OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (7 years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (7 years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (7 years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (7 years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (7 years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (7 years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (7 years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (7 years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (7 years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (7 years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (7 years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (7 years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (7 years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (7 years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (7 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (7 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (7 years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (7 years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (7 years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (7 years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (7 years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (7 years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (7 years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (7 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (7 years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (7 years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (7 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (7 years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (7 years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (7 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (7 years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (7 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (7 years ago) Permalink

'White rappers are always difficult to comprehend'

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/12/29/the-cultural-crimes-of-iggy-azalea.html

campreverb, Monday, 5 January 2015 14:22 (1 month ago) Permalink

I like the idea that "Real hip-hop fans" are defined by their inability to let go of questionable Grammy victories.

da croupier, Monday, 5 January 2015 14:54 (1 month ago) Permalink

i'm being unkind here but
http://diffuser.fm/classic-means-of-music-discovery/

Who would I be if the greasy kid in my high school music theory class hadn’t told me, with rapture in his eyes, about Neutral Milk Hotel?

shmup....smug....shmub....shmug.... (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 7 January 2015 15:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

The general concept of promises is great, but as Fugazi notes, actual “promises are shit.” That’s the basic message of “Promises,” from the group’s excellent 1989 EP Margin Walker. Singer and guitarist Ian MacKaye begins the song singing about how “Words and expressions / All these confessions / Of where we stand / How I see you / And you see me” are essentially meaningless. Promises are super and everything, but they don’t mean shit if there’s nothing but words there to back them up. Moreover, if you’re a committed significant other, friend, worker, brother, sister, etc., then you don’t need to go into absolutes to be loyal and to be there for someone. As MacKaye sings later in the song, “You will do what you do / I will do what I do / We will do what we do.”

It’s a message that could be perceived as a little bleak, especially set against MacKaye’s blunt and accented expletives, but it’s also a solid one, if you think about it. Promises might sound sweet, but they can be broken with just one word, glance, or stray thought. Stay true to yourself by doing what you want, when you want—keeping others in mind, of course—and you’ll never need to make another promise again.

man alive, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 16:05 (1 month ago) Permalink

smdh

man alive, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 16:05 (1 month ago) Permalink

, Friday, 9 January 2015 11:54 (1 month ago) Permalink

Has been bugging me for ages, so: Tiny Mix Tapes on Oozing Wound's latest. Sneering tone and parade of familiar "insights" presented as damning profundities irritates me to no end.

contenderizer, Friday, 9 January 2015 12:14 (1 month ago) Permalink

otoh, obviously not the worst piece of music writing ever

contenderizer, Friday, 9 January 2015 12:18 (1 month ago) Permalink

Inherent Jest. Infinite Vice.

Minaj moron (Re-Make/Re-Model), Friday, 9 January 2015 12:33 (1 month ago) Permalink

youtube.com

Ratt in Mi Kitchen (Neil S), Friday, 9 January 2015 12:43 (1 month ago) Permalink

wincing so damn hard

Ottbot jr (NickB), Friday, 9 January 2015 12:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

h/t to fallen ilxor LG for that btw

, Friday, 9 January 2015 12:51 (1 month ago) Permalink

if you absolutely must describe metal bands/records as being "false" I don't think tinymixtapes is the best arena in which to do it

Pair of fun gals argue about the days in a week :-) (DJ Mencap), Friday, 9 January 2015 13:17 (1 month ago) Permalink

Highlights from the TMT review:

