OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (fourteen years ago) link

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (fourteen years ago) link

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (fourteen years ago) link

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (fourteen years ago) link

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (fourteen years ago) link

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (fourteen years ago) link

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (fourteen years ago) link

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (fourteen years ago) link

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (fourteen years ago) link

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (fourteen years ago) link

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (fourteen years ago) link

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (fourteen years ago) link

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (fourteen years ago) link

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (fourteen years ago) link

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (fourteen years ago) link

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (fourteen years ago) link

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (fourteen years ago) link

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (fourteen years ago) link

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (fourteen years ago) link

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (fourteen years ago) link

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (fourteen years ago) link

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (fourteen years ago) link

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (fourteen years ago) link

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (fourteen years ago) link

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (fourteen years ago) link

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (fourteen years ago) link

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (fourteen years ago) link

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (fourteen years ago) link

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (fourteen years ago) link

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (fourteen years ago) link

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (fourteen years ago) link

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (fourteen years ago) link

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (fourteen years ago) link

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (fourteen years ago) link

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (fourteen years ago) link

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (fourteen years ago) link

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (fourteen years ago) link

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (fourteen years ago) link

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (fourteen years ago) link

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (fourteen years ago) link

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (fourteen years ago) link

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (fourteen years ago) link

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (fourteen years ago) link

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (fourteen years ago) link

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (fourteen years ago) link

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (fourteen years ago) link

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (fourteen years ago) link

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (fourteen years ago) link

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (fourteen years ago) link

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (fourteen years ago) link

hahaha

in twelve parts (lamonti), Wednesday, 7 October 2020 07:32 (eleven months ago) link

was that written by billy eilish?

in twelve parts (lamonti), Wednesday, 7 October 2020 07:32 (eleven months ago) link

Entirely correct though.

chap, Wednesday, 7 October 2020 21:01 (eleven months ago) link

From Scaruffi

(I capitalized all the song titles because Autechre's lower-case habit is misleading. It may lead to confuse the music with the design: the lower-case titles are part of the design, and the design has indeed remained high-class; but that doesn't translate into an appreciation of the music, although one could claim that the "content" includes both the design and the music).

Yes, I understand things better now that the titles are capitalized!

Pataphysician, Friday, 16 October 2020 03:12 (eleven months ago) link

one month passes...

May 5, 2011
By Pat Prince

Phil 'Fang' Volk, known as the spirited bass player for Paul Revere & The Raiders, has independently released a cover of Bob Dylan's enormously popular hit "The Times They Are a-Changin'" as a single.

The rendition is electric and hard-driving (what else would you expect from a rock 'n' roll bassist?) as the times we now live in. Volk adds a bit of 2011 to a timeless classic. Nothing can beat the Dylan original, but this energetic take adds to a message with a raw John Mellencamp-ish flair.

With this release, Volk wanted to make a statement about, what he calls, a "planet in transition."

As notes to the single, Volk writes "A SONG FOR A WORLD IN TURMOIL. Never before has humanity teetered with such instability, facing a future with incredible fear & uncertainty." Volk sees this as a "battle cry" for all those who stand ready to see things change for the better. Coincidentally, Volk released the CD on May 1, the same day that Osama Bin Laden, a proponent of such fear, was declared dead.

down like 6:30 (morrisp), Wednesday, 18 November 2020 21:05 (ten months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Oranssi Pazuzu: you have prepared yourself for the rise of the Master and shall welcome him with open arms

imago, Thursday, 3 December 2020 21:01 (nine months ago) link

one month passes...

https://beatsperminute.com/album-review-playboi-carti-whole-lotta-red/

ufo, Friday, 8 January 2021 08:33 (eight months ago) link

that Carti review in interminable while providing little actual content

husked, tonal wails (irrational), Friday, 8 January 2021 15:44 (eight months ago) link

one month passes...

There are valid arguments to be made for Autotune. They are not found here: https://popternative.com/music/getting-rid-of-the-stigma-that-surrounds-autotune/

to party with our demons (Sund4r), Sunday, 21 February 2021 22:36 (six months ago) link

Aside from the utter confusion about music history, every argument in that article goes exactly against the thesis statement.

Halfway there but for you, Sunday, 21 February 2021 23:41 (six months ago) link

Yeah, it's so incoherent I'm almost not sure how to even start arguing against it.

to party with our demons (Sund4r), Monday, 22 February 2021 02:42 (six months ago) link

three months pass...

