Depression and what it's really like

This book has helped me a lot.

**hug**

ILX thinks yr great, Abbs. Take that for whatever it's worth to you, you can totally pwn the next three hours.

I'd give him a call but like he needs to spend 15 minutes of work hearing me in choking sobs over the phone.

Why don't you give him a call and ask him to tell you a story, instead? That way you get to hear his voice and feel closer to him but won't feel like you're dumping on him...?

Also it will prob be a better story than the one about your dad and the birds. Because THAT'S not depressing or anything.

HAHAHAHA

I've been thinking about that one for the past few days. Why?

Hope the time passes quickly for you; depression is awful - I've so been there (not too badly lately, thankfully).

Hang in there. (And yeah, I'm sure that doesn't help much from a perfect stranger, but unless you're in southern Minnesota, it will be hard for me to invite you over for brownies or something!)

what kind of brownies

megabus is only a dollar and i'd pay a dollar for brownies.

http://forum.armedassault.info/style_emoticons/default/hug.gif

See? An hour has already passed! How you doin?

Damn this accursed MACHIIIIINE!

Just plain brownies! They are kind of fudgy - no nuts - very simple, with chocolate icing (really just chocolate chips melted with some butter). I made them because I was feeling low today.

Megabus sounds like something from My Neighbor Totoro. I must find out about it!

no weed, no visitation.

just kidding, id kill for any kind of homemade brownie right now.

and how is abbott doing now?? apparently no longer at her computer surfing ilx, which means: way better off than any of us.

I went and got a baked potato at Wendy's. Some good songs came on the radio that made me nostalgic. The nostalgia took me places I shouldn't have gone, but the potato was good. And, uh, pulling through, You guys 'r' swell.

megbus.

the bacon cheddar baked potato is the only baked potato worth having

you're crazy deeznuts. the bacon cheddar may be at the top of the baked potato hierarchy but by no means is it "the only baked potato worth having".

I am actually a fan of the potato skins with cheddar and bacon, with a side of sour cream and chives. Hit all the bases that way.

ok, fine. excuse me for being hyperbolic. the sour cream & chive is a delicious steal, & i would recommend it to anyone short of $2.49.

xp i didnt know this was possible?? i dont have a wendy's within 45 mins of me anymore tho

i know admitting it is like admitting that i enjoy the slaughter of kittens, but i have to say that i find baked potatos fairly nasty

Oh, not at Wendy's. They're awesome in diners or at home, though.

theyre mainly a starchy delivery device for cheese/sour cream/butter/etc

remy, do you eat them with like, stuff on them? cuz baked potatoes are disgusting, which is why you coat them w/ butter & sour cream & cheese & bacon, all of which are wonderful things that i fail to understand how anyone could not love.

xp tru!

fighting w/ my fiancee because i do what the psychiatrist + therapist tell me to do and she stubbornly fights them every inch of the way (we have different psychiatrists + therapists).

sucks.

Remy has v cultivated tastes, he probably likes more imaginative potato forms. I'm a simple person, though, and I like mine with lots and lots of salt and dairy product.

i havent had one of those in so long i should bake one up. sour cream is one of my favorite things.

actual potatoes made at my old apartment as part of an amorous evening. nothing hotter than cooking on a cold wet night.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2028/1582573169_debd965da4.jpg

rawr

Holy mother, give me those potatoes.

see, the ratio of baked potato:topping really has to be about 1:2 for me to eat without complaint, and by that point i could just as well be gnawing drywall. for what it's worth, i don't like french fries either, unless the fry:ketchup balance is tilted to a near-farcical point

Holy mother, give me those potatoes.

you can have the potatoes, give me that girl again...

Want a hug so bad and the man won't be home for three hours. Fucking THESE DAYS. These fucking days.

Trade 'man' for 'woman' and 'three hours' for '2 months'.

What's that sound effect in the Simpsons in the episode when Darlene from Roseanne tears out Bart's heart and throws it against the wall: "You won't be needing THIS anymore...ahahahahahaha"?

uuuuuuuuuunnnnngggggghhhhhhhh

gif or it didnt happen

I'm working on it. Softcore porn+Glowing Edges effect+Music

So when does one decide to call a therapist? I can't even begin to determine if I even have some form of depression (again). I... it seems easier just to shut up about it instead of talking about it.

Awww, Nathalie. I would say, if your depression starting to interfere with your ability to function, then that's time to step in and get the medical help.

Then again, I don't know. A lot of people manage to function on autopilot and go on autopilot and look after kids and go on, even though they're feeling totally dead inside.

Only you can make that call, but if it's affecting your ability to work, to sleep, eating, your interactions with the people that you love - your standard basics - then you need to call someone in to help you out.

Good luck with it. x

Thing is you can always see a therapist - see if it helps. I saw one for 2 years - found it very helpful.

Of course, they are therapists and there are therapists, one method might not work for you.

To be honest I think everyone should see one!

