TO MOLLIFY LINGJACKSON OVERDRIVEBERT WHO IS THE SQUEAKY DESERT FIEND, POST ON THIS THREAD AND ONE OF YOUR FRIENDLY ITR MODS WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE WICKED AWESOME, AND POSSIBLY OFFER AN EFFUSIVE ST

I hope it was c

toddler batman

I watched the first to seconds of "Toddler Batman" and realized I need to save it for a little later tonight, when I'm feeling lower.

I hope Rubyredd got a better snack.

^^^ this woman right here is the best mom ever.

I appreciate your delusions, jessie. :)

I think my brain might implode, btw.

OMG REMY, TODDLER BATMAN

I love Batman and Robin "climbing" the side of the building. Also, the little girl's Catwoman costume. So cute and also funny.

I'm going to bed now bump

(good night all)

home from work bump

i just watched shortbus.

shabbos goy: "i use menstrual blood as makeup in my show"
jamie: "it's a period piece"

bump before i go to sleep.

TIME TO MAKE THE DONUTS

that means im going to work and has nothing to do with menstrual blood

posting with you wonderful people keeps me on my toes

If it weren't for us, John would think donuts had something to do with menstrual blood.

I can't decide if this is surprising information or not.

Oh come on, you remember the awful jelly doughnut joke from when we were kids.

tell tell tell

This is one of those moments when instead of feeling sad that I didn't know you when we were in grade school, I'm leaning more toward relief.

I'm going to fuck this up:

A couple hires a babysitter to look after their young son one evening. The babysitter is instructed to make sure the son is fed by 6, bathed by 7 and in bed by 8. The mother also pulls the babysitter aside and says, "I've been on my period, so there's a box of used maxipads in my closet that I'll need to get rid of." The babysitter, for some unfathomable reason, says, "Oh don't worry, I'll take care of that for you!"

After the parents leave, the babysitter and son play hide-and-seek. This goes on for a while, until the son finds some hiding spot that the sitter just can't discover. She looks all over the house to no avail, calling his name, but she can't find him. Looking at her watch, she realizes with horror that it's 6:30 and the son hasn't eaten yet. Frantically, she runs to the kitchen to grab some food, shouting the son's name and calling him down to dinner.

The son comes downstairs and says, "I'm not hungry."

The sitter says, "What do you mean? It's half an hour past your dinnertime!"

The son says, "I know, but you took so long trying to find me while I was hidden in my mom's closet that I ended up eating all of the jelly doughnuts she has stashed back there."

UGGGGG WOW.

haw haw haw

dude

wait who keeps their used pads in a box in the closet?

wait, is that weird?

WELL GUESS WHOS BLUSHING NOW

TMI, JOHN, TMI

ok i have a really gross story along these lines but it might be too much

Not to worry; Dan has kind of a classic HSTNGS one that he's posted elsewhere on ILE. I'm sure he'll link to it if you ask him to.

"new day" bump

my favorite Dan story will probably always be the one about J031 and her college roommate.

ok here's my gross story:
a few years ago my best friend had this crazy girl move in with her. the girl was never around, was a nutjob when she was around, and pretty quickly it became apparent she wasn't intending on paying rent -ever. she'd disappeared for weeks, so my friend decided to dump all her stuff outside. in the course of doing this she discovered all manner of revolting things:
-the girl had been using her bedside table as an ashtray
-there were rotting bags of KFC stashed under her bed
-there were various items of clothing containing very old vomit
-there were a ton of used tampons throughout her draws

oh, and to add to this, my friend also found that this girl had taken a bunch of my friend's stuff without asking - CDs, makeup, clothes.

my friend has had a bad run of roommates in the past - she also had a guy who one day decided to paint the bathroom with his shit.

Dan has many classic stories, and the one I'm thinking of is, I think, grosser than the ones you shared, Rubyredd. (But still, I am never going to wish I had had roommates outside of college again! Jeez.)

Is the one about J031's roommate the masturbation one, jessie? That thread never fails to crack me up. Poor J031.

i'm stuck at work and bored. give me links!

How do you reassure your spouse after said spouse has shared a bed with a masturbating college friend without dissolving into a fit of hysterical laughter?

I just want you to know that my first attempt at finding that thread involved me typing "Dan Perry" and "masturbating" into the search engine and then thinking OMG WHAT DID I JUST DO.

And then the thread I wanted didn't show up, but a whole bunch of other ones did.

I'm pretty sure I need a shower now.

To be fair, none of the threads really seemed to be about what I searched for, but STILL.

I'm honestly not sure how to find the menstruation story. I know it was on a Hastings thread at one point, and I think it was originally on a thread about hometowns...

Here it is. You can thank Dan, Hastings, and the Google for this. (Or blame them, whichever.)

Imagine, if you will, a winter party filled with drunken high school kids. Things being what they are in Hastings, a guy I will call Chuck decided that the perfect time to show off the brand new truck that his parents bought him. He and his best friend, whom I will call Gene, arrived at the party and were a big hit. Everyone was admiring Chuck's truck, including a girl I will call Harriet. Now, Harriet and Gene had had some level of attraction before, but had never done anything about it. At this party, however, there was the right level of booze to make them both feel that they needed to take their relationship to the next level. They both disappeared after a while, but there was so much booze and carousing going on that no one noticed they were gone until Gene wandered into the kitchen. He looked HORRIBLE; everyone thought he'd been beaten up or had fallen head-first into something. He had a drunken grin and his face and wouldn't tell people what had happened to him, but he had blood all over his face and shirt. No one could figure out what had happened until Eve staggered in the front door, hair all askew and buttoning up her jeans. Chuck stared at her, then at Gene, who was looking at Eve all goofily. Chuck then made a remarkable intuitive leap, grabbed Gene by the shoulders and began shaking him. "TELL ME YOU DIDN'T GO DOWN ON HER IN MY TRUCK!" he shouted. Gene could only giggle. No amount of cleaning could get Eve's menstrual smell out of the upholstery, which meant that Chuck was forced to spend the next two months driving around with his windows down. This wouldn't normally be that big of a deal, but this party happened in early January.

The next day, Gene was extraordinarily pleased with himself until he looked in the mirror.

-- Dan Perry

oh shit i HAVE read that before on ilx! but here's my question: if the 'menstrual smell' was that bad, why the hell was this guy so pleased with himself?

also: the roommate orgasm thread is A+++++

xpost I guess he was drunk...?

Also, I don't know - I was away at college and therefore missed the party Dan is writing about. I don't even know who he's referring to! I think this is a Good Thing.

I just remember that the girl was S4r4h W4lsh.

*so thankful to not know who that is*

3 hours later bump (still reading textbooks, very geeky!)

saturday night hi sara bump

Hi lxy!

I am in desperate need of a snack. And about 10 more hours per day.

Snack = pita bread, hummus, dark chocolate, skim milk

Now I'm going to sleep

good night bump!!!

hello sara and lxy, good night bump

hallo sara, lxy, estela, good night bump ditto

bump beth ditto?