Pitchfork review in not getting it SHOCKAH

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http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/b/black-box-recorder/passionoia.shtml

On black box recorder. I don't know why I'm even posting this.

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 23:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

you are sick like dog

jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 23:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

I like the flashing advert for Forms :Icarus "fortified with Seve Albini and good for you"

girl scout heroin (iamamonkey), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 23:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

That review was unreadable. sob*

Carey (Carey), Thursday, 20 March 2003 01:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

Good Lord.

I think BBR are about a fiftieth as good as the Auteurs (who were pathy themselves but the 4th album is excellent), not that that's relevant here really.

Tom (Groke), Thursday, 20 March 2003 01:35 (twenty-one years ago) link

Pitchfork reviews often remind me of that Simpsons where Bart is staring at his shoes and comparing Lisa's troubles to a champion knot stopping his knot-tying in the middle of tying a knot.

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

i still read pfork every day. it's a bit masochistic, but i can't help it. as they continue to add "new" reviewers, i can't help but think they're just the old reviews with new, made-up names.

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

typo. champion knot tier. and I too, check every day. Though I must confess I usually just read the news, the interview if I care, and only the grades of the reviews.

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

(I apologize for two of mine but that's it.)

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

(One and a half, actually.)

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

I mean okay I have my gripes with the general music press but I realized why pitchfork rankles -- when the music press gets things wrong generally its out of laziness, going with the hype machine, overblowing things, etc. But when pitchfork gets it wrong its like they get it absolutely wrong, like they don't just have a warmed-over slipshod approach, but some reviewer put loads of time and thought into inventing completely new and absurd ways to miss the point. Indie-centric blinkers may be part of the blame here, but there's more at work; a certain type of smarter-than-thou distrust of recieved wisdom without anything to replace it with, like these wild WHAT THE FUCK moments all explained with a twist and a flourish.

I mean The funniest thing about Black Box Recorder has always been that, embodying all things British, they end up sounding French.!!!???

Right. classic what the fuck moment there.

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 20 March 2003 05:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

Okay, I was wondering about that, but here's the thing: which half of that do you have the problem with? (I follow one half but not the other, and I'm curious if we're on the same sides of it.)

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 07:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

Neither half makes any sense to me. Nor the rest of the review.

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 20 March 2003 07:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

Weirdly, I sort of see the French thing, I just never got the impression they were "embodying all things British." (Anyway sounding French is surely as British as sounding Mexican is American.)

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 08:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

maybe they "embody all things British" by having, you know, accents

M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 20 March 2003 08:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

There are talented songwriters who make disdain for the listener a part of their mystique (yup, Will Oldham), but Haines must be the only one to fashion it into a persistent lyrical trope.

Frank Zappa to review!

M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 20 March 2003 08:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

read the whole thing and while he does get a few things horribly wrong ("life is unfair/kill yourself or get over it" isn't an invitation, it's a mockery of someone's whining, you dumbass) it's not as bad as I thought it was. of course, I haven't heard the new album yet so maybe I'm missing things here.

M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 20 March 2003 09:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

well i have heard it and the reviewer is pretty well OTM. anyway, don't the majesticons do this sort of thing much better these days?

Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 09:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

"You are sick like dog"

Funny.

Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 20 March 2003 10:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

the majesticons don't do anything well

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 13:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

Fuck Pitchfork up the ass. I can't stand that site. I know a lot of you ILMers here write for them. WHY???

Evan (Evan), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

Everyone in this thread writes for Pitchfork. It's all good natured ribbing, and they all love it.

dleone (dleone), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

The other thing that rilly irked me was the Andrew Rigely bit where the "ooh! Wham! Who remembers them? haha its so funny that BBR do" aspect seems to overwhelm any greater critical understanding and then BBR's "linear narratives" are praised coz y'know nobody tells stories anymore oh and then christ what's so fucking French about BBR? I had no idea that synthpop was a purely French phenom & what about the gag on all that in "French Rock & Roll" anyway? Hello?

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Andrew Ridgeley" mocks celebrity in general by dredging up the lesser half of Wham! for exaggerated worship.

Explain how this equals "ooh! Wham! Who remembers them?" please.

Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

exaggerated worship.

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

That presupposes that Wham! were worth worshipping in the first place, which they weren't.

Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

sez you

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

BOW DOWN BEFORE THE GEEEEENIOUS THAT IS ANDREW RIDGELY, YOU DISGUSTING PHILISTINES!

Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

At least I can spell his name corretcly.

Defend them then.

Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

marcello no one wants to play with you when you shift into "defend the opposite point of view at all costs" mode

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

It's fun to watch, though.

mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

was andrew ridgeley more intelligent than george michael? invests his royalties wisely, buys a nice house on the coast, marries a bananarama, spends all his time racing cars and windsurfing...

Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

ah, the "finer" things in life

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:33 (twenty-one years ago) link

lose those inverted commas, harvell, you know you want it...

Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

Compared to Victoria Beckham, Ridgely is clearly as thick as pig's poo.

Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

Could Jess, Marcello and Lord Custos Epsilon each summarize their true feelings about Andrew Ridgeley? I need to update my scorecard.

Mark (MarkR), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

mark, plz don't mention my name in that context anymore

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:12 (twenty-one years ago) link

< /SARCASM >Andrew Ridgeley == Irrelevant. "Son of Albert" wasn't even bad in a 'fun' way.

Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 20 March 2003 17:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

Sterling, I haven't heard the new one but my memory of previous BBR stuff is that I could see it as vaguely French -- spiritually more than musically -- in the sense of (a) Scott Walker's Brel stuff (okay Brel was Belgian, right? but still), or (b) Haines as a crusty disgruntled Gainsbourg type, or maybe (c) sort of in the sense of McLaren's Paris stuff or I dunno ... I haven't gotten really in touch with the BBR stuff to have a close opinion on this issue, but someone says "they sound French" and on some unimportant level I can sort of go "hahaha yeah I'll buy that."

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 17:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

don't playa-hate...congratulate.

Andrew Ridgely (J0hn Darn1elle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 19:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

Okay here's the problem... "Andrew Rigely" the track has little to do with celebrity per. se and everything to do with the synthpop revolution and the reviewer is denser than dense for missing that.

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 21 March 2003 06:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

I am still disappointed in nabisco for writing for such a shoddy publication. Both ethically and aesthetically Pitchfork is horrid.

Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 24 March 2003 19:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

I am still disappointed in nabisco for writing for such a shoddy publication

but enough about ILx....

M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 24 March 2003 19:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

I am still disappointed in nabisco for writing for such a shoddy publication. Both ethically and aesthetically Pitchfork is horrid.

What problem do have w/ Pitchfork's ethics?

Mark (MarkR), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:29 (twenty-one years ago) link

I've just realised what it is annoys me about this:

Haines even finds time to riff on his status as the band's ventriloquist...

Not one mention of John Moore. Not one single bloody mention. Him and Haines co-write all the frigging songs, for fuck's sakes. He must be one of the most ignored men in popular music, like, ever.

Grr.

Other than that, it's not too far off. But that whole overtone of BBR as being entirely "criminal mastermind Luke Haines" really fucking grates after a while.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

What problem do have w/ Pitchfork's ethics?

For one, their across-the-board holocaust denial.*

*this may not be true.

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

kinda like lumping nas in with ja rule as "pretenders to his (tu pac's) throne."

S>C>, Monday, 24 March 2003 20:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

Actually nothing like that.

[Anyone notice how long dumbfucks can harbor grudges?]

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

What problem do have w/ Pitchfork's ethics?

Ryan Schreiber's treatment of potential writers is, at best, unprofessional and reflects poorly on Pitchfork.

At worst, it is repellent and makes the whole enterprise look abusive.

Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

(oops sc I just remembered who you are. didn't mean to be that nasty to you. but honestly, dragging in unrelated things c or d?)

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 24 March 2003 21:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ok another thing is that it gets a supah-indie reading all through the "commentary on their fame" etcetc. reflexiveness when in fact the album seems much more about the usual dead empire dry suburbs stuff of Haines work, themes on englishness which the reviewer completely bypasses.

