Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (sixteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (sixteen years ago) link


M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (sixteen years ago) link


Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (sixteen years ago) link

okay i made that one up

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (sixteen years ago) link

Booz Wierdsma exists

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (sixteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (sixteen years ago) link

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (sixteen years ago) link

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (sixteen years ago) link

Zinedine Zidane.

James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (sixteen years ago) link

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (sixteen years ago) link

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (sixteen years ago) link

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (sixteen years ago) link

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (sixteen years ago) link

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (sixteen years ago) link

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (sixteen years ago) link

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (sixteen years ago) link

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (sixteen years ago) link

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (sixteen years ago) link

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (sixteen years ago) link

Rocco Baldelli

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (sixteen years ago) link

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (sixteen years ago) link

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (sixteen years ago) link


martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (sixteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (sixteen years ago) link

martin, I like your name!

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (sixteen years ago) link

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (sixteen years ago) link

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (sixteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (sixteen years ago) link

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (sixteen years ago) link

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (sixteen years ago) link

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (sixteen years ago) link

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (sixteen years ago) link

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (sixteen years ago) link

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (sixteen years ago) link

I paid $30 for that one time...

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (sixteen years ago) link

You got ripped off.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (sixteen years ago) link

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (sixteen years ago) link

me to thread!

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (sixteen years ago) link

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (sixteen years ago) link

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (sixteen years ago) link

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (sixteen years ago) link

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (sixteen years ago) link

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (sixteen years ago) link

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (sixteen years ago) link

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (sixteen years ago) link

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (sixteen years ago) link

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (sixteen years ago) link🕸

joke hermes

breastcrawl, Tuesday, 13 August 2019 16:00 (five months ago) link

two weeks pass...

l1bertad v1tal

Seany's too Dyche to mention (jim in vancouver), Friday, 30 August 2019 16:31 (four months ago) link

A1r J0rdan L0uis Qu1nto

FUCK YOUR POTATO (Neanderthal), Friday, 30 August 2019 21:37 (four months ago) link

so before she got married she was never Shona Dick?
― mick signals

I slept on this but actually a friend and I wrote a song to this effect.

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Friday, 30 August 2019 23:31 (four months ago) link

TOday's Washington Post features a letter to the editor from one Thankful Vanderstar.

tobo73, Sunday, 1 September 2019 18:58 (four months ago) link

guto bebb

j., Wednesday, 4 September 2019 02:33 (four months ago) link

Pat Ham

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 4 September 2019 03:12 (four months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Ruud Sweering

wot's the tea mum? (not beef again) (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 25 September 2019 19:51 (four months ago) link

When you sort a list of players in Major League Baseball history alphabetically by first name, this is the full list of all the players between Simon Pond and Sol Carter.

It is not a doctored list. It is, however, an important list.

— Grant Brisbee (@GrantBrisbee) September 14, 2019

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Friday, 4 October 2019 16:20 (three months ago) link


Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 4 October 2019 20:37 (three months ago) link

Close thread

Madchen, Saturday, 5 October 2019 07:24 (three months ago) link

Sleve McDichael, the man, the myth, the ledeng

When I am afraid, I put my toast in you (Neanderthal), Saturday, 5 October 2019 14:15 (three months ago) link

the opening credits of "The Chinese Stuntman", which I was watching again because I love the theme music, note that the film guest stars "Ban Rando". Their parents may or may not have named them that. Good movie.

Calpico Girlfriend (rushomancy), Sunday, 6 October 2019 20:27 (three months ago) link

Tytti Typpurainen

Terry Micawber (Tom D.), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 13:56 (three months ago) link

lol i was just coming here to post that

to regain his mental focus, he played video-game golf (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 13:57 (three months ago) link

From the Marshall Efron obit:

Alfa-Betty Olsen

nickn, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 16:25 (three months ago) link

xxp most of my relatives and my wife's relatives and the relatives of people I grew up with were from Finland and so were always making up fake finnish names that sound vaguely or explicitly obscene because so many of them sort of sound that way already, Tytti being a perfect example.

joygoat, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 16:43 (three months ago) link

when my dad was a young reporter, his beat covered an area with a lot of Finno-Americans. The bureau concocted an imaginary troublemaker named Wayno Savalampi.

bendy, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 18:13 (three months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Son of Professor Peter Grindrod CBE, apparently. According to his oddly thorough Wikipedia entry the family has four children, "Tom, Chris, Jumbly and Sophie", which raises all kinds of questions.

