Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

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The 22 September 2005 is something of a classic in Mail terms. Here's why:

Front page: social workers say Kate Moss is not fit to be a parent

p4: We should boycott shops that sell "inappropriate" clothes for children.

p6: Melanie Phillips says our once great education system lies in ruins, and it's all "the left's" fault.

p10-11: "The great fashion week cocaine binge"

p14: leader comment says children bunking off school are all Tony Blair's fault; PLUS — it's terrible that the police won't lock up gypsies.

p17: one cigarette a day TRIPLES your risk of lung cancer (with pic of woman — possibly an irresponsible mother — smoking).

p20: Council tax bills could go up! Oh, the humanity.

p21: Those pesky gyppos again, complete with a "Guess what?" line in the subhead.

p22-23: "They're known as Moss's Posse — the group of louche stars the tarnished supermodel has lured into her amoral world..." Tells us that Jefferson Hack wanted to marry the mother of his child, "but Kate just wanted to party."

p36-37: two pages of victorian photos of kittens dressed as people.

p39: Teachers can't cope with all the pupils in Portsmouth who speak foreign.

p46-47: the "disturbing truth" about the white British women who have sex with black men in the Gambia.

p49: "Ruthless, career-minded women. An underclass of weak, emasculated men."

p54: The "dark side" of Harvey Nichols.

And so and so forth.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if they're taking the piss...

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

Why did you buy it then, and therefore help keep it going?

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

What about the sports pages?

Last Of The Famous International Pfunkboys (Kerr), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

maybe he found it on the tube.

CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:26 (7 years ago) Permalink

One of my work colleagues reads the Daily Express, which is getting nearly as bad nowadays. Worse, he believes it all.

Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

"Why did you buy it then?"

Free copy in the office. So there.

My grandad has read the Mail every day for the past 65 years. It shows, too.

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:31 (7 years ago) Permalink

p36-37: two pages of victorian photos of kittens dressed as people

This is clearly the greatest newspaper of all time. Photos please.

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

http://tinyurl.com/bwknw

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

They're stuffed animals arent they? Which is kinda disconcerting.

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:39 (7 years ago) Permalink

A spokesperson from Virgin confirmed they too cut out Cliff. "I don't think we've ever played him", she said.

"We only play guitar based pop and rock" she kept repeating.

"Surely Cliff is guitar based rock?" I asked.

"Not really", she said.

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

"They're stuffed animals arent they?"

Apparently not. Harry Whittier Smith claimed to pose live kittens using "only patient, unfailing kindness."

Though today's two-page Mail exposé reveals that for some of the pics he may have actually just pushed their heads through backdrops.

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:49 (7 years ago) Permalink

What did he do with the bodies!!!?

Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:51 (7 years ago) Permalink

Left them attached to the heads but behind the backdrops, one assumes.

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:52 (7 years ago) Permalink

(i kind of assumed that; I wasn't being entirely serious there)

Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:57 (7 years ago) Permalink

Unfailing kindness indeed.

This edition of the DM is lacking one classic DM ingredient which is the serialisation of a book revealing secrets of the universe, eg. The Crystal Skull, The Bible Code etc. I recommend Who Built The Moon?

Tom (Groke), Thursday, 22 September 2005 06:58 (7 years ago) Permalink

p14: "So where DID we come from? ...many believe the big bang theory is wrong, and we must think again about the mystery of life."

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:09 (7 years ago) Permalink

Well, it's nice to see a paper other than the Guardian get some hating for a while!

The Brocade Fire (kate), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

The co-worker has left today's Daily Express on my desk now, as it happens. Today's front-page headlines are: "Big Tax Rises On The Way" and "Warrior Hero Of Basra".

Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

The Mail and the Guardian are mirror images of smug shit.

