OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (8 years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (8 years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (8 years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (8 years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (8 years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (8 years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (8 years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (8 years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (8 years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (8 years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (8 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (8 years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (8 years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (8 years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (8 years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (8 years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (8 years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (8 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (8 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (8 years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (8 years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (8 years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (8 years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (8 years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (8 years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (8 years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (8 years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (8 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (8 years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (8 years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (8 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (8 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

Scientists say that punk was not ‘a revolution’ in music, and much as I admire science for its ceaseless exploration of the boundaries of understanding, in this case scientists have got it wrong

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 17 July 2015 14:11 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

finally a thinkpiece about punk

This is for my new ringpiece, so please only serious answers (Noodle Vague), Friday, 17 July 2015 14:12 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

with all due respect, science

j., Friday, 17 July 2015 14:14 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

a sentence worthy of David Brooks.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 17 July 2015 14:15 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i beg to differ, science

j., Friday, 17 July 2015 14:15 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Guys. Remember the legendary 'was the drummer for Gay Dad' essay?

Per Mike Daddino on Twitter, turns out the author of this piece was the bassist for Bloc Party.

NOT KIDDING.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 17 July 2015 15:28 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

if there's a rock'n'roll thinkpiece heaven, they must have an ok band

Most Scientifically Beautiful Face (President Keyes), Friday, 17 July 2015 15:34 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

LOL i want to see that lab w scientists in lab coats handling The Ramones first album.

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 17 July 2015 16:16 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 17 July 2015 17:07 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

What is that from? It looks familiar.

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 17 July 2015 18:06 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

rock n roll high school

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 18:26 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Freshman profundity. Something tells me we're going to see a lot more Cuepoint in this thread from now on.

Adam J Duncan, Saturday, 18 July 2015 02:07 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

http://whyideletedyourpromoemail.tumblr.com/

pretty lolzy

davey, Thursday, 23 July 2015 19:39 (1 week ago) Permalink

^not as good as ned's fbook feed

D-30 (gr8080), Thursday, 23 July 2015 20:54 (1 week ago) Permalink

i thought ned was just moonlighting

j., Thursday, 23 July 2015 20:57 (1 week ago) Permalink

After we broke up, I started record- ing new songs on my own. Filtering them through Crass, the Oblivians, and classic guitar riff-rock like Ted Nugent’s ‘Cat Scratch Fever’ and Foreigner’s ‘Juke Box Hero,’ they took on a similar feel to what I was after.

based on that description I'd prolly give this a shot

Hector Ringtone (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 23 July 2015 21:27 (1 week ago) Permalink

It's the one coherent bit in the whole feed. (And no, not my tumblr -- but it IS a friend of an ILXor.)

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 23 July 2015 22:14 (1 week ago) Permalink

http://www.vulture.com/2015/07/all-74-led-zeppelin-songs-ranked.html

i no doubt committed some of the same sins as a callow young rockwriter but holy shit, this just may be the worst piece of music writing ever. led zep song by song with more ad hominem attacks, sneering self-righteous moral judgements, cloth-eared musical analysis, wooden prose, unsupported assertions and just plain rong opinions. sure "counterintuitive" arguments are a big part of the clickbait strategy these days but a lot of this just feels contrary and calculated. written like a stunted clone of christgau & derogatis. ugh.

got the club going UP on a tuesday (m coleman), Thursday, 30 July 2015 20:53 (2 days ago) Permalink

Looks like the Stones get off tour and dude has too much time on his hands

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 30 July 2015 20:54 (2 days ago) Permalink

Off topic slightly, but "Hots On For Nowhere" (#72 out of 74) is one of the few Led Zeppelin songs I actively like. Meanwhile, "Hot Dog" is #28. Was this randomly generated?

mike a, Thursday, 30 July 2015 21:24 (2 days ago) Permalink

uh, as I'm sure that both Whiney and MC know, that guy has been around forever and does seem to be possessed of particular variety of midwestern, Dero-reminiscent smug jackassery, but he hacks it out more baldfaced-ly than dero. It takes a lot for me to side with albini, who reps a a lot of midwestern quasi-puritanism himself, but his putdown of Wyman was really funny.

whiney: do you like Jidenna "Classic Man"? do you like "whip/nae nae""?

veronica moser, Thursday, 30 July 2015 22:09 (2 days ago) Permalink

on first glance I didn't think the Zep list was that terrible other than the remarks about Bonham (who cares) and Plant's lyrics (deserved but who cares).

