OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (ten years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (ten years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (ten years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (ten years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (ten years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (ten years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (ten years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (ten years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (ten years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (ten years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (ten years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (ten years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (ten years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (ten years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (ten years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (ten years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (ten years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (ten years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (ten years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (ten years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (ten years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (ten years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (ten years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (ten years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (ten years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (ten years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (ten years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (ten years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (ten years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (ten years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (ten years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (ten years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (ten years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (ten years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (ten years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (ten years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (ten years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (ten years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (ten years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (ten years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (ten years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (ten years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (ten years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (ten years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (ten years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (ten years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (ten years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (ten years ago) Permalink

also the 'this woman EATS' trope is a bit overdone

― maura, Monday, April 9, 2018

hard to believe it's already been 8 whole years since TRUFFLE FRIES

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 17:49 (one week ago) Permalink

Nelson is a really good writer

everything i've read by him needs at the very least two more passes from an editor. i also think he has nothing intelligent to say about metal

but ymmv

flamenco drop (BradNelson), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 17:52 (one week ago) Permalink

Thanks hip-hop writers from New York for your interest in Kacey Musgraves, but we’ve got this handled. Or as Kacey Musgraves would say, “Mind your own biscuits.”

Frozen CD, Tuesday, 10 April 2018 18:05 (one week ago) Permalink

xp he's good at writing about the music business, i find him lacking when he writes about the artform itself

stormzy daniels (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 18:10 (one week ago) Permalink

I still think it’s funny that Michael Nelson called the band name Dog Shredder “gross and indefensible”

like æ duce says, smell my anvil vapre (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 18:27 (one week ago) Permalink

i think it was weird that, given his casually enthusiastic style, his pallbearer review was p much all comparisons to other records, which made it p impenetrable to someone not acquainted w a lot of the records mentioned, but also sort of meaningless even w the ones which which i was. like, if the progressions are so great, try to describe them? he mentions a chord change that struck him once and doesn't expand on it

lowercase (eric), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 18:55 (one week ago) Permalink

tbf dog shredding is more gross and indefensible than most things

lowercase (eric), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 18:56 (one week ago) Permalink

no way, a german shepherd busting out some sweet lightspeed yngwie licks on a neon-green flying v is cool as shit

star wars ep viii: the bay of porgs (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 18:59 (one week ago) Permalink

bizarro is right as usual. Are we talking about dogs who play fast modal tapping solos on guitar? Or are we talking about dogs being thrus in Fargo-esque woodchippers?

like hell, but with more ketchup (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 19:01 (one week ago) Permalink

participles are confusing

lowercase (eric), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 19:02 (one week ago) Permalink

What if the shredder is a dog?

pomenitul, Tuesday, 10 April 2018 19:07 (one week ago) Permalink

(...should’ve read the other replies first...)

pomenitul, Tuesday, 10 April 2018 19:08 (one week ago) Permalink

bizarro is right as usual.

more of this from the rest of the board too pls

star wars ep viii: the bay of porgs (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 19:15 (one week ago) Permalink

i like Nelson's stuff usually (a lot more than Brad, apparently) but again:

10,000+ words!

on the Strokes guy's not-the-Strokes new band!

alpine static, Tuesday, 10 April 2018 23:27 (one week ago) Permalink

serious question: is Nelson paid an annual salary by Stereogum? he's on there enough, i assume he's on staff.

and if so, did Scott, like, tell him he could take a week off of doing news updates or w/e and write that piece?

and if so, then I guess they think 10K words on the Voidz is clickworthy enough to go a man down on day-to-day stuff?

or am I way off base here and Nelson's a freelancer and he pitched a thousands-word-count story?

i'm never going to read the thing, but i am kinda interested in the economics and logistics behind it.

alpine static, Tuesday, 10 April 2018 23:31 (one week ago) Permalink

Michael Nelson is the managing editor, and he doesn't file that much copy in comparison to the others who are on staff. (I wish he'd do more on the music business - when he did that string of pieces on streaming in 2016-2017, he was knocking it out of the park every time.) Why do I know this? Because at this point, Stereogum is my favorite music site.

