shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

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("wacky"/weird news does not apply)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-j-trump/my-new-golf-course-a-sour_b_323741.html

banned, on the run (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 October 2009 08:05 (nine years ago) Permalink

I was mentioned in the Press & Journal once - that should give you an idea of how prestigious Mr Trump's historian is.

Anyway, is that entire site an Onion parody?

Ismael Klata, Saturday, 17 October 2009 10:38 (nine years ago) Permalink

lol comments

"As a leader of Intimacy Retreats and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, I always recommend that couples schedule time for intimacy."

banned, on the run (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 October 2009 14:56 (nine years ago) Permalink

While over 90% of the locals, politicians, businesses and top historians support my project\\

lol

Ned Trifle II, Saturday, 17 October 2009 15:02 (nine years ago) Permalink

LOL at that trump article

a perfect urkel (gbx), Saturday, 17 October 2009 15:20 (nine years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

http://www.thedeclaration.org/article/more-just-secondhand-news

I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want to read another review of that frickken Phish show! Plus I can totally download the concert for free off the internet. HELLZ NO. Last week, I saw Fleetwood Fucking Mac, and it was the greatest night of my life, and I’m going to tell you all about how much it ruled.

ian, Friday, 20 November 2009 03:42 (nine years ago) Permalink

three months pass...

http://grab.by/2ywT

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:05 (nine years ago) Permalink

also file under "shit that looks like a hipster runoff post but isn't"

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:06 (nine years ago) Permalink

file under 'headlines that would've made absolutely no sense to anyone 15 years ago'

i am a big fan of japanese women (donna rouge), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:25 (nine years ago) Permalink

"Fast-growing public fighting memes" is a pretty big category.

Dark Notion (Abbott), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:26 (nine years ago) Permalink

can you imagine actually reading an explanation of why this particular public fight meme has had an accelerated rate of adoption compared to other public fight memes?

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:32 (nine years ago) Permalink

Is there even another public fight meme other than bumfights? I remember that grew pretty fast...

As your Dentist I recommend smoking: (Viceroy), Saturday, 20 February 2010 19:03 (nine years ago) Permalink

pretty much every article by the DPRK's news service

we like the cars. the cars that go burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb. (los blue jeans), Saturday, 20 February 2010 19:41 (nine years ago) Permalink

http://images.forbes.com/media/commentary/jflint.jpg

pithfork (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 23 February 2010 23:17 (nine years ago) Permalink

no, von trier, nooooooo!

Nhex, Thursday, 25 February 2010 04:54 (eight years ago) Permalink

http://img265.imageshack.us/img265/8057/theage.jpg

badg, Thursday, 25 February 2010 05:14 (eight years ago) Permalink

Grandpa Wins $10000 iTunes Gift Card

this is awful I want Togo home (harbl), Friday, 26 February 2010 12:44 (eight years ago) Permalink

I would like to see von Trier incorporate all these stories into his Taxi Driver remake.

that guy who doesn't get it but doesn't know he doesn't get it (M.V.), Friday, 26 February 2010 18:16 (eight years ago) Permalink

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254205/High-noon-Stamford-Bridge-John-Terry-comes-face-face-man-betrayed-shake-hands.html

The entire dailymail site had some choice cuts but I went with this one.

RubyNoir, Saturday, 27 February 2010 16:33 (eight years ago) Permalink

lol @ comments on stan's article.

ABBAcab (Trayce), Sunday, 28 February 2010 20:50 (eight years ago) Permalink

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

bracken free ditch (Ste), Sunday, 28 February 2010 21:07 (eight years ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:33 (eight years ago) Permalink

where to start

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (eight years ago) Permalink

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (eight years ago) Permalink

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:40 (eight years ago) Permalink

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:41 (eight years ago) Permalink

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:42 (eight years ago) Permalink

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:43 (eight years ago) Permalink

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:44 (eight years ago) Permalink

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:45 (eight years ago) Permalink

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (eight years ago) Permalink

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (eight years ago) Permalink

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (eight years ago) Permalink

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (eight years ago) Permalink

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (eight years ago) Permalink

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (eight years ago) Permalink

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (eight years ago) Permalink

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (eight years ago) Permalink

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (eight years ago) Permalink

someone get howie long to comment on this

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (eight years ago) Permalink

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (eight years ago) Permalink

okay, so maybe it's satire!

