Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (sixteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (sixteen years ago) link

(ahem)

M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (sixteen years ago) link

ThatFuckerJessHarvell

Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (sixteen years ago) link

okay i made that one up

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (sixteen years ago) link

Booz Wierdsma exists

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (sixteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (sixteen years ago) link

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (sixteen years ago) link

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (sixteen years ago) link

Zinedine Zidane.

James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (sixteen years ago) link

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (sixteen years ago) link

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (sixteen years ago) link

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (sixteen years ago) link

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (sixteen years ago) link

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (sixteen years ago) link

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (sixteen years ago) link

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (sixteen years ago) link

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (sixteen years ago) link

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (sixteen years ago) link

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (sixteen years ago) link

Rocco Baldelli

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (sixteen years ago) link

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (sixteen years ago) link

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (sixteen years ago) link

me.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (sixteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (sixteen years ago) link

martin, I like your name!

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (sixteen years ago) link

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (sixteen years ago) link

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (sixteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (sixteen years ago) link

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (sixteen years ago) link

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (sixteen years ago) link

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (sixteen years ago) link

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (sixteen years ago) link

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (sixteen years ago) link

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (sixteen years ago) link

I paid $30 for that one time...

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (sixteen years ago) link

You got ripped off.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (sixteen years ago) link

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (sixteen years ago) link

me to thread!

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (sixteen years ago) link

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (sixteen years ago) link

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (sixteen years ago) link

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (sixteen years ago) link

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (sixteen years ago) link

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (sixteen years ago) link

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (sixteen years ago) link

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (sixteen years ago) link

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (sixteen years ago) link

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (sixteen years ago) link

Marnix De Cat

pomenitul, Monday, 22 April 2019 13:46 (six months ago) link

Final Four:

—Storm Duck
—Pope Thrower
—Jizyah Shorts
—Chastity Gooch-Fant

https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--K3_RATwV--/c_scale,dpr_2.0,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/i7ivorfl7uiolw5x96db.png

d'ILM for Murder (Hadrian VIII), Wednesday, 1 May 2019 17:20 (six months ago) link

pouring one out for general booty

nxd, Thursday, 2 May 2019 09:57 (six months ago) link

Reading a biography of Lester B. Pearson, within the space of a few pages I was introduced to:

Gladwyn Jebb
J. W. Pickersgill
Hume Wrong

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Saturday, 4 May 2019 23:15 (six months ago) link

The ability to cook and bake with the liquid from canned beans was discovered only two years ago by Goose Wohlt, a vegan American software engineer who was attempting to create eggless meringues for his mother's Passover seder. Wohlt found that the liquid from garbanzo beans, or chickpeas, could be whipped and used as an egg replacer. He called the bean liquid aquafaba

lispectah deck (unregistered), Sunday, 5 May 2019 20:35 (six months ago) link

As the major title winners struggled to take advantage, Johnson was joined on five under by relatively unknown Americans Harold Varner III (67) and Luke List (69) and Thailand's Jazz Janewattananond (67).

imago, Saturday, 18 May 2019 23:27 (five months ago) link

that's 3 for 3 imo

imago, Saturday, 18 May 2019 23:27 (five months ago) link

one month passes...

kudos

ogmor, Thursday, 20 June 2019 14:12 (four months ago) link

it's the "Dad, why was I named Rose?" "Because your mother loves Roses" meme come to life

frogbs, Thursday, 20 June 2019 20:16 (four months ago) link

Hello, my name is Tito Bosnia. In the last few days, the identity of my name has been viral and widely spoken in the media and social media in Bosnia-Herzegovina

First of all, I would like to confirm that my name is original and certified in my Certificate of Birth

— bosnia tito (@iybos) June 30, 2019

ShariVari, Sunday, 30 June 2019 16:40 (four months ago) link

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruud_Brood

Ruud Brood, manager of NAC Breda

cherry blossom, Thursday, 4 July 2019 04:30 (four months ago) link

Had an email from R0xy Rhodes.

Dan Worsley, Monday, 8 July 2019 11:12 (four months ago) link

Skip Luckadoo

I Ate Those Food (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 9 July 2019 16:23 (four months ago) link

two weeks pass...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yvonne_Mosquito

Dan Worsley, Sunday, 28 July 2019 11:29 (three months ago) link

Leone Sextus Denys Oswolf Fraudatifilius Tollemache-Tollemache de Orellana Plantagenet Tollemache-Tollemache

pomenitul, Wednesday, 31 July 2019 14:17 (three months ago) link

Ah 'hink ah went tae school wi' that cunt.

