Canceling Ellen and the NFL: QUEER FALL of 2019

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you asked for it

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 17:56 (two months ago) link

What'd the NFL do now?

Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 17:57 (two months ago) link

(my newsfeed currently clogged up by Canadian election stuff. I did see the Ellen thing, though.)

Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 17:59 (two months ago) link

well they're all scum, including Jerry Jones who invited Ellen and Dubya to sit in his box (ewwww)

xp

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 17:59 (two months ago) link

Ah! Didn't know the setting of the Ellen/Dubya summit. Just heard that she was palling around with homophobes again.

Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:01 (two months ago) link

they're just people with different views! who take rights away

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:03 (two months ago) link

I have no issue with them being friends at all, don't see what's wrong with it. She should be visiting him in jail

anvil, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:14 (two months ago) link

I'm more offended by her milquetoast idea of humor.

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:20 (two months ago) link

I had something to say but I said it elsewhere, I'm just having a really fucking lousy week

i could chug a keg of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:38 (two months ago) link

Being friends with GWB seems consistent with just about everything else she's rumored to be like behind-the-scenes.

Pauline Male (Eric H.), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:41 (two months ago) link

a dry drunk?

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:43 (two months ago) link

a day drunk

Pauline Male (Eric H.), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:51 (two months ago) link

a gay drunk

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:54 (two months ago) link

a goy drunk

Pauline Male (Eric H.), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:57 (two months ago) link

hasenpfeffer incorporated we're gonna do it

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 18:58 (two months ago) link

i for one am starting to grow concerned that ellen isn't a communist

cheese canopy (map), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 19:13 (two months ago) link

certainly no daylight btwn Friend of Bush and commie

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 19:22 (two months ago) link

it's dwindling

cheese canopy (map), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 19:26 (two months ago) link

i have to tell you guys that i've been "entertaining" a lot lately
really taking advantage of this having the apartment to myself thing

surm, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 20:41 (two months ago) link

Yesterday I was like “I’m really looking forward to being single so I can focus on the things that really matter to me”

Today I am vacuuming up Tinder likes and securing a schedule of fuckboys for the rest of the week

i could chug a keg of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 21:17 (two months ago) link

omg did i miss something? did something just happen? sorry i haven't read thru all the messages.

surm, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 21:43 (two months ago) link

Ellen went to a football game and palled around with George W. Bush, notorious homophobe and war criminal. When people got upset at her, she said, "I am friends with all kinds of people, we need to be kinder to each other and respect each other's opinions" as if he was just some dude on the street and not a man with hundreds of thousands of corpses on his hands.

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 21:50 (two months ago) link

like i understand why people are upset at her response, weirdly, but not at her for palling around with him....

all politicians and all celebrities are sociopathic narcissists. ALL of them. they exist in a different world than we do, and are friends with each other because they're rich and well-connected. morals don't matter in their world.

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 21:52 (two months ago) link

giving the fall thread a political title was a bad idea but i guess we should just make the most of it.

cheese canopy (map), Wednesday, 9 October 2019 22:32 (two months ago) link

lol @ cancelling Ellen over this

DT, Wednesday, 9 October 2019 23:17 (two months ago) link

I love the title but I don’t get the NFL ref

i could chug a keg of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 10 October 2019 01:13 (two months ago) link

well it happened in an NFL stadium and I was desperate (and hate football)

I agree w/ Sotosyn that I cancelled Ellen for her "comedy"

faggotry is political, map

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 October 2019 01:21 (two months ago) link

… or it will be again once we shoot fucking Buttigieg into space

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 October 2019 01:28 (two months ago) link

Ooh yes. Let’s please go down that badger hole now!

Pauline Male (Eric H.), Thursday, 10 October 2019 01:49 (two months ago) link

Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' rotten badgers.

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 October 2019 01:49 (two months ago) link

a boy drunk

Pauline Male (Eric H.), Thursday, 10 October 2019 01:52 (two months ago) link

Pete Badgergieg

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 10 October 2019 02:16 (two months ago) link

tbh you should all cancel yourselves permanently for mentioning a lesbian for the first time about 8 years into this thread cycle. I include myself.