I... it seems easier just to shut up about it instead of talking about it.

For me this was crucial - I didn't want to talk about - it was too painful - to friends or family. Therapy "allows" you to do this without feeling "I'm just wasting everyone's time."

Does that make sense?

To be honest I think everyone should see one!

Yeah, woo. Also, everyone should spend a leisurely year in Paris, just drinking wine and eating cheese and malingering. So good for the soul.

To be honest I think you're being callous. Mental health care is really, really, really, REALLY expensive.

Er... at least around here. My medication alone costs $300 a month, not counting sessions with the doctor, and I am quickly entering a situation where I will be working to pay for my mental health so I can keep working so I can etc etc. It's like delivering pizza to pay for car repair.

Hi, welcome to The Sad Place, you must be This Depressed to enter.

I got mine on the NHS. Sorry, wasn't meaning to be callous.

Sorry, you touched a nerve. Nothing personal.

Natalie, have you been to see your doctor about it yet? I'd say definitely do that first if you're open to the idea (helped *a lot* when my wife had post-natal depression btw)

i think the nice thing about a therapist is that you're paying them to listen to you talk about what's wrong (& of course hopefully help you out). It's not like a friend, where you have to consider whether or not you're making them uncomfortable or expecting too much of them or you'd actually rather hear about what's going on in their life. Going to a therapist is useful even if you're just trying to work something very temporary out of your system: there is nothing to do there but talk. I know you're not supposed to think of it this way but sometimes i sort of see the ~therapeutic space~ as the place where you talk about it so you can stay shut up about it everywhere else.

xps, No I wasn't thinking. I have no idea what the situation is like in Belgium for instance. I'm just a bit...er...enthusiastic about it because it did me so much good. Continues to do so, too. I get a bit carried away.

If cost is an issue then look into CBT, it's remarkably quick - ten sessions max on the NHS - and has really done wonders for me, just in terms of getting out of the mental rut I was in, transforming my attitude, restoring confidence etc.

Cost is not that big of an issue but, well, finding a good therapist is. Belgium has good healthcare. I think I could check with my doctor first and then it would be even cheaper? I had one but he ignored my cries for help in regard to my panic attacks. Really strange. I wanted to ask: "Why don't you HEAR me when I talk about my panic attacks?" Instead I just gave up and stopped going. I'm not sure if I need to. I have the (wrong) idea that this is me, this is how I feel at times so why bother with addressing this "problem". I also feel I'm a bit silly for being this way because I simply don't have anything to complain about. Yes, I know, that's not really the issue. I also don't like talking about it cause I just start crying. IF I don't, then I can just pretend it's not here/there/anywhere.

I don't think it's postnatal depression unless hahaha it extends to 16 months after giving birth. haha

Thanks Andy, suzy and Raymond, appreciate the kind and helpful words. Feeling a little better after last night, not an easy answer but a good reminder to not let all or nothing thinking cloud things and to not really rely on others for fulfillment that they may or may not provide anyway.

Glad to help! I have had so much to unpick since my mom died but I’m glad she at least left me with the ability to take the time to sort my own head out. Haven’t spoken directly to my sister since May, mostly down to political arguments which then turn into arguments about Mom and about her feeling undervalued by me.

In other news, I was on the way home this morning and while I was waiting for a bus, a nearby woman in her 60s suddenly started choking and flailing, so since my superpower in these situations is yelling and not first aid, shouted for help. A tall barista ran over from the coffee cart and Heimliched the lady. A piece of chocolate flew out of her mouth - life definitely saved! She was badly shaken so I told her to go home and be gentle with herself, and that she’d probably feel weirdly ashamed for a few days. But alive!

Wow, glad you were able to be in the right place at the right time to save a life!

Happened to me a few years ago at a private view and I really felt mortification around the idea of death by canapé.

"Jon, I’ve been here a long time too and this still happens to me. It isn’t just you!"

my theory is this is because of phones! but i have no way to back that up because i have never seen ilx on a phone. i just figure people on a phone would look at the most current post and not scroll through old stuff because people are very very lazy. again, just a theory!

I can throw some otm’s your way if you want

jon as always, I consider you a friend and you are definitely not a non-entity to me <3

oh but i also wanted to say: i am sorry for anyone feeling sad! i was really in a bleak place and it took me sooooo long to ask for help and i am finally feeling better thanks to medicine and i just don't know what i would have done if this new stuff hadn't worked. probably started smoking and drinking again. that's just a guess. but it literally took me years to finally get up the nerve to make an appointment with my medical place and talk to a doctor-type (nurse practitioner) and then i had to wait SIX months for that appointment and then TWO months of the wrong medicine that just made me feel worse and FINALLY getting the right stuff and feeling a little better every week.
my point is: sometimes it can take a long friggin' time and i guess you have to just hang in there. and a lot of those crappy feelings - the all or nothing thing, the feeling of worthlessness, the feeling like you are all alone - CAN get better or even go away. it can really feel like that stuff will never end.

my little vacation to NOLA was really restorative in a way vacations usually aren't (usually, you know, you come back home to the same problems and your mood goes sour). had gotten to a good headspace, starting to dissociate less and allow myself to be more vulnerable again. then the election and the bullshit with my mother this morning happened.

