I Lost A Coughdrop in His Asshole: The ILX Gays TMI Thread

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To make the ILE thread 'safe' for our friends :)

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 00:49 (ten years ago) link

\o/

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 00:50 (ten years ago) link

ahaha.

so, in some TMI news, my bestie and housemate Jaime (a girl) slept with a mechanic last night. and took a picture of his erect penis. and...my word. i'm experienced, and i was like 'holy mother of god that is some schlongggggg'

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 00:53 (ten years ago) link

we're talking a ten-incher. if he was three inches taller, he'd be a shoo-in for porn.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 00:54 (ten years ago) link

whoa. those guys are the reason I grew up thinking I had an "average" dick.

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 00:58 (ten years ago) link

(not that I care that much or that there's anything wrong with that)

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 00:59 (ten years ago) link

Hi gays, I am so bookmarking this thread.

unintentional boob pic (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 01:04 (ten years ago) link

Can ladies play too? I have a good one which is sorta gross but pretty lol at the same time.

ENBB, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 01:05 (ten years ago) link

Oh fuck it. Years ago I hooked up with a girl I knew and spent the night at her place. When I woke up my hands were covered in dried reddish brown stuff so naturally I was like oh shit, she had her period. I was pretty grossed out for a couple mins while I sat there trying to figure out how to make an exit until I remembered that we'd drunkenly eaten chicken nuggets the night before and the stuff all over my hands (and hers as it turned out) was barbecue sauce.

ENBB, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 01:11 (ten years ago) link

aaaagh

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 01:23 (ten years ago) link

ok never mind i totally clicked on this thread

ENBB i am irl loling tremendously at that story

chris and cosey and ted and alice (donna rouge), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 01:26 (ten years ago) link

we're talking a ten-incher. if he was three inches taller, he'd be a shoo-in for porn.

I was under the impression that male porn actors tended to be a little shorter than average.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 01:50 (ten years ago) link

and is three inches (in height, not length) really noticeable on screen?

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 01:58 (ten years ago) link

yeah I think most ppl in porn are smaller than average overall but with larger than average genitalia, so everything looks big

steendriver DUMB BIG, his HOOS got HOOS (dayo), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:25 (ten years ago) link

like, that cock looks huge because she's only 4'11!

steendriver DUMB BIG, his HOOS got HOOS (dayo), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:25 (ten years ago) link

So is this the thread where I talk abt fucking 4 guys in 24 hours last week?

tuesday (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:31 (ten years ago) link

:D

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:32 (ten years ago) link

most I've done was two, and that was tiring

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:32 (ten years ago) link

Oh I am totally kidding.

tuesday (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:32 (ten years ago) link

I mean, it happened and everything but I am so not discussing it.

tuesday (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:33 (ten years ago) link

I didn't think so!

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:43 (ten years ago) link

T3ddy, you can't bring up that you took a picture and expect me not to ask to see it. So I just did.

i need to organize my zines (Jesse), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:53 (ten years ago) link

And ENBB, I read your tale in the back of a cab and surprised the driver with my snortols.

i need to organize my zines (Jesse), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 02:56 (ten years ago) link

ENBB, that is like die-worthy funny. i am still giggling.

i didn't take the pic. my friend did.

also, from my experience, porn is full of all types. like i know this kid who can't get into kink because of his looks (twink central) but has been in other porn because he's 6'1" and has a massive dick. he's all right, but awfully...full of himself in this certain way, which is off-putting to say the least.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 03:00 (ten years ago) link

:D

˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 03:01 (ten years ago) link

omg bbq

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 04:02 (ten years ago) link

I know.

˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 04:11 (ten years ago) link

at least it wasn't buffalo sauce

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 04:20 (ten years ago) link

we're all stumped 'bout the buffalo sauce
we eat the wings and we start to toss

tuesday (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 05:39 (ten years ago) link

ILT isn't like 77, is it? i.e. it's Googlable and all?

The SBurbs (Alex in Montreal), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 05:54 (ten years ago) link

But srsly, when y'all get the chance, ask tabes about the title story. it is A++ good. also, the poem is better, tho.

The SBurbs (Alex in Montreal), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 05:54 (ten years ago) link

alex, your forget that my naked body is on the internet and my latest pub is pornography, who gives a fuck.

here's the poem about the boy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/metamafka/5211244690/

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 06:29 (ten years ago) link

the story:

i was with this boy. things weren't going all that well, but on the night before valentine's day, he came over and we had some fun. i was kind of sick with one of those terrible winter colds that isn't the flu.

in the morning, on valentine's day, we started some frottage, then uh... i was rimming him, and i had a ricola in my mouth, and i lost it in his asshole. i had to search for it.

i found it after some effort. it felt like a miracle.

then we continued while it snowed.

the end.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 06:34 (ten years ago) link

http://i44.tinypic.com/24o34oo.jpg

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 06:38 (ten years ago) link

i had to search for it.

Why?

unintentional boob pic (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 06:41 (ten years ago) link

More sapphic nuggets.

would like a calmer set (Eazy), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 06:41 (ten years ago) link

I mean being an arsehole the Ricola's going to find its way out pretty smartly.

unintentional boob pic (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 06:42 (ten years ago) link

my advice is to rip out your heart.

everyone.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 06:49 (ten years ago) link

Love this thread already.

Tim F, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 08:37 (ten years ago) link

at least you didn't fall asleep on a piece of partially melted candy bar.

sarahel, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 08:38 (ten years ago) link

My sexcapades have never involved anything so exciting as a lost coughdrop. The unfortunate stumbling blocks are sadly more prosaic, like, you know, selfish dudes who orgasm without warning you and then act like helping you finish off is a distasteful chore, and such.

Tim F, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 09:14 (ten years ago) link

^^ worst part of sex imo

o0o00h really? (boxedjoy), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 09:37 (ten years ago) link

There have been times when I've felt it necessary to establish a vocal contract, like, "No, I really want to focus on you and get you off and basically shock you with how good this is gonna be for you, but the proviso is you have to not go all weird for at least ten min afterwards."

Tim F, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 09:39 (ten years ago) link

it's stupid too because, like, that feeling happens to all of us, and we all (should) realize that, so just suck it up (no pun) & finish your end of the deal

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 09:43 (ten years ago) link

ILT isn't like 77, is it? i.e. it's Googlable and all?

I deindexed this thread just in case someone doesn't want it showing up on Google. But anyone who visits ilxor.com can still read ILTMI, it's not a secret board like 77.

Tuomas, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 14:25 (ten years ago) link

okay here goes: anybody else been puked on during oral sex?

years ago in college an old flame of mine got into gagging on purpose during oral sex

like the power trip part of it, being bossed around and such

he told me to just keep shoving regardless of what gagging noises he was making

so we are going at it hot and heavy and I'm about to erupt

when I hear these really weird sounds from down there and then

wham

his barf is all over my cock and coming out his nose

I can't be the only person this has ever happened to, surely?

the tune is space, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 15:59 (ten years ago) link

you aren't but that's never happened to me

selfish dudes who orgasm without warning you

i seriously wanted to smack the guy who did this when i was going down on him

a rozay is a rozay is a rozay (donna rouge), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 16:04 (ten years ago) link

On one hand, I think it's preposterous that we 'need' a separate TMI thread. On the other, it's fascinating to see who's come out for the party.

If anyone's into the scene that the tune is space describes above, then just click right here, baby! (extremely NSFW [does that need to be said on this board?])

Kevin John Bozelka, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 16:16 (ten years ago) link

Yeah, thats happened to me

:( x FOREVER just for remembering it

o0o00h really? (boxedjoy), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 16:41 (ten years ago) link

i have never barfed on cock, or had my cock barfed on. but i have a THROAT, so i dunno.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 16:59 (ten years ago) link

The day after I shot Johny Boy's audition, he emailed me to say that he was no longer interested in being a "porn star". He said he was getting married to a woman next month, and that he just wanted to satisfy his curiosity about sucking a dick before he settled down with a woman. Sorry, Johny Boy, but you signed a model release, dude! Hope your wife doesn't mind that her husband has been captured on video for eternity with a fat dick in his mouth! lol...

Princess TamTam, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 17:04 (ten years ago) link

ahahahaha. what's funny is that i KNOW this guy who does work as Johnny, and he's 'straight,' but does tons of gay porn. has a girlfriend and everything. tbh, his Tranny Seduction video is one of the hottest, cuz he clearly is a straight dude who likes things up his butt but also enjoys breasts.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 17:21 (ten years ago) link

has anyone ever gotten cum in their eye? damn that hurts.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 17:22 (ten years ago) link

I have to say I really like the thread title. The capital H in His makes it seems like the coughdrop is in Jesus's asshole.

Anyway, thread bookmarked, <3 you guys even if I have no reason to join in.

irish xmas caek, get that marzipan inta ya (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 17:26 (ten years ago) link

has anyone ever gotten cum in their eye? damn that hurts.

― hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, December 8, 2010 11:22 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

no, but my 5 year HS reunion was epically memorable when one of my old friends who was pretty reserved in high school got like 10+ beers deep (no joke) and told a story about getting with a dude who had had spicy food for dinner and then came directly into her eye. i thought the story was hilarious and A++ anecdote but, for obv reasons, a lot of other people listening were O_O

kanellos (gbx), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 17:39 (ten years ago) link

...which, apparently, is not the expression you want on yr face when a dude is about to come

kanellos (gbx), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 17:39 (ten years ago) link

O_x

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 17:41 (ten years ago) link

I have gotten cum in my eye. It feels terrible, but worse, it stays red and swollen for a couple days.

i need to organize my zines (Jesse), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 17:54 (ten years ago) link

mine didn't— lasted like two hours at most. i went to a bonfire right after. (this was the first time i had sex with m4tt, btw)

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 20:33 (ten years ago) link

removing my bookmark from this thread and putting it in there

dr. harbl's zing-along blog (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:47 (ten years ago) link

lol ppl really have this shit bookmarked?

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:47 (ten years ago) link

damn thats a squeaky clean bhole

rump lookin like a big ass peach

damn

Princess TamTam, Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:48 (ten years ago) link

i'm sayin

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:49 (ten years ago) link

lol balls are totally ridiculous

˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:51 (ten years ago) link

balls are really stupid

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:51 (ten years ago) link

Redheaded asshole
Oh man.

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:52 (ten years ago) link

x-post right?

Jordan are you a top? This is ILTMI so, that's right, I'm askin'.

˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:54 (ten years ago) link

I'm not a top but I'm still like "daaaaaaaaaamn"

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:57 (ten years ago) link

lol

˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:57 (ten years ago) link

Jordan are you a top? This is ILTMI so, that's right, I'm askin'.

― ˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Wednesday, December 8, 2010 6:54 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

ummm primarily, yes

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:57 (ten years ago) link

j0rdan is like a different dude on the gay threads. Since I only know him from autogoon i expected his posting style to be more like, "butt dumb tight my boners got boners"

dr. harbl's zing-along blog (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:58 (ten years ago) link

sorry yo, i need to get twee somewhere

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 9 December 2010 00:59 (ten years ago) link

I think it's kind of amazing to see how many ppl are reading this btw and now I sorta wish I hadn't gotten as TMI as I did last night. Oh well.

˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:01 (ten years ago) link

i will be reading this thread very intently *steeples fingers*

Princess TamTam, Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:02 (ten years ago) link

now we all know ENBB likes chicken nuggets

dr. harbl's zing-along blog (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:02 (ten years ago) link

"butt dumb tight my boners got boners"

what?

wednesday (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:03 (ten years ago) link

hiphop ref

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:03 (ten years ago) link

lol they were veggie nuggets tbh

˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:03 (ten years ago) link

house stupid dumb big my rooms got rooms

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:04 (ten years ago) link

hardest thing in the lot that there mine

steendriver DUMB BIG, his HOOS got HOOS (dayo), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:04 (ten years ago) link

hardest thing...eh?

The Reverend, Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:06 (ten years ago) link

FANTASTICO...

steendriver DUMB BIG, his HOOS got HOOS (dayo), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:06 (ten years ago) link

I feel so less likely talkin TMI now that there are even more people reading this than the orig gay thread

wednesday (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:18 (ten years ago) link

yeah me 2 tbh

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:19 (ten years ago) link

hard hard big big BBQ sauce

(Don't have anything to contribute--all of my encounters with women were too normal to post here about.)

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 9 December 2010 01:20 (ten years ago) link

so when do you guys think the series of all of us posting underwear photos is going to start happening?

a rozay is a rozay is a rozay (donna rouge), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:02 (ten years ago) link

until June rolls around all y'all are seeing are my long johns :)

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:07 (ten years ago) link

o fuc I forgot about the underwear thread.

unintentional boob pic (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:09 (ten years ago) link

i mean i DID just buy cute underwear

a rozay is a rozay is a rozay (donna rouge), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:10 (ten years ago) link

you can at least post a photo of the underwear alone!

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:11 (ten years ago) link

He'll have to take it to the other gay thread if he's going to go that route.

big jeans (lou), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:17 (ten years ago) link

:) :)

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:20 (ten years ago) link

this thread can't have Too Much Whiney.

Gus Van Sotosyn (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:27 (ten years ago) link

TMW

dr. harbl's zing-along blog (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 9 December 2010 02:28 (ten years ago) link

ya in the name of disclosure i feel the need to say that i am straight dude reading this thread. in the spirit of the topic, though, i did once get cum, albeit my own, in my eye. no fun.

Antoine Bugleboy (Merdeyeux), Thursday, 9 December 2010 05:31 (ten years ago) link

braggin 2010

the nagl is the nagl (dayo), Thursday, 9 December 2010 05:40 (ten years ago) link

I've done the self facial thing. I felt dumb.

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 05:44 (ten years ago) link

PUNK BOYS PUNK BOYS GIVE ME MORE PUNK BOYS

sorry this cuet guy on a4a is like, baiting my hook.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Thursday, 9 December 2010 05:44 (ten years ago) link

i've done that too.

who had peed on themselves? that is my question. then i know who are my brothers.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Thursday, 9 December 2010 05:45 (ten years ago) link

I mean if you want I could put on my cutoffs and homemade Mouse on Mars tanktop and flip up my baseball cap and...

it is thursday now (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 9 December 2010 05:46 (ten years ago) link

my blonde hair this summer is as punk as I've ever been

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 05:47 (ten years ago) link

but I looked more like Vince Clarke from Yaz

shanti ram emmanuel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 05:47 (ten years ago) link

Oh God what have I done... is such a consistently rewarding meme

maher shalal hash tagz (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 9 December 2010 06:07 (ten years ago) link

i am a human urinal, and no one can stop me. fuck shame.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Thursday, 9 December 2010 06:29 (ten years ago) link

TMI Gays, I have some questions! Where do you stand on casual hook-ups where one or other of you are already partnered?

My rules: I always explain my partnered and open relationship/full disclosure status beforehand. The reasons are:

1) To manage their expectations, so that they don't run away with the idea that we could be boyfriends.
2) To reassure them that they won't risk getting into trouble with a deceived and angry partner.
3) To give them a chance to back out, if they aren't into hooking up with married men.

NB - regarding 3), almost nobody ever backs out. I'd struggle to recall more than two or three occasions.

Similarly, I always establish the other person's relationship status beforehand. That's because there is one line that I don't cross. Namely, that I won't have sex with anyone who's partnered, if their relationship isn't fully open. This isn't so much a moral as a practical issue (although I don't find deceit a sexy look, at all). I was once caught out by someone who pretended his relationship was open, only for him to reveal the next day that it wasn't, and that I was to keep quiet about what had happened. Not long afterwards, I met his partner. It was excruciating. I couldn't act naturally around him at all. So it's largely a self-preservation issue, based around the fact that I'm a hopeless deceiver. And deceit isn't a sexy look on me, either.

What are your rules, or don't you have any?

mike t-diva, Thursday, 9 December 2010 12:08 (ten years ago) link

I won't have sex with anyone who's partnered, if their relationship isn't fully open.

Sensible.

I mostly agree with the rest.

Gus Van Sotosyn (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 9 December 2010 14:38 (ten years ago) link

Mine are largely the same Mike.

Tim F, Thursday, 9 December 2010 14:52 (ten years ago) link

When I was in a relationship, we only hooked up with others in the context of a threesome.

When I've hooked up with other guys who I know have partners, I will only do so if I they are in an open situation, and only if I actually believe them. There have been really quickie encounters where such a discussion was not relevant.

i need to organize my zines (Jesse), Thursday, 9 December 2010 15:41 (ten years ago) link

Well, this is true. I wouldn't break the sanctity of the darkroom with a lifestyle questionnaire...

mike t-diva, Thursday, 9 December 2010 16:34 (ten years ago) link

^^^ potential song lyric

Gus Van Sotosyn (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 9 December 2010 16:44 (ten years ago) link

Morrissey could pull it off.

Kevin John Bozelka, Thursday, 9 December 2010 17:48 (ten years ago) link

my thoughts exactly

must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirrel (corey), Thursday, 9 December 2010 17:55 (ten years ago) link

whenever i've been with someone more 'exclusively,' i always make sure to tell the dalliance. most of the time that's what they are to me, tbh, which sounds shitty, but having lovely romantic sex with someone you aren't partnered with is just a romp...if you make it clear , then if they act like they want to be your boyfriend...well, that's just kinda crazy.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Friday, 10 December 2010 09:17 (ten years ago) link

oh right, remember the cum in the eye? yeah, uh, last night....

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Friday, 10 December 2010 09:17 (ten years ago) link

cross-ref'd from the ILE thread— this boy was 5' 4", and had an 8.5" cock. no joke. it was unreal. we listened to Mirror Mirror and Light Asylum while we fucked, and i kind of felt like i was in gay heaven for sec.

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Friday, 10 December 2010 09:31 (ten years ago) link

also despite my penchant for taller people, it was nice to be big spoon :)

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Friday, 10 December 2010 09:42 (ten years ago) link

what happened to jordan's link? when I click = nada

the tune is space, Friday, 10 December 2010 09:42 (ten years ago) link

i would feel like an idiot posting that photo again, so i webmailed you the link

gimme schefter (J0rdan S.), Friday, 10 December 2010 09:53 (ten years ago) link

nice one, especially that backwards glance that sez "go for it"

the tune is space, Friday, 10 December 2010 10:03 (ten years ago) link

jealous, tabes

and yeah, Jordan's pic has been saved to my hd

must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirrel (corey), Friday, 10 December 2010 14:37 (ten years ago) link

this morning i made out with my date right after i popped a throat lozenge into my mouth and i had to stop myself from laughing because i kept thinking about this thread

a rozay is a rozay is a rozay (donna rouge), Friday, 10 December 2010 17:04 (ten years ago) link

hahaha

must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirrel (corey), Friday, 10 December 2010 17:26 (ten years ago) link

wait jord i wanna see that pic.

and i'm glad that happened, donn rouge. i still can't rim somebody without wanting to go RIIIIIICCCCCOOOOOOLLLAAAAAA

hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Friday, 10 December 2010 18:09 (ten years ago) link

ditto. pic, j0rdan?

The SBurbs (Alex in Montreal), Friday, 10 December 2010 21:07 (ten years ago) link

this is the pic:

http://imgur.com/CcVoo

which ear is the queer ear (corey), Friday, 10 December 2010 21:17 (ten years ago) link

guys, i had the most explosive orgasm i've ever had today. during my first porn shoot. the director gasped, and afterwards called it 'glorious.'

the mighty blowjob: "it's just lunch" basically (the table is the table), Monday, 13 December 2010 01:47 (ten years ago) link

That reminds me, I've been wanting to say this on this thread for a while: SEMEN DOES NOT TASTE SALTY.

