OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (8 years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (8 years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (8 years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (8 years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (8 years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (8 years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (8 years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (8 years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (8 years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (8 years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (8 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (8 years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (8 years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (8 years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (8 years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (8 years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (8 years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (8 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (8 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (8 years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (8 years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (8 years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (8 years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (8 years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (8 years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (8 years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (8 years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (8 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (8 years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (8 years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (8 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (8 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

"he cracks another chesty cackle"

totally my stripper name...

scott seward, Saturday, 20 June 2015 03:04 (1 week ago) Permalink

I interviewed Dylan Carlson last year and he didn't sound at all phlegmy to me.

wronger than 100 geir posts (MacDara), Saturday, 20 June 2015 15:45 (1 week ago) Permalink

It was a revolution of the solar cycle ago when Dylan Carlson and this writer exchanged passionate thrusts of verbosity. No rheumy eruptions could be detected from where I resided, like all hominid creation, in a prison of flesh.

hardcore dilettante, Saturday, 20 June 2015 17:58 (1 week ago) Permalink

Think he's nailed Fucked Up here. Nothing else need be written about them.

Despite his premature death clock ticking, Abraham and his band of matured Lost Boys are forever scrutinising their ageing subculture. Unlike 2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera David Comes to Life, their newly released Glass Boys is a disciplined ten-track study of combating age and the music industry. It’s a record of genuine purity, stripped of its predecessor’s conceptual guises. “This record is like all of us giving the best version of what we’ve ever done,” Abraham raves doubtlessly.

Unsettled defender (ithappens), Sunday, 21 June 2015 19:28 (1 week ago) Permalink

Flagrantly ceremonious!
Premature death clock ticking!
Matured lost boys!
Genuine purity!

They read like bad Titus Andronicus lyrics.

Unsettled defender (ithappens), Sunday, 21 June 2015 19:28 (1 week ago) Permalink

shades of eye of argon

difficult listening hour, Monday, 22 June 2015 06:46 (1 week ago) Permalink

"Abraham raves doubtlessly"

I'm glad the AI that wrote the fake newspaper articles in Sim City 2000 is still around and has moved on to music criticism, really missed that guy

undergraduate dance (a passing spacecadet), Monday, 22 June 2015 09:08 (1 week ago) Permalink

in fact, thank you stranger for my new display name

Abraham raves doubtlessly (a passing spacecadet), Monday, 22 June 2015 09:09 (1 week ago) Permalink

Dammit, you beat me to it

Continue your brooding monologue (Re-Make/Re-Model), Monday, 22 June 2015 09:14 (1 week ago) Permalink

Monday morning treat for the real headz:

http://thequietus.com/users/7759

http://thequietus.com/articles/10111-quicksand-slip-reissue-review

Hardcore’s Youth Crews were suffering from a spot of biological decline and required something slightly decelerated to get angry to. Amongst punk’s wilting complacency and Seattle’s slow-broiling illegitimacy, missing links began to occur. Bands had too many influences and not enough coherent fluidity between them.

2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 22 June 2015 10:06 (1 week ago) Permalink

"It was 1993 - one year before Kurt Cobain swallowed a mouthful of Remington."

The new Jim Thompson is born.

Unsettled defender (ithappens), Monday, 22 June 2015 11:07 (1 week ago) Permalink

a mouthful of remington?

appropriation and whatnot (stevie), Monday, 22 June 2015 11:19 (1 week ago) Permalink

I changed my coherent fluidity this morning.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 22 June 2015 11:20 (1 week ago) Permalink

(have sneaking suspicion i am guilty of a number of this guy's sins myself tbh)

appropriation and whatnot (stevie), Monday, 22 June 2015 11:20 (1 week ago) Permalink

hey fashioned abrasive intelligence, enmeshed with instrumental chaos. It was absolute pandemonium. Yet all the mess and disharmony seemed professionally maintained. The irrefutable severity of tracks like 'Head To Wall' and 'Lie And Wait', elevate beyond anarchy. As snares penetrate incessant hi-hat slaps, sludgy riffs travel like aggressive circle pits. They permeate an authentic dissonance, accentuated by Shreifels’s husked, tonal wails.

Stop. Using. Words.

Continue your brooding monologue (Re-Make/Re-Model), Monday, 22 June 2015 12:01 (1 week ago) Permalink

"The soulful whines of John Legend".

Dorian, I'm spiking your Nina Simone piece and getting Tom Watson to rewrite it.

