abysmal real names

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Beryl Sprinkel

A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 12 June 2013 22:48 (nine years ago) link

jonjo shelvey

:D

wince (imago), Wednesday, 12 June 2013 22:50 (nine years ago) link

Spanky deBrest

Tarfumes The Escape Goat, Wednesday, 12 June 2013 22:52 (nine years ago) link

Ed Balls

Le Bateau Ivre, Wednesday, 12 June 2013 22:54 (nine years ago) link

two weeks pass...

tin jedvaj

Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Thursday, 27 June 2013 01:27 (nine years ago) link

All of these are good names. Except maybe Ed Balls.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Thursday, 27 June 2013 14:03 (nine years ago) link

kirsten flipkens

Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, 2 July 2013 16:00 (nine years ago) link

every baby born with a name spelled "Aidyn"

frogbs, Tuesday, 2 July 2013 16:01 (nine years ago) link

Aidyn Jaden Brayden Kayden

Poliopolice, Tuesday, 2 July 2013 16:02 (nine years ago) link

just found out our house sitter's name is McKensie Phillips

Darin, Tuesday, 2 July 2013 17:58 (nine years ago) link

Acquaintance of a friend is naming her daughter Kynaidegh. Pronounced Kennedy apparently.

u r all xanax'd bonobos (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 3 July 2013 09:38 (nine years ago) link

oy

Jean-Bertrand Aristide (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Wednesday, 3 July 2013 14:58 (nine years ago) link

marcus mumford

Jean-Bertrand Aristide (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Wednesday, 3 July 2013 14:58 (nine years ago) link

a girl in one of my courses last semester was named "LoveRa", pronounced "luhv-RAH"

clouds, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 15:08 (nine years ago) link

used to work with someone that had the (Dutch) last name of Updegrave, her brother was named 'Doug', srsly

sleeve, Wednesday, 3 July 2013 15:10 (nine years ago) link

there's a poet named Allison Benis White

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Friday, 12 July 2013 15:48 (nine years ago) link

two months pass...

Marvin Ducksch

Lama Bloody SwagYurt (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Saturday, 21 September 2013 13:20 (nine years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Stephen Yaxley-Lennon

fake irish times letters mac d (nakhchivan), Saturday, 12 October 2013 13:44 (nine years ago) link

paul potts

idembanana (abanana), Saturday, 12 October 2013 14:01 (nine years ago) link

nick ferrari

many machines on ilx (MaresNest), Saturday, 12 October 2013 14:19 (nine years ago) link

yeah i hate him and his shit name (nico smith would be shit too)

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 00:48 (nine years ago) link

Vance Blanc

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 00:48 (nine years ago) link

Tony Discipline

Merdeyeux, Thursday, 17 October 2013 00:52 (nine years ago) link

Sab Deol said he was punched twice by Discipline inside the VIP area at the club, prompting his cousin to intervene.

Both men said they had done nothing to provoke the attack.

Discipline smiled and nodded at the jury as he was released from the dock to join his parents, who wept with joy.

He shouted “Yes” before hugging girlfriend Jacqueline Jossa, 19, who plays Lauren Branning in the BBC soap.

Had the case not been thrown out she had been due to give evidence in support of Discipline.

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 00:56 (nine years ago) link

http://www.192.com/atoz/people/surnames/discipline/50/

fuck, i love finding out about rare english surnames

the d1ciplines are mostly clustered around welling, rochester, thamesmead and other estuarial pleasure palaces

r1cky and c0nstance probably my favourites

tony d is just a vile name though

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:04 (nine years ago) link

sidcup's w4yne d1scipline is verging on something that glib little fuckboy martin amis might have contrived

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:11 (nine years ago) link

gav indiscipline is quite good

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:14 (nine years ago) link

you shd come and live in the SE outposts nakhers

HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Please don't hesitate (imago), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:15 (nine years ago) link

cultural bouillabaisse beyond compare

HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Please don't hesitate (imago), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:16 (nine years ago) link

Beryl Sprinkel

the objections to Drake from non-REAL HIPHOP people (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:16 (nine years ago) link