So many times you hear people make jokes about jizz that involve references to saltiness, and it IS NOT SALTY.

Does anyone disagree?

Is that Glenn Danzig or Tommy Wiseau? (Jesse), Monday, 13 December 2010 01:54 (ten years ago) link

doesn't it depend on the jizz

ad hom alone (J0rdan S.), Monday, 13 December 2010 01:55 (ten years ago) link

it does. but for the most part, it has a nice sweetness, ime

the mighty blowjob: "it's just lunch" basically (the table is the table), Monday, 13 December 2010 01:57 (ten years ago) link

I've noticed sweetness, bleachiness, mushroominess, and some other variations, but never salty. And I've specifically tried to identify saltiness.

Is that Glenn Danzig or Tommy Wiseau? (Jesse), Monday, 13 December 2010 02:04 (ten years ago) link

it's sweet and bitter, like a gin and tonic.

which ear is the queer ear (corey), Monday, 13 December 2010 02:05 (ten years ago) link

Like love and passion.

Is that Glenn Danzig or Tommy Wiseau? (Jesse), Monday, 13 December 2010 02:12 (ten years ago) link

Table, have you done electrostimulation stuff? That seems like something you would try. If not, you should! It can be pretty great.

Is that Glenn Danzig or Tommy Wiseau? (Jesse), Monday, 13 December 2010 02:13 (ten years ago) link

Take a whiff of brie sometime soon, boys....

Kevin John Bozelka, Monday, 13 December 2010 02:54 (ten years ago) link

lol.

i have...uh....well, sort of. but not really. i have a lovely prostate massager though.

the mighty blowjob: "it's just lunch" basically (the table is the table), Monday, 13 December 2010 03:02 (ten years ago) link

This is not TMI, but it is gay and NSFW, so this is where it's going. I can't wait for the feature-length version of this http://www.nakedsword.com/features/iwyl.aspx. It is probably my favorite hardcore-sex-based film (I don't really want to call it porn) ever.

NakedSword.com is excited to present I Want Your Love, an independent short film with hardcore gay sexual content, from director Travis Mathews' forthcoming feature film of the same name. IWYL is in the style of Mathews' critically acclaimed web series, "In Their Room".

I've never seen In Their Room, but I'm going to.

Is that Glenn Danzig or Tommy Wiseau? (Jesse), Saturday, 18 December 2010 01:45 (ten years ago) link

i think we might've discussed that somewhere a while ago. it's like gay mumblecore thing.

the mighty blowjob: "it's just lunch" basically (the table is the table), Saturday, 18 December 2010 21:28 (ten years ago) link

A while back I went through security at the state courthouse while filing something for work and the deputy sheriff saw something fishy in my messenger bag. He made me pull out the questionable object which, to my horror, was a urethral sound (a friend gave it to me weeks before and I forgot to take it out of the bag). I claimed ignorance ad to what it was and how it got in my bag. The deputy just looked was dubious, but he let me go with it, though not before commenting on the price tag and saying "have fun."

"have fun"?? I wonder if he knew why it was??

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Monday, 20 December 2010 20:41 (ten years ago) link

What, not why.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Monday, 20 December 2010 20:41 (ten years ago) link

he knew not wherefore

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Monday, 20 December 2010 20:42 (ten years ago) link

i learned something today!

buzzoff (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 20 December 2010 20:57 (ten years ago) link

was it what a urethral sound is

because i didnt know either

the boobfinder general (Princess TamTam), Monday, 20 December 2010 21:01 (ten years ago) link

someone pls tell me what one is here because I don't want to google that at work

does it have to do with measuring the urethra or something?

ENBB, Monday, 20 December 2010 21:03 (ten years ago) link

urethral sound is, in fact, the name of my darkwave band

dashboard dolly (donna rouge), Monday, 20 December 2010 21:08 (ten years ago) link

was it what a urethral sound is

because i didnt know either

― the boobfinder general (Princess TamTam), Monday, December 20, 2010 3:01 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

yeah i haven't googled it yet but it seems pretty straightforward

ok i actually did just now GIS it and a)nsfw duh and b)there's no way i'd ever be able to guess the use of such a thing if i stumbled upon it in someone's bag, unless i'd seen one before (whereas other sex toys look pretty....sex toy-ish). either the dude has used one for fun, or had a medical procedure that involved one or something, i dunno.

kanellos (gbx), Monday, 20 December 2010 21:10 (ten years ago) link

yeah it looks like one of those things you measure your tire's air pressure with

the boobfinder general (Princess TamTam), Monday, 20 December 2010 21:13 (ten years ago) link

It is a slender metal rod whose medical use was originally opening a urethra that was gummed up (by STDs). My doctor told me that they are sometimes still used to stretch the urethra if it is too constricted to allow proper bladder drainage (I thought I had a prostrate problem, and my doc was telling me about possible treatments).

Sexually, they are used to stick in your urethra. V. invigorating....

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Monday, 20 December 2010 21:47 (ten years ago) link

ha, i had a somewhat similar experience at the Cleveland airport a few years ago.

i forgot i had poppers in my bag, and the security guy was just like, "what is this?" and i said, "poppers." and he was like, "what?" and i was like, "it's amyl nitrate, it's used to stimulate the blood." and he looked at me, then looked at the bottle, and was like, "well, i'm confiscating whatever it is."

he also took my jew-harp because it could be used as a weapon.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 20 December 2010 22:08 (ten years ago) link

tbh, i'm surprised i didn't get TONS of shit for that incident.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 20 December 2010 22:08 (ten years ago) link

it's used to stimulate the blood

Haha - that makes it sound like it's some kind of early 20th century quack tonic.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Monday, 20 December 2010 22:23 (ten years ago) link

he also took my jew-harp because it could be used as a weapon.

anti-semites!

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Tuesday, 21 December 2010 00:49 (ten years ago) link

urethra that was gummed up (by STDs)

my new least favorite phrase aaagggghhhh

dayo, Tuesday, 21 December 2010 00:56 (ten years ago) link

i participated in my first impromptu orgy last night

i've been seeing this boy, and he had a coldwave/minimal synth party at his place, and eventually, 12 females and (mostly) males were naked and getting super nasty.

it was called the D4RKP4RTY.

i don't feel dark cuz it was amazing, but man. i am tired.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Thursday, 23 December 2010 06:33 (ten years ago) link

Tabes, do you have sex with women?

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 23 December 2010 14:39 (ten years ago) link

(Note to self: Crash Table's parties if ever in the area. Consider 'area' to be a 100-mile radius.)

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 24 December 2010 16:25 (ten years ago) link

(Next note to self: Add another zero onto the 100.)

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 24 December 2010 16:31 (ten years ago) link

ahaha.

um, i kissed a girl that night. but no, i don't do ladies.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Friday, 24 December 2010 23:03 (ten years ago) link

kinda like Katy Perry?

sarahel, Friday, 24 December 2010 23:18 (ten years ago) link

Always thought that song had piano-bar potential.

would like a calmer set (Eazy), Saturday, 25 December 2010 02:36 (ten years ago) link

I'm sad that her version eclipsed Jill Sobule's.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Saturday, 25 December 2010 02:49 (ten years ago) link

Not "version," rather song of the same title.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Saturday, 25 December 2010 02:52 (ten years ago) link

eeyup

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Sunday, 26 December 2010 22:18 (ten years ago) link

tabes, I liked that punkboy porn clip on your blog!

(didnt get off tho)

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Monday, 27 December 2010 19:01 (ten years ago) link

URL?

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Monday, 27 December 2010 19:06 (ten years ago) link

oh and by the way, morbz, glad you liked that one. it's pretty hot, especially the kind of janky lighting during the plowing sequence.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 01:33 (ten years ago) link

lmao @ "the plowing sequence"

Past Fellini Kroger but before Senor Taco (crüt), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 01:34 (ten years ago) link

is it cowpunk?

sarahel, Tuesday, 28 December 2010 01:37 (ten years ago) link

i knew that would get a lol from someone after i typed it. think i might have a display name.. no, it's 80s 'punks' fucking and sucking.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 02:25 (ten years ago) link

^^i read that as "it's eighty punks fucking and sucking" and was like daaaaamn i gotta see THIS

gr8080, Tuesday, 28 December 2010 02:32 (ten years ago) link

hahaha

I thought it was going to be a clip of Table's porn.

ENBB, Tuesday, 28 December 2010 02:35 (ten years ago) link

oh hell no. i will post that when it is up tho, or at least the preview clip

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 02:38 (ten years ago) link

^^^ I am not sure how I feel about this.

-hot-johnny-fever- (crüt), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 02:44 (ten years ago) link

stoked for the madness

gr8080, Tuesday, 28 December 2010 02:45 (ten years ago) link

little weird, will totally watch

ENBB, Tuesday, 28 December 2010 02:45 (ten years ago) link

i'll post the preview. i mean, everyone on the gay thread already knows the site name. so.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 02:47 (ten years ago) link

We will give it a thorough Pitchfork evaluation.

would like a calmer set (Eazy), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 05:37 (ten years ago) link

WDYLLTMI?

about bloody time someone stepped up

acoleuthic, Tuesday, 28 December 2010 05:39 (ten years ago) link

i dunno, that thread is history in a weird way i wouldn't post pics there.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 08:16 (ten years ago) link

as always, closeups of butt penetration ew ew ew

"An industrial film covered in fur" - Robin Williams

(well, he wasn't talking about hairless twinks)

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 16:17 (ten years ago) link

so...i really hate when i can't get it up when i'm with a guy i like >:(

where they douthat at (donna rouge), Wednesday, 29 December 2010 15:42 (ten years ago) link

:(

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Wednesday, 29 December 2010 16:42 (ten years ago) link

yeah that isn't fun.

um, i think i'm meeting a guy tonight. he's paying me.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Thursday, 30 December 2010 00:00 (ten years ago) link

How did you get this gig?

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 30 December 2010 01:47 (ten years ago) link

Paxil makes erections fickle for me, though mostly when emotions are at play - with a totally meaningless hook-up it's never a problem, but sometimes when I start to like a guy it can be. Lol intimacy issues, I guess.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 30 December 2010 15:28 (ten years ago) link

yeah it has pretty much never happened when it's understood that it's a one-night thing, but it's happened a couple of times with guys that i'd like to see again. idk, he was very sweet when i told him i was embarrassed about it.

where they douthat at (donna rouge), Thursday, 30 December 2010 16:08 (ten years ago) link

I have a friend who said this invariably happens to him when he first has sex with a girl he is dating, but never if it's a one-nighter. It's really fucking obnoxious.

And when it's followed by anorgasmia....

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 30 December 2010 16:16 (ten years ago) link

CGLDI-- it's a site where one pays for an ad, then people pay you for your services.

i rarely have this problem, but on occasion, it happens. mostly when someone isn't into my sense of foreplay, which is very kiss-centered around the upper torso. if a dude isn't kissing and nibbling my neck and mouth and chest, then i have problems.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Thursday, 30 December 2010 21:42 (ten years ago) link

^^^ yep. We don't have to make out constantly (which does get boring) but bussing limbs and torsos is required practice.

Gus Van Sotosyn (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 31 December 2010 15:25 (ten years ago) link

um, some guy has offered to fly me to Minneapolis for a weekend.

wtf i forgot how insane this shit is.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Friday, 31 December 2010 19:12 (ten years ago) link

say whaaaaaat

ullr saves (gbx), Friday, 31 December 2010 19:57 (ten years ago) link

ya rite. i'm asking a friend for advice about it.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Friday, 31 December 2010 20:11 (ten years ago) link

the weather here is terrible right now

ullr saves (gbx), Friday, 31 December 2010 20:12 (ten years ago) link

gbx fess up

plax (ico), Sunday, 2 January 2011 19:07 (ten years ago) link

okay, i'm shitting on a dude tomorrow. for money.

apparently he has quite the modern art collection.

o_0

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:34 (ten years ago) link

what are you going to eat tonite!!!

gr8080, Monday, 3 January 2011 06:35 (ten years ago) link

paint

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:37 (ten years ago) link

How does one poo on command? Will you not poo all day and then he will make you espresso from a fancy espresso machine and then 15 minutes later you will get down to business?

would like a calmer set (Eazy), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:39 (ten years ago) link

'business'

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:42 (ten years ago) link

'Always Be Pooing'

would like a calmer set (Eazy), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:42 (ten years ago) link

in his email and on the phone, he told me to make sure i saved my morning dump for him.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:43 (ten years ago) link

he used those words exactly. "morning dump." this guy is notorious, he has a special chair for the whole thing even. he never calls after the first time. and he's old and rich.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:44 (ten years ago) link

'save the last dump for me'

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:44 (ten years ago) link

I can bugger off out of this thread if you like.

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:44 (ten years ago) link

A photo from this session would qualify for two threads at once.

would like a calmer set (Eazy), Monday, 3 January 2011 06:47 (ten years ago) link

in the email he sent, the end of it didn't have a greeting. it just read:

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

NO JOEK.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:01 (ten years ago) link

How much money?

our man flint flo$$y (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:03 (ten years ago) link

Can I ask you a dumb question Table? Are you scared? Like his enthusiasm, does it wig you out? Or is it more like a weird adventure?

Just curious.

VegemiteGrrrl, Monday, 3 January 2011 07:04 (ten years ago) link

curious about his art collection, myself

Auld Future Wolf Lang Syne Them All (donna rouge), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:06 (ten years ago) link

$200.

and no, vegegirl, whatever. weird fetishes are where i'm a viking.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:07 (ten years ago) link

'oh i mean, what a freakshow, i mean, that comes with the territory when you...uh...shit on people for a living'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAK108u2xAs

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:09 (ten years ago) link

^^ curious about his art collection, myself

would like a calmer set (Eazy), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:10 (ten years ago) link

lol lol

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:11 (ten years ago) link

Chris Ofili on the wall

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:11 (ten years ago) link

and on his chest haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

rag photographique (ytth), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:15 (ten years ago) link

a hot carl on a cold day

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:16 (ten years ago) link

DO NOT LICK THE ART

Auld Future Wolf Lang Syne Them All (donna rouge), Monday, 3 January 2011 07:17 (ten years ago) link

tabes maybe you could hit two birds w/ one stone and show him a copy of that abstract mystery painting I posted to ILE and see if he knows it.

cathy opie & anthony (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 3 January 2011 19:10 (ten years ago) link

OK, if table isn't back by 6 p.m., we're busting down some art-collecting scat-loving doors.

would like a calmer set (Eazy), Monday, 3 January 2011 21:47 (ten years ago) link

What's the most usual rate for fetish work? $200 a session seems a bit low to me.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:02 (ten years ago) link

i was gonna say, i think yr getting shafted (ahem) here. i'd've held out for $300 at least, esp. if this dude does this all the time and has an art collection

thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:05 (ten years ago) link

I hope the guy at least paid for his plane ticket and gave him a tip at the end.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:14 (ten years ago) link

saw this thread was updated and then got so let down that it was by ppl who arent tables

gr8080, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:30 (ten years ago) link

lets talk about how much money it would take to get you to shit on a guy

darwin deej (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:32 (ten years ago) link

i would do it for a handful of nickels and a taco

darwin deej (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:32 (ten years ago) link

Is the guy Harry Chapin: y/n

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:35 (ten years ago) link

in all honestly, i probably would not, could not shit on a guy for $200

darwin deej (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:36 (ten years ago) link

$200 seems hella cheap imo, but i don't really know what the market, uh, supports

ullr saves (gbx), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:37 (ten years ago) link

poll

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:38 (ten years ago) link

like is there a line out the door of dudes willing to crap on other dudes, just waiting to undercut someone holding out for $250

ullr saves (gbx), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:38 (ten years ago) link

I want to know how it's itemised on the receipt.

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:40 (ten years ago) link

he gave me a blowjob, the most excellent rimjob i've ever received, and then i shat in his mouth. $260, and that's pretty standard— it's not like i'm eating shit, cuz that's fucking disgusting.

his art collection was mostly gay erotica from the 70s and 80s, but he had two original Mapplethorpe prints (one of them went at auction for $70k recently) as well as some Peter Hujar and really lovely bronze statues.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:41 (ten years ago) link

also the guy lives like 15 minutes away.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:41 (ten years ago) link

what did you eat beforehand?

dayo, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:42 (ten years ago) link

also the guy lives like 15 minutes away.

within shitting distance

darwin deej (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:43 (ten years ago) link

i think it would be the easiest and most natural thing in the world showing up, having a drink, looking at some badass modern art, then having him show you his "speacial chair" and kind of laughing together at it then also maybe complimenting him on it, then getting down to business and taking clothes off and having him lay down and then getting to squeeze one out-- i think that would be pretty easy no problem.

but the thought of what the fuck i'd do next when i'm pantsless in some dude's house and he's lying on the ground with my shit on him gives me a panic attack so no i dont think i could shit on a guy for $200.

oh xposts

gr8080, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:43 (ten years ago) link

i mean, after i shat on him, he was like, 'okay, shower time for you.' took a quick shower, came out and my money was on the table, and then we talked about his art for 20 minutes.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:48 (ten years ago) link

did he have a cool shower

gr8080, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:49 (ten years ago) link

i love showering at other people's places or hotel rooms with cool showers

gr8080, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:50 (ten years ago) link

was he talking with his mouth full of shit or did he swallow first

dayo, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:50 (ten years ago) link

i can't even

ullr saves (gbx), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:54 (ten years ago) link

good question, dayo

gr8080, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:56 (ten years ago) link

he swallowed. and also kept on saying, "you have a sweet hole."

god, maybe i should just start a thread: 'table's adventures in escorting.'

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:57 (ten years ago) link

please

darwin deej (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 01:57 (ten years ago) link

jesus

iatee, Tuesday, 4 January 2011 02:01 (ten years ago) link

'you have shitty breath, dude'

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 02:02 (ten years ago) link

actually, i'm just not going to do that, and not going to post anymore about this sort of....shit. makes me feel weird.

okay, enough scat talk. i have a date with a cute punk boy this thursday.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 02:02 (ten years ago) link

hey gay dudes, what is your opinion on vaginas?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\||||||( *__* )||||||/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ (res), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 21:52 (ten years ago) link

i don't think about them much tbh

thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 21:53 (ten years ago) link

that said, gay dudes who are all like EW VAGINAS are kind of the worst

thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 21:54 (ten years ago) link

I had never met anyone like that until a few weeks ago when I mentioned cunnilingus around 2 friends and their friends and they started acting all grossed out and squealy. I think it was the group setting in a gay bar that made them act so vocally squeamish.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Tuesday, 4 January 2011 23:41 (ten years ago) link

vaginas are fine, i just don't want to eat them.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 01:14 (ten years ago) link

Huh, I was just about to post about cunnilingus.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 01:48 (ten years ago) link

cunnilingus is about as "gross" as eating asshole, isn't it?

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 01:50 (ten years ago) link

The first time I did it, I licked out a glob of thickened (ah, what should I call it? "Pussy juice" is too crude, "natural lubrication" is too vague. You all know what I mean). I was grossed out for a second, and then I spit it out and went on.

Is it my imagination, or is going down on women more difficult than going down on men?

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 02:02 (ten years ago) link

It's harder to put a hole in your mouth.

