Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2023

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Poll Results

OptionVotes
Untitled Ghostbusters Afterlife sequel 6
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 3
Wonka 3
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny 2
Dune: Part Two 2
PAW Patrol: The Mighty Movie 2
Shazam! Fury of the Gods 2
Fast X 1
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts 1
Detective Knight: Independence 1
Kraven the Hunter 1
Untitled The Exorcist film 1
Teen Wolf: The Movie 1
Saw X 1
Untitled Trolls sequel 1
Magic Mike's Last Dance 1
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom 1
The Son 1
Gran Turismo 0
Haunted Mansion 0
Blue Beetle 0
The Equalizer 3 0
The Nun 2 0
A Haunting in Venice 0
The Expendables 4 0
House Party 0
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes 0
Meg 2: The Trench 0
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem 0
Creed III 0
Scream VI 0
John Wick: Chapter 4 0
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves 0
The Super Mario Bros. Movie 0
Renfield 0
Evil Dead Rise 0
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 0
Book Club 2 – The Next Chapter 0
The Little Mermaid 0
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse 0
The Flash 0
Insidious: Fear the Dark 0
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One 0
Barbie 0
The Marvels 0
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania 0


Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:42 (three weeks ago) link

I often default to voting for Disney live-action remakes, but The Little Mermaid appears to be pissing off the right people, so I'll leave it alone (still won't see it, though).

I guess I'll vote for Indiana Jones because a) I can't imagine it being good, and b) there's a decent chance I'll get suckered into watching it anyway.

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:44 (three weeks ago) link

scream 6, 5 was so depressing that rushing out a sequel makes me think it could be even worse

flamenco drop (BradNelson), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:46 (three weeks ago) link

Scream 6: Scrote

Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 January 2023 17:46 (three weeks ago) link

poster for 6cream is great

more crankable (sic), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:48 (three weeks ago) link

lol there's a Gran Turismo movie but i'm sure it can't be as bad as some of the routine emanations from stuff i'd already forgotten is a franchise

Wyverns and gulls rule my world (Noodle Vague), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:49 (three weeks ago) link

untitled ghostbusters afterlife sequel may get my vote tho

flamenco drop (BradNelson), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:50 (three weeks ago) link

Saw X

wtf, how are there so many of these?

jmm, Friday, 13 January 2023 17:50 (three weeks ago) link

This is my favourite annual thread. :)

jmm, Friday, 13 January 2023 17:51 (three weeks ago) link

Renfield actually makes me lose the will to live before i finish saying the title in my head

Wyverns and gulls rule my world (Noodle Vague), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:52 (three weeks ago) link

House Party loved the first two, this looks like it could actually be stupid fun
Teen Wolf: The Movie - why
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey - really over this 'edgy' trend of lazily turning innocent children's characters into horror antagonists
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - I'm a bit Marveled out but I'll see it
Creed III - I'm amped for this, can't lie
Scream VI - will probably suck balls
Shazam! Fury of the Gods - didn't like the first one, won't see this one
John Wick: Chapter 4 - hellz yes
The Super Mario Bros. Movie - looking forward to being told that I, an Italian-American, am problematic for seeing Chris Pratt in this
Renfield - really excited for this one
Evil Dead Rise - moderately looking forward to this one
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - see note on Antman
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - who fucking cares
The Flash - meh
The Equalizer 3 - first two were terrible, fuck this
The Nun 2 - lol why
Untitled The Exorcist film - i would be ok with exorcism films being banned forever, Blatty-universe or otherwise
Saw X - this is my vote
Dune: Part Two - soooooo excited for this
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - wait, was there another book, or is this just a bonus movie
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom - fuck Aquaman

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:52 (three weeks ago) link

Saw X. I hate this franchise. the torture porn era was a dire period of mainstream horror, and the filmmakers seemed to be thinking they were asking complex questions each time they added a layer to Kramer's character, but his ethos didn't make any sense, he seemed more like a bitter man dying of cancer who found an excuse to kill people.

first two were decent, Saw 3 was hilarious.

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:54 (three weeks ago) link

if Wonka is an origin story, I may regret my hasty vote

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:55 (three weeks ago) link

I am most puzzled by the existence of Book Club 2 – The Next Chapter.

