Worst TV adverts of the moment

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There was another thread about crap TV ads before this I think, but that was about a year ago, and there are many many new crap ads on the telly now. So let us complain about them.
  1. Bizarre thing for one of those play kitchens for kids - entire advert has two young girls demonstrating what can be done with it, only that the soundtrack has two women dubbed on it saying stuff like "Oh yes, this microwave will really make her jealous!" and "Ha ha, this superb grill will really annoy her, she doesn't have anything like that at her home!". So parents should buy this toy for their kid because it'll one-up all of their kid's poorer friends?
  2. Despicable thing for Gillette. Two standard off the peg blokes watch cheesy Gillette advert in a living room (post-modern!). They complain about how rubbish said advert is, and at the end of it, one of them go, "It's good though, isn't it?" GNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Why don't they just get one of the ad men to come on and go "We think you're all fucking idiots, HAHAHAHAHA!"?
  3. Weird and annoying ad for baby doll with magnets in its limbs or something. I choose this for the incredibly irritating brat on the soundtrack going "bleep bleep" for NO REASON AT ALL.

Chris Lyons, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

New answers right after this break...

Chris Lyons, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Anything using 9/11 and after to sell products via 'aren't we *wonderful* to help those who need it' approaches.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I've thought of starting this thread myself since there are so many lame ads on but of course all examples have slipped my mind now. damn food.

Samantha, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Choices Direct, of course.

Robin Carmody, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I hate the ad where the kid is sitting on the toilet, and realises he's making a bit of a stink and goes "ah mum got that new press thing"...that releases a good smell.

I also dislkie the tooth paste ad that uses MOP's 'cold as ice' and then has the slogan "cool as ice'...I always think, why use that song then? I'm very fussy.

After a night's TV viewing, I shall garnish you with more examples.

james, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Where there's blame, there's a claim.

RickyT, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

WICKEEEEED!! SOOOORRRRTEEEED!! BANGIIIIINNN!! BACK TO THE OLD SKOOOOOOOOL!! (cue Yazz.)

Alternately, that car ad where the teacher yaks on about how she will be there for the kids, doctors deliver babies ect... because Something Inside Is So Strong. So buy a fucking car.

Al, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

All the Red Bull ads. Every single one.

Samantha, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

the FedEx one where they poach the ambulance man to work for them is pretty tasteless. i presume it was made for the US originally, where they don't have the NHS which needs all the help it can get

michael, Wednesday, 21 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't like the Orange one with Jason Euell - eventhough he is scoring and celebrating against Arsenal. I hope everybody who watched the Arsenal v Charlton match said the same thing when he scored, namely "I wonder if he's going to run out of the ground and go and find his mate?"

Jonnie, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I really hate that one for Ocean Finance with the smug quiz-show host asking the contestants, "For ten points, tell me a reason why somebody might be.....refused....a loan?" I find it really irritating the way that the word "Advertisement" appears on the screen in the top left hand corner throughout...as if there would ever be a quiz show with questions about loans! Aaargh!

MarkH, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

The Head and Shoulders advert where the ad agency honestly think the shampoo buying public are going to be duped into believing they're talking about infidelity and shagging when really they're speaking about shampoo. I mean, since when has anyone been "seduced by the novelty" of an alternative hair product? Come on!

The whole Shampoo = sex thing is utterly cringeworthy. The only "urge" I get during the Herbal range ad is to dive for the off button on the TV remote.

[And I wish Jason Euell HAD ran out of the stadium on Wednesday - I would have settled for 4:3]

Trevor, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

The Halifax one where the woman does a doctored version of 'Livin' la vida loca' *shudders*

Will, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

The two blokes watching a Nivea ad in the Nivea ad! Who on earth came up with this? And who on earth paid them to come up with this? Also, there's first love and there's Muller love. The guy eats his yoghurt with a polaroid fer crissakes. Can you imagine the chemical- induced madness that must surely ensue?

Somebody on the best ads thread mentioned the Lupo ads, but the big flashing face that pops up every time you click on *anything* at nme.com is really, really, really, really, really, really, really annoying. Grrr!

