How do you reassure your spouse after said spouse has shared a bed with a masturbating college friend without dissolving into a fit of hysterical laughter?

Um, especially if she finds out you posted the story on ile?

Me: Are you sure?
Her: Well, she could have been having convulsions in her sleep... really specific, short-duration convulsions.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Her: IT'S NOT FUNNY!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Why are you telling me this???
Her: Who else am I going to tell?
Me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(xpost OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHAHAH)

(xpost HAHAHAHAHA I know for a fact that these are two seperate people but how fantastic would it be if they weren't?)

This sounds like a bad porn movie premise.

xpost

(weird xpost with jel)

-- VengaDay Perrn (djperr...), June 21st, 2004 4:56 PM. (later)

Me: honey, check out www.ilxor.com

well yeah, the visitor was the worked up one.

Ah, it's open season here my friend
It always is; it always has been
Welcome, welcome to the U.S.A.
We're partying fools in the autumn of our heyday
And though we're running out of everything
We can't afford to quit
Before this binge is over
We've got to squeeze off one more hit
We're workin' it
Workin' it

Soon you will be dancing face-to-face
With the limits of ambition and the scars of the marketplace
Welcome to the land of flame and fizz
Where you will learn that packaging is all that heaven is

We got the little black car, the little black dress
Got the guru, the trainer, the full court press
We got the software, hard drive, CD-ROM
We got the exploitation.com
We got the pager, cell phone, bootleg methaqualone
The media, the message: you are what you own
We got the agent, lawyer, lapdog, voyeur
Talk show, book deal, round mouth, square meal

We're so busy covering our asses, we just can't commit
“Oh, back off, don't bother me, baby
Can't you see I'm workin' it”
Workin' it

It's plain to see Miss Liberty has not yet come of age
But, she loves to feed the animals as long as they're locked up in the cage
And everybody knows the girl's got balls of brass
Aw, kiss my ass

(Solo)
We've got a whole new class of opiates
To blunt the stench of discontent
In these corporation nation-states
Where the loudest live to trample on the least
They say it's just the predatory nature of the beast

But, the barons in the balcony are laughing
And pointing to the pit
They say, “Aw look, they've grown accustomed to the smell
Now, people love that shit
And we're workin' it.”
Workin' it

We got the short-term gain, the long-term mess
We got the suffocating, quarterly consciousness
Yes man, run like a thief

New York to Hollywood, hype and glory
Special effects, no story
Yes man, run like a thief

Workin' it
Workin' it

Well, you don't know who the enemy is
You don't know
You don't know who the enemy is

Company man
“Eight for me, one for you”
(Workin' it)
“Very fair”
Business as usual, business as usual

Work it, work it, work it, work it, work it, work it, work
it, work it. Work it, Ice, yea! C'mon and work it baby
Work it, work it, work it, work it, work it, work it, work
it, work it. Work it, Ice, yea! C'mon and work it baby

Go white boy, go white boy, go!
Check out the hook. Vanilla Ice, yep, yep

I'm makin' a killin' and chillin' because I'm cool as an ice pack
You're lovin' everything when I think of a new track
I keep my rhyme flowin', notice it's right on time
And separate the wax and keep my mic in line
so put your body in motion and let me know that you're there
And those playin' the wall don't be scared
'Cause it's a foundation of breaks put to a beat
Strong as concrete 'cause I'm rockin' the beat
I'm in rock mode now' cause I'm steppin' like a soldier
Move to the groove and try to hold your composure
Never the less I'm back to attack
I came to manifest, and express to this dope track
Blow off the lid for the kid I get nice
That's why the ladies scraem...Oh! Vanilla Ice!
Forthcomin' I'm risin' to the top
The real definition of funk is put to hip hop
That's what I though, you're cause by the friction
Pens to the pad when I'm shakin' the mixin'
What I like to hear is a drummer get wicked
The tone of a vocal thrown and then kick it
Don't be surprised if your eyeballs swell
I know it's hard to regard 'cause I'm loved by the females
Masses of many, which is plenty, comes to a halt
No one's in the runnin', so I guess that is my fault
So pump up the crowd and give 'em somethin' to step to
My DJ's at his max to enhance what I bring you
The concepts hittin' so follow along like a cookbook
Acknowledge the pros from all the titles I took, yea
The crowd's at ease when I breat through the mic end
As I whip up a dance better move all the mic stands
I go to work on the floor like a wet mop
If you've ever been moved, check it out when I rock

(Repeat chorus)

Throw your hands in the air and let's get hyper
Flip this thing and sting like a viper
Rollin' with the rhythm, I did it for my opponent
If there was a crown to be taken, yea, I would own it
Believe that my rhyme is spoken like it has to be
With slang to stain it's a sheer catastrophe
Sheer to the point, to the point it's like lethal
The dope that I'm sellin' is not even illegal
But, still knowck you out with clout to make you shout
To rock the party people sho 'em what it's all about
Money, yea, is the key to all problems
If you believe that, then you should surely solve 'em
'Cause i got the key, the key to attack
The knowledge from my dome, from the top of my track
To my foes, I can show I can flow 'cause I'm legit
Thinkin' of a new dance, Ice will be workin' it

(Repeat chorus)

*But I won't.

