OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

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From this week's R&R (Reviewed & Rated) section of Exeter University Guild Of Students' magnificent student paper, Exeposé...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:17 (8 years ago) Permalink

Argh, nu-ilx has shrunk it slightly past readable; here's a direct link - http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Screengrabs/onsellingoutexepose.jpg

I just boggled at this over my lunch.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:18 (8 years ago) Permalink

"Jonny" is a name for gaywads

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:20 (8 years ago) Permalink

This only proves again that editors and writers are two different professions. Hence the two names.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:22 (8 years ago) Permalink

You are actually posting a scan of an article from a student newspaper as the basis for a thread, aren't you? Good lord.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:25 (8 years ago) Permalink

It's a screengrab from the pdf off the website! They didn't have a normal text version...

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

can you link to the website? photobucket seems to be banned here.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

http://www.exepose.ex.ac.uk

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:30 (8 years ago) Permalink

goes from strength to strength -- feeder mention is possibly the high point.

That one guy that quit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:31 (8 years ago) Permalink

System of a Down's top 20 single was six and a half years ago, fact fans.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:32 (8 years ago) Permalink

"Recent developments in music have given Architechs a top 5 single"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (8 years ago) Permalink

surely this can't be THE jonny garrett?

http://www.myspace.com/chasingfaces

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:33 (8 years ago) Permalink

(yeah, they have a myspace already, the sellouts)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

I suspect it must be, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:34 (8 years ago) Permalink

I assume, from their name that they like Snow Patrol and The Small Faces.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

um, holding up articles by students as examples of 'bad music writing'? talk about shooting fish in a barrel. Matt DC OTM.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:35 (8 years ago) Permalink

Following in the footsteps of West Country acts like Muse and Thirteen Senses by already winning over interest from various major and independent record labels, things are definitely looking good for the boys. Having recently been asked to support New Zealand favourites The Checks who have just finished touring with the likes of JET and Oasis.

"I know someone who knows someone who knows the guy from Young Heart Attack quite well"

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (8 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (8 years ago) Permalink

Even in the realm of student media this is BAAAAAAAAD though, Steve - I flick through Exepose every week and this is BY FAR the worst thing I've ever seen in it; hence not starting a thread every week.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:37 (8 years ago) Permalink

Haha I used to write for that paper. I wonder how long before he Googles his own name and finds it.

Matt DC, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:39 (8 years ago) Permalink

It would be so wonderful if he googled this thread and responded. What an utterly thrilling discussion and exchange of views that could lead to.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:40 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hey, with any luck he might hop over to ILE and start posting about his sex life or something.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:41 (8 years ago) Permalink

(my question: is the article motivated by his own band possibly signing to a major soon?)

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (8 years ago) Permalink

Maybe I should unleash the views of Chris Erasmus at you all?

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:42 (8 years ago) Permalink

Haha, yeah, I'd imagine so, StanM.

Scik Mouthy, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hello Jonny's mom! No, he hasn't posted about his sex life yet. Try again later. Bye, ILX.

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:43 (8 years ago) Permalink

blueski and Matt DC offtm, this is the new web2.0 media era, we're all critics now, user provided content is the new professionally written content.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:36 (11 minutes ago) Link

Dom is entirely correct here. I mean, the chuckle factor is diminished by him being a student, but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

sanskrit, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:54 (8 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 12:59 (8 years ago) Permalink

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:03 (8 years ago) Permalink

^^not unrelated to why writers in the say, New York Times tend to sound the same. for that matter, ever read Blender? Despite the bylines it seems to be written by one many-armed poprockbot.

m coleman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:04 (8 years ago) Permalink

that really is quite incredible.

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:07 (8 years ago) Permalink

New York Times doesn't have sub-editors? That's crazy!

acrobat, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:08 (8 years ago) Permalink

Hey Jonny, your band fucking suck.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:10 (8 years ago) Permalink

Jonny Garrett of Exeter University, that is.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:11 (8 years ago) Permalink

I think you mean <a href="OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?;>Jonny Garrett</a> of Exeter University.

