love* in the time of plague (and by love* i mean brexit* and other dreary matters of uk politics)

guess what we're all gnna do lol

choked for the madness

was this on the previous thread? (= gov.uk guidance on social distancing and protecting vulnerable-people

this government is going to be hoping everyone forgets what their original policy for this was, and the crucial delay it caused. let's not forget

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/image_data/file/97304/vulnerable_people3-960.jpg

* if one member of your family or household has a new continuous cough or high temperature
** if you live alone and you have a new continuous cough or high temperature
*** for example cinema, theatre, pubs, bars, restaurants, clubs
**** for example via telephone or internet
1 such as anyone instructed to get a flu jab each year

(embedded chart from the gov.uk site, "underlying health conditions" is expanded on at the link

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2020/mar/17/coronavirus-uk-must-ramp-up-public-spending-in-wartime-situation-budget-watchdog-head

Speaking to MPs on the Treasury committee, he said: “This is not a time to be squeamish about one-off additions to the public debt. It’s more like a wartime situation that this is money well spent.”

“The more serious this is, the more blunderbuss the approach. When the fire is large enough you just spray the water and worry about it later. I think that’s likely to be the direction.”

Head of the OBR basically going 'fuck budget responsibility right now'. Except a further search has revealed that Robert Chote is due to leave shortly so IDK if that's just demob talk.

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/boris-johnson-coronavirus-latest-chris-whitty-press-conference-a9405356.html

On Monday afternoon, at a press conference in Downing Street, prime minister Boris Johnson announced some of the most draconian measures in this country’s history.

Well, apparently he did anyway, as that’s what everyone keeps saying, but I’ve watched it back twice now and I’m not sure I can actually find any.

^^^^this this this

Every response seems to be about avoiding liability and protecting insurers.

Prof Neil Ferguson, of Imperial College London and director of the MRC Centre for Global Infectious Disease Analysis, said that while it was not fully understood whether children transmitted the virus in the same way as other illnesses, school closures was a measure that could have an effect.

Speaking to the BBC Radio 4 Today programme on Tuesday, Ferguson said: “From a purely epidemiological perspective we think, with a lot of uncertainty, that closing schools and universities would further reduce transmission.”

latest is a draconian international travel ban which isn't actually a travel ban, just more advice with "on your own head be it"

it's stronger I think - that FCO "advice" is what travel insurance is based on, so if you travel to those places you are not insured. As a result most companies won't let you travel to places FCO advises against.

home sick today. just got a call to say that they've made people at work redundant but not me.

Just seen that Laura Ashley has gone into receivership, my sister in law is a branch manager currently off sick with a bad foot.

The government’s earlier hopes that it could rely on large proportions – maybe 60% – of the population getting ill, getting better and becoming immune to build up some herd immunity in the UK population are dashed by this strategy, which many experts thought was dangerous anyway. Herd immunity is normally created by vaccinating large numbers of children, safeguarding those who cannot be inoculated. Nobody has ever tried to do that by allowing infection with a disease before – and now, it appears to have been recognised that it’s not safe to try..

Keep reading this paragraph and just... what

Fucking surreal to see swathes of the commeltariat (and the public ffs!) commending them for “responding” to this “new data”. PSA: you’ll never be able to stop touching your face if you’re addicted to tugging your forelock

Can’t kiss the ring if you’re too busy licking the boot!

lol challenge accepted

Sorry to C&P from a random "nhs worker" on FB but I kind if like this explanation (probably because my brain works best with video games and process managenent):

The plan is to segregate all vulnerable people (older, ill, disabled and at risk) let’s call this group A

Anyone looking after the older, ill and at risk can be group B

The general population / generally healthy can be group C

Group C needs to go about its business keeping the country moving, kids at school, us at work

Group B looks after group A and avoids contact with C

Group C is allowed to contract the virus and because it’s generally healthy it can cope with it better than group A

Group A and B are almost self isolating without the virus to avoid putting strain on the NHS and reducing the risk of getting the virus and then needing the NHS

Group C (the generally healthy) go through the cycle of contracting the virus, self-isolating and being looked after by healthy family members, friends and the local community

Anyone who has complications gets looked after by the NHS while groups A and B are kept away The NHS are not strained by A and B while it's looking after complicated cases in C

As group C comes full circle and recovers it divides in to groups that take group B’s position looking after group A allowing group B to go though the cycle

With B and C though the cycle, A is free to have NHS to itself because B and C are now clear from illness and infection and hopefully have a degree of immunity from getting it again this season.

from guardian liveblog:

Islington food bank in north London has announced it is to close after running low on food stocks and losing many of its volunteers who have been forced to self-isolate to avoid coronavirus infection.

The food bank, part of the Trussell trust network, is understood to be the first of the trust’s 426 food banks to close. The trust said no others had yet reported difficulties but it was carrying out a rapid survey of its members to gauge “pressure points”.

Oh, fuck.

That's been a thing over here for some days now, too. Supplies have completely dried up due to hoarding in the supermarkets.

the tory govt for the last decade have always dithered over a full Universal Credit rollout to pull in all the millions of legacy claimants in what the DWP sugarcoats it as a proposed "managed migration". They keep putting it off imo because i/ the system probably can't deal with the numbers without breaking down and ii/ plunging too many people into to such a shitty system at once brings a risk of increasing social unrest and all the extra costs associated with increased poverty. Just my bullshit opinion!

But now there will be millions of people from all the tourism, hospitality/events industries - I saw a list the other day and it's at least 5 million + jobs that will be toast and they can't all become fucking *m*z*n delivery drivers. This is why the Tories are shitting themselves right now and Raab is saying nice things about Cuba. Of course it is a monumental crisis that has landed on them, but many more people than previously or than they ever expected are going to be exposed to how fucking evil and completely inadequate the benefits system has become after ten years of their reforms, fucking chickens coming home to roost time imo!

Mutual aid groups already falling into yer leftist org pattern of being both overstructured and chaotic. Had to go from Facebook to Whatsapp to Slack. Still it's great to see ppl are helping each other out.

Hackney foodbank desperately asking for both donations and volunteers rn.

I was talking about this yesterday; I will stay in as much as I can but if the antibody test was widely available then we would know for sure if we’d had it or have it. I’d love to help out with something like that but it’s so frustrating because of the risk of endangering people, and so unless I get very sick or hospitalised, what do I do?

Royal Mail staff union says they have voted to become an emergency service, delivering essential supplies etc

They won’t test people unless they are hospitalised or there is confirmed community transmission in the area, right, which latter can only be confirmed... by testing? More like COVID-22 imo

Group B looks after group A and avoids contact with C

This strikes me as pretty much impossible and where the whole strategy falls down?

It's not the most nuanced plan but in big buckets of minimising contact rather than eliminating it I can see it would help to manage the demand.

All probably moot though as it all seems too late to me

Why 'plague' and not 'cholera'?

here we go

Sunak: "This effort will be underpinned with government intervention in the economy unimaginable only months ago"

Says it's "not a time for ideology or orthodoxy". Get ready for some mega, mega spending...

— Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) March 17, 2020

I'm going to bet I could imagine them a few weeks ago

Rishi : 330 billion govt backed loans for businesses

he really needs a fucking editor, he takes 1000 words and hasn't got to a single factual announcement yet xp ok 1

specific support for restaurants, pubs, etc, and those insured should be covered

not a word about people yet

https://images.app.goo.gl/pvKjMquTAZ2QpZmZ8

3-mo mortgage holiday

(for those affected)

you'd think COVID 19 was a virus that just attacks businesses after listening to that long-winded cunt.

"this is no time for ideology" ..pretty much sounded like prioritising our precious wealth creators to me.

Nothing about people on rent or their bills?

Not that I heard, it was all about our poor beleaguered wealth creators to my ears.

such as anyone instructed to get a flu jab each year

do they not advise flu shots for everyone over there? Seems silly.

The measures are necessary because the alternative is a gigantic spike in unemployment and the collapse of some sectors, but the lack of rent measures is outrageous, particularly when mortgage holidays are already on the table.

Nothing about statutory sick pay either?

so landlords stop paying their mortgages but renters have to keep paying them rent?

"Sunak insisted that an employment support package was on its way, and that he needed to finalise the details first with business and the unions"

£330m doesn't feel like anywhere near enough.

someone is dying and dr sunak is trying to negotiate terms and conditions with them before he agrees to any emergency treatment

The measures are necessary because the alternative is a gigantic spike in unemployment and the collapse of some sectors

this is both true and a key reason why fuck this society at the same time

many more people than previously or than they ever expected are going to be exposed to how fucking evil and completely inadequate the benefits system has become

This is key

No it was a big clanking typo on the BBC website, although £330bn doesn't feel like enough either.

For the first time in any of our lives this is a moment where the government actively NEEDS GDP and economic activity to fall, because the alternative is the spread of the virus, the question is what you do to help it rebound.

More to the point what do you do if this carries on longer than the two or three months projected?

“well Matt that would be unsustainable”

the lack of rent measures is outrageous, particularly when mortgage holidays are already on the table.

Mortgage holidays don't really cost anybody anything aiui. All it means is that if you have a break for hardship, you extend the term of the loan. Start subsidising rent (which is a good idea) and you get to the question of why you aren't also paying towards mortgages.

