OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (ten years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (ten years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (ten years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (ten years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (ten years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (ten years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (ten years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (ten years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (ten years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (ten years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (ten years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (ten years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (ten years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (ten years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (ten years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (ten years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (ten years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (ten years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (ten years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (ten years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (ten years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (ten years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (ten years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (ten years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (ten years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (ten years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (ten years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (ten years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (ten years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (ten years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (ten years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (ten years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (ten years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (ten years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (ten years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (ten years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (ten years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (ten years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (ten years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (ten years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (ten years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (ten years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (ten years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (ten years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (ten years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (ten years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (ten years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (ten years ago) Permalink

The other day, I spent 75 minutes at a coffee shop and heard, one after the other, the Doors, Radiohead and Elvis Costello.

lasted 74 minutes longer than I would've

The Walter Mittyville Horror (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:22 (one week ago) Permalink

The other day, I spent 75 minutes at a coffee shop

The saddest 11 words I've read all year, maybe.

grawlix (unperson), Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:25 (one week ago) Permalink

it's hard when you're trying to stay sober

The Walter Mittyville Horror (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:26 (one week ago) Permalink

I write a scathing Yelp review if I spend more than 5 minutes in a coffee shop without hearing Tribe 8's "Neanderthal Dyke" playing at deafening volumes

Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:30 (one week ago) Permalink

what kind of new york does he live in where people eat hoagies???? IT'S CALLED A HERO

maura, Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:38 (one week ago) Permalink

anyway ban all critical writing that uses 'we' as a rhetorical framework, because it ALWAYS lands poorly

maura, Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:39 (one week ago) Permalink

yes^

marcos, Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:39 (one week ago) Permalink

xxp

Morris grew up in Philadelphia. He attended high school at Girard College in 1993, graduating in 1993.[5] While a high school student, he wrote for the Philadelphia Inquirer's teen supplement, "Yo! Fresh Ink."[6]

Mordy, Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:47 (one week ago) Permalink

anyway ban all critical writing that uses 'we' as a rhetorical framework, because it ALWAYS lands poorly

Yep; I've been saying this for years.

grawlix (unperson), Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:53 (one week ago) Permalink

we agree then

j., Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:55 (one week ago) Permalink

I sometimes spend three hours grading, writing, and reading at a Starbucks on weekends, but I killed the barista and his Elvis Costello playlist three years ago.

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:57 (one week ago) Permalink

the spurlockesque stunt of listening to women

sick, fucking funny, and well tasty (katherine), Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:58 (one week ago) Permalink

fetishize this

Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:58 (one week ago) Permalink

fuck, i fucked up the joke

Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:58 (one week ago) Permalink

fetishize me

Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 5 October 2017 15:59 (one week ago) Permalink

If the Scorpions’ “Wind of Change” comes on while I’m waiting for a hoagie, I’m not going to riot. I’ll just stand there in a state of stupid happiness while I sing the whole song and mime the whistle parts.

nomar, Thursday, 5 October 2017 16:00 (one week ago) Permalink

oh god I know this guy

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 5 October 2017 16:02 (one week ago) Permalink

he also yells PUMP IT UP and mimes the organ part

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 5 October 2017 16:02 (one week ago) Permalink

also as someone who spends... significantly more than 75 minutes a day at coffee shops (my home wi-fi is beyond shitty), I don't remember a single playlist with no women.

sick, fucking funny, and well tasty (katherine), Thursday, 5 October 2017 16:06 (one week ago) Permalink

maybe he actually hangs out at a Subway because its the only place where he can get a sandwich that reminds him of his beloved hoagies from Wawa and he's too embarrassed to mention it. #yophilly

scott seward, Thursday, 5 October 2017 16:28 (one week ago) Permalink

also as someone who spends... significantly more than 75 minutes a day at coffee shops (my home wi-fi is beyond shitty), I don't remember a single playlist with no women.

i believe if you're from philly you can order a "playlist with" or a "playlist without."

fact checking cuz, Thursday, 5 October 2017 17:24 (one week ago) Permalink

HEY I'M PONTIFICATIN' HEAH

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Thursday, 5 October 2017 17:43 (one week ago) Permalink

I'm at coffee shop now, and it's blasting Sky Ferreira's "You're Not the One."

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 5 October 2017 17:58 (one week ago) Permalink

coffee is called "joe," a man's name, makes you think.

Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 5 October 2017 17:59 (one week ago) Permalink

you never watched "Facts of Life" did you

morning wood truancy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 5 October 2017 18:01 (one week ago) Permalink

Central Perk was pretty woke,as they only had one performer, Phoebe

Universal LULU Nation (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 5 October 2017 18:36 (one week ago) Permalink

Central Perk was run by a stalker though....

scott seward, Thursday, 5 October 2017 18:41 (one week ago) Permalink

Affectionately; the band is known as DeMode, or simply DM by their hardcore fans. Dave Gahan is the band’s front-man, Martin Gore is on guitar / keys, and Andy Fletcher is on keys, and these cats continue to amaze with their infectious sound and soul-piercing lyrics.

nomar, Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:15 (six days ago) Permalink

"front-man" reminds me of

http://www.9e3k.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Batman-Begins-GIF-07.gif

nomar, Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:15 (six days ago) Permalink

As for the name, it’s been said the name was taken from a French fashion magazine, Dépêche mode. It means hurried fashion or fashion dispatch, or something along those lines. It was 1981, and with a name secured, and music set to hit the street, DM’s first album was Speak & Spell. It came out at the perfect moment to be caught up in the fledgling new-wave music genre. Their freshman debut featured songs “New Life” and “Dreaming of Me”, but what set them off into the new-wave stratosphere was a song called “Just Can’t Get Enough”. Truthfully, the kids couldn’t get enough of this British new-wave power band.

http://employerlinc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/HCR-Deadline-Looming.jpg

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:16 (six days ago) Permalink

I feel like there's there's some punchline to this entire piece that I'm not getting

sic And Mordy’s worst fans don’t deserve sic And Mordy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:17 (six days ago) Permalink

Also noteworthy, DM recently received a nomination for the 2017 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Truth is, they’ve received just about every award you can imagine, except a Grammy, and that’s a travesty. That’s another story for another day.

ToddBonzalez (BradNelson), Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:20 (six days ago) Permalink

I am certain that this is an intentional stylistic choice and I am also certain that unless the intent was to troll fans, no one who actually wants to read about Depeche Mode will understand or appreciate said intentional stylistic choice.

Marcus Hiles Remains Steadfast About Planting Trees.jpg (DJP), Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:22 (six days ago) Permalink

the dude is a local radio personality and not a music writer, so cool your jets, everyone

sic And Mordy’s worst fans don’t deserve sic And Mordy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:30 (six days ago) Permalink

so this is meant to be read aloud

ToddBonzalez (BradNelson), Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:50 (six days ago) Permalink

lol

Marcus Hiles Remains Steadfast About Planting Trees.jpg (DJP), Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:51 (six days ago) Permalink

Busta Rhymes & the DeMode Squad

Universal LULU Nation (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 12 October 2017 18:57 (six days ago) Permalink

Truly, today's kids were not ready for this local radio personality's fledgeling foray into the digital music scribe scene.

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 12 October 2017 19:47 (six days ago) Permalink

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/music-review-stargazing-for-beginners-dazzling_us_59d6634ce4b0666ad0c3cb75

...Sparkling guitar accents bring luminosity to the cogent resonance. “In A Past Life” exudes a new wave electro pop feel set in a prog rock matrix. The measured melody rumbles with deep tones. And Scott’s voice assumes a high-pitched sonority full of texture and undulating filaments.

The melody is minimal but heavy with vivacity flowing from Scott’s mellow voice. “Bodies” begins with a So-Cal intro segueing to a gleaming progressive rock melody. Restrained guitars provide lustrous mists of evocative intensity.

The title track delivers a quasi-psychedelic aroma within a prog rock melody. The melody oozes dark, heavy rhythms beneath soft, pale vocals juxtaposed against the liquid flow of random darkness. The tune discharges shadows blacker than black, along with a dank mysterious quality. It’s a great song.

...The bassline is stellar and palpable.... Poole’s guitar projects a raffish aroma that’s urgent and infectious... An aromatic guitar pours forth gracefully... The solo is chock-full of suffused sonic pigmentations, along with a bravura guitar.

early rejecter, Thursday, 12 October 2017 20:35 (six days ago) Permalink

just smell that guitar

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Thursday, 12 October 2017 20:38 (six days ago) Permalink

those lustrous mists of guitar are quite aromatic

Universal LULU Nation (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 12 October 2017 20:59 (six days ago) Permalink

in a weird way though i almost have to hear this album now so job done i guess?

Universal LULU Nation (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Thursday, 12 October 2017 20:59 (six days ago) Permalink

“Bodies” begins with a So-Cal intro

It says so much.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 12 October 2017 21:06 (six days ago) Permalink

progressive rock clot

dinnerboat, Thursday, 12 October 2017 21:22 (six days ago) Permalink

At least this person is trying to describe what the music sounds like!!

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 12 October 2017 21:31 (six days ago) Permalink

sounds, looks, AND smells

Marcus Hiles Remains Steadfast About Planting Trees.jpg (DJP), Thursday, 12 October 2017 21:31 (six days ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkDLsq9lzsk

getting hints of oak, barnyard and overzealous press release

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Thursday, 12 October 2017 21:38 (six days ago) Permalink

"the lambent bass discharged sleek tunnels of fatty overdrive - and it was everything!"

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 12 October 2017 21:44 (six days ago) Permalink


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