OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (twelve years ago) link

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (twelve years ago) link

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (twelve years ago) link

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (twelve years ago) link

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (twelve years ago) link

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (twelve years ago) link

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (twelve years ago) link

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (twelve years ago) link

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (twelve years ago) link

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (twelve years ago) link

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (twelve years ago) link

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (twelve years ago) link

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (twelve years ago) link

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (twelve years ago) link

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (twelve years ago) link

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (twelve years ago) link

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (twelve years ago) link

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (twelve years ago) link

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (twelve years ago) link

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (twelve years ago) link

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (twelve years ago) link

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (twelve years ago) link

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (twelve years ago) link

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (twelve years ago) link

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (twelve years ago) link

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (twelve years ago) link

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (twelve years ago) link

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (twelve years ago) link

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (twelve years ago) link

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (twelve years ago) link

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (twelve years ago) link

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (twelve years ago) link

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (twelve years ago) link

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (twelve years ago) link

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (twelve years ago) link

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (twelve years ago) link

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (twelve years ago) link

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (twelve years ago) link

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (twelve years ago) link

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (twelve years ago) link

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (twelve years ago) link

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (twelve years ago) link

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (twelve years ago) link

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (twelve years ago) link

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (twelve years ago) link

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (twelve years ago) link

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (twelve years ago) link

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (twelve years ago) link

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (twelve years ago) link

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (twelve years ago) link

ohhhhhh, *that* Silvio Plath

a wagon to the curious (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 18:16 (three months ago) link

Joni Mitchell and Joan Didion, Ernest Hemingway and Bob Dylan, Silvia Plath and Carole King

all spellbindingly human

mookieproof, Wednesday, 11 September 2019 18:17 (three months ago) link

Who are six people who've never been in my kitchen?

Evans on Hammond (evol j), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 18:19 (three months ago) link

That same year, Del Rey stopped performing in front of the American flag, viewing it as “inappropriate” for the Trump era. She changed her backdrop to a screen of static instead, a multifaceted commentary on the “white noise” of American politics and the dissociative phenomenon of living in the world’s wealthiest country, which also happens to jail children.

like i dunno if that's so much multifaceted as it is... monofaceted?
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, September 11, 2019 11:15 AM (three minutes ago)

more "dumb as fuck" faceted

Seany's too Dyche to mention (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 18:21 (three months ago) link

extremely appropriate for the trump era, tbf

sock fingering, baby (rushomancy), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 18:38 (three months ago) link

has perplexed those who would prefer to see brilliant women fail

love this construction, where the fact that everyone agrees the subject is brilliant is presented as a given

“Hakuna Matata,” a nihilist philosophy (One Eye Open), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 18:43 (three months ago) link

also the strawman internet chud bamboozled by LDR ascension when his druthers are, as a rule, to see brilliant women fail
imagining a masculinist america's funniest home video special where a parade of women in mortarboards, lab coats and astronaut suits keep stepping on rakes and slipping on banana peels

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 19:00 (three months ago) link

ove this construction, where the fact that everyone agrees the subject is brilliant is presented as a given

― “Hakuna Matata,” a nihilist philosophy (One Eye Open),

Don't see the big deal?

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 19:03 (three months ago) link

"Brilliant" is a cliche, though.

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 19:04 (three months ago) link

Norman Fucking Rockwell! slaps in all the right places.

american bradass (BradNelson), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 19:05 (three months ago) link

Jesus Fucking Christ.

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 19:06 (three months ago) link

someone needed to slap the keyboard out of that writer's hand

brigadier pudding (DJP), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 19:13 (three months ago) link

couple of people in here really preferring to see brilliant women fail right now.

unashamed and trash (Unctious), Wednesday, 11 September 2019 20:34 (three months ago) link

or maybe it’s that some people love imposing brilliance on vapid people because they’re pretty

maura, Thursday, 12 September 2019 02:32 (three months ago) link

i do like seeing someone fail now and then but i'm not super picky about who

j., Thursday, 12 September 2019 03:24 (three months ago) link

I mean I like LDR but jfc comparing her to Joan Didion my god

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:28 (three months ago) link

or maybe it’s that some people love imposing brilliance on vapid people because they’re pretty

I would like to put this on a t-shirt

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:31 (three months ago) link

Norman Fucking Rockwell! slaps in all the right places.
― american bradass (BradNelson), Wednesday, September 11, 2019 2:05 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

like "the face"

Mommy...can I go out and VAPE tonight? (voodoo chili), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:31 (three months ago) link

sorry, should clarify that brad was quoting somebody there

Mommy...can I go out and VAPE tonight? (voodoo chili), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:31 (three months ago) link

I keep imagining Meghan Trainor singing "All the right slaps/In all the right places"

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:32 (three months ago) link

I decided to read this piece as opposed to just making fun of it from afar and I don't think I'm going to get past the subhead:

The singer has defied critics and graduated summa cum laude from the pop pantheon into the hall of legends. Her latest album proves she deserves the respect of legends like Joni Mitchell and Carole King.

o rly

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:35 (three months ago) link

It must be true. *dies*

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:36 (three months ago) link

In 2012, Del Rey’s debut album, Born to Die, delivered a complex satire of American neediness far ahead of its time, which combined babylike vocals with crushing instrumentals and lyrics rife with literary references to everything from Walt Whitman to Vladimir Nabokov. The net effect was like listening to a toddler recite passages from The Bell Jar: mesmerizing and depressing

what

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:37 (three months ago) link

If my toddler was reciting passages from The Bell Jar my reaction would probably be "HELLO WORLD? LOOK AT MY FUCKING TODDLER"

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:39 (three months ago) link

if my toddler recited passages from the bell jar i'd be like - this slaps

“Hakuna Matata,” a nihilist philosophy (One Eye Open), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:40 (three months ago) link

Elsewhere, she’s gloriously despondent. “Fresh out of fucks forever,” she sings on the prodigious “Venice Bitch” song. “Ice cream, ice queen, I dream in jeans and leather.”

