shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

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("wacky"/weird news does not apply)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-j-trump/my-new-golf-course-a-sour_b_323741.html

banned, on the run (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 October 2009 08:05 (eight years ago) Permalink

I was mentioned in the Press & Journal once - that should give you an idea of how prestigious Mr Trump's historian is.

Anyway, is that entire site an Onion parody?

Ismael Klata, Saturday, 17 October 2009 10:38 (eight years ago) Permalink

lol comments

"As a leader of Intimacy Retreats and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, I always recommend that couples schedule time for intimacy."

banned, on the run (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 October 2009 14:56 (eight years ago) Permalink

While over 90% of the locals, politicians, businesses and top historians support my project\\

lol

Ned Trifle II, Saturday, 17 October 2009 15:02 (eight years ago) Permalink

LOL at that trump article

a perfect urkel (gbx), Saturday, 17 October 2009 15:20 (eight years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

http://www.thedeclaration.org/article/more-just-secondhand-news

I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want to read another review of that frickken Phish show! Plus I can totally download the concert for free off the internet. HELLZ NO. Last week, I saw Fleetwood Fucking Mac, and it was the greatest night of my life, and I’m going to tell you all about how much it ruled.

ian, Friday, 20 November 2009 03:42 (seven years ago) Permalink

three months pass...

http://grab.by/2ywT

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:05 (seven years ago) Permalink

also file under "shit that looks like a hipster runoff post but isn't"

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:06 (seven years ago) Permalink

file under 'headlines that would've made absolutely no sense to anyone 15 years ago'

i am a big fan of japanese women (donna rouge), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:25 (seven years ago) Permalink

"Fast-growing public fighting memes" is a pretty big category.

Dark Notion (Abbott), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:26 (seven years ago) Permalink

can you imagine actually reading an explanation of why this particular public fight meme has had an accelerated rate of adoption compared to other public fight memes?

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:32 (seven years ago) Permalink

Is there even another public fight meme other than bumfights? I remember that grew pretty fast...

As your Dentist I recommend smoking: (Viceroy), Saturday, 20 February 2010 19:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

pretty much every article by the DPRK's news service

we like the cars. the cars that go burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb. (los blue jeans), Saturday, 20 February 2010 19:41 (seven years ago) Permalink

http://images.forbes.com/media/commentary/jflint.jpg

pithfork (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 23 February 2010 23:17 (seven years ago) Permalink

no, von trier, nooooooo!

Nhex, Thursday, 25 February 2010 04:54 (seven years ago) Permalink

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/8057/theage.jpg

badg, Thursday, 25 February 2010 05:14 (seven years ago) Permalink

Grandpa Wins $10000 iTunes Gift Card

this is awful I want Togo home (harbl), Friday, 26 February 2010 12:44 (seven years ago) Permalink

I would like to see von Trier incorporate all these stories into his Taxi Driver remake.

that guy who doesn't get it but doesn't know he doesn't get it (M.V.), Friday, 26 February 2010 18:16 (seven years ago) Permalink

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254205/High-noon-Stamford-Bridge-John-Terry-comes-face-face-man-betrayed-shake-hands.html

The entire dailymail site had some choice cuts but I went with this one.

RubyNoir, Saturday, 27 February 2010 16:33 (seven years ago) Permalink

lol @ comments on stan's article.

ABBAcab (Trayce), Sunday, 28 February 2010 20:50 (seven years ago) Permalink

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

bracken free ditch (Ste), Sunday, 28 February 2010 21:07 (seven years ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:33 (seven years ago) Permalink

where to start

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:40 (seven years ago) Permalink

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:41 (seven years ago) Permalink

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:42 (seven years ago) Permalink

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:43 (seven years ago) Permalink

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:44 (seven years ago) Permalink

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:45 (seven years ago) Permalink

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (seven years ago) Permalink

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (seven years ago) Permalink

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (seven years ago) Permalink

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (seven years ago) Permalink

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (seven years ago) Permalink

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (seven years ago) Permalink

someone get howie long to comment on this

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (seven years ago) Permalink

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (seven years ago) Permalink

okay, so maybe it's satire!

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (seven years ago) Permalink

maybe?

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (seven years ago) Permalink

no

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (seven years ago) Permalink

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFWSHvaWsAAr9n1.jpg

soref, Saturday, 22 July 2017 15:55 (three months ago) Permalink

lol

Aglet, Saturday, 22 July 2017 16:01 (three months ago) Permalink

amazing

ogmor, Saturday, 22 July 2017 19:31 (three months ago) Permalink

that seems ripe for at least an hour's worth of find-and-replace fun

El Tomboto, Saturday, 22 July 2017 20:34 (three months ago) Permalink

No actual german expressionism measures up to the ideal german expressionism for which I yearn

El Tomboto, Saturday, 22 July 2017 20:35 (three months ago) Permalink

has anyone here read Jacobson's fiction and is it as bad as his op-ed pieces might lead one to assume?

soref, Saturday, 22 July 2017 20:42 (three months ago) Permalink

O yes

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Tuesday, 1 August 2017 01:25 (three months ago) Permalink

he used the phrase "empurpled" ffs

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 1 August 2017 02:35 (three months ago) Permalink

:(

Rimsky-Koskenkorva (Øystein), Wednesday, 2 August 2017 15:18 (three months ago) Permalink

that armadillo one is hilarious

The man was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where his jaw was wired shut, according to Rowe.

The status of the animal is unknown.

"We didn't find the armadillo," the sheriff said.

