shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

("wacky"/weird news does not apply)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-j-trump/my-new-golf-course-a-sour_b_323741.html

I was mentioned in the Press & Journal once - that should give you an idea of how prestigious Mr Trump's historian is.

Anyway, is that entire site an Onion parody?

lol comments

"As a leader of Intimacy Retreats and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, I always recommend that couples schedule time for intimacy."

While over 90% of the locals, politicians, businesses and top historians support my project\\

lol

LOL at that trump article

http://www.thedeclaration.org/article/more-just-secondhand-news

I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want to read another review of that frickken Phish show! Plus I can totally download the concert for free off the internet. HELLZ NO. Last week, I saw Fleetwood Fucking Mac, and it was the greatest night of my life, and I’m going to tell you all about how much it ruled.

http://grab.by/2ywT

also file under "shit that looks like a hipster runoff post but isn't"

file under 'headlines that would've made absolutely no sense to anyone 15 years ago'

"Fast-growing public fighting memes" is a pretty big category.

can you imagine actually reading an explanation of why this particular public fight meme has had an accelerated rate of adoption compared to other public fight memes?

Is there even another public fight meme other than bumfights? I remember that grew pretty fast...

pretty much every article by the DPRK's news service

http://www.forbes.com/2010/02/23/flint-autos-toyota-business-recall.html?boxes=Homepagelighttop

http://images.forbes.com/media/commentary/jflint.jpg

http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/309172,report-taxi-driver-remake-mulled-by-scorcese-von-trier.html

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-silicone-bullet25-2010feb25,0,1532754.story

no, von trier, nooooooo!

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/8057/theage.jpg

Grandpa Wins $10000 iTunes Gift Card

"Socially alert student poet unimpressed by conformity"

I would like to see von Trier incorporate all these stories into his Taxi Driver remake.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254205/High-noon-Stamford-Bridge-John-Terry-comes-face-face-man-betrayed-shake-hands.html

The entire dailymail site had some choice cuts but I went with this one.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/pennsylvania/20100228_Thieves_take_jewelry__leave_child_at_Phila__store.html

lol @ comments on stan's article.

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

where to start

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

someone get howie long to comment on this

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

okay, so maybe it's satire!

maybe?

no

I Made a Literal Licorice Pizza. I Sort of Can’t Believe the Result.

Coldplay will stop making music in 2025.

Haha I totally thought there was something absurd about that headline, or that I was missing something

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2022-03-02/billionaire-wall-street-heir-william-peterffy-takes-esg-role-to-fix-capitalism

The URL doesn’t include the healing crystal of the headline unfortunately.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/mar/12/ukraine-reveals-russian-warship-go-fuck-yourself-postage-stamp

Opinion: As a retired energy executive, I think Biden is to blame for high gas prices https://t.co/K6qU7XwAxw

— Houston Chronicle (@HoustonChron) March 16, 2022

As a Retired Serial Killer, I think Biden is to blame for the increase in crime

EPA won't regulate rocket fuel in drinking water

https://www.eenews.net/articles/epa-wont-regulate-rocket-fuel-in-drinking-water/

yay resistance

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/05/well/family/parental-burnout-symptoms.html

Netflix has greenlit "Squid Game: The Challenge,"a reality competition series based on the hit 2021 South Korean drama #SquidGame. https://t.co/jLTsOP476I pic.twitter.com/lkXqLE5NUW

— Variety (@Variety) June 14, 2022

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/jul/13/uk-government-to-table-no-confidence-motion-in-itself

trying to prove how clean the water is:

https://indianexpress.com/article/cities/chandigarh/punjab-news-bhagwant-mann-hospital-admitted-stomach-ache-delhi-apollo-hospital-8042452/

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2022/jul/24/chess-robot-grabs-and-breaks-finger-of-seven-year-old-opponent-moscow

Lol came to post that one.

innovative new strategy, will have to give it a try in my next game

“The robot broke the child’s finger,” Sergey Lazarev, president of the Moscow Chess Federation, told the TASS news agency after the incident, adding that the machine had played many previous exhibitions without upset. “This is of course bad.”

of course

Top scientist admits 'space telescope image' was actually a slice of chorizo

Mike Lindell: Feds Seized My Cellphone at Hardee’s

“The FBI came after me and took my phone,” he said on Facebook. “They surrounded me in a Hardee’s and took my phone that I run all my business, everything with. What they’ve done is weaponize—the FBI, it’s disgusting. I don’t have a computer. Everything I do [is] off that phone. Everything was on there. And they told me not to tell anybody. Here’s an order: ‘Don’t tell anybody!’ ‘OK, I won’t!’ Well, I am.”