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 24 March 2003 21:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

the blood brothers are the most abrasive hardcore underground band in the USA.

gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 24 March 2003 21:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

Consumers can readily purchase a three-CD Angus MacLise box set.

hstencil, Monday, 24 March 2003 21:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

*adamantly* greg ginn did NOT play a clear guitar

gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 24 March 2003 21:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

Wow. In addition to 'not getting it' and being generally quite obnoxious, he dismisses the only good song on the album out of hand. If you ask me, "The School Song" is fantastic, but unfortunately the only really worthwhile song on the record.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 24 March 2003 21:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

Also: could someone please elaborate on the whole Pitchfork-is-unethical-in-its-treatment-of-writers thing? I'm very curious.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 24 March 2003 21:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

Email Melissa.

Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 24 March 2003 22:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

i think 'The School Song' is great and 'Andrew Ridgeley' is cute - i should probably hear other BBR and Auteurs now right? where is their cover of 'Uptown Top Ranking' from btw? its fecking class i say

stevem (blueski), Monday, 24 March 2003 22:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

it's on the singles collection. it was probably a b-side

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 24 March 2003 22:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

I fear that I stand alone on liking Being Number One, British Racing Green and I Ran All The Way Home above all others, then? For some reason I always liked their quiet ones the best.

But BBR = class in a glass. Uptown Top Ranking is off England Made Me, the first album.

Search in particular for The Worst Of Black Box Recorder, their B-Sides album - it's an import, I think, but it's possibly their best actual album. The cover of Rock 'n' Roll Suicide is particularly swish.

The Auteurs... well, I've got at least two of their albums (I think I might have another, but I forget)... not sure I fully appreciate 'em just yet.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 24 March 2003 22:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ah - the remix of URR is on the b-sides collection.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 24 March 2003 22:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Or as a B-Side on one of the CD singles of The Art Of Driving. Can't remember if it was CD1 or CD2, just that I got the other one in an attempt to propel it further up the charts. Think it end up nestling in the low 60's.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 24 March 2003 22:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

In fact, no, it was definitely CD2. It has Sarah Nixey hanging limply from the back seat of a crashed 1980's saloon in funeral gear, and comes bundled with the video for The Facts Of Life.

CD1 has the full shot of the car with all three BBR's bleeding over it. The B-Sides are Rock 'n' Roll suicide and The Chocolate Layers remix of The Facts Of Life. It cost me £1.99 from the Our Price opposite Brixton tube, back when it was an Our Price and not a V.Shop or Megastore Express or whatever the hell it's called now. First single I ever bought. Nostalgia... *blub*

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 24 March 2003 22:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

Is there anything on telly tonight?

Failing that, anyone got any ideas on a decent club to manage on the demo of CM4?

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 24 March 2003 22:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

Actually I now really regret posting that. If you come across this before I get a moderator to destroy it, please ignore: I know nothing about this situation and don't want to get involved in any hearsay or gossip about it.

nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 00:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

(you're welcome)

jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 00:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Thanks, Jess. Would it be too much to ask to snip my apology, too? Without the original post it looks like I was unleashing some serious scandal, whereas it was actually quite lame.

nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 25 March 2003 00:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

two years pass...
One of the most annoying thing a music review can do, in my opinion, is analyze the lyrics of the song and then tell you what it really means. Especially when you're pretty sure that their analysis is dead wrong.

Here's today's Magnolia Electric Co review: http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/m/magnolia-electric-co/hard-to-love-a-man.shtml

These three songs lead us back to the title track, which kicks off the EP. The first single from this year's album What Comes After the Blues, the depressive "Hard to Love a Man" finds Molina singing presumably about himself in second person: "It was hard to love a man like you/good-bye was half the words you knew." The song, like the man, retreats into itself, the elegant blending of pinprick guitars, drums, and truly alien pedal steel creating a new, closed-off world within the song.

After listening to that song a million times, I'm pretty sure he's singing about his father, not himself from the perspective of somebody else. "While you was waiting for me not to call, I sent my love. In a life built out of goodbyes, is there even room for you to try? It was hard to love a man like you, goodbye is just what you do." That's pretty much all the words, and hey, to me it sounds like he's dealing with a detached father. It could be any number of things, maybe an ex-boyfriend or something. Or maybe the song is from the perspective of a woman to her ex-boyfriend, or father, or hell, brother. Point is, the song could be from any perspective, and I imagine that it is from somebody else ("me") singing about Jason Molina to be highly unlikely. To just flat out throw it out there in the review as if it's what the song is really about comes off as didactic and pompous.