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

BOO HTML

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14 (8 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University. Those bastards have had it their own way for too long.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:15 (8 years ago) Permalink

Does Westlife even exist anymore?

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:16 (8 years ago) Permalink

highlights:

"...bands like westlife who can, quite frankly, go screw themselves with a rusty spoon and get tetanus"

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard one of the most influential artists of our time and dave grohl may have never founded the foo fighters."

the pathos!

jed_, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:17 (8 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

democratization of criticism = people slagging this shit off just because they can rather than for any constructive cause. it's just easy target practice, who gives a shit? no-one/nothing is ever going to stop under-grads inheriting these absurd ideas about 'how things should be' in the music industry. surely we've all read this same article many times in the past.

i'm just more relieved than ever my music writing from college days was too soon for blog-era internet heh.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:19 (8 years ago) Permalink

"had nirvana not signed to sub pop... we would probably never have heard of..." Sub Pop.

NickB, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

Was there ever a thread for people to post their own abysmal juvenile music writings from uni days?

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

Not that I'd post on it, my capsule reviews of Kinesis singles were all fuckin bang-on.

Michael Philip Philip Philip philip Annoyman, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:21 (8 years ago) Permalink

perhaps one day i will post my 8/10 track by track review of 'Be Here Now' from the time.

blueski, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:24 (8 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, you real writers are all jealous that you've lost the ability to write like that, aren't you?

StanM, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:26 (8 years ago) Permalink

I wrote a two-part article in my uni paper called "Rhythm & Sound", which basically stated that all rock music that's based on melody or lyrics is boring crap, and that beats and sound are the essential components of good music - hence electronic dance music (and fusion jazz) is the best music there is. I got some angry comments from the indie kids.

Tuomas, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (8 years ago) Permalink

Kudos on sticking it to Westlife, tho, Jonny Garrett of Exeter University.

and kudos to you lot for bravely and relentlessly going after such a signifivcant target as jonny garrett. sure showed him!

ts being one of many thick students w/ bad music taste who can't write, vs being someone who actually gives a shit about what said student writes in some minor student rag

or, matt'n'steve otm, u r all losers

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:27 (8 years ago) Permalink

but the democratization of criticism basically leaves us with this sort of landscape (coughcoughP.E.W.cough).

student newspapers have nothing to do with the "democratization of criticism"

Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

I can't copy and paste from the Exeter Expose, but if you Google you can find a review where our Jonny talks about "Indy music".

Dom Passantino, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:28 (8 years ago) Permalink

also why do nearly all student newspaper writers write in what feels like the same voice? there's certain syntax and word choices that only student newspapers ever seem to have.

paul please, please tell me you don't actually care about the answer to this

lex pretend, Monday, 18 June 2007 13:29 (8 years ago) Permalink

The art of the cover version is as much about re-animation as it is performance, raising the temperature of a stark original to an incandescence that was always lurking at its heart bringing dead songs back to life, which is certainly true of The Velvet Underground's 'Ride Into The Sun' and Brian Eno's 'Here Come The Warm Jets'. A low key invocation of the former blossoms into belligerent rock roar. Whispering, halting vocals dream and distil the music bays and protests in full fury, with a fierce rhino-hide guitar solo at its core. Wah wah pedal delirium and a brisk pace customise Eno's original into a repository of exposition and extension, pushing out the parameters into a hulking mass of guitar-oriented glory with an iron-hard carapace.

http://thequietus.com/articles/18286-bardo-pond-record-store-day-trilogy-review

sʌxihɔːl (Ward Fowler), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 10:37 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

a first-time effort surely

j., Tuesday, 4 August 2015 13:27 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

OK, the idea that cover versions of VU or Eno's tracks bring 'dead songs back to life' seems pretty misguided, but that's not the worst piece of music writing ever.