Beryl Sprinkel

― A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 12 June 2013 23:48 (4 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:17 (nine years ago) link

lj you could get an incisive and coruscating sunday broadsheet article by tracking the disciplines around their endz

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:20 (nine years ago) link

go to the post office and put up a sheet of tattered quarto with a single scrawled inscription IS THIS THE END FOR MR DISCIPLINE

HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Please don't hesitate (imago), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:21 (nine years ago) link

Beryl Wayne Sprinkel (November 20, 1923 – August 22, 2009)[1] was a member of the Executive Office of the US President and chairman of the Council of Economic Advisors (CEA) between April 4, 1985 and January 21, 1989,[2] during the Reagan administration.

the objections to Drake from non-REAL HIPHOP people (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:23 (nine years ago) link

haha you didn't tell us there was a WAYNE in the middle

HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Please don't hesitate (imago), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:24 (nine years ago) link

Discipline and Greenwich

Maggishos soyfriend. Wins. (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 17 October 2013 01:25 (nine years ago) link

Orly Taitz

clouds, Thursday, 17 October 2013 13:55 (nine years ago) link

one month passes...

Imogen Poots

Very Gelb; thanks for asking. (fake penthouse letters mcgee), Sunday, 17 November 2013 22:43 (nine years ago) link

Imogen Gay Poots

Tip from Tae Kwon Do: (crüt), Sunday, 17 November 2013 22:44 (nine years ago) link

Imogen Heap too

Mr. Wristington, you're trying to seduce me. (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, 18 November 2013 02:35 (nine years ago) link

Lol Creme

Homo schaduwkabinet (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 18 November 2013 02:39 (nine years ago) link

Joey Essex. I genuinely thought that was a nickname until today.

ailsa, Monday, 18 November 2013 02:50 (nine years ago) link

Justin Lookadoo

Very Gelb; thanks for asking. (fake penthouse letters mcgee), Tuesday, 19 November 2013 02:13 (nine years ago) link

Donny Dugdale
Mickeylee Macken

are two that just came up at work. Awful.

Windsor Davies, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 14:54 (nine years ago) link

one month passes...

rooney mara

A Skanger Barkley (nakhchivan), Thursday, 19 December 2013 04:33 (nine years ago) link

I've become accustomed to that one

mh, Thursday, 19 December 2013 05:03 (nine years ago) link

two months pass...

blake bortles

Joyeux animaux de la misère (nakhchivan), Saturday, 22 February 2014 04:52 (eight years ago) link

Donny Dugdale
Mickeylee Macken

are two that just came up at work. Awful.

― Windsor Davies, Tuesday, 19 November 2013 14:54 (3 months ago)

lol

Joyeux animaux de la misère (nakhchivan), Saturday, 22 February 2014 04:53 (eight years ago) link

More memorable. When you say Boris everybody knows who you're referring too. I'm not sure if it's true, but I've heard his family call him Alexander.

Eavis Has Left the Building (Tom D.), Saturday, 9 July 2022 20:20 (six months ago) link

I always think of "Boris the Spider."

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Saturday, 9 July 2022 20:22 (six months ago) link

Orson Ossman, son of Firesign Theatre member David Ossman. Named after Orson Welles.

Hideous Lump, Saturday, 9 July 2022 22:01 (six months ago) link

Petronella Wyatt came up yesterday

petronella? middle name Aspasia.

koogs, Sunday, 10 July 2022 07:56 (six months ago) link

Sebastian Bear-McClard

Sudden Birdnet Thus (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Tuesday, 19 July 2022 11:18 (six months ago) link

Izzy Posen

peace, man, Sunday, 24 July 2022 10:49 (six months ago) link

one month passes...

