Without beauty parlors, hair would look to the sports section for highlights and faces would be forced to seek radiance by falling asleep in plates of glitter. Take advantage of professional beauty providers with today's Groupon to Elements Spa & Salon. Choose between the following options:
― ( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:15 (thirteen years ago) link
i think Groupon's days are numbered
― sarahel, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:16 (thirteen years ago) link
no this stuff seems like it's worth a trillion dollars
― iatee, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:17 (thirteen years ago) link
A bunch of theater/improv/music folks I know in Chicago have these writing jobs. The house style actually frustrates me, because if I'm going to get a deal in my in-box, I just want to get to the real details.
― saint dominic's p4k review (Eazy), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:18 (thirteen years ago) link
otm!!
that's what drives me nuts. you guys are selling me restaurant gift certificates not handmade mittens on Etsy
― ( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:21 (thirteen years ago) link
yeah i know a few ppl that write for groupon, incl an ex-roommate
it's interesting to me that they value writing, but i'm not exactly sure why they do
― J0rdan S., Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:22 (thirteen years ago) link
i would do this conceivably but i don't think could write this stuff w/o making pop culture references
― J0rdan S., Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:23 (thirteen years ago) link
You could make fake pop culture references.
― Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:25 (thirteen years ago) link
their target demographic is basically identical to their writers, only better employed? seems like a kind of signaling to me (if i'm using that term right)
― goole, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:25 (thirteen years ago) link
ha my girlfriend does these like mad for 'living social'. i did a few for her back around the holidays to pick up some extra cash. i can think of few instances in my life where i hated myself and humankind in general more than when i was slogging through these "silly, pithy" fuckers.
― je suis marxiste - tendence Groucho (will), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:26 (thirteen years ago) link
it's like other direct marketing, only with a bird on it
― goole, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:28 (thirteen years ago) link
i knew someone who would employ this cutesy-bonkers style on flyers/postcards for parties/concerts and every time it was just like bro i would lol at this if you sent me it as a pdf just as a joke but you went and printed 1000 copies? no ones going to read your jokes about Spanish cats and vegan ninjas and decide to come see prins thomas play records next month smdhx100000
― ( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:32 (thirteen years ago) link
I feel like I'm constitutionally incapable of even writing in that style. It would make me really self-conscious.
― jaymc, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:40 (thirteen years ago) link
When a herd of highland cattle with particularly harmonious horns congregated in a muddy field one June day in 1961 the first moosic festival was born. Seek pastures new with today’s Groupon at Truck Festival.
― the ascent of nyan (a passing spacecadet), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:40 (thirteen years ago) link
There are a select few instances where a deliberately "off-beat!!" writing style in the service of marketing works but they are incredibly rare.. the only one I can think of off the top of my head is the liner notes Areal Records used to write. One of them ended "Yes mom, I can butter-trance!" I loved that.
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:44 (thirteen years ago) link
feel like i could do this in my sleep tbh
― J0rdan S., Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:44 (thirteen years ago) link
Haha I found it.
Completley bereft of sense, Lansleg surrendered to the snorting and crunching of the mailcarriage that rumbled in an unpredictable monotony through a gloomy plain, pulled by a gigantic centipede. And even while the horn was announcing the speedy arrival in another place, he knew, that he wouldn’t want to stay there...
[ selvsyn]On Sundays, when grandma decorated small fatrolls on the edge of his plate in a loving way, Wolfram regularly vanished into an adventurous sweet world made of butter mountains and milklakes. And even now, almost 20 years later, in any club a melancolic thrill runs through him: Yes grandma, I can buttertrance
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:47 (thirteen years ago) link
"I feel like I'm constitutionally incapable of even writing in that style. It would make me really self-conscious."
yeah it's really tough for me. my gf said after doing a few it would just snap and they would start coming really easily. this was not my experience.
she still dreads them, but mostly because she's busy with other stuff at her real job.
― je suis marxiste - tendence Groucho (will), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:48 (thirteen years ago) link
Also see woot.
― ≝ (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:51 (thirteen years ago) link
That clear debris bin holds more than dust, dander, dirt, crumbs, and pet hair. It holds… secrets.
“Still not ready to talk, eh, Dyson? Well, I can do this all night. Mark my words: you will not leave these four walls until you tell us where you hid the stolen gold dust. Not alive, anyway.”
whvvv whvvvv vruuuum
“You’re damn right it’s a threat! You’re lucky that’s all it is right now! You say one more thing about your so-called right to a lawyer and they’ll have to wheel you out of here on a gurney instead of your easy, maneuverable yellow ball. Now, one more time: where’s the gold dust?”
