Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

Free copy in the office. So there.

My grandad has read the Mail every day for the past 65 years. It shows, too.

This is clearly the greatest newspaper of all time. Photos please.

"Not really", she said.

Apparently not. Harry Whittier Smith claimed to pose live kittens using "only patient, unfailing kindness."

Though today's two-page Mail exposé reveals that for some of the pics he may have actually just pushed their heads through backdrops.

This edition of the DM is lacking one classic DM ingredient which is the serialisation of a book revealing secrets of the universe, eg. The Crystal Skull, The Bible Code etc. I recommend Who Built The Moon?

However, these days I read the Times and the Sun, so maybe I am turning into a rightie.

"p20: Council tax bills could go up! Oh, the humanity," and possibly

"p39: Teachers can't cope with all the pupils in Portsmouth who speak foreign."

aren't necessarily loony.

Now there's a paper I wouldn't mind reading.

xxpost

many Daily Mail readers. not actual scientists or anything.

p17: IT'S IN YOUR GENES YOU WOULD HAVE GOT IT ANYWAY THEY'RE HAVING SEX AND YOU GAVE IT UP IN 1978 GET OVER IT

p20: PEOPLE EXPECTED TO PAY FOR SERVICES THEY RECEIVE SHOCK HORROR YOUTH CULT PROBE

p4: We should boycott shops that sell "inappropriate" clothes for children.

I don't find either of those particularly objectionable, although the rest of the list is pretty shitty. DOES THIS MAKE ME A BAD LIBERAL.

p4: IT'S CALLED CAPITALISM YOU WANTED THATCHER YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW GET OVER IT

Why aspire to 19th smiling faced, so-gooding, robber barondon?

This is idiocy, of course, but it comes from an expected source. A rather less expected source is Stephen Malkmus, who, in the current edition of Index magazine, says it's nice to be in Portland rather than New York, then adds "But the west coast has a downside too, like the number of ridiculous leftists..." He then recounts an anecdote of wanting to shove one of said leftists up against a wall. So that's what "Pig Lib" meant!

xxpost

And so say, errrrrrrrrrr, some of us!

I blame the abolition of Old Labour.

Malkmus made snidey comments about "leftists" on "Embassy Row" years back. He's probably worried they'd make him get his haircut and stop mumbling.

Damned if you do, etc etc.

Last week they ran a piece complaining about socialist do-gooders forcing clever private school pupils out of top universities by giving their places to the great unwashed.

And the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that and the week before that

THERE MIGHT BE ONE IN OUR MIDST, DR C.

HI MOMUS.

er, except the two things don't contradict each other? obviously they need to end private education and level the field, unless we're to 'enjoy' the same kind of horrible 'affirmative action' debate (on class as much as race lines) here as they had in the states (obv this probably isn't the mail's view...)

Thatcher = ewwww obv, but A.Hollinghurst's stuff about her in The Line Of Beauty does a good job of making you see her through the eyes of all those slavering Tory MPs.

I didn't think it was possible for any woman dressed head to toe in leather to appear utterly unsexy, but Ms Currie proved me wrong. Put me right off my breakfast, I can tell you.

I'm amazed the council tax story isn't front page.

But I'll bet John had something extra white and creamy on his Weetabix that morning..... urgggggggghhh, did I just say that??!??!

I have been made to feel VERY uncool by certain fashion-industry colleagues for my refusal to snort this shit; when I told my former boss I wasn't keen on putting stuff up my nose generally she said 'just rub it on your gums instead' as if it was not the drug itself I was objecting to.

This is why I'm just so pleased by the whole thing. (I kept trying to tell AMP and Anna this last night when they were all "why are they making such a big deal out of it?")

It's the Philip Larkin syndrome again - you think, blimey, he looked like that and yet he had three women on the go!

Then you look at the women and realise they all looked like him.

many Daily Mail readers. not actual scientists or anything.

So why did Radio 5 wake me up with the words "...which may change the way we look at the creation of the universe via the Big Bang" yesterday morning? (I can't answer this question as I immediately clicked the snooze button, but I'd be surprised if they're giving too much airspace to creationism).

RickyT, if you have any links to recent cosmological updates, do post them!

anyone know anything about astrophysics? i have a question about the universe

(Even if scientists manage to completely disprove the Big Bang, that doesn't make Creationism any more likely or even possible.)

Ruggish!

You owe me a new keyboard. I sneezed coffee all over my current one when I read this...

What is the disturbing truth then?

I thought it would be more along the lines of dirrty women importing BADAIDS to the home counties.

Steve-O snorting wasabi on the Jackass movie was even more stupid and also brilliant.

Oh, and a miniature snooker ball when I was about three. I had to go to hospital to have it removed.

I have had pepper up my nose too many times.

xpost

Why oh why... tut tut... tsk tsk... you'll never believe what she's done now... don't look now but a whole family of them have moved in next door... etc etc etc

Personally, I appreciate the effort that's gone into their associated.co.uk homepage.

(and, yes, I did check that that domain is actually registered to Associated Newspapers)

Our MRSA Shame; Only we Asians can tear down the segregation wall, writes an attractive Asian female with full-length pic; Legal aid for travellers in battles with planners — little help for embattled homeowners as Labour changes the rules; Nurse gave girl a contraceptive jab at McDonalds; Conker boy, 12, is killed in plunge on to railings; A munching menace — dog-sized deer puts our birds in peril; What's your daughter drinking tonight? One middle-class girl's haunting account of how the binge-drinking culture that afflicts countless teenagers nearly cost her life; The 'Chav' children feared by teachers; Mother's £6,500 bonus for having a third baby; South Africa siezes white-owned farm; Women lured with loans to have a facelift; Labour's policies broke up our family...

Tell me more!

First item in the fact box next to the article: said deer is not native to the UK, and was shipped over from Asia before growing rapidly to outnumber good-old British deer...

Your average Daily Mail reader probably thinks the English countryside is unchanged since the island was uninhabited, of course. Rabbits aren't native to the UK, are they?

(not to mention all the bloody big animals we'd have tramping around if it wasn't for those pesky Mesolithic people hunting them to extinction)

I *WANT* ONE!!!

"Anyone even remotely suspected of involvement in terrorism should be detained for as long as it takes to secure a conviction."

Tomorrow: the ducking stoool — was it really so bad?

Are you sure this wasn't just the Melanie Phillips column?

7:30pm Daily Mail Island (932651)
Topical reality TV show in which a small populace of contestants are left stranded on a desert island, their only contact with the outside world through right-wing hate-rag The Daily Mail. Episode 34 After the Daily Mail publishes a list of all the known paedophiles on the island, a confused old man pushes shit through his own letterbox before beating himself to death.

The website was genius, regardless.

Instinctively, I'm sure they would support Blair's kamikaze crusade - for as reactionary a legacy as he can get - all the way. Opportunistically, they may not.

Writing this headline must have given someone a huge erection.

Really it's the most appauling jaded shit I've ever seen - even worse than the paper itself (if that's even possible).

When I first saw it I thought it was going to be a party political broadcast. Possibly for the BNP.

Whilst Herr Felize's tirade might have been a tad extreme, it is indicative of the exasperation many feel in today's Bliar Republic: the total erosion of values, the systematic eradication of tradition and national identity, the politicisation of the Civil Service, self-serving Quangos - not to mention the blatant money wastage an wrong prioritisation of the NHS. All this can be blamed on left wingers and their 'touchy-feely' strategy that is clearly a total failure. Art Directors in hospitals? Enough said.

Right, I'm off to chance my arm with that position advertised in last Wednesday's Jobzilla: Turkish-speaking Community Outreach Empowerment Development Co-Ordinator. £90,000 pa? Cheers ears!

It is, yes.
ip is unique to these posts. Probably a passerby/googler's idea of "satire" or wtfe.

Page 29 today: Cancer-causing pollutants in our bread, milk and eggs

Top Gear's Richard Hammond 'showing signs of improvement'

Diana's heartfelt diana sparks safe-diana campaign
Top Diana's Diana 'showing signs of diana'

Plus Happy Slapping Feral Children

"Daily Mail gives you cancer"

'Anger at...'

apparently the world will end and we will be murdered in our beds by the 30 Bulgarians queuing outside the British embassy in Bulgaria for visas. (quite frankly they should be more incensed by the fact that Bulgarians seem to queue not in lines but in circles)

POLISH READERS OF THE MAIL ON SUNDAY - don't miss your Free Pullout Guide in FINANCIAL MAIL ON SUNDAY.