Amanda Rock

(grim) pump track (wales) (map), Wednesday, 7 September 2022 20:26 (four months ago) link

Hatchet M. Speed

sweating like Cathy *aaaack* (Boring, Maryland), Thursday, 8 September 2022 13:48 (four months ago) link

not so much abysmal but...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Bongo_Ondimba

koogs, Friday, 9 September 2022 07:43 (four months ago) link

mainly because of this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Bongo_(magician)

koogs, Friday, 9 September 2022 07:44 (four months ago) link

(drat, even {url} tags didn't fix the missing last ) problem)

koogs, Friday, 9 September 2022 07:45 (four months ago) link

Can it be fixed by putting it as text within URL quotes?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Bongo_(magician)

link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 9 September 2022 13:03 (four months ago) link

Nope!

link.exposing.politically (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 9 September 2022 13:04 (four months ago) link

i'm sure i have done it before maybe like this? - using the first example in the formatting

koogs, Friday, 9 September 2022 21:17 (four months ago) link

That worked on Zing

sweating like Cathy *aaaack* (Boring, Maryland), Friday, 9 September 2022 21:58 (four months ago) link

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Topham_Beauclerk

koogs, Monday, 12 September 2022 16:55 (four months ago) link

Simultaneously awesome and odd:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roar_Strand

I found that name after reading about another Roar Strand, a fighter pilot:
https://www.i-f-s.nl/accidents-incidents-1980/

"During a ground controlled approach to Bodø Airbase, this F-104G suffered a substantial loss of engine power. The pilot, Roar Strand, realised he would not reach the runway and decided to eject. He landed with minor injuries in Valnesfjorden."

So there are or were at least two people in the world called Roar Strand. In fact Roar is apparently not all that unusual - it's the Norwegian equivalent of "Roger" - and there are a tonne of footballers with that name:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roar_(given_name)

Including Roar Christensen, Roar Hagen, Roar Johansen, a different Roar Johansen, and Roar Stokke.

Is Norway one of those places where there's a limited number of names, as in e.g. Iceland? I don't know much about Norway.

Ashley Pomeroy, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 18:27 (four months ago) link

or e.g. Wales

Buckfast At Tiffany's (Tom D.), Tuesday, 13 September 2022 18:52 (four months ago) link

Not really limited as such, but heavily subject to trends (as I'm sure is the case elsewhere). To see the popularity of e.g. "Roar", visit the homepage of Statistics Norway, look for "Navnesøk", enter "Roar" and click the button, and you will find that out of Norway's 2,737,332 males, 6,581 have Roar as their first forename. Click the "Historisk utvikling" dropdown, and you'll see that it was particularly popular from about the end of WWII to the early 1970s – with a quite spectacular drop from 1973 to 1974. Intriguing.

anatol_merklich, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 20:54 (four months ago) link

(Btw, a less-used, Old Norse-inflected variant, is Hroar; 81 men as of now.)

anatol_merklich, Tuesday, 13 September 2022 20:55 (four months ago) link

two weeks pass...

d3m4rr g4rdn3r

ꙮ (map), Monday, 3 October 2022 22:30 (four months ago) link

one month passes...

bl4ne l0gan

ꙮ (map), Sunday, 6 November 2022 20:39 (two months ago) link

When they Indigo, I Rumblelow

nickn, Thursday, 10 November 2022 18:41 (two months ago) link

The name's more twee than abysmal but the association with the Just Stop Oil movement is unfortunate as it fits the media stereotype of a Just Stop Oil activist a bit too neatly.

Fronted by a bearded Phil Collins (Tom D.), Thursday, 10 November 2022 18:47 (two months ago) link

that's a great name imo

Piggy Lepton (La Lechera), Saturday, 12 November 2022 00:28 (two months ago) link

i agree honestly, except think the 'oh' sounds are awkwardly situated. abysmal names to me are like hard white consonants and vowels mashed up together. parents who should have known better, somehow they missed that the full name was objectively ugly. mr. and mrs. gardner thinking that 'demarr' is fab just because grandpa was named that or w/e. when you say demarr gardner you sound like a yorkie barking at a passing car imo. that is probably way too much thought about what an abysmal real name is that no one asked for.