― ≝ (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:52 (thirteen years ago) link
lol hey PP here's one i did for a Little Rock breakfast place called "B-Side"
Sometimes the 'B' side is better than the 'A' side. And when it comes to breakfast, B-Side is a stone cold classic. Today's deal gets you $20.00 worth of grub for $10.00, and (drumroll) ...this includes alcohol. So come give the frittata of the day a spin. Maybe you're feeling a sentimental favorite like buttermilk blueberry pancakes. Or perhaps a mountain of biscuits, sausage, Pommes Rӧsti, with house made sausage gravy and 2 pan-fried eggs (aka "Biscuit Mountain") fits the bill. Sad songs and waltzes might not be selling this year, but B-Side's brunch is blowing up.
^seriously, they were all like this or way worse. *vomit*
― je suis marxiste - tendence Groucho (will), Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:56 (thirteen years ago) link
When I was in a band, I was the guy who wrote the e-mail updates we sent to our fans, and I always had trouble striking the right hip-and-breezy "Hola, amigos"-ish tone that seemed to be required in order to prevent the e-mail from being just a boring info dump. But I'm someone who tends to deliberate over words a lot. (Like even just now, I wrote "hip, breezy," then changed it to "breezily hip," then realized that wasn't quite right, etc.)
― jaymc, Thursday, 4 August 2011 19:59 (thirteen years ago) link
http://o.onionstatic.com/images/personalities/personality/1020/character4_jpg_90x150_upscale_q85.jpg
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 4 August 2011 20:30 (thirteen years ago) link
Actually, I should have just written all the e-mails as Jim Anchower.
― jaymc, Thursday, 4 August 2011 20:42 (thirteen years ago) link
it's been a while since i last rapped at ya
― puerile fantasies (Matt P), Thursday, 4 August 2011 20:44 (thirteen years ago) link
Groupon's going for a kind of deadpan/absurd Colbert thing.
― saint dominic's p4k review (Eazy), Thursday, 4 August 2011 22:53 (thirteen years ago) link
is groupon for assholes?
― james blood ulver (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 4 August 2011 22:57 (thirteen years ago) link
like most people really who always talk about getting "A GOOD DEAL" on everything all the time are among the most tiresome imaginable, and then you add the internet.
― james blood ulver (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 4 August 2011 22:59 (thirteen years ago) link
apparently they're lousy tippers? or maybe that was people that use Open Table.
― sarahel, Friday, 5 August 2011 00:21 (thirteen years ago) link
Maybe Groupon should look into hiring proper copywriters to write these things... this stuff is worse than nothing.
― Spectrum, Friday, 5 August 2011 02:56 (thirteen years ago) link
Groupon and similar sites here (Scoopon/Living Social etc) just got an absolute panning in the Age yesterday - and the comments on the article were also pretty eye opening. Basically the only way this shit works is oversubscribing the offers, but its the coupon company that skims off all the profit: the stores end up swamped and cant/wont honor deals, and thus the customer gets ripped off too (deals expiring within weeks, but no bookings available, etc)
Put me off ever consideirng using such a system.http://www.theage.com.au/money/planning/catch-in-coupon-special-offers-20110802-1i8nz.html
― Rameses Street (Trayce), Friday, 5 August 2011 03:08 (thirteen years ago) link
surprised no-one has cross-ref'd this w/ the Innocent Smoothie thread seeing as this reads like it's totally a product of that whole mess
― 'what's puzzling you' is the name of my dog (DJ Mencap), Friday, 5 August 2011 09:07 (thirteen years ago) link
do i dare ask
― ( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 09:21 (thirteen years ago) link
Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?
― 'what's puzzling you' is the name of my dog (DJ Mencap), Friday, 5 August 2011 11:11 (thirteen years ago) link
wait there's a chain of smoothie shops on the island of brittain called innocent smoothies?
― ( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 11:55 (thirteen years ago) link
it's a brand, like fresh samantha or odwalla or whatever
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Friday, 5 August 2011 11:56 (thirteen years ago) link
I still maintain it sounds like a teenie porn site.
― jaymc, Friday, 5 August 2011 12:30 (thirteen years ago) link
again, like fresh samantha
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Friday, 5 August 2011 12:33 (thirteen years ago) link
Ha, I don't know what Fresh Samantha is, but OK.
― jaymc, Friday, 5 August 2011 12:37 (thirteen years ago) link
imagine anything with variations on 'fresh' or 'natural' in the name can prolly sound like teenie porn if you strain enough
― 'what's puzzling you' is the name of my dog (DJ Mencap), Friday, 5 August 2011 12:40 (thirteen years ago) link
Has anyone else started getting Groupon-like deals from Amazon in their inbox every day?