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 02:07 (ten years ago) link

Not if it's a Life Saver.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 02:11 (ten years ago) link

god damn, stfu

nakh get on my lvl (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 02:26 (ten years ago) link

Roxy, this is the second time you've done this. What's going on?

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 02:28 (ten years ago) link

cunnilingus is about as "gross" as eating asshole, isn't it?

― =(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Tuesday, January 4, 2011 7:50 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

i could answer this question if boys had vaginas

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:22 (ten years ago) link

for the record I've never seen a vagina irl

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:28 (ten years ago) link

i've seen a female crotch irl twice, but never an actual vagina & i don't really have any plans on it

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:30 (ten years ago) link

i second roxy btw

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:30 (ten years ago) link

y'all are trippin vaginas are the best

gr8080, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:32 (ten years ago) link

the actual taste of cunnilingus is closer to metal spoons dipped in butter
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, July 28, 2003 5:35 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Hans Peter Cutlassin' (crüt), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:35 (ten years ago) link

fish

Bentley Rhythm Trayce (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:38 (ten years ago) link

u mad

mh, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:42 (ten years ago) link

y'all are trippin vaginas are the best

― gr8080, Tuesday, January 4, 2011 10:32 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:45 (ten years ago) link

how did this thread get on this, anyway?

call all destroyer, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:46 (ten years ago) link

I dunno I'm trippin' vaginas bro

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:47 (ten years ago) link

I'm going to shut up and wander off since that's not really ilx gay thread material. I've got nothing real to say here, gay men can be ambivalent about vaginas all day, it's cool.

mh, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:48 (ten years ago) link

yes but before you leave tell us what you think about dicks

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 03:50 (ten years ago) link

irl i've seen vaginas probably five times. only three of those times were 'sex' involved.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:00 (ten years ago) link

y'all are trippin vaginas are the best

^^^

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:29 (ten years ago) link

...but I'll drop this topic to avoid any problems.

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:35 (ten years ago) link

the actual taste of cunnilingus is closer to metal spoons dipped in butter
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, July 28, 2003 5:35 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

http://myspace.roflposters.com/images/rofl/myspace/1222656832699.jpg.%5Broflposters.com%5D.myspace.jpg

endlamoosing (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 17:40 (ten years ago) link

ban roxy and jordan from iltmi plz

if anyone is lost to the tragic carnage of ILX, let it be (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:01 (ten years ago) link

tbrfr their negative hardbro schtick is fucking me off more than any other ilx poster and I wish they'd quit being the egotistical dickholes they seem so intent on being atm because they're alienating other ilxors and painting themselves in a really terrible light

if anyone is lost to the tragic carnage of ILX, let it be (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:12 (ten years ago) link

what other posters?

Aerosol, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:18 (ten years ago) link

uh huh

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:22 (ten years ago) link

ban l0u1s jagg3r.

gr8080, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:25 (ten years ago) link

roxy and j0rdan are like the best posters, when the living fuck are you gonna hit 153 already

endlamoosing (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:26 (ten years ago) link

i'm just working towards a better ilx

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:27 (ten years ago) link

I'm not

basically ILX is a really chill place but certain ppl seem to think they own it

if anyone is lost to the tragic carnage of ILX, let it be (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:28 (ten years ago) link

guys.

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:28 (ten years ago) link

haha the 'I'm not' was an xpost

if anyone is lost to the tragic carnage of ILX, let it be (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:28 (ten years ago) link

basically ILX is a really chill place but certain ppl seem to think they pwn it

endlamoosing (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:29 (ten years ago) link

never thought i'd ever say/type this but can we drop this nonsense and go back to talking about gross shit we'd do for money

thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:31 (ten years ago) link

we say we wouldn't shit on a dude for $200, but we still shit on jagger all day for free

endlamoosing (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:31 (ten years ago) link

^^^

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 19:12 (ten years ago) link

to go back to the topic:

as a gay man (at least, er, most of the time) I can say that eating pussy is really fun, would do it again

the tune is space, Wednesday, 5 January 2011 21:09 (ten years ago) link

ive done like five years of life drawing

plax (ico), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 22:16 (ten years ago) link

^^new pickup line

ullr saves (gbx), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 23:05 (ten years ago) link

How many labia/vulvas (nevermind vaginas) do you see in life drawing??? Wide open leg poses were not a part of the life draw classes I took.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Wednesday, 5 January 2011 23:44 (ten years ago) link

Wow, you fuckers have somehow managed to make this even less fun than the other gay thread.

Jean Hill as Gospel bus hijacker (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 6 January 2011 00:12 (ten years ago) link

loool

big jeans (lou), Thursday, 6 January 2011 00:16 (ten years ago) link

I mean I have little desire to eat vag much the way most hetero dudes prob have little desire to put their tongue inside another guy's asshole. I mean w that being said it doesn't like OMG TOTALLY DISGUST me or anything but I don't think I actually want to do it.

Jean Hill as Gospel bus hijacker (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 6 January 2011 00:30 (ten years ago) link

the question seems sort of irrelevant for me because I don't ever see myself in a situation where that could occur?

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Thursday, 6 January 2011 00:33 (ten years ago) link

The history of my feelings toward the vagina:

Early puberty: I was lucky in finding lots of woods-porn*, all of which was all-female, and I was happy to fap to it.

Late high school to age 21: Had "girlfriends" with whom I went to over-the-underwear petting. It was horrible, but not at all gross.

21 to 27/28: No vaginas on my mind.

27/28 to 32: Got curious about going down on a woman.

Age 32: Did so. It was very interesting, but not arousing at all.

32 - present: Curiosity satisfied. At peace. Probably won't go back vaginas, but no one can say what the future holds. Actually I still have one bit of curiosity left: MMF....

*Some friends and I were talking about woods-porn, which is porn that you randomly find in the woods. We all had multiple experiences with it. I thought it was just me, but for some reason the woods is a good spot for youngsters to find porn.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 6 January 2011 00:58 (ten years ago) link

roxy and Jordan and Stevie: T. created this thread as a quarantine for TMI that was objected to on the gay thread, so it's not like you're being assaulted with things you find appalling!

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:02 (ten years ago) link

i have never found porn randomly in the woods! i did find a completely unopened pack of cigarettes once tho, and took it

thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:05 (ten years ago) link

27/28 to 32: Got curious about going down on a woman.

ypu posted about this on ILX iirc!?! or am i imagining...

gr8080, Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:11 (ten years ago) link

roxy and Jordan and Stevie: T. created this thread as a quarantine for TMI that was objected to on the gay thread, so it's not like you're being assaulted with things you find appalling!

No dude that's exactly what I meant! I was referring all the stupid bickery horseshit

Jean Hill as Gospel bus hijacker (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:13 (ten years ago) link

Its like when your sister dares you to fart or something, and you do, and then she's all EEEWWW MOOOOOOM STEVE JUST FARTED and then you grounded. WTF.

Jean Hill as Gospel bus hijacker (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:15 (ten years ago) link

Oh! OK! Hugglez 2 U Stevie D(eux)!

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:17 (ten years ago) link

gr80, I think I said something about it somewhere on ILX - maybe a Chicago thread?

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:18 (ten years ago) link

haha yes i knew i wasnt crazy

gr8080, Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:21 (ten years ago) link

I feel like ultra-hetero plain-sex dude when I'm like "why the hell would I want to put my mouth near an asshole" but I'm all like "going down on women is so awesome!" when in reality it's a difference of inches

mh, Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:36 (ten years ago) link

i've heard a lot of gay dudes say the first thing tbh

thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:54 (ten years ago) link

I never thought I would until I did it

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:56 (ten years ago) link

I was gonna say, I didn't really think that was a universal thing, but I can't say that the gay dudes I know (or lived with) are that average so I don't feel like I have a handle on things.

mh, Thursday, 6 January 2011 01:57 (ten years ago) link

when the thread title is 'i lost a coughdrop in his asshole' i think the lid is pretty much blown off of decorum and restraint. santorum and taint, on the other hand...

rag photographique (ytth), Thursday, 6 January 2011 03:12 (ten years ago) link

I think about that cough drop all the time tbh,,

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Thursday, 6 January 2011 03:14 (ten years ago) link

I giggled the other day thinking about a dude going "RIIIIIICOOOOOLAAA" at another dude's asshole, tbh

mh, Thursday, 6 January 2011 03:19 (ten years ago) link

I feel like ultra-hetero plain-sex dude when I'm like "why the hell would I want to put my mouth near an asshole" but I'm all like "going down on women is so awesome!" when in reality it's a difference of inches

― mh, Wednesday, January 5, 2011 8:36 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i've heard a lot of gay dudes say the first thing tbh

― thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Wednesday, January 5, 2011 8:54 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I never thought I would until I did it

― =(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Wednesday, January 5, 2011 8:56 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

This was my trajectory which ended this evening.

Alex in Montreal, Thursday, 6 January 2011 06:31 (ten years ago) link

Which is to say. There is a lovely young gentleman who I have been on a few dates with etc. etc. and "I never thought I would until I did it." Also, I might have been hit in the left eye with cum.

This is far too much information to comfortably divulge on the Internet, but TMI, RICOLA ASSHOLES, etc.

Alex in Montreal, Thursday, 6 January 2011 06:33 (ten years ago) link

Awesome :D

=(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Thursday, 6 January 2011 06:36 (ten years ago) link

Running seems pretty standard fare to me. I mean, I'm very mildly surprised when someone says he or she isn't into it, but I totally get why s/he would feel that way. It's like finding out someone doesn't like chocolate.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 6 January 2011 08:22 (ten years ago) link

fuck i just got hungry for chocolate

gr8080, Thursday, 6 January 2011 08:27 (ten years ago) link

*rimming (had to teach auto correct that word)

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 6 January 2011 08:29 (ten years ago) link

I have a question about rimming but don't want to derail this thread again.

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 6 January 2011 08:30 (ten years ago) link

go on *strokes chin*

J0rdan S., Thursday, 6 January 2011 08:31 (ten years ago) link

Orrite. There's a fair amount of disgust in this thread about table's dispensation yet rimming is par for the course. I've never gone near a bum or eaten some poo but the two activities don't seem a mile away from each other. I mean I get that a clean arsehole is favourable but there's still a healthy degree of sewage getting about in the region. Am I missing something?

This is not a question expressly for gays coz obviously heteros can lick a mean starfish too, but as it's all come up in this thread it seems the ideal place to ask.

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 6 January 2011 08:39 (ten years ago) link

For me, it must be immaculate. Clean enough to eat (off of). Sweat is great, but it is only decent to deter the potential rimmer if things are less than spotless.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 6 January 2011 08:57 (ten years ago) link

i'll just point out that eating someone's poop is really not in the same realm as eating someone's butthole

J0rdan S., Thursday, 6 January 2011 09:05 (ten years ago) link

it's like the difference between drinking pee and sucking cock, yeah?

dayo, Thursday, 6 January 2011 09:07 (ten years ago) link

or, idk, licking a scab vs drinking blood

J0rdan S., Thursday, 6 January 2011 09:08 (ten years ago) link

1. going down on ladies is the best
2. i can p much poo on demand and if only i wasn't freaked out by almost everything involved in sexyfuntimes, think i could make quite a living off of it.
3. i will lick a lady on the bumhole but really when there is a vagina right next to it that seems more pleasurable for her, seems a bit pointless. also its where poo comes from, so you best be CLEAN.

"jobs" (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 6 January 2011 09:22 (ten years ago) link

the vagina is where pee comes from

dayo, Thursday, 6 January 2011 09:27 (ten years ago) link

uh

ObviousSccck (buzza), Thursday, 6 January 2011 09:30 (ten years ago) link

don't argue

Hans Peter Cutlassin' (crüt), Thursday, 6 January 2011 09:31 (ten years ago) link

The difference between wee/penis/scab/vampirism and bum/poo is that poo is not sterile or safe to consume, which is why I was wondering. Anyway Jesse I think your cleanliness tip explains it so thanks for that.

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 6 January 2011 09:57 (ten years ago) link

uh

ok so I glossed over a few details, you'd have to be really meticulous to avoid the urethra

dayo, Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:00 (ten years ago) link

The difference between wee/penis/scab/vampirism and bum/poo is that poo is not sterile or safe to consume, which is why I was wondering. Anyway Jesse I think your cleanliness tip explains it so thanks for that.

― "Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, January 6, 2011 3:57 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

yeah but the thing is not that most ppl are adverse to shit because of health reasons, it's cuz they find it gross -- i.e. if an average person was sucking a dick and the dude peed in his/her mouth, the person's first reaction would not be "well at least this isn't going to make me sick!!"

J0rdan S., Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:04 (ten years ago) link

also urine is not sterile

Urine is sterile until it reaches the urethra where the epithelial cells lining the urethra are colonized by facultatively anaerobic Gram negative rods and cocci.[1] Subsequent to elimination from the body, urine can acquire strong odors due to bacterial action[citation needed]. Most noticeably, the asphyxiating ammonia is produced by breakdown of urea. Some diseases alter the quantity and consistency of the urine, such as sugar as a consequence of diabetes.

dayo, Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:04 (ten years ago) link

Agh really? (re the urine thing)

yeah but the thing is not that most ppl are adverse to shit because of health reasons, it's cuz they find it gross -- i.e. if an average person was sucking a dick and the dude peed in his/her mouth, the person's first reaction would not be "well at least this isn't going to make me sick!!"

k so it's (a) courtesy cleanliness and (b) sexual gain. Cool, ta. Having not rimmed I don't know my way round the mechanics of it.

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:10 (ten years ago) link

well yeah it's pretty easy to pleasure a butthole w/o encountering poop, if that's what you're asking

J0rdan S., Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:12 (ten years ago) link

Yep

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:13 (ten years ago) link

god I feel so Tuomas in this thread.

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:14 (ten years ago) link

tmi tuomas != ilx tuomas. asking questions and knowing nothing about rimming is fine, just don't masterbate in front a baby

"jobs" (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:15 (ten years ago) link

ahahahahahaha

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:16 (ten years ago) link

I have a teach-yrself-German video series which is interrupted for no apparent reason by brightly coloured RIIIIII-CO-LAAAA adverts in German, which were already pretty hilarious but thanks to this thread are now 6000x more so

thank you thread, you are entertaining and educational

sorry for being nosy straight female

agrarian gamekeeper (a passing spacecadet), Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:23 (ten years ago) link

oh yeah sorry for being nosy straight male

"jobs" (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 6 January 2011 10:24 (ten years ago) link

knowing nothing about rimming is fine, just don't masterbate in front a baby

words to live by, tbrr.

Alex in Montreal, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:17 (ten years ago) link

in fact, possibly new board description.

Alex in Montreal, Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:17 (ten years ago) link

real talk: the tuomas baby masturbation thing was played about 4 years ago, leave the dude be

http://i26.tinypic.com/2ajucf4.jpg (acoleuthic), Thursday, 6 January 2011 14:37 (ten years ago) link

how does a 'baby masturbation thing' ever get played out be srs

all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Thursday, 6 January 2011 16:24 (ten years ago) link

I really don't think tuomas is at all bothered by it either, so I don't know why you're bringing him into it unless it's to make us feel guilty about bringing up something you just don't like.

mh, Thursday, 6 January 2011 16:44 (ten years ago) link

LJ making his case to be a sitewide mod (it's his best shot at not being 51'd anymore).

earnest goes to camp, ironic goes to ilm (pixel farmer), Thursday, 6 January 2011 16:49 (ten years ago) link

if you want to chide people for saying stuff thats played dont preface it with "real talk"

nakh get on my lvl (roxymuzak), Thursday, 6 January 2011 22:30 (ten years ago) link

There's a fair amount of disgust in this thread about table's dispensation

great euphemism, like he got a ruling from the Vatican.

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Friday, 7 January 2011 03:17 (ten years ago) link

lol

call all destroyer, Friday, 7 January 2011 03:18 (ten years ago) link

a few things:
1- rimming is probably the sexual activity that gets me off the most after fucking. love rimming, love being rimmed.
2- there's a thing called an enema. if you ain't cleaning yourself out, then i ain't rimming you. whenever i travel, i travel with my silicone enema bulb.
3- alex, i love you.

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Friday, 7 January 2011 03:39 (ten years ago) link

i'm pretty sure "whenever i travel, i travel with my silicone enema bulb" needs to be the new board description. well, actually any individual sentence in that post would make a great board description. table rulz.

rag photographique (ytth), Friday, 7 January 2011 05:31 (ten years ago) link

consider it done

esteban and the witch (electricsound), Friday, 7 January 2011 05:33 (ten years ago) link

What about the deindexed thing...

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 7 January 2011 05:49 (ten years ago) link

the board (and this thread) are d-ix'd, but i will change the board desc bac if it is controv

esteban and the witch (electricsound), Friday, 7 January 2011 05:50 (ten years ago) link

k

"Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 7 January 2011 05:57 (ten years ago) link

we're de-indexed and it feels so good

a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Friday, 7 January 2011 06:04 (ten years ago) link

silicone enema bulb

New Oasis single.

the point at which the whole world gets to try on the glasses (Eazy), Friday, 7 January 2011 06:13 (ten years ago) link

fast n' silicone enema bulbous

thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Friday, 7 January 2011 07:52 (ten years ago) link

"Phone, cards, keys, douchebag... I'm good to go!"

mike t-diva, Friday, 7 January 2011 11:04 (ten years ago) link

lol.

uhm, anyone who wants to can watch the preview of my solo scene, as it's up now at Heavenly Spire.

sfw?

Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 10 January 2011 21:26 (ten years ago) link

um, i talk about getting gangbanged, so no. no naughty bits are shown in the preview, tho, just my bare arms and thighs (i'm wearing underwear).

Just like any episode of The O'Reilly Factor, no big deal.

the point at which the whole world gets to try on the glasses (Eazy), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 00:43 (ten years ago) link

So, which one are you? It's fun to guess, but I'm basically clueless.

mike t-diva, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 11:11 (ten years ago) link

the one who looks like 'the table is the table' from the world famous wdyll threads?

"jobs" (a hoy hoy), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 11:24 (ten years ago) link

Ah, I see. I almost never read those threads. I am such a part-timer.

mike t-diva, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 11:59 (ten years ago) link

Ah, got it...

mike t-diva, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 12:08 (ten years ago) link

enjoy masterbating

"jobs" (a hoy hoy), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 12:09 (ten years ago) link

um, okay, i'm pretty sure i secured this job in LA. (i know i said i wouldn't talk about escorting here, but this is just too weird to not talk about).

$3000/weekend to....trample this guy. like, jump on his stomach and junk and everything. he wants to buy me a Fascist Youth outfit for it, even.

he seems "normal" otherwise. highly educated and well-to-do.

it's just that i've never signed a waiver of this sort before, iykwim.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:35 (ten years ago) link

what if you kill him

J0rdan S., Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:36 (ten years ago) link

or is that what the waiver is for

J0rdan S., Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:36 (ten years ago) link

that's what the waiver is for.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:41 (ten years ago) link

i mean, it's not like he wants me to crush his skull or anything. just...like, jump on his stomach til he pukes. and "flatten" his privates.

it's like the weirdest shit ever, but that's a lot of money, and i actually have tons of anger and aggression i could get rid of. like right now i want to beat the shit out of this boy, but i'm keeping my distance (and no it isnt my ex).