What a ridiculous clusterfuck of totally uncool jokers (jed_), Thursday, 10 October 2019 02:32 (two months ago) link

p sure I mentioned Lily Tomlin in the last thread

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 October 2019 02:35 (two months ago) link

all W apologists report directly to guillotine

fgti: did something happen with yr relationship? (sorry if you wrote about this elsewhere)

donna rouge, Thursday, 10 October 2019 03:23 (two months ago) link

as if he was just some dude on the street and not a man with hundreds of thousands of corpses on his hands.

celebrities live in a different world, in which celebrity itself is a potent equalizer, so that Ellen may well see GWB as just another member of the celebrity club, one who slightly outranks her, but not enough to matter.

A is for (Aimless), Thursday, 10 October 2019 03:29 (two months ago) link

"all politicians and all celebrities are sociopathic narcissists"

- the table is the table

Dan S, Thursday, 10 October 2019 03:33 (two months ago) link

I should also add: "ALL of them"

Dan S, Thursday, 10 October 2019 03:37 (two months ago) link

"all politicians and all celebrities are sociopathic narcissists"

- the table is the table

― Dan S, Wednesday, October 9, 2019 10:33 PM (twenty-nine minutes ago)

Pauline Male (Eric H.), Thursday, 10 October 2019 04:02 (two months ago) link

I should know, I'm dating someone who is skirting the line.

Pauline Male (Eric H.), Thursday, 10 October 2019 04:03 (two months ago) link

is he on the Vikings?

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 October 2019 04:47 (two months ago) link

VIkings characters are mostly very hot

Dan S, Thursday, 10 October 2019 05:01 (two months ago) link

@ donna, ya we broke up. I’m sad about it! He is and was wonderful! But we weren’t seeing eye to eye about certain things. We’re getting along and pursuing other people and still living together and taking care of our dog and it’s very sad but also a relief, to an extent.

I asked my uni crush out on a date today and he said yes and we’re gonna do that next weekend. I literally was lining over him every day when I was 20. Now we’re going on a date (I have told him about my childhood crush on him and he’s flattered by it)

i could chug a keg of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 10 October 2019 05:24 (two months ago) link

Pining, not lining. I don’t know how a person lines over someone

i could chug a keg of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 10 October 2019 05:25 (two months ago) link

I know Ellen's strap game is trash

— Fiona Applebum Says Don't Give Shaun King Money!🍎 (@WrittenByHanna) October 10, 2019

Wow

i could chug a keg of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Thursday, 10 October 2019 21:59 (two months ago) link

Warren's "Then just marry one woman" joke
vs.
Biden waxing nostalgic about the era of "gay bathhouses and round-the-clock sex"?

Pauline Male (Eric H.), Friday, 11 October 2019 12:50 (two months ago) link

🚨 bruce labruce sassed me back on twitter 🚨

cheese canopy (map), Saturday, 12 October 2019 17:14 (one month ago) link

i mean, everyone knows i'm an opinionated asshole, but that opinion is correct. it takes sociopathic and narcissistic tendencies to think that you deserve that amount of adulation and power over others. don't really understand why that's controversial.

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Monday, 14 October 2019 20:49 (one month ago) link

i was just in NYC for a wedding (queer) and got cruised a bunch and then re-installed Grindr, scrolled around for 15 minutes, then uninstalled it again lol.

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Monday, 14 October 2019 20:50 (one month ago) link

well i'd go with *most* celebrities... % of pols likely close to 100

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Monday, 14 October 2019 21:04 (one month ago) link

for sure, i love temperature therapy

surm, Friday, 22 November 2019 20:27 (two weeks ago) link

I get hot reading this thread

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 November 2019 20:29 (two weeks ago) link

tbh i get hot typing in it

surm, Friday, 22 November 2019 20:31 (two weeks ago) link

so i've gotten into this new thing, and bear with me bc it's kind of embarrassing. i've become one of those people who gets into like a jo buddy situation. you know like i don't even need to do anything else. is that so stupid?

surm, Friday, 22 November 2019 21:08 (two weeks ago) link

sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Friday, 22 November 2019 21:23 (two weeks ago) link

i think jacking off with someone is surprisingly intimate because you get to see someone do this thing that they spend so much time doing alone. so not stupid.

cheese canopy (map), Friday, 22 November 2019 21:24 (two weeks ago) link

also: handjobs. they can be really good.

