Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

Free copy in the office. So there.

My grandad has read the Mail every day for the past 65 years. It shows, too.

This is clearly the greatest newspaper of all time. Photos please.

"Not really", she said.

Apparently not. Harry Whittier Smith claimed to pose live kittens using "only patient, unfailing kindness."

Though today's two-page Mail exposé reveals that for some of the pics he may have actually just pushed their heads through backdrops.

This edition of the DM is lacking one classic DM ingredient which is the serialisation of a book revealing secrets of the universe, eg. The Crystal Skull, The Bible Code etc. I recommend Who Built The Moon?

However, these days I read the Times and the Sun, so maybe I am turning into a rightie.

"p20: Council tax bills could go up! Oh, the humanity," and possibly

"p39: Teachers can't cope with all the pupils in Portsmouth who speak foreign."

aren't necessarily loony.

Now there's a paper I wouldn't mind reading.

xxpost

many Daily Mail readers. not actual scientists or anything.

p17: IT'S IN YOUR GENES YOU WOULD HAVE GOT IT ANYWAY THEY'RE HAVING SEX AND YOU GAVE IT UP IN 1978 GET OVER IT

p20: PEOPLE EXPECTED TO PAY FOR SERVICES THEY RECEIVE SHOCK HORROR YOUTH CULT PROBE

p4: We should boycott shops that sell "inappropriate" clothes for children.

I don't find either of those particularly objectionable, although the rest of the list is pretty shitty. DOES THIS MAKE ME A BAD LIBERAL.

p4: IT'S CALLED CAPITALISM YOU WANTED THATCHER YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW GET OVER IT

Why aspire to 19th smiling faced, so-gooding, robber barondon?

This is idiocy, of course, but it comes from an expected source. A rather less expected source is Stephen Malkmus, who, in the current edition of Index magazine, says it's nice to be in Portland rather than New York, then adds "But the west coast has a downside too, like the number of ridiculous leftists..." He then recounts an anecdote of wanting to shove one of said leftists up against a wall. So that's what "Pig Lib" meant!

xxpost

And so say, errrrrrrrrrr, some of us!

I blame the abolition of Old Labour.

Malkmus made snidey comments about "leftists" on "Embassy Row" years back. He's probably worried they'd make him get his haircut and stop mumbling.

(I posted this to FB earlier - here seems like a good place to share.)

The Daily Mail used to own a regional newspaper publishing company called Northcliffe Media. One of Northcliffe’s titles was the Nottingham Post, for whom I freelanced between 2006 and 2014. Its website was also under Northcliffe’s control, and built to a standard model. This included scanning all uploaded content for profanities, and replacing any banned words with an equivalent number of asterisks.

The profanity filters operated regardless of context. So, when I described Azealia Banks as wearing a pussy-blow blouse, the website rendered it as *****-bow. And when, reviewing a ska gig, I talked of the crowd skanking, it was translated as *****ing. How readers’ imaginations must have boggled.

Leading and trailing spaces were ignored, too, with delicious consequences. Another reviewer, writing up a Miles Kane gig, mentioned the singer’s monobrow. On the website, it became a mo***row. Reviewing Arthur Brown, I noted his cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Green Manalishi”. Hey presto: “Green M****ishi”.

In 2012, Charlotte Church came to town. Kicking against her previous media incarnations, she had just “gone indie”, and was writing songs inspired by her rough treatment at the hands of the press. One number dealt with her appearance at the Leveson inquiry into press standards. On stage, she sarcastically dedicated it to Paul Dacre. Or, as the website had it, **** *****.

Somewhere on a Northcliffe server, there must have been a file with the words "pussy", "skank", "nob", "anal" and "Paul Dacre". The thought of this tickled me no end. It still does.

Should send that one to Private Eye, I'm sure they're penning a suitable tribute right now.

You're right; I just have.

They like it!

cool!

Awesome, I might have to buy a copy now!

ex+

Francis likes it, he's having a word with Ian.

heh, look forward to seeing this in print!

Seems like a long time ago I worked in the daily mail building probably because it was. Why didn't I stab Simon heffer to death when I had the chance. Tbh I didn't have a knife on me

you could have bludgeoned the cunt with a fire extinguisher ffs!

I was in a lift with the cunt, don't think was anything heavy enough to hand

Who actually buys Simon Heffer books? I just want to bring back book-burning and gulags, nothing unreasonable.

