Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (eighteen years ago) link


M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (eighteen years ago) link


Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (eighteen years ago) link

okay i made that one up

jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Booz Wierdsma exists

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (eighteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (eighteen years ago) link

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (eighteen years ago) link

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (eighteen years ago) link

Zinedine Zidane.

James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (eighteen years ago) link

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (eighteen years ago) link

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (eighteen years ago) link

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (eighteen years ago) link

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (eighteen years ago) link

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (eighteen years ago) link

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (eighteen years ago) link

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (eighteen years ago) link

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (eighteen years ago) link

Rocco Baldelli

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (eighteen years ago) link

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (eighteen years ago) link

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (eighteen years ago) link


martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (eighteen years ago) link

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (eighteen years ago) link

martin, I like your name!

hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (eighteen years ago) link

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (eighteen years ago) link

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (eighteen years ago) link

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (eighteen years ago) link

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (eighteen years ago) link

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (eighteen years ago) link

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (eighteen years ago) link

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (eighteen years ago) link

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (eighteen years ago) link

I paid $30 for that one time...

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (eighteen years ago) link

You got ripped off.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (eighteen years ago) link

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (eighteen years ago) link

me to thread!

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (eighteen years ago) link

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (eighteen years ago) link

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (eighteen years ago) link

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (eighteen years ago) link

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (eighteen years ago) link

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (eighteen years ago) link

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (eighteen years ago) link

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (eighteen years ago) link

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Hermione Youlanda Ruby Clinton-Baddeley was an English actress of theatre, film and television. She typically played brash, vulgar characters, often referred to as "brassy" or "blowsy".

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Saturday, 4 July 2020 04:23 (ten months ago) link

Oh the Devon Suckbitches, well that's totally different.

nickn, Saturday, 4 July 2020 05:20 (ten months ago) link

two weeks pass...

A fourth Ward 6 candidate -- Darla Betzer Bonk -- did not respond to multiple interview requests.

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 21 July 2020 14:30 (nine months ago) link

two weeks pass...

New York City’s health commissioner, Dr. Oxiris Barbot, resigned on Tuesday in protest over her “deep disappointment” with Mayor Bill de Blasio’s handling of the coronavirus outbreak and subsequent efforts to keep it in check.

Sonny Shamrock (Tom D.), Tuesday, 4 August 2020 18:29 (nine months ago) link

O Isis und Oxiris, schenket.....

XVI Pedicabo eam (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 4 August 2020 23:09 (nine months ago) link

With a name like that I'd expect her to have been adopted and raised by X-Clan.

Kira Florita

Time Will Show Leo Weiser (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 10 August 2020 18:35 (nine months ago) link

In recognition of the fact that illegal, unreported, and unregulated fishing is of regional concern, the commander of Ecuador’s navy, Rear Adm. Darwin Jarrin, has stated his intention to cooperate with Colombia and Peru on both information sharing and response efforts.

sound of scampo talk to me (El Tomboto), Monday, 17 August 2020 18:21 (eight months ago) link

The Rural Juror starring Darwin Jarrin, Fay Wray, and Jacques Chirac

muntjac wagner (Neanderthal), Monday, 17 August 2020 23:37 (eight months ago) link

Ullanda McCullough

No mean feat. DaBaby (breastcrawl), Friday, 21 August 2020 18:49 (eight months ago) link

just saw a quote request from "Songee Kwark" :)

sleeve, Tuesday, 1 September 2020 19:33 (eight months ago) link

three weeks pass...

D1am0nd Cr@pps

on a roster today.

LaRusso Auto (Neanderthal), Thursday, 24 September 2020 17:28 (seven months ago) link

Was on a GOTV zoom call with this evening with a Sn4z Pi3rre

tobo73, Friday, 25 September 2020 00:37 (seven months ago) link

There was an unfortunate fellow in the Santa Rosa phonebook named Smeggy Felcher. I'm not sure if that's his birth name, but he got a bunch of calls from us in the early 90s.

Andy the Grasshopper, Friday, 25 September 2020 01:02 (seven months ago) link

Guy Forget, tournament director at the French open

i got a homogenic björk wine farmer permabanned (voodoo chili), Monday, 28 September 2020 18:53 (seven months ago) link

also a pretty good player, before my time

i got a homogenic björk wine farmer permabanned (voodoo chili), Monday, 28 September 2020 18:54 (seven months ago) link

i remember watching him play in the early 90’s

terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 28 September 2020 19:30 (seven months ago) link

Romanos Lekapenos, Byzantine emperor

The little engine that choogled (hardcore dilettante), Saturday, 3 October 2020 04:56 (seven months ago) link

thought I'd opened the obituary thread and was really confused for a sec

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 3 October 2020 10:58 (seven months ago) link

burying the lede imo

Romanos Lekapenos, born in Lakape (later Laqabin) between Melitene and Samosata (hence the name), was the son of an Armenian peasant[1][2][3] with the remarkable name of Theophylact the Unbearable (Theophylaktos Abastaktos).

timber euros (seandalai), Sunday, 4 October 2020 01:37 (seven months ago) link

one month passes...

