Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (eighteen years ago) link


M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (eighteen years ago) link


Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (eighteen years ago) link

okay i made that one up

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Booz Wierdsma exists

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (eighteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (eighteen years ago) link

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (eighteen years ago) link

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (eighteen years ago) link

Zinedine Zidane.

James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (eighteen years ago) link

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (eighteen years ago) link

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (eighteen years ago) link

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (eighteen years ago) link

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (eighteen years ago) link

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (eighteen years ago) link

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (eighteen years ago) link

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (eighteen years ago) link

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (eighteen years ago) link

Rocco Baldelli

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (eighteen years ago) link

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (eighteen years ago) link

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (eighteen years ago) link


martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (eighteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (eighteen years ago) link

martin, I like your name!

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (eighteen years ago) link

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (eighteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (eighteen years ago) link

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (eighteen years ago) link

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (eighteen years ago) link

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (eighteen years ago) link

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (eighteen years ago) link

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (eighteen years ago) link

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (eighteen years ago) link

I paid $30 for that one time...

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (eighteen years ago) link

You got ripped off.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (eighteen years ago) link

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (eighteen years ago) link

me to thread!

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (eighteen years ago) link

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (eighteen years ago) link

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (eighteen years ago) link

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (eighteen years ago) link

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (eighteen years ago) link

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (eighteen years ago) link

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (eighteen years ago) link

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (eighteen years ago) link

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (eighteen years ago) link

not a clean sheet in sight

nxd, Saturday, 30 January 2021 17:42 (eight months ago) link

Actual LOL.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Saturday, 30 January 2021 17:53 (eight months ago) link


And correct me if I'm wrong, but 'Jizz' doesn't appear to be a common name or diminutive in the Netherlands, so I can't even begin to imagine what his parents were thinking.

pomenitul, Saturday, 30 January 2021 18:10 (eight months ago) link

I have never heard of it as a name before, but Mr Hornkamp appears not to be the only one. Meet Jizzy-Joy (who's not a witch):

Long Tall Arsetee & the Shaker Intros (breastcrawl), Saturday, 30 January 2021 18:53 (eight months ago) link

oh, and here is Jizz H. himself, literally complaining about his "dry spell" less than three weeks ago:

Long Tall Arsetee & the Shaker Intros (breastcrawl), Saturday, 30 January 2021 18:57 (eight months ago) link

(well, to be completely honest with you, it's the newspaper that's referring to that dry spell, but why ruin a good story. can't tell if they're using it in a wink-wink nudge-nudge kind of way, it's completely possible that they're playing it straight. think most of the readership wouldn't have picked up on it either way)

Long Tall Arsetee & the Shaker Intros (breastcrawl), Saturday, 30 January 2021 18:58 (eight months ago) link

two weeks pass...

SCOOP: Biden has picked CHIQUITA BROOKS-LaSURE to run the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, the sweeping $1 trillion agency that also oversees the Affordable Care Act, say three people with knowledge of decision.

— Dan Diamond (@ddiamond) February 17, 2021

jaymc, Wednesday, 17 February 2021 20:39 (eight months ago) link

RZA Minnelli (Leee), Monday, 22 February 2021 23:13 (seven months ago) link

Sorry if I missed it, but I did a ctrl+F to see if anyone mentioned this one:

Sean Biggerstaff, who played Oliver Wood. A two for one, if you will.

hourspass, Monday, 22 February 2021 23:16 (seven months ago) link

Notker Balbulus, aka Notker the Stammerer

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Tuesday, 23 February 2021 07:45 (seven months ago) link

He was contemporary with the fellow monks Tuotilo and Ratpert.[3][4][5]

I'm Going to Bring a Watermelon to Mark Grout Tonight (Tom D.), Tuesday, 23 February 2021 09:13 (seven months ago) link

loved the strip where Ratpert gave Dilbert murine typhus

if you meh them, shut up (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 23 February 2021 22:19 (seven months ago) link

one month passes...

From a link in the lawyer cat thread:

The British geneticist Oliphant Jackson demonstrated this unequivocally in a most elegant series of classic genetic and radiological experiments in a hospital basement in the 1970s.