However, these days I read the Times and the Sun, so maybe I am turning into a rightie.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:19 (7 years ago) Permalink

"p17: one cigarette a day TRIPLES your risk of lung cancer (with pic of woman — possibly an irresponsible mother — smoking),"

"p20: Council tax bills could go up! Oh, the humanity," and possibly

"p39: Teachers can't cope with all the pupils in Portsmouth who speak foreign."

aren't necessarily loony.


N_RQ, Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

THE DAILY THEIR LIVES ARE BETTER THAN YOURS GET OVER IT

Now there's a paper I wouldn't mind reading.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

Who would of thought that that would have happened?

xxpost

Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

many believe the big bang theory is wrong

many Daily Mail readers. not actual scientists or anything.

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

Erm, actually, LOTS of scientists DO believe the big bang theory might not be completely right.

RickyT (RickyT), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:38 (7 years ago) Permalink

Creationism belongs in the unloved past, along with the ducking stool, diphtheria and Hitler.

p17: IT'S IN YOUR GENES YOU WOULD HAVE GOT IT ANYWAY THEY'RE HAVING SEX AND YOU GAVE IT UP IN 1978 GET OVER IT

p20: PEOPLE EXPECTED TO PAY FOR SERVICES THEY RECEIVE SHOCK HORROR YOUTH CULT PROBE

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:39 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah but what does the daily mail article posit as what actually happened?

Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:40 (7 years ago) Permalink

I wasn't aiming for a complex discussion about theoretical physics, I was scoring cheap points of thicko Daily Mail readers.

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:40 (7 years ago) Permalink

Rick - is that "not completely right" meaning, needs some work on the mathematics as it might not have been as hot and energetic as we've thought or "not completely right" as in no, it's all wrong, there was no bang and other things account for the apparent expandingness of the universe?

The Brocade Fire (kate), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:41 (7 years ago) Permalink

(I would much rather have a discussion of theoretical physics but perhaps this is not the thread for it. Is there a theoretical physics thread? (And can we eat it?))

The Brocade Fire (kate), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:42 (7 years ago) Permalink

something tells me the debate is more nuanced than t/s big bang vs creationism

N_RQ, Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:42 (7 years ago) Permalink

Not in the Daily Mail it isn't.

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

To be fair, the Mail is probably TS: Big Bang vs Lizard-God-Men from Orion who Built the Pyramids

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:44 (7 years ago) Permalink

They think it's an old man with a beard who looks spookily like David Jason.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:44 (7 years ago) Permalink

Front page: social workers say Kate Moss is not fit to be a parent

p4: We should boycott shops that sell "inappropriate" clothes for children.

I don't find either of those particularly objectionable, although the rest of the list is pretty shitty. DOES THIS MAKE ME A BAD LIBERAL.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:44 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yes.

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:46 (7 years ago) Permalink

Bugger.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

I'd like to know what Social Workers they've quoted, too, since the ones I've known seem to think kids are okay to live with parents a thousand times more feckless and incapable than Kate Moss.

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:47 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's worth noting here that they directly blame a Next t-shirt for five-year-olds with "So many boys, so little time" on the front for the rise in Britain's teenage pregnancy rate, then steers the whole piece into a rant about pop stars who have sex with each other and magazines that tell girls not to have sex but to take precautions if they do.

Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:48 (7 years ago) Permalink

Front page: ALL DAILY MAIL READERS/WRITERS ARE NOT FIT TO BE PARENTS

p4: IT'S CALLED CAPITALISM YOU WANTED THATCHER YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW GET OVER IT

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:48 (7 years ago) Permalink

I blame the abolition of child labour.

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:49 (7 years ago) Permalink

'DOES THIS MAKE ME A BAD LIBERAL.'

Why aspire to 19th smiling faced, so-gooding, robber barondon?

Ed (dali), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:50 (7 years ago) Permalink

p10-11: "The great fashion week cocaine binge": Win 2 Tickets For You and a Partner.

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:50 (7 years ago) Permalink

has moss really been dropped by chanel, per the sun?

N_RQ, Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:51 (7 years ago) Permalink

p6: Melanie Phillips says our once great education system lies in ruins, and it's all "the left's" fault.