FOR ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT:
*opening a bank account
*starting a business
*sending money home
*taxes and benefits

Read it online PO POLSKU at www.thisismoney.co.uk

Wow. Well spotted Dom!

Operative word there 'home'

In fairness to The Mail, they do occasionally run the sort of expose of our rulers that the Guardian et al won't touch.

There was a particularly good article in TMOS a couple of months ago regarding Labour's links (notably Lord Blackburn and Jack Straw) with BAE Systems, and the reasons for the weird cronyism that NewLab indulge in with this company.

But yeah, it's generally a victim to its own self-parody.

Operative word there 'home'

-- DJ Mencap, Thursday, November 1, 2007 12:25 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

reaching a bit, here.

The private detectives hired by Kate and Gerry McCann to find their daughter are desperately hunting a woman spotted in Morocco with a young girl bearing the 'mark of Madeleine',

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=491163&in_page_id=1770&ct=5

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=491668&in_page_id=1766&ito=1490

This is... just right

Good comments as you would doubtless expect

oh my god. i didn't even get to the comments. i got as far as the photo of a girl with her knickers down. shame on her!

Unknown to her, Mrs Stepney, 35, had developed cervical cancer. Her unborn twins' constant kicking in the womb actually managed to dislodge the tumour.

Panic after 'Franken-fish' that is deadlier than a piranha is caught in Britain

With its razor- sharp teeth, the fish known as the giant snakehead terrorises the warm waters of south-east Asia.
Which is why an angler was particularly startled to hook a 2ft specimen from a river in Lincolnshire.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/02_03/snakehead_468x278.jpg

28 people have commented on this story so far. Tell us what you think below.

They'll be asking for dole money in no time!
- Liz, London, England

What's the chance of this migrant being deported?
- Richard De Gerber, Kingston upon Thames

Another alien species out to take from the UK then?
- Yvonne Jarman, United Kingdom

(ect ect)

Those readers comments sounds so sarcastic, but I suppose they're not as sarcastic as I would like.

I'm amazed that anyone would even think of that response!

The ladettes article up there is a thing of wonder. Brilliantly and pointlessly gratuitous. And who can argue with the "Exhibition Title:
"Portraits in Liberalism"" comment???

I'll have to start noting down Daily Mail headlines, as I can't quite remember a brilliant recent one that had the classic "OUTRAGE" in it along with a carefree use of scare quotes.

that fish deserves his own thread

That ladette article is such utter tosh. I could taken exactly the same pictures at parties in 1979. And probably worse. This is what pisses me off so much about the Mail (et al) it's like all this is something new that never happened until Blair won an election.

Actually I did take some photos like that I'll have to dig them out.

amazing -
http://www.pickledpolitics.com/archives/1716

Lol Diana Appleyard

...because they keep bringing up the same 'migrants are eating our swans' story (and this time they even nicked the headline off of an old Sun story)...

Swan Bake

And yet Peter Maxwell Davies remains a free man...

Swans look tasty. I wish I could eat swans. There are two different kinds on my way to work and it seems very unfair that they're both the queen's, you know? Not that I'd exactly stand a chance against one.

So are we meant to be going OH NO immigrants stealin our houses today, or is the idea of them all gathering in tents more frightening now?

'PLEASE, get the smut and vulgarity off TV.'

'Just show us big pictures of it happening instead.'

"And yet Peter Maxwell Davies remains a free man..."

heh, he's master of the queen's music is why

Titchmarsh must have been wondering how he went from being a household name fronting one of the nation's most popular shows, to placing stickers on a bikini-wearing model named Kelly.

Don't his novels have their fair share of smut?

In 2000, Titchmarsh was awarded the M.B.E. in the Queen's Millennium Honours List for his services to gardening and broadcasting.

How those days must seem like a distant memory now.

Anyone ever seen the Alan Titchmarsh Show? I saw the opening 30 seconds of one and it was so much like Alan Partridge it must surely have beeen deliberate.

"I'M ALAN TITCHMARSH!! AHAAA!!"

Seriously tho, I expect Glen Ponder and Savoir Faire to show up any minute

YouTube links please!

every time i've seen it they have on kelvin mackenzie or that john gaunt prick

^^^Can't handle real talk from Man of the People Gaunty.

that john gaunt prick

Goodness, on daytime television! The pornography gets worse!

TASTELESS TACKY TITMARCH TANKS ON AFTERNOON TV! SHAME OF FATHER-OF-TWO! REPORT HIM TO SOCIAL SERVICES IMMEDIATELY Mealnei Plihlpsi writes

Didn't Titchmarsh win an award for the worst description of sex in his books. His show's more Mrs Merton (let's have a heated debate) than Alan Partridge. Never saw Gaunt on it, whenever I see it* it's usually Amanda Platell moaning about the Royal Family.

*Based on a scientific sample of about 3 shows.

^^^Can't handle real talk from Man of the People Gaunty.

i just snorted my cafe latte all over my apple mac and copy of the guardian

oh it's nick ferrari today

Tomorrow it will probably be LBC's Steve Allen.

ILX's Dom Passantino

All I ever see of the Mail is the front page: today's example - boasting that, because of them, Marks & Spencer had stopped giving away free carrier bags - is the sort of thing I might actually admire if only it were done by a paper which did not unswervingly support the economic system which encourages such things.

MC's "YOU WANTED THATCHER, YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW" upthread pretty much covers 95% of Mail articles, especially those about deregulated broadcasting.

oh today it's notorious right-wing opinion trumpet Cheryl Baker

Who once sang on a number one record which was a coded denunciation of Thatcherism.

Classic.

Particularly the huge, grainy photo of a scantily clad teenager.

There used to be a time (admittedly, it seems like a lifetime ago) when youngsters sent out invitations. The internet has changed all that.

Oh, internet, what have you done?!?!

Was gonna start a thread about this

Their house looks suspiciously like a pub...
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_03/party1703_468x456.jpg

Oh wait there's more...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=535570&in_page_id=1770

It seems the 'house' is in fact a mansion in 20 acres of land used for conferences.

x-post

A pub full of idiots.

I missed the bit of A Clockwork Orange with the mimes.

smuggest use of sic ever

Really, REALLY thinking of pitching an article about Juggalos to the Daily Mail now. Shit would blow their minds.

The captions are the best...
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_03/MimesL1703_468x372.jpg
You looking at me? These two look to have come all the way from France

why do all the comments come from people in Australia, United Arab Emirates etc.

Tories in exile until the return of the One True Government.

Inside, as these photographs show, youngsters were jumping up and down with cans and bottles, spraying them around as though they were at a rave.

those pictures show that? that pic above looks like a rather tame night out in my local.

and "spraying them around as though they were at a rave.", no rave i ever went to did people do this.

laffable

That article is sheer awesome

The picture of all the bottles and cans sorted and crushed in recycling boxes.

"oh noes our "house" is destroyed by a wild party, but NEVER MIX GLASS AND METAL"

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_02/nicolebatLL_1000x895.jpg

^ <3

Her top lip appears to be dead.

Obviously the kid who posted her party details on bebo is a bit thick, but then a lot of kids are a bit thick and naive. I felt quite sorry for her, it must have been fucking terrifying, losing control like that. The ppl who turned up at the house and trashed the place are cunts. It would be really funny if someone ran a dummy party, advertised on web 2.0 social networking sites, and when the lairy lot turned up, have a bunch of heavies spring out of hiding and break their motherfucking legs with iron bars.

Admittedly the picture of the girl in the domme outfit was pretty lulzy. The article is archetypal/typical of the hysterical steez of the dail mail as well "when you are out seeing a show in the city, your teenage children are havig group gay sechks on the washing machine oh no it's a national crisis bring back the birch" etc etc. That paper is such a piece of shit it makes me ashamed to be britishes.

Really, REALLY thinking of pitching an article about Juggalos to the Daily Mail now. Shit would blow their minds.

-- Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 18 March 2008 14:01 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

You must do this. You must then attempt to leverage yourself into a position as a staff writer. There could be nothing funnier in this world than D Passantino on the proud masthead of the daily mail DO IT DOM.

I enjoyed the lament that the mother should have to go through the shame of strangers seeing her daughter in that outfit on the internet, right beside the Mail's reproduction of said photo.

This is also typical mail fare though, yes? "Oh no, YOUR TEENAGE CHILDREN are indulging in kinky sex and wearing provocative outfits, isn't it disgusting? Here's a picture, btw."

Yes it is, but I still love it. My old landlady got the mail everyday and so I used to have regular access (to the newspaper). I couldn't understand how women could read a rag whose stock story was basically 'Women Are Scum'. Then I realised the story was actually 'Other Women Are Scum'.