Madchen, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

The one that gets my goateee is the man who has hung up about ten blue shirts on the clothesline, then reaches into the basket for another blue shirt an sais it's his favorite.Lol He's nuttier than me!!!! lol Gale

Gale Deslongchamps, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Vodafone. The Dandy Warhols. That smug faced curmudgeon bloke who wandered about the desert before they took the next step into hellishness. The crusties. Their adverts when sponsoring POP IDOL with ha ha look it is HAMPSTERS making things BEEP (actually sounds okay) but this is NOT okay when it is advertising their cnutish BRAND NAME WEBSITE of vizzaavviitytytutwankwankwankwankOHPLEASE. They are DOT COMMUNISTS.

Also, Argos.

The Virgin Mobile advert with Nicole Appleton photocopying her knickers is also rather shit but then again they have ADAM AND JOE (!!!!) on another advert so perhaps I'll have to sign up with them. I hate Vodafone. Bastards bastards bastards. Adverts are SO GREAT though, I love adverts. They are often better than the telly.

Sarah, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Hi Sarah! Adverts are better than the programmes that frame them because more time and money went on them!

Wil, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Sponsorship idents: all shit. I only ever watch commercial TV on a saturday morning so that is all I can talk of BUT two stand out for me as Pete can testify:

1. Argos christmas ad using Slade and the cheapest, shittest, most fucking awful bogus product montage ever. Totally moronic, makes all the goods look like the heap of crap they are - when that fucking cut- out Santa comes by on his skis it might as well be Jive Bunny. There's a real trend lately for mass-market store ads to be this low- rent and vile, probably because the ad people all want to work on high-budget drinks brands and actually lavishing any skills on an ad aimed at the proles would be *so* uncool. Or of course it might be that the focus groups saw the ad and wuvved it, grr.

2. Harry Potter computer game - "FOOTAGE NOT IN GAME" i.e. the game itself has graphics that would shame an Oric. Not in itself a terrible ad but seen five times an hour it gets wearying.

Also! "I'd rather have a bowl of caramelflavouredcocopops" and the Olly the Octopus choosing his cereal are vile, the latter because it is untrue - every child knows which are the nice cereals in a variety pack and it's simply a matter of getting to them first, it's not a dilemma at all you eight-limbed sea bastard.

Tom, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

'You're every one to one you've ever had' DIE GOLDFRAPP DIE.

alext, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I get so depressed when I watch ads on the smaller channels like ITV2 - they are invariably all for loans for sad, stupid people with no jobs and no money, somehow implying that rather than ending up with even less money and self-esteem, taking out a loan is the key to happiness! Celebs who do voice overs for these kind of ads (and I know the bloke who does that fucking blue telephone - how could he stoop so low?) are, IMHO, worse than those who advertise MacDonalds, Starbucks, any of the mega-corporate Incs that people seem to get so worked up about.

As for the Nivea "you know, I might buy some" ad, you can gain some kind of succour by imaging what he's going to be getting for Christmas from all his hilarious mates...

Mark C, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

oh the parade is offering me many bad ads. the lottery one with a parade of people singing the barenaked ladies' 'if i had a million dollars' is a v bad one.

BUT WAIT NOW THERE IS ONE FOR AMERICA WITH THAT ENRIQUE IGLESIAS HERO SONG. oh no wait it's for jeep! jeep LIBERTY, at that!

maura, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

They have a gospel choir in the Lottery ad. Morons should read the bible .

anthony, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I have sky, there's no need to watch adverts.

chris, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Like Samantha, I'm not very good at remembering the ads I hate. I will put a pen and pad by the TV and make a note.

Can I just say that I think the Argos ads are totally wicked.

Nick, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

That fuckin coke ad. I mentioned it before. The one where the guy is on the train and all his "mates" are asleep and he's drinking a can of coke, and he says "it was the best night of my life". "I was gonna miss these guys". And the way he says "these guys" like as if theres a coloured history, and they're some bunch of mad tossers who do crazy stuff but despite it all he was going to miss them. Oh the things they do! Falling asleep on trains, AND drinking coke.

Then at the end of the ad there's the final insult, that annoying high pitched "life tastes good coca cola" jingle. It reminds me of those films where one corporation runs the radio stations and keeps pumping out muzak to keep people happy. it's ok everyone, LIFE TASTES GOOD!!! and you're all allowed to try it!

