as far as pitchfork is dumb goes, this month's "puritan blister" is up there:
I’d vowed that 2009 would, at least initially, be a year of pure pop escapism, especially after how pointedly/limitingly I used music as a sort of tourniquet/palliative for 2008's psychic wounds. But just two weeks into the new year, a family friend killed himself while arguing with his fiancee. Those of us by whom he is survived are, understandably, agonizing over the subjective prescriptions we could have offered him: religiosity, Successories, credit lines, lasagna, advice, etc. But as ridiculous as it may sound, even by Puritan Blister standards, I am tortured that, as I sat beside him during Christmas dinner, or on New Year's Eve, I didn't recruit him into the cult of Kanye West's latest album, because it might have saved his life, or at least gotten him through the season.
i'm not the type to get offended by things (and this isn't an exeception) but i can imagine someone getting hilariously angry at the writer of the column after reading this. like maybe the fiancee of the guy who offed himself. "oh right, all he need was to have heard 808s and heartbreak a few more times."
http://pitchfork.com/features/puritan-blister/7587-puritan-blister-42/
― samosa gibreel, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 02:42 (fifteen years ago) link
Yeah, that's . . . not well thought-out.
― Daniel, Esq., Tuesday, 31 March 2009 02:45 (fifteen years ago) link
It resonates with me, actually.
― ilxor, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 02:48 (fifteen years ago) link
WOW
― elan, Tuesday, 31 March 2009 02:55 (fifteen years ago) link
ilxor is so clearly a sock
― autogucci cru (deej), Tuesday, 31 March 2009 03:01 (fifteen years ago) link
I'm sure it was written with good intentions, but using your friend's tragic story as a framing device to write about the new Kanye West album seems inappropriate (to me, at least). Especially given how serious the situation apparently was: "K---- shot himself in the head, in front of his intended, who'd been re-contacting an ex and who was threatening to leave him."
― Daniel, Esq., Tuesday, 31 March 2009 03:03 (fifteen years ago) link
in today's Prince review written by the guy who started this thread, he refers to himself as 31 a paragraph after implying a birthdate that would make him 29
― brewer and what (some dude), Monday, 13 April 2009 14:10 (fifteen years ago) link
His rise to success, beginning with 1979's Prince, pretty much mirrored my pre-adolescent development as a music fan.
You think this implies that Jess was born in 1979? That seems like a big leap.
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Monday, 13 April 2009 15:17 (fifteen years ago) link
lol they edited it. when i read it, it said something like "Prince's first album, released only a few months after I was born..."
― europeen handball (k3vin k.), Monday, 13 April 2009 15:21 (fifteen years ago) link
That's true, though. Jess was born Feb. 21, 1978. For You was released in October 1978.
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Monday, 13 April 2009 15:27 (fifteen years ago) link
lol jaymc
― I'm crossing over into enterprise (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 13 April 2009 15:30 (fifteen years ago) link
good review btw
― Ømår Littel (Jordan), Monday, 13 April 2009 15:31 (fifteen years ago) link
^^ (xp)
they've def edited it in the past hour, though. not a big deal really tho imo, and it was a pretty good review
― europeen handball (k3vin k.), Monday, 13 April 2009 15:32 (fifteen years ago) link
yeah not a big deal at all, just wanted to clown jess in his own thread for old times sake
― brewer and what (some dude), Monday, 13 April 2009 15:36 (fifteen years ago) link
I'm sure it was written with good intentions, but using your friend's tragic story as a framing device to write about the new Kanye West album seems inappropriateYeah, and claiming that listening to a record could have saved this poor guy's life is just boneheaded and minimizes the tragedy.
― Jazzbo, Monday, 13 April 2009 15:57 (fifteen years ago) link
PB is usually my favorite read on pitchfork but the last couple have been questionable.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 13 April 2009 16:20 (fifteen years ago) link
that article is terrible
― goole, Monday, 13 April 2009 16:21 (fifteen years ago) link
How to let K----‘s death be about K----, and avoid letting it serve as an excuse to lube up the gorge of self-trivia? I mean, pop's escape has nothing to offer if one can't weather the phrase "I just died in your arms tonight"! I feel suddenly mean about an unsympathetic post-mortem review of an Elliott Smith disc that I typed for (cheap irony alert) No Depression.