The Harsh Tutelage of Michael McDonald (Raymond Cummings), Tuesday, 10 April 2018 23:45 (one week ago) Permalink

saving country music is a horrible blog

dyl, Wednesday, 11 April 2018 03:54 (one week ago) Permalink

it really is.

maura, Wednesday, 11 April 2018 04:39 (one week ago) Permalink

xxpost thanks Raymond!

alpine static, Wednesday, 11 April 2018 07:18 (one week ago) Permalink

de nada, alpine static

The Harsh Tutelage of Michael McDonald (Raymond Cummings), Wednesday, 11 April 2018 15:19 (one week ago) Permalink

The Saving Country Music guy is just Neill Jameson (Decibel's go-to essayist for incoherent anti-Antifa grumblings and other "defenses" of "keeping" "metal" "dangerous") in a cowboy hat.

grawlix (unperson), Wednesday, 11 April 2018 15:38 (one week ago) Permalink

So Tracey Thorn complained about a review on Twitter:

A 55 year old wife and mother. God the more I think about it the crosser I'm getting. 55 year old husband and father. I'm trying to imagine it as a description in an album review. Nope. Can't do it.

— Tracey Thorn (@tracey_thorn) April 13, 2018

And I figured it was probably just some random UK jagoff. Turns out it was King Jagoff, typing with his dick again:

Tracey Thorn: Record (Merge) Calm, deliberate, undemonstrative, Thorn is a singer some find magical and others prosaic. I've always tended other, but when a 55-year-old wife and mother claims she's recorded "nine feminist bangers," I pay attention.

Is this a "dog walking on its hind legs" situation for him? "She's old and married with a kid...but she says she's a feminist! This is a job for Christgau, The Dean of American Women's Studies Rock Critics!"

In four other songs, decent but fundamentally clueless guys mess with various women's lives, while two others evoke a motherhood you assume is autobiographical

Do you? I don't, any more than I assume George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher has really murdered all those people.

grawlix (unperson), Saturday, 14 April 2018 15:17 (one week ago) Permalink

*face palm*

The Harsh Tutelage of Michael McDonald (Raymond Cummings), Saturday, 14 April 2018 16:20 (one week ago) Permalink

And this one comes exactly one week after his Amy Rigby review. He's on a real roll.

Rigby's response, in part (the whole thing is worth reading):

All I know is that it was fine when he’d conjecture about me as a single mother, my work, my songs, hell even my breasts. It was fine cause I was hungry then – I wanted what ever any critic would say about me as long as it felt sort of like a compliment.

But I don’t feel that way anymore. I don’t want his praise that feels like a put down. I don’t want him talking about me in terms of my first husband who, bless his heart I have not been married to for twenty years. I don’t want him praising while panning and damning my partner, my husband, by saying he’s kept me too busy to do much work on music when he’s done nothing but encourage me to work. I don’t want him dismissing my hardworking husband for taking the easy way and living on the past when he’s done nothing but try to outrun the past.

I don’t want his readers thinking something’s a rave review when it feels hurtful and personal and dismissive.

grawlix (unperson), Saturday, 14 April 2018 16:37 (one week ago) Permalink

I think Christgau’s issue (one of them) often is writing positive reviews that feel like condescending pats on the head and when they’re aimed at women they feel just really paternalistic and the winking asides and mild caveats come off as even insults. And he still can’t write about women without regarding them as equals (he’d say otherwise and then pause to be dazzled by their looks or juggling of the domestic chores with music-making.)

omar little, Saturday, 14 April 2018 16:46 (one week ago) Permalink

Christgau’s reviews seem largely worthless even just on the basic level of talking about the music (never mind the issues discussed above). I’ve never understood why he has such a rep.