Are you secretly Gear's roomie?

oh wait.... Iiiiii get it. :(

was it justen? you can tell us if it was.

-- strongohulkington, Wednesday, July 11, 2007 6:06 PM (40 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

There are many ways in which I have wronged Dan with my innappropriate behavior, but this is not one of them.

Also, I can't spell.

While I would never think you'd cross this line, John, imagining Dan's wife's reaction to you doing so made me roffle hardcore.

Sara likes to chuckle at conceptualizing me getting MY ASS BEAT apparently.

Don't Milko my Wilco

-- El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 21 June 2004 16:27 (3 years ago) Bookmark Link

maybe she was possessed?

-- jel -- (jel), Monday, 21 June 2004 16:30 (3 years ago) Bookmark Link

Or having sex with a ghost.

-- El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 21 June 2004 16:31 (3 years ago) Bookmark Link

9 months later...

...andi was born

...you wore a dress?

xpost: Curt1s's is funnier.

Sara likes to chuckle at conceptualizing me getting MY ASS BEAT apparently.

Only on special occasions.

9 months later...

-- Just got offed, Wednesday, July 11, 2007 3:07 PM (Wednesday, July 11, 2007 3:07 PM) Bookmark Link

http://ifmagazine.com/graphics/reviews_dvd/moh_pro-life.jpg

Tuomas and Mickey really ran with their respective batons here

Yeah, I'll bet they did.

Kenan, do you seriously think there are girls who are capable of masturbating while sleeping?

HAHAHahaha, how many people spend time talking to their partners about their discussion boards of choice? I feel less alone now.

do you seriously think there are girls who are capable of masturbating while sleeping?

of course not, but this:

Her: Well, she could have been having convulsions in her sleep... really specific, short-duration convulsions.

leads me to think she may not have been masturbating at all.

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c370/edzuky/1horrorbeaver.gif

I flail a lot while sleeping and wake up screaming at intermittent occasions.

you masturbate while screaming? cool. i usually wait until the end.

Nono, as everyone learns in their teens, masturbation recipe = quick times quiet.

I also somnabulate; last week I woke up at like 3 a.m. thinking it was Christmas & when I ran into the living room to go open presents, I was completely baffled there was no Christmas tree.

omg Jess you have no idea how hard I am laughing right now

Said friend now lives in Atlanta and has become a terrible driver.

Maybe she's using te shift gear for something, y'know, different.

Abbott is a Problem Sleeper. I relate. I have to be pretty exhausted, but I can do some v weird shit in my sleep. It was worse when I was a kid. Or else it's just as bad now, but I'm alone more often.

I have to be pretty exhausted, but I can do some v weird shit in my sleep

DO TELL

Do you live in Atlanta?

We should star in a very boring movie called Problem Sleepers, kenan.

Kenan's thoughts: We should star in a very boringboning movie called Problem Sleepers, kenan.

AW SHITFUCK.

At least he's no deeznuts.

shitfuck???????

I bet Kenan plays with his big red pussy when he's 'asleep'.

HUR HUR HUR

she's orange, thank you.

At least I'm no what? Stop putting words in my mouth.

your cat is cuet!

Shitfuck, yeah...last night I offered my boyfriend that I could make the two following meals: Shitfuck or Things in Water. Becuase basically all we have is water & shitfuck else.

Yeah, kenan, not to prejudge. I would shake your hand in apology & then try to sell you insurance, because that's what I feel like I'm trying to do when I shake others' hands.

DO TELL

ok, you're only going to groan and shake your head, but when I was little I was known for taking my clothes off and running around outside and screaming. In my sleep.

Recently it's more like standing on odd things or yelling nonsense.

I arranged all my jewelry into sqaure piles by type of jewelry in my sleep a while ago. Not on Ambien, either.

I once punched my boyfriend in the face while sleeping, that's about 1/3 the reason we have separate beds.

no i'm not groaning! that seems pretty standard weird sleeping stuff.

punching on the other hand=o_0

Oh, I once threw a punch, too! I was dreaming that someone threw a rock at my head, and I had to throw down. I woke up having just thrown a thankfully ineffective, glancing punch at my girlfriend.

I gave him a bllack eye. :(

When I went to visit my family, my youngest brother reminded me of a time he entered my bedroom while sleeping & I apparently punched the shit out of him until he ran away. I don't remember doing that. :(

this thread ^_^

ヘ(^_^ヘ)(ノ^_^)ノ

Oh this was the thread were I shared my two "stories".

(ﾟｰﾟ)(｡_｡)

Women interested Small?

"How to Find Women Interested in Small Ones"

ok, "Step by step threesome"

presumably, some sort of guide to entice two slightly unwilling women, to..