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:55 (three weeks ago) link

Saw X

wtf, how are there so many of these?

I can only imagine it's because a lot of people...... saw them

Guayaquil (eephus!), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:56 (three weeks ago) link

see i googled Wonka and altho i'm against the concept if anybody can make it worthwhile it will be that crew

tbf I googled Renfield after i posted about it and it doesn't look like it'll be the worst even tho i have no fucks to give

Wyverns and gulls rule my world (Noodle Vague), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:56 (three weeks ago) link

The Nun 2

Huge missed opportunity not calling this "Nun 2 Good"

Guayaquil (eephus!), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:57 (three weeks ago) link

Bad news, Neanderthal: Wonka is an upcoming musical fantasy film directed by Paul King from a screenplay written by Simon Farnaby and King. The film serves as a prequel to the 1964 novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl and stars Timothée Chalamet as the titular character, following his early days as an eccentric chocolatier.

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:58 (three weeks ago) link

Something about Wonka origin story seems like a variety of bad movie which is a few years out of date.

otoh, it's the Paddington director

jmm, Friday, 13 January 2023 17:58 (three weeks ago) link

Shart of the Furious will probably be entertaining as usual

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 17:59 (three weeks ago) link

I mean, there's actually plenty of Wonka origin story in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, at least insofar as his early years as a candymaker and subsequent betrayal. so it's not like they're drawing from an empty well here.

guess we'll see.

"Gimme Back My Gobstopper" might be the musical hit of the century

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 18:00 (three weeks ago) link

Paddington crew gives me hope. I don't want another "daddy issue" Wonka

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 18:00 (three weeks ago) link

Renfield - really excited for this one

― fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, January 13, 2023 12:52 PM (eleven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

For any reason other than the prospect of Nick Cage as Dracula chewing wholesale on the scenery in the background?

Infanta Terrible (j.lu), Friday, 13 January 2023 18:08 (three weeks ago) link

shazam and wonka are the most troubling of this batch on first glance

ciderpress, Friday, 13 January 2023 18:15 (three weeks ago) link

The sheer cheek of calling it "Teen Wolf: The Movie"

Camaraderie at Arms Length, Friday, 13 January 2023 18:16 (three weeks ago) link

the former because i wasnt even aware there was a first movie

ciderpress, Friday, 13 January 2023 18:17 (three weeks ago) link

is Shazam an adaptation of the music identification app?

Camaraderie at Arms Length, Friday, 13 January 2023 18:18 (three weeks ago) link

Shazam! was released in the United States in RealD 3D, Dolby Cinema, IMAX, 4DX, and ScreenX on April 5, 2019. The film was a box office success, grossing $366.1 million worldwide, and received positive reviews from critics,

this sounds fake i simply don't believe it existed. the poster looks fake too

ciderpress, Friday, 13 January 2023 18:22 (three weeks ago) link

I voted Shazam! without hesitation.

more difficult than I look (Aimless), Friday, 13 January 2023 18:24 (three weeks ago) link

oh it's a remake of the 90s film with Sinbad

Camaraderie at Arms Length, Friday, 13 January 2023 18:26 (three weeks ago) link

First Shazam was a pretty decent (and fun) family friendly superhero movie.

Second one seems to have become part of the mostly terrible DC Universe and looks pretty bad from the trailers.

groovypanda, Friday, 13 January 2023 18:27 (three weeks ago) link

Shazaam with Sinbad is way more memorable than this

jmm, Friday, 13 January 2023 18:28 (three weeks ago) link

For any reason other than the prospect of Nick Cage as Dracula chewing wholesale on the scenery in the background?

― Infanta Terrible (j.lu), Friday, January 13, 2023 1:08 PM bookmarkflaglink

Nope that's about it.

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 18:33 (three weeks ago) link

oh it's a remake of the 90s film with Sinbad

― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Friday, January 13, 2023 1:26 PM bookmarkflaglink

Irl lols

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 18:34 (three weeks ago) link

The sheer cheek of calling it "Teen Wolf: The Movie"

― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Friday, January 13, 2023 1:16 PM bookmarkflaglink

Lol I had that thought too.

