shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

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("wacky"/weird news does not apply)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-j-trump/my-new-golf-course-a-sour_b_323741.html

banned, on the run (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 October 2009 08:05 (ten years ago) link

I was mentioned in the Press & Journal once - that should give you an idea of how prestigious Mr Trump's historian is.

Anyway, is that entire site an Onion parody?

Ismael Klata, Saturday, 17 October 2009 10:38 (ten years ago) link

lol comments

"As a leader of Intimacy Retreats and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, I always recommend that couples schedule time for intimacy."

banned, on the run (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 October 2009 14:56 (ten years ago) link

While over 90% of the locals, politicians, businesses and top historians support my project\\

lol

Ned Trifle II, Saturday, 17 October 2009 15:02 (ten years ago) link

LOL at that trump article

a perfect urkel (gbx), Saturday, 17 October 2009 15:20 (ten years ago) link

one month passes...

http://www.thedeclaration.org/article/more-just-secondhand-news

I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want to read another review of that frickken Phish show! Plus I can totally download the concert for free off the internet. HELLZ NO. Last week, I saw Fleetwood Fucking Mac, and it was the greatest night of my life, and I’m going to tell you all about how much it ruled.

ian, Friday, 20 November 2009 03:42 (ten years ago) link

three months pass...

http://grab.by/2ywT

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:05 (ten years ago) link

also file under "shit that looks like a hipster runoff post but isn't"

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:06 (ten years ago) link

file under 'headlines that would've made absolutely no sense to anyone 15 years ago'

i am a big fan of japanese women (donna rouge), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:25 (ten years ago) link

"Fast-growing public fighting memes" is a pretty big category.

Dark Notion (Abbott), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:26 (ten years ago) link

can you imagine actually reading an explanation of why this particular public fight meme has had an accelerated rate of adoption compared to other public fight memes?

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:32 (ten years ago) link

Is there even another public fight meme other than bumfights? I remember that grew pretty fast...

As your Dentist I recommend smoking: (Viceroy), Saturday, 20 February 2010 19:03 (ten years ago) link

pretty much every article by the DPRK's news service

we like the cars. the cars that go burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb. (los blue jeans), Saturday, 20 February 2010 19:41 (ten years ago) link

http://images.forbes.com/media/commentary/jflint.jpg

pithfork (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 23 February 2010 23:17 (ten years ago) link

no, von trier, nooooooo!

Nhex, Thursday, 25 February 2010 04:54 (ten years ago) link

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/8057/theage.jpg

badg, Thursday, 25 February 2010 05:14 (ten years ago) link

Grandpa Wins $10000 iTunes Gift Card

this is awful I want Togo home (harbl), Friday, 26 February 2010 12:44 (ten years ago) link

I would like to see von Trier incorporate all these stories into his Taxi Driver remake.

that guy who doesn't get it but doesn't know he doesn't get it (M.V.), Friday, 26 February 2010 18:16 (ten years ago) link

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254205/High-noon-Stamford-Bridge-John-Terry-comes-face-face-man-betrayed-shake-hands.html

The entire dailymail site had some choice cuts but I went with this one.

RubyNoir, Saturday, 27 February 2010 16:33 (ten years ago) link

lol @ comments on stan's article.

ABBAcab (Trayce), Sunday, 28 February 2010 20:50 (ten years ago) link

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

bracken free ditch (Ste), Sunday, 28 February 2010 21:07 (ten years ago) link

three weeks pass...

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:33 (ten years ago) link

where to start

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (ten years ago) link

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (ten years ago) link

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:40 (ten years ago) link

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:41 (ten years ago) link

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:42 (ten years ago) link

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:43 (ten years ago) link

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:44 (ten years ago) link

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:45 (ten years ago) link

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (ten years ago) link

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (ten years ago) link

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (ten years ago) link

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (ten years ago) link

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (ten years ago) link

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (ten years ago) link

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (ten years ago) link

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (ten years ago) link

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (ten years ago) link

someone get howie long to comment on this

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (ten years ago) link

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (ten years ago) link

okay, so maybe it's satire!

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (ten years ago) link

maybe?

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (ten years ago) link

no

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (ten years ago) link

Lol literally the most Jared Leto thing ever: ‪https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/jared-leto-emerges-12-day-meditation-retreat-find-mind-blowing-coronavirus-pandemic-1285065

Roz, Sunday, 22 March 2020 12:59 (four months ago) link

That’s kind of an ethical dilemma for the meditation guide leader! Do you break the silence, several days in, to let the participants know?

(imo YES of course you do)

Karl Malone, Sunday, 22 March 2020 14:22 (four months ago) link

Was it Big Brother in Germany that didn't tell them? Is that still the case? They may be the safest people on the planet.

koogs, Sunday, 22 March 2020 14:56 (four months ago) link

Ha I remember USA Big Brother when 9/11 happened

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, 24 March 2020 19:46 (four months ago) link

I think they only decided to tell them because one of contestants relatives died

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, 24 March 2020 19:47 (four months ago) link

Astrophysicist gets magnets stuck up nose while inventing coronavirus device https://t.co/wNZ8bWV3hA

— Guardian Australia (@GuardianAus) March 30, 2020

koogs, Monday, 30 March 2020 15:33 (four months ago) link

lol even that picture looks like an Onion stock photo

Roz, Tuesday, 31 March 2020 03:17 (four months ago) link

https://i.imgur.com/3fclv8u.jpg

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 31 March 2020 04:01 (four months ago) link

https://ny.eater.com/2020/3/31/21200948/ardyn-doomsday-dinner-party-coronavirus-nyc

Ardyn’s menu of Japanese hamachi, wagyu ribeye steak, and heritage chicken for $150 to $165 per person with a minimum four-person order, delivered to diners while wearing bunny masks.The catch: Customers must then finishing cooking — and assemble, however artfully they can — the meals themselves in their own homes.

http://i.imgur.com/VIPnhXl.png

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 31 March 2020 20:58 (four months ago) link

sure

silby, Tuesday, 31 March 2020 21:01 (four months ago) link

Purge, party of four.

