Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (nineteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (nineteen years ago) link


M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (nineteen years ago) link


Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (nineteen years ago) link

okay i made that one up

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (nineteen years ago) link

Booz Wierdsma exists

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (nineteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (nineteen years ago) link

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (nineteen years ago) link

Zinedine Zidane.

James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (nineteen years ago) link

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (nineteen years ago) link

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (nineteen years ago) link

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (nineteen years ago) link

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (nineteen years ago) link

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (nineteen years ago) link

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (nineteen years ago) link

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (nineteen years ago) link

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (nineteen years ago) link

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Rocco Baldelli

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (nineteen years ago) link

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (nineteen years ago) link


martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (nineteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (nineteen years ago) link

martin, I like your name!

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (nineteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (nineteen years ago) link

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (nineteen years ago) link

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (nineteen years ago) link

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (nineteen years ago) link

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (nineteen years ago) link

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (nineteen years ago) link

I paid $30 for that one time...

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (nineteen years ago) link

You got ripped off.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (nineteen years ago) link

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (nineteen years ago) link

me to thread!

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (nineteen years ago) link

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (nineteen years ago) link

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (nineteen years ago) link

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (nineteen years ago) link

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (nineteen years ago) link

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (nineteen years ago) link

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (nineteen years ago) link

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (nineteen years ago) link

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (nineteen years ago) link

There's a woman where I work called Yoko Rigby. No sign of Eleanor Ono though.

Eavis Has Left the Building (Tom D.), Tuesday, 28 June 2022 15:51 (seven months ago) link

Did we do this one? Elizabeth Wrigley-Field?

Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 28 June 2022 22:23 (seven months ago) link

wow that is top tier

Kompakt Total Landscaping (Will M.), Tuesday, 28 June 2022 22:30 (seven months ago) link

The next supreme court election is April 2023, when rightwing Justice Patience Roggensack's seat is on the ballot

m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Sunday, 3 July 2022 02:15 (seven months ago) link

What I discovered today when reading Sofia Coppola's wiki (this guy is her husband):

Thomas Pablo Croquet (born 21 November 1976), known as Thomas Mars, is a French musician and the lead singer of the French indie pop band Phoenix.
Shouldn't have changed his name!

dow, Sunday, 3 July 2022 02:29 (seven months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Brent Leggs

Antifa Sandwich Artist (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 19 July 2022 13:57 (six months ago) link

 former Ohio Secretary of State candidate Terpsehore Maras

m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Tuesday, 19 July 2022 15:12 (six months ago) link

Hillous Buel "Bew" Butrum, American country music guitar player and member of Hank Williams' Drifting Cowboys

Andy the Grasshopper, Tuesday, 19 July 2022 16:50 (six months ago) link

Now there’s a name.

— Neil (@_Enanem_) July 19, 2022

Portsmouth Bubblejet, Tuesday, 19 July 2022 17:34 (six months ago) link

Just remembered this then-girl I met in a hostel in Madrid in 2005, didn't spend much time with her, but her name just stuck with me, turns out she is now a doctor, hooray!

link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 22 July 2022 21:57 (six months ago) link

Arthur Lee Drinkard Warrick (Dionne Warwick’s mom)

Meme for an Imaginary Western (James Redd and the Blecchs), Saturday, 23 July 2022 14:51 (six months ago) link

Got a guy running for Governor of NV (R of course) named Seven Achilles Evans

made entirely of styrofoam (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Tuesday, 26 July 2022 10:04 (six months ago) link

Mondo Duplantis

andrew m., Wednesday, 27 July 2022 16:12 (six months ago) link

"Cal Clutterbuck is a Canadian professional ice hockey right winger"

oh man i keep a doc going with all my fave hockey names. so many great ones.

andrew m., Wednesday, 27 July 2022 16:13 (six months ago) link

Nottingham Forest are reportedly interested in Jizz Hornkamp from Willem II

— Project Football (@ProjectFootball) August 4, 2022

Portsmouth Bubblejet, Thursday, 4 August 2022 11:16 (six months ago) link

great name. rolls off the tongue.

andrew m., Thursday, 4 August 2022 14:05 (six months ago) link

I may have mentioned this before, but one of Bristol's top urologists is Professor Hashim Hashim:

Hashim apparently translates as "destroyer of evil", which makes sense because he's an NHS surgeon. It's his job to destroy evil. In the form of urethral strictures, prostatic enlargement, excessive night-time urination, and general urological problems. He destroys the heck out of evil.

A few years ago I remember speaking with a man whose surname was Electricwallah. It seems that the British insisted that Parsis should have a surname for legal reasons, thus people called Bicyclewallah and Biscuitwallah etc:

Of course it's no different from people in Britain being called Baker or Smith or Axialflowturbinemaintenancetechnician. In fact I went to school with a chap called Simon Axialflowturbinemaintenancetechnician. Do you know what his dad did? He looked after axial flow turbines.