And then, what the fuck is with the next part?

The song, like the man, retreats into itself, the elegant blending of pinprick guitars, drums, and truly alien pedal steel creating a new, closed-off world within the song.

What the hell does that even mean? The song retreats into itself, creating a closed-off world within the song? Sure, whatever. Would it still do that if it weren't for the lyrics, or "like the man"? Please, don't use some lyrical interpretation to explain an abstract concept regarding the instrumentation that doesn't even make sense.

Now I remember why I stopped reading PFM reviews.

Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:12 (eighteen years ago) link

Ha, Mickey, I think you might be right but you DO understand the meaning of the word "presumably," don't you?

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:17 (eighteen years ago) link

Yes, I do, but I still stand by my critique.

Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:19 (eighteen years ago) link

I mean, it's a real short review. Almost half of it is that part I pasted about the lyrical interpretation and then comparing that to the instrumentation. It's bad enough to base almost half a review on a presumed lyrical interpretation, but when that interpretation seems pretty ridiculous, it's indefensible.

The review reminds me of when PFM interviewed Arcade Fire, and there was the one point where they were like, "Hey, your song [whatever], I'm pretty sure it's about this. [Blah blah blah]."

Arcade Fire: "Uh, not really..."

PFM: "Ok, next question."

Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:21 (eighteen years ago) link

If you don't like Pitchfork, don't read it.

Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:25 (eighteen years ago) link

On what planet is 425 words a "short review?"

Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Thursday, 15 December 2005 18:55 (eighteen years ago) link

It's this thing called the Internet.

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Point taken. It is short for Pitchfork, though. There's only one shorter review today, at 401 words. This one is 962 words.

Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:01 (eighteen years ago) link

Goddamn longwinded Nabisco...

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:02 (eighteen years ago) link

I still fear the day when Scott or Ryan shoots a review back to me with a copy of the word count guidelines attached; writing shorter definitely tops the long list of things I need to get better at.

This Magnolia thing is an EP with a previously-released album track: 425 words is pretty decent!

I mostly just posted to this thread because of the "presumably." The picking on the review seemed like a whole lot of frustration over the fact that, in the end, you don't think he interpreted the lyrics right. Which you may be right about, but I don't think there should be anything so maddening or "indefensible" about it -- he just read a line differently than you did!

nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:57 (eighteen years ago) link

nabisco, you're right that his interpretation of a line is the crux of my argument, but it's more than that. He interpretted the entire song wrong, not just one line. And then he used his interpretation as the way of analyzing the song's instrumentation in a way that doesn't even make sense. And that's about half the review, completely off the mark. As to the other half of the review, well, I haven't heard the EP yet.

Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:15 (eighteen years ago) link

one dude having a different interpretation without hearing the EP = 13 (now 14) posts = another irreplaceable chunk of a finite and rapidly dwindling lifetime

SHOCKAH

marc h. (marc h.), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:23 (eighteen years ago) link

Animal Collective
Who Could Win a Rabbit (single)
[Fat-Cat; 2004]
Rating: 9.2

The Animal Collective sings, "you can win a rabbit, you can rabbit or the fast track or (something something)." Presumably the line refers to the new McDonalds Happy Meals in which one possible toy is a stuffed rabbit. Like the McDonalds Big Mac, the song is a delicious mixture acoustic guitar and percussion, making the most high satured fat song in his recent history. The layers of acoustic guitar are smothered in specail sauce, lettuce, and tomatoes.

-Ryan Schreiber, December 15, 2005

xpost
marc, that song is on the last album. I've heard that particular song many many times.

Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:24 (eighteen years ago) link

They give singles star ratings, not points, dumbass.

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:25 (eighteen years ago) link

Hey, look who's back: it's the hate thread about the first review I ever wrote for Pitchfork! Awwwww!