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:43 (ten years ago) link

i would certainly jump on someone for $3k

J0rdan S., Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:44 (ten years ago) link

i would get jumped on for 3k

J0rdan S., Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:44 (ten years ago) link

wtf! who wouldn't jump on someone for 3k

iatee, Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:51 (ten years ago) link

that is really not a competitive market price there

iatee, Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:51 (ten years ago) link

i mean, that's without the bonus and tips.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:55 (ten years ago) link

also you don't understand. he wants me to do this for like 6-7 hours a day. it takes...uh...fortitude. and the ability to conjure up anger.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:57 (ten years ago) link

this sounds incredibly dangerous? like how does he still have testicles

J0rdan S., Thursday, 13 January 2011 05:57 (ten years ago) link

like 2 days a week?

gr8080, Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:01 (ten years ago) link

Wait, so jump on him for 6-7 hrs per day? Or is that just the climax? Also, which movie studio does he run?

a can, a mla, a nmutua ― (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:05 (ten years ago) link

haha

gr8080, Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:07 (ten years ago) link

man you gotta get a jump rope and start practicing

iatee, Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:16 (ten years ago) link

or a trampoline

iatee, Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:16 (ten years ago) link

i stomped on a book over the phone. it shook my entire house. that was when he was like 'yr it'.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:17 (ten years ago) link

it IS dangerous. that's why there's a waiver. i'm mystified by this fetish but he wants me to "take out my punk aggression" on him, so to speak. i have that aggression, but wow.

i'm going to do it tho.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:19 (ten years ago) link

yeah I mean when he's in the hospital w/ bloody crushed mess of a ballsack just remind yourself that this dude was gonna get somebody to do this regardless

iatee, Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:21 (ten years ago) link

i would do it w/o remorse -- but i do wonder about his ballsack

J0rdan S., Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:23 (ten years ago) link

i don't have any problem with it tbh. i mean, shit guy exposes himself to tons of disease by doing what he does. this guy gets off on someone torturing him? that's fine.

anyway, enough. i really just want a date tonight.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:24 (ten years ago) link

is this waiver court-certified?

oOoOO on the TLC tip (donna rouge), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:25 (ten years ago) link

also at $3000 you should take me out for a drink afterward, since you'll be in LA ;)

oOoOO on the TLC tip (donna rouge), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:26 (ten years ago) link

uh, no.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:27 (ten years ago) link

but yes to the latter :)

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:27 (ten years ago) link

Totes comfortable with this as long as he says 'oooh me plums' at some point.

a can, a mla, a nmutua ― (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:31 (ten years ago) link

he wants me to verbally abuse him. like call him a dirty fag and stuff. as i've thought about it since he first called me last week, i've been realizing that maybe he has some sort of fetish for high school and middle school style abuse? but maybe that was just my experience.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:34 (ten years ago) link

aren't there dudes who pay escorts to stomp on their balls w/ stiletto heels?

dayo, Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:34 (ten years ago) link

how strong are balls? what would it take to crush one

J0rdan S., Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:35 (ten years ago) link

those dudes are straight.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:35 (ten years ago) link

it, um, it takes something

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Thursday, 13 January 2011 06:39 (ten years ago) link

please post his safety word to thread

gr8080, Thursday, 13 January 2011 07:16 (ten years ago) link

Totes comfortable with this as long as he says 'oooh me plums' at some point.

― a can, a mla, a nmutua ― (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, January 13, 2011 6:31 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

Post of the year.

"jobs" (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 13 January 2011 09:59 (ten years ago) link

Enjoy this table. Also don't kill him - let him pay up first.

"jobs" (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 13 January 2011 10:00 (ten years ago) link

aren't there dudes who pay escorts to stomp on their balls w/ stiletto heels?

when i was at uni i had a friend who was a prostitute, and she had a client who just liked to have his chest stomped on while she wore stiletto heels. no sex, just stomping.

just1n3, Thursday, 13 January 2011 15:49 (ten years ago) link

Hacked into table's iTunes playlist "work":

Kris Kross
Van Halen
House of Pain
Pointer Sisters - too slow

like launch the globs and strands (Eazy), Friday, 14 January 2011 22:28 (ten years ago) link

i dont think i could do anything for 6-7 hours except websurf

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 22 January 2011 15:17 (ten years ago) link

mets doubleheader?

gr8080, Saturday, 22 January 2011 18:17 (ten years ago) link

i watched your preview, table - the music is kind of ominous!!!!!!!!

homosexual II, Saturday, 22 January 2011 19:41 (ten years ago) link

v peculiar aesthetic on that site. like one minute it's old-timey film projector sound effects and the next minute it's modem sounds.

gr8080, Saturday, 22 January 2011 19:51 (ten years ago) link

steampunk?

dark link (roxymuzak), Saturday, 22 January 2011 23:23 (ten years ago) link

steam powered modem

gr8080, Sunday, 23 January 2011 02:56 (ten years ago) link

http://steampunkworkshop.com/images/M19.jpg

dark link (roxymuzak), Sunday, 23 January 2011 03:34 (ten years ago) link

haha, yeah, it's kinda funny, Shine has a specific vision. tbf, the videos themselves don't have much sound. like in mine, it's mostly the squishing sound of skin and lube.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 05:53 (ten years ago) link

the sounds of squishing

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 05:53 (ten years ago) link

lol at your porn name

The Reverend, Tuesday, 25 January 2011 05:55 (ten years ago) link

did you stomp that guy yet or

gr8080, Tuesday, 25 January 2011 05:56 (ten years ago) link

stomping guy started tecting me 10 times a day and getting weird and i was like, "if you're acting possessive and not like a client and we haven't even met yet, then we're not meeting, sorry bloke"

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 06:02 (ten years ago) link

would def text w/ a guy 10 times a day for $3,000

gr8080, Tuesday, 25 January 2011 06:05 (ten years ago) link

if you saw these texts and the frequency, you would've been like "no" too, just trust me. i could really use the money (like really use the money) and i decided no. it was when he said he was 'worried' about me after we hadn't talked for two days that i was like, "you're not my friend, you're a fuckin guy who wants me to stomp on him and fuck him for money, get it straight." and he kept on with his weirdness. i can't stand that in lovers, much less in clients.

anyway.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 06:17 (ten years ago) link

Ha. "Bloke." Was your stomper persona British?

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 06:21 (ten years ago) link

xpost

tbh i was worried when you went a weekend w/o posting to this thread!!

like that you were locked in a dungeon somewhere in LA

gr8080, Tuesday, 25 January 2011 06:23 (ten years ago) link

Glad I'm not having to choose between bursting a feller's nuts and receiving his texts tbh.

Balls is significantly to the left of Brown (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 06:34 (ten years ago) link

i watched a lot of british tv this past weekend, i was ill. (for some reason, only reading and watching movies appeal to me anymore when i'm sick, ILX is too much).

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 06:38 (ten years ago) link

it really is

dark link (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 25 January 2011 17:10 (ten years ago) link

the preview is totally teal & orange.xls

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Thursday, 27 January 2011 23:11 (ten years ago) link

didn't travel with my enema bulb because going out was spur of the moment, and despite my best efforts to clean....

i ruined this guy's sheets.

that said, he was a bit...passionless. like, robotic. so in a way, i'm glad.

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Wednesday, 2 February 2011 18:36 (ten years ago) link

Oh no! Santorum!

The Reverend, Wednesday, 2 February 2011 18:50 (ten years ago) link

RIP ;_;

The Reverend, Wednesday, 2 February 2011 18:50 (ten years ago) link

he was one of those types who was like "yeah, you gonna cum? you gonna cum?" and i was like "dude, maybe if you stopped talking i would be able to"

tbf explicitly gay albums aren't quite as cultural (the table is the table), Wednesday, 2 February 2011 19:06 (ten years ago) link

I CANNOT STAND people who do that.

vienn?tta (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 2 February 2011 21:02 (ten years ago) link

ugh! yes

Jomanda Hugankiss (donna rouge), Wednesday, 2 February 2011 21:55 (ten years ago) link

some ppl get off on that -- it's sort of a dom thing no?

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 2 February 2011 21:56 (ten years ago) link

i can never tell if it's a dom thing or just desperation (or exasperation)

Jomanda Hugankiss (donna rouge), Wednesday, 2 February 2011 22:51 (ten years ago) link

or bad communication skills

sarahel, Wednesday, 2 February 2011 22:57 (ten years ago) link

w/ str8 dudes its usually fear of inadequacy fwiw

gr8080, Wednesday, 2 February 2011 23:45 (ten years ago) link

indeed

bouquet brigade (electricsound), Wednesday, 2 February 2011 23:52 (ten years ago) link

tru

Johnny Fever, Thursday, 3 February 2011 00:25 (ten years ago) link

god, IMPE guys who do that feel inexperienced/inadequte and think sex means acting like u are in a crappy porno

dark link (roxymuzak), Thursday, 3 February 2011 00:53 (ten years ago) link

"YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT?? YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YA."

dark link (roxymuzak), Thursday, 3 February 2011 00:54 (ten years ago) link

professional?

sarahel, Thursday, 3 February 2011 00:55 (ten years ago) link

Yeah, the one guy I had in mind basically acts like it's a porno every time we fuck, like "Yeah, you like that?" and all that shit. God, it's so dull. Also he refuses to take his shirt off and he keeps trying to have phone/chat sex with me.

vienn?tta (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 3 February 2011 00:55 (ten years ago) link

if anything coming out of yr mouth is not some variation on i feel awesome / you are awesome then u are doing it wrong

bouquet brigade (electricsound), Thursday, 3 February 2011 00:56 (ten years ago) link

^

i guess you are the fattest and the ugliest (Matt P), Thursday, 3 February 2011 00:57 (ten years ago) link

This thread is worth it for straight dudes just to see that some things are the same across sexes, and guys are just as ridiculous with other guys as they are with women.

w/no hesitation (mh), Thursday, 3 February 2011 01:00 (ten years ago) link

roxy otm

ENBB, Thursday, 3 February 2011 01:06 (ten years ago) link

roxy otm, when I am pretending I am in a crappy porno I yell all kinds of bullshit

w/no hesitation (mh), Thursday, 3 February 2011 01:12 (ten years ago) link

I hooked up with a guy a couple of times who I thought was saying either "oh yeh, son of a bitch" or "oh you son of a bitch." I finally figured out it was the latter.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 3 February 2011 01:16 (ten years ago) link

professional?

― sarahel, Wednesday, February 2, 2011 2:55 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

i loled

gr8080, Thursday, 3 February 2011 02:05 (ten years ago) link

if anything coming out of yr mouth is not some variation on i feel awesome / you are awesome then u are doing it wrong

as with most sweeping generalizations, presumptive and not true for all situations.

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 3 February 2011 02:25 (ten years ago) link

so lick my balls.

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 3 February 2011 02:26 (ten years ago) link

I really want to make a joke based on 'if anything coming out of your mouth is not jizz you're doing it wrong' but that would just be wrong (in more ways than one).

emil.y, Thursday, 3 February 2011 02:46 (ten years ago) link

when I first read that post I 1/2 expected it to say something to that effect

morbius otm about that not always being true

ENBB, Thursday, 3 February 2011 02:47 (ten years ago) link

yeah look whatever. was not intended to be gospel. for christ's sake.

bouquet brigade (electricsound), Thursday, 3 February 2011 02:49 (ten years ago) link

yes, sometimes "so, lick my balls" is the right thing to say

sarahel, Thursday, 3 February 2011 03:13 (ten years ago) link

This thread makes me think of that situation guys sometimes run into, the one where a girl is giving you head but not going down to suck on your nuts even though you'd really like her to. So you sheepishly ask, "could you suck my balls?" hoping she will, and then she does, but all you can think about is the sound of your own voice asking "could you suck my balls?".

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, December 1, 2004 10:05 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark

gr8080, Thursday, 3 February 2011 03:31 (ten years ago) link

lol I was looking for that post. Bryan sounds like he was getting head from girls who were doing it wrong. He's otm though. That or any variation thereof is maybe the worst sounding question ever. Best to make sure that it never has to be asked imo.

ENBB, Thursday, 3 February 2011 03:33 (ten years ago) link

using your mouth like a hand is the key to good head. massage, don't eat.

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 3 February 2011 03:36 (ten years ago) link

Wait, doing it right always involves sucking on nuts? I am missing out, here.

w/no hesitation (mh), Thursday, 3 February 2011 04:03 (ten years ago) link

haha, i was looking for that post too

dark link (roxymuzak), Thursday, 3 February 2011 05:09 (ten years ago) link

buzza's on vacation, i'm filling in.

gr8080, Thursday, 3 February 2011 05:29 (ten years ago) link

maybe you need to do it in a fake voice, like darth vader or something

sarahel, Thursday, 3 February 2011 08:51 (ten years ago) link

this is the biggest lol from The House Bunny imo:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWYsekCJdac

*suck my balls* [exorcist voice]

gr8080, Thursday, 3 February 2011 08:56 (ten years ago) link

are you drunk too grady?

sarahel, Thursday, 3 February 2011 08:57 (ten years ago) link

lol no

gr8080, Thursday, 3 February 2011 08:59 (ten years ago) link

are u a tranny chaser?

sarahel, Thursday, 3 February 2011 09:00 (ten years ago) link

i did have a cocktail about half an hour ago but i try and steer clear of the ILTMI gays thread when i'm intoxicated

gr8080, Thursday, 3 February 2011 09:00 (ten years ago) link

sarahel "tranny chaser" is KBP's tired old meme for me

gr8080, Thursday, 3 February 2011 09:00 (ten years ago) link

it's different for girls iirc

sarahel, Thursday, 3 February 2011 09:01 (ten years ago) link

She's a man, baby!

gr8080, Thursday, 3 February 2011 09:02 (ten years ago) link

My one concession to dirty talk: when someone's on the brink, direct eye contact, "DO IT. FUCKING DO IT." That tends to work quite well!

mike t-diva, Thursday, 3 February 2011 10:42 (ten years ago) link

i try and steer clear of the ILTMI gays thread when i'm intoxicated

oooooooooooh

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 3 February 2011 13:07 (ten years ago) link

haha

acid druthers temple (crüt), Thursday, 3 February 2011 13:10 (ten years ago) link

See also: Louie episode "Old."

A double shot of Sesame Street (Eazy), Thursday, 3 February 2011 15:43 (ten years ago) link

lol I was looking for that post. Bryan sounds like he was getting head from girls who were doing it wrong. He's otm though. That or any variation thereof is maybe the worst sounding question ever. Best to make sure that it never has to be asked imo.

― ENBB, Wednesday, February 2, 2011 9:33 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Strongly disagree.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 3 February 2011 18:40 (ten years ago) link

fwiw ever since table's shit-eater story i have read this thread title as "I Lost An Ass-Drop In His Cough Hole"

tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 3 February 2011 20:49 (ten years ago) link

loooooool

The Reverend, Thursday, 3 February 2011 21:18 (ten years ago) link

Jesse - which which part? That it's an awful sounding question?

ENBB, Thursday, 3 February 2011 21:38 (ten years ago) link

I just think "could you suck my balls" IN CONTEXT is totally acceptable and maybe sexy if said the right way. Though I would put it "will you suck my balls" or, in certain situations, "suck my balls." Also maybe disagree that it sounds like Bryan's girl was doing it wrong.

But I also totally see the comedy intended in the post quoted above.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 3 February 2011 21:45 (ten years ago) link

Some occasions call for "Willst du meinen Balls gehrsucken?"

A double shot of Sesame Street (Eazy), Thursday, 3 February 2011 21:53 (ten years ago) link

Idk to me it just sounds so ridiculous. Balls. It's a silly word for a fairly ridiculous body part. I only meant that it sounded like she was doing it wrong because generally I think it's better approach to . . . errr . . . at least incorporate them into the whole deal in some way than not to. I mean everyone's diff, of course, but I'm just saying that generally speaking I think including them is better than excluding when it comes to this sorta thing.

ENBB, Thursday, 3 February 2011 21:55 (ten years ago) link

x-post If they were asking in German they'd probably say Eier because iirc eggs is the common colloquialism.

ENBB, Thursday, 3 February 2011 21:57 (ten years ago) link

A request that echoed distractingly in my head included the qualifying phrase "for a second." That was a big mistake.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Thursday, 3 February 2011 22:01 (ten years ago) link

I keep thinking of the Louis C.K. sketch where he's talking about trying to ask his wife to lick her palm during a handjob, and how his inability to communicate this is misinterpreted.

w/no hesitation (mh), Thursday, 3 February 2011 22:17 (ten years ago) link

slap my sack

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Friday, 4 February 2011 01:59 (ten years ago) link

lol at correcting him on "Balls" but apparently gesucken is the correct verb. :D

totally small truffles (Abbbottt), Friday, 4 February 2011 05:35 (ten years ago) link

sorry, gehrsucken

totally small truffles (Abbbottt), Friday, 4 February 2011 05:36 (ten years ago) link

The important part is sounding like Christoph Waltz.

A double shot of Sesame Street (Eazy), Friday, 4 February 2011 06:22 (ten years ago) link

Meinen Eier heißen Lekkerland.

A double shot of Sesame Street (Eazy), Friday, 4 February 2011 06:25 (ten years ago) link

I thought gesucken had a nice ring. Hey if geflirted can be an actual word that's used today (which it is) then gesucken can too in my mind.

ENBB, Friday, 4 February 2011 12:35 (ten years ago) link

Rot ist Liebe,
schwarz ist das Loch.
Auch wenn es weh tut,
rein muss er doch.

Ficken, Bumsen, Blasen,
alles auf dem Rasen.

Ficken, Bumsen, Blasen,
auf dem schönen Rasen.
Und ist der Rasen nass,
macht es auch im Stehen Spaß.

mike t-diva, Friday, 4 February 2011 14:48 (ten years ago) link

its better than naw on my choad.

Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice (chrisv2010), Friday, 4 February 2011 16:59 (ten years ago) link

three weeks pass...

This made me laugh and I wanted to share it, but no one available ATM, so I hope someone here will enjoy it! Be sure to click View It In A Room.

http://www.regretsy.com/2011/02/25/view-it-in-a-room-nsfw-3/

NSFW, obv., but not very.

also, that Christmas tree has a dildo on its head (Jesse), Saturday, 26 February 2011 03:58 (ten years ago) link

ayo

banjee trillness (The Reverend), Saturday, 26 February 2011 07:10 (ten years ago) link

hello. yesterday i did a group blowjob/cum-eating scene with four other guys in an RV that was parked on a side alley in SF. i am somewhat surprised that i still qualify as 'twink.' think it's my face? i dunno.

anyway, it was fun, and soon enough, my cum-covered mouth will be on the back of a DVD in disgusting porn shops all over the land.

Claire Daynze in My So-Called Cum-Covered Mouth.