Artemisia Gentileschi, Baroque painter:

I want to luhbahguh babum gum (Leee), Monday, 9 November 2020 19:00 (six months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Dear Santa, You better bring me what I want or when I see you I will take your head off. Hoping to get my stuff. Your loving kid, Hexie Bunsclos


— R.L. Ripples (@TweetsofOld) November 27, 2020

fleet doxes (map), Friday, 27 November 2020 02:31 (five months ago) link

Just made an appoinment with an orthopedic surgeon called Dr. Barry Jupiter, MD.

Deflatormouse, Tuesday, 1 December 2020 01:33 (five months ago) link

do u think when he pees on the toilet seat his wife derisively calls it Drops of Jupiter

Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 1 December 2020 02:28 (five months ago) link

one month passes...

AnnMarie Y0ung Papa

Warmed Regards, (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 7 January 2021 21:39 (four months ago) link

Mother Puttfarcken

the serious avant-garde universalist right now (forksclovetofu), Friday, 8 January 2021 06:15 (four months ago) link

Xerxes Mazda

Eggbreak Hotel (Tom D.), Tuesday, 12 January 2021 23:02 (four months ago) link

With pick #60, @ChicagoFire select midfielder Mitch Guitar from @BadgerMSoccer. #SuperDraft

— Major League Soccer (@MLS) January 21, 2021

superdeep borehole (harbl), Saturday, 23 January 2021 01:58 (three months ago) link

Parents shoulda named him Max.

nickn, Saturday, 23 January 2021 02:11 (three months ago) link

That photo adds a lot to the Mitch Guitar experience

tobo73, Saturday, 23 January 2021 03:10 (three months ago) link

Huge load of goals for FC Den Bosch today from… Jizz Hornkamp

🇳🇱 FOUR goals in a crazy game for Jizz Hornkamp.

— FotMob (@FotMob) January 30, 2021

underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Saturday, 30 January 2021 17:01 (three months ago) link

not a clean sheet in sight

nxd, Saturday, 30 January 2021 17:42 (three months ago) link

Actual LOL.

Vanishing Point (Chinaski), Saturday, 30 January 2021 17:53 (three months ago) link


And correct me if I'm wrong, but 'Jizz' doesn't appear to be a common name or diminutive in the Netherlands, so I can't even begin to imagine what his parents were thinking.

pomenitul, Saturday, 30 January 2021 18:10 (three months ago) link

I have never heard of it as a name before, but Mr Hornkamp appears not to be the only one. Meet Jizzy-Joy (who's not a witch):

Long Tall Arsetee & the Shaker Intros (breastcrawl), Saturday, 30 January 2021 18:53 (three months ago) link

oh, and here is Jizz H. himself, literally complaining about his "dry spell" less than three weeks ago:

Long Tall Arsetee & the Shaker Intros (breastcrawl), Saturday, 30 January 2021 18:57 (three months ago) link

(well, to be completely honest with you, it's the newspaper that's referring to that dry spell, but why ruin a good story. can't tell if they're using it in a wink-wink nudge-nudge kind of way, it's completely possible that they're playing it straight. think most of the readership wouldn't have picked up on it either way)

Long Tall Arsetee & the Shaker Intros (breastcrawl), Saturday, 30 January 2021 18:58 (three months ago) link

two weeks pass...

SCOOP: Biden has picked CHIQUITA BROOKS-LaSURE to run the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, the sweeping $1 trillion agency that also oversees the Affordable Care Act, say three people with knowledge of decision.

— Dan Diamond (@ddiamond) February 17, 2021

jaymc, Wednesday, 17 February 2021 20:39 (two months ago) link

Sorry if I missed it, but I did a ctrl+F to see if anyone mentioned this one:

Sean Biggerstaff, who played Oliver Wood. A two for one, if you will.

hourspass, Monday, 22 February 2021 23:16 (two months ago) link

Notker Balbulus, aka Notker the Stammerer

Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Tuesday, 23 February 2021 07:45 (two months ago) link

He was contemporary with the fellow monks Tuotilo and Ratpert.[3][4][5]

I'm Going to Bring a Watermelon to Mark Grout Tonight (Tom D.), Tuesday, 23 February 2021 09:13 (two months ago) link

loved the strip where Ratpert gave Dilbert murine typhus

if you meh them, shut up (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 23 February 2021 22:19 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

From a link in the lawyer cat thread:

The British geneticist Oliphant Jackson demonstrated this unequivocally in a most elegant series of classic genetic and radiological experiments in a hospital basement in the 1970s.

Duncan Disorderly (Tom D.), Monday, 29 March 2021 17:10 (one month ago) link

I learned about this guy while watching the Netflix documentary about the Challenger shuttle disaster:

Winthrop Cashdollar

In on the killfile (Boring, Maryland), Thursday, 8 April 2021 20:34 (one month ago) link

so, so close to the right syllables for a "Winchester Cathedral" riff

sgt. pepper's one-and-only bobo honkin' band (Doctor Casino), Friday, 9 April 2021 01:08 (one month ago) link

Velvet Beard

In on the killfile (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 12 April 2021 20:39 (one month ago) link

Fartato Olsen

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Friday, 23 April 2021 07:01 (three weeks ago) link

Fashion Sakala

Authoritarian Steaks (Tom D.), Tuesday, 4 May 2021 15:36 (one week ago) link

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