[1P3 ROCKTOBER] Ask Ned Raggett, ROCKTOBER EDITION

52. Since you have rained on my Rocktober parade (this is not a My Chemical Romances song), should I copy you and do the YouTube Q&A videos of thine own?

53. If so, what locale would be best to film said videos?

54. The Spice Girls Reunion: will it last?

55. What emotion should I have after purchasing one of those Heineken mini-kegs, which I did last night.

52. Mentioning My Chemical Romances or anything similar to me is grounds for dismissal. The question is rendered invalid, but we will proceed under the assumption that the answer was 'yes.'

53. The best locale to film said videos, quite obviously, is a tacky theme bar dedicated to the use and abuse of the native culture which was supplanted by loud and boisterous European adventurers that cared for little aside from cheap labor, sex and otherwise living off the fat of the land (earned by others). Therefore you must consider your options. You live in Australia, a land well known for its cheery bigotry among far too many of your fellow citizens, as personified by the doof you have elected over there as your leader, who makes ours seem like Stephen Hawking crossed with Mahatma Gandhi. Ergo, you must find a bar featuring these essentials:

* cartoony representations of smiling Indigenous Australian children who are thoroughly pleased to be raised by stern government officials for the express purpose of wiping out any sense of core identity

* kangaroos happily leaping into an abattoir for the express purpose of creating rooburgers or whatever the hell you people eat (when not eating that finest of foods, koala tacos)

* stoned rich kids from the Gold Coast who think that they know what the Dreamtime means because of that good grass they smoked once with a putative 'wise man'

* lots of uranium, which you ship to the US on the grounds that that way you won't be invaded

Failing to find this exact theme bar, please go to your local Liberal Party office and film it there. The effect will be similar. (Bonus points if you include that elegant and well-spoken ambassador of Australia's qualities to the wider world, Lleyton Hewitt.)

54. It is the far future. Space has been colonized. Endless worlds have been opened up for human settlement. Theme bars featuring the exploitative themes elucidated above but with reference to nonhuman civilizations now cover many planets. Humanity has happily survived its most self-destructive impulses to infest a galaxy, and the universe yawns its approval in the hope that we will disappear like the festering itch we generally tend to be.

It is in this context that the reengineered DNA of the original Spice Girls will hold their press conference on a discarded moon of Sirius 7-A, beamed to all of creation. They are unstoppable. They exist beyond time and space. They will live while we all die.

(Well, I won't die. I've made arrangements. YOU people, you have your own problems.)

55. There is a line often quoted by philosophers and/or drunks (really, the 'and/or' part should be replaced by an 'aka'). This is the Latin phrase "Post coitum omne animal triste," whose antecedents, as this article demonstrates, are muddled. The express intent, however, is to assign a feeling of sadness among men after sex, presumably because having too much 'waste product' retained. (I refuse to delve into this filth any more than necessary -- I've provided you the link, take it from there.)

Clearly, the philosopher/drunks that Plato refers to (the idea that 'philosopher-kings' existed is a sign of pretension made by an errant scribe, clearly having imbibed too much retsina) meant this expression of emotion at the emptiness of their lives when concerning matters of the flesh to be matched by their own attempts at alcohol consumption, leading to other such psuedo-learned aphorisms as 'in vino veritas' and similar excuses that led to drowning their sorrows in the fruit of the grape and of similar foodstuffs.

The emotion you have, therefore, is that of anticipation. You already know, in your heart and head, that you will eventually be staring at said Heineken mini-keg, having consumed it while sitting amid your local Liberal Party headquarters. The stoned rich kids will have left. Lleyton Hewitt will have made his excuses because he has to go shout insults at people of different sexual orientation to his own. Even the smiling kangaroo cartoons seem wan and forlorn. You will sit, staring at your Heineken mini-keg, and wonder why on earth you did something so wretched, so foolish. Overwhelmed by emotion, you will weep bitter tears, and it is this delicious melancholy which you sense, happily, having purchased it the night before.

The situation however could have been worse. You might have bought a Foster's.

I was annoyed that nobody told me that the first glasses would be head (and not the good kind of head, haw haw) but anyway.

56. I recently moved and now live about five to ten minutes away from the suburbs where Lleyton used to live, West Lakes (before he sold out and moved to Sydney) - how will this affect my lifestyle?

57. Why were Americans so impressed when they found out that I come from the same city as Lleyton?

58. Do you think Lleyton and the Adelaide Crows' Andrew McLeod will patch over their differences and become best buds again, chillin' and illin' 'round West Lakes?