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (eight years ago) Permalink

maybe?

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (eight years ago) Permalink

no

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (eight years ago) Permalink

is now the time to open up a boutique of $1500+ windbreakers from the 90s, procured from goodwills across the midwest for $3 each

obviously DLC (Karl Malone), Thursday, 14 June 2018 16:03 (eight months ago) Permalink

i was rocking this shit back in the early 90s. check out this totally normal photo where i'm just trailblazing the nonsexy dad look

https://i.imgur.com/oucNAHk.jpg

obviously DLC (Karl Malone), Thursday, 14 June 2018 16:07 (eight months ago) Permalink

https://i.redd.it/m8wtquc1z4my.jpg

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 14 June 2018 16:56 (eight months ago) Permalink

That is basically how I dress, for roughly 10% of the price.

In my younger days I would have maybe been happy to be ahead of the curve, now I just feel embarrassed for everyone involved, including myself for the minuscule bit of influence I might have had on this trend

This is wrong and nobody should be happy about it.

silverfish, Thursday, 14 June 2018 17:26 (eight months ago) Permalink

i was rocking this shit back in the early 90s. check out this totally normal photo where i'm just trailblazing the nonsexy dad look

https://i.imgur.com/oucNAHk.jpg

― obviously DLC (Karl Malone), Thursday, June 14, 2018 12:07 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the way the white parts of that jacket blend into the background freaked me the fuck out for a second.

evol j, Thursday, 14 June 2018 17:29 (eight months ago) Permalink

yeah, my sister texts it to me out of the blue every once in a while and we always crack up. reminds me of the try suicide skit on mr show

https://i.imgur.com/0V6WyoF.jpg

obviously DLC (Karl Malone), Thursday, 14 June 2018 17:40 (eight months ago) Permalink

oh thank god i wasn't the only one who was creeped out by that photo

Nhex, Thursday, 14 June 2018 19:45 (eight months ago) Permalink

Haha me too

kinder, Thursday, 14 June 2018 20:46 (eight months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

Lol

Roz, Sunday, 1 July 2018 03:48 (seven months ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DjAeXOFUwAEedU8.jpg

mookieproof, Thursday, 26 July 2018 17:30 (six months ago) Permalink

straight into my veins

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 26 July 2018 17:59 (six months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...
one month passes...

https://i.imgur.com/6dldz71.png

iatee, Friday, 5 October 2018 15:30 (four months ago) Permalink

https://nypost.com/2018/09/01/nyc-should-stop-coddling-young-white-bros-on-bikes/

"The Dale Earnhardts of the handlebars turn into colicky babies over every minor impediment to their progress. They tweet their rage whenever a bike lane is blocked by any of the inevitable nuisances — like utility digs, construction and fire trucks. You know, the things most New Yorkers deal with every single day while taking it in their stride. Fury’s in their blood, as was true of the guys who wished me death by dump truck over my last bike lane-bashing column. Bring it on, boys! But spare the women and children."

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Sunday, 28 October 2018 22:36 (three months ago) Permalink

Whiney writes for the NY Post now?

President Keyes, Monday, 29 October 2018 14:48 (three months ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

just the title, but still

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/chess-world-rattled-as-someone-nearly-wins-game/

silverfish, Tuesday, 20 November 2018 17:56 (three months ago) Permalink

They developed their own metrics: the Stool Hardness and Transit (Shat) score and the Found and Retrieved Time (Fart) score.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/nov/27/shit-a-brick-doctors-swallow-lego-to-allay-parents-fears?CMP=fb_gu

Roz, Wednesday, 28 November 2018 13:43 (two months ago) Permalink

the guardian breaking big stories this week

President Keyes, Wednesday, 28 November 2018 14:38 (two months ago) Permalink

Just what a clone would say.