Duncan Disorderly (Tom D.), Monday, 29 March 2021 17:10 (six months ago) link

I learned about this guy while watching the Netflix documentary about the Challenger shuttle disaster:

Winthrop Cashdollar

In on the killfile (Boring, Maryland), Thursday, 8 April 2021 20:34 (six months ago) link

so, so close to the right syllables for a "Winchester Cathedral" riff

sgt. pepper's one-and-only bobo honkin' band (Doctor Casino), Friday, 9 April 2021 01:08 (six months ago) link

Velvet Beard

In on the killfile (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 12 April 2021 20:39 (six months ago) link

Fartato Olsen

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Friday, 23 April 2021 07:01 (five months ago) link

Fashion Sakala

Authoritarian Steaks (Tom D.), Tuesday, 4 May 2021 15:36 (five months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Océane Babel

pomenitul, Tuesday, 18 May 2021 19:58 (five months ago) link

Benedict Hollerbach

a hoy hoy, Monday, 24 May 2021 07:06 (four months ago) link

that's Ugly Johnny Dickshot to you

Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 25 May 2021 09:16 (four months ago) link

Michael Majestic

Van Halen dot Senate dot flashlight (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 25 May 2021 13:50 (four months ago) link

Susan Spain-Dunk

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Monday, 7 June 2021 03:37 (four months ago) link

There is someone at work with the first name of Sword (and also someone with the last name Swords). Very strong.

change display name (Jordan), Monday, 7 June 2021 19:50 (four months ago) link

French Tickner

Tracer Hand, Sunday, 13 June 2021 22:08 (four months ago) link

Someone found a credit card in my neighbourhood and posted it to the local Facebook group:

Mr J@y @ Blunt

Peter Greenaway's Fleetwood Mac (S-), Tuesday, 15 June 2021 02:46 (four months ago) link

Puts me in mind of a terrible terrible pun ala that "Late Arrivals" final round that sometimes appears on BBC Radio 4's 'I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue'...

"Please welcome to the Smokers' Ball, Mr. Iain Nigel Alistair Blunt and Mrs. Joy Blunt and their son, I. N. Joy A. Blunt II."


brain (krakow), Tuesday, 15 June 2021 17:21 (four months ago) link

Perhaps Mr. Blunt's folks were fans

Peter Greenaway's Fleetwood Mac (S-), Wednesday, 16 June 2021 03:30 (four months ago) link

three weeks pass...

awesome name

Z_TBD (Karl Malone), Friday, 9 July 2021 16:47 (three months ago) link

So I've known about this girl for years and it's for being an absolute hoooooper. Already a huge fan and to now see she won the National Spelling Bee?! Incredible. Check out her IG:

Will probably be our President someday.

— C.J. Toledano (@CJToledano) July 9, 2021

Z_TBD (Karl Malone), Sunday, 11 July 2021 07:34 (three months ago) link

Many of top Scripps spellers start competing as young as kindergarten. Zaila started only a few years ago, after her father, Jawara Spacetime, watched the bee on TV and realized his daughter's affinity for doing complicated math in her head could translate well to spelling.

in a bar, under the (seandalai), Sunday, 11 July 2021 13:42 (three months ago) link

Something tells me these are not their birth names.

Wouldn't disgrace a Michael Jackson (Tom D.), Sunday, 11 July 2021 13:47 (three months ago) link

Forget their names, she is incredible. Her basketball skills are crazy good as well, already. Spelling is like her summer project

Z_TBD (Karl Malone), Sunday, 11 July 2021 15:39 (three months ago) link

I saw in one of the articles about her that her dad changed her last name to Avant-garde as a tribute to John Coltrane

Lavator Shemmelpennick, Monday, 12 July 2021 13:58 (three months ago) link

zaila's juggling time sounds are the first asmr videos i get

Yours in Sorrow, A Schoolboy: (forksclovetofu), Monday, 12 July 2021 17:59 (three months ago) link

ian, Wednesday, 14 July 2021 14:34 (three months ago) link

Innocent Bonke, midfielder for Malmö.

Scampo di tutti i Scampi (ShariVari), Wednesday, 21 July 2021 18:52 (two months ago) link

Adonis Stalin Preciado striker for Barcelona, Ecuador also with a powerful energy.

Scampo di tutti i Scampi (ShariVari), Wednesday, 21 July 2021 22:52 (two months ago) link

A guy in my local paper’s police blotter with the name “Marquis Desade Scotl@and”.

Bo Burzum (Boring, Maryland), Thursday, 29 July 2021 00:24 (two months ago) link

Didn’t know whether to put this in the great or abysmal category so I went with both:

vmajestic, Tuesday, 3 August 2021 13:50 (two months ago) link

Stunt double Dick Warlock

a hoy hoy, Saturday, 7 August 2021 19:45 (two months ago) link

egil krogh

unknown or illegal user (doo rag), Saturday, 7 August 2021 21:30 (two months ago) link

not a real name but I'm giving props to the AI fake player naming system for this one

making splashes at Dan Flashes (Neanderthal), Sunday, 8 August 2021 17:31 (two months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Veronica Landa-Beavers

Likely someone's lol-facebook name, but it was on a sign-up list for attending a play, where you may have to show ID to get in.

nickn, Thursday, 2 September 2021 16:39 (one month ago) link

one month passes...

Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 12 October 2021 21:35 (one week ago) link


Starmer: "Let the children boogie, let all the children boogie." (Tom D.), Tuesday, 12 October 2021 21:49 (one week ago) link

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