OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (eleven years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (eleven years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (eleven years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (eleven years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (eleven years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (eleven years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (eleven years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (eleven years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (eleven years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (eleven years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (eleven years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (eleven years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (eleven years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (eleven years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (eleven years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (eleven years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (eleven years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (eleven years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (eleven years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (eleven years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (eleven years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (eleven years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (eleven years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (eleven years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (eleven years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (eleven years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (eleven years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Well obviously no but I'm a nihilist maybe

Brex Avery (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 13:19 (one week ago) Permalink

not that i don't appreciate the irony of filling space with an article about slowcore, a space-filled form of music

Calgary customer Elvis Cavalic (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 13:20 (one week ago) Permalink

By far the most recent release included in this guide, and our very own Album of the Year for 2018, Low’s latest work is definitely too close to see, but even considering the blinders of distance it is quite possibly their best work to date, and that can’t be understated

RLY makes u think

Calgary customer Elvis Cavalic (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 13:21 (one week ago) Permalink

Maybe it’s not their best. I mean, I’m not really sure how someone could compare this to I Could Live In Hope or Things We Lost in the Fire; it seems like an immensely pointless task of comparing apples to oranges, or pecans to pelicans. But it’s not so different from Low’s previous work that it’s unrecognizable. Strangely enough, it feels quite the opposite, it’s strangeness and conflict the most obvious possible extension from the band’s past.

reading this part burst a blood vessel in my left eye

Calgary customer Elvis Cavalic (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 13:22 (one week ago) Permalink

the "it's" made me burst a blood vessel, i know i shouldn't care when the writing is this bad but i still do

The Elvis of Nationalism and Amoral Patriotism (rushomancy), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 14:32 (one week ago) Permalink

this isn't "worst music writing" so much as "worst idea for study," but I cannot think of a SINGLE confounding variable here:

Several years ago, Chris Johnson, an audio software developer, tested a theory, espoused by some anti-loudness war activists, that the hyper-compression roiling the industry was partially to blame for shortened careers. Using a list of all-time best-selling recordings, he rearranged them by “commercial importance,” assigning each a score derived by multiplying an album’s number of platinum certifications (how many millions sold) by the number of years it had been on the market. These were records that were not merely popular — they also displayed longevity.

theorizing your yells (katherine), Thursday, 7 February 2019 17:20 (one week ago) Permalink

(that isn't even sarcasm -- I can't think of a single confounding variable because they're more like a rat king of them)

(also this is an unpopular opinion, probably, but the proper level of loudness for an Eagles record is silent)

theorizing your yells (katherine), Thursday, 7 February 2019 17:21 (one week ago) Permalink

I barely made it through the FIVE commas in that first sentence.

Plinka Trinka Banga Tink (Eliza D.), Thursday, 7 February 2019 17:32 (one week ago) Permalink

lol/+1 @ both comments above

i stan corrected (morrisp), Thursday, 7 February 2019 17:36 (one week ago) Permalink

to be clear this is not about the writing -- some of the commas can be eliminated with line editing, but the reason this is here is because there isn't a thread (but should be) for "terrible studies that set out to confirm one's beliefs about music sucking these days, at the expense of facts or the scientific method."

(also, I should note that Greg, the author of the piece, points out in his book some of the study's flaws, such as how asinine the "multiply by the years on the market" thing is)

theorizing your yells (katherine), Thursday, 7 February 2019 17:36 (one week ago) Permalink

for those unclear what's being talked about (I was):
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/07/opinion/what-these-grammy-songs-tell-us-about-the-loudness-wars.html

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Thursday, 7 February 2019 21:14 (one week ago) Permalink

the proper level of loudness for an Eagles record is silent)

― theorizing your yells (katherine), Thursday, February 7, 2019 11:21 AM (three hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol, always love a good eagles zing

budo jeru, Thursday, 7 February 2019 21:17 (one week ago) Permalink

While the Elton John piano catches your ear during “Absentee,” Sam Griffin Owens’ sax warbles down in the mix, a class clown whose mischief makes the day’s lesson more fun for everyone, teacher included.

good heavens

Paul Ponzi, Sunday, 10 February 2019 00:05 (one week ago) Permalink

Grammys 2019 Hits a New Low Note

They call it Music’s Biggest Night.

Is there actually one single person out there who still believes that’s true?

The 2019 Grammy telecast was a neon-colored-chalk outline around a Xerox of the Google entry for American Idol, an over-staged infomercial for the instant gratification of the Spotify era and a shallow exercise in collective guilt.