Ronan, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

The Argos ads are pitched perfectly at target market = 'good' ads, even though I personally dislike them.

Will, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Those Virgin ads for executive class flying or whatever it was were truly shit.

Jonnie, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh yeah - I'm surprised no one has mentioned the horror of the Dorritos 'friends' adverts yet. Has that reached Ferrero Rocher/Alanis Morisette levels of flogged to deathness or something?

Nick, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I make conscious efforts not to buy things if I think the ads are stupid. though I fail.

Ronan, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

The smug-faced wankism that is Archers. Stop fucking winking at me you bastard I hate you and will punch you, and oh hahaha isn't it so funny that the girl stays out later than him because she drinks Archers hahaha I bet her and the Lambrini girls love each other the stupid fucking wenches.

emil.y, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Did you say urge? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Alan Trewartha, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

george foreman's imac grillpan thing, WHAT THE FUCK IS ThAT!!!! "it's like a grill pan", okay, "it's ridged so you don't get as much fat in your food" riiiight "it's got a pretty coloured lid and it cooks both sides at once" okaaaaaaaaaay "george foreman say's it's really GRATE" WTF, GEORGE FOREMAN, cognitive dissonance, brain MEEEELLLLLTTTIIIINNNGG....

carsmilesteve, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

the RETURN OF THE GRILL-SHILL!!

mark s, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

1 Bacardi Breezer. It is undignified for a cat to be seen behaving like a cheap male nightclub smoothie.

2 The fabric conditioner one where the people are made out of - duh - fabric. It is disturbing to look at 'people' made out of fabric, and in fact they look horribly disfigured, like burns victims or people with hypothermia.

Ellie, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

i mean GRILL SHILLAZ !!!

mark s, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I can't stand those crappy Dani Behr McDonalds Premiere advert. They make me want to hurt Dani Behr more than usual.

(I really like those Argos adverts - they cool)

jamesmichaelward, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

There is this one ad wherein a teenager pretends to be Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit. Urgh....

helen fordsdale, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

There is this one ad wherein a teenager pretends to be Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit. Urgh....

Blimey, isn't it usually the other way round?

jamesmichaelward, Thursday, 22 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

LAMBRINI GIRLS ARGH.

Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

(though they oppress me from posters not the telly)

Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Another hated poster ad - what do these people have in common they all drink portugese wine (or something, I do not know what horrible drink they all drink all I know is that it's yet another poster with Tony Parsons gazing at me, best selling author yes)

Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

That German wine ad is shit as well. The one with that ex-goth lass who now is a city worker of some description and has noticed the wine changing with her. I am also dismayed by by the cheesiness of that Hardys ad with the bottle making an impression on the car, hur-hur- hur. Are all wine adverts rubbish by law or something? I can't think of a single good one off the top of my head.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Ah now whot about the S. African wines one dominating the Northern/Victoria lines? With the funny reptile lying back in a tshirt with the S.African flag on it? Ha ha that is funny ha ha ha fetch me a bottle! As long as I can smash it OVER MY OWN HEAD argh. Tube adverts surely don't count. I still want to know why they are all so crap for car insurance (if yer on the tube = good chance you don't drive and not target demographic SURELY) and LET YER BODY KNOW WHEN TO CONCIEVE helff fads. Sheesh.

Sarah, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I have never seen a wine ad except 'le francais adore Le Piat D'or' which I doubt even counts as wine. Is wine advertising targeted at the metropolis, or have I missed my demographic?

Ellie, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

"In France it's part of the language" => very very very angry RickyT shouting at television.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Spitfire Ale is even worse though.

Wine ads infest the London Underground system. That and ads for ten- week 'philosophy' courses.

Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

'I AM DRUG FREE' screams trophy winning golfer.

Will, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Are any of the common ads on the tube any good? Travel insurance = shit, cheap phone calls = shit, wellwoman pills = very smug detoxified woman therefore shit, cartoon strip style loan ads = even shitter, car insurance ads = dreadful with particular brickbats going to Diamond (car insurance for girls NOT men) and Admiral (Tim and whatserface 'soap opera' type affair only the fuckers can't even be bothered to use the same models from episode to episode) and as pointed out above why do I want car insurance when I'm on the sodding TRAIN anyway?