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 31 March 2020 21:02 (four months ago) link

three weeks pass...

ITT shit that looks like an Onion article and really is:

https://local.theonion.com/man-just-buying-one-of-every-cleaning-product-in-case-t-1842493766

the grateful dead can dance (anagram), Friday, 24 April 2020 16:20 (three months ago) link

haha!

kinder, Friday, 24 April 2020 17:02 (three months ago) link

in other news, the world's last surviving "inside edition" tv show is surviving covid-19! we'll show you how, on tonight's "inside edition"

Kate (rushomancy), Sunday, 26 April 2020 16:21 (three months ago) link

"the owner may have some tips to help other businesses"
um, suuuuuurrrre.

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Sunday, 26 April 2020 17:18 (three months ago) link

peep that text mode UI tho

silby, Sunday, 26 April 2020 19:50 (three months ago) link

Axl Rose and U.S. Treasury secretary Steven Mnuchin feud on Twitter

The little engine that choogled (hardcore dilettante), Friday, 8 May 2020 01:05 (three months ago) link

Matt Lauer: Why Ronan Farrow Is Indeed Too Good to Be True (Opinion) https://t.co/j3Hzdnhz1v

— Mediaite (@Mediaite) May 19, 2020

mookieproof, Tuesday, 19 May 2020 21:46 (two months ago) link

mmmm nah

silby, Tuesday, 19 May 2020 21:54 (two months ago) link

David Lynch ends daily weather report by recalling dream about being a dying German soldier on D-Day
https://news.avclub.com/david-lynch-ends-daily-weather-report-by-recalling-drea-1843952285

wasdnous (abanana), Monday, 8 June 2020 19:54 (two months ago) link

JK Rowling recalls 'amazing' moment she met her idol Morrissey

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/nov/27/jk-rowling-moment-met-morrissey-harry-potter-interview-robert-galbraith?CMP=share_btn_fb

wasdnous (abanana), Wednesday, 10 June 2020 15:19 (two months ago) link

music? she just liked his ideas on social values

mh, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 21:12 (two months ago) link

I wish both she and her work would vanish altogether.

pomenitul, Wednesday, 10 June 2020 21:16 (two months ago) link

From the Washington Post:

https://i.imgur.com/wx3B8GL.png

pplains, Thursday, 11 June 2020 01:17 (two months ago) link

tbf she's basically the onion

mookieproof, Thursday, 11 June 2020 01:29 (two months ago) link

Alexandra Petri mostly does satire, it’s basically an onion article

all cats are beautiful (silby), Thursday, 11 June 2020 01:32 (two months ago) link

BREAKING: Devin Nunes can’t sue Twitter over statements by fake cow, judge rules https://t.co/JtMpP6NfKs

— Kate Irby (@kateirby) June 24, 2020

Scampidocio (Le Bateau Ivre), Wednesday, 24 June 2020 21:52 (one month ago) link

"Teens in quarantine are roleplaying as 'Karens' on Instagram, making fake personas dedicated to loving wine and supporting Trump"
https://www.insider.com/karen-fake-instagram-accounts-teens-quarantine-roleplaying-tiktok-2020-6

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Friday, 26 June 2020 00:40 (one month ago) link

Lol I have a 45 year old stay at home mom friend who made up a fake FB account (that uses “Karen” as part of the personas surname) to infiltrate and troll a bunch of “all lives matter” fuckos

joygoat, Friday, 26 June 2020 13:56 (one month ago) link

aces, can I back her patreon

all cats are beautiful (silby), Friday, 26 June 2020 15:09 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

this story is so heartbreaking.

Roz, Wednesday, 15 July 2020 15:54 (one month ago) link

And utterly infuriating. Reading this after Trump's 'more white people are killed' spiel yesterday is just too much.

pomenitul, Wednesday, 15 July 2020 16:01 (one month ago) link

It's heartbreaking and just batshit insane. Fucking America.

Scampidocio (Le Bateau Ivre), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 16:12 (one month ago) link

is there a thread for realizing, in middle age, that significant portions of your life strongly resemble an onion article

Kate (rushomancy), Sunday, 26 July 2020 01:27 (two weeks ago) link

depression thread is on 77 i think

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Sunday, 26 July 2020 01:27 (two weeks ago) link

Trump’s New COVID Doctor Says Sex with Demons Makes You Sick https://t.co/NCNiIZ5SYq

— Noah Shachtman (@NoahShachtman) July 28, 2020

Scampidocio (Le Bateau Ivre), Tuesday, 28 July 2020 13:20 (two weeks ago) link

that's ridiculous. none of the demons i've slept with have made me sick. in fact i think we all felt more energized

The GOAT Harold Land (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 28 July 2020 18:09 (two weeks ago) link

they are good for stock tips too

brooklyn suicide cult (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 July 2020 18:21 (two weeks ago) link

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-global-race-chevron-idUSKCN24P1Y7

Chevron diversity ratio to improve as layoffs progress

anvil, Thursday, 30 July 2020 08:36 (two weeks ago) link

Hire more women guards etc

all cats are beautiful (silby), Thursday, 30 July 2020 12:22 (two weeks ago) link

hire :clap: more :clap: women :clap: efficiency :clap: experts

the quar on drugs (Simon H.), Thursday, 30 July 2020 12:25 (two weeks ago) link


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