OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (7 years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (7 years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (7 years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (7 years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (7 years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (7 years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (7 years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (7 years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (7 years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (7 years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

http://thetalkhouse.com/music/talks/luke-haines-the-auteurs-black-box-recorder-talks-noel-gallagher-and-the-scourge-of-dad-rock/

Not sure if this qualifies as worst or best:

But even after all the above, Noel comes across as a decent enough guy. He’d be OK in the pub. (Well, he probably wouldn’t be OK with me in the pub after this.) You’d trust him to look after your cat as well. (Although I wouldn’t trust him with my cat, not after this.) But it’s his reactionary fear of the extraordinary, and the clapped-out Cloughie act, that need questioning. These are ultra-conformist times we live in; the imagination is unwelcome, the maverick is unwelcome and the weirdos need not bother turning up. The music industry and the publishing industry are grasping at straws to survive. The middlebrow media have a stranglehold on culture, and art is, amazingly, still seen as “not for ordinary people.” Poverty abounds. No one wants to hear a rich man boasting, but when Noel speaks, people listen. As for the records, they sound like they’re getting harder and harder to make. Noel never seems like he’s had any fun making them. The slow turning of the cogs in his brain grinding to a halt is almost audible. So, as Noel has all the money in the world — as he is often so keen to tell us — maybe it’s time to give up.

afriendlypioneer, Monday, 9 March 2015 19:51 (1 month ago) Permalink

Oh I love the Haines piece. The Ciaran one is full of the usual ignorant generalisations though.

Minaj moron (Re-Make/Re-Model), Monday, 9 March 2015 20:30 (1 month ago) Permalink

Haines piece calls Noel Gallagher's slow songs bollards, I'm going to go for 'best'

Leonard Pine, Monday, 9 March 2015 20:44 (1 month ago) Permalink

"The most logical expansion for UMG, WMG and Sony is to embrace online video stars from YouTube, Vine and Snapchat"

uh, sure big-picture cuepoint guy, maybe you should talk to karmin

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 16:52 (1 month ago) Permalink

whatever i know i have an Officially Chapped Ass after getting totally lowballed by that company to start a music collection, but jesus christ the intersection of edm idiocy and mba idiocy fueled by tech dollars is just... the worst thing

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 16:54 (1 month ago) Permalink

also i mean all of these 'online video stars' make their bones by covering popular songs... that are initially disseminated by umg, wmg, and sony. maybe this guy is just advocating for the snake-eating-its-tail process to be sped up?

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 17:08 (1 month ago) Permalink

or maybe he doesn't actually consume music and is instead lost in a thicket of spreadsheets and impressive-sounding numbers

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 17:09 (1 month ago) Permalink

what a great time to be alive

maura, Friday, 13 March 2015 17:09 (1 month ago) Permalink

just in case you needed reminding how bad drowned in sound is

http://drownedinsound.com/releases/18698/reviews/4148809?ticker

to pump a bit of lye (imago), Friday, 20 March 2015 09:31 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

Whoa! I didn't know Chilly had a new album out. Must investigate.

Mr. Snrub, Friday, 20 March 2015 14:08 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

i don't know enough to say whether that review is right, did pique my interest

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 20 March 2015 15:43 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

"What was once accepted and ignored is now the target of pieces of writing like this one."

http://www.popmatters.com/feature/191920-get-hard-and-get-angry/

Brio2, Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:15 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I agree that that piece is a total failure when it comes to music writing

DJP, Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:24 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Attributing it to Ethan Cohen rather than Etan Cohen is never not funny though.

Ethnically Ambiguous / 28 - 45 (ShariVari), Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:30 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Like many of the Nintendo Generation (born between 1977 and 1982), I’m offended by everything.

Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:39 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

lololol

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:41 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

wait is that my generation, i've never felt so accurately identified before. finally!!

j., Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:44 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

wait i want to be in the nintendo generation, but i come from the year 1983. guess i have to be a millienial and be really selfish but also really important to the future but also good at adapting to new technologies instead

Karl Malone, Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:46 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

"With the George W. Bush presidency being bookended by Freddy Got Fingered and Role Models, both interesting examples of ‘00s shock value comedy, there was a furor in the air, an feeling that shit wasn’t right, and we were plunging further into doom. The Obama era is more about how to rectify such social ills."

Brio2, Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:52 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

as a nintendo generation spokesperson, we are letting you in karl malone

Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:53 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

77-82 is a pretty tight turnaround for a whole generation

Brio2, Thursday, 2 April 2015 19:59 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Mark Palermo co-wrote the 2012 theatrical teen horror sci-fi comedy Detention, distributed by Sony Pictures.

That shit right there is precedented. (cryptosicko), Thursday, 2 April 2015 20:00 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

xpost fuck yeah! now i regret selling my bright blue NES bag last year.