Ashley Pomeroy, Thursday, 4 August 2022 19:28 (six months ago) link

A search of the GMC register reveals that there's a GP in Dorset called Dr Kimberley Jupiter Sing Ming Goldstein-Jackson, and a substance abuse specialist in Derby called Dr Martin Franz Frederick Von Fragstein.

The only Dr Doctor seems to have filled in their details incorrectly. As far as I can tell Dr Octagon is not registered to practice here in the UK.

Ashley Pomeroy, Thursday, 4 August 2022 19:50 (six months ago) link

Jetro Danovich Sexer Willems

Buckfast At Tiffany's (Tom D.), Tuesday, 9 August 2022 21:25 (five months ago) link

one month passes...

Hermine Hug-Hellmuth

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Friday, 23 September 2022 20:14 (four months ago) link

N0ra B0umzebra

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Saturday, 24 September 2022 06:49 (four months ago) link

Sneed B. Collard III

I don't know whether to post this here or in 'people who have figured out how to live'. dude writes awesome science-y books about animals for kids.

"H to the Izzo" means "I love you" (Deflatormouse), Wednesday, 28 September 2022 01:03 (four months ago) link

Sneed Collard spent seven days at the Walworth Barbour American International School in Israel

guess i picked the right thread then

"H to the Izzo" means "I love you" (Deflatormouse), Wednesday, 28 September 2022 01:12 (four months ago) link

@rbutus tr3u

underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Wednesday, 28 September 2022 02:06 (four months ago) link

Rolf Wanka (1901–1982), an Austrian actor

black ark oakensaw (doo rag), Wednesday, 28 September 2022 04:39 (four months ago) link

Roger Kuntz (died 1975), an American landscape painter

black ark oakensaw (doo rag), Wednesday, 28 September 2022 04:40 (four months ago) link

Hans-Wilhelm Scheidt (1907-1981), German Nazi official

black ark oakensaw (doo rag), Wednesday, 28 September 2022 04:42 (four months ago) link

Dox Thrash has been turning up in my art twitter followings recently.

Look closely, that is all. (doo dah), Wednesday, 28 September 2022 13:30 (four months ago) link

F@ll0n H0use, in one of my classes

esp given the weather in FL this week, made for a chuckle.

stank viola (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 28 September 2022 22:48 (four months ago) link


— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) October 1, 2022

Portsmouth Bubblejet, Sunday, 2 October 2022 15:35 (four months ago) link

general is, on one hand, maybe the most conservative thing you can name your kid. unless your last name is booty

that is amazing

Karl Malone, Sunday, 2 October 2022 16:05 (four months ago) link

Coke Wisdom O'Neal (father of the actor Patrick O'Neal).

Fronted by a bearded Phil Collins (Tom D.), Friday, 7 October 2022 19:30 (three months ago) link

now met a dude whose name is J0nath@n B33gl3, but he goes by B33gl3, so his name is B33gl3 B33gl3

stank viola (Neanderthal), Friday, 7 October 2022 20:52 (three months ago) link

Playwright Thom Babe

Fronted by a bearded Phil Collins (Tom D.), Friday, 21 October 2022 12:58 (three months ago) link

Harry Baals

stank viola (Neanderthal), Friday, 21 October 2022 16:31 (three months ago) link

Played in a band with a bass player named Harry Savage. (Yes, his real name.)

a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Friday, 21 October 2022 16:37 (three months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Tracer Hand, Thursday, 10 November 2022 14:48 (two months ago) link

Bellend Sebastian (S-), Wednesday, 23 November 2022 13:56 (two months ago) link

Just got an email from a recruiter named Othello I. Mayweather.

ooh I wanna take ya to Topeka (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 23 November 2022 16:57 (two months ago) link

― Bellend Sebastian (S-), Wednesday, November 23, 2022 5:56 AM

So, Brigitte Hellgoth or Günter Zamp Kelp?

nickn, Wednesday, 23 November 2022 17:45 (two months ago) link

(Bishop) Climate Wiseman

Gulf VAR Syndrome (Tom D.), Thursday, 8 December 2022 18:27 (one month ago) link

forgotten comics writer Gaylord Du Bois

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Tuesday, 20 December 2022 00:31 (one month ago) link

three weeks pass...

BREAKING: A federal grand jury has indicted Hatchet Speed, the Naval Reserves petty officer already charged in the Capitol riot, on three new felony counts for allegedly possessing unregistered silencers. Speed made his initial court appearance at 2 p.m.

— Jordan Fischer (@JordanOnRecord) September 7, 2022

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 11 January 2023 22:44 (three weeks ago) link

Hatchet Speed
Shine your light on me

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Thursday, 12 January 2023 01:43 (three weeks ago) link

easily the best name I've seen on LinkedIn, or perhaps anywhere

— Sergio Sarcagian (the "Desert Diva") (@crulge) January 23, 2023

Karl Malone, Monday, 23 January 2023 21:01 (two weeks ago) link

Tanaquil Le Clercq

Cry for a Shadowgraph (James Redd and the Blecchs), Friday, 27 January 2023 15:33 (one week ago) link

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