59. What do you think of Lleyton's sister, Jaslyn, and her exciting and fashionable new look?

http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,5718225,00.jpg

56. Your lifestyle is yours to abuse in whatever location you see fit. I would not abuse it in a place called West Lakes.

57. Americans, you must understand, are a simple species. Anything beyond their borders is viewed as an extension of EPCOT Center in Walt Disney World, and as such implies reduction of the world to something easily digestible. The Pacific is but a puddle, the Himalayas some foothills, and all has been organized for the existence of corn-fed people from the Midwest to come and go "Golly!" at when not eating something deep-fried. (People on the coast of course are wonderful and cosmopolitan souls in comparison, a viewpoint that we repeat to ourselves unceasingly in the misbegotten belief that it is in fact true, and thus does our great nation continue onward in its own very stumbling way.)

Somewhere in the mass memory in the US is the vague recollection that there were some Olympic games held in Sydney and that we won all the medals except those we didn't. We therefore have a kind and benevolent feeling towards Sydney and its surrounding environs, and assume all Australia is like that too. Saying you are from the same city as Hewitt implies to an American that you cheerily go along the beach saying 'g'day' to people all the time, as opposed to beating them up. And thus do you imprint yourself upon the mass mind.

58. They will not. Instead, they will fight the traditional Australian duel of stuffed wombats hurled at each other from a distance of twenty paces. Whoever misses the most times will be hailed as the most drunk.

59. You're not fooling me. That's the Aphex Twin.

60. Which member of Aphex Twin?

60. The dead one.

43. Why do you fagz on AMG give ***** to Dylan? Dylan is the most boringest thing ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWUgJwn12mg

-- gr8080, Sunday, October 21, 2007 8:40 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Link

<3 <3

Ned and gr8080 you guys are too awesome.

We do try.

ned did all the heavy lifting.

61. When can we expect NedsNudes.com?

62. WHY U BREAK MY HEART?

61. NedsNudes.com is a prospect, to be sure, but one that requires contemplation. This has to be determined first, namely, whether the domain refers to:

* images of one Ned, presumably myself, in various states of undress.

* images created by one Ned, again presumably myself, of others in such a state.

This is an important distinction. Some might well enjoy the former option, and I am flattered, but it might be that the latter would be more acceptable to the general public, depending on the exact content. Body fascistic standards of 'acceptability' are, of course, deeply problematic in this regard, since what is acceptable to one might not be to another, what is desirable to another might not be to one, and so forth. The result might be bitter arguments, recrimination, public embarrassment and ultimately bloodshed, which if it occurred during the photo sessions themselves (assuming the medium would be photography; it could just as easily be pen-and-ink drawings, Crayola scrawlings, or graffiti, for instance) would lean to staining.

Lawyers are currently working on this question. An answer is hoped for in some years.

62. You have confused 'BREAK' with 'BJORK' and 'HEART' with 'HEAD.' The only person guilty of bjorking your head is yourself. Do not trouble me with these petty complaints within your control.

Attention, attention. Rocktober concludes tomorrow. Last questions to be filed, plz.

63. Who do you prefer out the following people: Dan Perry or John Darnielle? 0P0.

64. Besides hanging out with me, what was your favorite part of your Hawaii trip?

65. Heave Ho (1:35:21 PM): can you ask ned on my behalf if he needs to empty his bladders and defecate like us lesser mortals?
Heave Ho (1:35:38 PM): http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=63&threadid=703#unread
gr8080 (1:35:59 PM): i thot u could post now
Heave Ho (1:36:10 PM): barred from 1p3
gr8080 (1:36:18 PM): oh.

63. Both are incredibly great people and it is my pleasure to have known them all this time. But forced to make a choice, it must be Dan. Our visions of the universe are too much in sync for it to be otherwise. (See, I can do a serious answer.)

64. My favorite other part was thinking how great it was to have time away from gr8080. (Likely this was your favorite part too.)

65. Regrettably yes. I say regrettably because I've been home for the last two work days with an intestinal bug. I trust I need not elucidate.

Poor Heave.

66 cure or chameleons

(you can only pick one)

66. Okay, it is official -- you are an evil bastard for making me choose.

67. mbv vs smashing pumpkins

67. Mr. Little seems to have missed out on the fact that Billy Corgan has spent the entirety of the past two years cheapening himself, the good name (in my eyes) of his most famous band, and pretty much a fair chunk of his overall existence with the awful travesty and everything associated with it that is Zeitgeist. Pissing on Mr. Corgan were he on fire is pretty much no longer an option, sadly. I would weep but I am made of stone.

MBV, now, forever. And amen.