The moments of this have probably gone by, but this is nevertheless the stupidest review I've seen in years.

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/st-vincent-daddys-home/

It presents the point of the whole fucking album as arguing for childlessness or something. Peyton Thomas gives this argument 6.7.

Eyeball Kicks, Saturday, 29 May 2021 02:00 (three months ago) link

It’s odd, for example, that two songs on the album refer to calling “the cops,” or 911, in light of the past year’s uprisings against police brutality.

Docked points for snitching

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Saturday, 29 May 2021 17:25 (three months ago) link

Calling 911 because you have a medical emergency makes you a Karen

bruce spr!ngisH3r3 (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 29 May 2021 17:42 (three months ago) link


[Verse 1]
9-1-1 (9-1-1, what's your emergency?)
I'm in love (I see, so how can I help you?)

Wow, do better, St. Vincent

bruce spr!ngisH3r3 (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 29 May 2021 17:49 (three months ago) link

Fwiw, here’s the other lyric being referenced:

Hello
Do you know where you are?
You've been out cold
We almost called the cops
Don't get up
Can you count to ten?
Oh, boy, you're so lucky we found you when we did

like a d4mn sociopath! (morrisp), Saturday, 29 May 2021 17:54 (three months ago) link

scandalous

Paul Ponzi, Saturday, 29 May 2021 20:22 (three months ago) link

The writer’s oeuvre is full of bangers:

The audible crosswalk signals Jordan samples were developed to make life easier for visually impaired pedestrians. But they benefit everyone, adding clarity, joy, and a little music to busy urban journeys. (Recently, while I was waiting at an intersection, a mechanical voice pronounced “Wait”; I turned to my boyfriend and sang, “They don’t love you like I love you.”)

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Saturday, 29 May 2021 23:36 (three months ago) link

I like that

bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Saturday, 29 May 2021 23:41 (three months ago) link

It kind of strikes me as the NPR/podcast voice turned to music criticism

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Saturday, 29 May 2021 23:48 (three months ago) link

I thought his Zooropa piece was good (even if not quite my bag).

like a d4mn sociopath! (morrisp), Sunday, 30 May 2021 00:39 (three months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Not going to link to The Federalist for obvious reasons, but the 22 year-old daughter of Rachel from The Real World: San Fransisco and Sean from The Real World: Boston wrote an unresearched, openly racist hit piece about country artist Mickey Guyton. Among her claims is that corporate country radio is "shoving Guyton down listeners throats"... despite the fact that Guyton's had exactly one top 40 hit at country radio, back in 2015.

jon_oh, Monday, 21 June 2021 12:51 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

Not the worst piece of music writing ever I guess, but should the Guardian really be publishing these wide-eyed fanzine-level scribblings?

yellow magic orchestral manoeuvres in the park (Matt #2), Saturday, 24 July 2021 20:41 (one month ago) link

if you say "not the worst" and also don't add a link, don't expect me to go to the Guardian to sniff around to find out wtf you're talking about

self-clowning oven (Murgatroid), Saturday, 24 July 2021 21:48 (one month ago) link

This doesn't even really count as "music writing" or even "writing," (may even be algorithm generated) but I had to put it somewhere
https://www.tvguidetime.com/singer/billy-strings-height-age-who-girlfriend-biography-wiki-net-worth-18716.html

Billy String is a well known artist and musician from Michigan. The white person is one of the best nation vocalists in the United States in the present date. In 2017, Rolling Stone highlighted Billy Strings in the rundown of the ‘Main 10 Country Singers’.

Brought up in a modest community in Michigan, Billy was profoundly impacted by down home music. He picked his first guitar while he was only 4 years of age.

Discover some intriguing realities about the nation performer, Billy Strings here.

Billy Strings is a famous nation performer, vocalist, and lyricist from the United States. He is a tremendous aficionado of blue grass music and grew up tuning in to jazz tunes. In addition, Billy is likewise a guitarist.

Billy received music as his full-time calling subsequent to dropping out of secondary school. He moved to Traverse City during his high school years, where he found a guide in veteran performer Don Julin.

Billy delivered his introduction LP named Turmoil and Tinfoil on September 22, 2016.