Must. Calm. Down.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

'Scientology helped me become a successful photographer', yes yes but it also made you look like Greg Evigan.

RickyT, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Lloyds Fucking Bank at it again

come out you melts and bams (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 23 May 2020 16:18 (six months ago) link

Kind of amazing that advertisers still think using CGI to make it appear animals or, worse, babies, can talk is a good idea. I mean, "Babe" was 25 years ago and the technology looks cheaper and less convincing now than it did then. Also, am I imagining it, or was this a gimmick that took off for a while, then disappeared, and has only started being used again in the last few years?

Is Lou Reed a Good Singer? (Tom D.), Thursday, 28 May 2020 12:17 (five months ago) link

I hope Jamie Oliver dies of Rona soon

Children of Bo-Dom (Noodle Vague), Friday, 29 May 2020 14:52 (five months ago) link

"Jonny Fluffypunk" get tae fuck

Mambo Number 5 was a number one jam (Noodle Vague), Friday, 29 May 2020 19:22 (five months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Itch - flea treatment subscription through the post. comes in a custom cardboard box that basically tells the whole world the situation.

(similarly, i wonder what happens if you send your kids to school in Geox anti-stink trainers)

that numan ED advert seems to be in every ad break i see recently

koogs, Tuesday, 16 June 2020 15:47 (five months ago) link

"sequences shortened"

koogs, Tuesday, 16 June 2020 16:05 (five months ago) link

shows I've been watching far too much daytime TV, but those "sponsored by" ads on Come Dine With Me, featuring actors mispronouncing the brandname "Galbani" in ways that suggest they have had an alarming variety of serious brain injuries

Neil S, Monday, 22 June 2020 13:11 (five months ago) link

I hate where you're expected to buy into a premise that is patently untrue - like Galbani being a difficult word to pronounce. The cunts are getting paid enough they should be able to come up with something better.

Future England Captain (Tom D.), Monday, 22 June 2020 13:14 (five months ago) link

Robinson's juice, where the kid in court says "what would you like to order". DIE BART DIE

Mind you, I have found out how much actors in a famous ad chain mentioned upthread get and <mindblown.gif>.

Mud... jam... failure (aldo), Monday, 22 June 2020 14:04 (five months ago) link

xp OTM- it can't be difficult to come up with an ad that doesn't utterly humiliate the actors involved

Neil S, Monday, 22 June 2020 15:08 (five months ago) link

Like all right-thinking people I've wanted Anthony and Declan to die in agony for a long time, but the new adverts are taking that desire to a higher level

i have no scampo and i must scream (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 27 June 2020 21:18 (four months ago) link

are they still conceptualising marketing campaigns for Santander in excruciating fashion?

Neil S, Saturday, 27 June 2020 21:24 (four months ago) link

They are "spontaneously" reuniting "ordinary people" via the magic of the Internet for some reason I've been too radge to fathom

i have no scampo and i must scream (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 27 June 2020 21:52 (four months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Check, Change, Go.

oh, lauren, what are you doing?

the sky adverts were bad enough.

koogs, Thursday, 23 July 2020 16:28 (four months ago) link

two weeks pass...

You can shove "Come Together" up your arse

Cunt who voices the Weetabix advert better hope we're never introduced

The Scampos of Young Werther (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 8 August 2020 12:33 (three months ago) link

(that's Nick Frost, Mike from Spaced)

koogs, Saturday, 8 August 2020 13:13 (three months ago) link

Excellent, yet another reason to despise him

The Scampos of Young Werther (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 8 August 2020 13:23 (three months ago) link

I didn't realise that was actually Danny Dyer's daughter in that Surf advert.