I'll celebrate by answering one of these almost three-year-old charges:

I just never got the impression they were "embodying all things British."

Mr. Matos, I cordially invite you on a leisurely stroll through some BBR song titles: England Made Me, The English Motorway System, British Racing Green, The New Diana, When Britain Refused To Sing... Not to mention Haines's England Vs. America, The South Will Rise Again, "Oh to be in England on a Sunday," etc.

OK, and another one, about how I (horrors) snubbed John Moore: People deluding themselves into thinking that Moore has significant songwriting input in BBR are encouraged to compare How I Learned To Love The Bootboys (The Auteurs, with no Moore in sight), The Facts Of Life (BBR, with Moore) and The Oliver Twist Manifesto (Haines solo): all three albums are completely consistent, all three utilize the same production techniques, the same songwriting tricks (last verses keep getting transposed up a tone), the same instrumentation, the same lyrical obsessions. All three are clearly written by the same man.

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:25 (eighteen years ago) link

owned :(

Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF SHIT BIRDS

THE BOSS OF THIS SITE CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF!

- Bob

http://www.zangerbob.nl

MICKEY IS RIGHT, Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:35 (eighteen years ago) link

Finally, something to raise the level of discussion around here.

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:37 (eighteen years ago) link

haha I promise that wasn't me

Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:38 (eighteen years ago) link

Americans in thinking Britian and England are totally interchangable terms non-shocker!

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:38 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh for God's sake. I'm not even American.

Fine, let's go:

"Do you know the history / Of the British Isles? We are born to be servile / Would you die for your country?"

Is Haines talking about England specifically? Or is he positioning "England" more in relation to the rest of the world (say, France - "French Rock'N'Roll," "New French Girlfriend," those "continental cigarettes" in "Johnny & The Hurricanes," "There were real Europeans in bars across the land" etc), as opposed to, say, England vs Wales?

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:45 (eighteen years ago) link

Here's a relevant interview snippet, too:

[Haines is] at pains to express his oblique liking for England - the country which, after all, made him. But with Black Box Recorder's debut album England Made Me, he reckons the press got it all wrong. "They got this angle that somehow it was a critique of New Labour, but really it was just an affectionate look at the rotten aspects of England that John (Moore) and myself enjoy," he explains. "We would have a game of good thing, bad thing. Lord Lucan? Good thing. Jeffrey Archer? Definitely good thing. You can simplify most things in life and it straddles some areas of bad taste. But we have an affection for the rotten-ness of England that we remember growing up in. I can remember those sorts of things more than anything to do with popular culture."

The kind of incident that influences Haines' writing is certainly not whether Posh'n'Becks have new hairstyles. "I remember the whole Jeremy Thorpe incident with some fondness. And the John Stonehouse disappearance. Those are the kind of things that informed my childhood and they came back on England Made Me," he says. "I'm sure there are other incidences on that album - on Hated Sunday: 'Oh to be in England on a Sunday, dear old dismal England on a Sunday...' That's said meaning we'd rather be here than anywhere else. There are references to English things, but they're affectionate. And if not affectionate then observational."

So it's official - Luke Haines likes Blighty after all. "And the older I get the more I dislike foreign travel anyway. Travel narrows the mind," he offers.

joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 15 December 2005 21:01 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...
http://www.thephoenix.com/article_ektid37404.aspx

Dom Passantino, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Ryan Pitchfork: sexier than Scooter Libby.

The Reverend, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:18 (seventeen years ago) link

oh come on, there's no way he's uglier than kim jong-il

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:19 (seventeen years ago) link

THAT is even more hater-y than Dr. Morbius on the Tarantino thread

Dimension 5ive, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:21 (seventeen years ago) link

i shudder to think where i'd end up in a similar list

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:24 (seventeen years ago) link

somewhere between donal logue and the giant king mask from the burger king ads

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:24 (seventeen years ago) link

enuf with the sexual fantasies dammit

Dimension 5ive, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:26 (seventeen years ago) link

ok someone do a parody one for jess

deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:29 (seventeen years ago) link

PEREZ HILTONJESS HARVELL
Bloggist

Exponentially overhyped gossip blogger whose sense of entitlement far outweighs his actual contribution to society. And, oh yeah, he’s gross, too.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Jokes, bruv.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:34 (seventeen years ago) link

lol ronaldinho is #55

deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:37 (seventeen years ago) link

[55] RONALDINHO
Goal getter

The world’s greatest soccer player is so ugly, even his action figure has buck teeth. Kissing him must be like getting kicked in the face by a donkey.

deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:37 (seventeen years ago) link

jess what about writing for an altweekly makes people want to create articles this meanspirited

deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:38 (seventeen years ago) link

“It’s like he’s got a lazy eye, only it’s his whole face.”