I'm no longer in a place where bad shit is going to immobilize me altogether or create wild, emotional mood swings in me - I'm long past that now. but the dissociating is now right back to where it was before the vacation. and I really need to not be this way given what's coming (well, what's already HERE) in this country. going to keep fighting it by forcing myself to keep the connections I have alive and check on those who care about me - bonus points if I can do it without drinking

Thanks Neando, I was just catching up on your news for the day. I'm really sorry you are dealing with that, but it sounds like you handled the situation in a really good way - seemed very firm but loving and supportive.

i haven't watched the news or read a news story since the morning after election day. i scan the front page of newspapers online but i never click on anything. i totally recommend it!

i have allowed myself daily show and kimmel monologues. in general though a news blackout right now is exactly what the doctor ordered. and, yeah, focusing on my town/family/friends/business.

i'm already doing that cos I know what I'll be like come late Dec/January

Ditto on the news blackout--1 week down, 200-something to go.

No more waking up to NPR, now it's WFMU or podcasts while I get ready. No more checking news on my phone during lunch; I'm even avoiding my sarcastic liberal Wonkette for now. Instead I'm cracking a book for the first time in maybe 3 years.

Ignorance IS bliss!

yeah I just can’t with the news either, I already have enough stuff to brood and curl up into a ball about.

I also took a trip out of the last month and it was great. I loved it so much, I hadn’t had so much fun and felt so safe and unbothered in quite a while. Even though I had a cold much of the time. I guess that’s what vacations are for.

Yeah, I can't say I'm 100% news free, but I have significantly restricted it. CDs only in the car for work, D&D and music podcasts, no more Twitter (beyond bookmarking posts with BSky names for folks I'll want to follow when I set up show there), otherwise very limited. Problem is I work with a lot of people who are VERY politics engaged and I'm going to hear things from them, but fortunately that's not overwhelmingly frequent.

(and yes, I know there is some privilege involved in being able to just tune this out, but if I don't take care of my mental health now, I'm not going to be able to show up later when I need to help push back in what ways I can)

love to all who are struggling

so many of my posts on ILM just sink without engagement

fwiw jon I usually check out any music you recommend on ILM because I've enjoyed a lot of your suggestions in the past

i haven't watched the news or read a news story since the morning after election day.

Me too! Nada. Not even the front pages! Fuck the news.

If it's any consolation to any ILXors, I've had my ups and downs like everyone else, and that's the thing: every single feeling I've experienced, every single bad thought or moment of panic or nihilism or anything, I've encountered literally the exact same sentiments from people I know and love and respect, almost identical to my own thoughts. Which is to say, we are not alone, there are millions of us, and so on. Especially here, in Chicago!

Still, I did tell my family that as far as I'm concerned, it's all books, movies, TV shows, video games, all sorts of positive distractions for the foreseeable future. Should the moment come when I'm asked to participate politically I'll probably happily clock back in and do whatever more than usual it is that I can, but until then, fuck all this shit that is out of my control. Pass me a beer and let me enjoy enjoy the temperate fall, go for walks, pick up a a new hobby or two. Volunteer at a food pantry. Learn to play guitar. Play music loud. Bake some bread. Grant me the etc. My shuffle just sent me "Son of a Gun" by the Vaselines, and for those four minutes all was good. Repeat.

Jon, I don’t post much and I’ve never gotten too close with anyone here so I tend to not comment on personal things; often I don’t feel that I have anything of interest to add. But you’re good people and I enjoy having you here, for what it’s worth.

I finally emotionally collapsed from the horribleness of today.

No alcohol involved. I just feel like a charging port that 500 people are trying to use.

Going dark for the weekend

Thanks Brad and Cow_Art, appreciate!

Neando - sounds like you might not see this until next week, but take care of yourself and recharge this weekend. Sending good thoughts your way.

Take care, N

Looks like this book is a few months old... but a cookbook for people who are too depressed/anxious to make food for themselves
(maybe should be under the U.S. dystopia thread?)

https://assets.vogue.com/photos/67479d7b6ba45e55ae8645db/master/w_1920,c_limit/81OSSKp5nYL._SL1500_.jpg

dr. strongo's neuvo cuisine

there's definitely something dystopian about the expectation that we are all individually expected to prepare or pay for our own meals 3x a day 7 days/week. no wonder it stressed people out

Soup kitchens for the cooking averse

They really like eggs … very few of these images contain things I feel like eating when depressed that are actually healthy. The bread is depressing looking tbh, and I like good bread, especially when depressed .

that food looks horrifying like and too much work tbh