― jaymc, Friday, 5 August 2011 12:44 (thirteen years ago) link
no, because i immediately unsubscribe from any bullshit like that and so should you!
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Friday, 5 August 2011 12:51 (thirteen years ago) link
Beats me how companies come up with the "value" of these "deals." Like, "A $110 value can now be had for $70!" Well obviously it's really worth $70. It's like a department store sale where the "original retail price" is so high that no one would pay it, but the "sale" price is exactly what the going rate is, the sweet spot. To me Groupon is just advertising under a thin guise.
― calstars, Friday, 5 August 2011 13:00 (thirteen years ago) link
no no it's because they actually want to give you a really good deal! they are just being super-nice!
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Friday, 5 August 2011 13:03 (thirteen years ago) link
http://posiescafe.com/wp/?p=316
― nh (cozen), Friday, 5 August 2011 13:03 (thirteen years ago) link
^one cafe owner's groupon experience
― nh (cozen), Friday, 5 August 2011 13:04 (thirteen years ago) link
I think the only Groupons that I've bought are for restaurants, and I have been able to get some decent discounts.
The one time it sort of burned me is when I went to an Indian restaurant with Eazy, and we realized that we were just shy of the $40 minimum order that the Groupon required, so we ordered a couple of drinks, but then that put us far enough over $40 that the Groupon essentially just paid for our drinks but didn't save us any money on on our original intended order.
― jaymc, Friday, 5 August 2011 13:44 (thirteen years ago) link
I got a pretty awesome $25 groupon for a local bar that has a great scotch selection. It didn't exclude drinks, so we just sat around drinking $10 glasses of scotch
― mh, Friday, 5 August 2011 14:18 (thirteen years ago) link
Beats me how companies come up with the "value" of these "deals." Like, "A $110 value can now be had for $70!" Well obviously it's really worth $70. It's like a department store sale where the "original retail price" is so high that no one would pay it, but the "sale" price is exactly what the going rate is, the sweet spot. To me Groupon is just advertising under a thin guise.― calstars, Friday, August 5, 2011 3:00 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark
― calstars, Friday, August 5, 2011 3:00 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark
i havent read cozen's link yet but ive talked to a few (bar and restaurant) business owners who fucked with groupon and said they actually take an incredible loss but its worth it for the marketing
― ( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 19:06 (thirteen years ago) link
also calstars do you know how Groupon works? in most cases you get a gift certificate worth X amount of dollars for half the listed price.
i mean unless you're on some wake up sheeple ~what is value really~ shit
― ( •ิ.•ั) (gr8080), Friday, 5 August 2011 19:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Sure Drudge will connect it to other dubious Chicago finances soon enough.
― Corn Maze to the Dark Side (Eazy), Saturday, 24 September 2011 01:12 (twelve years ago) link
I still have my TWO amoeba groupons
― Takeshi Kitteno (admrl), Saturday, 24 September 2011 01:46 (twelve years ago) link
srsly, fuck these assholes who write copy for groupon
― rebels against newton (Z S), Saturday, 24 September 2011 01:48 (twelve years ago) link
lol @ theater nerds not getting basic math
― (gr8080), Thursday, 29 September 2011 16:07 (twelve years ago) link
Groupon Shares Spike 40% at Open 3 minutes ago
smh
― ice cr?m, Friday, 4 November 2011 15:02 (twelve years ago) link
tbf there was a groupon coupon for groupon shares
― iatee, Friday, 4 November 2011 15:06 (twelve years ago) link
The supply of dumb money and money that thinks it can find dumber money never abates.
― pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Friday, 4 November 2011 15:08 (twelve years ago) link
lol iatee
― pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Friday, 4 November 2011 15:09 (twelve years ago) link
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/11/fashion/many-consumers-find-it-hard-to-step-away-from-daily-deal-sites.html
has there ever been another billion dollar business that was 100% dependent on millions of people setting themselves up to be mad or disappointed?
― iatee, Saturday, 10 March 2012 21:13 (twelve years ago) link
facebook, zynga, (is fender a $1bn company?), sony lately.
― Philip Nunez, Saturday, 10 March 2012 21:19 (twelve years ago) link
― iatee, Saturday, March 10, 2012 3:13 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
how do you mean? i've used them before & been happy w/ it ...
― D-40, Sunday, 11 March 2012 00:03 (twelve years ago) link
or do you mean the restaurants?
