OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (7 years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (7 years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (7 years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (7 years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (7 years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (7 years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (7 years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (7 years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (7 years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (7 years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

I mean it's cool that feminism is being discussed on P4K, but how about in terms beyond "This woman said this mean thing about this other woman not being feminist! Meow!"

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:00 (1 month ago) Permalink

xpost this is kind of amazing: http://starling.rinet.ru/music/zratings.htm

Karl Malone, Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:01 (1 month ago) Permalink

I'm sure there are more interesting parts of Kim Gordon's book than the section that deals with her husband and this.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:01 (1 month ago) Permalink

lol i haven't thought about starostin in yeeeeaaaarssss

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:08 (1 month ago) Permalink

ahh ... mark prindle.

been a long time since i visited his site.

mark e, Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:16 (1 month ago) Permalink

Starostin & Scaruffi are both auto-didact, super-systematizers with differing yet equally narrow aesthetics. (Scaruffi I can at least raid for album suggestions in the avant garde area, so he's more useful). Next to these two, Christgau seems like the most open-minded, acknowledging-his-own-subjectivity-guy in the world.

Vic Perry, Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:24 (1 month ago) Permalink

I'm really glad ILX has finally caught up to /mu/ with the Christgau vs. Scraruffi vs. Fantano debates

Whiney G. Weingarten, Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:45 (1 month ago) Permalink

That's awesome happy for you Whiney :)

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Saturday, 21 February 2015 20:42 (1 month ago) Permalink

it's so great to see him in his element

describing a scene in which the Hulk gets a boner (contenderizer), Saturday, 21 February 2015 20:55 (1 month ago) Permalink

http://only-solitaire.blogspot.com

George Starostin's taste (and writing style) has loosened up somewhat in recent years, but it's amazing that he's been keeping up his "review bands alphabetically" blog for 4.5 years and he's still only on the letter B (for Bon Jovi).

i ain't marchant anymore (unregistered), Saturday, 21 February 2015 21:20 (1 month ago) Permalink

*5.5 years

i ain't marchant anymore (unregistered), Saturday, 21 February 2015 21:22 (1 month ago) Permalink

starostin dude is unreadable. one paragraph oughta be enough to warn people away forever:

"That said, all of these factors are still not enough to account for the band's passing into utmost oblivion (together with other great British blooze bands, such as Ten Years After or Taste). Because, in a certain sense, these guys symbolize everything about yer basic early Seventies rock, that loud, raunchy, sloppy hippie music as opposed to, say, acid hippie music. And at least they never tried to 'fashionize' their music by carefully avoiding heavy metal and glam rock trends. Throughout all of their six studio albums, they remained what they were: a naive, drug-addled, heart-on-the-sleeve, hair-down-the-waist bunch of idealistic young men trying to find consolation in blues riffing and folkish whining amidst a sea of problems. They just weren't particularly talented, but who was particularly talented? Gary Glitter? And, for my two cents, I'd at least take Paul Rodgers' voice over Robert Plant's any day of my horrid life."

scott seward, Saturday, 21 February 2015 21:23 (1 month ago) Permalink

I still really like reading all those Prindle/Starostin/one-guy-with-a-website music reviews and am sad that that whole scene totally died off.

Mr. Snrub, Saturday, 21 February 2015 22:25 (1 month ago) Permalink

ilx's own glenn m. is the only one of them worth reading.

scott seward, Saturday, 21 February 2015 22:35 (1 month ago) Permalink

You are talking about this? http://www.furia.com/page.cgi?type=log

Mon-El in the Middle (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 22 February 2015 05:26 (1 month ago) Permalink

the war against silence entries:

http://www.furia.com/page.cgi?type=twas&id=issues

scott seward, Sunday, 22 February 2015 20:12 (1 month ago) Permalink

http://diffuser.fm/box-sets-arent-meant-for-you/

Let’s jump ahead about 50 years. The current holder of the Jimmie Rodgers baton is one Bruce Springsteen, a globally popular musical storyteller coming off of the biggest album of his career. Born in the USA would eventually sell 30 million copies worldwide. (To put that in perspective, hit your thumb with a hammer. Now do that 29,999,999 more times. Thirty million is a lot; also, put some ice on that thumb.)

Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 4 March 2015 00:33 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

really puts it in perspective

you can buy your hair if it won't grow (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 4 March 2015 00:35 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

And so while we in the media continue to report on the inevitable death of physical media, any artist who attracts enthusiastic fans remains a candidate for a lavish box set. As I write this, I’m staring lovingly at my Miles Davis: The Complete Columbia Album Collection. I’m also shaking my head at the online auction prices for Insane Clown Posse‘s recently released The First Six which is, of course, a seven-disc set that’s fetching prices not too far below the great Miles’ 53-disc box.

I can shake my head all I want, but the simple truth is that ICP didn’t make The First Six for me any more than Victor made that very first Jimmie Rodgers album for fans of Enrico Caruso. It’s a priceless treasure to the Juggalos, and that’s why the idea of the box set remains a viable one even after 80 years.

But seriously, Led Zeppelin, enough already.

Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 4 March 2015 00:38 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

a priceless treasure to the Juggalos

This has a real nice poetic ring to it.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 4 March 2015 02:26 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Fast-forward thirteen years, and it’s all too easy to draw straight lines, not just to the increasingly unstable geopolitics of Eastern Europe and the Middle East, but to the deaths of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, and Eric Garner in New York City—both of whom were killed by police officers while unarmed. When protests erupted over the deaths, police responded with heavy-handed action that sounds awfully similar to what MacKaye described in 2002. War and police brutality seem fairly straight-forward to gentrification and the link between neighborhoods and the housing market. Last November, Dave Grohl fretted that Austin, Texas, was losing its artsy character during an interview promoting the Sonic Highways series.

five six and (man alive), Monday, 9 March 2015 03:45 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Who is Jen Trification, and why do war and police brutality seem straight-forward to her?

Team Foxcatcherwatcher (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 9 March 2015 06:30 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Last November, Dave Grohl fretted that Austin, Texas, was losing its artsy character during an interview promoting the Sonic Highways series.

Surprised the writer didn't mention Nirvana's Ferguson anthem "I Swear That I Don't Have a Gun."

ancient texts, things that can't be pre-dated (President Keyes), Monday, 9 March 2015 11:00 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

taking shots at a member of ILM's favourite band, whatever next

Reader, I murder dem (DJ Mencap), Monday, 9 March 2015 11:42 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I had a suspicion I'd see that linked.

afriendlypioneer, Monday, 9 March 2015 12:20 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Raccoon Tanuki writing for the Guardian now?

ancient texts, things that can't be pre-dated (President Keyes), Monday, 9 March 2015 16:53 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

cr4bdbgs, Monday, 9 March 2015 18:35 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

cr4bdbgs, Monday, 9 March 2015 18:36 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

why does this piece get commissioned and written over and over again

lex pretend, Monday, 9 March 2015 18:55 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

old people

daed bod (Noodle Vague), Monday, 9 March 2015 18:58 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

they forget they commissioned things. it's tragic

ancient texts, things that can't be pre-dated (President Keyes), Monday, 9 March 2015 19:01 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Hate to be cynical about it since I'm a huge fan, but he's got a "protest" album coming out in a month or two (which he mentions near the end). Pretty good number of comments, too.

afriendlypioneer, Monday, 9 March 2015 19:04 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

anything > 0 = a pretty bad number of comments

daed bod (Noodle Vague), Monday, 9 March 2015 19:06 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

I'm surprised that anyone cared enough to comment. The essay didn't say much, but I guess he hit enough soft targets (UKIP) to warrant a reaction.

afriendlypioneer, Monday, 9 March 2015 19:07 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i grew up on british protest music...

scott seward, Monday, 9 March 2015 19:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

http://thetalkhouse.com/music/talks/luke-haines-the-auteurs-black-box-recorder-talks-noel-gallagher-and-the-scourge-of-dad-rock/

Not sure if this qualifies as worst or best:

But even after all the above, Noel comes across as a decent enough guy. He’d be OK in the pub. (Well, he probably wouldn’t be OK with me in the pub after this.) You’d trust him to look after your cat as well. (Although I wouldn’t trust him with my cat, not after this.) But it’s his reactionary fear of the extraordinary, and the clapped-out Cloughie act, that need questioning. These are ultra-conformist times we live in; the imagination is unwelcome, the maverick is unwelcome and the weirdos need not bother turning up. The music industry and the publishing industry are grasping at straws to survive. The middlebrow media have a stranglehold on culture, and art is, amazingly, still seen as “not for ordinary people.” Poverty abounds. No one wants to hear a rich man boasting, but when Noel speaks, people listen. As for the records, they sound like they’re getting harder and harder to make. Noel never seems like he’s had any fun making them. The slow turning of the cogs in his brain grinding to a halt is almost audible. So, as Noel has all the money in the world — as he is often so keen to tell us — maybe it’s time to give up.

afriendlypioneer, Monday, 9 March 2015 19:51 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Oh I love the Haines piece. The Ciaran one is full of the usual ignorant generalisations though.

Minaj moron (Re-Make/Re-Model), Monday, 9 March 2015 20:30 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Haines piece calls Noel Gallagher's slow songs bollards, I'm going to go for 'best'

Leonard Pine, Monday, 9 March 2015 20:44 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

"The most logical expansion for UMG, WMG and Sony is to embrace online video stars from YouTube, Vine and Snapchat"

uh, sure big-picture cuepoint guy, maybe you should talk to karmin

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 16:52 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

whatever i know i have an Officially Chapped Ass after getting totally lowballed by that company to start a music collection, but jesus christ the intersection of edm idiocy and mba idiocy fueled by tech dollars is just... the worst thing

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 16:54 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

also i mean all of these 'online video stars' make their bones by covering popular songs... that are initially disseminated by umg, wmg, and sony. maybe this guy is just advocating for the snake-eating-its-tail process to be sped up?

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 17:08 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

or maybe he doesn't actually consume music and is instead lost in a thicket of spreadsheets and impressive-sounding numbers

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 17:09 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

what a great time to be alive

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 17:09 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

just in case you needed reminding how bad drowned in sound is

http://drownedinsound.com/releases/18698/reviews/4148809?ticker

to pump a bit of lye (imago), Friday, 20 March 2015 09:31 (1 week ago) Permalink

Whoa! I didn't know Chilly had a new album out. Must investigate.

Mr. Snrub, Friday, 20 March 2015 14:08 (1 week ago) Permalink

i don't know enough to say whether that review is right, did pique my interest

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 20 March 2015 15:43 (1 week ago) Permalink


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