I have measured out my life in coffee shop loyalty cards (silby), Monday, 3 December 2018 16:41 (two months ago) Permalink

from April 2018
Hand dryers suck in fecal bacteria and blow it all over your hands, study finds

Bnad, Thursday, 6 December 2018 03:51 (two months ago) Permalink

Listen there’s fecal bacteria everywhere and it’s best not to worry about it

I have measured out my life in coffee shop loyalty cards (silby), Thursday, 6 December 2018 04:11 (two months ago) Permalink

Yeah my other half loves to point out when he farts that I an "breathing in poo particles". Thanks, guy.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 6 December 2018 05:17 (two months ago) Permalink

[

mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Saturday, 8 December 2018 20:32 (two months ago) Permalink

British Medical Journal: Parachute use to prevent death and major trauma when jumping from aircraft: randomized controlled trial

Parachute use did not reduce death or major traumatic injury when jumping from aircraft in the first randomized evaluation of this intervention. However, the trial was only able to enroll participants on small stationary aircraft on the ground, suggesting cautious extrapolation to high altitude jumps.

Sanpaku, Thursday, 13 December 2018 23:09 (two months ago) Permalink

A classic of the genre (pretty sure they've published that article, or a variation of it, multiple times over the years)

gbx, Friday, 14 December 2018 04:37 (two months ago) Permalink

Judge rules that New York's state ban on nunchucks is unconstitutional https://t.co/cW1gPKA0o5 pic.twitter.com/r13l8XCoJC

— The Hill (@thehill) December 18, 2018

Neil S, Tuesday, 18 December 2018 10:14 (two months ago) Permalink

one month passes...

This spoon and fork attach to your phone to lower disposable utensil usage. pic.twitter.com/CxeeRlTcZK

— Cheddar (@cheddar) January 18, 2019

Uptown VONC (Le Bateau Ivre), Wednesday, 23 January 2019 07:41 (one month ago) Permalink

finally, an opportunity to decrease disposable utensil usage

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 23 January 2019 16:42 (one month ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

Florida being Florida

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct-florida-politician-face-licking-20190207-story.html

A Florida politician allegedly made a habit of licking men's faces. She has now resigned.

"I would love to be part of a city that's in the news for good things, not dirt and garbage."

earlnash, Friday, 8 February 2019 01:24 (two weeks ago) Permalink

florida-politician-face-licking

Norm’s Superego (silby), Friday, 8 February 2019 01:26 (two weeks ago) Permalink

"I mean, she licked a lot of people, sir. So everyone kind of talked about the fact that she licked people. That's what she did when she got drunk."

earlnash, Friday, 8 February 2019 01:27 (two weeks ago) Permalink

so fucking lame

Karl Malone, Monday, 11 February 2019 16:36 (one week ago) Permalink

when he changes his mind and wants to come back home - WHEN - he is not welcome

Karl Malone, Monday, 11 February 2019 16:36 (one week ago) Permalink

prodigal dumbass

Karl Malone, Monday, 11 February 2019 16:36 (one week ago) Permalink

still mad about britton

more like bitten, by a snake, i hope

jerk

Karl Malone, Monday, 11 February 2019 22:18 (one week ago) Permalink

Zach is clearly the cool spelling. Zack is the Saved By The Bell spelling.

kinder, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 09:33 (one week ago) Permalink

Zak McKracken 4lyfe

Øystein, Tuesday, 12 February 2019 10:54 (one week ago) Permalink

Eh. You'd have to stand between the two cabinets for a year to get a dose higher than that of homes in Ramsar, Iran, which has a cancer incidence no higher than neighboring villages.

The feminine side of (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 19 February 2019 19:40 (four days ago) Permalink

it was more about the comical hijinks of disposal

and the return of the empty buckets

mh, Tuesday, 19 February 2019 19:46 (four days ago) Permalink


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