Some form of UBI is probably the best option here. Stick everyone a couple of grand to use as they see fit.

more chance of them bringing back rationing imo

Republicans are proposing $1000 per person.

Will read this later

Giving this a bump from y'day, it still applies- the coronavirus crisis is no mere recession, not even an institutional failure like 2008-9, but a fundamental crisis of economic organisation that will necessitate a dramatic restructuring of the economy: https://t.co/Et8vAu73ot

— James Meadway (@meadwaj) March 17, 2020

No it was a big clanking typo on the BBC website, although £330bn doesn't feel like enough either.

For the first time in any of our lives this is a moment where the government actively NEEDS GDP and economic activity to fall, because the alternative is the spread of the virus, the question is what you do to help it rebound.

Also worth stressing that the £330bn seems to be for loans, which will start to accrue interest charges after six months.

I guess one of the challenges with stimulating economic activity at the moment is that there's not much you can spend money on, other than rent and grocery deliveries, if you're stuck at home. I guess it's possible that they're timing a stimulus for when we're allowed to leave the house.

do they not advise flu shots for everyone over there? Seems silly.

― silby, Tuesday, 17 March 2020 17:53 (forty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

yes i was puzzled by that when i first read it silby -- they tell me to get a jab every year

but in fact on the gov.uk website theres a list which doesn't include me and they're making a difference between "advised" (e.g. me) and "instructed" (e.g. someone who recently had an actual real heart attack or routinely needs steroid injections for lung stuff)

I suppose the thing is that it isn't really a stimulus because you don't want to stimulate activity now, you want to make sure that when demand does return (and people are going to be fucking desperate to go out and do stuff) the places to spend that money still exist.

Also that can't happen if everyone's lost their job in the meantime.

Still got it:

The government has announced a mortgage holiday for homeowners but it must suspend rents too.

Millions of people rent in the UK.

Suspend rents. Ban evictions. Now.

— Jeremy Corbyn (@jeremycorbyn) March 17, 2020

I enjoy looking at the first few replies to these tweets of his and sending them to my Corbyn- and landlord-hating friend to radicalise him.

Corbyn doesn't need a 2nd thought on attacking the fucking tories, Starmer on the other hand, at the moment is trying his best not to offend them.

NEW: Sunak says the Housing Secretary will be making a statement in the coming days "to protect renters in these difficult times"

— Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) March 17, 2020

I'm sure jenrick has some real radical proposals and landlords will be shitting it.

This is the calm before the storm, before the surge. And when it comes, and it will come, never will so many ask so much of so few. We will do all that we can to support them.

In years to come, let them say of us when things were at their worst, we were at our best.

leo

"A day like today is not a day for soundbites, but"

xp DONT

The gravest of tones, the bluest of shirts

the actual fuck am i watching from maitlis here

grilling a WHO (pronounced 'who' btw ffs) official as if she was the uk govt

not that ive seen anyone grill the uk govt

setting up these ludicrous questions about the govt daring to take mobile phones off ppl and check their contacts, i mean is this a big worry over there?

wtf

in a stupid parallel universe Jess Phillips is the leader of the opposition now

Of course most landlords will do all they can to help tenants https://t.co/gIkAHjyMoE

— Jess Phillips MP (@jessphillips) March 17, 2020

I can't imagine how grim it would be if someone who was a weak tory lite piece of piss with dodgy funding and garbage politics was LOTO right now!

I hope Starmer is correct and we can platitude our way out of this crisis. https://t.co/UmOJcbL8jj

— Keir Milburn (@KeirMilburn) March 17, 2020

Sigh. Developed a slight dry but persistent cough yesterday and self isolated even though I felt fine. Then developed high fever at 4am today. There is a lot of COVID-19 in Westminster.

— neil_ferguson (@neil_ferguson) March 18, 2020

by my maths, if every mp gets infected, 11.9 of them will die

place your bets

It's not for the likes of us to question the ways of the Almighty

BG if corona drove you back to ilx I for one applaud our pangolin overlords

dropping in occasionally to wish death on powerful people is my vibe rn

shout out to the entire media class

thankful for living in an area of London that's so racist that the Turkish and Pakistani supermarkets are still well stocked. God bless Nigel Farage still

— hussein kesvani (@HKesvani) March 16, 2020

Above all else right now the absolute non-medical priority for the government should be ensuring reliable food supplies to the over-70s and other at-risk groups. Virtually nothing else matters more and I haven't seen any real announcements about it?

Anonymous briefings that Cummings was 'in talks' with Deliveroo and Uber a few days ago is the most I've seen.

Bring back rationing but really. People completely losing the run of themselves and exacerbating the issue for the most vulnerable. My family at home can’t believe this shit, people are still going out to shop but social distancing from others.

there is effectively some levels of *sensible* rationing going on online ordering, it won't let order more than two tinned/tubes of tomato puree.

that's more than I normally use in a week, but it could be worse.

They need to find a way of rationing the delivery slots, not everyone can or should go to the shops right now.

had an email from sainsbury's saying that they would be prioritising deliveries for the elderly and "the disabled". how you prove you're either of these in their online shop i have no idea

I'd a scan of a DWP PIP/pension letter would do, like old folks have scanners of course.

would

give people a few days to start faking those then

yep I don't there is a practicable way of doing it without potential of people feigning oldness/disability to get their orders tbh

Anyone caught doing this to be immediately disabled

death by a thousand faked blue badge cuts

haha just realised i have a couple of my mum's dad's WW2 ration books in a shoebox somewhere, so maybe i'm ok for powdered egg and radio malt for a day or two

Johnson ducks @Ianblackford_MP’s call for him to temporarily introduce universal income for all. Deep concern in Govt that if it came in, it would prove politically impossible to ever withdraw.

— Tom Newton Dunn (@tnewtondunn) March 18, 2020

had an email from sainsbury's saying that they would be prioritising deliveries for the elderly and "the disabled". how you prove you're either of these in their online shop i have no idea

You're a mature, grown-up liberal democracy.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ETK9geiXQAIkS4s?format=jpg&name=small

it me

(all of them)

We think we have it bad, but think how bad England’s most boring man has it:

I’ve walked the dogs, washed the car, tidied the house. I’m now bored out of my brain. Self isolate for weeks? I can’t manage a day!

— michael owen (@themichaelowen) March 15, 2020

I think you have to register DOB when you sign up to shop Sainsbury’s/Waitrose/Nectar online? I don’t do online shopping as a rule because I’d rather walk to the shop than wait in for parcels. Takes less time where I am.

I think you could be right about that. I mostly put in a nonsense DOB when i sign up for stuff cos it's none of their business, mostly like 1-Jan-1902 or something. So I'll be fine, they think I'm 118 years old

by my maths, if every mp gets infected, 11.9 of them will die

place your bets

― uncle-knower is coming for you (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 18 March 2020 08:58 (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Due to a member of my family showing symptoms of Coronavirus, I’m following NHS advice and self-isolating for the next 14 days.

I’m showing no symptoms myself and feel absolutely fine but it’s vital that we all follow the Government’s medical advice.

— Tim Farron (@timfarron) March 18, 2020

All that milk is going to see him just fine.

I'm presuming a large amount of pensioners are not very online, my mum certainly isn't. And it'll often be family members who will be doing the ordering for them. Is there any way I can send a burning bag of dog shit to Tim Farron's doorstep now he's at home for a while?

deliverpoo

Schools closing in Wales and Scotland. Can’t see England and NI lasting much into next week.

I think they break up for easter in 2 weeks, are these fuckers just going to wait until then?

Deutsche Bank expects the mother of all recessions: "The quarterly declines in GDP growth we anticipate substantially exceed anything previously recorded going back to
at least World War II." pic.twitter.com/jfPY5jR0Vw

— Holger Zschaepitz (@Schuldensuehner) March 18, 2020

That's less a recession and more a short but very sharp shock but those forecasts include a sharp rebound in Q3 which seems... hopeful. If it goes on for longer then everything depends on how long businesses and households can be kept on economic life support.

just got a call from the son's teacher who reckons schools will be closed in England as well this 5pm press conf

Hull College closed to students from tonight so yeah I guess it's happening to schools too

lots of online chatter about london being put into lockdown, no idea what to believe at this point tbh

My friend works for Weatherspoon Bristol. This is what they got today from owner - 'UK is right to keep pubs open, following the Dutch position"
She gets no handgel, no masks and is not allowed to wear gloves. pic.twitter.com/w6L9AKfwBD

— Daniela Gabor (@DanielaGabor) March 17, 2020

bludgeoning Tim martin to death with a sledgehammer and shutting up all his stinking pisshole pubs would be some justifiable state intervention/homicide if it potentially saved lots of lives during this next upward curve of infection. Seriously though...

bg: https://www.ft.com/content/e8c98d1c-6926-11ea-a3c9-1fe6fedcca75 yep

the old you can't link FT problem, if you google search "London lockdown imminent to slow coronavirus outbreak" clickable FT link is at the top.

Time for people to get a bone on for martial law, huzzah

Schools across the UK are also expected to close by the weekend, although special provision would be made for the children of key workers, including NHS staff, to avoid the risk off parents having to take time off work for child care.

would have been maybe a good idea to implement this a couple of weeks back.