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 18:34 (three weeks ago) link

Okay, The Son looks like probably the last movie I'd watch on this list.

jmm, Friday, 13 January 2023 19:33 (three weeks ago) link

is the next prequel going to be The Embryo?

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 19:33 (three weeks ago) link

This list looks like the Hollywood equivalent of the cutout bin.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 13 January 2023 19:47 (three weeks ago) link

yeah I usually get a sick thrill out of this thread, but this year's is a mostly flat plateau of yawn

rob, Friday, 13 January 2023 20:05 (three weeks ago) link

John Wick 4 is the only one I'm unambiguously going to watch the fuck out of (at Xmas ofc). Is this new Spider-Verse animated the same way as the first one? If so I'd be tempted there too despite being a confirmed Marvel hater (in all cases except where comic-book rotoscoping is involved)

imago, Friday, 13 January 2023 20:17 (three weeks ago) link

untitled ghostbusters afterlife sequel may get my vote tho

― flamenco drop (BradNelson)

I voted for this, Ghostbusters is pointless

G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:36 (three weeks ago) link

Very stoked for Barbie and for Mario tbh

G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:37 (three weeks ago) link

ghostbusters and ghostbusters fandom/nostalgia are cultural poison

flamenco drop (BradNelson), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:40 (three weeks ago) link

Ghostbusters movie about an infestation of ghosts of ghostbusters movies past

Wyverns and gulls rule my world (Noodle Vague), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:40 (three weeks ago) link

Dune Part Two will almost surely be worth seeing. Not sure it belongs on this list.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:42 (three weeks ago) link

movie is just one person saying "who ya gonna call?" and two people trying to remember the name of the service that used to exterminate ghosts for the remainder of the movie.

very waiting for G(h)o(st)dot

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:42 (three weeks ago) link

xpost i think crypto was just listing every movie they could think of that fit this description as opposed to curating.

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:43 (three weeks ago) link

I mean, Dune is technically part of a franchise, though in general I try to stay away from adaptations of novels: I did not include, for example, the upcoming musical version of The Color Purple on the basis that it, like Dune had been filmed before. So that one was a bit of a snap judgement call.

Film on this list most likely to top ILXs Top Movies of 2023 list: Barbie.

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:45 (three weeks ago) link

voted Dune 2

rob, Friday, 13 January 2023 20:46 (three weeks ago) link

With Dune, unlike The Color Purple, I think of it as akin to something like the Lord of the Rings films, which I think at this point we would definitely consider a franchise (I think I said something about whether or not to include "potential franchises" in an earlier year's poll). At the very least, I think it's safe to say that Dune is something of a brand name at this point.

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:49 (three weeks ago) link

I get that; on the other hand, it's just the continuation of the first film.

At any rate, it will almost surely be substantially better than anything else on this list.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:51 (three weeks ago) link

lol no it won’t

G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:56 (three weeks ago) link

otoh, it's the Paddington director

And the Paddington 2 writer. Really bummed that they’re going off for something as spiritually moribund as this instead of getting to make something new (or The Bear Movi3).

Would be fascinated to see all the live-action footage that was rotoscoped for Spidey-Verse 1.

more crankable (sic), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:58 (three weeks ago) link

What were the good parts of Dune I, the bagpipes and the ornithopters?

G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:58 (three weeks ago) link

Room-temperature-ass movie

G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Friday, 13 January 2023 20:59 (three weeks ago) link

I guess, apart from the cast, the script, the direction and the visuals. And the soundtrack.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:03 (three weeks ago) link

I assume no-one's mentioned Detective Knight because they're never heard of it, but having googled, fuck me, it's that.

groovypanda, Friday, 13 January 2023 21:04 (three weeks ago) link

I saw the Magic Mike trailer before The Menu and it looked very bad.

change display name (Jordan), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:05 (three weeks ago) link

The Son

eagerly anticipating the third film in the trilogy, the holy ghost

sault bae (voodoo chili), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:07 (three weeks ago) link

That’s literally an on cinema Oscar special joke, Tim does a satirical takedown of the nominees (without having seen any of them) & it’s this note perfect parody of conservative comedy + like daily show type garbage where you read a thing and pull a face and go ”really?!”