MikoMcha, Tuesday, 4 August 2015 15:52 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

it's very overwritten but its point is clear enough I think

if ppl want to treat this thread as 'rolling music writing which annoyed me for one reason or another' however then so be it

Hector Ringtone (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 16:24 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

it wouldn't even be the worst piece of music writing today https://archive.is/ZkPs3

for sale: baby shoes, never worn your ass (katherine), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 16:29 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

that deserves to be itt, everything about it is bad

Hector Ringtone (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:01 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

This dude is three years younger than me, but that's apparantly enough distance to where you would use the phrase "the elusive manic pixie dream girl type" without any self-awareness

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:02 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i'm not gonna read all these, did any of the writers seal the deal?: http://noisey.vice.com/columns/first-dates

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:04 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

illusion never changed into something real

welltris (crüt), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:09 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

i guess the headline would change if someone found out that mac demarco was a patient, sensuous lover

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

30+ paragraphs by a self-professed "music writer," a (begrudging) half-sentence about his subject's music

da croupier, Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

forget it, croup, it's noiseytown

dick wet with chickenshit (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:11 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

so it looks like most of these are just frothy q&as, wonder why this time they decided to bless us with the writer's internal monologue. maybe they were worried readers would assume they thought of her as more than just a 18-year-old spankbank entry?

da croupier, Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:15 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

because everyone can relate, man, we're all 18-to-34-year-old males

for sale: baby shoes, never worn your ass (katherine), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:17 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

lol crut

killfile with that .exe, you goon (wins), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:19 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

because everyone can relate, man, we're all 18-to-34-year-old males

Only 3 of those articles were written by men.

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:57 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

yes and the rest are q&as, not first-person narratives, as i mentioned in the post the post you're quoting is referring to

da croupier, Tuesday, 4 August 2015 17:58 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

The title of the article is also I Went On A Date With Everyone's Crush, Natalie Imbruglia. compare that to I Went on a Date with My High School Crush: Taking Back Sunday's Adam Lazzara or simply A First Date With... Sky Ferreira

da croupier, Tuesday, 4 August 2015 18:00 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

though i wouldn't put it past noisey to follow this with a woman's hot'n'heavy I Tried To Fuck Brandon Boyd For All Of Us, though i bet incubus' music would get more than a half-sentence of acknowledgement in that

da croupier, Tuesday, 4 August 2015 18:06 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

god that Imbruglia thing is next-level worthless

the naive cockney chorus (Simon H.), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 18:07 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

jeeeeesus. those aren't just embarrassing, they're offensive

let's not get too excited w/ the ouches (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 18:10 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

not if I had anything to do with it it wouldn't xxp

Hector Ringtone (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 18:14 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

prove me wrong, dj mencap. prove me wrong.

da croupier, Tuesday, 4 August 2015 18:17 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

ugh. reading that made me want to put on more clothes

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 21:04 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

and lock my door

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 4 August 2015 21:04 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

lol

A swarm of antipathy (Re-Make/Re-Model), Wednesday, 5 August 2015 00:08 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

http://www.out.com/positive-voices/2015/8/06/was-80s-new-wave-casualty-aids

Not even close to the worst piece of music writing ever, but this feels like such a missed opportunity on such a fascinating topic. I really would like to read a more thorough piece of writing on this that didn't feel so underdeveloped and end with an oh no you didn't joke about fisting.

The New Gay Sadness (cryptosicko), Sunday, 9 August 2015 02:19 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

<3 mark simpson

pop addicts should "do their thing", whatever that may be (soref), Sunday, 9 August 2015 08:45 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/news/2015/aug/11/classical-one-text-message/#

"Debussy was the first composer up. His Danse sacree et danse profane is not Claire de lune or Prelude to the afternoon of a fawn. This is hard core impressionism and it’s not really easy listening even though there is a harp involved."

rushomancy, Saturday, 15 August 2015 14:06 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

I found the linernotes to the Quicksilver Messenger Service live at the Kabuki theatre pretty risible. The writer decided that the short form was QSM in the first sentence and seems to have kept it consistent throughout the rest of the text. I didn't read right through it since it's a writer I tend to find pretty naff anyway.