Interesting to see whether lockdown means no entrance to / exit from London and who's going to enforce that, if so.

old-school east end gangsters or gtfo imo

they've suspended filming Eastenders I heard. Maybe some of them toughies could lend a hand. Lol not watched that shite in decades tbh!

the gangsters live in spain now iirc, the east end is now just full of me

xp finally a silver lining

Interesting to see whether lockdown means no entrance to / exit from London and who's going to enforce that, if so.

Bane, iirc

Dirty Den

Schools close on Friday ‘until further notice’.

Oh Christ I forgot Gavin Williamson was Education.

All schools closed except for children of key workers and vulnerable children.

Love too admit they have to keep the schools open cos it’s the only place some children will be fed.

Absolutely no doubt in mind this speech was delayed because Boris had the shits. He looks terrible.

get well soon big man, hope u don’t shit yrself to agonising death

Love to admit the most important role of the state education system in the UK

but there’s no such thing as society iirc

Remember when you could be fined for taking your kid out of school for a day cos that would irreparably ruin their education

... what happens to the kids of teachers?

They'll go to school, where there'll be a load of edumacating going on

can't wait to get my Morrisons delivery from an 11 year old teacher's kid whose just done a shift at toilet roll factory.

https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/health/2020/03/government-documents-show-no-planning-ventilators-event-pandemic

Will there ever be any accountability

GCSEs and A-Levels cancelled, inevitably.

Feel like these conferences are painting an optimistic picture of how we're ensuring we don't stretch the NHS capacity to deal with serious cases while refusing to state what that capacity is and how close we are to it.

If the schools measure is an ineffective a delay tactic as it's been stated over the past week then why change and why now?

On of the journos attempted to get the PM to call his father immoral.

Lloyd Russell-Moyle has tested positive according to the local news. He's also HIV positive, fuck

After a 6 day wait for results I have just been informed I have tested positive to COVID-19.

— Lloyd Russell-Moyle MP🌹🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈 (@lloyd_rm) March 18, 2020

those Q3 DB projections are cuckoo

LR-M is positive, yeah, but I believe he’s on antiretrovirals and Terrence Higgins Trust says very much depends on the individual. Fingers crossed for him.

pic.twitter.com/FPr1aGhaTC

— Tom Williams, Socialist Dad (@shirleymush) March 18, 2020

JPMorgan is now predicting the second quarter of this year could see the US economy slump by as much as 14% because of the coronavirus crisis.

Q1: -4%
Q2: -14%
Q3: +8%
Q4: +4%

Full year: -1.5% overall.

If the bank’s second-quarter prediction is accurate, it would mean that this year will see the worst three-month economic period in the US since World War II.

lads, ur Q3 numbers are at it also

xp

if only Starmer was just simply a downgrade, but he's just a complete change in direction to the point where the DUP and Trump have been fiscally to the left of him in recent weeks. Although sometimes it's hard to tell where he is at because he has that melt style of speaking in platitudes (in his pathetic fucking voice).

+8% on the pent-up demand for haircuts and yoga classes. I personally plan on getting two manicures a day as soon as this thing passes.

Hell I might get a haircut when all this is over

receding fuckers like me are nihilists not stylists and just need a shaver on No2 and a mirror, not like these Starmerite melts with their poncey brylcreem hairdos like erm... Kim Jong Un!

It's been less than a week and we're already on "I'm gonna get me one of them fancy haircuts" talk

my local barber does skin fades, hot towel shaves, ears and nasal hairs - the lot and local thugs of all ages love the place. When you are a halfway member of the bald community you just dare not walk into a barbers - not been in one since 2007 now.

The UK is the only major country in Europe not to have announced that it will subsidise employees’ wages or make direct cash payments to its citizens. (Via @georgegrylls) https://t.co/XFpO3ccinw

— George Eaton (@georgeeaton) March 18, 2020

🐦[My friend works for Weatherspoon Bristol. This is what they got today from owner - ’UK is right to keep pubs open, following the Dutch position"
She gets no handgel, no masks and is not allowed to wear gloves. pic.twitter.com/w6L9AKfwBD🕸
— Daniela Gabor (@DanielaGabor) March 17, 2020🕸]🐦

bludgeoning Tim martin to death with a sledgehammer and shutting up all his stinking pisshole pubs would be some justifiable state intervention/homicide if it potentially saved lots of lives during this next upward curve of infection. Seriously though...

I would literally stab a random stranger for a pint and a cig atm

Pure make believe from forecasters that the growth in q3 and 4 will nearly match the loss in q2 as no one knows what will happen next week, never mind in q3

Sorry but none of ye can match my extremely deep regret about not getting a haircut- my hair is already fine to start with and it doesn’t really suit this length. It’s going to be four feet long and three inches wide by the time this is over.

time to start shaving yr own head imo, i’ve been doing it for nearly 10 years and it’s very therapeutic

also if you fuck it up you’ll have plenty of time to grow it out while self-isolating

maybe we'll be able to print out our own cutting templates so we can cut our own hair to any style we like as long as it's bowl-shaped

I realise this is pretty niche but some clarity on how we're going to grade the poor bugger Y11s who won't be taking their GCSEs this year would be nice. If nothing else, they're on the verge of mutiny anyway, some of them are quite big and angry, and I have to teach two classes of the bastards tomorrow!

Also very much of the 'shave one's own head' brigade. It's a piece of pish.

Yeah the husband has a clippers and I’m considering it but I’m too afraid of having a funny shaped head to do it.

I was lying I’m not gonna cut my hair

More renters will need free hair cuts at this rate:

"landlords and tenants will be expected to work together to establish an affordable repayment plan"

Policy for renters in the crisis is to saddle them with a huge lump of debt. That's an irresponsible and short-sighted plan - nowhere near good enoughhttps://t.co/npKcIjUnJ1

— James B (@piercepenniless) March 18, 2020

It's fucking head-cutz that is needed here

I genuinely hope the first landlord to do eviction proceedings during this period gets fucking lynched and battered to death tbh

"We are all in this together.." says some mendacious Landlord Association representative cunt. No we are not, and never have been, unless "we" is the Conservative Party. fucking cunts.

Millions of renters urgently need support but the small print of the Government’s plans raise serious questions.

There is a real danger it will leave tenants exposed after building up debt through no fault of their own. Renters should not lose out because of this crisis. https://t.co/lcFnmadRe8

— Keir Starmer (@Keir_Starmer) March 18, 2020

the leader of the opposition has spoken quite politely and indirectly with his quivering hand on his Victorian mantelpiece again. Perhaps there is a real danger he is going to turn the Labour Party into something even lamer than the Swinson Lib-Dems at this rate.

Michael Walker on Novara this evening incredibly otm on the complete ineptitude of *all the Lab leadership candidates* in doing fuck all to challenge the Tory-media-complex over the past two weeks
https://youtu.be/57_umvxuUFE

Corbyn has been very good though!

Look if you don't watch out Keir Starmer is going to allude the fact that others may pose questions to the Tory leadership over their response to this health crisis

bah timing ruined by poor subbing

you are still completely correct tho!

I’m really upset calz has a dn, it feels wrong somehow

Yet another sign that the rapture is nigh.

xp

you should be more upset that it is shite!

The prime minister said: “The great thing about having a test to see whether you’ve had it, is suddenly a green light goes on above your head and you can go back to work safe and confident in the knowledge that you are most unlikely to get it again.

Something something easier to imagine the end of the world something something.

Great stuff, now where are the fucking tests?

ffs Matt they are ramping it up to 25,000 a day. they keep telling you! Which is the same as doing it!

quite (xp)

also, there was a good article on ilx recently that said that getting it once was very likely to confer immunity, but I'd like to be a bit surer of that before it becomes The Official Word Of Our PM that people who've already had it are just fine to do what they like (which is probably not going back to work tbh)

Was just looking at this piece on the lack of tests:

Excellent piece by @WiredUK on the mystery of Britain’s lack of coronavirus testing. There are British firms supplying tests to the rest of Europe that have not even been contacted by the NHS, plus dozens of labs. https://t.co/FstfuHH4l9 pic.twitter.com/wR8khEDjDf

— Simon Nixon (@Simon_Nixon) March 19, 2020

We spoke to a friend last night whose PhD and subsequent research focused on infectious animal diseases. He was saying that in general this type of virus doesn't mutate quickly enough for vaccines, when they arrive, to be ineffective. So what we're looking at in immunity terms is likely to be closer to measles than flu.

Re: lab leadership response. Also quite a contrast with Sanders who has had daily conferences and announcements on the virus.

The odd twitter thread from RLB hasn't been enough. I know she has suspended phone banking so that ppl can help out in their communities. It feels like its too little.

oh no, Micheal Rosen says he got it :(

"I think I’m in it. It’s hell: aches, fevers, shakes, weakness."

Gordon Brown has been good today, calling for guarantees that bailed out firms will keep workers on.

why isn't Broon chuntering meaningless platitudes in series rather than being so specific? it's obviously an unprovoked attack on the de facto LOTO

"If Boris Johnson is telling people to stay at home he has to tell them how to survive financially."

None of the leadership candidates, especially Starmer, have been able to express themselves that succinctly.