Unsettled defender (ithappens), Monday, 22 June 2015 12:30 (1 week ago) Permalink

why would you capitalize "Youth Crews"? like they were the Whig Party or something. maybe the capital Y is okay. it's a sub-genre...but even those don't get capitalized...hmmm....

scott seward, Monday, 22 June 2015 14:54 (1 week ago) Permalink

grammar rules not my strong suit...

scott seward, Monday, 22 June 2015 14:55 (1 week ago) Permalink

Dictionary.com has never heard of the word "consilient."

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Monday, 22 June 2015 14:57 (1 week ago) Permalink

this is a certain kind of earnest solipsistic dude writing: the boy who thinks he can build style while retaining his authenticity by using a thesaurus, rather than reading good prose written by other humans....

Swag Heathen (theStalePrince), Monday, 22 June 2015 15:14 (1 week ago) Permalink

http://www.cine-vue.com/search/label/Tom%20Watson?max-results=30

During the making of Metropolis (1927) Germany was caught in a tundra of political restructure and cinematic prosperity. Beneath the cindered waste cast aside by the First World War was a fatherland set for reform by the Weimar Republic and a film industry set to take the world stage. The so-called 'ethic of change' was in the air and the country's cultural isolation was dwindling. With the realities of war being all too real, the Expressionist movement was en vogue and German auteurs were at the forefront of an artistic uprising. The likes of Robert Weine and Fritz Lang were paving a macabre, fantastical path that would reshape the forms of storytelling. Deep in metaphor, heaped in rhetoric.

2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 22 June 2015 16:27 (1 week ago) Permalink

It's fortune telling and chaos as death that riddles Wiene's fantastical landscape. At the time, Caligari was said to have unsettled its audiences. Critics applauded its ability to "squeeze and turn and adjust the eye". It was also said to be a criterion for the slowly emerging intentions of Nazism. This is by and large a warped overstatement of a film that was impossible not to influence generations of artists, thinkers and, ultimately governing societies. Wiene's film was an inspiring footnote to the ever-increasing ascendancy of twenties Dada and Surrealism.

2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 22 June 2015 16:29 (1 week ago) Permalink

Approximately a year ago today, a swarm of antipathy left London in a choke-hold as a series of riots engulfed the capital. What began as a peaceful protest against police brutality mutated into a beast more brutal than anyone could have envisaged. Described as 'copycat violence' by the media, thousands upon thousands took to the streets in a tirade of hateful ignorance. And from this ignorance stemmed an easy target - youth culture. Thankfully, Tarun Thind's 2010 assured short English aims to bring vital balance to the debate.

2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Monday, 22 June 2015 16:31 (1 week ago) Permalink

his writing is a tundra of magisterial clichés and fantastical imagery, a swarm of antipathetic words embracing the reader in a choke-hold of helpless delight

drash, Monday, 22 June 2015 17:10 (1 week ago) Permalink

Approximately a year ago today, a swarm of antipathy left London in a choke-hold

pfah, they shoulda took the train

something totally new, it’s the AOR of the twenty first century (tipsy mothra), Monday, 22 June 2015 18:27 (1 week ago) Permalink

"As snares penetrate incessant hi-hat slaps, sludgy riffs travel like aggressive circle pits. They permeate an authentic dissonance, accentuated by Shreifels’s husked, tonal wails."

Nothing beats that feeling when your authentic dissonance gets fully permeated by.... I have no idea...snares maybe? Sludgy riffs? what is a husked wail, let alone a husked tonal wail?

Fatalist AmandaPalmistry (irrational), Monday, 22 June 2015 21:29 (1 week ago) Permalink

"The Shreifel's Husked Tonal Whale, a rarity in these sludgy riffs, permeates the authentic dissonance only to be attacked by a roaming gang of aggressive Circlepits, whose snares penetrate the beast's incessant hi-hat slaps."

like a giraffe of nah (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 June 2015 21:36 (1 week ago) Permalink

That reads better tbh

Fatalist AmandaPalmistry (irrational), Monday, 22 June 2015 21:47 (1 week ago) Permalink

I have a BS in copy

like a giraffe of nah (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 June 2015 22:19 (1 week ago) Permalink

'Permeate', tbh, has needed a couple decades in the penalty box for... at least a couple decades

demonic mnevice (Jon Lewis), Monday, 22 June 2015 23:50 (1 week ago) Permalink

It was a revolution of the solar cycle ago when Dylan Carlson and this writer exchanged passionate thrusts of verbosity. No rheumy eruptions could be detected from where I resided, like all hominid creation, in a prison of flesh.

I'm getting this needlepointed.

wronger than 100 geir posts (MacDara), Tuesday, 23 June 2015 11:54 (1 week ago) Permalink

Dylan Carlson and this writer exchanged passionate thrusts of verbosity.

can believe this

2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 23 June 2015 11:56 (1 week ago) Permalink

Is everyone taking Tom Watson inspired user names now?