I don't think this writer knows the definitions of the words he is using.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 12 September 2019 15:42 (three months ago) link

Thesaurus.com got a lot of clicks that night

When I am afraid, I put my toast in you (Neanderthal), Thursday, 12 September 2019 16:04 (three months ago) link

Looks like that guy usually only writes about art

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Thursday, 12 September 2019 16:06 (three months ago) link

Does the writer give any specific examples of how one of the "crushing instrumentals" aids the "complex satire of American neediness" or is that just one of those things people say when they mean "I like to get high and listen to this record and I hate Trump"?

chr1sb3singer, Thursday, 12 September 2019 16:27 (three months ago) link

speaking of "crushing instrumentals" I would like both Lana Del Rey and Deafheaven more if she was their lead singer

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 12 September 2019 16:58 (three months ago) link

she doesn't have the range

j., Thursday, 12 September 2019 17:00 (three months ago) link

If my toddler recited The Bell Jar, I'd put it in an oven.

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 12 September 2019 17:00 (three months ago) link

Alfred, Edgelord Sotosyn

Seany's too Dyche to mention (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 12 September 2019 17:08 (three months ago) link

I would like Lana Del Rey more if she'd named her album Norman Fucking Podhoretz

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Thursday, 12 September 2019 17:43 (three months ago) link

why speak ill of the dead when MSNBC employs his chickenshit son?

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 12 September 2019 17:48 (three months ago) link

I'm all out of fucks and feeling really low

untuned mass damper (mh), Thursday, 12 September 2019 17:56 (three months ago) link

if my toddler recited passages from the bell jar i'd be like - this slaps

in all the wrong places :(

now let's play big lunch take little lunch (sic), Thursday, 12 September 2019 18:50 (three months ago) link

that toddler sounds brilliant

Frozen CD, Thursday, 12 September 2019 19:01 (three months ago) link

but not Joan Didion brilliant. Let's calm down.

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Thursday, 12 September 2019 19:04 (three months ago) link

Slouching Towards Bedtime

Ramen? No thanks, I prefer them cooked (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 13 September 2019 14:51 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

This review of the new Neil Young album is kind of glorious. First, we get this opening paragraph:

‘Colorado’ is Neil Young’s 39th album. Let’s just let that sink in for a moment. He’s reached that point in his career where very few people have constructed as large a catalogue, while delivering a consistent level of quality.

"A consistent level of quality"? Are we still talking about Neil Young here?

That line gets even better when you hit paragraph 9 (of 10):

The return of Lofgren is inspired and Crazy Horse sound better than they have since 'Greendale' in 2003. The guitars feel tighter and have more bite. Young sounds invigorated but comfortable. In all fairness ‘Colorado’ isn’t going to join the pantheon of classic Neil Young albums, but few of his recent releases will, 'Le Noise' being the last that came close, but ‘Colorado’ is still a very good album.

What happened to that "consistent level of quality"?

shared unit of analysis (unperson), Tuesday, 22 October 2019 11:43 (one month ago) link

I've never heard of this site.

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 22 October 2019 12:30 (one month ago) link

UK music title founded -- with a bit of noise, posters all over London and presumably elsewhere -- in 2004. I'm always startled to discover it still persists, and I think it is too.

mark s, Tuesday, 22 October 2019 12:42 (one month ago) link

I dunno the writer says 'Colorado is still a very good album. 'Good' has something to do with quality iirc

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, 22 October 2019 13:29 (one month ago) link

https://ktla.com/2019/10/26/kurt-cobains-green-cardigan-from-unplugged-performance-sells-for-record-breaking-334k/

“The cardigan has never been washed since the concert and has all the original stains, too, so the new owner is sure to smell a lot like teen spirit.”

dracula et son fils (morrisp), Sunday, 27 October 2019 20:10 (one month ago) link

does the writer know what teen spirit is?

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 27 October 2019 20:12 (one month ago) link

four weeks pass...

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-lists/the-50-most-important-music-moments-of-the-decade-912772

Sure looks like a promising article but, alas, every time I try to scroll down to the content or load any of the tabs my browser crashes or even more frustratingly, it says “Safari encountered a problem with the page and had to restart” and reloads, repeating the error all over again. Even if I click on the three bars in the address bar and put it into Safari’s “Reading Mode” it will only load the intro paragraph. Worst piece of music writing ever? It’s literally unreadable.

Mr. Snrub, Monday, 25 November 2019 17:15 (two weeks ago) link

That's usually my experience with Rolling Stone's web interface.

Lavator Shemmelpennick, Monday, 25 November 2019 17:16 (two weeks ago) link

ad blocker problem, maybe?

I've run into that problem on Gannett-owned publications. There's some sort of garbage that tries to reload the page when ads don't load, and it ends up crashing out

mh, Monday, 25 November 2019 17:25 (two weeks ago) link

if it makes you feel better, it's not an interesting article, unless you're intrigued by deep thoughts like "Future unseats his own Number One with another Number One" or "What to do with R. Kelly and XXXTentacion?"

Evans on Hammond (evol j), Monday, 25 November 2019 17:29 (two weeks ago) link


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