ꙮ (map), Saturday, 12 November 2022 02:10 (two months ago) link

indigo is a lovely name but i'm a hippie so *shrugs*

ꙮ (map), Saturday, 12 November 2022 02:12 (two months ago) link

It does sound like a refrain from an English folk song/ sea shanty

Fronted by a bearded Phil Collins (Tom D.), Saturday, 12 November 2022 11:06 (two months ago) link

legit thought that was a rapper

Is the Onion's head writer *really* called 'Chad Nackers'... Because, that.

Bellend Sebastian (S-), Wednesday, 23 November 2022 10:40 (two months ago) link

one of my mom's friends just had a grandson whose middle name is "Hercules". his first name? Milton!!!!!

frogbs, Wednesday, 23 November 2022 21:39 (two months ago) link

xp featuring a starkly serious CBC interview of Lewis Lapham! Canadians are funny.

xp so sad just name your kid hercules, you can call him herc, great name imo

ꙮ (map), Wednesday, 23 November 2022 22:52 (two months ago) link

Two from the realms of football coaches:
Jeff Saturday
Hugh Freeze

Judi Dench's Human Hand (methanietanner), Tuesday, 29 November 2022 23:53 (two months ago) link

speaking of I saw an NFL coach (iirc?) named D3an Pees

I would change my last name if I were named Pees

Piggy Lepton (La Lechera), Wednesday, 30 November 2022 00:01 (two months ago) link

Ppl with last name 'F4rt1ngt0n'

Bellend Sebastian (S-), Wednesday, 30 November 2022 03:12 (two months ago) link

in the first place i worked we had someone called Txxxx Far who wasn't best pleased with the company's SurnameInitial email addresses

koogs, Wednesday, 30 November 2022 15:58 (two months ago) link

LL - there's also an Isaiah Peed, putting things in the past tense

Fash Gordon (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 30 November 2022 16:15 (two months ago) link

I was playing an American Football GM simulator game and decided to play with fake players and two of the names it came up with were:

Pooh Brown
Oliver Schmuck

Fash Gordon (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 30 November 2022 16:16 (two months ago) link

LL - there's also an Isaiah Peed, putting things in the past tense

― Fash Gordon (Neanderthal)

I say, I peed. Cruel parents.

nickn, Wednesday, 30 November 2022 16:57 (two months ago) link

One of the Jan 6 rioters is named Albuquerque Head.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/27/politics/capitol-attack-january-6-fanone-albuquerque-head-sentenced/index.html

nickn, Wednesday, 30 November 2022 16:59 (two months ago) link

one month passes...

https://www.espncricinfo.com/player/liberty-heap-1184036

one of those 50/50 decisions that could have gone into 'great' but honestly i can't cope with this one

imago, Tuesday, 17 January 2023 12:23 (two weeks ago) link

That cricket website is a goldmine for anybody writing a novel set in the late 1800s where the villain is a British imperialist. It's almost like a random name generator but with actual names. All you have to do is smush together a forename and some surnames. Obviously you can't use real names otherwise the people who owned those names would take legal action. As per e.g. Ernő Goldfinger, who tried to sue Ian Fleming for using his surname but decided against it, perhaps foreseeing what would come to be called the Streisand Effect.

William Conrad Francis Smeed is an evil-sounding name, and yet instead of dedicating his entire life to evil he decided to occupy some of his time with cricket, so he can't be entirely evil. He might not be evil at all! NB I'm writing this in case he googles his own name and finds this thread. He's a trained cricketer with access to body armour and a cricket bat. It's sad clicking on some of those names and seeing that they last played in 2020. Sometimes I forget that COVID ever happened, and then something comes along and reminds me.

Do you know how see the cuckoo cloths. Cookit cloths.

Ashley Pomeroy, Wednesday, 18 January 2023 19:28 (two weeks ago) link

Guy just joined my company called hunt3r f1t3

ionjusit (P. Flick), Wednesday, 18 January 2023 22:37 (two weeks ago) link

m4lissa l4ws

GREAT spelling of melissa and such a melodious combination with 'laws'

ꙮ (map), Tuesday, 24 January 2023 17:49 (one week ago) link


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