Ashley Pomeroy, Sunday, 3 November 2019 22:17 (two months ago) link

It certainly does!

Michael Oliver of Penge Wins £5 (Tom D.), Sunday, 3 November 2019 22:46 (two months ago) link

this is vastly more satisfying than black sheep

"she was always sort of the jumbly grindrod"

Suggest Banshee (Hadrian VIII), Monday, 4 November 2019 13:29 (two months ago) link

Heckenlively is a garbage person, though

El Tomboto, Thursday, 14 November 2019 01:02 (two months ago) link

Kent Fuckenslimey

Jordan Pickford LOLverdrive (Neanderthal), Thursday, 14 November 2019 01:15 (two months ago) link

Suggest Banshee (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 14 November 2019 02:02 (two months ago) link

Marx Lenin Dos Santos

oscar A, Thursday, 14 November 2019 21:21 (two months ago) link

Maybe not objectively a great real name but as a reporter on this story...

joygoat, Thursday, 14 November 2019 21:33 (two months ago) link

So apparently Belinda Carlisle's replacement as drummer for the Germs in 1977 was named Donna Rhia.

Jordan Pickford LOLverdrive (Neanderthal), Monday, 18 November 2019 04:58 (two months ago) link

Stage name. Recanted!

Jordan Pickford LOLverdrive (Neanderthal), Monday, 18 November 2019 05:06 (two months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Lowmoan Spectacular

epistantophus, Monday, 2 December 2019 12:47 (one month ago) link

couple of great names on the current memphis tigers men's basketball roster:

Boogie Ellis
Precious Achiuwa

andrew m., Monday, 2 December 2019 16:07 (one month ago) link

Doctor Casino, Friday, 6 December 2019 18:53 (one month ago) link

"Tulikukka" literally means "fireflower"... I've never heard of such a name before, presumably her parents were hippies or something, or she's changed it as an adult.

Tuomas, Friday, 13 December 2019 08:08 (one month ago) link

Hmm, apparently there are 30 or so people in Finland with that name, so I guess it's not unique.

Tuomas, Friday, 13 December 2019 08:10 (one month ago) link

Not a name per se but three cheers for the 'first initial of first name + last name' email address convention at this one dude's place of work that resulted in me receiving correspondence from a 'CHUDSON'.

(Although it still doesn't unseat the champion from my last place of work, where our 'first four letters of last name + first initial of first name' username convention surely hung like an albatross around poor P@trick FukuShima's neck.)

i was so hungry that i ate a hole cake entirely to myself (Old Lunch), Thursday, 19 December 2019 16:30 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

Vesto Slipher

pflōck (P. Flick), Monday, 6 January 2020 21:26 (three weeks ago) link

very Metal gear Solid name

"Third of the Storms" Jazz (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 8 January 2020 11:16 (two weeks ago) link

One of the Great Great Real Names:

Frozen Mug (Tom D.), Wednesday, 8 January 2020 11:29 (two weeks ago) link

Great real dead names: Just saw Hetty Swales on a grave.

calzino, Wednesday, 8 January 2020 12:20 (two weeks ago) link

Septimus Neverson

pomenitul, Friday, 10 January 2020 16:01 (two weeks ago) link

Beckham Wheeler-Greenall
New Zealand
Full name Beckham Reef Wheeler-Greenall

was a toss-up between this thread and 'abysmal real names' tbh but let's be kind to beckham reef wheeler-greenall

opden gnash (imago), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 20:03 (two weeks ago) link

Severin Hacker

We Jam von Economo (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 19 January 2020 00:50 (one week ago) link

Barby Barbara (only became this nane after marriage)

papa stank (Neanderthal), Sunday, 19 January 2020 00:56 (one week ago) link

Tuna Altınel

pomenitul, Saturday, 25 January 2020 11:25 (three days ago) link

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