'Women who are having more fun and decent sex than you are scum.'

decent sex, ha.

Someone make a facebook group to get Dom to join the daily mail staff

"Is fear of offending ethnnic minorities stopping police from ending the misery of teenage sex slaves?"

Check out the amazing Photoshop skillz in the first pic here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=547008&in_page_id=1770

And cower at the v fucking violent video game in the second picture.

Is Anne Diamond doing a gang sign in that picture?

wow that's got to be a joke article.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_04/beat1MOS2903_154x100.jpg
Bea the hippy princess raves at the full moon

"Last Saturday night, Beatrice's group headed to Koh Phagnan to enjoy one of the island's notorious "Full Moon" raves.

A tourist was stabbed to death at that party, although it is not known if Beatrice was aware of this."

o_0

Millions of girls using Facebook, Bebo and Myspace 'at risk' from paedophiles and bullies and we've got the photos!

Facebook makes it too fucking hard to perv on these girls. The one area it's worse than MySpace.

speaking from experience?

Of course.

I saw Princess Beatrice at Cross Central last year, on the roof of Canvas at about 7.30am as it was the only sound system still playing. She was clearly pilling her tits off, but I thought she was Peaches Geldof so thought nothing of it.

yeah warning to anyone opening that facebook story, pics of young girls in scantily clad clothing

i love that the facebook screenshot is like the most boring page in the world.

PEDOGEDDON

More filth elsewhere in today's edition: she turned pink and frowned, like a woman whose bottom had just been goosed by a passing cad (not worth opening, I just liked the saucy Edwardian turn of phrase). This thread is starting to make me love the Mail.

Mail 2.0 - http://beta.dailymail.co.uk/ - is only open from 9am to 7pm on weekdays.

Reminds me of how the Virgin Trains online shop used to close at night.

This article is the DM summed up in one article. The fetishising of the police officer, the dodgy stats, the ridiculous picture of what policing used to be like in the good old days. It needs a celebrity angle though.

All 43 forces in England and Wales have firearms support units, including the Metropolitan Police's crackcrap SO19 unit.

Fixed.

"a staggering 12 pieces of equipment"

roflroflrofl

Can we really transplant a human soul?

"BELT"

Brit School to thread.

"I think Gordon Brown should launch an investigation into just what is happening here. If the source of the soul can be found, and some souls are discovered to be superior to others, then this could be another source of revenue for the Government. After all, they (over) tax everything else!"

Has to be a wind-up.

In one celebrated case uncovered by Professor Schwartz's team, an 18-year-old boy who wrote poetry, played music and composed songs was killed in a car crash. A year after he died, his parents came across a tape of a song he had written, entitled, Danny, My Heart Is Yours.

In his haunting lyrics, the boy sang about how he felt destined to die and donate his heart. After his death, his heart was transplanted into an 18-year-old girl - named Danielle.

When the boy's parents met Danielle, they played some of his music and she, despite never having heard the song before, knew the words and was able to complete the lyrics.

fwd this to everyone you know!!!!

"I'm gonna die and give you my heart
I hope you will make a brand new..."

"omg i know this!"

The Daily Mail will believe anything. As will their readers. Remember this from last year?
Campaigning parents plan to burn children's books with grisly endings.

I can't keep[ away from that transplant story it's fantastic...

For a few brave scientists have started claiming...

So brave, so very brave...

Many scientists will, of course, point out that tens of thousands of organ transplants have now been carried out worldwide

more like hundreds of thousands

scientists haven't even managed to define what exactly consciousness is

useless lazy bums!

It has already been proved that hearts have their own residual brain, that is why people often take on the idiosyncrasies of the donor.

- Nigel, Somerset

The mail is going brain crazy to-day...
So is free will really just an illusion?

No, "so brave" is only used by the Daily Mail for people like So Brave Roy Castle and So Brave Gloria Estefan.

So Brave Karen Matthews

haha that free will story, i read a few lines and then scrolled down to the comments, only to be treated to a tidy picture of Charles Bronson.

I was given a young man's heart - and started craving beer and Kentucky Fried Chicken. My daughter said I even walked like a man

"Is the author here comparing an animal to a Swiss watch then? And so what if science can prove we have no 'free will'.."

If Dostoyevsky were alive today, he'd be called Sam, Brighton and read the Daily Mail.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1025763/Pictured-RAF-blow-worlds-biggest-drugs-haul-worth-225-MILLION-Afghanistan-desert.html

Officials believe the area was turning dried cannabis leaves into heroin.

Here for the original picture that went with that... and amusing discussion.

Britain on alert for deadly new knife with exploding tip that freezes victims' organs

How good of the Maily Dail to bring this to the attention of knife-wielders everywhere looking for a keen upgrade.

someone should have told block party to buy one of these, he might have survived john lydon's attack this weekend

Maybe Lydon used one on him; that would explain his inability to distinguish between John Lydon and three of his associates.

you would if your organs were frozen i guess

This was in Metro a week ago (thus arguably telling even more knife carriers about its brave new technology).

KNIFE CRIME. If punk still existed, that'd be a good band name.

There's already these guys http://revhq.com/store.revhq?Page=search&Id=KNIF01&F=1

Labour MP for Perry Barr in Birmingham, Khalid Mahmood, said: "Weapons like this are absolutely disgraceful and there is no reason at all why people should be walking around the streets with them.

"There should be high-profile operations and high-profile arrests against anybody caught with them. The way to tackle the wider issue of knife crime is with effective community policing, which the West Midlands force does very well.

"The Met could pick up on the lessons from West Midlands Police in its excellent community work in places like Handsworth, Aston and Lozells."

for fuck's sake. this out-viz-es viz. what a complete and utter tit.

At least some people are looking on the bright side,

"This weapon maybe put to good use against terrorists and other warmongers.

- Dutchkins, Manchester"

I thought we already did this? Mu memory is failing. Anyways it's supposed to be for up close with a bear, right? If you are this close to an angry bear maybe you shouldn't be out on your own.

major lozells

Hey, look what it does to a watermelon!
http://www.waspknife.com/video_watermelon.php

The WASP Injector Knife is ideally used as a:
- Diving Knife
- Hunting Knife
- Tactical Knife

What is a tactical knife, he asks, fearing he already knows the answer.

omfg...

It is silent when used and highly effective in close quarters urban combat.
The WASP is ideally suited for:

* Special Ops Troops (Land or Sea)
* Downed Pilots Stranded In Open Water
or Remote Forests
* Military Survival Kits
* S.W.A.T. and Special Police
* Security Guards

SECURITY GUARDS!

And in other news, why I hate the DM distilled into one comment...

Under the headline 'English in Portimao to Protect Secrecy', the newspaper Correio da Manha claimed two Leicestershire officers tried to stop information - including results of a DNA test on a sample from the McCanns' Renault Scenic hire car - from being made public.
-------------------
If this is true there is something very dark going on, let's hope the real truth emerges soon.
Chris - I SO agree with your statement. If these DNA results are so unimportant, why the need to try and prevent the public from ever seeing this? I pray Madeleine will be found safe, but my fear has always been she died that night - if she did, she is safe now in the loving arms of God.

- Katrina, Memphis, USA, 20/7/2008 16:42

Why I hate the DM distilled into one part of one coment...

If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,428544,00.html

Fox News accuses Daily Mail of ripping off "story" Fox News copped from mentalist hate-blogs say what now?

His son is working for the Daily Mail
It's a steady job,
being a Fox News plageriser...
FOX NEWS PLAGERISER!

I hope Fox News hasn't been running any stories about Muslim nursery teachers who preach hate to our young children whilst ruining the housing market.

No it's been all about so-called asylum hedge fund managers intent on ruining innocent Dr Liam Fox.

I had that Bill O'Reilly in the back of me cab once.

He didn't leave much of a tip either not like Wendy Richard national treasure Gawd bless her...

Bodies of the dead not being buried in echo of Winter of Discontent as effects of credit crunch spread across Britain

Apart from the fact that people receive the money after the burial and therefore bodies of the dead are being buried this story is completely true.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1081348/Can-black-Jesus-escape-assassins-bullet.html

Not that they'd want an assassin to shoot him, oh no, not at all.

Is this paper like the UK's version of the National Enquirer? (not sure if that reference will cross the "" "" ""pond""")

no.

at least, not intentionally.