Like you cannot contain the virus when the choice is 'go out and spread it or stay home, starve and become destitute'.

lol even Stephen Kinnock has shifted to the left of Starmer. RLB was calling for UBI and suspension of household bills which is good but not seen so much from her on zero hour/precariat workers who are being expected to work or starve.

a lot of temp/zero hours supermarket jobs on Indeed this morning

they should be getting paid more than people in financial services/banking right now, these are literally jobs as important or even arguably more than frontline NHS workers.

Gonna apply anyway, I'm ripe for exploitation :D

I've just got some money thru I've been waiting on for a fortnight. This is the sweetest cig I've ever had

The romanticization of the Quarantine is a class privilege! pic.twitter.com/M0oXNmIhg1

— Jamil Mouawad (@JamilMouawad) March 18, 2020

otm banner, summary executions for smugcasters imo.

Testify brother

Anyway, my local's still open

Funny how "blitz spirit" crosses the culture war divide

I would like to inform you that I have tested positive for #COVID19. I am doing well and in good spirits. I am following all the necessary instructions, as is my team.

For all those affected already, and for all those currently in isolation, we will get through this together.

— Michel Barnier (@MichelBarnier) March 19, 2020

He'll have the inefficient eurovirus tho that's bound up in red tape

A lot of people across all social groups will be self-isolating with abusers over the next couple of months, it's grim even thinking about it.

Aye. The Dutch Child Care Telephone line - which was more something of the 90s - has seen a huge surge in phone calls from children the last couple of days. Imagine being a child and living in an abusive household...

I'm not inferring he is a domestic abuser of any kind, but just imagine having to self-isolate with Dean Gaffney ffs

This is one of the many reasons why I think there are no kneejerk simple solutions.

Gaffers was on that horrible Channel 4 dating show, I assume from the endless trailers he's not shacked up with anybody.

To Gaff is to always be socially distant :(

Spare a thought for all the 20-somethings in shared houses who end up banging their housemate early on and then regret it while stuck with them for two months.

No change there shurely?

You used to be able to leave.

Great now I've got Hotel California in my head

Actually livesmugging aside I've heard a few banging dj sessions the last couple of days

you, er, love to see it?

Govt getting a pasting from both wings of its own backbenches this morning

— Greg Clark says financial package is not enough, action must be taken immediately on wages — says state should pay them

— Iain Duncan Smith says benefits must be raised today and waiting times reduced

— Alex Wickham (@alexwickham) March 19, 2020

welcome to the resistance, big IDSy!

Amazing how irrelevant this has made the entire Cameron and Osborne project, everything swept away almost overnight except the decade's worth of needless suffering.

Part of the annoyance is the sense of these rules being temporarily suspended purely for the preservation of the status quo, and the thought that as soon as possible this will be the excuse for a swingeing set of payback measures aimed squarely at the already impoverished

I don't know how the last decade didn't illustrate to the electorate enough what a set of evil cunts the tories are and how much self-interest they had in stopping them. But a lot of them will directly find out what a catastrophic mistake they've made by voting cunts in the next 5 years.

Not gonna link to the old soak, but Frances Barber’s having a normal one on Twitter this morning...

The new delusional centrist wheeze is getting all the former living PMs together in some kind of Five Doctors meets Constructicons-Form-Devastator meets Travelling Wilburys situation to resolve the crisis, as if anyone in the world thinks that this situation would benefit from the input of Theresa May right now.

“Deport the virus”

playing fantasy national govt of unity football in an age of cholera and death. Their brains have melted.

Ironically this really would be a good time for an actual government of national unity but good luck persuading Boris of that one.

Not Theresa May - they clearly are looking for DADDIES.

the first rule of Govt of National Unity club is: fuck Jeremy Corbyn!

if daddy john major finds a way to make the cricket season happen i won't complain

*FPs self*

playing fantasy national govt of unity football in an age of cholera and death. Their brains have melted.

now that schools aren't really schools anymore i guess they'll have to stay open throughout the easter holidays?

That would be logical given the circs yeah

not sure how will this is going to age

No 10 says there is 'zero prospect' of a big lockdown of London - as we've been reporting there might be tightening of restrictions but remember that is VERY different from other suggestions of travel bans or the kind of total lockdowns some other countries have pursued

— Laura Kuenssberg (@bbclaurak) March 19, 2020

(also if you're still counting Andrew, confidence in the execution crumbled a good while ago)

When you look at the numbers of cases and growth trajectories I don't understand why everyone isn't following the cue of Japan.

because we believe in freedom

Random leftists shooting this down within seconds

We deserve better than policies which do the bare minimum and don't help everyone, and not just during this pandemic.

We need:
🔺 Universal basic income
🔺 Suspend rent and utility bills
🔺 Nationalise essential services

That's it, that's the line. https://t.co/pm3RoFT4uU

— jt (@jennby__) March 19, 2020

BTW I'm in the pub and it's heaving

(also if you're still counting Andrew, confidence in the execution crumbled a good while ago)

Yeah, I feel sorry about this now - looking back you were just the target for a freakout that I needed to have. Sorry.

The worldometers graph for the UK is not calming at the moment

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/uk/

The stat I just heard on WS was it's killing one person every ten minutes.

Globally of course.

Some science press briefing highlights:
1. Whitty: "it's improbable" there will b #coronavirus vaccine in 6 months
2. Plea for young people to take social distancing seriously
3. Mortality rate in UK looks higher than other countries cos of lack of community testing in UK

— James Illman (@Jamesillman) March 19, 2020

That's from Health Service Journal by the way.

Meanwhile a friend with a long-scheduled birthday party in a pub is telling everyone in the chat that it’s still on, come along

tbf the government is not taking social distancing seriously, why should we?

I went to tesco to get some bread and milk, seems the panic-buying is if anything going up a gear, even saw people with trolleys full of toilet paper again, how long is this phase going to continue?

there were queues outside all the supermarkets I passed today, and boots was serving people in a long line from a hatch

I went to tesco to get some bread and milk, seems the panic-buying is if anything going up a gear, even saw people with trolleys full of toilet paper again, how long is this phase going to continue?

Sainsbury's supposedly started allocating the first hour to older and disabled people from today but predictably this seems to have been disregarded today judging by what was left in the second hour. No sign of items being limited or any safety gear for staff.

Kind of crazy that supermarkets don't seem to have had any panic buying protocol ready or provisions for increasing hygiene.

I've seen some pure joker stories doing the rounds. The guy who had a full trolley of Iron Bru. The one buying £49 worth of Petits Filous fromage frais, if true it would mean they aren't doing two item limit on all goods.

On my way to the store I say a guy with three big packs of toilet paper that went bouncing all over the wet street. Maybe he has a large family but it was comically poetic.

3. Mortality rate in UK looks higher than other countries cos of lack of community testing in UK

hmmm

Woohoo!! #UniversalCredit #chefskiss pic.twitter.com/bLIw5IXPrh

— Greggs Truther (@invisibleste) March 19, 2020

if UC have to put all resources into processing new clients rather than sanctioning/harassing existing ones as seems to be suggested by a few people on my TL now, then at least some people are catching a small break during this horror show.

how do you eat £49 of petit filous before they expire?

went to local sainburys local (at about 14:00 which was probably my mistake) and it was the emptiest i've seen it. no fruit or veg but, amusingly, lots of brightly coloured easter eggs. i'm ok for a while (went to get salad and a couple of other perishables) but i am kind of relying on there being things to buy when i need to buy them again.

Our society must fall back on normality which is totally great and not already killing people

_3. Mortality rate in UK looks higher than other countries cos of lack of community testing in UK_


hmmm

Say you have someone who went through Angel station while infected, coughed into their hand on the way off the train, had their hand on that escalator rail while standing on the way out and unknowingly passed it on to people who made the same journey and touched the same rail?

So currently if this person then develops severe symptoms, is tested, and turns out positive, they may be testing the family and contacting any colleagues or anyone else? But ideally, in a containment situation, they’d try to catch anyone who went through Angel station that day and stood on the right? Potentially those people will have been exposed, some would have become infected, and therefore spread the disease when they travelled onwards. Obviously we’re beyond that now. This is how they’ve been handling it in Singapore iirc.

Germany: 12,853 cases / 34 deaths
UK: 2,626 cases / 103 deaths

Ratio that.

— Matthew Tempest (@MattTempest) March 19, 2020

Difficult to see how the government could come back from a higher death toll than Italy when they had every opportunity to do things differently. Every bungled announcement or briefing is going to come back to bite them.

Also judging by those numbers Germany is just testing way way more people?

The Germany numbers being reported on Worldmeter are saying 100% of the current cases are “mild”, whereas they’re probably only confirming you here if you’re sick enough to go to hospital.

Germany has more beds and ventilators too

BREAKING: 'The government is giving public health officials, police, nurses, doctors the power to detain potentially infection persons.'

A new, 329-page emergency legislation to tackle the #coronavirus outbreak has been published.