cheese canopy (map), Friday, 22 November 2019 21:53 (two weeks ago) link

i love doing the cold plunge/sauna right after the really hot sauna, followed by just lying/sitting for a few minutes. feels so nice.

one of the k-town spas in LA is notoriously cruisy. the last time i went there the staff had to ask some of the guys to leave the steam room because it was too crowded lol

donna rouge, Friday, 22 November 2019 22:31 (two weeks ago) link

Well, the thing I said would happen did exactly happen. How often is this too much? It’s like three times a day and a part of me (the end part) is curious if there is a limit to my love

that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Saturday, 23 November 2019 01:12 (two weeks ago) link

It certainly hasn’t stopped being fantastiche every time
Just trying to also stay healthy as well as happy

that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Saturday, 23 November 2019 01:13 (two weeks ago) link

“Well fgti you can take it up the ass up to 17 times within a 24 hour stretch *cough* without any long-term concerns” thanks Coach

that said, I’d prefer a single serving of you (flamboyant goon tie included), Saturday, 23 November 2019 01:14 (two weeks ago) link

ive never been big on penetration

(go ahead, I can take your punchlines)

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 23 November 2019 01:21 (two weeks ago) link

i think jacking off with someone is surprisingly intimate because you get to see someone do this thing that they spend so much time doing alone. so not stupid.

― cheese canopy (map), Friday, November 22, 2019

I like this post a lot

Dan S, Sunday, 24 November 2019 02:54 (two weeks ago) link

so i've gotten into this new thing, and bear with me bc it's kind of embarrassing. i've become one of those people who gets into like a jo buddy situation. you know like i don't even need to do anything else. is that so stupid?

― surm, Friday, November 22, 2019 1:08 PM

also like this post

Dan S, Sunday, 24 November 2019 03:04 (two weeks ago) link

hafta say my technique changes substantially when there's someone there

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 24 November 2019 05:35 (two weeks ago) link

Few things are more enervating than a gay bar at which the patrons linger in the hopes of not having to hit on anyone as terrible music blasts

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 24 November 2019 13:28 (two weeks ago) link

as they stare into their phones

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 24 November 2019 13:41 (two weeks ago) link

hi y'all

clouds, Sunday, 24 November 2019 16:01 (two weeks ago) link

YO

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 24 November 2019 16:23 (two weeks ago) link

hi alfred :D

clouds, Sunday, 24 November 2019 16:41 (two weeks ago) link

cloudzy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

surm, Monday, 25 November 2019 18:43 (two weeks ago) link

i'm in that awkward phase where i've changed my grindr picture and i'm wondering how ppl will react
i gotta show a little leg in it though, i find those are more successful than pure face

surm, Tuesday, 26 November 2019 17:14 (two weeks ago) link

I've become one of those people whose Grindr photo is now something like 3 years old.

temporarily embarrassed thousandaire (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 November 2019 18:37 (two weeks ago) link

omg so was mine!

surm, Tuesday, 26 November 2019 18:39 (two weeks ago) link

i kind of look like Jesus in the new one but i think i'm ok with it

surm, Tuesday, 26 November 2019 18:44 (two weeks ago) link

My Grindr photo is me staring at the camera with concern and my finger is in my nose. Very popular choice, I think it makes it clear that I'm "into nasal"

LOL

surm, Tuesday, 26 November 2019 19:51 (two weeks ago) link

I was very high last night and said “I’m a bank teller and every day your dick comes into my branch and deposits $2k”

Lol
One time when i was younger and I dressed in my aunt's clothes
I creeped AOL and pretended I was a bank teller named Veronica
And entered a relationship with a 32-year old man who lived in Arizona
It was a formative time

surm, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 20:21 (one week ago) link

That scans like a David Berman lyric

Arizona left me for a man who came from Tampa
He left behind his rescue and a box of cherry soda
The puppy was three-legged and he pissed all on the sofa
The soda cleaned the urine and left a sickly aroma
It was a formative time

Veronica retired and I became a girl named Betty
Betty was a brunette and she hooked out on the jetty
The sailors laid good pipe but they'd only tip a twenty
I saved up, bought a Dell and I started boarding heavy
It was a formative time

those are rly good

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 4 December 2019 04:43 (one week ago) link

Ah this isn't gay or anything, maybe it is? It isn't. Last week I was in my group chat and the dude who writes the lyrics for the band Fucked Up said he was sitting at Whole Foods feeling uninspired in his writing and I offered the following.