Karl Malone, Thursday, 2 April 2015 20:01 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

"I wish to register my disdain at the disgust and outrage which has greeted this, er, admittedly disgusting and outrageous film"

their fantastic and relevant debut single, ‘Times Are Hard’ (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 2 April 2015 20:02 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

well, you know the nintendo generation... offended by everything.

Brio2, Thursday, 2 April 2015 20:03 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

fucking mario

Evan, Thursday, 2 April 2015 20:07 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

yeah, its pretty dumb to make a point about overreactions to art that's perceived as offensive in reaction to something that...looks like it might be genuinely offensive (i haven't seen it, probably won't, i think my assumption can be safely made)

sorta like fuckin patton oswalt yesterday!

pimento is a cheese, some call it the caviar of the south (slothroprhymes), Thursday, 2 April 2015 20:09 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i remember when the super nintendo came out it wasn't launched in the uk (and europe?) till about a year after it was out in the US and Japan, so some game heads would buy ones imported from Japan- the Japanese version was called the 'Super Famicom'. How 'bout that.

their fantastic and relevant debut single, ‘Times Are Hard’ (Bananaman Begins), Thursday, 2 April 2015 20:12 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I remember when this thread was about shitty music writing.

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 2 April 2015 20:48 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

nintendon't kill my vibe

Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 2 April 2015 21:09 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

i remember i was conflicted, misusing my threadfluence

pimento is a cheese, some call it the caviar of the south (slothroprhymes), Thursday, 2 April 2015 21:09 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

http://whereistheprotestmusic.tumblr.com/

lex pretend, Friday, 3 April 2015 06:29 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

Terrible articles

got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Friday, 3 April 2015 12:59 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

That protest thing is hilarious

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 3 April 2015 14:39 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

http://blog.sfgate.com/morford/2015/04/10/carly-rae-jepsen-makes-heads-explode/

feat. bonus ilxor diss

Number None, Sunday, 12 April 2015 20:47 (6 days ago) Permalink

that one is pretty bad all right! i don't think i've ever pictured stoned hipsters reading pitchfork. more like earnest high school kids.

scott seward, Sunday, 12 April 2015 21:14 (6 days ago) Permalink

lol @ "yoga columnist, admirer of trees" in his bio

who are these people who still think statements like that are big truth to power moments? aside from the otts and auks and austerlitzes, of course.

slothroprhymes, Sunday, 12 April 2015 21:37 (6 days ago) Permalink

"Mark has been described a few ways -- as a Lenny Bruce character, or as a Generation X Hunter S. Thompson, or as a liberal redneck," Kershner said. "He has a following, but he's always close to the edge."

everyone gets older faster these days

http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/3-Staffers-Suspended-Over-SF-Gate-Column-2937413.php

maura, Sunday, 12 April 2015 21:51 (6 days ago) Permalink

got an couple hours?

austinato (Austin), Sunday, 12 April 2015 21:55 (6 days ago) Permalink

All of those descriptions of Morford are too flattering, even liberal redneck.

polyphonic, Sunday, 12 April 2015 21:59 (6 days ago) Permalink

Is it still 2004 in San Francisco?

ciao, o rank cunt (Whiney G. Weingarten), Sunday, 12 April 2015 22:09 (6 days ago) Permalink

fixie bike jokes is some real trenchant social commentary in 2015

ciao, o rank cunt (Whiney G. Weingarten), Sunday, 12 April 2015 22:11 (6 days ago) Permalink

what about microbrew zings tho

slothroprhymes, Sunday, 12 April 2015 22:42 (6 days ago) Permalink

Nice to see he takes time out of his schedule of yoga therapy and admiring trees to engage in pointless culture-bashing rants. Nothing more enlightened than jokes about PBR.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Sunday, 12 April 2015 22:46 (6 days ago) Permalink

aside from the otts and auks and austerlitzes

mmmm poetry *swirls bourbon in snifter*

Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato? (forksclovetofu), Monday, 13 April 2015 01:39 (5 days ago) Permalink

this one is actually the worst

And let’s say a new Hozier comes along, and Spotify outbids you (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 13 April 2015 05:41 (5 days ago) Permalink

pretty sure it's lifted from a Frank Barone column written for Everybody Loves Raymond, though

And let’s say a new Hozier comes along, and Spotify outbids you (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 13 April 2015 05:46 (5 days ago) Permalink

just about every sentence of that is completely moronic

pissbaby nobody in the corner (DJ Mencap), Monday, 13 April 2015 07:42 (5 days ago) Permalink

“Bro! Did you read our Carly Rae bit? Can you believe us? We are so meta! I bet no one saw that coming. How hipster can you get, but to like the least hipster act there is in this modern world right now? Someone punch me in the face!

“Next up, we praise a Kardashian. Shut up! Who wants a PBR?”

yeah boy do they ever have the writer of that carly rae jepsen piece pegged, such an indie loving hipster

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 13 April 2015 20:20 (5 days ago) Permalink


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