Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (nineteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (nineteen years ago) link


M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (nineteen years ago) link


Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (nineteen years ago) link

okay i made that one up

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Booz Wierdsma exists

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (nineteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (nineteen years ago) link

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (nineteen years ago) link

Zinedine Zidane.

James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (nineteen years ago) link

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (nineteen years ago) link

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (nineteen years ago) link

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (nineteen years ago) link

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (nineteen years ago) link

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (nineteen years ago) link

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (nineteen years ago) link

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (nineteen years ago) link

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (nineteen years ago) link

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Rocco Baldelli

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (nineteen years ago) link

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (nineteen years ago) link


martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (nineteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (nineteen years ago) link

martin, I like your name!

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (nineteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (nineteen years ago) link

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (nineteen years ago) link

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (nineteen years ago) link

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (nineteen years ago) link

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (nineteen years ago) link

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (nineteen years ago) link

I paid $30 for that one time...

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (nineteen years ago) link

You got ripped off.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (nineteen years ago) link

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (nineteen years ago) link

me to thread!

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (nineteen years ago) link

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (nineteen years ago) link

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (nineteen years ago) link

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (nineteen years ago) link

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (nineteen years ago) link

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (nineteen years ago) link

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (nineteen years ago) link

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (nineteen years ago) link

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Razor Shines

Karl Malone, Saturday, 5 February 2022 05:30 (six months ago) link

For some reason Nottingham Forest have a bumper crop of these at the moment:

Diop Tehuti Djed-Hotep Spence
Philip Aksel Frigast Zinckernagel
Thomas Gaëtan Bong

... last but not least...

Joe Lolley

Bastards of Fish (Tom D.), Sunday, 6 February 2022 23:20 (six months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Today came across a Ms Fantasy Pedler

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 23 February 2022 03:01 (five months ago) link

Combination of name and hometown: Amanda B0tt0ms of Cheektowaga NY

Johnny Mathis der Maler (Boring, Maryland), Saturday, 26 February 2022 13:33 (five months ago) link

4my J0nkers

Tracer Hand, Thursday, 3 March 2022 13:38 (five months ago) link

J3w Ra3

i read to 69 position (Neanderthal), Thursday, 10 March 2022 15:36 (five months ago) link


Tracer Hand, Thursday, 10 March 2022 18:35 (five months ago) link

in my class today.

i read to 69 position (Neanderthal), Thursday, 10 March 2022 18:55 (five months ago) link

Dwayne Dicks, CEO & Founder at Dwayne's Delectable Cuisine

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Wednesday, 23 March 2022 23:01 (four months ago) link

I hope when he introduces himself there's a pause before the last word - "I'm Dwayne Dicks, of Dwayne's Delectable...Cuisine"

joygoat, Thursday, 24 March 2022 13:20 (four months ago) link

Zipporah Batshaw, married name Zipporah Batshaw Wiseman, law professor and wife of documentarian Frederick Wiseman. She passed away last year. I know Zipporah is a Biblical name, still amazing though.

Josefa, Wednesday, 30 March 2022 17:00 (four months ago) link

Saw someone in Google results today with last name Dickwish.

jmm, Wednesday, 30 March 2022 18:21 (four months ago) link

....first name, Igotta ?

m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Wednesday, 30 March 2022 18:24 (four months ago) link

I think it must come from this German name:

jmm, Thursday, 31 March 2022 15:23 (four months ago) link

Brumbpo Tungus saw heaven when he was 4 years old.

— Max Beasley (@maxbeasleyyy) March 31, 2022

Karl Malone, Friday, 1 April 2022 15:17 (four months ago) link

Not a real name, but that kid’s actual name is almost as good: Colton Burpo.

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Friday, 1 April 2022 16:04 (four months ago) link

"In 2015, Alex Malarkey – a boy with a similar story to Colton Burpo's – publicly recanted his own story and book"

jmm, Friday, 1 April 2022 17:36 (four months ago) link

"Christian Poos (born 5 November 1977) is a Luxembourgian cyclist. His sporting career began with Velo Club SaF Zeisseng."

the coming of prince kajagoogoo (doo rag), Thursday, 7 April 2022 09:02 (four months ago) link

Esa-Pekka Salonen, the Finnish conductor. I love saying his name.

more difficult than I look (Aimless), Thursday, 7 April 2022 17:50 (four months ago) link

His contemporary and partial namesake Jukka-Pekka Saraste has a good one too.

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Thursday, 7 April 2022 19:50 (four months ago) link

"Cal Clutterbuck is a Canadian professional ice hockey right winger"

Andy the Grasshopper, Thursday, 7 April 2022 20:00 (four months ago) link

two weeks pass...

General Charles Bonesteel

DAMAGED by Black Flat (Boring, Maryland), Friday, 22 April 2022 18:47 (three months ago) link

Idit Shner

DAMAGED by Black Flat (Boring, Maryland), Friday, 22 April 2022 23:44 (three months ago) link

John Wayne Newton

Deez NFTs (Neanderthal), Saturday, 23 April 2022 16:33 (three months ago) link

one month passes...