The all-jazz interpreter (Eazy), Wednesday, 2 March 2011 20:30 (ten years ago) link

Claire Gaynes, more like it, right?

sarahel, Wednesday, 2 March 2011 20:34 (ten years ago) link

Jizz Staynes

Fannypack's "Camel Toe" (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 2 March 2011 20:37 (ten years ago) link

Jordan Cuminmylano

Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 2 March 2011 21:07 (ten years ago) link

I very nearly posted "Cumallanyou"

corey, Wednesday, 2 March 2011 21:08 (ten years ago) link

i like want to vomit everything the world has ever eaten right now.

cool song

gr8080, Thursday, 3 March 2011 08:22 (ten years ago) link

"it's the meaning of life"

i actually just had another conniption fit listening to that song again.

no idea that it happened, somewhat disappointed, more shocked that i know all the lyrics to "exile in guyville"

wanted to post that to the rolling worst songs thread but its years old ;_;

Samuel (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 3 March 2011 11:20 (ten years ago) link

and when I asked

for some hot white cum

plax (ico ico) (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 3 March 2011 13:40 (ten years ago) link

More songs about buildings and cum

The all-jazz interpreter (Eazy), Friday, 4 March 2011 06:24 (ten years ago) link

oh cum lizphair faithful

kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 6 March 2011 15:49 (ten years ago) link

JOYFUL

I *FINALLY* learned what my ex-boyfriend's penile anomoly is called!! I have tried to describe and draw it for friends for years, but people's reactions of disgust always indicated that I wasn't accurately describing it. It's called a skin bridge (NSFW Wikipedia page) and it wasn't that weird, and it wasn't gross.

nobody wants my Diva Cup ;_; (Jesse), Friday, 25 March 2011 03:10 (ten years ago) link

I had a fuckmate last summer who had skin bridges. Yick.

corey, Friday, 25 March 2011 03:42 (ten years ago) link

YOWCH. It looks painful, mostly.

go peddle your bullshit somewhere else sister (Laurel), Friday, 25 March 2011 14:03 (ten years ago) link

It wasn't gross or painful to him. Or to me. I did often have intrusive, unwelcome fantasies about snipping it with nail scissors. a;wesjkfaqfnowi

nobody wants my Diva Cup ;_; (Jesse), Friday, 25 March 2011 14:27 (ten years ago) link

Yes, I would have the same. Especially just reading on wiki that it's usually an accidental side-effect of circumcision -- the little skin tags feel like an unfinished project = they must go.

go peddle your bullshit somewhere else sister (Laurel), Friday, 25 March 2011 16:10 (ten years ago) link

An uninsured friend who sometimes gets tiny skin tags on one of his eyelids told me and friends that he has cut them off with nail clippers. I am dying at my desk just thinking about that!

nobody wants my Diva Cup ;_; (Jesse), Friday, 25 March 2011 16:12 (ten years ago) link

i have clipped off a skin tag -- but not on my eyelid, though, ye gads

tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Friday, 25 March 2011 16:22 (ten years ago) link

I've been considering home tattoo removal for years, and more seriously of late. A friend is getting one of hers lasered off, and it's very painful, so I think my home methods on this small tattoo would be no worse. Considering buying chemical peel ingredients off of Amazon and also some abrasion...

nobody wants my Diva Cup ;_; (Jesse), Friday, 25 March 2011 16:43 (ten years ago) link

The Skinbridges of Madison County

Magnum PI and Fashion-Forward Dudes (Eazy), Friday, 25 March 2011 20:02 (ten years ago) link

it's like freddy krueger's cock!

homosexual II, Sunday, 27 March 2011 00:49 (ten years ago) link

not clicking on wiki link

your generation appalls me (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 27 March 2011 01:40 (ten years ago) link

i live for cock, and some of those dicks i wouldn't get near.

bun fun times infinity (the table is the table), Sunday, 27 March 2011 04:20 (ten years ago) link

It's really, really not bad. My ex's dingaling was almost identical to the wikipedia one and I didn't even notice at first.

nobody wants my Diva Cup ;_; (Jesse), Sunday, 27 March 2011 21:23 (ten years ago) link

jesse, please just don't ever use the term 'dingaling' ever, ever again. it's like calling a vagina 'cha-cha.'

bun fun times infinity (the table is the table), Tuesday, 29 March 2011 09:00 (ten years ago) link

notice that i used three 'ever's in that first sentence. i mean business.

bun fun times infinity (the table is the table), Tuesday, 29 March 2011 09:00 (ten years ago) link

Haha. I know that! I was using that term for ridiculousness. I also considered "peepee."

nobody wants my Diva Cup ;_; (Jesse), Tuesday, 29 March 2011 11:46 (ten years ago) link

"I SAID VAGINA HEELS! BLACK ONES!"

mink della reese (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 29 March 2011 12:56 (ten years ago) link

Lol.

nobody wants my Diva Cup ;_; (Jesse), Tuesday, 29 March 2011 13:00 (ten years ago) link

i prefer the term 'tweety' for vagina, thx

tangelo amour (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 29 March 2011 13:07 (ten years ago) link

'crumpet'

James Woods, Hysterical Realism (Eazy), Tuesday, 29 March 2011 18:20 (ten years ago) link

one month passes...

it's been more than a month? i've been BUSY.

SO MANY DICKS IN MY MOUTH.

MY NIPPLES FEEL LIKE THEY'RE ABOUT TO FALL OFF.

I'M IN LOVE.

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 07:52 (ten years ago) link

<3

i think

popular gay automobile (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 08:27 (ten years ago) link

you should get the nipple thing checked

naches supreme (donna rouge), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 15:14 (ten years ago) link

well, i'm in love with this boy who is really really into my nipples. i've never had to scream 'mercy' during sex, and the other night, he was working the nips so hard i had to. i mean, i like it. a lot. but they're tender to the touch for days after we see each other....

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 16:51 (ten years ago) link

I really can't stand having my nipples played with (although I do appreciate more incidental touch).

jho'sh? "ice cr?m" jackson (The Reverend), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 16:52 (ten years ago) link

i really can't stand having my nipples nearly bitten off

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 18 May 2011 16:58 (ten years ago) link

i don't like when dudes are rough with it

naches supreme (donna rouge), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 17:01 (ten years ago) link

oh. well, more TMI: as i've gotten more 'experienced,' i've found that the things that set me off are less than vanilla. in other words: smack my ass, pull my hair, twist/bite my nipples, nibble my ears...and fucking kiss me. no BJ does the work that those things do, for me at least.

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 17:25 (ten years ago) link

Tabes, is either him or you into nipple clamps?

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 18 May 2011 17:27 (ten years ago) link

table's enthusiasm kinda makes me want to cuteselsior him but that would not work out well.

WHO THE FUCK READS THE (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 17:29 (ten years ago) link

hahaha

christine, i'd be into it. we don't have a pair, but given his propensity for jacking things (ie- lifting goods from stores), i'm sure that sitch could be worked out.

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 18:30 (ten years ago) link

I like having my nips nearly bitten off. Nipples are really tough - I've bitten others' so hard that I was genuinely worried that I would come away with nip in my mouth.

a giant and leaky bag of mayhem (Jesse), Thursday, 19 May 2011 01:36 (ten years ago) link

board description

百万个叉烧包 (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 19 May 2011 01:37 (ten years ago) link

Man AA, I feel weird that you've read both of my last couple of posts. I need to shape up and post nicely for a while.

a giant and leaky bag of mayhem (Jesse), Thursday, 19 May 2011 01:39 (ten years ago) link

haha it's cool

百万个叉烧包 (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 19 May 2011 01:44 (ten years ago) link

One of the only things I can contribute to this thread: I've bled from a nip.

scissorlocks and the three bears (Eric H.), Thursday, 19 May 2011 01:46 (ten years ago) link

Due to sexual acts or from chafing during running?

a giant and leaky bag of mayhem (Jesse), Thursday, 19 May 2011 01:48 (ten years ago) link

I don't respond well to more than delicate aureolar pressure.

I'M IN LOVE.

is it Wednesday again?

the gay bloggers are onto the faggot tweets (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 19 May 2011 02:00 (ten years ago) link

I never run.

scissorlocks and the three bears (Eric H.), Thursday, 19 May 2011 02:01 (ten years ago) link

So either this was a sexual injury or you were reenacting the scene from Jackass with the cayman.

a giant and leaky bag of mayhem (Jesse), Thursday, 19 May 2011 02:36 (ten years ago) link

Man, I sort of wish it had been the latter. But no, someone just clamped down too hard.

scissorlocks and the three bears (Eric H.), Thursday, 19 May 2011 04:38 (ten years ago) link

morbz, i haven't said 'i'm in love' on any board since...uh...well, last year? just sayin', can't make digs at me if you can't back them up.

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Thursday, 19 May 2011 17:50 (ten years ago) link

Morbs' digs are not related to facts; often they're not even related to the context in which they're stated.

a giant and leaky bag of mayhem (Jesse), Thursday, 19 May 2011 18:18 (ten years ago) link

Actually sorta surprising that the dig didn't include ludicrous false equivalencies re Bam, Madeline Albright, strident lesbians liberal youth, and members of the Bush administration.

a giant and leaky bag of mayhem (Jesse), Thursday, 19 May 2011 18:21 (ten years ago) link

i read it as an affectionate jab?

naches supreme (donna rouge), Thursday, 19 May 2011 18:23 (ten years ago) link

affectionate jabs only work if there's some element of truth to them. my carefree 'let's fuck' nature has nothing to do with how much i'm in love with this boy.

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Thursday, 19 May 2011 20:58 (ten years ago) link

i mean, even though our relationship started that way ;)

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Thursday, 19 May 2011 20:58 (ten years ago) link

TWO WORDS: ROAD HEAD. i don't think i've ever done something so incredibly hot and incredibly dangerous. (i was driving).

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Wednesday, 25 May 2011 14:33 (ten years ago) link

wait - you've shit on a guy's face for money but had never received road head?

and you are a part of everything and everything is like melting (ytth), Wednesday, 25 May 2011 16:19 (ten years ago) link

^^ new board description

semi-ironic 'faggot' (Alex in Montreal), Wednesday, 25 May 2011 16:34 (ten years ago) link

Next is road scat.

Jesse, Wednesday, 25 May 2011 18:56 (ten years ago) link

tabes, every time I turn around it's breakfast... I thought it was earlier this year you were maybe moving to Brooklyn for somebody, maybe it was 2010. You just declare love a lot compared to my rate (ie, not so far).

the gay bloggers are onto the faggot tweets (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 1 June 2011 00:46 (ten years ago) link

oh morbz, but the world is DYNAMIC and everything is always changing, including our emotions.

brooklyn is not in the cards for the near future, btw.

whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Wednesday, 1 June 2011 21:54 (ten years ago) link

one month passes...

I'm not into twinks and I'm not into incest, but.....

http://dlisted.com/files/biebertat1.jpg

weakness for Cinnabon; rampant heterosexuality (Je55e), Tuesday, 26 July 2011 20:53 (ten years ago) link

Ewww.

third-generation stripper (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 July 2011 20:54 (ten years ago) link

But, hey, I've been contemplating finding the wannabe-hipster Jonas brother hot lately.

third-generation stripper (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 July 2011 20:55 (ten years ago) link

I do have a history with guys like Daddy Beebz, so I guess that makes sense.

weakness for Cinnabon; rampant heterosexuality (Je55e), Tuesday, 26 July 2011 20:58 (ten years ago) link

He just looks like he'd be dirty.

weakness for Cinnabon; rampant heterosexuality (Je55e), Tuesday, 26 July 2011 20:58 (ten years ago) link

This is the split collar weight I was talking about

http://www.ruland.com/images/Collars_group_wQC.jpg

weakness for Cinnabon; rampant heterosexuality (Je55e), Thursday, 28 July 2011 13:43 (ten years ago) link

three weeks pass...

LOL at this ad on xtube

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/6467/ilex.jpg

jed_, Friday, 19 August 2011 04:47 (ten years ago) link

Image removed. What was it ?

weakness for Cinnabon; rampant heterosexuality (Je55e), Friday, 19 August 2011 18:07 (ten years ago) link

Picture of dudes fucking with "I LOVE EVERYTHING" as the title.

Somewhere between Fergie and Jesus (Alex in Montreal), Friday, 19 August 2011 18:25 (ten years ago) link

haha

J0rdan S., Friday, 19 August 2011 18:28 (ten years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Sounding: C/D?

Table, I'd imagine you've tried this, right?

I don't know what that is.

hey, I went to the Gay Bar wearing a baseball t shirt with an anthropomorphic CRAB on it.

and yet, I found, the resident Hot Mess asking me "When's the last time you had a blowjob?"

and 5 minutes later, he was giving me one.

you never know.

incredibly middlebrow (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 3 September 2011 08:26 (ten years ago) link

Nice!

The-Dreams That Money Can Buy (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 3 September 2011 08:49 (ten years ago) link

Haha "resident Hot Mess." Actual audible chuckle.

Sounding is formerly a medical procedure in which the urethra is sounded with a steel probe. It was a treatment for the clap, and actually now that I think of it, it is still a treatment for constricted urethras.

Sounding always kinda freaked me out. Ugh also I have had ZERO desire to engage in any TMI-worthy behavior for the past two weeks. I think I overdid it in Anacortes/Olympia/Portland/SF/LA/Vegas.

The-Dreams That Money Can Buy (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 3 September 2011 18:41 (ten years ago) link

Have you done sounding, Stevie?

I have and it is sort of horrifying, but really amazing.

Let me tell you something: the first pee after sounding is A W F U L.

i cannot for the life of me imagine EVER wanting to do that

zsa zsa and digweed (donna rouge), Saturday, 3 September 2011 18:56 (ten years ago) link

like it's bad enough if a stray pube gets caught up there

zsa zsa and digweed (donna rouge), Saturday, 3 September 2011 18:56 (ten years ago) link

Hoe big did you go? Coffee stirrer sized? Pencil? Carrot?

The-Dreams That Money Can Buy (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 3 September 2011 18:56 (ten years ago) link

Thinner than a pencil.

Stray pubes?? They get caught up there?

It feels sort of like an orgasm. And it does not hurt. The bad part is 99% mental and .5% peeing afterward.

the name "sounding" makes me imagine there's a little tuning fork at the other end

delmar dillinger (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 3 September 2011 19:28 (ten years ago) link

MAN. My neighborhood. It's a non-stop parade of hot, hot men. It's a little distracting. And being halfway btwn the gym 2 blocks away on one side and the beach on the other side, a lot of guys wear no shirts and/or nylon basketball shorts, which are extremely revealing.

Oops xp.

I'm not sure what's up with my libido over the last week, but I am about to die of ardor.

It's 90º outside, I'm having the same problem.

corey, Saturday, 3 September 2011 20:24 (ten years ago) link

Having been catheterized once, if anyone ever tries to stick anything up there again, I'm sticking a chainsaw up theirs.

swagliacci (The Reverend), Sunday, 4 September 2011 00:45 (ten years ago) link

I was at a party where a guy said that the first time he was catheterized he wanted to marry the nurse who did it to him.

I was only catheterized once, by the doctor (gastroenterologist) I was dating, and it didn't go well. You would think an MD - especially a GI doc - would know how to insert a catheter! But b/c I was sitting when he did it, my urinary tract didn't allow the tube to pass through, and it hurt like a motherfucker and I bled a little.

Corey, how does the temperature affect your libido?

Having been catheterized once, if anyone ever tries to stick anything up there again, I'm sticking a chainsaw up theirs.

This.

The-Dreams That Money Can Buy (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 4 September 2011 05:31 (ten years ago) link

wish I wasn't such a bastard to the best ever 7 am catheter story that that belongs to a pretty good movie that was never made

wolves lacan, Sunday, 4 September 2011 08:28 (ten years ago) link

ok guys, let me know when this topic has passed

incredibly middlebrow (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 4 September 2011 09:58 (ten years ago) link

will do.

 (gr8080), Sunday, 4 September 2011 12:44 (ten years ago) link

god the one time I click on the gay thread it's about SOUNDING

dayo, Sunday, 4 September 2011 14:06 (ten years ago) link

i just want to figure out why it is called SOUNDING

do you shove yr headphone lead up there?

FYI the gynecological tool that measures the depth of the uterus is also called a sound. And taking a depth reading at sea is called a sounding.

the wheelie-suitcase of the sky plus WITH SPIKED BARBS (Laurel), Monday, 5 September 2011 15:31 (ten years ago) link

In case that helps.

the wheelie-suitcase of the sky plus WITH SPIKED BARBS (Laurel), Monday, 5 September 2011 15:31 (ten years ago) link

the out sound from way in

morb derp (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 5 September 2011 15:54 (ten years ago) link

Yes, think "sounding the depths."

If you look up "sounding" on X-tube (gay or straight) you will be, to continue the maritime-ish theme, a wiser and sadder man. Especially if you find one in which someone shoves an albatross up there.

The worst thing I've seen on xtube is people shaking up bottles of beer (open, with their thumb over the top) and then shoving the necks into each other's asses

The-Dreams That Money Can Buy (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 5 September 2011 17:23 (ten years ago) link

is 'davey jones's locker' a euphemism yet? well it should be.

dayo, Monday, 5 September 2011 17:23 (ten years ago) link

and then shoving the necks into each other's asses

nummy num kraut jizz goodness

morb derp (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 5 September 2011 17:39 (ten years ago) link

The worst thing I've seen on xtube is people shaking up bottles of beer (open, with their thumb over the top) and then shoving the necks into each other's asses

― The-Dreams That Money Can Buy (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, September 5, 2011 10:23 AM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark

i was worried this was going to read "into each other's urethras"

puerile fantasies (Matt P), Monday, 5 September 2011 17:49 (ten years ago) link

i mean, i know that's not possible, but anything is possible really. *sighs*

puerile fantasies (Matt P), Monday, 5 September 2011 17:54 (ten years ago) link

It's just this explosion of beer foam and dudes moaning and screaming really loudly

The-Dreams That Money Can Buy (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 5 September 2011 18:17 (ten years ago) link

OK, the Tea Party is right about YOU PEOPLE

incredibly middlebrow (Dr Morbius), Monday, 5 September 2011 18:18 (ten years ago) link

It's just this explosion of beer foam and dudes moaning and screaming really loudly

― The-Dreams That Money Can Buy (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, September 5, 2011 11:17 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark

god, the smell. these days most fetishes make me laugh for a sec then make me kinda sad, idk

puerile fantasies (Matt P), Monday, 5 September 2011 18:25 (ten years ago) link

i mean some are sadder than others i guess

puerile fantasies (Matt P), Monday, 5 September 2011 18:25 (ten years ago) link

OK, the Tea Party is right about YOU PEOPLE

I thought that's what made us great?

Gus Van Sant's Gerry Blank (Eric H.), Monday, 5 September 2011 18:29 (ten years ago) link

oh man if only i could post that to

lol... in my excelsior

dying over here.

je55e, i've never done sounding. some cbt and i wear my cockring as a bracelet (never know when you might need a cockring), but nothing in my urethra...not terribly interested, surprisingly, cuz hey, i like holes.

nummy num kraut jizz goodness (the table is the table), Sunday, 11 September 2011 05:18 (ten years ago) link

omg no why

Sandra Bullock violently stabbing a TV dinner (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 15 September 2011 05:58 (ten years ago) link

Are they recyclable?

Man, I could have been keeping this thread in SNA for like the past two months if I was feeling dishy but I am sorta tempted to spill my recent late-night Greyhound encounter bcz of how brazen it was.

Sandra Bullock violently stabbing a TV dinner (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 19 September 2011 23:06 (ten years ago) link

spill, coy boy

the *facepalm* at the trend of the hivemind (donna rouge), Monday, 19 September 2011 23:17 (ten years ago) link

I need every juicy detail.

sasha and maliaweed (The Reverend), Tuesday, 20 September 2011 01:05 (ten years ago) link

je55e i have a vga-to-rca converter that is absolutely terrible and might negate the whole point of having an HDTV
but it must be very very cheap right now. (i see a sketchy-looking one on ebay for about $15)
However there are also $2 cables if your vaio can output TV-out through VGA.
plus the streaming contract w/starz is expiring in february which means the streaming content is going to get worse in a big way
The story last week about the subscriber drop had a venn diagram of stream/mail/both. I'll see if I can find it.