El Tomboto, Saturday, 5 August 2017 18:52 (three months ago) Permalink

always wondered about that tbh

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Monday, 14 August 2017 01:01 (three months ago) Permalink

People who use public spaces/facilities for their suicides are assholes. Walk deep into grizzly/wolf/vulture territory, and if the experience doesn't deter you, then at least you'll get a decent sky burial with no trauma to unrelated civil servants.

tactical piñata (Sanpaku), Monday, 14 August 2017 01:09 (three months ago) Permalink

uh yeah I don’t think most people depressed enough to commit suicide are thinking rationally

mh, Monday, 14 August 2017 01:22 (three months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

Not an article, but while searching for subhumans on twitter condemning Obama's response to Katrina, I came across this photo/window into profound human dysfunction:

Three days after Hurricane Katrina: Where was Michelle Obama? pic.twitter.com/hjwhsxHdq5

— Bikergirl4trump (@TrumpResponders) February 23, 2017

Glengarry Glen Marshall (Old Lunch), Thursday, 31 August 2017 14:31 (two months ago) Permalink

https://www.premierchristianity.com/Blog/What-do-Lidl-and-ISIS-have-in-common-They-both-remove-crosses-from-churches

ISIS’ genocide against Christians and destruction of religious architecture has been well documented. But what wasn’t so well known (until this week) is that the German supermarket chain Lidl has also taken it upon themselves to remove Christian crosses.

When it came to designing the packaging for their Mousaka, Lidl used the power of Photoshop (other photo editing programs are available) to erase crosses from the roofs of famous Greek Orthodox churches in Santorini (see above photo).

Now clearly there’s a huge difference between the persecution and murder of Christians in the Middle East and what Lidl have done. But whether attempts to remove crosses are violent and bloody, or digital and politically correct, the outcome is the same and a war is (deliberately or unintentionally) waged against Christianity’s most important and most central symbol.

soref, Wednesday, 6 September 2017 21:32 (two months ago) Permalink

Florida Police Warn People Not to Shoot Their Guns at Hurricane Irma

http://time.com/4935117/hurricane-irma-guns-florida/?utm_campaign=time&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&xid=time_socialflow_facebook

Roz, Tuesday, 12 September 2017 01:56 (two months ago) Permalink

Monster fatberg: Museum of London wants piece for exhibit

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-41265408

koogs, Thursday, 14 September 2017 21:43 (two months ago) Permalink

I would go see that exhibit

badg, Friday, 15 September 2017 16:18 (two months ago) Permalink

Eight workers are breaking up the object with high-pressure hoses.

Looking forward to the movie about these folks

El Tomboto, Friday, 15 September 2017 18:21 (two months ago) Permalink

Sign Language Interpreter Warned of ‘Pizza’ and ‘Bear Monster’ at Irma Briefing

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/17/us/sign-language-interpreter-irma.html

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Monday, 18 September 2017 00:43 (two months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL4aVWkV4AAj7YW.jpg:small

mookieproof, Wednesday, 11 October 2017 19:48 (one month ago) Permalink

Damn right
it's better than theirs

pplains, Wednesday, 11 October 2017 20:17 (one month ago) Permalink

Internet: Some reaaaal bad takes out there this morning, you have what it takes to top them?

Apple: hold my beer https://t.co/4jYFg7MJMM pic.twitter.com/WHSM3scjOJ

— Laura Hudson (@laura_hudson) October 11, 2017

Monster fatberg (Phil D.), Wednesday, 11 October 2017 20:29 (one month ago) Permalink

holy shit

Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 11 October 2017 20:52 (one month ago) Permalink

links on that same page:

Do not use a cucumber to 'cleanse' your vagina
Woman almost dies when her unborn baby kicks a whole in her womb
Victoria Beckham admits to drinking vinegar on an empty stomach
No one can agree on the color of these sneakers

koogs, Friday, 13 October 2017 11:33 (one month ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

According to witnesses, the entire confrontation was started by the Brits “being aggressively British... They were being really obnoxious.”

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Thursday, 2 November 2017 17:22 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Wisconsin legislators approve bill that would make it legal for toddlers to hunt with guns.

http://apnews.com/f2cc6b4280f342c185244caf7070a12e

The Fortnightly Intruder (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Saturday, 4 November 2017 18:51 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I could not believe that was real when I first saw that.

pplains, Thursday, 9 November 2017 14:23 (one week ago) Permalink

Of all the things I've seen on FB, revenge porn hasn't been one of them.

pplains, Thursday, 9 November 2017 14:24 (one week ago) Permalink

"are you at risk? type your credit card number here"

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 9 November 2017 18:25 (one week ago) Permalink

CNN: US Navy admits aircrew drew penis in the sky

"US Navy air crew, flying an F/A-18 Growler (Electronic Attack Aircraft) assigned to Electronic Attack Squadron 130 based at Naval Air Station Whidbey Island, Wash., flew an air pattern over Okanogan County, Washington, on Thursday, November 16, that left a condensed air trail resembling an obscene image to observers on the ground," Navy spokesperson Lt. Cmdr. Leslie Hubbell said.

Sanpaku, Saturday, 18 November 2017 00:50 (yesterday) Permalink

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/17/movies/prince-william-prince-harry-star-wars.html

At a taping of The Hollywood Reporter’s Actors Roundtable show, Mr. Boyega, who plays Finn in the movie, confirmed that the Prince William and Prince Harry will play Stormtroopers in a scene alongside him.

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Saturday, 18 November 2017 06:55 (yesterday) Permalink


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