Sir, this is a Hardee's."

How Bob Dylan used the ancient practice of 'imitatio' to craft some of the most original songs of his time

Mercedes-Benz to introduce acceleration subscription fee

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-63743597

looking forward to people buying car armor from loot boxes

https://www.thearchaeologist.org/blog/scientists-have-just-successfully-recreated-a-dinosaur-from-chicken-dna

This has a real Clickhole vibe

https://scontent.fewr1-6.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/327710257_2460303994127076_4833502531328264050_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=ohX4uhkOyy8AX81ZlKt&_nc_ht=scontent.fewr1-6.fna&oh=00_AfAladtxOGadpYICxAvFGrWyKJrqUpVMXDt-QJ04wbcGmA&oe=63DD1343

more like a Day Today headline maybe

https://i.imgur.com/KpdA073.png

Instant noodles make up nearly one-third of childhood burn injuries, study finds

https://news.uchicago.edu/story/uchicago-medicine-study-finds-instant-noodles-make-nearly-one-third-childhood-burn-injuries

Mini responds to Chinese ice cream racism uproar

Nude landlord no excuse for holding back rent, rules German court

Clothe My Landlord

https://www.propublica.org/article/trains-crossing-blocked-kids-norfolk-southern

"Mark Zuckerberg wins gold and silver in his first Jiu-Jitsu tournament"

the mark zuckerberg invitational

any prior experience in ju jitsu automatically disqualifies you

real Kim Jong Il vibes, yes

He also won 'Most Handsome' and 'Tallest Man' awards

"I was not Meghan in disguise at coronation, says 79-year-old composer"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/D5KLUGCQLENU2VF3DXHSWSR34U.jpg&w=1200

show me some old men who look like the duchess of sussex!

wait

that's that fucker who took over soft machine after robert wyatt left

god fucking dammit

also they gave him a _knighthood_? they made that boring-ass fuso a _knight_? what the fuck? i'm sorry, did they do a kennedy center honors ceremony for the fucking yellowjackets?

Don't f*** with Waterloo. Glenn Howerton delivers an unhinged masterclass in BLACKBERRY, Matt Johnson's electrifying take on the world's first smartphone. Only in theaters THIS FRIDAY. Get tickets now: https://t.co/Twys5IridY

— IFC Films (@IFCFilms) May 10, 2023

I was kinda interested already, but Mac in a bald cap chewing scenery? Take my money.

also they gave him a _knighthood_? they made that boring-ass fuso a _knight_?

Sir Karl Jenkins of Nucleus/Soft Machine, presumably nominated for subsequent classical-type composing stuff

Karl Jenkins made a lot of mediocre or even bad music in the later days of soft machine, but he also made "soft space" so he can have a pass on anything and everything.

according to the Always Sunny youtube/podcast thing I watched... it's not a bald cap! They shaved the rest of his head after he finished the movie

also, that's Dennis, not Mac

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDAurtxtwu4

https://artdaily.cc/news/110495/Original-works-in-watercolor-and-ink-by-Chuck-D-on-view-at-Subliminal-Projects

"Original works in watercolour and ink by Chuck D"

examples: https://gallery30south.com/chuckd/

Grimes and Elon Musk Reveal Third Child, Techno Mechanicus, in New Biography

14 Upcoming Movies Based On Mattel Toys Releasing After Barbie

https://screenrant.com/upcoming-movies-based-on-mattel-toys/

Specifically the pitches: Hot Wheels (dir. JJ Abrams), Barney (prod. Daniel Kaluuya), Polly Pocket (dir. Lena Dunham), Uno (starring Lil Yachty), Chatty Cathy and Betsy Wetsy (prod. Jason Bateman)

Mexican police cuff crooked ‘demon doll’ Chucky