More on this story: https://t.co/SeVZN6TXKX pic.twitter.com/QkrpVlGbz8

— Sky News (@SkyNews) March 19, 2020

when we getting that sweet sweet helicopter money

xp the ventilators don’t mean anything if you don’t have the staff trained to use them

Sure, there is a lot of underlying stuff that the UK doesn't have.

iberia laying off 90% of staff for three months. base rate at 0.1%. IKEA closing all UK stores indefinitely. bit wild out there lads

lost count of the number of fb and ig posts by beloved neighbourhoud brunch/coffee/beer spots saying they're closing up and the future is really uncertain. depending on how long this thing goes, we could be lucky if 50% of them re-open : /

Hey do you remember during the election campaign when that guy had the temerity to confront Boris Johnson about the state of the NHS and our most prominent political journalist was all "ah what do you expect he's a Labour supporter" handwavey? And when that guy shouted at Matt Hancock outside a hospital and they amplified confected a story about a physical assault?

Is it possible that a) maybe those guys had a point and b) that our most prominent political journalists might have been unable to see the real story that was staring them in the face?

Obviously the chance of any tiny amount of self-reflection is zero. They got what they were after right?

Let's talk other people getting what they want:

More than 70,000 seasonal workers are normally required to harvest the UK’s fruit and vegetables. Domestic supplies are critical for soft fruits with around 90% of the strawberries and 60% of the raspberries we eat grown in the UK.

There is now uncertainty that overseas workers will be able to travel to the UK over the next month to take up those jobs. There is also worry among the existing overseas labour force working on farms in the UK about whether to stay or travel back home.

We urgently need a UK labour force who can help harvest crops to feed the nation. At a time when international travel is restricted and people are panic buying due to the coronavirus, it is crucial that growers can provide enough British produce to our supermarkets and local shops,” said Sarah Boparan, operations director at the farm recruitment company HOPS Labour Solutions.

We are aware that there are many people facing sustained periods away from their usual employment or studies and HOPS can offer paid positions for those who are willing to work.

HOPS has called for interested applicants to find out more and apply online.

The British Summer Fruits association said it would be mounting a large-scale recruitment campaign in the next few days aimed at that part of the UK population left out of work by the coronavirus. It said 98% of harvest staff last year were from outside the UK.

looks like it's time to nationalise food or just let it rot in the fields.. the choice is theirs.

Kids, the important thing here is that the status quo doesn't die. Everything else is collateral

Hey do you remember during the election campaign when that guy had the temerity to confront Boris Johnson about the state of the NHS and our most prominent political journalist was all "ah what do you expect he's a Labour supporter" handwavey? And when that guy shouted at Matt Hancock outside a hospital and they amplified confected a story about a physical assault?

Is it possible that a) maybe those guys had a point and b) that our most prominent political journalists might have been unable to see the real story that was staring them in the face?

I wish to like and retweet this

perhaps I could print it on a t-shirt and wear it forcibly attach it to someone more persuasively attractive to wear around town. forcible attachment not social distancing-compliant though

There was also that other guy who presented evidence of the government’s designs against the nhs and was negged by the same lickspittle journalists

He at least was an elected representative, negging and smearing members of the public for pointing out glaring flaws in our creaking public infrastructure is a different thing entirely.

Still, it's not as if thousands of lives are at stake or anything.

got my COVID-19 operational planning updates from both farrow & ball and screwfix so I'm feeling a lot calmer now

windrush report out today. it's a good month to bury bad news.

in my local Co-op all the milk, bread and potatoes were wiped out though I managed to get onions, cheap bottle of malbec and long life cream. I heard a macabre convo going on behind me in the queue. Bloke with local council shirt on was loudly boasting how he now has Key Worker status and added : they've moved me from cutting hedges now, they need me to dig some graves.

Priti Patel "I'm a bit sorry.."

I was out earlier, the local corner shop was rammed and there was a 'only 2 customers at a time' notice on the Pharmacy. The local Costcutters that no-one ever goes to remains a goldmine, several of those enormous bags of rice in.

And just home from picking up the weekly vegetable bag from Community Farmers, on the way surveyed the absence of stuff in the four local Sainsburys - the shelves is the big ones were at least 50% empty, the smaller were doing better, and the other corner store I dropped by on the way back was pretty much full. I'm not sure whether this state of affairs will continue - the big ones are possibly only getting raided because it's where people go to buy the big shop.

For my sins I am watching the zero-audience QT because I finished the dishes but I note that whenever a Tory says the Opposition makes ‘a very powerful point’ that is our signal to (a) know that the square root of fuck all will come of it and (b) DRINK.

News night pulling no punches on Bojo’s floppy routine

NEW: the Thursday 19 March update of our coronavirus mortality trajectories tracker

• Italy now has more Covid-19 deaths than China’s total
• UK remains on a steeper mortality curve than Italy, while Britain remains far from lockdown

Live version here: https://t.co/VcSZISFxzF pic.twitter.com/QvByzSj6QX

— John Burn-Murdoch (@jburnmurdoch) March 19, 2020

I don't believe China's figures but yes.

I don't believe the UK figures either - the number of cases is surely way more than is reported.

Anecdotally, it seems likely that there is at least a 24-48 hour lag in a lot of the confirmed cases being reported. The lack of testing also contributes to low official numbers overall. Whether that’s also true of the death statistics, idk.

Whitehall sources say most shops could close and transport could be restricted to key workers in London by the weekend under plans being considered in Government

— Sky News Breaking (@SkyNewsBreak) March 18, 2020

The strategy of leaking stuff like this to the press as a trial balloon remains completely abhorrent.

yeah it really is awful. that combined with the drip drip of support measures, rather than a macron “no business big or small will be allowed to go under” to allow them to continue to pay staff regardless, as well as immediate payment measures for the gig economy and people who have already been laid off, produces horribly fluid uncertainty.

All it does is create panic and confusion.

One of the many things that makes Johnson an almost uniquely poorly suited PM to this current moment is that he can't resist using colourful language that sticks in people's minds and is going to still be there in three weeks' time. How is 'send the virus packing' going to look when the death toll spikes, or if this isn't under control by the middle of the summer?

The alternative is that this isn't a strategy at all and they just haven't got their shit even remotely together and are neither competent nor experienced enough to do so.

I don't know what message '70+ people to be cocooned', 'pubs to be shut', 'London to be locked down' etc, etc and then not following through with any of it, sends other than 'we've looked at the risks and decided that it's not as serious as it would need to be to take those measures so go about your business'.

Seems to me that the constant drip drip and then walking back is pushing people out panic buying, leaving London to go to their families before it’s locked down and into pubs before they close.

That’s what happened in Italy, right - it leaked that a lockdown of the north was coming and a bunch of infected people decided to get out? Leaking this stuff deliberately is just guaranteeing that happens here.

pretty much all my work colleagues have now left london and when they ask where I am they look a little bit uncomfortable with my reply

no longer feeling so smug about moving to zone 1

Every time I read about the number of young people still going to pubs I think 'this is proof the Tories are going to continue winning elections forever'.

yeah it really is awful. that combined with the drip drip of support measures, rather than a macron “no business big or small will be allowed to go under” to allow them to continue to pay staff regardless, as well as immediate payment measures for the gig economy and people who have already been laid off, produces horribly fluid uncertainty.

― Fizzles, Friday, March 20, 2020 9:23 AM (twenty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Fizzles otm. I don't get why the UK gov hasn't come out guns blazing. Macron, and over here the Dutch, have done that. No business will go under, they've basically written a blank cheque for business (not a dumb cheque like US that says "here's $1000 now fuck off and g/l with yr medical bills") to be able to let people keep their job and income. My business will see three people sent away on leave for half of their hours, but 90% of those hours will be covered by the government. Employer gets reimbursed, can pay the normal salary to the people sitting at home weathering this storm: profit.

Uk seems to have a special blend of half-assed financial measures and vague mixed signals about what measures are to be taken health-wise.

It means those economies are going to rebound much more quickly later on. When you consider lost corporation tax, spiralling unemployment benefits and the wider hit to the economy, keeping businesses going must be basically free for the government.

Every time I read about the number of young people still going to pubs I think 'this is proof the Tories are going to continue winning elections forever'.

― Matt DC, Friday, 20 March 2020 bookmarkflaglink

Reading this hilarious argument of someone on left twitter last night convincing himself that Johnson's assurances were good enough so he could go for a drink. Thankfully this was shouted down quickly but the guy really wanted a drink.

Exactly If you're a bartender, or supplier of meat to restaurants or pubs, you obv have zero business. You need the gov to compensate your income to see this out. Plus side is you won't have to pay for unemployment afterwards, and things can go "back to normal" a bit more easily when this is done. I fucking hate saying it but our rightwing government got this right. It's put three of my colleagues hearts and minds really at ease, taking away the fear of no income etc. xp

UK governments in unable to see beyond the end of their noses shocker.

Austerity is going to look like the Scando welfare state when these cunts decide to start clawing the money back

Really wanting a drink is a powerful imperative tbf

My 24-yr-old has been paying National Insurance for two years. After losing job due to corona, inquired about Jobseekers’ Allowance. But can’t claim because needs to have been paying NI longer.
What happens to kids without homes & supportive parents?

— Allison Pearson (@allisonpearson) March 19, 2020

why it's almost like this thin veneer of a welfare state that us lefties have been bleating about for the last decade isn't actually a made up phenomena (like that photo of the kid on the floor of a hospital corridor).

At a guess, i'd imagine the government thinks the French plans might be sustainable for a few months but the policy of letting this play out, rather than trying to control it, means that anything they put in place needs to be viable for nine months to a year, idk.