― goole, Monday, 13 April 2009 16:22 (fifteen years ago) link
http://pitchfork.com/news/35087-lil-waynes-latest-amazing-mixtape-cover/
if lil wayne bootleg mixtape covers are "news" then 77 is like the new york times
http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=66238
― the sultan of ban (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 15 April 2009 17:53 (fifteen years ago) link
Album-covers-as-"news" is a part of EVERY successful music site tho. As pretty much the first sign that an album is ready, you instantly become one the first google hits as it nears release date. These days, music writing is all internet math, and that's true for every website, not just pfork
― Whiney G. Weingarten, Wednesday, 15 April 2009 17:59 (fifteen years ago) link
even the jaded snarkballs at idolator do it
well imo "reporting" on the "release" of the decemberists' new album cover is one thing, but doing the same for a bootleg mixtape as if there aren't 495898 hilarious photoshopped mixtape covers every day is another
― the sultan of ban (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 15 April 2009 18:02 (fifteen years ago) link
i kno im getting pedantic but it's not like its a "lil wayne mixtape" -- if in 10 mins i rounded up leaked cam'ron tracks and made a zip and then photoshopped his face over billy mays's body and put jim jones' face in a juicer, i wouldn't expect pfork to "report" on it
― the sultan of ban (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 15 April 2009 18:04 (fifteen years ago) link
as if cam'ron was releasing a new mixtape with a hilarious cam'ron sanctioned cover
slow news day i guess \o_O/ + it is a funny cover
― the sultan of ban (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 15 April 2009 18:05 (fifteen years ago) link
that cover is sick!
― hop up out the bed, turn my Drag-On (surfboard dudes get wiped out, totally), Wednesday, 15 April 2009 18:06 (fifteen years ago) link
dude, yahoo and cnn fill their quotas with a stable of wacky "news," why would a music website be any different?
― Whiney G. Weingarten, Wednesday, 15 April 2009 18:19 (fifteen years ago) link
They could just hype up a worthless band or two and use their "output" as filler quota material and then dump them a year later when there's actually news on bands people like to report.
Just sayin'.
― mh, Wednesday, 15 April 2009 18:34 (fifteen years ago) link
"Do purple pontiffs leave paisley piles in the Minnesota woods?"
i miss jess being around
― elan, Wednesday, 15 April 2009 23:45 (fifteen years ago) link
no sarge you do have a point, wtf is the point in putting up a bulletin about an "amazing" garden variety mixtape cover that has nothing to do w/ the artist's official output
― brewer and what (some dude), Wednesday, 15 April 2009 23:52 (fifteen years ago) link
i know they throw 10s at reissues all the time but putting them in "best new music" is a little nutty. been thinking for a long time they should just create a special reissues section apart from the new album reviews.
― brewer and what (some dude), Thursday, 16 April 2009 13:14 (fifteen years ago) link
yeah it's not included in the BNM section though, it's just given the tag next to the review. which is a little confusing
― europeen handball (k3vin k.), Thursday, 16 April 2009 15:15 (fifteen years ago) link
btw starting threads about batshit pitchfork reviews is so 2002
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 20 April 2009 23:28 (fifteen years ago) link
ok pitchfork is dumb: none of your old links work anymore
― the great wallogina (k3vin k.), Monday, 20 April 2009 23:34 (fifteen years ago) link
lol @ JT Ramsay
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Monday, 20 April 2009 23:37 (fifteen years ago) link
Let's just admit it: "JT Ramsay" was a pseudonym Jaymc wrote under
If you don't believe me, note that JT RAMSAY is an easy anagram for "SMART JAY"
― nabisco, Monday, 20 April 2009 23:39 (fifteen years ago) link
in the tradition of Pfork anagrams: I always thought Sam Ubl was a fake name because it's an anagram of "Albums."
Nice dude, tho.
― all the some dudes (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 20 April 2009 23:41 (fifteen years ago) link
JT too fwiw
Mullah Omar, though, that was real.
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Monday, 20 April 2009 23:56 (fifteen years ago) link
llama humor
― nabisco, Monday, 20 April 2009 23:57 (fifteen years ago) link
whatever, Neat Hubbies
― all the some dudes (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:04 (fifteen years ago) link
says a cheerer throwing pints like you
― the great wallogina (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:08 (fifteen years ago) link
a hip screenwriter thong
― the great wallogina (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:09 (fifteen years ago) link
:o
― s1ocki, Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:20 (fifteen years ago) link
You forgot Cheetahs Rewriting Porn.
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:27 (fifteen years ago) link
whatever happened to pitchfork mail? trying to remember the girl's name
― kamerad, Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:29 (fifteen years ago) link
Catherine Lewis?