You should start a poll thread asking people to decide whether or not they think the editorial staff of the Daily Mail would actually support the assassination of Barack Obama

xxxp

National Enquirer's influence has filtered into most UK tabloids and gossip mags, I think, but there isn't a directly equivalent publication

Why can't his neighbours obtain some sort of legal remedy in respect of the nuisance they have to face with the Secret Service. Surely people have a right to unfettered access and enjoyment of their own homes?

- Chris Palmer, Southampton, 29/10/2008 4:44

Protect him by all means but not in my back yard!

hmmm, New York Post then. What a weird tone that article has

"IT'S FOR THE GREATER GOOD YOU FECKIN DUMB LAWRENCE WELK FANS" is the message that needs to be emphasised here.

Take that, cunts

how ironic, the mail falsely accusing someone of racism!!

Take that, cunts

Gary Barlow's lawyer already on the case

I could be a regular on an "edgy" BBC gameshow

..what a waste....

I couldn't. I wouldn't get to write my own lines, for a start.

8 out of 10 challops

Marco Materazzi, Cavaliere Ufficiale OMRI, let's call him by his name.

"I was tugging his shirt, he said to me 'if you want my shirt so much I'll give it to you afterwards,' and I answered that I'd prefer his sister," he said.

that ought to have been a 3 month suspension without pay.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1093898/Poor-white-boys-lagging-schoolmates-GCSE.html

This has been a long time coming. There is a lot of help for ethnic minority children in school and for girls, but the boys have no choice but to lag. The lack of male teachers to properly discipline them, is also a worrying factor.
Click to rate Rating 32

- Jenny, UK, 11/12/2008 17:01

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1133142/New-BBC-taste-row-police-probe-Jonathan-Ross-stand-Jo-Brands-anti-BNP-joke.html

Love the shoe-horning in of Jonathan Ross for extra "oh noes the moral fibre of this nation is being eroded by Friday night telly" bullshit.

Brand is an out an out NuLabour supporter and by being that, she has supported the social destruction of this country.
Click to rate Rating 268 - Richard, Ivybridge, UK, 01/2/2009 08:41

Last night the BNP’s Simon Darby said: ‘The BNP is technically an ethnic group and, under Section 26 of the Race Relations Act, we would suggest there are grounds that an offence of incitement to commit racial harassment has been committed.’

Technically.

The Daily Mail on the side of right, as always.

Is it really worth siding with the BNP just to get at the BBC / Jonathan Ross / ZaNuLiArBore?

Get ready for the Big Freeze: Britain set to see heaviest snow fall since 2003

a quarter of an inch overnight then?

which then melts by 11AM?

One-armed presenter is scaring children, parents tell BBC

That comments thread is pretty much 100% behind the presenter, incidentally.

Given that no "parents" are actually named it smells like the usual Dacre brew.

I wonder how many more "complaints" will be added to the nine which already existed before the Mail decided to stir it up because it was a Good Story and Shows The BBC In A Negative Light.

as is the tone of the article, too

xp

Hopefully the increasing Come-Off-It-The-Mail response may persuade Dacre that banging on with this particular dead horse isn't going to win him any more circulation figures.

'This new presenter is c*** - face facts - but because she has a disability then she was given a job. [It is] positive discrimination in my books.'

I wouldn't like to see his books (though Scotland Yard might want to).

lol that guy doesn't read books

i initially misread that and thought the commenter was calling her "cunt-face"

What ever next! Will I be paying my licence fee to watch someone without any legs! Or will they be scaring my kids with someone with absolutely no limbs whatsoever! That'll give them nice DREAMS won't it! Give me my money back BBC and Pull your socks right up!

they would pull their socks up, but they're all too disabled.

Have they asterisked "cute"? Why?

Oh no; they mean "crap", right?

Yeah, they mean crap, which isn't really true. My wife always makes a thing of calmly explaining the presenter's one-armedness, cos her dad had a leg amputated and she'd love them to understand his experience, but the kids' reaction is along the lines of 'yeah okay Mum, whatever'. Kids of that age (0-5) encounter new stuff and different people all the time and someone with one arm is just another new thing that's not really quite as exciting to them as aliens or dinosaurs or Scooby Doo. The kids having nightmares are just reacting to their parents freaking out as much as anything else. Fuck those people.

Well, the disabled are just the latest addition to the media's list of convenient scapegoats, alongside the poor, the unemployed, public sector workers, asylum seekers.

The Daily Everybody's Fault Except Mine.

Heh, I thought they'd asterisked "cunt".

Social websites harm children's brains: Chilling warning to parents from top neuroscientist

GREENFIELD DECRIES EVIL WHEEL WHAT'S WRONG WITH WALKING OUR KIDS WILL ATROPHY AND DISSOLVE

Social websites harm children's brains: Chilling warning to parents from top neuroscientist

It's an interesting area, this (and Greenfield's comments strike me as a little more measured than Aric Sigman's last week), but Marcello's absolutely right: what are we meant to do? Turn off progress?

Without wishing to sound like some kind of parallel-universe HYS-er, we might do better to worry more about children's health and wellbeing in the present -- especially the way parts of society blame/demonise them for everything -- than getting upset about what is, arguably, an aspect of human evolution.

Of course, it's a Good Story and Greenfield might wangle some extra research money out of it. Not to mention the Mail's seeming desire for children to be stuffed and preserved in order to retain their "innocence."

bit of vicarious controversy for me here

god anyone who thinks the internet is turning us into aspies is obviously retarded.

Slightly more informative take on the same story, from the Guardian

might wangle some extra research money out of it

Yeh, well, I'm not necessarily going to blame her for that.

i think a bearded or legitimately ugly children's tv presenter would be newsworthy.

How about bearded, ugly and disabled? I hear David Blunkett's at a bit of a loose end.

xpost noel edmonds etc

Bearded, ugly and insane? That'd do.

I dunno; I'm fairly sure it's at least an overstatement and doesn't need the Mail to hand-wring it into their new evils-of-Facebook agenda, and I'm not at all convinced that our idea of normal childhood activities or interaction go back much before the war, and I think kids are pretty resilient, and anyway we farm them off to school for 6 hours a day - what more social training (with free bonus acclimatisation to 40-minute chunks of non-whizzing tedium) do you want?

But I do feel my attention span is a great deal shorter than it was pre-internet, and my inability to sit down and get stuff done without instant gratification for any effort and without frenetic alt-tabbing and mail-checking and ILX-F5ing makes me horribly anxious whenever a task not suiting that approach rolls along, and the idea that kids might never not have been in that kind of environment does make me wonder, a bit. Not sold that we're there yet, though.

I don't really have a point here, never mind any claims or otherwise of actual neurological change.

(xposts + not read Guardian article yet, will do so now)

We had the same rubbish spouted fifty years ago apropos television, and a century ago apropos the evils of moving pictures.

As Geoffrey Palmer has Sir Henry Ponsonby say in Mrs Brown: we cannot begin again.

I blame the magic lantern

And of course only middle class children are worth preserving in innocent aspic; back up the chimneys with the kids of the lower orders!

Have you been reading Iain Duncan Smith again?

Read the Guardian article now. "Devoid of cohesive narrative and long-term significance" - like most things which happen in life, then, what with us not all living in an epic Russian novel?

Think chatting on the internets has done more for my empathy than novels, tbh. Novel = linear plot, no need to wonder why characters are acting how they are, just keep turning page to find out what happens. Internets = oh gosh, these words out there are people with thoughts and feelings, ones which get articulated more comprehensibly (if you're lucky) than the playground "best mates ever" vs sulking vs bawling you may not have time to stop and analyse.

On the other hand, if we are changing in response to Bebo and Donkey Kong (do the kids still rescue princesses in their 3D deathmatches?) then it may be "evolution" handy for a new computer age, but we'd better hope that little problem of running out of oil never happens... oh, we all have to hope that anyway. Shit.

edmonds does not fit into modern children's tv utopia. "fresh faced" remember. he is from a more sordid age and is already overachieving speaking to himself on a budget treasure chest game.

And don't forget his programme on Sky (shudders).

For Kids Today who don't recall Hughie Green's "Stand Up And Be Counted" rant, Noel's re-enacting it every Saturday on Sky. Can't remember where else on ILx it was linked but here's a prime example.

When we stop respecting the ladies and gentlemen of our armed forces this country really is in a shocking state".

(xp) 30 years from now, Edmonds to be subject of sensitive BBC drama which paints him in an entirely new and sympathetic light, a la Hughie Green, Thatcher and other right wing scumbags

... and Whitehouse, of course. Where's the sensitive and sympathetic dramas about Mick McGahey and Red Robbo?

Knockabout Gerry Healy sex comedy.