Nice self-own from supportive mum of the year AP

My heart goes out to the Pearson family at this difficult time. In my prayers.

NV - some talk of loans from what I've seen. But that's poll tax riots territory. Same for rents. Under a lockdown a person can't be thrown out due to non-payment.

Our numbers of cases/deaths are almost matching Italy's 12 days ago -- literally only a few digits in it. It's also remarkably complacent. From both Tories and most of the opposition.

Still somehow hopeful that the sheer blinding necessity of just unequivocally guaranteeing incomes will make it happen very soon but can't help but see their fear of this as the reason for the lack of decisively shutting everything non-essential down.

bread's all been panic-bought, circuses closed down by the so-called politically correct brigade

Aviemore Coylumbridge Hotel sent this letter to staff today. Not just fired but chucked out of their accommodation with no notice and no redundancy pay! @BritanniaLtd Britannia Hotels should be ashamed of themselves. Certainly no "room at the inn" here, disgusting. pic.twitter.com/p6ZB2IYfoK

— John G. Burns (@ScaryHighlander) March 19, 2020

LAURA K: Prime Minister, in the wake of a million deaths, food riots, and cars burning in the streets, could you still say that people were right to vote Conservative?

BORIS JOHNSON (Surrounded by riot police): Yes I would, Laura! Attempts to salute and falls over Cripes!

ASSORTED PRESS PACK: Thank God for the Prime Minister keeping us all jolly in such dark times!

PESTON: Viewers trying to obtain paracetamol scrapings from the ruins of Truro may ask could the Prime Minister have done anything more? But in my opinion, we have the right man for the job.

i'm looking forward to next year when bog roll hoarders get their heads forcibly shaved in public

Yeah this crisis is really bringing out the capital punishment enthusiast in me

SOME CUNT ON TWITTER: Jeremy Corbyn though 😂😂😂😂😂😂 can’t believe you’re STILL trying to score political points off this “crisis” 😂😂😂😂😂 you lost get over it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Capital punishment for the punishing Capital xp

The status quo is over, you can't claw the money back, people paying tax in 2080 will still be paying for the response to this crisis, and that's fine. It requires a fundamental change in our attitude to government debt and the money supply more generally. What happens to the economy from now on is 100% dependent on what the government does. Obviously this doesn't necessarily mean the return of the social democratic consensus - what's coming might be considerably worse than the status quo.

Make sure you let Johnson, Cummings et al clear on that dude.

Are they particularly interested in or driven by austerity? Serious question. Obviously they're no fans of the welfare state itself but Cummings doesn't appear to be cut from the same ideological cloth as Osbourne.

But yes I think in general that they and the party behind them lack the capability to think long-term about what this crisis means for the relationship between government, business and individuals. Subsequent governments might not.

He seems like a classic Internet libertarian to me. Probably not interested in the kind of bovine punish-the-poor shit of your IDS types but I feel like the opportunity to reframe the social contract will be irresistible to Cummings, and why would Johnson, a vain moron fixated on personal legacy, not want to buy into that?

You're probably right, the question is whether internet libertarianism is really compatible with the gigantic amounts of government intervention that will be required to prevent Boris's legacy being 'PM of a pile of smouldering rubble'. Unlike in 2008-2010 there probably won't be a change of government between the intervention and the clear-up, so they can't blame the deficit on previous incumbents.

For the avoidance of doubt I don't think even the best case scenario is leading us anywhere good, but wherever it is it won't be a return to the status quo.

Sure, I'm just quite concerned that we'll end up looking back fondly on this shit show status quo. Apart from their likely incompetence this is the worst imaginable government to be running this crisis and the aftermath, possibly for a long time, with the most likely near-future change in direction only coming from within the Tory Party itself. And that's before we factor in the vast tranche of the UK electorate filled with masochism and love of the jackboot.

The strategy of leaking stuff as a trial balloon, officially denying it, and then u-turning on that is also making everything worse, as a lot of people have access to multiple contradictory statements, and are muddling through (and muddling through on the side of "doing what I want to do").

On of the journos attempted to get the PM to call his father immoral.

This is regarding the "I'm going to go to the pub no matter what" from Stanley Johnson? The tragedy of Boris is that he'd be far more comfortable in his father's position. Well, the tragedy other than the fact that he's not hanging from a lamppost, but it's early days.

We'll know we're fucked when there's a glowing Polly Toynbee article proclaiming a bright new political consensus.

I'm sorry, this performative despair isn't helping either. Every crisis is, in some sense, an opportunity to effect change for the better, at least in theory.

My landlord, Golden Equity Properties, is sending eviction notices out in the middle of a pandemic. Today, they shut our water off without notice again, the third time since #COVID19 crisis started. pic.twitter.com/WUWOGo7ApK

— Emina Gamulin (@EminaKosjenka) March 19, 2020

At least now lovers of Mao's deadly but effective approach to land reform wont be so against the grain! Ready to pour one out for the first millionaire landlord/property company scum that get's strung up on a DIY gallows.

(I meant *my* despair, to be clear)

lol alltime top 10 dn there

Who exactly do Golden Equity Properties think is going to be contemplating moving or viewing houses right now? The only people looking will be other people made homeless because they can't pay their rent.

probably cut their losses and sell them off to some dodgy billionaire using them as the oligarch equivalent of shoe-boxes full of money under the floorboards.

AF going full xyzzzzz is it? We do love to see it.

Golden Equity Properties setting up all the conditions for a rent strike.

That sucks, but it's in Canada

My landlord or rather letting agent has sent me an urgent questionnaire I have to fill in, tbf it's mostly about whether I'm in a vulnerable group rather than outright saying are you planning to pay rent next month. I guess this means I have to tell them my wife died, although I dunno if that would actually change my tenancy at all

I don't think my mum is going to survive this, she's a recentish breast cancer survivor in her late 70's. Her partner is a cantankerous old Ukippy type fuck who still goes to the library every day to read all the newspapers, then the pubs, then the "funhouse". She's not self-isolating and when her I told it's quite likely going to be as deadly here as in Italy, she was quite dismissive + said "you can only do your best, no point worrying".

I was thinking yesterday in the absence of bog roll we may see a resurgence for UK newspapers

Make a killing, start buying shares in Izal.

using newspaper as bog roll is more like 70's nostalgia, which is good honest nostalgia imo - unlike all that propaganda hangover ww2 shite!

Colonel I'm so sorry.

provided they are in joint possession of one (1) human soul they will respond by leaving you the fuck alone for six months or so

This was my commute to work in London this morning @BorisJohnson. This is what you get on London underground when you reduce the service but people still have to go to work. There was a lot of coughing too.

How do we stay safe in this environment?#CoronaVirusUpdate pic.twitter.com/wT345MEjND

— David Riley (@DRileyamusing) March 20, 2020

Incredible.

CP feel free to forward that questionnaire to your MP and ask them straight out what they’re going to do about it

hastings mp = the tory who succeeded (hence is even worse than) amber rudd

which is not to say don't bombard em with this stuff, love and solidarity CP and everyone else

Pubs, restaurants, gyms, leisure centres and cinemas across London will be told to close in a massive ramping up of measures to slow the coronavirus surge.

Boris Johnson chaired an emergency meeting this morning to decide what will be the most drastic action yet to try to shield the capital’s NHS from being overwhelmed by Covid-19 patients.

Shops are not expected to be in the first wave of closure, but it is understood that non-essential stores could be included if they fail to stop customers handling items that could then pass on the virus.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/coronavirus-clampdown-london-cinemas-pubs-shut-a4392981.html

I don't really understand the way of communication here. If this is the decision, why not make it known yourself immediately? Or is the Standard just guessing here?

All the best to you CP

it is understood that non-essential stores could be included if they fail to stop customers handling items that could then pass on the virus

you what?

Routers, radios, tv's spread the virus across the seven seas!

Best wishes to you Colonel. I'm very sorry to hear that.

Tellys and freezers spread diseases

So sorry, CP

Best wishes CP.

Been thinking of you CP, sorry you have to deal with this shit on top of everything else

Letting agents are scum

Our housing manager is about to retire so the Housing Association our building was a part of (which is very small and would I’m sure have done right by us) is being taken on by a much bigger HA. They have a lot more money but I have no idea what they’re like to deal with and I’ve had no communication from them about Coronavirus, though I did get something through my door confirming that my standing order had been set up

This article doesn’t inspire much confidence in the larger ones

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/17/housing-associations-under-pressure-to-offer-covid-19-rent-holidays

This is a report on Germany's response (not looked at yet):

I asked this question on here the other day and got a bunch of conspiracy theories and over-complicated answers in my mentions. Basic answers: massive testing (up to 160,000 per week) catching cases early, demography (young ppl) and high hospital capacity. https://t.co/zTPiIunMs0

— Ben Gook (@bengook) March 20, 2020

I was thinking yesterday in the absence of bog roll we may see a resurgence for UK newspapers

I stopped doing the free-if-you-spend-£10 newspaper offer from Waitrose, because I never get round to reading them and they're just clutter/a waste of paper - but on the way home from failing to buy some loo rolls there it occurred to me that I should've taken my free inky alternative instead.