This is idiocy, of course, but it comes from an expected source. A rather less expected source is Stephen Malkmus, who, in the current edition of Index magazine, says it's nice to be in Portland rather than New York, then adds "But the west coast has a downside too, like the number of ridiculous leftists..." He then recounts an anecdote of wanting to shove one of said leftists up against a wall. So that's what "Pig Lib" meant!

Momus (Momus), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:51 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yep, looks that way. But not Rimmel.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:52 (7 years ago) Permalink

Was on C4 news last night (why, oh why?)

xxpost

Ed (dali), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:52 (7 years ago) Permalink

IT'S CALLED CAPITALISM YOU WANTED THATCHER YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW GET OVER IT

And so say, errrrrrrrrrr, some of us!

Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:53 (7 years ago) Permalink

I wondered why all of my Pavement records went so speedily to MVE a while back! (Momus xpost)

I blame the abolition of Old Labour.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:53 (7 years ago) Permalink

xpost

Malkmus made snidey comments about "leftists" on "Embassy Row" years back. He's probably worried they'd make him get his haircut and stop mumbling.

I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Thursday, 22 September 2005 07:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

Baws, that didn't work. Try again:

ailsa, Thursday, 11 April 2013 22:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

Every single thing about that front page is amazing.

ailsa, Thursday, 11 April 2013 22:51 (1 month ago) Permalink

makin' loadsa bread

they moved the azpilicueta next to me at work (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:19 (1 month ago) Permalink

lmao is that a British Sea Power shirt

they moved the azpilicueta next to me at work (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:20 (1 month ago) Permalink

could say lots of things I spose

they moved the azpilicueta next to me at work (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:21 (1 month ago) Permalink

I think it's the "comes after accusations of left-wing bias over the BBC coverage" that's my favourite bit. Aye, accusations made in the Mail. Self-perpetuating bunch of fannies.

ailsa, Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:24 (1 month ago) Permalink

This is such incredible nonsense. The chart show plays the high-charting new entries. That's its job. Simple.

Deafening silence (DL), Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:31 (1 month ago) Permalink

I'm just hoping that the coverage alerts people who hadn't known, and drives it up the charts further.

emil.y, Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:39 (1 month ago) Permalink

That Thatcher-biographer chap on Question Time certainly did a sterling job of promoting it tonight.

ailsa, Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:40 (1 month ago) Permalink

I was ambivalent about it and haven't bought it but now I hope this absurd bullshit takes it all the way to number one.

Deafening silence (DL), Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

Hilarious that John Whittingdale cites as his only precedent the God Save the Queen incident which is in no way a 36-year-old case that made the BBC look foolish.

Deafening silence (DL), Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:45 (1 month ago) Permalink

BBC Witch Song

as a sock, son, you flop (NickB), Thursday, 11 April 2013 23:58 (1 month ago) Permalink

What did old Officer Phish tweet anyhow?

as a sock, son, you flop (NickB), Friday, 12 April 2013 00:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

Shocking stuff (reading the Mail so you don't have to...)

ailsa, Friday, 12 April 2013 00:16 (1 month ago) Permalink

Not vastly different to a zillion other tweets then. Outrageous!

as a sock, son, you flop (NickB), Friday, 12 April 2013 00:29 (1 month ago) Permalink

Time for some statute-backed regulators to stop this evil filth.

stet, Friday, 12 April 2013 00:31 (1 month ago) Permalink

Penniless, with nowhere to go and no chance of seeing the big game, Rodriguez sat shivering in the snow by the side of the road for five hours.

Then, the magic happened.

Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Friday, 12 April 2013 01:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

No outrage at non-national working for low or no wages, probably without so much as a work permit, and sponging off the rich, no?

ailsa, Friday, 12 April 2013 01:05 (1 month ago) Permalink

article omits this crucial photo

Number None, Friday, 12 April 2013 12:30 (1 month ago) Permalink

Was being blonde for a minute and thought that tweet in the top-right was referring to James May, started nodding sagely and then I woke up. Sorry Jimbles

Windsor Davies, Friday, 12 April 2013 21:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

several ago someone told me i looked like José Mourinho and i was thrilled. i'm glad i don't look like him now though.

i lost my shoes on acid (jed_), Friday, 12 April 2013 21:55 (1 month ago) Permalink

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2308344/Its-hell-posh-poor-Petronella-Wyatt-sold-pearls-given-dining-Ritz-Chanel-suits-like-friends-Broke-Generation-says-just-live-figure-salary.html

not sure if I have the stomach to read past "I asked how much he earned. ‘Around £80,000,’ he replied. ‘Some people might think that’s riches, but in London it gets you nowhere.’"

the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs (Merdeyeux), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:00 (1 month ago) Permalink

genius satire from start to finish, i was biting my lip at times

the politician Woodrow Wyatt was a peach

life went on, sadly (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

‘I can’t afford to have sex at the moment,’ says my former school friend Rosamund, a slender, 40-year-old lawyer who broke up with her banker boyfriend after he demanded she pay half the rent on his Mayfair flat.

choked back tears of recognition here

life went on, sadly (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:06 (1 month ago) Permalink

picture of Petronella in - Iceland i think? - fucken hilarious

life went on, sadly (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:06 (1 month ago) Permalink

Which one of the fancy men spoiling her was Boris Johnson?

Anyway curses on me for looking at that because the Sidebar of Shame is telling me the reason I haven't seen a friend in a few months is because she's dating someone who is actually nice, and would rather have found out through either.

karl lagerlout (suzy), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:09 (1 month ago) Permalink

We of the Broke Generation have discovered penury is not only a financial privation, but also an emotional one. We are damned if we follow our hearts and inclinations, and damned if we don’t. As the money trickles away, prices rise ever higher and the loans we took out so carelessly haunt our dreams, a take-out from the local pizzeria seems our only option.

oh the humanity

life went on, sadly (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:10 (1 month ago) Permalink

I personally will be donating my income from this month to a Broke Generation charity.

the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs (Merdeyeux), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:15 (1 month ago) Permalink

We're all in this together, Pet, love

Tom D (Tom D.), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:20 (1 month ago) Permalink

It's 'Petsy' to you, mate.

karl lagerlout (suzy), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:24 (1 month ago) Permalink

Oh man, solid 24 carat comedy gold. It's like every Liz Jones column rolled into one. How *does* one live without Gucci, darling?

ailsa, Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:31 (1 month ago) Permalink

a lesser journo wd've made some nod to those living on benefits who face cuts this week but Petsy plays it straight-faced right down the line, total genius

life went on, sadly (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:31 (1 month ago) Permalink

all yuks aside, who is it who can read this trash and not become enraged/bemused/depressed by it? surely your common-or-garden mail reader with mortgage payments up the wazoo and asylum seekers on the hinterland won't be interested?

media conglomerates are pedaling the same product (stevie), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:44 (1 month ago) Permalink

outraged or not it sends the message that we really are all in this together, plus the riff on thoughtless loans underlines the "we can't go on spending willy-nilly on luxuries like nights at the Ritz and keeping old people alive" message

life went on, sadly (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

It's like they say: the SWP should close their paper and just hand out recent copies of Tatler.

karl lagerlout (suzy), Saturday, 13 April 2013 11:55 (1 month ago) Permalink

‘I can’t afford to have sex at the moment,’ says my former school friend Rosamund, a slender, 40-year-old lawyer who broke up with her banker boyfriend after he demanded she pay half the rent on his Mayfair flat.

I turned away to leave these few in thought and contemplation (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 13 April 2013 12:11 (1 month ago) Permalink

‘I can’t afford to have sex at the moment,’ says my former school friend Rosamund, a slender, 40-year-old lawyer who broke up with her banker boyfriend after he demanded she pay half the rent on his Mayfair flat. thought up a quick and easy way to get rid of that greedy lawyer bitch he'd got bored of.