Name Billy Strings
Birthday October 3
Age 27 years old
Gender Male
Height 5 feet & 9 inch
Weight 62 kg
Nationality American
Ethnicity White
Profession Singer/ Songwriter
Net Worth $4 million
Married/Single Single
Instagram billystrings
Twitter @bstrings1
Youtube Billy Strings
Born in the year 1992, Strings praises his birthday on the third of October. He is at present 27 years of age. His sun sign is Libra.

Billy Strings was born in Michigan, the United States, so he is an American national. His ethnicity is white.

Billy was raised by his mom and step-father. His natural dad wasn’t close to him since he was a kid. Billy adores his stepfather Terry Barber. Terry is a beginner country picker.

The white person stands 5 feet and 9 inches tall. Additionally, he weighs 62 kg. His hair shading is earthy colored and has dim hued eyes.

Billy Strings is a school drop out. His genuine name is William Apostol.

As an expert vocalist for a couple of years at this point, Billy may have aggregated better than average total assets. Shockingly, the insights regarding his profit and total assets are not distributed.

You can follow Billy Strings on Instagram and Twitter.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Sunday, 1 August 2021 03:04 (one month ago) link

That sounds (poorly) translated from another language

Paul Ponzi, Sunday, 1 August 2021 09:03 (one month ago) link

computer-translated probably, “nation” for “country” and “beginner” for “amateur” are giveaways

tean mean poleand cheaseang theas means hamseak feasts (breastcrawl), Sunday, 1 August 2021 10:08 (one month ago) link

computer suspiciously interested in ethnicity, but that's how they're all programmed amirite

mark s, Sunday, 1 August 2021 11:14 (one month ago) link

The algorithm missed that his BMI works out as impressive 20.2 .

Luna Schlosser, Sunday, 1 August 2021 13:23 (one month ago) link

I mean: https://www.theverge.com/2016/3/24/11297050/tay-microsoft-chatbot-racist

xp

pomenitul, Sunday, 1 August 2021 14:11 (one month ago) link

Billy Strings beginner with dick. Billy String big house Traverse City nation.

heyy nineteen, that's john belushi (the table is the table), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 13:53 (one month ago) link

Tired of writers, all writers, using the term "banger."

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 3 August 2021 16:35 (one month ago) link

Also, "slaps," "slays," "bop."

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 9 August 2021 18:56 (one month ago) link

Tired of writers, all writers, using the term "banger."

Hear hear. They should just use "sausage."

biz markie post malone (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 10 August 2021 10:44 (one month ago) link

all these words are entirely fine, plz don't let this never-exactly-great thread decline into the always awful "words and phrases" thread

mark s, Tuesday, 10 August 2021 11:09 (one month ago) link

I'd be cool with reviews using "sausage."

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 10 August 2021 13:04 (one month ago) link

you want people to write reviews with their penis?

there's too much fucking shit on me (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 10 August 2021 13:53 (one month ago) link

he said sausage, not sauseeg.

peace, man, Tuesday, 10 August 2021 14:30 (one month ago) link

My sausage slaps!

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 10 August 2021 14:31 (one month ago) link

mine's a banger

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, 10 August 2021 14:34 (one month ago) link

bangers 'n' smash

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 10 August 2021 14:35 (one month ago) link

Sausage Slaps is a great name for a band.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 10 August 2021 14:36 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

Don’t know where to put this, but it’s amusing to me that this article refers to Megan Thee Stallion as “Stallion” on second reference.

Shallot Shortage 2021 (morrisp), Wednesday, 25 August 2021 04:03 (three weeks ago) link

lol that is very funny.

heyy nineteen, that's john belushi (the table is the table), Sunday, 29 August 2021 21:13 (three weeks ago) link

"Mr Vert"

Film not music but please enjoy this sentence with me

"Despite the film’s compact running time of just more than 80 minutes, some of these scenes drag out and never quite arrive at a level of depth and originality a filmmaker like Miranda July, whose distinct style the film brings to mind, possesses with her one-of-a-kind voice."

https://variety.com/2021/film/reviews/how-it-ends-review-1234896131/

Guayaquil (eephus!), Sunday, 5 September 2021 17:00 (two weeks ago) link

OOf, that's bad.

Kind regards, Anus (the table is the table), Tuesday, 7 September 2021 18:51 (one week ago) link

that distinctive style is possessing a compact running time


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