When they evicted us from the office to work from home I did nick one pack from a small pile of sealed double-packs of cheap nasty loo roll from work, and felt guilty all the way down the stairs until I saw there was a giant pallet of loo roll and cleaning products beneath the stairs, for a mostly-empty building. (There are still a few people left working there so hopefully they won't go entirely to waste and people will help themselves or redistribute them to other buildings.)

Sorry Col. Poo, good luck wins.

UK govt response really disappointing/worrying - hard to know how much due to incompetence and how much because they really don't care (or worse), but it's really not looking good for the future. ugh - good luck everyone.

just thinking about great stockpilers from political history. When Yagoda's Kremlin apartment was raided by his own NKVD agents during the great terror they found 3904 pornographic photographs, 11 pornographic movies, 399 "foreign music records", 37 pairs of imported gloves, 101 imported children's games, 1229 bottles of wine (some vintages dating back to 1897), 11075 cigarettes + 8 boxes of tobacco and 165 pipes (including some made out of elephant tusks). this lad was ready to self-isolate, although toilet rolls are not mentioned.

101 imported children's games

this is a lot of children's game!

unless they were all themed versions of monopoly

tim farron self-isolation update: still alive, if you can call this living

When in self-isolation it's important to exercise, get fresh air and stay positive! pic.twitter.com/08pvat0HNA

— Tim Farron (@timfarron) March 19, 2020

I like to stay positive by imagining Tories dying

Capitalism - it's great.

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/hospitality-giant-g1-group-axe-21725911

g1 group are and always have been a bunch of cunts, so mass phone-sackings vmic

(Daily Record making sure they print the most enormous pictures of pretty sacked worker possible, of course)

well, yeah

https://static01.nyt.com/images/2015/02/15/business/15-MONOPOLY-JP1/15-MONOPOLY-JP1-jumbo.jpg?quality=90&auto=webp

xps to mark

'The big idea of the 1990s that “the economy” will serve as a regulating superego of our politics is a busted flush. ... we should now never tire of asking: which economic constraints are real and which imagined?' @adam_tooze on top form https://t.co/xS5iceaZzq

— David Edgerton (@DEHEdgerton) March 20, 2020

Tooze says C-19 will be a paradigm shift.

the big essay i've been working on -- abt a very specific shift in music and technology from the late 1950s to the early 1970s -- has become weirdly disorientating over the last week, when i've basically just been trying to tidy up the editor's final queries

on one hand, it is soothing to be thinking about something that the horrible present doesn't really touch

one the other hand, this isn't really true! every time i take a step back to reorientate my context for a sense of how history flowed through this time, and towards what, i get this really intense sensation of "literally none of yr mid-level value judgments apply any more dude"

things shifting so rapidly at my work; it's a bit disorienting. glad I'm not at the coalface having to factor in all of the re-planning, implementing BCP, working up revised financials etc. I'm in a privileged position and see quite a lot of data for senior people in the business. some of the internal MI is

insert the emoji for 'my mouth is opening and closing and opening and no sound is coming out' there

which economic constraints are real and which imagined?

This is the heart of it really isn't it?

once you've been down the yellow brick road and past the magic money tree and see the hairy fat arse of the wizard of oz, there is no way back!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6FVk2k4qsM

A small transport operation, but one close to the Prime Minister’s heart, has fallen victim to the coronavirus.

The Emirates Air Line – the east London cable car built on the instructions of the then mayor, Boris Johnson – will stop operating indefinitely from tomorrow

🐦[’The big idea of the 1990s that “the economy” will serve as a regulating superego of our politics is a busted flush. ... we should now never tire of asking: which economic constraints are real and which imagined?’ @adam_tooze🕸 on top form https://t.co/xS5iceaZzq🕸
— David Edgerton (@DEHEdgerton) March 20, 2020🕸]🐦

Tooze says C-19 will be a paradigm shift.

he's taking a long time to get around to the punchline here

pubs cafes and bars to close tonight

fucking finally

"we are all in this together" says the man with a literal nuclear bunker for him and his colleagues.

PROTECT THE NHS is our new three-worder, Dom earning his crust at last

phew, in under the wire

https://t.co/688Ob1Cf8c pic.twitter.com/crlRfnDLem

— Loki (@Lokinash06) March 20, 2020

lool!

No limit on funding for scheme https://t.co/CD4nDFXkLB

— Nick Eardley (@nickeardleybbc) March 20, 2020

all shops apart from supermarkets and pharmacies to shut

this seems good, if late xp is that right about shops?

... cafes, bars, pubs and restaurants must close tonight. Nightclubs, theatres, gyms, cinemas and leisure centres must also close on the same timescale.

BoE going to need a bigger bazooka

NEW #Coronavirus job retention scheme.

HMRC grants to cover most of the wages.

Will cover 80% of salaries of workers of up to £2,500 a month.

Will be open for 3 months. Can extend. NO limit on the funding going into the scheme

— Beth Rigby (@BethRigby) March 20, 2020

not only does Tim Weatherspoon have the Oblivion face but i can hear him doing the voice

Lol vat cancelled

Why 80%?

how's that gonna work for the self-employed?

Self assessment cancelled for a year ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and how does this work for people who've been laid off since the government started fucking up their response to this?

there are gonna be millions of newly unemployed and these cunts are fretting about tax. riot time.

My boss has just gone from "fuck this incompetent government" to "Incredible employment scheme for everyone. What a fantastic government we have I must say. Awfully touched" - this is a verbatim quote, btw, smh.

wondering if I can somehow finagle this so the gov will pay me more than the SSP I'm currently barely living on.

Welfare spending has been cut by £37bn over the last decade.

The £7bn increase the chancellor has just announced is a small step in the right direction but not nearly enough to protect the poorest and most vulnerable.

— Jonathan Bartley (@jon_bartley) March 20, 2020

The 80% of salaries thing is a big relief but at the same time several days too late.

now that we've adopted fully automated luxury gay space communism, all boris needs to do is stop tens of thousands of people dying in understaffed, under-resourced hospitals and he'll be fine... bojo, over to you

huge if true

Wtf pic.twitter.com/WWvY98H2zR

— Will Joseph Cook (@WillJosephCook) March 19, 2020

Important note - have asked Number 10 and shops WILL NOT be closing. The PM listed a number of outlets which will including gyms, bars, restaurants etc. Shops will not be included. The Chancellor made a slip there.

— Kate McCann (@KateEMcCann) March 20, 2020

ah, sorry for misinformation

Yeah we need to still be able to buy scented candles and CDs

Sunak says the measures for casual workers are related to their earnings as recorded on PAYE - so assuming it’s based on average earnings?

and how does this work for people who've been laid off since the government started fucking up their response to this?

Backdated to March 1st apparently.

god the Sunak love out there is unhinged. Never trust a Tory.

It's almost like the privileged bourgeoisie don't need much excuse to rally round a Tory

Self-employed workers have only been guaranteed *£94.25* a week - a big loophole in promise of economic protection.

— George Eaton (@georgeeaton) March 20, 2020

this "we ask people to think about that" bollocks from him is wearing incredibly thin

Lol the friends I would expect to go mental about the pub closures are currently going mental about the pub closures

Nothing for ppl on zero hours

VAT just deferred

Still nowhere near enough for renters in this announcement from Rishi Sunak. Raising LHA rates to 30th percentile means benefits still wouldn’t cover full cost of rent for a great many London renters affected by #covid19

— Tom Copley (@tomcopley) March 20, 2020

od the Sunak love out there is unhinged. Never trust a Tory.
― stet, Friday, March 20, 2020 5:34 PM (twenty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

lmao he's not doing all these bazookas out the good of his heart. lad's staring into the teeth of a depression. expect more to come still

latest from my boss re:the government "Must say Can’t sing enough praise for them!!!!"

cannot say how glad I am that I am at home and do not have to be in office with her while she expresses these opinions

tbf tho tonight's package is huuuuuge

Free Mubi for 90 days via my local independent cinema organization, nice work Mubi.

self-employed ppl seem to think they are fucked

Pubs should remain open for key workers

Yeah which will have the added benefit of encouraging more recruits

That thing Johnson said about you might wanna give it one last night night out but don't, does that mean pubs/restaurants shutter up after closing time tonight? Or earlier?

(not going out but we did fancy a takeaway tonight)

Takeaways are supposed to be fine, Daniel. He said as soon as they practically can. And restaurants can still do takeaways.

Cool, thanks.

Technically, could the self-employed lay themselves off from their own business?

the Sunak love out there is unhinged

Archetypal example of the kind of accomplished young man yr nan is a bit sweet on.

I can't stand to look at his stupid jug-eared head tbh.

^

Not even the sight of these Thatcherite cunts falling back on socialism is enough to make me watch so much of a millisecond of any of their announcements and press conferences.

so fucking rude of them to announce the job support scheme at 6pm on a friday, when so many will go into the weekend unsure whether or not this will help save their job!