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 30 July 2015 22:13 (2 days ago) Permalink

Love "Classic Man"

Whip/Nae Nae just seems like kind of a formless jumble of existing dances. Weirdly generic compared to even like "Chicken Noodle Soup"

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 30 July 2015 22:41 (2 days ago) Permalink

Do the keyword, do the hashtag

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 30 July 2015 22:41 (2 days ago) Permalink

now drop and do the google trend

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 30 July 2015 23:04 (2 days ago) Permalink

i love watch me! it's a fun dumb song and it's perfectly calibrated and a good throwback to mashed potato / shangalang / camelwalk type shout-em-out-and-do-em songs.
i predict a long and fruitful career for the singer j/k that is the most one hit wonder i have ever heard

let's not get too excited w/ the ouches (forksclovetofu), Friday, 31 July 2015 02:07 (Yesterday) Permalink

eh i took the bait on the zep thing. it happens. otherwise we're cool for the summer.

got the club going UP on a tuesday (m coleman), Friday, 31 July 2015 11:29 (Yesterday) Permalink

This SPIN "cover story" is really something else:

http://www.spin.com/featured/vince-staples-summertime-06-interview-cover-story/

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:15 (Yesterday) Permalink

dog bites man girlfriend

bizarro gazzara, Friday, 31 July 2015 15:18 (Yesterday) Permalink

I keep getting up from the table to call my girlfriend, who is, understandably, pissed at the dog for biting her, and pissed at me for not being with her. Staples, who is in person as genial as he is pragmatic and frank on record, offers to reschedule. He gets it. “Dogs try you, bro,” Staples offers. “Maybe your dog had a bad day.”

Lydia Davis level

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:26 (Yesterday) Permalink

nu-SPIN has this weird SJW slant in everything they cover (ie, the quasi-paedo pandering in teenpop writing, calling out Shamir for fat-shaming) but then is like totally tone-deaf when it comes to running racist reviews by stalkers or this "can't my girlfriend respect that a man is working" rant

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:28 (Yesterday) Permalink

no way i'm progressing beyond that byline

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:28 (Yesterday) Permalink

Gah, this is all your fault Klosterman.

It’s tempting to read too deep into this story, twist it into some hackneyed metaphor for how Staples sees no such thing as absolute good or absolute bad in the world. And from what I can tell, both from music and in conversation, he definitely does sort of believe those things. But he’s not trying to make a greater statement about the world here, he’s just trying to help me out. (Both the dog and my girlfriend are fine, by the way.)

A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:41 (Yesterday) Permalink

that is a shall we say interesting way to put a hook on that interview

let's not get too excited w/ the ouches (forksclovetofu), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:42 (Yesterday) Permalink

finally a longread from the ryan schreiber of millenial rap writing

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:42 (Yesterday) Permalink

Actually if you cut that pointless, alienating "cool story bro" first section the rest of the profile's OK.

A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:44 (Yesterday) Permalink

Actually if you cut that pointless, alienating "cool story bro" first section the rest of the profile's OK.

― A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, July 31, 2015 11:44 AM (1 second ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

When it’s time to order our food, Staples orders like a quarterback calling a play. “We’re going chicken sandwich, cole slaw on the side, right?” he begins. “And I want the mac and cheese served as the side. OK and also, we need two smoked beef links. Is there a type of bread we can get to go along with that? Let’s get a sandwich roll on the side. What is buttermilk pie? We’ll talk about that in a minute. It sounds live.”

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:44 (Yesterday) Permalink

summertime '14

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:45 (Yesterday) Permalink

lol

we'll talk about that in a minute

j., Friday, 31 July 2015 15:45 (Yesterday) Permalink

Actually if you cut that pointless, alienating "cool story bro" first section the rest of the profile's OK.
― A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, July 31, 2015 11:44 AM (1 second ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

He’s only 21, but to borrow a phrase from Mobb Deep’s Prodigy, his mind is old.

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:46 (Yesterday) Permalink

xp Why is that so terrible? It tells you something about how Staples talks and behaves. I don't love this guy's writing, I'm not going to print this piece out and frame it, but the intro's so noxious that I was pleasantly surprised to find the rest was solid.

This is when print can be better for you than online. The intro would have been cut for space reasons in a heartbeat. Editors who save you from yourself are also helpful.

A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:48 (Yesterday) Permalink

OK, I'm dialling back that faint praise after reading "his body is a repository of small, inconsequential motions that add up to a flurry of activity."

A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:49 (Yesterday) Permalink

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 31 July 2015 15:50 (Yesterday) Permalink

OK and also, we need two smoked beef links. Is there a type of bread we can get to go along with that? Let’s get a sandwich roll on the side.

paging vince staples to the 'a hot dog is' thread, sounds like he may have some valuable points to make

bizarro gazzara, Friday, 31 July 2015 15:51 (Yesterday) Permalink

America’s the cause. Vince Staples is the effect.

Huh?

geoffreyess, Friday, 31 July 2015 15:56 (Yesterday) Permalink

that wyman zep thing is so random and funny

da croupier, Friday, 31 July 2015 19:21 (Yesterday) Permalink

why the hell did vulture belch out some old school rolling stone dude going "BAH!" 74 times

da croupier, Friday, 31 July 2015 19:21 (Yesterday) Permalink

i hope they have him do another for sabbath: the ozzy years

da croupier, Friday, 31 July 2015 19:22 (Yesterday) Permalink


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