...

What is music to you? To your heart? To your life?

Maybe it is this: Ecstasy and repetition. Identity and release. Music is the electric connection between your buzzing, happy, elated head and the starry dynamo in the machinery of night. Music is the way your heart thumps when the kick drum pushes the air of the old theatre. Music is your connection with the primeval memory of the rhythm of sweatshops and plantations, the high sigh of shtetl weddings, and the sand dances of Saharan ceremony.

Music is memory: Playground chants and first-love stares; tenth grade stargazing and skating on beer slick in sophomore dorm basement parties; evenings spent watching bleached-blonde-dyed Brits scratching the air and climbing imaginary ladders in smoky, blue-lit old vaudeville halls; nights passed sharing stale air with shimmering, sibilant, shrieking cowpunk Canadians in narrow booze cans in the gray hours before dawn; mornings spent mummified in sheets waiting for the record store to open. Music is that song in the car on the way home from Hebrew school, that song bursting into your ears on the 7 train on the way to your new job. Music is the mnemonics of melody, ecstasy and repetition, identity and release.

...

The Grammy show had nothing to do with the joy you felt when your son or daughter discovered the Small Faces or Stone Temple Pilots entirely on their own, or when you saw the smile on your elderly father’s face as he lay in his last hospital bed and thought about the Ink Spots. The Grammy telecast was as representative of your relationship with music as a crowd chanting “U-S-A” at a sporting event is representative of the American poetry of Martin Luther King, Huey Long, Carl Sandburg, or Abraham Lincoln.

He keeps digging.

grawlix (unperson), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 14:34 (one week ago) Permalink

god the thought of my daughter discovering stone temple pilots is too awful to contemplate tbh

a surprise challenge that ended with a gunging (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 14:43 (one week ago) Permalink

huey long?

the scientology of mountains (rushomancy), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 14:44 (one week ago) Permalink

he was the singer in the fun lovin' criminals iirc

a surprise challenge that ended with a gunging (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 14:45 (one week ago) Permalink

He must have meant Huey Lewis

tylerw, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 14:46 (one week ago) Permalink

i know who huey long is. i just am surprised that lefsetz (this is lefsetz, right?) is postulating huey long as an alternative to american populist jingoism.

the scientology of mountains (rushomancy), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:12 (one week ago) Permalink

(this is lefsetz, right?)

Close; it's this guy.

grawlix (unperson), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:37 (one week ago) Permalink

I wonder what Canadian cowpunk band he's talking about

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:45 (one week ago) Permalink

why would you read cultural criticism from an offshoot of "a Chicago-based political news and polling data aggregator formed in 2000 by former options trader John McIntyre and former advertising agency account executive Tom Bevan"

maura, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:45 (one week ago) Permalink

Patrick Stack of Time magazine has described the site's commentary section as "right-leaning".[17] The site has been described as being run by conservatives, and containing "opinion pieces from multiple media sources".[18] In 2009 RealClearPolitics was described as a weblog "in the conservative pantheon" by Richard Davis.[19][20]

In an interview with the conservative magazine Human Events, McIntyre described the philosophy behind the Web site as based on "freedom" and "common-sense values". Said Bevan, "We think debate on the issues is a very important thing. We post a variety of opinions". He further stated, "we have a frustration all conservatives have", which is "the bias in media against conservatives, religious conservatives, (and) Christian conservatives."

so... yeah

maura, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:46 (one week ago) Permalink

it's garbage because it's supposed to be garbage.

maura, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:46 (one week ago) Permalink

That dude's background does not scream "right-wing crank" to me.

grawlix (unperson), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:47 (one week ago) Permalink

yes, how did a rich white guy who also wrote for the ken kurson-era observer fall in with those types

maura, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:48 (one week ago) Permalink

I was gonna say — the closing bit of that excerpt above (bad as it all is) deviates a little from what my expectations might have been, based on that site description.

yuh yuh (morrisp), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 15:50 (one week ago) Permalink

He was also involved in the early careers of both the Beastie Boys and Kara's Flowers, producing three tracks for the latter in the summer of 2000, shortly before the group changed their name to Maroon 5.