Flagrantly ceremonious whines of John Legend (ithappens), Tuesday, 23 June 2015 12:20 (1 week ago) Permalink

Just changed mine again so we don't get too many people being flagrantly ceremonious.

Roaming gang of aggressive circlepits (ithappens), Tuesday, 23 June 2015 12:21 (1 week ago) Permalink

how do we go about inviting tom watson to ilm btw

bizarro gazzara, Tuesday, 23 June 2015 12:24 (1 week ago) Permalink

"Swarm of Antipathy" sounds like a Suffocation song (or album title).

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Tuesday, 23 June 2015 12:35 (1 week ago) Permalink

speaking of antipathy

http://www.vox.com/2015/6/25/8840233/art-metal

j., Thursday, 25 June 2015 13:54 (5 days ago) Permalink

"what value is there in saying that I like Rihanna and Tegan and Sara? Everybody likes Rihanna and Tegan and Sara."

Badmotorfinger Debate Club (MFB), Friday, 26 June 2015 04:04 (4 days ago) Permalink

that's the kind of thing that makes me want to stop talking about music in any medium in case there's even a sliver of a chance I come off like that

from what I understand of this dude though that isn't the kind of emotion he wrestles with right

there was a lot of beer and people doing sit ups, (laughs) (DJ Mencap), Friday, 26 June 2015 09:04 (4 days ago) Permalink

I thought that piece was overall quite good. Are you saying that one part ruined the whole thing for you?

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Friday, 26 June 2015 10:24 (4 days ago) Permalink

are any of those bands particularly arty? they're all pretty accessible through the medium of weed.

deboer way too self-impressed shocker

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Friday, 26 June 2015 10:34 (4 days ago) Permalink

Think about the audience, though. This piece is on Vox - therefore it's aimed at, and being read by, half-aspie Poli Sci nerds who think listening to Sleater-Kinney means they're still hardcore, even though they spend all day fellating members of Congress in print. Introducing those people to metal is tough work, and even though to the half-aspie music nerds of ILM all these bands are gonna be the usual suspects and last decade's news, there are still plenty of people who've never heard them. Also, I like this part; it's a sentiment that needs emphasizing more often:

"If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. This is music, not church. 'It’s not for me' is one of the most freeing, most useful statements you can make."

Honestly, it's not perfect or anything, the High On Fire blurb in particular is kinda lazy (though I like the fact that he rides for Snakes for the Divine, 'cause I like that album a lot too - a clean production job really benefited them). But overall, the writing is much better - in terms of quality of prose, clarity of thinking, and absence of glaring spelling errors and grammatical fuck-ups - than 90 percent of Pitchfork, never mind the shit that usually lands in this thread. And frankly, that Tom Watson guy has set way too fucking high a bar for someone who can come up with something as funny as "The last time I tried to play a Sunn 0))) album I caught my dog writing a suicide note" to clear.

Based on this evidence, I would much rather read DeBoer on music than on politics.

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Friday, 26 June 2015 12:14 (4 days ago) Permalink

the thought is sophomoric

j., Friday, 26 June 2015 14:38 (4 days ago) Permalink

half-aspie Poli Sci nerds who think listening to Sleater-Kinney means they're still hardcore

yawn at ever thinking of an audience in this way

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Friday, 26 June 2015 14:39 (4 days ago) Permalink

yeah I mean doing a piece like this with a plan to appeal to your hypothetical audience's worst hypothetical nature just seems sad and self-defeating

there was a lot of beer and people doing sit ups, (laughs) (DJ Mencap), Friday, 26 June 2015 16:09 (4 days ago) Permalink

point ...................................................... you

for sale: baby shoes, never worn your ass (katherine), Friday, 26 June 2015 16:49 (4 days ago) Permalink

^ permeating slow-broiling illegitimacy imo

2011’s flagrantly ceremonious rock-opera (Bananaman Begins), Friday, 26 June 2015 17:10 (4 days ago) Permalink

If Tom Watson never makes it here I could try to post more like him, if you like

rahrah avis (imago), Friday, 26 June 2015 17:33 (4 days ago) Permalink

should I have any idea what that means

for sale: baby shoes, never worn your ass (katherine), Friday, 26 June 2015 17:56 (4 days ago) Permalink

lmao freddie deboer's debut dive into the DC media spawning tank and it's THIS

i can't type lololololololol enough

goole, Friday, 26 June 2015 18:53 (4 days ago) Permalink


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