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:34 (fifteen years ago) link
could be her. all trace of the pitchfork mailbag has been wiped from the interwebss, so not sure for sure. this is all i knowtortoise=he loved him madly (miles)STRONGO HULKINGTON RATES THE PITCHFORK SUPERHUNKS
Editor-in-Chief/Publisher
Ryan Schreiber - more shemp than curly joe
Associate Editor-in-Chief
Scott Plagenhoef - young warren beatty/late ned beatty
Senior News Editor
Amy Phillips - 80s mary lou retton
News Editor
Matthew Solarski - tommy chong circa that 70s show
Associate Editors
Jessica Suarez - free to be you and me-era marlo thomas
Catherine Lewis - that girl-era marlo thomas
Mark Richardson - martha quinn/colin quinn mash-up
Assistant Editor
Tyler Grisham - george wendt in mj's "black or white" video
Senior Contributor
Mark Richardson - didn't we already do this guy?
Lead Reporters
Paul Thompson - lead character in big johnson t-shirt line
Dave Maher - reese witherspoon circa election
Senior Photographer
Catherine Lewis - brandy and monica shoved through conan o'brien "if they mated" machine
Associate Publisher
Chris Kaskie - max weinberg
General Manager
Megan Davey - dave foley as man servant hecubus
Senior Account Manager
Nate Hileman - dave foley shilling for espn poker
Contributing Writers
[nabisco] [.] - martin landau circa ed woodZach Baron - jelly roll morton on his death bedTom Breihan - manute bol just after blowing 91 playoffsStuart Berman - chuck close paintingD. Shawn Bosler - mayor mccheese after inaugurationWilliam Bowers - tv's matlockSam Chennault - salacious crumbMartin Clark - pete bestLiz Colville - kennedy after getting chewed out at mtv movie awards by ed wood-era martin landauJason Crock - lil jon in that infamous high school yearbook photoGrayson Currin - sly stone on 2006 grammysChris Dahlen - mr. peanutDrew Daniel - august "kid creole" darnellStephen M. Deusner -Ryan Dombal - flashman from megaman 2Tom Ewing - orson welles as harry limeTim Finney - george clooneyJess Harvell - the mother in what's eating gilbert grapeEric Harvey - dave mustaineMarc Hogan - orko from he-manBrian Howe - mel gibson mugshotJoshua Klein - burgess meredith as the penguinMatt LeMay - drunk brandon frasierDominique Leone - natasha leoneMarc Masters - amy winehouse pre-cokeRob Mitchum - amy winehouse post-cokeAdam Moerder - turbo teenMatthew Murphy - jeff koons painting where he's fucking his wifeJ. Niimi - bun e. carlosNate Patrin - one of the soggies from 1985 cap'n crunch adAmanda Petrusich - justin timberlake in nipplegate photoMark Pytlik - dave thomas (pere ubu)David Raposa - dave thomas (wendy's)Julianne Shepherd - dave thomas (sctv)Philip Sherburne - michael anthony from van halenDave Stelfox - david yow's penisBrandon Stosuy - post-op genesis p-orridgeJoe Tangari - joe tangariStephen Troussé - the evil pieman from strawberry shortcakeCarl Wilson - dr. fadDouglas Wolk - too $hort
News Team
Matt Amis - peleMairead Case - miles davis circa 1972Kavitha Chekuru - the members of the bay city rollers in aggregateJonah Flicker - burl ivesJames Gregory - frances bean cobainDavid Nadelle - lala telletubbyZach Vowell - professor griff
Albums
Sam Ubl
― kamerad, Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:54 (fifteen years ago) link
Pitchfork review in not getting it SHOCKAH
― kamerad, Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:56 (fifteen years ago) link
track reviews have been the source of some epic bs lately
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/11319-im-good/
Surrounded by such Euro-cheese, Pusha and Mal sound utterly lost-- blank, tired, and detached, and not at all compellingly so, as they were on "Emotionless". Over three verses, the sharpest shit either of them manage is "today was a good day, ice cubes on my chest" and "swimmin through the streets, lookin like I'm Shamu." After years of weathering bullshit and coming out stronger and more determined, it seems the Thornton Brothers are starting to sag inwardly, and at this point, who could blame them?
so pfork finally gets around to criticizing the clipse and then the review ends by saying "but who could blame them for making a shitty song!?"
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/11302-birthday-sex-remix-ft-r-kelly/
the pop revolution pitchfork of 04-05 never would've let "birthday sex" slip under the radar but finally getting around to reviewing the washed-up r. kelly version of the song and then saying that his autotuned nonsense is better than the original version is some serious lapdog bs
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/11317-olympus/
this guy is kinda the king of writing a bunch of words but not saying a damn thing
― swag serf (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 17 June 2009 06:16 (fourteen years ago) link
That Clipse thing is a shame, I usually like dude.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 17 June 2009 06:24 (fourteen years ago) link