My son has a job at Odeon and apparently he'll get covered by the scheme so small mercies, not thanking a Tory tho ever

Takeaways are supposed to be fine, Daniel

should've checked this thread sooner, was just thinking takeaway thoughts but sadly put something in the oven instead

what's going to be more annoying, if Tory Fake Socialism works and they're hailed as geniuses for it, or if some drawback is seized upon by the press and forever more we hear "we tried to be nice in an emergency and we found out that we you just can't have nice things"?

need a ranked index of the covid safety of all uk takeaway options

reckon chips will be top so i'm sticking with those until someone proves me wrong

I did come out for Last Night of the Pubs and bought four pints of TAKEAWAY ale (in little plastic cartons) and I’m following a strict procedure of decanting into a glass, disinfecting hands and then taking the glass through to the living room. Even then it’s a daft risk to take (really felt like I was walking into a fucking incubator) but pubs have been good to me despite everything and I wanted to drink goodbye to normalcy

FWIW I'm only being fulsome in my praise now in case I end up joining the rest of you in the Rishi Gulak.

I can see you've not installed the Tankie-autocorrect app yet, Matt!

"not thanking a Tory tho ever"

Stephen Milligan deserves some praise tbf!

I taught in a summer school at Stephen Milligan's old school, they still have his name in their list of notable alumni carved into a plaque on the common room wall.

Boris Johnson, asked if he'll be seeing his mum this mother's day, says: "I hope I'll get to see her."

The actual prime minister, publicly making clear he hopes to ignore the life-saving advice of his own scientists.

It is not an exaggeration to say those seven words will kill

— Tom Peck (@tompeck) March 20, 2020

(xp) Reminds me I need to stock up on tangerines tomorrow.

... to eat, I hasten to add, I ain't no Tory.

Reminds me I need to stock up on poppers and tights

tom peck give your head a wobble

how does this 80% scheme actually work then? will all pub, cafe etc workers be covered? assume you don't need to have CV19 to take advantage?

Tom prick

Yeah straight away if they’re salaried, which I’m guessing most aren’t. Don’t need to be sick. And casual staff are covered by an average earnings scheme HMRC runs?

Fundamentally not doing much for the non-salaried. A lot of ppl are on the line. And then there is this:

imo a grave mischaracterisation of the UK. they are not carrying out the effective parts of the "wuhan-like response", like mass testing. workplaces are still open. transport is packed. there is little to indicate they're not still going for herd immunity https://t.co/qgzxqzFQOE

— joolsd (@joolsd) March 20, 2020

This has pretty much been my position anyway since they went shit, but fuck Picturehouse

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2020/mar/20/outrage-picturehouse-cinema-staff-redundant-coronavirus-immediate-effect

Somebody should be compiling a list of these companies and the people making these decisions

They’re making a list
They’re lying in wait
Gonna find out who’s
Guillotine bait

Picturehouse should be denied assistance, what a bunch of Tories

Xxp Jack Monroe is doing one on Twitter

Right let's do this. I'm making a #Covid19ShitList for all shops and companies who have treated their staff badly, failing to provide for them, reducing or removing sick pay or healthcare benefits, firing them, making them homeless. SEND ME NAMES AND DETAILS.

— 🌈👩‍🍳📚Jack Monroe (@BootstrapCook) March 20, 2020

Good lad

Thread quickly turns into "let's cheer the good guys of capitalism to be positive" wankery

Reminds me I need to stock up on poppers and tights

twitter is bad
xp

xp I used to get such brutal amyl hangovers I probably don't have the constitution for it nowadays

That's why it's unopened. Ditto.

Lol my second regular pub has gone to £1.50 a pint tonight to get rid of as much stock as poss. Tragically can't be arsed to change out of pyjamas. I've been craving sweeties for the last hour.

A mate's local in Leeds is selling all its stock at £1 a pint

I know it's terrible but the thought of all these masques of the red death going off tonight tickles me

You can teck my bread and milk, but get your nervous sweaty disease spreading hands off my bup, you panic buying part time pisshead cunts!

I actually saw signs of booze panic buying earlier, much more hench dudes with 18 packs balanced on their heads out of heatwave season than usual.

jack monroe a she iirc!

Yeah I know it was a kneejerk "lad"

The Government has published more information on the cancellation of GCSEs and A-Levels which says exam boards will ask teachers to submit judgments about grades they think their students would have received if exams had gone ahead

— Sky News Breaking (@SkyNewsBreak) March 20, 2020

This is bad news. Massively disadvantages students from minority and less affluent backgrounds who consistently outperform teacher expectations. Given that we don’t know that the next university / school year won’t also be disrupted, idk whether it’s not just better to write the year off and start again when we can.

Though it looks like there will be an exam option for learners who aren’t happy with their grade next academic year.

Maybe they can grade the students on their social distancing manners. In other words, keep the fuck away from me you little rascals.

My lad was coming to the end of doing his PGCE, told to go home after school closed on Friday. Hopefully he'll be passed on the work he's done so far but he's a little stressed about it at the moment.

The welfare problems the government hasn't solved - essential piece by @Anoosh_C.

1. The five-week wait for Universal Credit remains.
2. Those who earn less than £118 a week still don't qualify for sick pay.
3. Self-employed get just £94.25 a week.https://t.co/6lcmKs0DtF

— George Eaton (@georgeeaton) March 20, 2020

My lad was coming to the end of doing his PGCE, told to go home after school closed on Friday. Hopefully he'll be passed on the work he's done so far but he's a little stressed about it at the moment.

We've got SCITT (the school-based version of the PGCE) students with us, and they've been told it's likely the rest of the course will be waived but they will have to complete the final assignment. Given the wretched state of recruitment and retention, there's no way they'll jettison a whole year's worth of trainees. He'll be fine, I'm sure.

it took half a century but i finally realised that the red death in "masque of the red death" is a play on "black death", well done E.A.Poe

now studying the giant maggots in doctor who series "the green death" to see if something similar applies, get back to you in 50 yrs i guess

Re self employed people, that’s around 25k black cab drivers in the shit in/around London alone. Have seen some of them wondering if they could be repurposed as delivery drivers/transporting key workers - better idea than just doing nothing imo?

I've been thinking about the guy who does the pub quiz I go to, that's all he does for a living - pub quizzes - guilty LOL thinking about how he could be repurposed.

I’ve got some uber drivers in electric cars going around Brisbane and I’m trying to keep the money coming in for them. I spend my Saturday (in between coughing my guts up) building a platform to turn them into delivery drivers for independent stores with no delivery infrastructure and surge capacity for those stores that can’t keep up. Next step is to get them to hit up some stores in their neighborhoods and get them signed up.

It didn’t take much work to set up a Shopify store front and connect it to couple of different delivery platforms (getswift and OpenFleet) both of which do an uber style dispatch of delivery drivers. Easy enough to do but can help if anyone wants help setting it up in their locales.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/amphtml/alexwickham/10-days-that-changed-britains-coronavirus-approach

even if a tenth of this happened it's still appalling:

Like this caricature of a trade union bureaucrat praising this as a great victory for class collaboration in the national interest while 5 million people face destitution.https://t.co/AYvVnGChxi

— libcom dot org (@libcomorg) March 21, 2020

it seems there were actually limits after all, anyone praising that pencil-necked tory cunt who isn't a tory should be branded. Apparently there might be something aimed at the working poor next week.. but why the drip drip drip of new measures every few days when every hour is precious?

Tories are so good at dividing the British public

If we are on the road to having death rates that match Italy's then the British public could reach agreement though.

You reckon?

We'll soon find out

jeremy cunt indeed, what an absolutely shameless display this smug fuck has been putting on about combatting shortages in the nhs he helped inflict

Jeremy Hunt calls for NHS staff to have the protective equipment they need. The former health secretary shared his concerns that not all NHS staff were receiving the correct personal protective equipment (PPE) on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme.

Predictable stuff (isn't it always?) from Brendan O'Peasant.

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/boris-s-pub-ban-makes-this-a-dark-day-for-britain

Has anyone called it the 'EU virus' yet?

Over the past week, as rumours grew of a government crackdown on public houses, I popped into the pubs near my flat a few times. I wanted to know who was still frequenting these places that have apparently become hotbeds of disease and destruction.

It was mostly old blokes, especially during the day. Men in their seventies, usually on their own, sat at a table with a pint and the newspaper. Widowers, perhaps, grateful for a couple of hours out of the house, amongst other people, in the world. It breaks my heart to wonder what will become of these people now.

People should be free to die horrible deaths in an over-capacity hospital after being exposed to coronavirus in a public space, do you see?

The fact that the Spiked cult must be tying themselves in ever more complex and tangled knots at the moment brings some tiny joy.

Today there are lots of Irish people on Twitter saying B.O.Neil definitely isn't from Ireland and hoping he contracts and dies from Covid19

The fact that he had to go and research what the pub was like speaks volumes.

yeah, he was really telling on himself there

Brendan o'Cunt aside tho, I think some people *are* being a little glib or smartarse about the horrible effect that social isolation itself is gonna have on a lot of people. This is probably the right thing to do but imo berating the people, especially the old, who are gonna be climbing the walls is almost as shitty a look as yr average Spiked piece.

By all accounts it was millennial men who were packing pubs out the most, a doctor friend of mine was in genuine despair at driving past people in the pub last night.

Which isn't to diminish the mental toll that all this isolation is going to take, but from what I can see a lot of people either just don't seem to get it or don't give a shit.

I am supremely horny for the barmaid at my local pub and I would happily shred all your lungs just to handle the same bag of peanuts as her. Shame on you, Boris: this is sinister and shit, says Brendan O’Neill pic.twitter.com/wMDbZZgOZk

— TheIainDuncanSmiths (@TheIDSmiths) March 21, 2020