He writes books? Jesus. Now I feel worse for not beating him to death with my shoes

They are all about either the British Empire or Victorians, and have an "absolutely fucking riveting" - some cunt from The Mail on their cover.

"A Short History of Power" gets 3.2 on goodreads!

That was my one chance to make the world a better place

his Short History of Power is 160 pages long. Maybe read it for a hate laugh? No No No No No, not a good idea!

I feel like him and Tristam Hunt have much History bantz together, despite their obvious political polarity.

What, as in "That's you that is..."

probably, but pointing at pictures of their own parents and cousins or cousins fucked by other cousins and so on - ad infinitum!

That Paul Dacre profanity filter story is on Page 9 of this week's Private Eye. Props to Mark G for the nudge.

awesome!

Buying a copy later on.

Me too!

gtf in there, mike!

Ha, that's great Mike!

Thanks, I'm well chuffed. I meant to submit that story years ago, but the timing was suddenly perfect.

amazing, props!

just read the story in private eye now - nice work mike!

The Daily Mail is good now!

didn't realise Dacre had gone tbh but fuck the Mail

it's one of David Cameron and Boris Johnson's Eton contemporaries Geordie Greig at the helm now, so you can be sure that a pivot towards socialism will now happen

as if some posh cunt is called Geordie!

affectionate public school nickname because he visited somewhere north of Sandringham once

While Dacre was known for retreating to his Scottish Highlands estate, former Tatler editor Greig prepared for the job by taking a holiday in Zimbabwe, which is being written up for the society magazine by his son Jasper – recently appointed as Tatler’s London editor.
The Old Etonian, who has taken fellow Old Etonian Tobyn Andreae with him to be deputy editor, is happy to be photographed at celebrity parties and mixes in the same circles as the Rothermeres...

Seriously, it's like the last hundred years never happened.

the last hundred years didn't happen for the rich iirc

https://i.redd.it/1i8g8gz7uf941.jpg

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/320/cpsprodpb/17504/production/_111229459_dm-frontpage-12march2020.jpg

"Cheltenham and Diabetes Pullouts" is all-time

Notice anything about the children the Daily Mail "edited out", in its attack on Educators today? pic.twitter.com/nnaWVbDFNL

— Daniel Kebede (@DanielKebedeNEU) May 15, 2020

two black schoolchildren given the Yezhov cut for the cover.

I suspect that only one of these photos will be in tomorrow’s Daily Mail. pic.twitter.com/nqrjwOA5Z1

— Francis Wheen (@FrancisWheen) July 2, 2020

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EqZrViYW8AAghJg?format=jpg&name=medium

twin peaks. Oh yes I almost forgot the current Mail editor is a friend of the soon to be convicted (or murdered lol) paedo on the cover

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EsIHG1jXcAAFJfM?format=jpg&name=large

also see: Why I hate this country distilled into one edition.

how to avoid giving the DM ad clicks for when you need a rage read session

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/textbased/channel-1/index.html

Hope the cunts go bankrupt

Prince Harry, Sir Elton John, David Furnish, Elizabeth Hurley, Sadie Frost and Baroness Doreen Lawrence have launched a legal action against Associated Newspapers, publishers of The Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday and the Mail Online.

— Daniel Sandford (@BBCDanielS) October 6, 2022

Hamlins LLP said the "unlawful acts alleged to have taken place include:
1) The hiring of private investigators to secretly place listening devices inside people’s cars and homes

— Daniel Sandford (@BBCDanielS) October 6, 2022

2) The commissioning of individuals to surreptitiously listen into and record people’s live, private telephone calls whilst they were taking place
3) The payment of police officials, with corrupt links to private investigators, for inside, sensitive information

— Daniel Sandford (@BBCDanielS) October 6, 2022

has Doreen Lawrence ever commented on the Daily Mail's "murderers" front page? Not that it makes a difference either way to these scumbags being scumbags, but I've always thought it very strange how it was the Daily Mail who took the biggest risk around the case.

The Mail became interested when it transpired that Neville Lawrence had worked for the Dacres as a handyman.

A reminder that the Daily Mail was about to do a hit job on the Lawrences then Neville who had done plastering work at editor Paul Dacre’s house rang him up & said it was his son and could he help & Dacre was reminded of their humanity https://t.co/iSSrp8agAR

— MARCUS. 🇧🇧🏳️‍🌈 (@marcusjdl) October 6, 2022

I didn't know the Mail was about to go after the Lawrence family (not exactly surprising).

I knew about the Dacre connection but imagined they were just ignoring the story, rather than planning a hit-piece