TO MOLLIFY LINGJACKSON OVERDRIVEBERT WHO IS THE SQUEAKY DESERT FIEND, POST ON THIS THREAD AND ONE OF YOUR FRIENDLY ITR MODS WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE WICKED AWESOME, AND POSSIBLY OFFER AN EFFUSIVE ST

I am currently ignoring the Mormons at my door.

I'd rather have Mormons at my door than Jehovah's Witnesses, but on the whole I heartily approve of you ignoring them.

bump bump bump

my friend's dad used to polish his guns only when the jehovahs/mormons came to visit, and he would also strip to underpants. then he would ask them serious questions about their faith until they became uncomfortable enough to leave of hteir own accord

remy, i didn't remember us being friends back in the day

So Remy, what about the ones who stayed?

xpost Oh, like a Jehovah's Witness could find your parents' house, John.

(otherwise entirely believable, though)

i didn't ever hear that part of the story, ned. the tales i heard ended with my friend's mom coming home and seeing missionaries running out of the driveway as fast as their legs could manage

My brother told the one Jehovah's Witness who came out to our house that his name was NATAS.

one time some jehovah's witnesses knocked at my door just seconds after i had put on some beautiful elegant white silk lounging pyjamas which had been given to me that morning by an older woman who'd got them in paris on her honeymoon years before, so i opened the door, raised one eyebrow and drawled 'yes?' and they blushed and stammered and said 'it doesn't matter' and ran away, they thought i was a painted jezebel.

lolz

God, the Jehovah's Witness girl who worked at Carbone's for us for a while was soooo slow. Physically and mentally. She thought my Mom's name was "Just Jane," because my mom called to order some food and told her that it was "just Jane next door." (She was calling from House of Wines...)

just jane!

the super-friendly mennonites in my town used to run an amazing pet store with lots of potty-trained animals (miniature goats, pot-bellied pigs, rescue dogs) running up and down the aisles, and i was always secretly disappointed that they didn't come proselytizing door-to-door at my house, because i am almost 100% certain that i would have gone with them

they also made amazing baba ghanoush and fresh yogurt and sang in a barbershop quartet with my aunt

and wore funny stockings that they patched instead of throwing out. i thought they were quaker like me, but really really good at it

i like the cut of their jib.

is that like a girdle? because i think they wore those.

no, a jib is a kind of sail and liking the cut of someone's jib is a saying.

this is what i like about their jib, in order:

the pet shop
the baba ghanoush
the harmonies
the fresh yoghurt
the patched stockings
the putative girdles

Honestly, the food part sounds the best to me. I always wanted to be a Lutheran growing up because it was clear that they had better potlucks than us Catholics.

Actually, their youth activities were better, too.

(i really knew that, estela. i used to sail. once i did this but not quite as far, and in colder, less-beautiful atlantic waters)

and i was always jealous of the catholics, because they got excused from school to go to CCD, which sounded fun

i like the cut of your jape.

ccd wasn't fun, it was dismal.

I am glad to know what a jib is, at last.

In HSTNGS, our CCD was on Saturday mornings during grade school (lame) and later on Wednesday evenings for jr. and sr. high (conflicted with ballet classes often). And it was NOT fun; it was boring. Except for the year where they taught all about sex and why you should not have it. That was sort of interesting.

My favorite ever CCD class discussed how, if you have sex before you're married, you'll be a "half Christmas tree."

I defy anyone to make sense of that metaphor.

PS I think that was the year I thought, YEAH, I WANT TO BE A HALF CHRISTMAS TREE.

dammit, I really can't deal with BBcode, can I.

i might have told this story once already.

when i was in sixth grade, my teacher stood up one wednesday noon and dismissed everybody who attended CCD for a special field trip to a nearby abbey. there were twenty-four kids in my classroom. twenty-two of them went.

i did not. neither did m. monahan. m. monahan had down syndrome. i felt very sad that i was not invited, but at least i had m. monahan for company.

until the teacher gently reminded him he was supposed to go, because he was a catholic -- didn't he remember the cross at his neck?

That's awful! They should have politely invited you along at least...

i am sort of glad they didn't, actually, because i probably would have wanted to become a monk. i was very, very impressionable.

remy, you sound like you would have been so charming to be around.

Also, I still envy monks and nuns a bit since their lives sound really peaceful and calm. I know that I would hate it, but it does have a certain simple appeal.

a lot of things have that kind of false appeal, they sound nice described in a sentence but would be hard to stand.

vegetarianism
religious fervor
long term relationships

sobriety

I used to be a vegetarian... omg is my long-term relationship now DOOMED?!

a bracing hike up a mountain on a spring morning

healthy eating
exercise
regular sleeping habits

small business ownership/the entreprenurial drive ;_;

Aw, you love that last one, admit it!

xpost to stet - that sounds like a good way to get a bad sunburn. Plus you could be sleeping in.

getting up early
going to sleep early
saving money
taking a quick nap

a three hour tour

running any distance

apple-picking.

(for a job, i mean, all day every day for weeks on end.)

watching the medical channel

reading Victor Hugo's Les Miserables in unabridged form

moving to a cottage on a remote island and living off the land

gardening

I didn't have enough patience to read all that so please be content with the following missive

I'LL KILL YOU ALL

it does seem appropriate in several ways

Tom, I think you need to go get yourself a massage. You will enjoy it!

getting murdered by an angry mod.

hoo haa