In a musical world populated by so many fake and false genres, metal stands out as perhaps the most irredeemably fraudulent of them all. It’s said that metal is angry, indignant music, music that funnels rage into condensed explosions and shoots it at a corrupt universe. But when was the last time you observed metal’s “anger” actually causing someone to cower in fear, make amends for a wrong, provoke an imflammatory response, or incite any of the effects that serve to invest anger with its particular, everyday meaning? Probably never. Metal’s power to shock and disturb has been lost in the decades of repetition, inbreeding, and overfamiliarity, leaving it in a position where it’s no longer a disaffected rupture along an otherwise tranquil continuum, but rather one tranquil continuum among many, churning an endless simulation of itself and the “fury” that it’s reduced to so many empty signifiers.
Shocking, I know, the fraudulence of art. Like when soul singers pretend to be all in love or whatever. Strictly for the sheeple.
Its four-bar exchanges may be as powerful as hell, so powerful that the band whip themselves through the gears with agitated finesse, but this is a duplicitous show of power and strength, since like all metal it’s ultimately the result not of brute muscle and physical exertion, but of the modern guitar equipment (e.g., pedals and amplifiers) that allows a few gentle strums and picks to be magnified beyond all recognition and a few nerdy dudes to hide their limitations behind torrential yet artificial walls of gain and fuzz.
And amplification? When will the lying stop?
Consequently, when flurries like the caustic “Bury Me With My Money” and the Darkthrone-esque “Genuine Creeper” hurtle at full speed in a blaze of tremolo picking and fried power chords, the resulting force and rancor are more expressions of the technologies that enable them — and by extension the social and economic structures that produce these technologies — than of the band’s own inherent resources and qualities. Rather than critiquing their world, they unintentionally end up affirming their dependency on it for their own being and individuation, so that the animosity of the semi-epic “When the Walls Fell” becomes another example of falseness, insofar as its biting crunch and air-raid leads make a show of attacking a system that its dependency in fact perpetuates.
Yes, how dare they voice discontent while relying on electricity? Why, it's tantamount to printing criticisms on paper (or, god forbid, the internet). The true, pure and unenhanced human voice or GTFO.

contenderizer, Friday, 9 January 2015 13:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

tiny mix tapes is the worst

dyl, Friday, 9 January 2015 17:00 (1 month ago) Permalink

Paul Foster Anderson's "Inferrent Vest"

man alive, Friday, 9 January 2015 17:28 (1 month ago) Permalink

that irish times picture is amazing

Tanukious D' (wins), Friday, 9 January 2015 19:47 (1 month ago) Permalink

the little snippet of the above review just adds to the glory

Tanukious D' (wins), Friday, 9 January 2015 19:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

this guy couldn't have done it better

tylerw, Friday, 9 January 2015 19:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

Review of "Anthony Braxton Diamond":

http://www.365bristol.com/review/anthony-braxton-diamond/194/

you've got no fans you've got no ground (anagram), Friday, 23 January 2015 20:39 (1 month ago) Permalink

"a sequence of arbitrary, terrifying sounds reminiscent of a cat being castrated or a particularly eye-watering, post-vindaloo bowel movement. "

(extremely quan voice) My Lifestyle (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 23 January 2015 20:46 (1 month ago) Permalink

link no work

Οὖτις, Friday, 23 January 2015 20:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

"a sequence of arbitrary, terrifying sounds reminiscent of a cat being castrated or a particularly eye-watering, post-vindaloo bowel movement. "

things to do in bristol

emo canon in twee major (BradNelson), Friday, 23 January 2015 20:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

it may be bad music writing, but it certainly is striking imagery

walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 23 January 2015 20:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

link no work

It needs a forward slash at the very end which I did c&p but for some reason doesn't show up. Trust me, it's worth it.

you've got no fans you've got no ground (anagram), Friday, 23 January 2015 22:20 (1 month ago) Permalink

4 weeks pass...

http://starling.rinet.ru/music/index.htm

Karl Malone, Saturday, 21 February 2015 16:57 (1 week ago) Permalink

it's the worst and the best. maybe most people have already stumbled upon it. it hails from the golden days of internet. you can scroll down to brian eno or whatever and read tens of thousands of words and opinions that are occasionally enlightening (it happens often enough that it makes you want to keep scrolling) but on the whole, make no sense at all.

Karl Malone, Saturday, 21 February 2015 16:59 (1 week ago) Permalink

I just assumed you'd dug up something from Christgau.

clemenza, Saturday, 21 February 2015 17:17 (1 week ago) Permalink

I remember this one. I would come across both this guy and Pierro Scaruffi by looking up certain bands.

