I'm an alcoholic

what truly exists?

....

...

..
your mom

Bodies kick ass, fuiud

xpost

that was actually my default answer for years when ppl would ask me "where are you from?"

but now I know that it's wrong. where I am from is now. taken further, where ~I~ am from, nowhere. all of this is because of me.

however beautiful yr precious mind is, you can’t get a badass tattoo on it

the fourth great turning of the wheel xxxp

,/del/];

look into it. i gave up everything and have no interest in anything except as sandcastles that children play with. i wouldn't say it if i didn't live it.

Bodies are cool and poop is pretty cool too, don't get it on yourself or anything but it deserves respect

What the hell has happened to the boozer thread

it's a shambles

Should not have expected otherwise obv.

I'm just sobering up from a day of drinking--things have been very emotionally tough the past few months, and I started therapy for the first time about two weeks ago. I was open with my therapist about my binge drinking habits, but I sort of sidestepped the fact that while I just enjoy the feeling of being drunk, sometimes I get drunk when I don't want to be. She tried to ask a clarifying question a number of times, "but do you ABUSE alcohol?" And I kept saying that I don't know what she means by "abuse," but if it means what I think it means, then yes. I don't know why she had to ask more than twice, but she insisted on the question. I couldn't tell if she didn't believe me or if I wasn't clear.

I don't always know how to reconcile that I want to drink even when I don't want to drink.

Should be a full day of drinking tomorrow, an annual barbecue I attend is happening.

Love lawn games and beers.

As an aside

Jesus Christ boys, the fuckin acid reflux.

thats the fuckin truth but

sorry thread turned to shit

ianaa but im on passing filial terms or have been bytimes with a few doozies and sincere good luck to all dealing regardless of inclination to discuss bodies/poop itt

I am glad bodies shit out most of the mass they consume instead of growing and growing until they are stars. Stars for my mean dad, the king.

being sick is not a bad thing. it's ok to be diseased.

Other del, this seems like an irresponsible and insensitive thing to post on a thread that was only bumped because one of our own, some guy named sleeve, felt strongly enough about his sickness that he would go to this channel for some support in fighting it. It's sort of the whole point of this thread. No one using it for their intended purpose needs to know about gut flora research, read drunk peoples thought experiments, or hear excuses about how we can be one with everything, including sickness. Just, no. Knowing what I know about recovery-seeking among the powerless, they want literature pertinent to that mode of thought. Is it too much to ask that we resist the impulse to channel the shittiest imitation of kerouac we can muster, and instead simply support (or simply not not support) someone we may want to pretend is our friend?

Been having a rough go of it, and things are slated to get harder--hoping for recommendations on managing urges when in a minefield of triggers.

What are your triggers?

"Stars for my mean dad, the king" this is my favorite GYBE/Mogwai collaboration album!

Let’s stay focused ppl

I know this won’t seem like a big deal maybe but I am 48 hours smoke-free— down from 10-15 a day overnight

I know that at hour 73 it’s like angels singing and I feel like I can run 10 miles so I’m holding on through it

Weird how stress/anxiety alleviation brings back your capacity toward discipline

xps yo del griffith thanks for that supportive post, really appreciate it. sorry for late response.

9 days, things are good, 12-step is good and I'm lucky I clicked with the 1st group

I'm even more of a soda snob than I was before, was always a fan

had lime-coriander bitters in soda with simple while I DJd last night at the local bar, hell yeah.

Get it, dogg. I will never not like hearing success stories about people setting and respecting limits for themselves.

The butters and soda trick is revelatory it’s like “ok hanging out in bars while sober isn’t so bad”. A few places in LA used to assume I was DD and give them to me for free

what is the protocol re: n/a drinks at bars? on the rare occasion that I'm in one these days, and order a club soda, I expect not to be charged. Esp if I'm among a group of boozers. Am I out of line?

I always get charged for bitters and soda but it's $2, don't care.

plain water i would not pay for but anything else -- even water with lime -- i tip a dollar at least. someone has to wash that glass and it beats paying $8 for a beer.

otm

good luck / strength re smoking, flambo!