Stevolende, Saturday, 15 August 2015 15:58 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

*ctrl + f "high fidelity," finds nothing*

http://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/side-1-track-1-straight-outta-compton-and-the-best-first-songs-ever/

i dont necessarily hate steven hyden but it is like peak obliviousness to base an article around a 5-minute scene in a movie from 18 years ago - a scene ridiculing this sort of geekery - and not even credit it

slothroprhymes, Tuesday, 18 August 2015 19:16 (1 week ago) Permalink

He mentions "Championship Vinyl" at one point and links to the scene

thom yorke state of mind (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 18 August 2015 21:11 (1 week ago) Permalink

That said, it's a dumb article and whatever fun it would be is ruined by too many arbitrary rules

thom yorke state of mind (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 18 August 2015 21:12 (1 week ago) Permalink

Is it my limited understanding of English, or would Eazy 'cuckolding' someone's sister mean doing something Eazy would probably not do?

Frederik B, Tuesday, 18 August 2015 21:32 (1 week ago) Permalink

*facepalm* i don the idiot hat for missing the champ vinyl link xxp

remain irritated tho that all the non-rock inclusions read like, "uugggghhhhh i GUESS i'll put beyonce/young jeezy/daft punk in there" due to hyden's pedigree; i don't necessarily doubt that he listens to shit that isn't rock but i do think that left to his own devices he'd prob make a fairly homogenous list that was almost entirely boomer rock plus maybe some metal and 90s indie-slacker shit

slothroprhymes, Tuesday, 18 August 2015 21:46 (1 week ago) Permalink

what about the bitch that got shot, cuck her

Now Dom Go Suggbanizer Way (Why?) (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 18 August 2015 22:14 (1 week ago) Permalink

that reads like a fantasy football article and/or bill simmons 2.0

ie *shoots self in face*

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 18 August 2015 23:32 (1 week ago) Permalink

lists lists lists ugh

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 18 August 2015 23:32 (1 week ago) Permalink

The main problem I have with Hyden is that the Bill Simmons style just does not work when discussing music.

thom yorke state of mind (voodoo chili), Wednesday, 19 August 2015 00:44 (1 week ago) Permalink

exactly

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 19 August 2015 00:58 (1 week ago) Permalink

Frederik … No. Not least because you can't cuckold a woman. You cuckold her husband. A cuckold is one whose wife has had sex with another man. Also, no particular practices are associated with cuckolding. It's just having sex.

Roaming gang of aggressive circlepits (ithappens), Wednesday, 19 August 2015 08:50 (1 week ago) Permalink

But he says that Eazy wants to cuckold the sister? So is she in a same sex relationship, would that work?

Frederik B, Wednesday, 19 August 2015 09:54 (1 week ago) Permalink

"The lyrics are about the tension of desire, but the mise en scene is power."

Ah yes, of course, the mise en scene of power... (???)

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/20985-m3ll155x/

MikoMcha, Wednesday, 19 August 2015 10:21 (1 week ago) Permalink

Sorry, probably doesn't belong in the "worst" thread, but this still annoys me.

MikoMcha, Wednesday, 19 August 2015 10:23 (1 week ago) Permalink

You'll have to take that up with him, not me, Frederik. It's possible he did not fully understanding the correct meaning of "cuckold".

Roaming gang of aggressive circlepits (ithappens), Wednesday, 19 August 2015 13:21 (1 week ago) Permalink

left to his own devices he'd prob make a fairly homogenous list that was almost entirely boomer rock plus maybe some metal and 90s indie-slacker shit

the rockist swine

Wimmels, Wednesday, 19 August 2015 13:28 (1 week ago) Permalink

xpost The line he's referring to "...and make your sister think I love her" doesn't have anything to do with cuckoldry afaict

Why because she True and Interesting (President Keyes), Wednesday, 19 August 2015 13:54 (1 week ago) Permalink

maybe he used it in the 4chan meme sense

for sale: baby shoes, never worn your ass (katherine), Wednesday, 19 August 2015 14:50 (1 week ago) Permalink

hopefully Rap Genius has answers

Why because she True and Interesting (President Keyes), Wednesday, 19 August 2015 15:07 (1 week ago) Permalink


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