― D-40, Sunday, 11 March 2012 00:04 (twelve years ago) link
both sides seem to get burned pretty regularly
― iatee, Sunday, 11 March 2012 00:11 (twelve years ago) link
most of the examples in that article are idiots buying shit they didn't actually want. like buying ... anything, its buyer beware.
― D-40, Sunday, 11 March 2012 00:22 (twelve years ago) link
I had an interview with groupon last week to write this sort of stuff. I would hate them too but need the work, which it looks like I haven't got. So, yeah, fuck them.
― Proger, Sunday, 11 March 2012 15:05 (twelve years ago) link
the companies often get fucked w/ Groupon.
― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, 11 March 2012 15:43 (twelve years ago) link
Groupon usually tries to keep 100% of the revenues from the groupon, but will occasionally be so kind as to split it 50/50. Their logic is "the customer almost always spends a larger amount than the value of the Groupon". which isn't always true.
― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, 11 March 2012 15:44 (twelve years ago) link
Groupon copywriter loathes his job:
"Features7"x11" softcover photobook20 pages hold up to 150 failed self-taken profile picturesPhotos uploaded directly from Facebook albumsArranged in a theme of your choosingCrop and move photos within online photobook template"
http://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-ca-rexall-custom-photobook
Also contains sentence "photos you upload directly from Facebook albums or surveillance drones."
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 16:39 (twelve years ago) link
hah, once you notice that stuff like "Each album boasts a customer-chosen theme and holds photos that can be cropped and moved around in the most eye-pleasing arrangement" really starts to sound just as harsh
― bosomy English rose (thomp), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 17:00 (twelve years ago) link
Celebrate the Man Who Gave Birth to YouHe felt you grow and kick inside of him for nine months—thank him with deals on Father's Day gifts.
He felt you grow and kick inside of him for nine months—thank him with deals on Father's Day gifts.
does Groupon know something about my father that I don't
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 17:29 (twelve years ago) link
Yes.
― carl agatha, Wednesday, 30 May 2012 17:33 (twelve years ago) link
h8 when Groupon writers try to be "funny"
― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 17:38 (twelve years ago) link
I always think of this guy when I read the "funny" groupon copy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0qLxIzEndA
― Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:26 (twelve years ago) link
hahahaha
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 18:27 (twelve years ago) link
https://livingsocial.com/events/cities/1171-georgetown-foggy-bottom/683996-djing-with-biz-markie-presented-by-stanton
― gr8080, Wednesday, 15 May 2013 14:56 (eleven years ago) link
I was waiting for it, and it delivered in the last sentence
― tweeship journey to 77 (mh), Wednesday, 15 May 2013 15:25 (eleven years ago) link
u_u
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 15 May 2013 15:26 (eleven years ago) link
umair haque@umairhHey, what is that "1,2,3,4" song that came out a few years back? Was that Ting Tings?
― ʎqןıs (gr8080), Friday, 24 May 2013 14:52 (eleven years ago) link
So dip your brush or tune your ear to what’s happening on F Street -- you won’t be disappointed.
amirite?
― ḉrut (crüt), Friday, 24 May 2013 14:55 (eleven years ago) link
haha oops wrong "assholes" thread
― ʎqןıs (gr8080), Friday, 24 May 2013 14:56 (eleven years ago) link
groupon is fucking crazy
http://i.imgur.com/5cYYGme.png
― gr8080, Sunday, 18 October 2015 23:28 (eight years ago) link
lol @ thread title too
really hope they're stroking the mouth BEFORE the anus
― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Sunday, 18 October 2015 23:29 (eight years ago) link
what's a skin vagina
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 19 October 2015 02:05 (eight years ago) link
Glad to know Groupon still has skin vagina in the game.
― I know some Civil War re-enactors you might want to talk to (Eazy), Monday, 19 October 2015 02:23 (eight years ago) link
if you include the sushi at the bottom that is a real solid date night
― erry red flag (f. hazel), Monday, 19 October 2015 02:47 (eight years ago) link
lol I almost made a very similar post
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 19 October 2015 02:48 (eight years ago) link
so what are you doing later?
getting kicked out of the sushi place when I ask if the vulcan love roll only has salmon skin
― erry red flag (f. hazel), Monday, 19 October 2015 02:52 (eight years ago) link
I think I've used this like twice in my life, but get so many emails. They seem to be really pushing these faintly scammy-looking lottery ticket broker websites recently
― kasybian (wins), Saturday, 30 July 2016 12:48 (eight years ago) link
I dodged the bullet of becoming one of these titular assholes thanks to my famed lack of follow-through in the face of opportunity. Whew!
― a charisma-free shitlord (Old Lunch), Saturday, 30 July 2016 13:19 (eight years ago) link