Sophie Winkleman as Vanessa Redgrave.

^^ wd watch

prefer claudia tbh imo

I can see that working. Jimmy Cricket as Healy.

For Kids Today who don't recall Hughie Green's "Stand Up And Be Counted" rant, Noel's re-enacting it every Saturday on Sky. Can't remember where else on ILx it was linked but here's a prime example.

Marcello, is it true (as wikipedia has it) that this came out as single? I'm relying on your knowledge where google has failed me (all references to it lead back to the wiki).

i must say, the DM has outdone itself with its choice of angle on the natasha richardson accident:

Natasha struck down by the eternal curse of the Redgraves
Scandal and illness has plagued the family since Sir Michael was revealed to be bisexual

o_0

Yeh, I saw that earlier. It's absolutely barking, isn't it? And -- I'd have thought -- incredibly offensive.

So, er, business as usual at the Mail, then.

"Tsk, that family... can't even ski straight."

Natasha learned her father was predominantly gay when she was 11.

Come on, just HOW gay?

What the fuck? Is that really what they said? Jesus.

Also, has there been a thread for the Express 'Dunblane kids bring shame to their dead by refusing to remain 5 years old for the rest of their lives' story?

Yeah it's on one of the Daily Express threads.

haha, what's that all about then?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/mar/16/pcc-targets-sunday-express-over-dunblane-claims

and read the article here The Daily Express

Amazing how they can be snarky about someone who is gravely ill. Not to get all Marcello, but the Daily Mail is representative of the worst of the UK.

i know i posted it to that thread, but the blog about the express journo's own facebook alcolol confessions has given me the sweetest schadenroffles of the year.

The Express story reads like a joke Mail story. You couldn't make it up, etc...

the Daily Mail is representative of the worst of the UK

Fixed.

has MC Coinflipper weighed in on this issue yet?

he quit during the night of the long suggestbans

Another fallen soldier.

No disrespect to MC, but ... given previous form, he'll be back.

I hope so, anyway.

He said he was giving it a month. Then he'll be back w/a new failed meme.

http://img244.imageshack.us/img244/4292/wv3.jpg

Daily Mail Large Print Edition

okay what even is that all about? (much lols tho)

Apparently today's Daily Express front page says:

"Griffin was spattered with egg yolk. The BNP only accepts whites."

That's pretty good for them.

That's brilliant.

Not going to make me read The Express, right enough, but still brilliant.

the good/bad thing about the mail though is that its so amazingly consistent every single issue. i cant think of another paper which is as politically consistent with all its angles as the mail. i have to commend that, just on editorial terms.

Yep, totally consistent. Last year they were giving away thousands of energy saving bulbs and encouraging people to go green. This year trad bulbs got banned and the Mail led the campaign to bring them back again. Bravo chaps.

and there was that time recently they were scaremongering about the hpv cervical cancer vaccine in the uk, but promoting it in ireland:
http://www.layscience.net/node/507

And that time when they were getting really angry about the asylum seekers and all their benefits compared to last week when they were getting really angry with people for voting BNP?

consistently cnuts

Didn't the Dail Mail run a campaign against cervical cancer jabs, but in Ireland, where the Government refused to fund cervical cancer jabs, they campaigned for them?

Er, hang on... Oh, it's Bad Science, sorry to those who are a bit sick of people shouting STRAW MAN! ANECDOTES IMPERMISSIBLE! at poor innocents on message boards -

http://www.badscience.net/2009/04/experts-say-new-scientific-evidence-helpfully-justifies-massive-pre-existing-moral-prejudice/

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/03/article-1190675-0533A8C0000005DC-984_468x286.jpg

lol. ah ok, i obv dont read it as much as i should.

i think bringing back the old bulbs is alright though. a lot of oaps for example need the old ones cos the majority of energy saving bulbs take forever to get going.

and i dont think it was officially decided til this year that the old ones would be taken out of production.

a lot of oaps for example need the old ones cos the majority of energy saving bulbs take forever to get going.

Fuck 'em - they can wait like the rest of us. They go to bed when it gets dark anyway.

(and tbh I've never really found this to be much of a problem)

the eco-bulbs are worse but 1) w/r/t slowness: not as bad as they used to be, and 2) w/r/t the ugliness of the light... lampshades much?

on the other hand, lol at the idea that changing our lightbulbs will save the planet.

aargh my kingdom for a pack of screw in light bulbs which nowhere sells around here although everyone is quite happy to sell lamps with screw in fittings aaargh again

Try IKEA. They sell all kinds of weird lightbulbs. To fit their weird lightfittings.

I have a beautiful ecobulb that screws in and is like a huge orb and has so far lasted 4 years. It's seriously great. Cost a f-ing fortune though.

lol at the idea that changing our lightbulbs will save the planet.
Yeah, but no-one thinks this though do they? It's all cumulative innit. It's better than not doing it anyway.

Not to labour the point but the best thing about ecobulbs is where you have some kink in your wiring that leads to lots of bulbs blowing. We had this problem in our kitchen and the electrician told us to get ecobulbs because of that precise "warming up kind of thing they do" - never had to change the bulb since.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1192166/When-cleaner-wearing-outfit-isnt-time-reach-designer-labels-again.html

^^^this is some fucking next level biz

Wow, I could only get a part of the way through that horseshit.

Never thought I'd say this, but Daily Mail readers in the comments boxes below OTM.

this is obv standard mail get-the-adrenalin-going stuff but perhaps mistimed, to say the least.

i wonder if naomi knows tanya gold?

Never thought I'd say this, but Daily Mail readers in the comments boxes below OTM.

I have no idea to what extent they represent the readership - I suspect not that much by dint of the fact they're reading it on the internet - but they tend to actually be pretty quick to clown 'fuck poor people' pieces like this or anything that puts fashion/consumerism on a pedestal

^^^ This. Daily Mail comments box usually more sane than Have Your Say or the Graun one. Possibly due to it being liberal trolls as opposed to Tory trolls.

^beat me to it.

GAH. What an asshole, most people I know with a cleaner on the payroll can't stop 'handing down' bags of still-serviceable clothes, particularly if cleaner has kids. So it's reverse snobbery to say how cheap your clothes are, to people who have expensive clothes? OH BOO HOO HOO on your fake class war. The only time I do this is after a great score at the charity shop, such as the black Martin Margiela jacket I got for £5 or the black wool Ann Demeulemeester sweater for £3; suck on that you stupid Femail harpy.

Everyone I know stopped buying Primarché because it's made in sweatshops but the article doesn't mention that at all, LOL Mail.

Never thought I'd say this, but Daily Mail readers in the comments boxes below OTM.

Recently googled a local MP (Lib Dem MP Dr Evan Harris, should anyone wish to google it themselves) and found a vitriolic hate piece in the Daily Mail about how this terrible man supported abortion and stem cell research. To my surprise, most of the comments and all the ones with positive votes were either pro-Harris or at least questioning why the Mail had decided to run an attack on the guy apparently a propos of nothing.

Nothing has made me like an MP so much as seeing the Mail get angry about his mere existence.

These things (and their responses) do make me wonder whether Dacre's now pushed the Mail into deliberate liberal-winding-up self-parody.

Private Eye was saying that Rothermere and pretty much everyone at the Mail is getting pretty annoyed at how it's just a big incoherent vessel for Dacre's madness

You don't even need to be particularly liberal to find that piece idiotic, that's the thing.

As long as the Mail's circulation remains so remarkably constant, however, it's unlikely that Rothermere would be pushing Dacre out.

Too absurd; didn't read. Did give the cunts another page hit, though. Gaah.

Private Eye was saying that Rothermere and pretty much everyone at the Mail is getting pretty annoyed at how it's just a big incoherent vessel for Dacre's madness

Umm, not quite: it was more that they're pissed off he won't relinquish control. But that's not quite the same thing: not even Dacre is enough of a control freak to fill that thing full of such spectacular amounts of pish. Put it this way: it would be equally incoherent and loathsome -- possibly more so -- under all manner of different editors (one of the names mentioned in that PE piece in particular. Brrr).

pwned: http://blogs.journalism.co.uk/editors/2009/06/20/twitterers-claim-victory-over-loaded-daily-mail-gypsy-poll/

The UK-based Mail Online was forced to shut down one of its online polls yesterday after a concerted campaign by Twitter users and, Journalism.co.uk can reveal, UK-based psychologists, nearly brought their servers to a halt with an overwhelming ‘yes’ vote.

The poll, which asked the somewhat leading question “Should the NHS allow gipsies to jump the queue”, attracted ridicule from many within the Twitter community leading to, at one point a 96% vote in favour of the proposition.