& he’s like “the father - oh yeah, what’s next, the son? The Holy Ghost?”

pilk/pall revolting odors (wins), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:19 (three weeks ago) link

Anyway turns out that is what’s next

pilk/pall revolting odors (wins), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:19 (three weeks ago) link

saw the trailer for Quantumania in front of Glass Onion in November and that was dire as hell, this Marvel shit is all two (2) jokes and then some greenscreen weird object ballet that has deadly serious implications for the next movie

G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:24 (three weeks ago) link

Nothing properly hackle-raising here, just mostly meh-sville. Blood and Honey might be my vote, if only because, as Neando notes, this edgelord-y 'ooh, what if this children's character was a murderer?!?!' bullshit is so junior high.

Beautiful Bean Footage Fetishist (Old Lunch), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:28 (three weeks ago) link

never discount soderbergh

flamenco drop (BradNelson), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:34 (three weeks ago) link

re: magic mike 3

flamenco drop (BradNelson), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:34 (three weeks ago) link

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

rob, Friday, 13 January 2023 21:38 (three weeks ago) link

quantumania seems so drab and dour for a film with theoretically limitless visual possibility

sault bae (voodoo chili), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:40 (three weeks ago) link

xxpost lol, I was legit about to check to see if Soderbergh was directing the dark Pooh flick.

Beautiful Bean Footage Fetishist (Old Lunch), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:40 (three weeks ago) link

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

― rob, Friday, January 13, 2023 3:38 PM (two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

First one that comes to mind:
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BYWVjMGI4ZTAtOTJjYS00NjZkLWEzZGUtNDMxZTEyMjE5ODdjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMTczNjQwOTY@._V1_.jpg

Beautiful Bean Footage Fetishist (Old Lunch), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:42 (three weeks ago) link

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

― rob, Friday, January 13, 2023 4:38 PM bookmarkflaglink

"You're a Mean One" from last December.

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:43 (three weeks ago) link

oh yeah, ugh

rob, Friday, 13 January 2023 21:46 (three weeks ago) link

I like killer Santa movies only because dude has the worst job on the planet

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:47 (three weeks ago) link

YOU GUYS SUCK

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:50 (three weeks ago) link

Eat bullets fuckers!

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 21:50 (three weeks ago) link

I asked my sister if her kids still believe in Santa, and she said it's sort of yes-and-no. But she also said that thanks to movies like Arthur Christmas (which presents Xmas as a logistical problem solved through technology and an exploited and cult-like labor force) combined with the banal existence of Amazon Prime, believing in Santa is easier/more persistent than when we were kids, when logical consideration of the task could destroy the illusion faster

rob, Friday, 13 January 2023 21:53 (three weeks ago) link

This was a tough decision until I saw Aquaman hiding at the bottom

Vinnie, Friday, 13 January 2023 23:26 (three weeks ago) link

I hope the Exorcist film stays untitled

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, 13 January 2023 23:42 (three weeks ago) link

hope it's Exorcist vs Ghostbusters

Wyverns and gulls rule my world (Noodle Vague), Friday, 13 January 2023 23:56 (three weeks ago) link

Hugh Jackman and Laura Dern devastated the Venice Film Festival with the world premiere of Florian Zeller’s “The Son,” which earned a 10-minute standing ovation.

Honestly, watch the trailer for this and tell me you wouldn't rather watch a murderous Pooh bear

jmm, Saturday, 14 January 2023 00:14 (three weeks ago) link

i don't get ten minute standing ovations, I've seen movies and/or theatre and/or musical performances that I've found incredible, but there is no way in hell you're going to convince me to spend ten minutes clapping

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Saturday, 14 January 2023 00:16 (three weeks ago) link

Do they electrify the seats at Venice and Cannes to make them stand for so long? Or is it just to drunk film journalists on a paid junket to regurgitate press releases that the standing only seems like 10 minutes?