Mud... jam... failure (aldo), Saturday, 8 August 2020 15:12 (three months ago) link

Any of several ads in which adults with camera phones behave like giddy toddlers because they're allowed to eat fast food again

or something, Saturday, 8 August 2020 17:39 (three months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Hey Google? Play my whales mating playlist.

peace, man, Monday, 24 August 2020 15:46 (two months ago) link

Brb, have to withdraw all my money from Lloyd's bank.

koogs, Saturday, 29 August 2020 17:29 (two months ago) link

"My favourite is the cottage pie. No; the lasagne."

koogs, Thursday, 3 September 2020 15:56 (two months ago) link

In the spirit of responsible posting I'm not going to describe the violence I've fantasised about inflicting on the new Asda advert man

how do i shot moon? (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 13 September 2020 22:05 (two months ago) link

Shot and edited on iPhone

(Additional software and hardware used)

koogs, Monday, 14 September 2020 01:29 (two months ago) link

you wait ages for an advert for underwear made from bamboo and then two come along at once.

the 'isn't it good to share' mobile phone advert is misleading, i think - in all the examples you see the thing (pizza, bicycle, sandwiches...) being shared grows in size before the sharing, which isn't the case with your data.

koogs, Saturday, 19 September 2020 20:07 (two months ago) link

gee willikins the current Sainsbury's advert is bad bad bad

how do i shot moon? (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 19 September 2020 20:13 (two months ago) link

These Nationwide "poets" aren't even trying any more are they?

Mille scampeaux (Noodle Vague), Monday, 28 September 2020 17:12 (one month ago) link

"I am not a poet
Living is the poem..."

Mark G, Monday, 28 September 2020 18:24 (one month ago) link

three weeks pass...

I should probably stop watching re-runs of Star Trek TNG on the Horror Channel, but for inexplicable algorithmic reasons during the breaks they show a Barbie ad, which is truly stroke-inducing in its twee awfulness

Neil S, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 09:43 (one month ago) link

the girl imagining she's giving a lecture? horrible

Notes on "Scamp" (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 October 2020 10:31 (one month ago) link

that's the one!

Neil S, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 10:35 (one month ago) link

The guy in the latest nationwide ad had managed to achieve the most hateable hair and beard combination I've ever seen, I can't even look at him

or something, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 10:55 (one month ago) link

I agree, but I am ashamed to admit that his joke is... almost funny?

Neil S, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 11:02 (one month ago) link

I'm sorry but I can't get past his head

or something, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 11:17 (one month ago) link

it's not a joke, it's a poem

apparently

Notes on "Scamp" (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 October 2020 11:45 (one month ago) link

apparently poems are just saying stuff now

Notes on "Scamp" (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 October 2020 11:45 (one month ago) link

I went for a big shit this morning
It's great having a house with a bog
Cheers Nationwide

Notes on "Scamp" (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 October 2020 11:46 (one month ago) link

that particular one doesn't make me want to permanently deafen myself like all the others, so that's something

Neil S, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 12:37 (one month ago) link

wait, the hateable yoga ad or the equally hateable bedroom door ad?

koogs, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 12:43 (one month ago) link

The one with a man who's head would look the same if it was put on upside down

or something, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 12:47 (one month ago) link

The worst recent poem is the woman given a cake in the coffee shop.

pedantly admonishment (aldo), Wednesday, 21 October 2020 12:49 (one month ago) link

still feel like Jonny Fluffypunk takes the cake for being called Jonny Fluffypunk

Notes on "Scamp" (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 October 2020 12:51 (one month ago) link

cake one very bad but brother coming in my bedroom one even worse for just saying stuff

Notes on "Scamp" (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 October 2020 12:52 (one month ago) link

Poll?

or something, Wednesday, 21 October 2020 13:20 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

remember when all the adverts were fake zoom calls with the asian one forgetting to unmute and the obligatory pet interruption at the end? seems like a million years ago.

the meta go-compare ads need to stop.

koogs, Tuesday, 10 November 2020 19:14 (one week ago) link

has anybody noticed on the current Vanish carpet cleaner ads that the voiceover dude says "revive carpets" in this really weird aggro way?

big man on scampus (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 10 November 2020 19:18 (one week ago) link

Not everybody likes Christmas Lisa

Ward Fowler, Friday, 20 November 2020 10:04 (three days ago) link

Depends what she bring to da partie

Mark G, Friday, 20 November 2020 13:01 (three days ago) link

the one with a lot of presumably newly-wiped arses walking away is a bit odd.

koogs, Friday, 20 November 2020 15:26 (three days ago) link

"odd" is one word, "absolutely rank and i'd like to murder everybody responsible" is some more words

Bandscamp Fryday (Noodle Vague), Friday, 20 November 2020 15:36 (three days ago) link


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