^^^thats a pretty funny one re: jay-z

deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:38 (seventeen years ago) link

lack of pay? self-loathing? alcoholism?

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:39 (seventeen years ago) link

just hitting the basics here

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:41 (seventeen years ago) link

C'mon, Jess, you know alt-weekies are our last lines of defense against tyranny, corporate oppression, mass-culture conformism, not really caring what the owners of random websites look like, and having to book escorts through Craiglist like we don't have telephones or something.

nabisco, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:49 (seventeen years ago) link

i pay my rent on those tranny hookers, damn you

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:51 (seventeen years ago) link

hi, i'm relatively new to the whole pitchfork sucks thing, so if someone could gimme like a quick breakdown as to why it gets so much flack, i'd really appreciate it! thanks!

Surmounter, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:52 (seventeen years ago) link

BRING BACK BRENT D

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:53 (seventeen years ago) link

STRONGO HULKINGTON RATES THE PITCHFORK SUPERHUNKS

Editor-in-Chief/Publisher

Ryan Schreiber - more shemp than curly joe

Associate Editor-in-Chief

Scott Plagenhoef - young warren beatty/late ned beatty

Senior News Editor

Amy Phillips - 80s mary lou retton

News Editor

Matthew Solarski - tommy chong circa that 70s show

Associate Editors

Jessica Suarez - free to be you and me-era marlo thomas

Catherine Lewis - that girl-era marlo thomas

Mark Richardson - martha quinn/colin quinn mash-up

Assistant Editor

Tyler Grisham - george wendt in mj's "black or white" video

Senior Contributor

Mark Richardson - didn't we already do this guy?

Lead Reporters

Paul Thompson - lead character in big johnson t-shirt line

Dave Maher - reese witherspoon circa election

Senior Photographer

Catherine Lewis - brandy and monica shoved through conan o'brien "if they mated" machine

Associate Publisher

Chris Kaskie - max weinberg

General Manager

Megan Davey - dave foley as man servant hecubus

Senior Account Manager

Nate Hileman - dave foley shilling for espn poker

Contributing Writers

Nitsuh Abebe - martin landau circa ed wood
Zach Baron - jelly roll morton on his death bed
Tom Breihan - manute bol just after blowing 91 playoffs
Stuart Berman - chuck close painting
D. Shawn Bosler - mayor mccheese after inauguration
William Bowers - tv's matlock
Sam Chennault - salacious crumb
Martin Clark - pete best
Liz Colville - kennedy after getting chewed out at mtv movie awards by ed wood-era martin landau
Jason Crock - lil jon in that infamous high school yearbook photo
Grayson Currin - sly stone on 2006 grammys
Chris Dahlen - mr. peanut
Drew Daniel - august "kid creole" darnell
Stephen M. Deusner -
Ryan Dombal - flashman from megaman 2
Tom Ewing - orson welles as harry lime
Tim Finney - george clooney
Jess Harvell - the mother in what's eating gilbert grape
Eric Harvey - dave mustaine
Marc Hogan - orko from he-man
Brian Howe - mel gibson mugshot
Joshua Klein - burgess meredith as the penguin
Matt LeMay - drunk brandon frasier
Dominique Leone - natasha leone
Marc Masters - amy winehouse pre-coke
Rob Mitchum - amy winehouse post-coke
Adam Moerder - turbo teen
Matthew Murphy - jeff koons painting where he's fucking his wife
J. Niimi - bun e. carlos
Nate Patrin - one of the soggies from 1985 cap'n crunch ad
Amanda Petrusich - justin timberlake in nipplegate photo
Mark Pytlik - dave thomas (pere ubu)
David Raposa - dave thomas (wendy's)
Julianne Shepherd - dave thomas (sctv)
Philip Sherburne - michael anthony from van halen
Dave Stelfox - david yow's penis
Brandon Stosuy - post-op genesis p-orridge
Joe Tangari - joe tangari
Stephen Troussé - the evil pieman from strawberry shortcake
Carl Wilson - dr. fad
Douglas Wolk - too $hort