Je55e, Tuesday, 20 September 2011 04:20 (ten years ago) link

Lolololo fuck! Hahaha. Fucking Zing Touch. Apparently I have been hitting the quote button a lot.

Je55e, Tuesday, 20 September 2011 04:22 (ten years ago) link

All in the Netflix thread. Sorry. I was going to say something but I forgot. Damn errant flailing thumb.

Je55e, Tuesday, 20 September 2011 04:23 (ten years ago) link

Anyway, yes, tell all, Stevie.

Je55e, Tuesday, 20 September 2011 04:23 (ten years ago) link

Its really not THAT outrageous.

It was an overnight bus from ATL to Raleigh. We had a half-hour layover in Charlotte, and I'd been on Grindr chatting with a friend when I get a new message from someone asking if I was at the Greyhound station. It from some guy who is not only also at the station but apparently taking the same bus as well, and when we reboard he winds up walking right past me without noticing and sits about two seats back and across the aisle. He was 30something, clean shaven, blue Abercrombie shirt and grey gym shorts. Totally not my type, but he had a pretty cute face. Anyway, I can see him but he can't really see me (it's pitch dark). We're chatting for a bit and then he says "come sit next to me, I wanna trade handjobs". I was kinda wiped and not all that horny, but I'd have felt like a fool turning down such a thrilling opportunity. There's a person sitting across the aisle from him, and while there wasn't anyone across from me, there were people immediately in front of and behind me. This seemed like a better idea, so he came over, whispered something like "what's up", and then pulled out his dick, and then pulled out mine. So then we spend the next 15 minutes jerking each other off as discreetly as two men can sitting next to each other on a pitch dark bus at 3am with a few other people around. I finish, he finishes, he wipes up and goes and sits back down. And that was that.

Sandra Bullock violently stabbing a TV dinner (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 20 September 2011 15:42 (ten years ago) link

And in the spirit of the board, I will share with you all that a bit got on the front of my jeans, and it was pretty damn noticeable, and so I had it worked out that if anyone saw it I'd be all "oh hah I spilled a milkshake on my lap, but it totally looks like jizz or something, doesn't it"

Sandra Bullock violently stabbing a TV dinner (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 20 September 2011 16:47 (ten years ago) link

Wow.

sasha and maliaweed (The Reverend), Tuesday, 20 September 2011 18:21 (ten years ago) link

assuming you washed yr metaphorical hands, i'd totally reach over the sea to high five you right now

Ravaging Rick Rude (a hoy hoy), Tuesday, 20 September 2011 21:06 (ten years ago) link

*aroused*

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Tuesday, 20 September 2011 22:26 (ten years ago) link

*aroused*

look out honey, 'cause I'm using ayo technology (crüt), Wednesday, 21 September 2011 02:13 (ten years ago) link

^ can this be the new excelsior?

look out honey, 'cause I'm using ayo technology (crüt), Wednesday, 21 September 2011 02:14 (ten years ago) link

lol whiney

sasha and maliaweed (The Reverend), Wednesday, 21 September 2011 03:25 (ten years ago) link

we're done w/ catheter talk, now?

haven't seen the babe who blew me in the bar john since.

incredibly middlebrow (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 21 September 2011 03:37 (ten years ago) link

four weeks pass...

I have a craving for some anal sex both ways.

Je55e, Thursday, 20 October 2011 01:59 (ten years ago) link

word

turfin' bird (The Reverend), Thursday, 20 October 2011 08:00 (ten years ago) link

Not saying I'm horny, even.
Just a craving.

Je55e, Thursday, 20 October 2011 13:32 (ten years ago) link

Hi.

lumber up, limbaugh down (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 21 October 2011 02:14 (ten years ago) link

just one way for me. not craving either.

Dr Morbois de Bologne (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 30 October 2011 13:18 (nine years ago) link

holiday craving happily satisfied in BedStuy, and he wasnt even a veteran.

Dr Morbois de Bologne (Dr Morbius), Friday, 11 November 2011 21:26 (nine years ago) link

!

Virginia Plain, Friday, 11 November 2011 21:41 (nine years ago) link

I've been craving women ever since my libido came back last week. (Anal sex--with dildos, I guess--optional.)

Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Saturday, 12 November 2011 05:00 (nine years ago) link

VP, DON'T LOOK AT THIS THREAD

Dr Morbois de Bologne (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 12 November 2011 06:06 (nine years ago) link

Ahaha, how else to internet stalk you?

Virginia Plain, Saturday, 12 November 2011 15:18 (nine years ago) link

/restrainingorder

Dr Morbois de Bologne (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 12 November 2011 20:39 (nine years ago) link

You don't let me have any fun.

Virginia Plain, Saturday, 12 November 2011 23:59 (nine years ago) link

five months pass...

My balls taste funny tonight.

People aren't for comparing, they are for loving. (Je55e), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 03:16 (nine years ago) link

How does one know that? Besides being informed by someone else. Are you that flexible?

Somewhere between Fergie and Jesus (Alex in Montreal), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 03:30 (nine years ago) link

Sorry. Meant to type that into WebMD.

People aren't for comparing, they are for loving. (Je55e), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 03:34 (nine years ago) link

I swear, you've been drunk posting every night this week.

jungleous butterflies strange birds (Eric H.), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 03:34 (nine years ago) link

I'm not drunk, nor have I been in well over a week!

People aren't for comparing, they are for loving. (Je55e), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 03:36 (nine years ago) link

Oh, well, then continue tasting your balls.

jungleous butterflies strange birds (Eric H.), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 03:39 (nine years ago) link

"im inviting u to enjoy the flavour of yr balls"

real 69 for my sham friends (electricsound), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 03:42 (nine years ago) link

I just searched ILX for "my pussy is on fire" b/c I remember posting that once in June, 2006 and I'm horrified that most of the top results are in posts I made. It was funny for a second but then it got weird.

And now I'll throw one more flaming pussy post on that pile.

People aren't for comparing, they are for loving. (Je55e), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 03:42 (nine years ago) link

lol jim

hologram ned raggett (The Reverend), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 07:33 (nine years ago) link

worst revive ever

♆ (gr8080), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 17:41 (nine years ago) link

eight months pass...

A few weeks ago I slept with one guy on Sunday and another guy on Monday and then both of the guys at the same time on Tuesday; how does that even happen?

jawn valjawn (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 18 December 2012 05:21 (eight years ago) link

Like I saw Ted Leo play for 2h in a basement and then went over my friends house and had a threesome and cuddled all night (not w/ Ted though). Can you have a better night than that?

jawn valjawn (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 18 December 2012 05:22 (eight years ago) link

Yes, if you get Ted to join in?

The Reverend, Tuesday, 18 December 2012 11:15 (eight years ago) link

suddenly feeling attracted to Ted Leo

you, your max is on fire (flamboyant goon tie included), Tuesday, 18 December 2012 13:12 (eight years ago) link

Okay listen, I know this sounds like braggin '012 or some shit but for real I have this predicament where I am starting to get into, like, really rough and intense piggish fucking which is all fine and dandy except that I have a v dear roommate who lives directly above me (not that it's awkward so much as it's rude to make loud noises after, say, 12am). I am trying to combat this (playing music, trying to be quiet, etc) but it's not working as thoroughly as it needs to and I would like to field advice/tips/suggestions on how to keep quiet during things like this, or if the answer is simply "you don't."

nicki mINOJ (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 24 December 2012 06:03 (eight years ago) link

My advice is the opposite: you just do it... If you're talking about voices that get too loud, just switch to stage whispers. Or get into sock gags.

(*・_・)ノ⌒ ☆ (Je55e), Monday, 24 December 2012 16:29 (eight years ago) link

yeah a gag seems like it may be a good idea

my TMI news is i had a fucking breakthrough the other day - like, it actually felt really awesome and not super-uncomfortable for once! whole new avenues opening up my butt

curly moe shempsen (donna rouge), Monday, 24 December 2012 17:13 (eight years ago) link

Regular anal or....?

(*・_・)ノ⌒ ☆ (Je55e), Monday, 24 December 2012 17:32 (eight years ago) link

well tbf this was just using a sex toy. but i'm much less skittish about the real thing now

curly moe shempsen (donna rouge), Monday, 24 December 2012 17:33 (eight years ago) link

I saw a video of two younger guys, in what I think was an amateur video, fisting, and I was like, Weird, this actually seems really intimate and sweet.

(*・_・)ノ⌒ ☆ (Je55e), Monday, 24 December 2012 17:34 (eight years ago) link

whole new avenues opening up my butt

pave 'em girl!

nicki mINOJ (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 24 December 2012 23:21 (eight years ago) link

four months pass...

i got drunk and pissed in some guy's mouth last night

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 4 May 2013 23:44 (eight years ago) link

i have never done that before

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 4 May 2013 23:44 (eight years ago) link

did he like it

J0rdan S., Saturday, 4 May 2013 23:46 (eight years ago) link

do piss people swallow piss or kinda swish it around and spit it out

J0rdan S., Saturday, 4 May 2013 23:46 (eight years ago) link

well i was peeing a *lot* so it was like swallowing but then like spitting out the overflow

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 4 May 2013 23:57 (eight years ago) link

and yeah he was the one who suggested it! Like we got to his bedroom and i pushed him on the bed and straddled him and was all "i'm gonna pee on your face" like just being a goofball and he was like "you want to?" and i was like "uh... okay!"

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 4 May 2013 23:58 (eight years ago) link

hahaha

did you have a boner at this point

J0rdan S., Saturday, 4 May 2013 23:58 (eight years ago) link

total boner

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 5 May 2013 00:01 (eight years ago) link

so weird

J0rdan S., Sunday, 5 May 2013 00:02 (eight years ago) link

i mean, at having to piss (on someone) while hard

J0rdan S., Sunday, 5 May 2013 00:02 (eight years ago) link

it p much a blowjob with peeing and it felt *rly* awesome

i mean i didn't have to i suppose but i chose to

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 5 May 2013 00:03 (eight years ago) link

peeing while drunk does feel good so i feel you

J0rdan S., Sunday, 5 May 2013 00:04 (eight years ago) link

this makes me wonder if i'm into peeing on ppl bcz tbh i've never done it outside of, like, endearingly pissing on someone's leg in the shower

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 5 May 2013 00:05 (eight years ago) link

pee play in the shower is rad

clouds, Sunday, 5 May 2013 00:15 (eight years ago) link

i'm a fucking nun, apparently

Pope Rusty I (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 5 May 2013 00:39 (eight years ago) link

i've done this before, but i bet it is far more fun as a dude because you can aim better.

homosexual II, Sunday, 5 May 2013 02:17 (eight years ago) link

receiving is awesome

groovy replacement (electricsound), Sunday, 5 May 2013 02:54 (eight years ago) link

I think if someone peed on me it would be their last piss ever.

Fred by Durst (The Reverend), Sunday, 5 May 2013 04:06 (eight years ago) link

having to piss (on someone) while hard

this is really tough fyi

or maybe it just is for me idk

Salt Mama Celeste (donna rouge), Sunday, 5 May 2013 04:24 (eight years ago) link

It's not when you don't have to bend down to aim

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 5 May 2013 04:36 (eight years ago) link

Like you can pee out of your boner w ease if yr not trying to move or bend it

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 5 May 2013 04:37 (eight years ago) link

top picture = superman that ho

ho = toilet

Fred by Durst (The Reverend), Monday, 6 May 2013 04:35 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

I was gonna make baked ziti tonight but my friend wants me to come over and pee in his mouth

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:19 (eight years ago) link

a different friend

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:20 (eight years ago) link

which one should I do

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:20 (eight years ago) link

Bake the ziti, use your own bathroom.

A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:23 (eight years ago) link

book both and turn it into a hilarious "mrs. doubtfire"-style rushing-back-and-forth comedy of errors (also dress as kindly old british woman for one of them) (your call)

Salt Mama Celeste (donna rouge), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:26 (eight years ago) link

bake ziti, pee on it, then eat it with your friend

ḉrut (crüt), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:27 (eight years ago) link

baked peeti

veryupsetmom (harbl), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:32 (eight years ago) link

can't invite him over bcz my roommate has a bad history w/ him from years ago and also he'd prob get mad if I peed on someone in our shower

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:37 (eight years ago) link

I would too!

A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 23:37 (eight years ago) link

I was gonna make baked ziti tonight but my friend wants me to come over and pee in his mouth

it's only may but this is already post of the year

the Quim of Bendigo (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 00:40 (eight years ago) link

otm

the display names will fall like rain (Matt P), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 00:42 (eight years ago) link

so it winds up that his roommate is home, and by the time we realized we had to reschedule it was too late to make baked ziti, so now I have nothing ;_;

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 00:54 (eight years ago) link

you got greedy, stevie.

乒乓, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 00:55 (eight years ago) link

it's never too late for ziti, and you'll no doubt get the urge to pee.

A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 00:55 (eight years ago) link

I have to be at karaoke at 9:30 to sing Janet Jackson with my (other non-pee) friends

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 01:03 (eight years ago) link

dying @ (non-pee) friends

veryupsetmom (harbl), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 01:44 (eight years ago) link

so you were gonna pee and split eh?

mookieproof, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 01:50 (eight years ago) link

Edit.

the Quim of Bendigo (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 02:00 (eight years ago) link

yo this rap is baked ziti
facin' me real tv
piss on a friend
strawberry kiwi

MIGUEL 3D: THEY FLY @ U FACE (The Reverend), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 03:25 (eight years ago) link

What have you done for pee lately?

Not Simone Choule (Eric H.), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 03:42 (eight years ago) link

miss you not much

the Quim of Bendigo (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 03:46 (eight years ago) link

piss you much

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 05:06 (eight years ago) link

Nasty.

Not Simone Choule (Eric H.), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 05:06 (eight years ago) link

Was there going to be other activities besides pissing in his mouth? I would never pass up eating for anything. Except maybe an orgasm.

homosexual II, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 16:57 (eight years ago) link

well I mean yeah we were gonna fuck too

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:02 (eight years ago) link

It'd be kinda boring if I just went over for 15 minutes to pee in his mouth and maybe make like 5 minutes of polite small talk and then leave.

siouxsan sarandon (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:03 (eight years ago) link

two months pass...

so like what is the most tmi thing a person could post here w/o crossing a line or embarrassing himself?

dale cthulhu (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 11 August 2013 00:08 (eight years ago) link

Celibacy.

Boven is het stil (Eric H.), Sunday, 11 August 2013 05:27 (eight years ago) link

I got some vitamin d last nite

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Sunday, 11 August 2013 16:16 (eight years ago) link

OMG REV

dale cthulhu (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 11 August 2013 22:30 (eight years ago) link

Oh wait I mistook "d" for "p"

dale cthulhu (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 11 August 2013 22:30 (eight years ago) link

ha, I'm not sure how that changes anything

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Sunday, 11 August 2013 22:52 (eight years ago) link

!!!!

dale cthulhu (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 11 August 2013 22:58 (eight years ago) link

"vitamin p" would've been one of the worst puns of all time

J0rdan S., Sunday, 11 August 2013 23:22 (eight years ago) link

Vitamin D is so good for the skin.

first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 11 August 2013 23:58 (eight years ago) link

whoa, no not that kind of vitamin p, I thought you meant p for penis

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Monday, 12 August 2013 01:04 (eight years ago) link

They say that kind of vitamin p is good for the skin.

Boven is het stil (Eric H.), Monday, 12 August 2013 01:25 (eight years ago) link

Remind me to tell you about the time I looked into the heart of an artichoke.

first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 12 August 2013 01:29 (eight years ago) link

Why yes, I WILL have a milkshake, thanks!

Boven is het stil (Eric H.), Monday, 12 August 2013 01:30 (eight years ago) link

Very dry.

first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 12 August 2013 01:32 (eight years ago) link

I am covered in bite marks and my right nipple feels like it's about to fall off

dale cthulhu (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 15 August 2013 04:24 (eight years ago) link

like i can't even rly move my right arm w/o my nipple hurting

dale cthulhu (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 15 August 2013 04:24 (eight years ago) link

awww poor thing

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Thursday, 15 August 2013 06:13 (eight years ago) link

jklg;fadsjladfjifradkfriadjrfajirgjijfigdjigfd;jk;fgdjjk;lfdkjlgdfjlk;fgdgafdjsj;lkfdsa;fadsjfadsjkfadjraj;fj;fasj;ldsfj

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Monday, 19 August 2013 08:11 (eight years ago) link

I don't even think what happened today was real.

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Monday, 19 August 2013 08:12 (eight years ago) link

Wow. I'm not even sure I want to talk about it here.

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Monday, 19 August 2013 08:16 (eight years ago) link

listen, you guys need to get it together in this thread. over the last week or so there's been a lot of vague hints at TMI but not a lot of TMI. i need you to be a lot more explicit.

dylannn, Monday, 19 August 2013 08:35 (eight years ago) link

ok, so I met a dude who looks vaguely like Minnie Riperton and clawed his fingernails my frenulum for several hours while his mom was watching tv in the next room ¯\(°_o)/¯

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Monday, 19 August 2013 09:49 (eight years ago) link

I had to look up "frenulum."

I suppose it's another way of 'loving you.'

first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 19 August 2013 11:53 (eight years ago) link

I guess what I was trying to say is I was on the receiving end of my first real BDSM experience and it completely turnt me the fuck out. Subspace is real, y'all.

we run zings, zings don't run we (The Reverend), Monday, 19 August 2013 20:22 (eight years ago) link

I had carnal knowledge with a person called Dogboy today

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 04:45 (eight years ago) link

I accidentally scratched him like really hard a lot and pissed in his mouth

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 04:46 (eight years ago) link

I mean, the scratching was accidental; the pissing was p deliberate

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 04:47 (eight years ago) link

And then we took a shower and went on an art-date to the Hirshhorn and talked about Donald Judd and Ai Weiwei and the use of indirect lighting in the Washington Metro stations. Best day!!

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 04:51 (eight years ago) link

getting closer to doo doo in here. i wanna order my boyfriend around but since we only seem to have sex monthly.......

maven maven (Matt P), Monday, 26 August 2013 04:52 (eight years ago) link

that doo-doo that you do do

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 04:55 (eight years ago) link

Had a sex-ish dream about two ILXors. I'll only reveal the identity of one (S.D.). We were all packed in a roller coaster car in New Jersey and both of the others had boners, but the one who was not Stevie apologized and said it was just from friction, but Stevie was like, well it's there, so why not use it. I woke up before it was put to use.

potatoes-in-law (Je55e), Monday, 26 August 2013 12:30 (eight years ago) link

!

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Monday, 26 August 2013 13:15 (eight years ago) link

apologized and said it was just from friction

Ah, high school.

the vineyards where the grapes of corporate rock are stored (cryptosicko), Monday, 26 August 2013 14:49 (eight years ago) link

Party in the USA: The ILX Gay Crushing on Other Gays Thread

first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 26 August 2013 15:04 (eight years ago) link

Party in the USA

I know when I'm not wanted...

the vineyards where the grapes of corporate rock are stored (cryptosicko), Monday, 26 August 2013 15:25 (eight years ago) link

have not engaged in any watersports with the boyfriend but our new apartment has a spacious stall shower and there have been preliminary talks

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Monday, 26 August 2013 16:31 (eight years ago) link

Was the roller coaster car on a roller coaster or like in the middle of a field or?