How to Book Michael Fish (Tom D.), Wednesday, 31 July 2019 14:36 (three months ago) link

Leone Sextus Denys Oswolf Fraudatifilius Tollemache-Tollemache de Orellana Plantagenet Tollemache-Tollemache


The double hyphenated Tollemache really separates this one from the rest of the field.

tobo73, Wednesday, 31 July 2019 15:46 (three months ago) link

https://www.uva.nl/en/profile/j.c.hermes

joke hermes

j., Tuesday, 13 August 2019 00:36 (three months ago) link

one time I worked in a bank and there were index cards for "June Bugge" and "Shona Dick" - both married names, even.

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Tuesday, 13 August 2019 01:08 (three months ago) link

so before she got married she was never Shona Dick?

mick signals, Tuesday, 13 August 2019 03:28 (three months ago) link

Kind of unrelated, but in French, Sean Connery is hilarious because Connery sounds like 'connerie', i.e. idiocy, cuntishness, a fuck-up or a trifle.

pomenitul, Tuesday, 13 August 2019 14:41 (three months ago) link

https://www.uva.nl/en/profile/j.c.hermes🕸

joke hermes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MheQ_jmE5xY

breastcrawl, Tuesday, 13 August 2019 16:00 (three months ago) link

two weeks pass...

l1bertad v1tal

Seany's too Dyche to mention (jim in vancouver), Friday, 30 August 2019 16:31 (two months ago) link

A1r J0rdan L0uis Qu1nto

FUCK YOUR POTATO (Neanderthal), Friday, 30 August 2019 21:37 (two months ago) link

so before she got married she was never Shona Dick?
― mick signals

I slept on this but actually a friend and I wrote a song to this effect.

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Friday, 30 August 2019 23:31 (two months ago) link

TOday's Washington Post features a letter to the editor from one Thankful Vanderstar.

tobo73, Sunday, 1 September 2019 18:58 (two months ago) link

guto bebb

j., Wednesday, 4 September 2019 02:33 (two months ago) link

Pat Ham

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 4 September 2019 03:12 (two months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Ruud Sweering

wot's the tea mum? (not beef again) (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 25 September 2019 19:51 (one month ago) link

When you sort a list of players in Major League Baseball history alphabetically by first name, this is the full list of all the players between Simon Pond and Sol Carter.

It is not a doctored list. It is, however, an important list. pic.twitter.com/zl6fX2Ipku

— Grant Brisbee (@GrantBrisbee) September 14, 2019

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Friday, 4 October 2019 16:20 (one month ago) link

DAMN

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 4 October 2019 20:37 (one month ago) link

Close thread

Madchen, Saturday, 5 October 2019 07:24 (one month ago) link

Sleve McDichael, the man, the myth, the ledeng

When I am afraid, I put my toast in you (Neanderthal), Saturday, 5 October 2019 14:15 (one month ago) link

the opening credits of "The Chinese Stuntman", which I was watching again because I love the theme music, note that the film guest stars "Ban Rando". Their parents may or may not have named them that. Good movie.

https://youtu.be/XJ2tQUaDxaE?t=263

Calpico Girlfriend (rushomancy), Sunday, 6 October 2019 20:27 (one month ago) link

Tytti Typpurainen

Terry Micawber (Tom D.), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 13:56 (one month ago) link

lol i was just coming here to post that

to regain his mental focus, he played video-game golf (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 13:57 (one month ago) link

From the Marshall Efron obit:

Alfa-Betty Olsen

nickn, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 16:25 (one month ago) link

xxp most of my relatives and my wife's relatives and the relatives of people I grew up with were from Finland and so were always making up fake finnish names that sound vaguely or explicitly obscene because so many of them sort of sound that way already, Tytti being a perfect example.

joygoat, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 16:43 (one month ago) link

when my dad was a young reporter, his beat covered an area with a lot of Finno-Americans. The bureau concocted an imaginary troublemaker named Wayno Savalampi.

bendy, Wednesday, 16 October 2019 18:13 (four weeks ago) link

two weeks pass...

Son of Professor Peter Grindrod CBE, apparently. According to his oddly thorough Wikipedia entry the family has four children, "Tom, Chris, Jumbly and Sophie", which raises all kinds of questions.

Ashley Pomeroy, Sunday, 3 November 2019 22:17 (one week ago) link

It certainly does!

Michael Oliver of Penge Wins £5 (Tom D.), Sunday, 3 November 2019 22:46 (one week ago) link

this is vastly more satisfying than black sheep

"she was always sort of the jumbly grindrod"

Suggest Banshee (Hadrian VIII), Monday, 4 November 2019 13:29 (one week ago) link


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