News Team

Matt Amis - pele
Mairead Case - miles davis circa 1972
Kavitha Chekuru - the members of the bay city rollers in aggregate
Jonah Flicker - burl ives
James Gregory - frances bean cobain
David Nadelle - lala telletubby
Zach Vowell - professor griff

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:25 (seventeen years ago) link

(with all due deference and respect to nitsuh, who first figured out how much fun it is to write nonsense after the pitchfork staff list)

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:26 (seventeen years ago) link

manute bol otm

rps, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:27 (seventeen years ago) link

nitsuh otm. i could do that all over again.

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Ryan Schreiber - male
Scott Plagenhoef - male
Amy Phillips - female
Catherine Lewis - female
Nick Sylvester - furry
Kristin Sage Rockermann - genderless ancient wiseperson
Mark Richardson - regulation-size football
Jonah Flicker - online picture-hosting service
Kati Llewellyn - female (sex change following "People's Court" stint)
Catherine Lewis - female (though "Lewis, Catherine" is male)
Nitsuh Abebe - turtle (unsexed)
Zach Baron - royalty
Tom Breihan - tall
William Bowers - woodsman, scholar
Cory D. Byrom - female
Martin Clark - fake
Jason Crock - fake
Chris Dahlen - Marissa Marchant
Drew Daniel - robot
Stephen M. Deusner - hermaphrodite
Brent DiCrescenzo - fake
Ryan Dombal - anthropomorphic tooth
Will Dukes - royalty
Sean Fennessey - single-malt
Jess Harvell - female
Marc Hogan - male
Brian Howe - shortstop
Michael Idov - entrepreneur
Rachel Khong - "makes no sense"
Matt LeMay - cannibal
Dominique Leone - hot French chick with big tits
Alex Linhardt - fake
Johnny Loftus - James Dean in hiding
Peter Macia - barn
Rob Mitchum - kind of like that evil brain-thing the Ninja Turtles fought
Adam Moerder - orc
Matthew Murphy - colorless, odorless liquid
Amanda Petrusich - "world's tallest woman" of internet fame
Mark Pytlik - Canadian
David Raposa - Connecticutian
Julianne Shepherd - superintelligent bangs with opposable thumbs
Philip Sherburne - eunuch
Dave Stelfox - fox
Brandon Stosuy - collaborative
Joe Tangari - bioluminescent sea creature
Sam Ubl - female, nee Maselli
Jonathan Zwickel - male, former editor of The Onion

-- nabisco (nabisco), Monday, January 9, 2006 1:46 PM (1 year ago)

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:31 (seventeen years ago) link

can you believe that's not the first google response for "superintelligent bangs with opposable thumbs"?

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Jess, I'm pretty sure the last list was on the same thread where we decided Richardson was the official hunk of Pitchfork.

nabisco, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:33 (seventeen years ago) link

i have never actually seen any of these people

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Ghosts in the machine.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:34 (seventeen years ago) link

i'm in a pretty good mood today! i might be talking to tommy lee!

-- cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, January 9, 2006

i never did u_u

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:37 (seventeen years ago) link

alright, now that i've successfully wasted the last hour of work, i'm going to get drunk y'all. peace out.

strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:39 (seventeen years ago) link

[85] JOHN BASEDOW
Fitness atrocity

Gross man-boobs are usually confined to fat guys. But Basedow, the freakishly shaped workout guru familiar to late-night channel surfers through his “Fitness Made Simple” infomercials, is in a league of his own. It’s as if someone took Lou Ferigno’s pecks and stapled them to a Ken doll — a sight that never fails to send us groping for the remote in mid retch.

rps, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:40 (seventeen years ago) link


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