Ch3rry Crushmore

DAMAGED by Black Flat (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 25 May 2022 17:31 (two months ago) link

Gordon Bunshaft

I have loved the name Gordon Bunshaft for 20+ years and I hereby enshrine it in this thread.

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Thursday, 26 May 2022 05:45 (two months ago) link

two weeks pass...

i know him. he's a great writer :)

Tracer Hand, Friday, 10 June 2022 09:14 (two months ago) link

two weeks pass...

There's a woman where I work called Yoko Rigby. No sign of Eleanor Ono though.

Eavis Has Left the Building (Tom D.), Tuesday, 28 June 2022 15:51 (one month ago) link

Did we do this one? Elizabeth Wrigley-Field?

Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 28 June 2022 22:23 (one month ago) link

wow that is top tier

Kompakt Total Landscaping (Will M.), Tuesday, 28 June 2022 22:30 (one month ago) link

The next supreme court election is April 2023, when rightwing Justice Patience Roggensack's seat is on the ballot

m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Sunday, 3 July 2022 02:15 (one month ago) link

What I discovered today when reading Sofia Coppola's wiki (this guy is her husband):

Thomas Pablo Croquet (born 21 November 1976), known as Thomas Mars, is a French musician and the lead singer of the French indie pop band Phoenix.
Shouldn't have changed his name!

dow, Sunday, 3 July 2022 02:29 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

Brent Leggs

Antifa Sandwich Artist (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 19 July 2022 13:57 (one month ago) link

 former Ohio Secretary of State candidate Terpsehore Maras

m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Tuesday, 19 July 2022 15:12 (one month ago) link

Hillous Buel "Bew" Butrum, American country music guitar player and member of Hank Williams' Drifting Cowboys

Andy the Grasshopper, Tuesday, 19 July 2022 16:50 (one month ago) link

Now there’s a name.

— Neil (@_Enanem_) July 19, 2022

Portsmouth Bubblejet, Tuesday, 19 July 2022 17:34 (one month ago) link

Just remembered this then-girl I met in a hostel in Madrid in 2005, didn't spend much time with her, but her name just stuck with me, turns out she is now a doctor, hooray!

link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 22 July 2022 21:57 (four weeks ago) link

Arthur Lee Drinkard Warrick (Dionne Warwick’s mom)

Meme for an Imaginary Western (James Redd and the Blecchs), Saturday, 23 July 2022 14:51 (three weeks ago) link

Got a guy running for Governor of NV (R of course) named Seven Achilles Evans

made entirely of styrofoam (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Tuesday, 26 July 2022 10:04 (three weeks ago) link

Mondo Duplantis

andrew m., Wednesday, 27 July 2022 16:12 (three weeks ago) link

"Cal Clutterbuck is a Canadian professional ice hockey right winger"

oh man i keep a doc going with all my fave hockey names. so many great ones.

andrew m., Wednesday, 27 July 2022 16:13 (three weeks ago) link

Nottingham Forest are reportedly interested in Jizz Hornkamp from Willem II

— Project Football (@ProjectFootball) August 4, 2022

Portsmouth Bubblejet, Thursday, 4 August 2022 11:16 (two weeks ago) link

great name. rolls off the tongue.

andrew m., Thursday, 4 August 2022 14:05 (two weeks ago) link

I may have mentioned this before, but one of Bristol's top urologists is Professor Hashim Hashim:

Hashim apparently translates as "destroyer of evil", which makes sense because he's an NHS surgeon. It's his job to destroy evil. In the form of urethral strictures, prostatic enlargement, excessive night-time urination, and general urological problems. He destroys the heck out of evil.

A few years ago I remember speaking with a man whose surname was Electricwallah. It seems that the British insisted that Parsis should have a surname for legal reasons, thus people called Bicyclewallah and Biscuitwallah etc:

Of course it's no different from people in Britain being called Baker or Smith or Axialflowturbinemaintenancetechnician. In fact I went to school with a chap called Simon Axialflowturbinemaintenancetechnician. Do you know what his dad did? He looked after axial flow turbines.

Ashley Pomeroy, Thursday, 4 August 2022 19:28 (two weeks ago) link

A search of the GMC register reveals that there's a GP in Dorset called Dr Kimberley Jupiter Sing Ming Goldstein-Jackson, and a substance abuse specialist in Derby called Dr Martin Franz Frederick Von Fragstein.

The only Dr Doctor seems to have filled in their details incorrectly. As far as I can tell Dr Octagon is not registered to practice here in the UK.

Ashley Pomeroy, Thursday, 4 August 2022 19:50 (two weeks ago) link

Jetro Danovich Sexer Willems

Buckfast At Tiffany's (Tom D.), Tuesday, 9 August 2022 21:25 (one week ago) link

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