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 16:45 (eight years ago) link

but Stevie was like, well it's there, so why not use it

pvmic

ᕦ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕤ (sic), Monday, 26 August 2013 17:31 (eight years ago) link

No blind items itt

s. cloverlandthug (The Reverend), Monday, 26 August 2013 18:36 (eight years ago) link

On a roller coaster.

potatoes-in-law (Je55e), Monday, 26 August 2013 20:20 (eight years ago) link

Rollercoaster of love boners

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 21:14 (eight years ago) link

this is all wonderful

homosexual II, Monday, 26 August 2013 21:48 (eight years ago) link

I'll only reveal the identity of one

like climbing the first hill on the bonercoaster and never dropping ;_;

maven maven (Matt P), Monday, 26 August 2013 22:10 (eight years ago) link

a burrito

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 22:33 (eight years ago) link

does the other one not frequent this thread or what

mh, Monday, 26 August 2013 22:43 (eight years ago) link

banaka

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 26 August 2013 23:02 (eight years ago) link

omg

mh, Monday, 26 August 2013 23:04 (eight years ago) link

lmao

ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Monday, 26 August 2013 23:12 (eight years ago) link

can you at least describe the boner

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 12:43 (eight years ago) link

like did it prevent the safety bar from engaging properly

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 12:47 (eight years ago) link

they were jabby
moist, too, iirc

potatoes-in-law (Je55e), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 16:42 (eight years ago) link

humming 'jabby boners' to the tune of 'tiny bubbles'

and-a one, and-a two

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 16:46 (eight years ago) link

wait like we weren't even wearing pants?? Were we wearing SHIRTS??? Bcz shirts + no pants is like ultimate sexytime nagl imo

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 17:05 (eight years ago) link

porky pig style

ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 17:06 (eight years ago) link

moist boners ;_;

Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 18:06 (eight years ago) link

they were jabby
moist, too, iirc

fast n' bulbous
tight also

Rothko's Chicken and Waffles (donna rouge), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 18:07 (eight years ago) link

i dunno about 'moist' can we say 'dewy boners' instead

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 18:41 (eight years ago) link

humectant tumescents

maven maven (Matt P), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 18:44 (eight years ago) link

slick dicks

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 18:58 (eight years ago) link

"Dewy boners" is the kind of phrase I'd imagine turns up in Fifty Shades of Grey.

the vineyards where the grapes of corporate rock are stored (cryptosicko), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 19:11 (eight years ago) link

Everyone was fully dressed - Stevie, me, banaka, jay batman, Trayce, jaymc, deathdrone, carl agatha, etc.

potatoes-in-law (Je55e), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 19:29 (eight years ago) link

lol

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 19:34 (eight years ago) link

haha oh phew. I got worried when I got this email from Je55e - "are you still readintg the gay tmi thread? b/c i dragged you into it."

Lawyer... SUAVE... (carl agatha), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 20:25 (eight years ago) link

I was worried I'd end up with a cough drop in my asshole.

Lawyer... SUAVE... (carl agatha), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 20:25 (eight years ago) link

after momentary consideration i decided not to post "my penis" on the 'things you love about yourself' thread

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 20:33 (eight years ago) link

not because i don't love it tho

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 20:47 (eight years ago) link

now i want all of the posts in that thread to be autoreplaced with "my penis"

maven maven (Matt P), Tuesday, 27 August 2013 20:50 (eight years ago) link

I'd like you to meet my lawyers, Dewey Boner & Howe

Miss Arlington twirls for the Coal Heavers (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 03:39 (eight years ago) link

and how!

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 10:59 (eight years ago) link

So, it seems that apple cider vinegar is "the" best way to treat an itchy asshole

flamboyant goon tie included, Wednesday, 28 August 2013 12:57 (eight years ago) link

that stuff's just great for everything!

how's life, Wednesday, 28 August 2013 13:14 (eight years ago) link

No. It is hell when it gets in your eyes

flamboyant goon tie included, Wednesday, 28 August 2013 13:28 (eight years ago) link

would that be topically or internally administered?

your authentic guitar playing self (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 13:28 (eight years ago) link

you soak a cotton ball, lay it on the blossom and clench

flamboyant goon tie included, Wednesday, 28 August 2013 13:44 (eight years ago) link

omft @ "lay it on the blossom and clench"

#REV! (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 15:11 (eight years ago) link

apple blossom time

Miss Arlington twirls for the Coal Heavers (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 29 August 2013 23:47 (eight years ago) link

seven months pass...

How is it that I love every aspect of bottoming except for the whole having a dick in your ass one? :(

steendriver dysphoria hoos (The Reverend), Friday, 11 April 2014 20:06 (seven years ago) link

I'm totally incompetent at taking dick and it's distressing.

steendriver dysphoria hoos (The Reverend), Friday, 11 April 2014 20:06 (seven years ago) link

I love every aspect of another guy bottoming.

Bryan Fairy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 11 April 2014 20:07 (seven years ago) link

does it hurt? or like

funny and lolexander (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 11 April 2014 20:24 (seven years ago) link

Yeahhhh. Using fingers or a smaller toy is very pleasurable but a D is just too much.

steendriver dysphoria hoos (The Reverend), Friday, 11 April 2014 21:25 (seven years ago) link

have you tried using successively larger toys?

clouds, Friday, 11 April 2014 21:27 (seven years ago) link

yeah you gotta work up to it

funny and lolexander (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 11 April 2014 21:29 (seven years ago) link

Usually there's an involuntary spasm when you first try and take it and that's when you go "take it out take it out". Relax and breathe deep and you'll get it in a minute later
I say "you" but I mean "me" obv

poopsites attract (flamboyant goon tie included), Friday, 11 April 2014 22:32 (seven years ago) link

I feel I'd be a very talented bottom but for my lack of exposure.

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Friday, 11 April 2014 22:33 (seven years ago) link

And unwillingness to groom.

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Friday, 11 April 2014 22:34 (seven years ago) link

try sticking something in your butt

funny and lolexander (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 11 April 2014 22:34 (seven years ago) link

Does a traffic cone count?

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Friday, 11 April 2014 22:38 (seven years ago) link

you can always stick the traffic cone where your heart ought to be

Bryan Fairy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 11 April 2014 22:42 (seven years ago) link

Have I ever told you about the time I looked into the heart of an artichoke ... through its rectum?

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Friday, 11 April 2014 22:52 (seven years ago) link

Since yr issue seems to have more to do with girth than length, I'd say try beads. They're the best way to gradually make yourself comfortable with increasing thickness.

Of course, some guys just never get used to bottoming, whether due to physical or mental discomfort or some combo of both. In which case, no matter; plenty of us bottoms out there to go around.

Inside Lewellyn Sinclair (cryptosicko), Friday, 11 April 2014 23:53 (seven years ago) link

https://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7bmxo1RuG1rnl9ur.gif

(joek courtesy: thedcgayz tumblr)

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Saturday, 12 April 2014 03:57 (seven years ago) link

omg what is that from??

funny and lolexander (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 12 April 2014 12:34 (seven years ago) link

from my asshole

Bryan Fairy (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 12 April 2014 12:36 (seven years ago) link

plenty of us bottoms out there to go around

Lord, we don't need another bottom
There are bottoms and moonbeams enough to shine

images of war violence and historical smoking (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 12 April 2014 12:56 (seven years ago) link

P***ycat Dolls

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Saturday, 12 April 2014 14:58 (seven years ago) link

for some reason i've only ever been able to finish while topping a select few dudes (all of whom happened to be asian, now that i think abt it \o_O/) — other than that i don't find it very enjoyable :\

clouds, Saturday, 12 April 2014 23:25 (seven years ago) link

Let's let go of bottom shame together.

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Saturday, 12 April 2014 23:59 (seven years ago) link

Not literally, of course.

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Saturday, 12 April 2014 23:59 (seven years ago) link

oh... yes, er, of course. *pulls up pants*

clouds, Sunday, 13 April 2014 15:37 (seven years ago) link

Well, I mean, since you've already met me halfway ...

Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Sunday, 13 April 2014 18:01 (seven years ago) link

don't "let go" while bottoming

images of war violence and historical smoking (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 13 April 2014 19:28 (seven years ago) link

That's a shitty thing to say

funny and lolexander (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 14 April 2014 01:15 (seven years ago) link

three months pass...

my coworker sent me naked pictures today and he keeps wanting to screw me!

DERE is no DERE DERE (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 24 July 2014 01:55 (seven years ago) link

bad idea yo

The Reverend, Friday, 25 July 2014 20:19 (seven years ago) link

I don't even want to at alllll, he is SO corny and regular

DERE is no DERE DERE (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 26 July 2014 00:12 (seven years ago) link

He thinks Paris is Burning is stupid and also earnestly self-IDs as a "cub"

DERE is no DERE DERE (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 26 July 2014 00:13 (seven years ago) link

No one has to like Paris is Burning (for some reason I really disliked it the first time I saw it but then LOVED it next time) but "stupid" isn't a very interesting criticism of it.

Je55e, Sunday, 27 July 2014 20:42 (seven years ago) link

Stevie, forward the pictures to me.

Je55e, Sunday, 27 July 2014 20:43 (seven years ago) link

He is so super uninteresting!!

DERE is no DERE DERE (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 28 July 2014 01:10 (seven years ago) link

I can't believe he's sending you, a co-worker, nude pics. I haven't worked with many coworkers in a long time but this seems very strange to me.

Je55e, Monday, 28 July 2014 03:31 (seven years ago) link

He invites me to the bath house on like a fairly regular basis

DERE is no DERE DERE (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 28 July 2014 04:48 (seven years ago) link

"you're gay, i'm gay; therefore, we should be having sex" (?)

clouds, Tuesday, 29 July 2014 02:24 (seven years ago) link

works for me

unless your coworker is boring and ugly

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 29 July 2014 02:30 (seven years ago) link

two months pass...

so, someone whose videos on xtube have been favorites of mine for a while goes to my school. should i avoid like hell or say what's up?

clouds, Monday, 20 October 2014 20:33 (seven years ago) link

Hell of an icebreaker.

But seriously, why not say what's up?

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Monday, 20 October 2014 21:07 (seven years ago) link

sent him a pm, prob least terrifying option

clouds, Tuesday, 21 October 2014 03:37 (seven years ago) link

one month passes...

I had to abort eating an ass last night because it was too fragrant. This morning I said “next time, make sure you weed the garden ok?"

fgti, Saturday, 13 December 2014 16:47 (six years ago) link

i enjoy guy smells to a point but yeah take a damn shower first

(曇り) (clouds), Saturday, 13 December 2014 17:05 (six years ago) link

oh gross

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 13 December 2014 17:11 (six years ago) link

was there not a shower nearby? and some weeding tools?

things lose meaning over time (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 13 December 2014 17:16 (six years ago) link

I'll never understand guys who don't attempt some at least rudimentary clean-up prior to any sexual activity. It's gay sex! At least anticipate that *some* attention is going to be paid to your butt at some point.

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Saturday, 13 December 2014 17:26 (six years ago) link

the last few times i have had sex it was a total surprise, but my butt was not involved i don't think.

things lose meaning over time (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 13 December 2014 17:33 (six years ago) link

"weed the garden" makes it sound like there were dingleberries

Je55e, Saturday, 13 December 2014 17:36 (six years ago) link

Not how I read that at first (thought a preference for smoothness was being expressed) but now that you mention it---ugh!

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Saturday, 13 December 2014 17:39 (six years ago) link

Nah he hairy and I like it but I'm gonna buy him some baby wipes for Christmas

I'm just super-proud of my "weed the garden" sexpression. Another original is "pitch a tent" for a DP.

I told a friend abt these and he said he has a friend who likes to call fisting "bowling"

fgti, Saturday, 13 December 2014 18:22 (six years ago) link

In general I like to be the judge of "no wait I'm not clean" but there's been a couple times now with this dude when my tongue has E.T.'d so I think I'm gonna start making some gentle recommendations.

fgti, Saturday, 13 December 2014 18:24 (six years ago) link

Just in case there's any confusion:

http://cdn-static.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeek/files/styles/insert_main_wide_image/public/et_3.jpg?itok=Gztcftpt

fgti, Saturday, 13 December 2014 18:26 (six years ago) link

xxpost

But "pitch a tent"--though adolescent--is already a sexual euphemism. Yours is better though.

My favourite fisting euphemism probably comes from a Patton Oswalt stand-up routine where he (imitating Robert Evans) jokes about "turning [the fistee] into my own personal finger-puppet."

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Saturday, 13 December 2014 18:26 (six years ago) link

god, dp'ing is like the sexworld equivalent of finding mewtwo.

(曇り) (clouds), Saturday, 13 December 2014 18:32 (six years ago) link

TITTW we reveal the depths of our dep-rav-a-tee

(曇り) (clouds), Saturday, 13 December 2014 18:37 (six years ago) link

I'm still confused about E.T.ing but maybe I don't want to understand.

Je55e, Saturday, 13 December 2014 19:10 (six years ago) link

fgti's finger is radioactive

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 13 December 2014 19:15 (six years ago) link

it's got the invisible touch

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 13 December 2014 19:15 (six years ago) link

I'm still confused about E.T.ing but maybe I don't want to understand.

― Je55e, Saturday, December 13, 2014 2:10 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Saturday, 13 December 2014 19:20 (six years ago) link

it's got the invisible touch

he reaches in and grabs right hold of your heart.

(曇り) (clouds), Saturday, 13 December 2014 19:33 (six years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/edtDYNt.png

gr8080, Saturday, 13 December 2014 19:48 (six years ago) link

what about if you want to flush the dude down the toilet

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 13 December 2014 19:51 (six years ago) link

i'm singing "dude wipes" to the tune of "good lovin'" by the young rascals

(曇り) (clouds), Saturday, 13 December 2014 19:54 (six years ago) link

but there's been a couple times now with this dude when my tongue has E.T.'d

ohhhhhhh my god

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 13 December 2014 21:32 (six years ago) link

fgti srsly living up to thread title

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 13 December 2014 21:33 (six years ago) link

i think of mattress's "traces of bitter earth" comment all the time now

(曇り) (clouds), Saturday, 13 December 2014 22:03 (six years ago) link

I thought of it the other day when my face was days deep in some tush and it was clean but had a slight bitterness to it.

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 13 December 2014 22:09 (six years ago) link

I like how apropos(ish) Alfred's DN now feels in light of this recent convo.

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Sunday, 14 December 2014 00:17 (six years ago) link

ETing is when your tongue or finger touches turd not sorry

fgti, Sunday, 14 December 2014 00:54 (six years ago) link

I am.

Eric H., Sunday, 14 December 2014 01:10 (six years ago) link

gay TMI thread really delivering the goods today

The Reverend, Sunday, 14 December 2014 03:34 (six years ago) link

gay tmi thread is not fully delivering if the only thing i need to look up is 'mewtwo'

mookieproof, Sunday, 14 December 2014 04:05 (six years ago) link

never heard DPing as an acronym wtf is it

things lose meaning over time (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 14 December 2014 05:41 (six years ago) link

ok, that's just trying too hard. keep it simple stupid.

things lose meaning over time (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 14 December 2014 05:43 (six years ago) link

just takes a little limbering up.

(曇り) (clouds), Sunday, 14 December 2014 05:45 (six years ago) link

E.T. was exactly what I feared.

But like did it reach out to meet you halfway?

Je55e, Sunday, 14 December 2014 17:01 (six years ago) link

DPing seems to always be the climax frame of sexy yaoi so I think a lotta gay nerds hold it up mentally as being some holy mountain.

fgti, Monday, 15 December 2014 10:33 (six years ago) link

I've seen it in porn and it just looks too silly to be fun

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 15 December 2014 12:04 (six years ago) link

Attempted it once; too difficult to actually be enjoyable, though we never did properly get it going. May or may not try it again if the situation ever presents itself.

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Monday, 15 December 2014 15:16 (six years ago) link

my ex and i were playing with another couple we'd see occasionally -- he'd gone to the bathroom for a minute and we were actually making it work but had to stop lest he get jealous (which happened anyway).

is "lucky pierre"-ing a commonly used term?

(曇り) (clouds), Monday, 15 December 2014 15:30 (six years ago) link

Have no idea what "Lucky Pierre" means in this context, even after a Google search.

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Monday, 15 December 2014 15:38 (six years ago) link

haw, the first result i get is the correct meaning

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lucky+pierre

(曇り) (clouds), Monday, 15 December 2014 15:44 (six years ago) link

Oh, I've totally been a Lucky Pierre!

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Monday, 15 December 2014 15:58 (six years ago) link

my friends (same ones mentioned above) referred to the positions as cabin boy, pierre and the captain, respectively.

(曇り) (clouds), Monday, 15 December 2014 16:03 (six years ago) link

<3 this thread so much

marcos, Monday, 15 December 2014 16:50 (six years ago) link

I've reluctantly DP-topped a few times and it has been charming in an "athletic feats!" sort of way. No Os but some nice memories

fgti, Monday, 15 December 2014 17:03 (six years ago) link

"Lucky Pierre" wow. As soon as you find that something has an established term tho I feel like it loses some of the feeling of sexual ingenuity that comes with the act of proposing that it occur.

I have on another thread posted my fave term for hands-free O, tho right: bluetoothing

fgti, Monday, 15 December 2014 17:06 (six years ago) link

lol @ bluetoothing

marcos, Monday, 15 December 2014 17:07 (six years ago) link

I feel like I should be having more penetrative group sex.

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 15 December 2014 17:44 (six years ago) link

but it's enough of a pain to find someone to screw at all (vers or otherwise) let alone several ppl who are all into each other and who are also vers

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 15 December 2014 17:45 (six years ago) link

FALP, anyone?

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 15 December 2014 17:46 (six years ago) link

picked the best moment to decide to start posting again, thx fellas

donna rouge, Monday, 15 December 2014 18:16 (six years ago) link

I wish I had some fun TMI to share! >: (

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 15 December 2014 19:02 (six years ago) link

OH WAIT I DO!!

I ate my fuck buddy's ass the other day and then washed up afterwards and went straight to a dinner party, but 30 seconds after I left his apartment I realized that I'd forgotten to wash my face, and I was going to a dinner party where I would hug-and-kiss everyone hello with my whiskers smelling like ass!! How gauche!

Luckily I stopped at a bar on the way and got a shot and a beer and a good face-scrubbing in the bathroom and all was okay.

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 15 December 2014 19:08 (six years ago) link

Can someone just schedule me for a foursome? I promise I'll show up.

Eric H., Tuesday, 16 December 2014 05:32 (six years ago) link

I've posted in this thread 25 times.

Eric H., Tuesday, 16 December 2014 06:11 (six years ago) link

will golf do?

things lose meaning over time (Dr Morbius), Friday, 19 December 2014 13:26 (six years ago) link

kisses from new orleans y'all, i'm having the time of my life already <3

we're thinking of going to a leather bar down the road sometime this week. would be my first!

(曇り) (clouds), Friday, 19 December 2014 18:34 (six years ago) link

gee, that didn't seem particularly TMI

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 19 December 2014 18:42 (six years ago) link

okay, i'll dish: we fucked like vikings. :D

(曇り) (clouds), Friday, 19 December 2014 18:51 (six years ago) link

Hm.

fgti jaq, it's chinavision! (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 19 December 2014 19:40 (six years ago) link

why do anonymous craigslist bjs still sound exciting and i'm 32 in a decent relationship.

i want to get laid more than once a month with someone who can relax enough to take and enjoy my dick.