"Nearly brought their servers to a halt"?

Where is the evidence for that, journalism.co.uk?

and, Journalism.co.uk can reveal, UK-based psychologists

Private Eye was saying that Rothermere and pretty much everyone at the Mail is getting pretty annoyed at how it's just a big incoherent vessel for Dacre's madness

― EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Friday, 12 June 2009 13:59 (1 week ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Not as inco as the Express, anyway...

Presumably that was the Mail's "official line" on it and is, in fact, utter bollocks.

I just like the "lol were in ur poll fuckin' wit ur results" aspect.

I had a look after I saw the tweets. The Gypsy poll had been removed by then, but when I tried to vote on a wheelie-bin one, I got an error message. So something was borked. Maybe the polls ran on a different server to the site.

the Express is for people who are actually senile though so it has a bit more leeway

every poll on the related list is similarly ridiculously skewed

What's that you say? just a big incoherent vessel for Dacre's madness?

Turkey Twizzlers are GOOD for you and polar bears AREN'T dying out!

Next on CBeebies, a party political broadcast by the Labour Party. OK, I'm not being literal, but I never thought good old Auntie would betray me like this; that it would become the Government's ventriloquist's dummy by piping out Labour's send-mums-back-to-work mantra on its preschool channel.

When I considered what to allow my 21-month-old toddler to watch on television, I turned to the trusted corporation that gave me Blue Peter and Take Hart as I grew up.

It felt entirely natural to combine what I was teaching my son with the educational programmes on CBeebies. And as we watched them together, I saw an improvement in his vocabulary and grasp of colours and numbers.

But as we continued to tune into Balamory, Timmy Time and Me Too! I began to look more closely, and realised they should really be sold as the Beeb's party political broadcasts on behalf of Gordon Brown.

What about Pingu's mum?

And they're nicking Flickr pics

What about Pingu's mum?

Has she got it goin' on or something?

Is it any wonder the escalation in anti-social behaviour over the past 30 years has coincided with the rise in children being nurtured - or not - by strangers?

Turkey Twizzlers are GOOD for you and polar bears AREN'T dying out!

Okay, I actually wanted to bludgeon those clowns with bananas after reading that nobwash.

The Government has caved in to the anti-salt zealots

well how could they possibly resist such a powerful group?

The anti-antisaltzealots have seemingly managed to get the salt back onto McDonald's fries...

So, anyroad, does this mean himself is actually eating the Turkey Twizzlers?

Just a thought:

This:

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/21/article-1194589-056DDACF000005DC-333_468x350.jpg

.. is possibly not the best pic to insist that the Polar bears are not endangered, and that the ice-caps are not melting...

Guys, the book was co-written by an anaesthetist and a doctor. But hey, they're Professors so they must know all about climatology, right?

That looks faked (xp)

Yeah they coaxed the bear up there with Tunnocks teacakes.

Fox's Glacier Mints surely?

Coka Cola?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_T-x4i90b1hc/RsXXdVBtksI/AAAAAAAABkM/WPDQYIxF4H8/s400/fox.jpg

I think maybe the point of the picture is "lol this isn't really happening", not that they just didn't notice there was melting ice under the polar bear

I think the point of the picture is "let's firebomb Northcliffe House".

it's a different viewpoint, i thought you hippies loved all that perspective-inclusion shit.

What about Pingu's mum?

Has she got it goin' on or something?

She's a stay at home mum. And look at all the trouble Pingu gets into. Oh, right I see what they're doing...

it's very subtle, that's the thing

Laura Kemp's only other article - from last month.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1181379/Welcome-Mummy-Tummy-Club-Julia-Roberts-Actress-bares-stretch-marks-heroine-real-women.html

In essence, we celebrate the realities of motherhood, embrace CBeebies and stick two fromage-frais-covered fingers up at the perfectly coiffured, designer-dressed women who effortlessly juggle career, toddler and - gasp - sex life.

"The doom-mongers love to tell us we're all going to hell in a handcart. But don't panic!" This from the famously doom-averse, panic-alleviating, look-on-the-bright-side Daily Mail.

xp she's obviously their CBeeebie correspondent, working out the hidden messages embedded by New Labour. Next article: the Teletubbies told me to do it!

Laura Kemp's CBeebies analysis reminds me of those right-wing critics in the 60s who looked for Communist propaganda in Beatles songs.

Like The Manchurian Candidate, only with more childrens entertainment.

I felt more than a little nauseous after seeing this strapline on the front of today's Mail , FARRAH THE FALLEN ANGEL: HOW DRUGS, ALCOHOL, BOTCHED SURGERY AND AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH RYAN O'NEAL DESTROYED THE 70S ICON, BY GEOFFREY WANSELL. Honestly, fuck the lot of them.

all of those things clearly contributory factors to her cancer. jesus christ.

Daily Mail writer reviews a film he hasn't seen, gets very angry about it

This is a humdinger.

"fully confirming our jihadist enemies' view of us as a society in the last stages of corruption and decay."

ARE THEY WITH US, OR AGAINST US??? SO CONFUSING

"Lars Von Trier makes film containing graphic sex, maybe the Taliban were right all along."

It doesn't surprise me that Antichrist was heavily subsidised by the Danish Film Institute to the tune of 1.5 million euros.

Not the Danish Film Institute!

Those destabilisers of the free economies of the western world!

If you dont like it, dont watch it!
- Dan, Staffordshire, 19/7/2009 21:54

he didn't!

I'm slightly disappointed that the comments box is full of sensible-ish people calling him out on it. Give it until lunchtime...

There, horrors the likes of which I have never witnessed...

Quite.

If I were to see Antichrist, I don't believe for a moment that it would incite me into copycat violent behaviour or make me a danger to others. But it would poison my mind and imagination, with explicit, ferocious scenes of sexual violence that would stay with me for ever.

Isn't that good enough reason to ban it, or at least demand extensive cuts?

Genius

"Extensive cuts" in that context is unfortunate.

Previous ar4ticle by C Hart.

The Genesis enigma: How DID the Bible describe the evolution of life 3,000 years before Darwin?

Debate with the Mail: Was Michael Jackson the Mozart of our time or a sign of a bankrupt culture?

Like a good wine, she just gets better with age. So move over Gordon Brown - let's make Joanna Lumley PM!

Like a good wine, she just gets better with age. So move over Gordon Brown - let's make Joanna Lumley PM!

Say this to someone, and ask them which newspaper. Today!

Haha, the bit where he goes on about Bruno being just as bad because of gay men in baths with babies, but that's OK because it makes you laugh (even though gayist are obviously paedos) = genius.

Also genius how they illustrate this shocking depravity with pictures of its shocking depravity in a paper which will be happened upon by many more children that some Lars von Trier film ever will.

oh wow this is a beaut!

that genesis enigma article is about a writer who is dumber than hart himself.

...horrors the likes of which I have never witnessed unfold in graphic detail. Probably. But I've, y'know, never witnessed them.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1204359/In-week-Harriet-Harman-takes-charge-feminist-initiative.html

kind of lol but mostly actually pretty hateful

Pupils as young as five will be taught about the evils of 'wife beating' and the need to form healthy relationships.

Love the use of 'wife beating' there, as if it's an urban myth or something.

Good! Wish they'd taught me how to beat my wife when I was at school but my Mum always said I shouldn't hit women or policemen! Since then I've learned that women should never have been given the vote and should have it taken from them a.s.a.p. and removed from the House of Commons! After all it's only since they've introduced their sloppy housekeeping accounting methods that MP's have got in a muddle with their expenses!

- Ralph Smith, Vancouver BC Canada, 5/8/2009 1:58
Click to rate Rating +7

er, +7 is in bold but those characters don't display it very well

Daily Mail comments box trolls are one of those things that never fail to brighten up my day.

I've really developed a fascination with building a picture of the people who rate every single comment underneath a story on there... there must be a three-figure number of them, going through the doggerel, every day, getting some squirt of adrenaline out of it that you or I may never understand

Maybe we could organise a group of four or five hundred people to spend a few weeks rating "wrongly" on the Mail site and change their whole editorial ethos.

It might be the only chance we ever get to influence a New Labour government policy on anything

Maybe we could organise a group of four or five hundred people to spend a few weeks rating "wrongly" on the Mail site and change their whole editorial ethos.

i do this on the rare times i visit, to soothe my conscience for giving them the page-view

The most eye-catching proposal in the document is the one to force schools to introduce statutory lessons in 'educating children and young people about healthy, nonviolent relationships'.