Vic Perry, Saturday, 21 February 2015 17:29 (1 week ago) Permalink

this is kind of like christgau, but if christgau allowed himself 3000+ words per album

Karl Malone, Saturday, 21 February 2015 17:43 (1 week ago) Permalink

Not sure what's going on but I've read two very different versions of what Kim Gordon said about LDR and anyways I'm getting tired of seeing music mags try to start some beef or something. Particularly here it feels really gross.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 21 February 2015 17:56 (1 week ago) Permalink

and arguments b/w women

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 21 February 2015 17:58 (1 week ago) Permalink

I mean it's cool that feminism is being discussed on P4K, but how about in terms beyond "This woman said this mean thing about this other woman not being feminist! Meow!"

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:00 (1 week ago) Permalink

xpost this is kind of amazing: http://starling.rinet.ru/music/zratings.htm

Karl Malone, Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:01 (1 week ago) Permalink

I'm sure there are more interesting parts of Kim Gordon's book than the section that deals with her husband and this.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:01 (1 week ago) Permalink

lol i haven't thought about starostin in yeeeeaaaarssss

insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:08 (1 week ago) Permalink

ahh ... mark prindle.

been a long time since i visited his site.

mark e, Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:16 (1 week ago) Permalink

Starostin & Scaruffi are both auto-didact, super-systematizers with differing yet equally narrow aesthetics. (Scaruffi I can at least raid for album suggestions in the avant garde area, so he's more useful). Next to these two, Christgau seems like the most open-minded, acknowledging-his-own-subjectivity-guy in the world.

Vic Perry, Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:24 (1 week ago) Permalink

I'm really glad ILX has finally caught up to /mu/ with the Christgau vs. Scraruffi vs. Fantano debates

Whiney G. Weingarten, Saturday, 21 February 2015 18:45 (1 week ago) Permalink

That's awesome happy for you Whiney :)

kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Saturday, 21 February 2015 20:42 (1 week ago) Permalink

it's so great to see him in his element

describing a scene in which the Hulk gets a boner (contenderizer), Saturday, 21 February 2015 20:55 (1 week ago) Permalink

http://only-solitaire.blogspot.com

George Starostin's taste (and writing style) has loosened up somewhat in recent years, but it's amazing that he's been keeping up his "review bands alphabetically" blog for 4.5 years and he's still only on the letter B (for Bon Jovi).

i ain't marchant anymore (unregistered), Saturday, 21 February 2015 21:20 (1 week ago) Permalink

*5.5 years

i ain't marchant anymore (unregistered), Saturday, 21 February 2015 21:22 (1 week ago) Permalink

starostin dude is unreadable. one paragraph oughta be enough to warn people away forever:

"That said, all of these factors are still not enough to account for the band's passing into utmost oblivion (together with other great British blooze bands, such as Ten Years After or Taste). Because, in a certain sense, these guys symbolize everything about yer basic early Seventies rock, that loud, raunchy, sloppy hippie music as opposed to, say, acid hippie music. And at least they never tried to 'fashionize' their music by carefully avoiding heavy metal and glam rock trends. Throughout all of their six studio albums, they remained what they were: a naive, drug-addled, heart-on-the-sleeve, hair-down-the-waist bunch of idealistic young men trying to find consolation in blues riffing and folkish whining amidst a sea of problems. They just weren't particularly talented, but who was particularly talented? Gary Glitter? And, for my two cents, I'd at least take Paul Rodgers' voice over Robert Plant's any day of my horrid life."

scott seward, Saturday, 21 February 2015 21:23 (1 week ago) Permalink

I still really like reading all those Prindle/Starostin/one-guy-with-a-website music reviews and am sad that that whole scene totally died off.

Mr. Snrub, Saturday, 21 February 2015 22:25 (1 week ago) Permalink

ilx's own glenn m. is the only one of them worth reading.

scott seward, Saturday, 21 February 2015 22:35 (1 week ago) Permalink

You are talking about this? http://www.furia.com/page.cgi?type=log

Mon-El in the Middle (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 22 February 2015 05:26 (1 week ago) Permalink

the war against silence entries:

http://www.furia.com/page.cgi?type=twas&id=issues

scott seward, Sunday, 22 February 2015 20:12 (1 week ago) Permalink


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