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Saturday, 14 April 2018 17:28 (one week ago) Permalink

That Amy Rigby piece is terrific, btw

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Saturday, 14 April 2018 17:37 (one week ago) Permalink

change my comment above to *disregarding them

omar little, Saturday, 14 April 2018 22:07 (one week ago) Permalink

https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1348047913l/341633.jpg

Although Artificial Intelligence's sleeve notes had insisted that the new electronica "cannot be described as soulless or machine made," what's most interesting about Autechre's work is the absence of heart and humanity, the way that the listener's impulse to forge an emotional connection simply ricochet's off the impenetrable, gmonic surfaces of their sound. At times you can't help wonder if the "aut" in their name stands for autism; listening, the mind's eye conjures up a vision of two small boys surrounded by techno toys, lost in a preverbal world of chromatics, texture and contour.

like æ duce says, smell my anvil vapre (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 16 April 2018 14:31 (five days ago) Permalink

20-year-old music criticism in problematic attitudes to autism shocker

Mahogany Loggins (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 16 April 2018 14:43 (five days ago) Permalink

The Impenetrable Gnomic Surfaces is the name of my Autechre tribute band btw.

fleetwood machiavellian (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 16 April 2018 14:54 (five days ago) Permalink

jeezus fucking christ

marcos, Monday, 16 April 2018 14:58 (five days ago) Permalink

This is why I only write for Consumer Reports now

Paul Ponzi, Monday, 16 April 2018 15:08 (five days ago) Permalink

almost certain that it does stand for autism and that sean autechre is proudly autistic

yours, someone w/ mild autism

imago, Monday, 16 April 2018 15:35 (five days ago) Permalink

the only problem with that bit of writing is that autechre DOES contain emotion and feeling, but u neurotypicals don't get it I guess

imago, Monday, 16 April 2018 15:37 (five days ago) Permalink

hold me closer
neurodancer

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 16 April 2018 15:47 (five days ago) Permalink

This Scottish newspaper employs some good arts writers, but its op-ed section is a joke...

http://www.heraldscotland.com/opinion/16169683.Brian_Beacom__Pulitzer_music_prize_judges_deserve_a_rap_on_the_knuckles/

Poor.Old.Tired.Horse. (Stew), Thursday, 19 April 2018 09:34 (two days ago) Permalink

That might be the worst piece of music writing ever.

Eyeball Kicks, Thursday, 19 April 2018 09:58 (two days ago) Permalink

Jesus christ

lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Thursday, 19 April 2018 10:02 (two days ago) Permalink

some excellent Scruton-ising there, it's a load of (c)rap, innit?

calzino, Thursday, 19 April 2018 10:07 (two days ago) Permalink

all I see there is a campaign to give Limmy a Pulitzer, everything else was just padding

thirst trap your hare (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 19 April 2018 10:44 (two days ago) Permalink

I imagine Brian Bee Cum is about to have a slaughter in his menchies

like æ duce says, smell my anvil vapre (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 19 April 2018 12:20 (two days ago) Permalink

High and low culture? Who is right when you recall Bob Dylan’s Nobel Prize for Literature last year, which caused a stooshie. “Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed,” may have acutely summed up man’s sexual imaginations but doesn’t quite compare with Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath.

This is something of a self-own, considering that lyric could literally be a line of Steinbeck dialogue...

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Thursday, 19 April 2018 13:10 (two days ago) Permalink

I'd ask if anyone had any bets on how many previous music Pulitzer winners Beacom has listened to but you can't really bet on a certainty.

No purposes. Sounds. (Sund4r), Thursday, 19 April 2018 18:04 (two days ago) Permalink

https://www.savingcountrymusic.com/album-review-jason-aldeans-rearview-town/

should be easy to see why this review is both poorly written and reprehensible (i don't buy his excuses in the comments.)

omar little, Friday, 20 April 2018 18:55 (yesterday) Permalink

this dude

lowercase (eric), Friday, 20 April 2018 18:58 (yesterday) Permalink

including in some songs these strange feminine (or synthesized) sighs and calls like something you would hear in the soundtrack of a 90’s-era war strategy RPG or 1st-person shooter game

what, like warcraft? is jason aldean going zug-zug

aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 20 April 2018 19:02 (yesterday) Permalink

the zerg queen doing background vocals

mh, Friday, 20 April 2018 19:15 (yesterday) Permalink

best phrase...

Among other fair criticisms...

...in which he critiques his own critique, and judges it to be a good, fair critique.

fact checking cuz, Friday, 20 April 2018 19:26 (yesterday) Permalink

new jason aldean single right here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwWh1xy6gvU

aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 20 April 2018 19:27 (yesterday) Permalink


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