68. will corgan ever stop loving god and wearing weird white raincoats on stage and come back to us as the cynical bitter serpent-tongued fucker we used to know and love?

ps. do you not think there are at least a couple of good songs on zeitgeist eg. 'bleeding the orchid'?

69. What if the next MBV album (lolz) is as bad as Zeitgeist?

70. what is the weirdest part of australian culture?

68. I'm sure he's designing a website explaining that right now. (There might be good songs on that album. They seem to have been deleted.)

69. That would be problematic.

70. Culture?

71. Ned, should I get my wisdom teeth removed? It is so much $$$$ for real. They're fucking up my unwise teeth, FWIW. Also, did you have yours removed and if so what was it like and are you glad you did?

(ps it is 5 p.m. Halloween where you are so Rocktober is STILL ON!)

Abbott I know I'm not Ned Raggett but in terms of $$: when I got mine out my family had a yearly dental deductable, so I got two out in December and two out in January and got covered for both since they took place in different years. If you've got insurance that works like that it might be a good idea--it sucks to go in for surgery twice but since its only one half of your mouth you can still chew solid food with the other half.

Oh boy I sure do not have insurance.

72. why does it seem like you just don't have the passion to answer these questions like you did a few weeks ago?

73. Are you going to keep answering questions into Movemeber as a tribute to the power of THE MO?

74. When are you adding the BUTTEZSPHERE to your blog links?

75. Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen - will it last?

And these will be my final answers:

71. I did indeed get mine all removed and I did indeed have insurance. This has led some to call me smug. I am. I'm sorry. (I lie.) It was observed at the time of the removal that due to my sluggishness after being put under, combined with my desire not to talk too much during that first day, that I was the quietest I had ever been, and might ever be. It was one brief moment in time.

72. Sadly, my being under the weather combined with all sorts of random things happening at once has sapped some of my will. I will react to this eventually by going on a killing spree to alleviate my savage mental torpor. I do not believe in half measures.

73. It is possible I will continue answering questions in some future setup. My passion, perhaps having been found again, tamed and cloned, may prove irresistible yet.

74. This shall not occur. I have standards.

75. Only until the first, sad, failed teabagging.

And good night.

http://www.absolutely-nothing.co.uk/uploads/blogphotos/375.jpg

This was fun! Thanks, Ned!

Yer welcome!

76. Why would I want to see other people in a state of undress?

77. ¿Que paso?

78. How many days are in ROCKVEMBER?

And these will be my final answers:

I'll take care of these ones for Nerd Faggot:

76. You're a possible homosexual pedophile. Seek help.

77. You're racist against Mexicans. Seek help.

78. There is no such thing as Rockvember, stupid. It is MOVEMBER where we celebrate the MO. Seek help.

^^^This.

cormacpatrick (2 weeks ago)

What a fucking imbecile.
1. Richey did not throw himself off a bridge.
2.Richey did not take drugs, only pescripted ones.
3.The reason the Manics didn't break America is because they weren't bothered to.The fact that Tolerate was the only song they've ever released there shows this.
4.The Manics are not fuckin' journey.Dumb Cunt.

Lol!

41. Does Ned Raggett smoke weed crack?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfoXwgPtfLw

OMG i couldn't stop laughing at this. srsly grate.

Steveothebud (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam 0 (Reply)
ok for a start your obviously not a good journalist.....

Richey Edwards' body was never found so you cant say he comitted suicide, thats just calous...those comments about Richey Edwards were just Horrid .. and you could get arrested for something like that ..

Richey Edwards took perscripted drugs not drugs like herowin, co-cain, cannabis etc (drugs dominates alot of America)...

The Manics got big without there albums being over worked on..

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Steveothebud (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam 0 (Reply)
The Manics didnt really want to get big in the US... they didnt like America, and even if they wanted to - they couldnt cos the Americans who mixed there albums made them sound like crap... im not suprised Americans in the music industy are useless... Sorry.. you Americans even say "slash is from america" bullshit he Hampstead (London)

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Steveothebud (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam 0 (Reply)
My conclusion is

*that your not even fairly inteligant..

*you try to speak quick just so you look
canny... but the thing is you fuck up in every line...

*you dont know your research

*you are an old whiny man

*it sounds like your balls are droping in this video.. either that or your taking helium..

*your reading of a computer... (badly)

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Steveothebud (2 days ago) Show Hide Marked as spam 0 (Reply)
PS... you keep saying England all the time...
THERE NOT FROM ENGLAND...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIszu7_hC8g

fuck Steveothebud

lol @ you are reading off a computer (badly)!!!

how do i shot flickr?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmabel/470174589/in/photostream/

HAW

Who is that Raggett in the window?