Thank you! I have a craving every minute or so, and then a “what could be wrong with just one” subroutine, followed by a “no, no, you are so happy right now without them”, and then a dopamine rush of self-righteousness

grab that rush, it’s how I quit smoking

sleeve, you may like this article. It's about a master somm who has been sober for 25 years. He does a lot of current work on the physiology and cultural differences of tasting.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/cathyhuyghe/2017/08/09/alcoholism-and-addiction-in-the-wine-industry-a-candid-perspective-from-a-master-of-wine/#3e8f46b76ce7

derp, he's a master of wine not master somm.

haha like I would know the difference

thanks :)

This is a thread for ILXors ON THE WAGON (and for the Wagon Curious)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibx8JpIIq28

this is gonna start with a bunch of whining but it gets positive by the end!

my sad little journey started two and a half years ago, with a bar calling an ambulance on me for my violently excessive drinking, which brought me to the hospital and helped me delude myself that quitting my then-quality job was somehow a good idea, i believe it is outlined above. ended up going through 30-day treatment which eventually made me pretty cynical about the recovery industry in the united states, it was basically a month of barely-facilitated AA meetings dominated by racist electricians from iowa (but with once a week access to hot tubs!). it also stuck me with a massive bill of $xx,xxx (won't say precise amount). after treatment i supported myself via multiple minimum-wage jobs with terrible hours which only increased my misery, was waffling between months of sobriety and weeks of benders. tried many AA meetings but they alternately depressed me or alienated me. but due to some perseverance, my previous work background, and some major luck i scored an extremely quality position a year or so ago which massively helped me, healthwise. it's almost as if your means and life situation are contributing factors to your mental health?

even with this new job i did need some 1:1 therapy and tried to do that as best i could (then got stuck with another multi-thousand bill under the tutelage of an ex drunk who would actually interrupt me while i was trying to share my thoughts! apparently to be a LADC in my state doesn't really require much, i think he was using his role to maintain his own sobriety).

anyway, even with severe debt and after trying a lot of the typically suggested conventional recovery things i started taking naltrexone via the sinclair method. naltrexone is an inhibitor which suppresses your brain's reward system towards booze and slowly deprograms your love for alcohol. it has done wonders for me, i still drink a little too much, but i wake up early every morning, and am doing quite well in most parts of my life even through COVID and quarantine which honestly would have killed me before. my drinking dropped by 50% almost instantly, and it continues to slowly drop. my life has never been better career, work, or relationship-wise. also you can fucking die from going cold turkey and from my on and off the wagon approach (look up kindling) and i am sure i was on that path... in fact at one point i did have auditory and visual hallucinations and was very close to a seizure. i don't want to evangelize but this has helped me so much and if anyone out there is looking for a different way to recover in your own way please DM me!

also, fuck the USA, our healthcare system, and our doctrinaire approach to 'recovery' and beyond. even bill w was okay with psychedelics

glad you’re alive and doing better!

six months without a drink felt hard towards the end so i gave myself two nice strong belgian beers but I didn’t enjoy the experience at all. I think i may have finally programmed myself off of alcohol for good. pot, luck, somewhat fanatical exercise, love were helpful in my case.

pot, luck

lol

any time i've quit for an extended period of time beer totally resumes its original vile profile for me. it's like "oh i taught myself this was good"

<3 to you global tetrahedon, glad you're doing better

The recovery industry in the US is so incredibly uneven, it makes me crazy. I had the kind of rehab experience that everyone should have--including people who don't have a substance use problem! Top-notch staff with actual graduate degrees, strong medical support, plenty of fresh air and opportunities for exercise (this is important), excellent and nourishing food (this is also important!), emphasis on getting good sleep and enough rest overall (very important!). No 12-stepping; lots of informed, evidence-based psychoeducation and individual/family counseling. Seriously, everyone should get to go do this. Oh and it was covered by my insurance (which I was lucky enough to have).

I have no idea what the ratio of high-quality rehabs to crap rehabs may be, but my guess is dismal.

Pro tip: avoid rehabs in Florida. That place seems to be a total recovery shitshow.

Good luck, global.

I've a buddy who's a therapist at a Palm Beach County rehab. He's said you wouldn't believe the four or five celebrities who've passed through (and returned).

I know someone who blabbed about the celebrities in his AA group. Seemed shitty.

My friend mentioned no names.

i agree that everyone (including non addicts!) should do some kind of (quality) rehab

the one i was at seemed to be fueled by union types. i guess they have the good insurance and the construction industry is rife with substance problems. but this often made sessions feel like one was out at the job site

naltrexone (and its injectable, vivitrol) is great, i recommend it (and the sinclair method) all the time