Lord Pickles (Boring, Maryland), Saturday, 14 January 2023 01:00 (three weeks ago) link

idk probably coke + vibes

saw the trailer for Quantumania in front of Glass Onion in November and that was dire as hell, this Marvel shit is all two (2) jokes and then some greenscreen weird object ballet that has deadly serious implications for the next movie

Don’t watch trailers but the other Ant-Mens at least genuinely feel like Peyton Reed made them, and have at least five jokes each plus both good + funny action scenes. And the first one only has one 3-minute scene with another MCU character in, that could be satisfyingly excised in whole*

* prob bcz the previous Wright + Cornballs script hadn’t allowed for scheduling any other MCU actors with their own careers

otherwise otm ofc

more crankable (sic), Saturday, 14 January 2023 02:07 (three weeks ago) link

Peer pressure - everyone not wanting to be the first person to stop applauding. When enough people start collapsing from exhaustion, the ovation loses critical mass and ends

Vinnie, Saturday, 14 January 2023 02:49 (three weeks ago) link

seems fair enough to clap if people who made the movie are in the auditorium

standing up and cheering US colonialism in yr local multiplex not so much

Wyverns and gulls rule my world (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 14 January 2023 03:35 (three weeks ago) link

‘Untitled Ghostbusters Afterlife sequel’ = a phrase absolutely dripping with inertia, so I choose that.

I actually watched Afterlife on a plane a few weeks ago, I didn’t hate it but nor did I experience any other recognisably human emotion while watching.

meat and two vdgg (emsworth), Saturday, 14 January 2023 04:47 (three weeks ago) link

bringing back Gozer/Shandor and the original cast ruined what was going to be a feelgood story about the young, shy girl who finds something she excels at.

Finn Wolfhard completely wasted. I still had a good time, but why couldn't they have invented a new ghost rather than saying "we didn't defeat Gozer enough last time"

fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Saturday, 14 January 2023 05:35 (three weeks ago) link

Bc of the creative bankruptcy of everyone involved presumably

G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Saturday, 14 January 2023 06:40 (three weeks ago) link

genuinely feel like Peyton Reed made them

and are both legit episodes of the On Cinema universe

more crankable (sic), Saturday, 14 January 2023 08:36 (three weeks ago) link

"we didn't defeat Gozer enough last time"

more like Ghosthalfbusters

sloop johnnin' skater (geoffreyess), Saturday, 14 January 2023 12:26 (three weeks ago) link

by Fairport Convention

sloop johnnin' skater (geoffreyess), Saturday, 14 January 2023 12:28 (three weeks ago) link

Whatever the results are, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny will garner too many votes, and Dune: Part Two not enough.

عباس کیارستمی (Eric H.), Tuesday, 24 January 2023 15:33 (one week ago) link

sure they will... on backwards day! [now imagine that i'm hi-fiving myself]

Cat? Cat??! CAT!! (cat), Wednesday, 25 January 2023 04:27 (one week ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Thursday, 26 January 2023 00:01 (one week ago) link

The book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had an actual, real sequel by Dahl: The Great Glass Elevator

Never knew why no one has ever attempted this

Andy the Grasshopper, Thursday, 26 January 2023 00:09 (one week ago) link

Bc it’s weird as fuck

G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Thursday, 26 January 2023 00:12 (one week ago) link

hah yeah I read that. the President of the US is named something like President Gilligrass or something and he appears in the book

def jeftones (Neanderthal), Thursday, 26 January 2023 00:54 (one week ago) link

it'd be a good cronenberg movie to get high to

def jeftones (Neanderthal), Thursday, 26 January 2023 00:54 (one week ago) link

Yeah, iirc there's some bullshit with a space station or something? I sometimes get the feeling with Roald Dahl that after he pitched a good premise his editor asked "and then what happens!?!" and then he just improvised some stuff. "um, and then they talk about witches for 100 pages, and then they turn into mice," or "they talk about the life of giants and then ... they visit the Queen?"

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 26 January 2023 00:58 (one week ago) link

Vermicious Knids that shape their bodies into letters!

the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Thursday, 26 January 2023 06:54 (one week ago) link

Vermicious Knids that shape their bodies into letters!

the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Thursday, 26 January 2023 06:54 (one week ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Friday, 27 January 2023 00:01 (one week ago) link


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