TO MOLLIFY LINGJACKSON OVERDRIVEBERT WHO IS THE SQUEAKY DESERT FIEND, POST ON THIS THREAD AND ONE OF YOUR FRIENDLY ITR MODS WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE WICKED AWESOME, AND POSSIBLY OFFER AN EFFUSIVE ST

choose a)

take ipod

stand outside smoking for most of the night with the cool kids

drink lots

c) Go to crappy bowling alley and drink cheap crappy drinks with friends and then maybe drink for free as well with friends.

d) Spend Friday night sitting at home, tying at internet pals

^^that's how my friday nights seem to be lately

I bet he goes with c. Standing outside sounds fun in the abstract, except that it's still COLD here.

I am going to study and check in with internets friends every once in a while. But I just got back from dinner with ONLY my husband, so at least I'm not tooooo cranky.

xpost HI MIKE!

man c sounds awesome.

i want chips. in the future, computers will have miniature molecular transporters as a standard feature, and we'll be able to ysi each other non-nutritious snacks. even booze.

I, for one, cannot wait for that day.

since when is booze non-nutritious?

seriously. i want pringles so bad right now. instead i'm eating baby carrots and hummus.

ok maybe that should have read "AND booze"

J. told her ballet teacher tonight that "Mommy says she doesn't care where they go for dinner tonight, she just wants to go someplace that has booze."

Which, to be fair, I did say.

HAHA!

this hummus isn't even very nice :(

I hope it was c

toddler batman

I watched the first to seconds of "Toddler Batman" and realized I need to save it for a little later tonight, when I'm feeling lower.

I hope Rubyredd got a better snack.

^^^ this woman right here is the best mom ever.

I appreciate your delusions, jessie. :)

I think my brain might implode, btw.

OMG REMY, TODDLER BATMAN

I love Batman and Robin "climbing" the side of the building. Also, the little girl's Catwoman costume. So cute and also funny.

I'm going to bed now bump

(good night all)

home from work bump

i just watched shortbus.

shabbos goy: "i use menstrual blood as makeup in my show"
jamie: "it's a period piece"

bump before i go to sleep.

TIME TO MAKE THE DONUTS

that means im going to work and has nothing to do with menstrual blood

posting with you wonderful people keeps me on my toes

If it weren't for us, John would think donuts had something to do with menstrual blood.

I can't decide if this is surprising information or not.

Oh come on, you remember the awful jelly doughnut joke from when we were kids.

tell tell tell

This is one of those moments when instead of feeling sad that I didn't know you when we were in grade school, I'm leaning more toward relief.

I'm going to fuck this up:

A couple hires a babysitter to look after their young son one evening. The babysitter is instructed to make sure the son is fed by 6, bathed by 7 and in bed by 8. The mother also pulls the babysitter aside and says, "I've been on my period, so there's a box of used maxipads in my closet that I'll need to get rid of." The babysitter, for some unfathomable reason, says, "Oh don't worry, I'll take care of that for you!"

After the parents leave, the babysitter and son play hide-and-seek. This goes on for a while, until the son finds some hiding spot that the sitter just can't discover. She looks all over the house to no avail, calling his name, but she can't find him. Looking at her watch, she realizes with horror that it's 6:30 and the son hasn't eaten yet. Frantically, she runs to the kitchen to grab some food, shouting the son's name and calling him down to dinner.

The son comes downstairs and says, "I'm not hungry."

The sitter says, "What do you mean? It's half an hour past your dinnertime!"

The son says, "I know, but you took so long trying to find me while I was hidden in my mom's closet that I ended up eating all of the jelly doughnuts she has stashed back there."

UGGGGG WOW.

haw haw haw

dude

wait who keeps their used pads in a box in the closet?

wait, is that weird?

WELL GUESS WHOS BLUSHING NOW

TMI, JOHN, TMI

ok i have a really gross story along these lines but it might be too much

Not to worry; Dan has kind of a classic HSTNGS one that he's posted elsewhere on ILE. I'm sure he'll link to it if you ask him to.

"new day" bump

my favorite Dan story will probably always be the one about J031 and her college roommate.

ok here's my gross story:
a few years ago my best friend had this crazy girl move in with her. the girl was never around, was a nutjob when she was around, and pretty quickly it became apparent she wasn't intending on paying rent -ever. she'd disappeared for weeks, so my friend decided to dump all her stuff outside. in the course of doing this she discovered all manner of revolting things:
-the girl had been using her bedside table as an ashtray
-there were rotting bags of KFC stashed under her bed
-there were various items of clothing containing very old vomit
-there were a ton of used tampons throughout her draws

oh, and to add to this, my friend also found that this girl had taken a bunch of my friend's stuff without asking - CDs, makeup, clothes.

my friend has had a bad run of roommates in the past - she also had a guy who one day decided to paint the bathroom with his shit.

Dan has many classic stories, and the one I'm thinking of is, I think, grosser than the ones you shared, Rubyredd. (But still, I am never going to wish I had had roommates outside of college again! Jeez.)

Is the one about J031's roommate the masturbation one, jessie? That thread never fails to crack me up. Poor J031.

i'm stuck at work and bored. give me links!

How do you reassure your spouse after said spouse has shared a bed with a masturbating college friend without dissolving into a fit of hysterical laughter?

I just want you to know that my first attempt at finding that thread involved me typing "Dan Perry" and "masturbating" into the search engine and then thinking OMG WHAT DID I JUST DO.

And then the thread I wanted didn't show up, but a whole bunch of other ones did.

I'm pretty sure I need a shower now.

To be fair, none of the threads really seemed to be about what I searched for, but STILL.

I'm honestly not sure how to find the menstruation story. I know it was on a Hastings thread at one point, and I think it was originally on a thread about hometowns...