We were never Breeting Borting (President Keyes), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 16:03 (one week ago) Permalink

Sommer was the inspiration for the lyrics of the Sonic Youth song "Kill Yr Idols", in which Moore questioned his friend Sommer's respect for Christgau.

enochroot, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 16:23 (one week ago) Permalink

By the way, rock’n’roll is an attitude, a state of mind, a way of holding your heart and squeezing your feelings. I hear rock’n’roll in the glassine gasps of Pink Floyd and in the starlight and chimes of Japanese ambient music. I hear rock’nroll in the urgency and neurotic brilliance of Glenn Gould, in the post-Atomic buzz of Tony Conrad, and in the overhead wire hum of La Monte Young. I hear rock’n’roll in the gnashed, gnawed flaming beauty of Tribe Called Quest. I even hear rock’n’roll in the soul and stare of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Rock’n’roll, you see, is the beautiful bucket of paint and blood, sugar and empathy, seduction and tears that we throw at the walls of our high school, the walls of our workplace, the wall of Valentines’ Day cards at CVS, the walls of our the brutalist gyms and city halls where we vote.

omar little, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 16:46 (one week ago) Permalink

i'd hate to be the cleaning staff where he works

Number None, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 17:12 (one week ago) Permalink

They want the gnashed, gnawed flaming beauty of A Tribe Called Quest/
But they've got left is this guy called West.

We were never Breeting Borting (President Keyes), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 17:18 (one week ago) Permalink

and Rock 'n' Roll / in the soul / of Ocasio-Cortez

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 18:43 (one week ago) Permalink

RE: Sommer Hugo Largo is a fucking fantastic band

I've never gotten the idea he's right wing? I dunno.....He cashed out as the A&R who discovered Hootie & The Blowfish

was always a welcome b-list MTV personality in my aspiring indie days

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mfa6n7IH4NU

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 18:48 (one week ago) Permalink

yeah, Hugo Largo is awesome

Paul Ponzi, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 18:53 (one week ago) Permalink

I found that first hugo largo record in the dollar bin and never could get into it -- sounded to me like Edie Brickell doing a Cocteau Twins covers album.

enochroot, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 19:29 (one week ago) Permalink

yeah it is pretty cool

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 19:45 (one week ago) Permalink

guys i hate to break it to you but indie rock dudes can grow up and have if not nazi mouth breather attitudes at least enough comfort with the status quo to slide to their right

maura, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 22:07 (one week ago) Permalink

maura

my illusions

why must you shatter them

j., Tuesday, 12 February 2019 22:10 (one week ago) Permalink

sorry man i’m all about breaking hearts these days

maura, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 22:11 (one week ago) Permalink

kurt loder being a libertarian reason mag dude broke me heart :(

speaking of ex mtv folks

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 12 February 2019 23:10 (one week ago) Permalink

baffler’s two plus decades on kurson piece is still worth reading
https://thebaffler.com/salvos/three-scenes-from-a-bull-market

maura, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 23:11 (one week ago) Permalink

"Sommer was the bass player for the slowcore/dreampop band Hugo Largo.[4]"

ok wikipedia like two paragraphs down you point out that hugo largo had TWO bass players, where does this shit about him being "THE" bass player come from

the scientology of mountains (rushomancy), Wednesday, 13 February 2019 00:49 (six days ago) Permalink

i don't give two shits about his links to the intellectual dark web or whatever the fuck and i'm not going to burn my hugo largo record (at least not until after i burn my copy of "it's heavy in here"), mostly i'm just appalled that anybody finds lefsetz's writing style worth copying

the scientology of mountains (rushomancy), Wednesday, 13 February 2019 00:51 (six days ago) Permalink

Closest comparison i can make to the Sommer piece is Homer Simpson's Grand Funk Railroad monologue.

omar little, Wednesday, 13 February 2019 01:05 (six days ago) Permalink

Sommer has fulminated in his column against President Diarrhea, and yet he continues to associate with Ken Kurson, who remains in the Trump fold…

veronica moser, Wednesday, 13 February 2019 01:18 (six days ago) Permalink

wasn't sure whether to put this in the nat'l review thread or here, but it's a real gem

https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/02/why-is-lin-manuel-miranda-throwing-away-his-shot/

she carries a torch. two torches, actually (Joan Crawford Loves Chachi), Wednesday, 13 February 2019 12:34 (six days ago) Permalink

oh lord that url

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 13 February 2019 13:23 (six days ago) Permalink

u_u

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 13 February 2019 15:09 (six days ago) Permalink

i was gonna excelsior that pure omar parody ('glassine gasps of Pink Floyd') until i noticed it was real

mookieproof, Wednesday, 13 February 2019 16:52 (six days ago) Permalink


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