You've got to give them credit for spinning a whole shock horror story from such meagre fare. I hope the Mail never introduces charging, I shall miss it.

Feminist agenda: Under controversial plans, schoolboys will be taught not to beat their partners or any other female

^ What happens when subs stop thinking about what they're writing/reading. I can see how something like that comes about -- "Need to mention controversy! Need to use dog-whistle words! Need to get across the story!" -- but the result is fucking barking nonsense.

they're not just there for the nasty things in life:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1204641/New-ID-cards-supposed-unforgeable--took-expert-12-minutes-clone-programme-false-data.html#

As a chilling twist, he adds a message that would be visible to any police officer or security official who scanned the card: 'I am a terrorist - shoot on sight.'

bit of a dick move for any chilling terrist tbh

Because, even today, after 20 years of feminism, the female voice is like one of those whistles only dogs can hear.

My friends and I call these infuriating incidents 'pine marten moments'. This dates from the time, a few years ago, when my husband Chris and I were on holiday with a group of friends and family in France.

Seated around a table in a rustic restaurant, one of the party noticed a stuffed animal peering beadily from a glass case and a lively discussion ensued.

'I wonder what that is?' said Chris. 'I think it might be a stoat,' said a male friend. 'No, it's a ferret of some sort,' ventured my brother-in-law.

'Actually, it's a pine marten,' I announced confidently.

'Hmm,' replied the friend. 'Wrong colour for a ferret.'

'That's because it's a pine marten,' I repeated.

'Really?' said yet another friend. 'Well, maybe it's a weasel of some kind.'

This debate about woodland fauna carried on over my head for five minutes until my husband quietly ventured

'Could it be a pine marten?', at which there was a roar of masculine agreement. 'Of course! A pine marten! Well done, mate!'

life imitates fast show sketch

Fast Show sketch imitating real life IMO.

oh yeah, definitely. mail feature imitates fast show sketch imitating real life?

Ironic that I heard that sketch on "The Fast Show" first.

xpost ah dammit.

I KNOW IT WAS 15 MINS AGO, I WAS WORKIN!

like one of those whistles only dogs can hear

If only there was a commonly used name for those things.

http://www.watfordobserver.co.uk/news/1757164.print/

Ah, a 'thieving git' moment.

If your xpost was 15 minutes out of date why would you not just click back?

¯\(°_o)/¯

Is that excerpt being cited for wrongheadedness cz of
a) the thieving, not mentioned until later, by someone else;
b) this happens to everyone, not just to women by men, so enough with the ¡que machistas! tone;
c) this never happens at all, moaning bitches (I assure you it does, though I had assumed to everyone, but recent personal examples all went along the same gender lines);
d) it is poorly written, though no more so than 80% of newspaper waffle-pieces?

(I just went to read the rest of the article and couldn't be bothered to wade through it, so I'm not going to bother defending it on d, I guess)

It's fairly obviously bollocks from the start, but b) probably applies too.

¯\(°_o)/¯

― Susan Tully Blanchard (MPx4A), Thursday, 13 August 2009 10:58 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Because I clicked on it, went to do something, came back, read thread, typed in reply, Submitted, added xpost, resubmitted, then saw how long ago it was wanted to.

I suppose it is clearly bollocks.

Either I am still too annoyed at the last time this happened to me to notice, or I forgot that normal people don't spend as much time thinking about weasels as I do (and I couldn't pick a pine marten out of a lineup either).

As you were...

Well, my first reaction was that it was made up shit, but I guess it could have happened to the Watford woman for real years ago for all I know.

it could be the same woman. what's the betting that two women in the media know each other? and that the one reporting it second-hand got the location wrong? as DM articles go - as DM articles on its website today alone - this is not one to pick on, and i've no idea why you would.

I figured it reasonably likely it was one person using two different bylines - I found it while googling for the Fast Show sketch which I don't actually remember

indeed, tho the watford one says it all happened to her friend, and the DM one says it happened to her

c'mon, there's no way this isn't plagiarism.

Anecdotal women-being-ignored story:

Have just been watching Sky Sports News. They are reading out viewer emails from people talking about the introduction of women's boxing to the Olympics.
Female presenter reads out an email "Sue from Croydon wonders if this means we'll get Chippendales parading round with the boards between rounds" (laughs at this point, evidently getting Sue from Croydon's stupid point and doing that presenterly thing of pretending your viewers are great) "but she's spelled it chip and dales, like Chip and Dale, I'm not sure what that's about".
Bloke presenter: "well, you see, some boxing tournaments have women in bikinis carrying the boards, she means that female boxing might have..."
Female interjects: "yes, I know, but Chip And Dale"...
Bloke ignores her: "yes, female boxing might have scantily clad men, you see"
Female tries to butt in again, bloke looks at her like she's simple and carries on with something else.

Grrrrr.

That pine marten story sounds like a load of bollocks, and the various people who have had this happen to them need to realise that it makes them look like they have a really twatty taste in friends.

Not usually my friends, alas. I signed up for beginners' German lessons, where the class was one male tutor, four women who didn't speak (much) German (it being a beginners' class), and one half-German guy who was pretty much fluent at spoken German but wanted to brush up on his grammar. Most of every lesson was him and the tutor talking - usually in English - about football and films we hadn't seen. Occasionally the tutor would throw a question apparently to the entire group, except this would happen every time a woman answered.

Working in IT, meetings are usually another good source of it.

Why I hate Daily Telegraph readers, as distilled into the comments at the bottom of one article about Islam

http://img216.imageshack.us/img216/4715/tinymaoam.jpg

The other day, while doing our weekly shop, I bought for my two children Benjamin and Ofelia, a packet of Haribo Maoam lemon-and-lime confectionery. It was only after I was leaving the checkout that I noticed the appalling illustration on the packaging.

This consists of a lemon and lime locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter. The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid and distasteful expression on his face.

I demanded to see the shop manager and during a heated exchange my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park.

I was told to register my complaint with the manufacturer. I'm glad I spotted this before my young children, who are both very sensitive.

My wife and I have always tried to maintain their innocence -- and to think our years of careful parenting could have been wrecked by, of all things, a sweet wrapper makes me livid.

I received a reply from the company saying that the wrapper design had been introduced in Germany in 2002 with a view to making the fruit figures 'more modern and lively' to 'better appeal to the consumer.' It said 'at no point was it intended to create sexual images.' It had been shown to a number of children and adults of different age groups, none of whom has made any comments referring to sexual content.

I consider this response to be less than satisfactory. As a member of our local church, I'm now urging other members of our flock to boycott Haribo products until this illustration is removed.

SIMON SIMPKINS
Pontefract, West Yorkshire

lime is clearly the broad, or it's shock horror a gay coupling

This consists of a lemon and lime locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter. The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid and distasteful expression on his face.

Someone should tell him the lemon is a dude as well.

lol xpost

Fair play, you put it better

The most disgusting thing about this is that it's a revival of an old, old story

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=6148&in_page_id=2

or that it's just a publicity stunt by haribo:

http://www.brandrepublic.com/News/929986/Maoam-carnal-complaint-letter-publicity-stunt/

The old ILX thread about it

"They were especially opposed to the lemon flavoured chews, which 'undoubtedly show a green figure having sex with a lemon.'"

o happy world

The lime has got legs but the lemon hasn't, makes it look like some sort of fruit-based decapitation scenario. Disgusting.

http://zalandria.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/boxing_helena.jpg

boxing helemon

boxcar helemon

children would be shocked to find that they were the product of a carnal encounter, quite possibly conducted with grim expressions on the faces of each party

Guy on the right's face looks like he's just sucked a lemon.

oh mercy me look at that sexy fucking lemon. what i wouldn't do to her if I was a young juicy lime.

I wonder how many trolls get letters in.

Lucky it wasn't a tomato...

tomato-flavoured chewing-gum is something that could only have been forged in the Stygian vaults of a particularly British imagination

These things are all over the internet:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_tdHEb3gxUr8/RykSkpciS-I/AAAAAAAAAo4/C_ftP94M69U/s400/maoam%2520clos201%5B1%5D.jpg

http://www.oeft.at/images2008/maoam_cherry.jpg

This lemon/lime thing is a "silly season" story. Wikipedia notes that:

In many languages, the silly season is called "cucumber time" or similar.

I kinda liked this story, but only cos the guy looks like Mick Hucknall in Jarvis Cocker specs.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/08/24/article-1208724-062A8DDD000005DC-954_233x390.jpg

Could you get more stereotypically crepey perv?

Michael Caine's weird cousin.