Fixed.

I turned away to leave these few in thought and contemplation (Bananaman Begins), Saturday, 13 April 2013 12:15 (1 month ago) Permalink

A click on the author's name reveals this gem: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2291904/The-outrageous-confessions-upper-class-Lolita.html

It is true that I was very curvaceous, and often passed for 18.
(Laurence) Olivier was undaunted. ‘Come and sit on my lap,’ he instructed. Awestruck, it did not occur to me not to comply.
Once I was perched on his lap, Olivier planted a wet kiss on my lips. It was not a pleasant experience, since his breath smelt like a starving coyote’s. He complimented me on my breasts, touching one of them with his hand. Then he sighed and released me, thanking me for being ‘kind to an old man’.

When I said Olivier had also kissed me, my father asked: ‘Did you enjoy it?’ Many will argue that my father should have been thrown into jail with Olivier. But when I was growing up, so many of my father’s friends made passes at me that if I had sued each one, I would still be in court to this day.

That many teenage girls are simply not to be trusted around attractive older men is a fact that appears to be all too often ignored — but it is high time we reminded ourselves of it.

gyac, Saturday, 13 April 2013 19:28 (1 month ago) Permalink

more than earning her £100k imo, give that woman a raise.

the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs (Merdeyeux), Saturday, 13 April 2013 19:30 (1 month ago) Permalink

odd day:

Looking for a sunday paper without a glamor Thatch supplement, and it was only the MOS that did not have one.

page 5 had a story about how bad A&E turnaround times had got since the govt had abolished Labour's targets as being 'irrelevant'

tiny story about thatch parties having passed without major incident

well, me.

Mark G, Sunday, 14 April 2013 14:27 (1 month ago) Permalink

isn't there a bit of an editorial war going on between MoS and the DM? Greig publishing articles to rub Dacre up the wrong way, Dacre instructing hacks to pull MoS op-ed pieces and stories to shreds the following week?

Fizzles, Sunday, 14 April 2013 15:08 (1 month ago) Permalink

such weird prose in this DM piece about anthony kiedis: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2311687/Anthony-Kiedis-passionately-kisses-girlfriend-speeding-Harley.html

Much younger woman, tick, Harley Davidson motorbike, tick.

If most men were indulging in such things at the ripe age of 50, they'd be accused of having a mid-life crisis but Anthony Kiedis is a member of a special club.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman is a rock 'n' roll male and therefore given a pass to behave like Peter Pan drunk on a bottle of Jack until he collapses on his tourbus.

Rock 'n' roll women aren't afforded the privilege of growing old in leather with insouciance, of course, though mercifully Stevie Nicks failed to get the memo.

But Kiedis, who must be on a real high after his drawling rock dirges drew an impressive crowd even in a sandstorm at the Coachella Music Festival on Sunday, is quite the rock poster, ahem, boy.

NI, Saturday, 20 April 2013 12:12 (1 month ago) Permalink

tbh when he climbs astride his hog he looks less a rock'n'roll Peter Pan and more Chris Kamara

they moved the azpilicueta next to me at work (DJ Mencap), Saturday, 20 April 2013 13:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

Don't let them steal your heart: America's 'bad' girls who still look so good - even when they're posing for their police mugshots

goole, Friday, 3 May 2013 16:18 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Frances-Bean-pays-tribute-tragic-Iron-Maiden-rocker-dad-Kurt-Cobain.html

Eyeball Kicks, Thursday, 9 May 2013 11:42 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Villa captain Petrov retires as year-long battle with leukaemia takes its toll

there is no special cathexis with mini fried donuts (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 9 May 2013 19:46 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

'takes its toll' seems inadequate to the severity of leukemia

there is no special cathexis with mini fried donuts (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 9 May 2013 19:47 (2 weeks ago) Permalink


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