People think they're getting their foods... WHOLE
Organic produce won't give you a... SOUL
Quit your job, tell your boss to eat your... POLE
This is a tasty cinnamon... ROLL

When I'm shopping at Whole... FOODS
This yuppie scum can get awful... RUDE
They try to X me out with their atti... TUDE
The muffins, gotta say, they are pretty... GOOD

The salad buffet is the fuckin'... JAM
But I'm not gonna give my money to the... MAN
Dinosaur kale and purple... YAMS
I hide 'em in my pants, my crucial... SCAM

Uh oh, here come the organic... PIGS
They saw me lifting cheese and imported... FIGS
I hit the ground running, when they zag, I... ZIG
Scored a fancy rider, on to the... GIG

Now I'm chowing down at the hardcore... SHOW
Fancy fucking lettuce and peas of... SNOW
Dip 'em in the hummus, that's how I... GO
Ben n Jerry's in the pit, flavour: cookie... DOUGH

Now Fucked Up dude and I have decided to write a kid's album called "Scams From The Grocery Store", like a beginner's guide to petty theft. Song titles include: "Free Food", "Every Day's Your Birthday", and "Toys R Yrs"

What If... Young Money invented rap?

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 16:35 (one week ago) link

Dinosaur kale and purple... YAMS
I hide 'em in my pants, my crucial... SCAM

This is my favorite part.

temporarily embarrassed thousandaire (Eric H.), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 16:48 (one week ago) link

Lol I wondered where that format subliminally came from

i just watched Bodied and the raps were better there

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 18:59 (one week ago) link

so like, i had a threesome with this guy the other week and he was gorgeous
and then i had another threesome with him but like, i definitely couldn't perform bc i had the drogas in my system and i had already hooked up with someone else that night
and it was ... SO EMBARRASSING
and now i think HE BLOCKED ME ON GRINDR
i'm mortified. MORTIFIED. anything you can say to help me feel better would be great.
i mean... this was a level of depression so bad that i literally missed my flight back home for Thanksgiving and instead slept in my bed for two days. and now i haven't had sex in a week and i'm going to pull my hair out.

surm, Wednesday, 4 December 2019 22:11 (one week ago) link

Oh surm
Being blocked on Grindr is NO THING, happens to everybody. When I was in my post-breakup sex spiral, I had this totally hot couple hitting me up for a third, and they were abt to give me their address, and I was stepping into the shower, and then they asked me for a body pic and I sent them one, got out of the shower and... BLOCKED.

It’s not a judgement on your sexiness it’s just an effective way of expressing no-interest. Just think of all the people you see on the app where it’s a “no” and feel the same camaraderie and respect for those people— just no desire.

Right, right. Ugh. The first time we threed he asked me to hold him after. Whatevs. I'm not going to let it break me. Ffs.

surm, Wednesday, 4 December 2019 23:50 (one week ago) link

Just remember the good one! That sounds really nice!

love your posts surm and fgti

Dan S, Thursday, 5 December 2019 02:39 (six days ago) link

I read about grindr like I do about new Tarantino films

things I will never experience

a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 5 December 2019 03:14 (six days ago) link

How do you pull, Morbs?

Oh by the way, noted homosexual documentarian Matt Wolf has just announced his forthcoming masterpiece today, which I proudly did the score for, I'm so fucking excited this movie is amazing

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5qjTJTljSk/

i saw recorder! amazing and profound film

J0rdan S., Thursday, 5 December 2019 05:04 (six days ago) link

Right? he's the best

<3 Dan

i saw 4 boys this weekend i feel like i accomplished something

surm, Monday, 9 December 2019 22:38 (two days ago) link

I have to tell u that I just got irrationally angry with a bad kisser
Like he kept pointing his little tongue in my mouth. I wanted to slap him silly
And his breath was not good
I had to pretend I couldn't keep it up just to get him out of my apartment.

surm, Wednesday, 11 December 2019 04:22 (three hours ago) link


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