These things are all over the internet

The cherry one is real though!

those citrus fruits are actually depicted in a carnal encounter, though. i mean, is that even in dispute?

Fruit don't have genitals, Darramagh.

http://www.fearlessgearless.com/files/images/20050917_Phallic_Fruit_05_0.preview.jpg

http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/1293/27000295z.jpg

The story is as follows... last Saturday's first edition Express had several headlines containing the word “finally”, including a spread: Can Dec finally match Ant? so a decision was made to change it to “at last”.

o_O

In the science section to-day.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1223225/Will-world-end-December-21-2012-The-worrying-evidence-ancient-astrologers-claim-film-inspired.html

"It has since emerged that Heene planned to build an underground bunker to protect his family in the event of the sun exploding in 2012."

Good luck there buddy.

Awesome caption: "The 2012 date is based on the sudden demise of the Mayans, whose skulls are seen above"

Q&As here: http://astrobiology.nasa.gov/ask-an-astrobiologist/intro/nibiru-and-doomsday-2012-questions-and-answers

So disappointed every A to the likes of "All my school friends are telling me that we are all going to die in the year 2012 due to a meteor hitting earth. Is this true?" isn't "Don't be a fucking gullible dick!"

Another 'the end is nigh' story to promote a crap film. DM readers hinting that Brown or Blair are in on it made me chuckle.

WAHT

I am not suggesting that any British scientists are currently conducting experiments comparable to those which were allowed in Nazi Germany or in Soviet Russia.

But

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1224858/Yes-scientists-good-But-country-run-arrogant-gods-certainty-truly-hell-earth.html

lol i was on my here to post that!

no way

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1224858/Yes-nazism-not-cool-But-think-bout-it-this-way.html

saying ecstasy is safe in our sink estates = not so bad an idea

The only difference between Hitler and previous governments was that he believed, with babyish credulity, in science as the only truth.

Wait, what?

It'd cheer them up a bit etc...

I like the way each part of his argument has a subhead: BLUSTER, IRRATIONALITY, NAIVETY. That may have backfired a tad.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1225006/Saudi-Arabian-paedophile-beheaded-crucified-string-sex-attacks-including-left-toddler-die-desert.html

UK sharia law: can't come soon enough, online readership conclude

lolololololololololololololololololoetc.

Good grief. Are we living in the 21st century?

- andrea m preston, glastonbury uk, Rating: -778

Enough said about this filthy leach of a country.
- Alex, NYC

it's good to see religious hate put aside and everyone united against paedophilia!

well, it actually is tbf

it is tbf?

Yeah, it's nice to see us putting aside our differences and embracing our shared love for violent cruelty and vengeance.

fly a plane into the paedos' homes, tbh

Yeah, then we'd all vote Osama!

A 'name and shame' campaign combined with encouraging suicide bombings would get rid of paedophiles and braindead vigilantes, so maybe worth considering.

get a camera crew to follow both parties

UK sharia law: can't come soon enough, online readership conclude

one of my favourite segments from Down The Line took this very theme

Personally, I think beheading and crucifiction isn't good enough.

- Neil Smith, Portsmouth, Hampshire, UK, 4/11/2009 19:58

Now that's what I call a hardliner, someone willing to bring back hanging, drawing and quartering.

it's good to see religious hate put aside and everyone united against paedophilia!

just in case we were losing sight of the actual sentiment i was agreeing with.

It's not fair Germaine Greer gets to do all the articles about women in the 1960s, I'm easily as bonkers as her - says Bel Mooney My generation created the sexual revolution - and it has been wrecking the lives of women ever since

there was something truly showstopping by one Rosa Monkton about Labour's family advisor yesterday

I love the photo they have used with this one to illustrate the 60s (but if pixellated nipples are deemed nsfw don't click on the jpg below)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/12/02/article-1232485-076D7700000005DC-446_468x286.jpg

And what has all this terrible sex and drinking forced on us by those hippies led to - I hear you ask? Behold the full extent of how far we have fallen down the cesspit of our own making...

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/12/01/article-1232485-0742CB46000005DC-136_468x567.jpg

As the writer and feminist pioneer Rosie Boycott has said: 'What was insidious about the underground was that it pretended to be alternative. But it wasn't providing an alternative for women. It was providing an alternative for men in that there were no problems about screwing around.'

http://southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/images/shows/southpark/vertical_video/import/season_03/sp_0304_01_v6.jpg

Rosie Boycott, yesterday

Stephen Glover - please fuck off.
Her timing was insensitive and her tone may have jarred. But in the light of new revelations it's hard to find fault with what Jan Moir wrote about Stephen Gately's sad death

Stephen Glover - please fuck off.

I often think this.

The Daily Mail is a fucking shitrag.

here is that brilliant rosa monkton article

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1232185/ROSA-MONCKTON-Dr-Rake-live-sink-estate-year.html

I suspect that the avalanche of complaints, and most of the abuse directed at Jan, came from a small but vocal minority, some of whom had probably not even read her original article.

Funnily enough, I suspect that almost all of them did read the article.

If Stephen Gately had been ‘Stephanie’, and Georgi Dochev had been ‘Georgiana’, blah blah blah

We now know the details because Georgi Dochev has given a long and shocking interview in the Sunday Mirror that has been barely noticed in the wider world.

Zing!

ha, yeah.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1238839/Ive-liked-homeless--theyre-smelly-scary-So-Christmas-shift-shelter-change-mind.html

More from Liz Jones...

* LIZ JONES: Plus-size models are all the rage, but is fashion really ready to embrace them? 27/12/09
* LIZ JONES: There I stood, homeless with my Prada case 26/12/09
* LIZ JONES: The award for worst dressed celebrity of the year goes to... 23/12/09
* LIZ JONES: Wish me a lonely Christmas and spare a thought for the millions of women like me 20/12/09
* LIZ JONES: When race, religion and 'culture' must come second to what is right 20/12/09
* LIZ JONES: The fox shrug and leather pants say it all... Posh has blown it again 16/12/09
* LIZ JONES FASHION THERAPY: 20 ways to feel glamorous without spending a fortune... 13/12/09
* LIZ JONES: Give bankers a break, they're not puppy murderers after all 12/12/09
* VIEW FULL ARCHIVE

I keep being tempted to start a Liz Jones thread on here, but it's like shooting fish in a barrel, really.

I mean, this...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1238565/LIZ-JONES.html

She really is hateful.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ca/Bundesarchiv_B_145_Bild-F051673-0059%2C_Adolf_Hitler_und_Eva_Braun_auf_dem_Berghof.jpg

"Admittedly I don't really like people all that much. I've always much preferred animals. They love you back, unconditionally. They never betray you"

went with

http://blogs.browardpalmbeach.com/pulp/CrazyCatLady.jpg

but yeah

i think she's almost a tragic figure. she certainly seems hugely damaged and fucked up and miserable, and i guess that makes her the ideal columnist for the mail, because miserable and damaged women are, for them, the best kind.

There's no fucking excuse for pish like this though:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1229399/LIZ-JONES-What-happened-I-tried-live-65-week.html

(though major lolz at the picture where she's ripped her leggings to shreds to denote her extreme poverty)

she's just insane really, isn't she? like, most of the mail peeps seem calculating and evil, but she's just proper batshit.

This comment on the £65 a week article is otm:

I know what's happened here. For years the Mail has been ranting about how anyone on the dole lives like Bill Gates while the affluent middle-classes are somehow poor because they struggle paying for private school and a million quid mortgage. Then the recession hits and lots of said middle-class people get thrown on the dole and find out that shockingly the DSS don't give fortunes in benefits. So irate readers stop buying the paper and the Mail eds decide to do a 'sympathy for the devil <unemployed>' piece to get them back. However they get Jones to write it and she turns in a piece so patronising it would win a bad journalism Oscar - if such a thing existed. And by the way, is Jones having a mental breakdown? Her writing is now bordering on the insane....
- Ruth, Kettering, 20/11/2009 8:36

(though major lolz at the picture where she's ripped her leggings to shreds to denote her extreme poverty)

I think that may be a style feature...See excerpt from this Observer profile in August 2009:

Jones is wearing a pinstripe jacket with muddy cuffs - Dries Van Noten, I will later discover; a relic from her old life in London - and a pair of grubby knitted jodpurs so amazingly holey they resemble laddered tights. The effect is highly eccentric.

Ah, is her batty country chic, is it? OK. I must admit her columns are my guilty pleasure, but I do sort of feel I am peering through the windows of the asylum and mocking the freakshow within.

First against the wall come the revolution. Honestly.