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Thursday, 25 December 2014 04:55 (six years ago) link

monarghamy

(曇り) (clouds), Thursday, 25 December 2014 05:01 (six years ago) link

i'm terrified i'll lose what i have if i open it up. which is: an hour or two of total contentment once or twice a week. and lots of unfulfilled ideals.

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Thursday, 25 December 2014 05:08 (six years ago) link

How far is it from SLC to Philly?

y kant max read (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 25 December 2014 15:17 (six years ago) link

!

Dej & the Fommly Loaf (The Reverend), Thursday, 25 December 2014 18:39 (six years ago) link

that was a rough night. all you guys are rad. time to go convince myself everything is peachy. :). i need to have A Talk but i'm not sure if i go with a) i'm committed to you but i'm not getting enough sex and i want to open it up or b) it's time to move on. i love him but there are compatibility issues that are not being resolved. sorry for liveblogging relationship problems in the coughdrop-in-butthole thread.

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Thursday, 25 December 2014 20:15 (six years ago) link

i'm committed to you but i'm not getting enough sex and i want to open it up

this is 100% a reasonable discussion to have in a gay relationship imo and if he draws a line in the sand on that then you might have to move onto conversation b

J0rdan S., Friday, 26 December 2014 18:41 (six years ago) link

j0rdan otm, that is some serious #realtalk and obviously your situation is prob complex and multi-faceted but at the end of the day, I think j0rdan's reduction is still otm: that IS a 100% reasonable discussion to have and it is a p crucial aspect of a relationship, especially if there as imbalance of desires.

y kant max read (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 26 December 2014 20:31 (six years ago) link

i think that in a healthy relationship you should at least be able to talk about the notion of opening it up, if one person wants to

if one side explodes at the mere notion that's a problem imo, unless the other person is totally on the same wavelength

J0rdan S., Friday, 26 December 2014 20:58 (six years ago) link

There isn't a single relationship I've endured in which the other guy hasn't balked at the idea. I think I'm Dracula or something.

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 26 December 2014 22:54 (six years ago) link

balking at the idea is a fair reaction, i guess, but one must accept that they're giving the person who wants to open it up a reason to leave the relationship

J0rdan S., Friday, 26 December 2014 22:56 (six years ago) link

good luck matt

j0rdan, if u and the bf are home do you want to go to the Bathsalts drag show at Don Pedro's on Mon night?

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Friday, 26 December 2014 23:03 (six years ago) link

i'll ask him!

J0rdan S., Friday, 26 December 2014 23:06 (six years ago) link

it's what all the young(ish) bklyn queers are doing apparently

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Friday, 26 December 2014 23:07 (six years ago) link

obv not an expert on the gay aspect of relationships and def not an expert on the non-monogamy discussion but matt are you in love with this guy or do you just love him bc you've known him so long and you're somewhat comfortable? do you really want to be in the relationship bc of him or just bc it's hard thinking about life outside of it? you mentioned the sex thing but you also mentioned other incompatabilities - knowing when to end a relationship or when to just put extra work in is really fuckin hard, but i hope you can figure this stuff out and be happier bc you seem like an awesome guy who deserves a great relationship.

just1n3, Friday, 26 December 2014 23:08 (six years ago) link

(also sorry for creeping on the gay thread, but it's not like any straights are posting interesting sex stuff on the regular tmi thread)

just1n3, Friday, 26 December 2014 23:09 (six years ago) link

NO HETEROS ALLOWED IN THE ROOM!!

y kant max read (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 27 December 2014 00:47 (six years ago) link

j/k we <3 just1n3 and that is also v sage, v otm advice

y kant max read (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 27 December 2014 00:47 (six years ago) link

If you're into the guy you're with and see a distant future with him, you're surely gonna be going through a lot worse shit than a "baby I want more ass than you can give me" conversation. I wouldn't hesitate or even make it a big thing.

fgti, Saturday, 27 December 2014 06:40 (six years ago) link

i would say "suggest a threesome" but it kinda sounds like boo is sort of lame at sex and that's part of the problem?

(曇り) (clouds), Saturday, 27 December 2014 06:52 (six years ago) link

hehe a little bit. i had conversation b and i think we're both pretty relieved though it's hard and there's a lot of emotion. we've sort of been moving towards friendship anyway. we both still care about each other a lot.

thank you guys, j0rdan and justine and etc., for the feedback. it helped me stick with the right way to go.

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Saturday, 27 December 2014 19:48 (six years ago) link

i don't think he's lame at sex, but other incompatibilities and the resulting resentments have really affected his ability to have it.

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Saturday, 27 December 2014 19:53 (six years ago) link

did he lose a coughdrop in his...?

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 27 December 2014 19:56 (six years ago) link

yes

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Saturday, 27 December 2014 20:17 (six years ago) link

good for you! ime it's hard enough leaving an abusive relationship with someone you hate, let alone letting go of someone you actually still care a great deal about, and who is a good person.

just1n3, Saturday, 27 December 2014 21:49 (six years ago) link

how does one respond when a dude you've previously hooked up with asks "what are you into?"

(曇り) (clouds), Monday, 29 December 2014 18:50 (six years ago) link

'remembering things'

donna rouge, Monday, 29 December 2014 18:55 (six years ago) link

ugh xp lol

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Monday, 29 December 2014 18:56 (six years ago) link

i hate the question regardless

(曇り) (clouds), Monday, 29 December 2014 19:03 (six years ago) link

i tell them things I am actually into i.e. Love & Rockets comics, Almodovar, 80's techno, shakshuka, puns

y kant max read (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 29 December 2014 19:04 (six years ago) link

same person also asked me if i have any more pics to trade -- dude you've just about seen all there is!

(曇り) (clouds), Monday, 29 December 2014 19:06 (six years ago) link

Maybe he meant "pics of trade."

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 29 December 2014 19:07 (six years ago) link

after some soul searching and honest talk we're gonna hang in there. bewildering x-mas spirits.

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Monday, 29 December 2014 19:13 (six years ago) link

gl

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 30 December 2014 00:06 (six years ago) link

thanks

languagelessness (mattresslessness), Tuesday, 30 December 2014 00:32 (six years ago) link

Had a pretty awesome afternoon hookup with a whipsmart younger man. Afterward when we did a couple shots of Jack he said to me:

"You drink like a pussy"

"You are so gay"

Hoping for fuckbuddy status.

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 10 January 2015 22:55 (six years ago) link

also, I gave him a hickey, and i think he broke my shower nozzle

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 10 January 2015 22:56 (six years ago) link

:-)

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Saturday, 10 January 2015 22:57 (six years ago) link

Long story about my crazy last couple of days that, I suppose, contains a minority TMI detail: I wound up in the hospital Thursday night with appendicitis, requiring immediate surgery (thankfully, it hadn't yet ruptured, so it was simply a matter of removing it). Earlier in the day, well before I had any clue that any of this was about to go down, my bf had talked me into wearing a yellow jock strap (this one, if the visual helps make the story funnier/more embarrassing) for, um, later. Once I knew that I was going to be having surgery, and hearing that he and my mom were both on their way to the hospital, I texted him with a list of things I wanted him to bring me from home, including some more conservative underwear, given what I knew about the revealing nature of hospital gowns. Unfortunately, the nurse had me change into the gown before the two of them arrived, so i thought the hell with it and shoved the jock in among my jacket and other clothing that they had given me to store my belongings. They finally show up just as I'm about to be wheeled into the OR, and I go in for surgery. The next day, after he picks me up from the hospital, he tells me that the nurse had handed my mom the bag with my belongings in it, and that there was a moment where, looking in the bag, my mom spotted the jock, and laughed. More an instance of TMI for my mom to receive, I suppose, but mildly mortifying for me nonetheless.

MaudAddam (cryptosicko), Sunday, 11 January 2015 00:59 (six years ago) link

She probably thought "YESSSSSS"

fgti, Sunday, 11 January 2015 01:22 (six years ago) link

Eat it!

Eric H., Sunday, 11 January 2015 04:38 (six years ago) link

In the right way, I mean.

Eric H., Sunday, 11 January 2015 04:39 (six years ago) link

God bless you and yr jockstrap

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 13 January 2015 03:45 (six years ago) link

Morbs! Where'd you meet?

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 13 January 2015 04:02 (six years ago) link

on the corner

Jesus, the ass on this guy

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 13 January 2015 04:04 (six years ago) link

<3 Elisha Lim

my booty it clean (fgti), Thursday, 15 January 2015 19:20 (six years ago) link

i just saw that and i want everything on it

Jennifer 8.-( (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 15 January 2015 19:20 (six years ago) link

The Young Infidel came over for another afternoon romp. I had to slap him just a little.

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Monday, 19 January 2015 14:55 (six years ago) link

a discreet circling of wagons!

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 19 January 2015 15:00 (six years ago) link

he did not like the first 20 mins of Duck Soup, so i am still available for wedlock.

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Monday, 19 January 2015 19:48 (six years ago) link

Suddenly, so am I!

Vulvacura (Eric H.), Monday, 19 January 2015 20:25 (six years ago) link

what, you were on for a Boston marriage?

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 20 January 2015 18:13 (six years ago) link

is there slang for when theres a mass simultaneous O in group sex? If not can we call it a balaggio?

turn dog for up (fgti), Saturday, 31 January 2015 15:20 (six years ago) link

omfg

Jennifer 8.-( (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 31 January 2015 23:33 (six years ago) link

as a st8 I have no place saying this but fgti you should get a grant for coining sex slang imo

gr8080, Saturday, 31 January 2015 23:36 (six years ago) link

cosign

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 31 January 2015 23:51 (six years ago) link

str8080

how's life, Sunday, 1 February 2015 01:18 (six years ago) link

u guys I had quiiiite an encounter w a v strapping Cuban this weekend

Jennifer 8.-( (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 1 February 2015 03:17 (six years ago) link

shhhh Stevie don't tell

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 1 February 2015 03:19 (six years ago) link

strapping, not stripping

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 1 February 2015 05:56 (six years ago) link

idk I am being kind of cagey about this I guess but I have several visible bruises and some ripped clothes and etc.

Jennifer 8.-( (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 1 February 2015 13:40 (six years ago) link

you should be caged instead of cagey, bad boy!

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 1 February 2015 15:51 (six years ago) link

My taste for bruises and bruising disappeared the day after the Ghomeshi affair broke, the next time I had hands around my throat I got "Planet Telex" in my head and lost a boner

turn dog for up (fgti), Sunday, 1 February 2015 16:24 (six years ago) link

At all waking hours I'm devoting 10% of my brain to disseminating my private lexicon, i.e. fucka twigs, bluetoothing, slimes / sliming (slang for cute men / hanging out with cute men)

turn dog for up (fgti), Sunday, 1 February 2015 16:26 (six years ago) link

you just changed the way I'll listen to young forever

gr8080, Sunday, 1 February 2015 16:29 (six years ago) link

I totally need to withdraw from sliming.

Eric H., Sunday, 1 February 2015 17:35 (six years ago) link

young *thug*

gr8080, Sunday, 1 February 2015 18:04 (six years ago) link

gr8080, you've found your internet home.

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 1 February 2015 18:10 (six years ago) link

Ok, "bluetoothing" I remember, but "fucka twigs?" Also, why "slime?"

That shit right there is precedented. (cryptosicko), Sunday, 1 February 2015 19:18 (six years ago) link

fka twigs

the plight of y0landa (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 1 February 2015 19:31 (six years ago) link

fucka twink

flopson, Sunday, 1 February 2015 19:34 (six years ago) link

it's when u top a dude who has a v slender penis

Jennifer 8.-( (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 1 February 2015 21:03 (six years ago) link

can y'all remind me what bluetoothing is?

marcos, Monday, 2 February 2015 17:10 (six years ago) link

it's when u blow a dude from the Blue Man Group

Jennifer 8.-( (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 2 February 2015 17:58 (six years ago) link

My taste for bruises and bruising disappeared the day after the Ghomeshi affair broke, the next time I had hands around my throat I got "Planet Telex" in my head and lost a boner

I can't figure out why this song came to you.

Je55e, Monday, 2 February 2015 18:07 (six years ago) link

Bluetoothing = hands-free orgasm

Je55e, Monday, 2 February 2015 18:08 (six years ago) link

It was the theme song to his show

I like "weeding the garden" as slang for cleaning up the butt before action but haven't had a lot of opportunity to put that one to use

turn dog for up (fgti), Monday, 2 February 2015 19:12 (six years ago) link

i've never done coke off the groin, but i'd like to call it "sugarbush"

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Friday, 6 February 2015 04:09 (six years ago) link

also i need one for getting hit in the eye with spooj... ssomeone else's. you can add one for your solo spooj if need be.

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Friday, 6 February 2015 13:21 (six years ago) link

well i killed this one eh

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 12 February 2015 01:57 (six years ago) link

If I couldn't boner kill this thread, no one can.

Eric H., Thursday, 12 February 2015 04:19 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

well my med student (aka The Bad Muslim) broke up w/ that guy he was seeing, so he just was here for some sportfucking.

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Friday, 13 March 2015 02:38 (six years ago) link

TLI imo

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 13 March 2015 15:01 (six years ago) link

well it was our third go at it and we both know what we like. it's working.

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 14 March 2015 00:49 (six years ago) link

Tonight I was introduced firsthand to the concept of "switching" in which you and your partner take turns being very aggressive and no-nonsense and all Sir/boy what with spitting and slapping and fucking and asking permission and it was just a really great time. His armpits smelled like heaven.

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 15 March 2015 04:32 (six years ago) link

Kinda surprised neighbors did not call cops tbh

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 15 March 2015 04:33 (six years ago) link

lol I'm such a switch :D

raih dednelb (The Reverend), Sunday, 15 March 2015 07:43 (six years ago) link

I have always been vers but haven't really explored the more performative extensions of that so much, like not only taking turns being in control physically but also verbally. V exhilarating! I've talked to a lot of ppl who have told me their exp with this and they're like "no I can ONLY do one OR the other or if I switch it has to be one role for a whole session" so I guess it's p cool I can just turn it off and on in the moment and it still feels totally authentic.

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 15 March 2015 14:45 (six years ago) link

I'm a btm like 99% of the time, but my guy's been talking about versing up the relationship lately. I feel like when/if this happens, these "performative extensions" will be helpful. Excited now!

That shit right there is precedented. (cryptosicko), Sunday, 15 March 2015 15:03 (six years ago) link

sex is fun you guys

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 15 March 2015 15:59 (six years ago) link

i got a knee in the front teeth the other night tho (nothing broke)

touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 15 March 2015 16:13 (six years ago) link

I'm really not that vers tbh (but also I don't give a fuck about a top/bottom dynamic, that's just not how I think about sex), but I am so all about switching in the kink sense.

raih dednelb (The Reverend), Monday, 16 March 2015 09:32 (six years ago) link

we've done some switching before, it is pretty hot (def hotter to methan just one person always assuming the same role)

donna rouge, Monday, 16 March 2015 17:46 (six years ago) link

Glumly moves the "days since I last had dick in my mouth" counter back to zero.

Eric H., Monday, 23 March 2015 14:58 (six years ago) link

Wait what

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 23 March 2015 15:04 (six years ago) link

For someone who hates sex so much you sure just had sex

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 23 March 2015 15:04 (six years ago) link

I'll start liking sex when I actually have it a second time with someone.

Eric H., Monday, 23 March 2015 15:11 (six years ago) link

But hey, the end of a drought is the end of a drought.

Eric H., Monday, 23 March 2015 15:12 (six years ago) link

Still bluetoothing after all these years

got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Monday, 23 March 2015 15:17 (six years ago) link

Add to "favourite places to have sex": on a pile of clean laundry just out of the dryer

got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Monday, 23 March 2015 15:18 (six years ago) link

Eric plz plz give us some details

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 23 March 2015 21:21 (six years ago) link

Still basically underwhelmed by it all, but I broke a sweat and have a couple scratch marks, so that's neat.

Eric H., Monday, 23 March 2015 21:58 (six years ago) link

What was he like? How did he taste? Where did you meet? Did you jerk off while you were doing it?

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 23 March 2015 22:07 (six years ago) link

Geeky but enthusiastic. Like dick. OKC. No, I thought only of his enjoyment.

Eric H., Tuesday, 24 March 2015 02:34 (six years ago) link

Most of the encounter was adventures in frottage. Still wished we had used some lube.

Eric H., Tuesday, 24 March 2015 02:34 (six years ago) link

Eric, that rules!!

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 24 March 2015 12:30 (six years ago) link

If there is a next time, I'll concentrate harder on my own pleasure too.

Eric H., Tuesday, 24 March 2015 13:49 (six years ago) link

Was it like an NSA blow and go type thing or did you guys like hang out for a while and then it led to sex?

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 24 March 2015 16:03 (six years ago) link

The latter. I def haven't graduated to NSA yet, though I'm realizing now that's a phase in life I probably can't just bypass.

Eric H., Tuesday, 24 March 2015 18:12 (six years ago) link

Well I mean ime they are always just phases and after a while it's ultimately unfulfilling and even when I AM in those phases I still realize that it's much more desirable to have sex w/ someone w/ whom there is at least a modicum of connection (i.e. you can hold a conversation with them)

gybe horses (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 24 March 2015 18:14 (six years ago) link

Yes, tho it does make it more difficult to walk away from those situations, et al. Anyway, not sweating it.

Eric H., Tuesday, 24 March 2015 18:19 (six years ago) link

The latter. I def haven't graduated to NSA yet, though I'm realizing now that's a phase in life I probably can't just bypass.

― Eric H.,

well this thread is warrantless eavesdropping

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 24 March 2015 18:35 (six years ago) link

I should comeback when I start using cough drops.

Eric H., Tuesday, 24 March 2015 18:48 (six years ago) link

You're old enough to bypass anything you want to now.

the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 25 March 2015 10:34 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

i miss the Bad Muslim's ass so much.

the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 20 May 2015 23:28 (six years ago) link

i miss the Bad Muslim's ass so much.

― the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius),

Bob Woodward quoting Obama about bin Laden?

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 21 May 2015 02:11 (six years ago) link

u r foul

the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 21 May 2015 03:01 (six years ago) link

a romp with a pianist this afternoon

and not an inordinately large pianist

the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 23 May 2015 22:11 (six years ago) link

an inordinately large Muslim pianist?

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 23 May 2015 22:50 (six years ago) link

no, new person of unknown faith/nonfaith

has a condo, is very...young

the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 23 May 2015 23:32 (six years ago) link

went to a post-int'l mr. leather party w/ a few friends last night -- a few "firsts" occurred, up to and including: having an "audience" (very fun!), an ornery, mean angel-faced skinhead punk (who wouldn't take "no" for an answer. almost too intense.), a stout bear daddy (w/ a private booth) (actually a bottom). ended with walking down michigan ave, sweaty and bruised, with about 20 tattooed muscle bears in a nearly baroque array of leather harnesses and wrestling singlets, blasting aphex twin's selected ambient works 85-92 from my bluetooth speaker.

Ric Flairy (clouds), Tuesday, 26 May 2015 02:00 (six years ago) link

cool.

i got bruised this weekend too.

the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 26 May 2015 02:21 (six years ago) link

A somewhat appropriate time to bring this up I guess (not that this thread has anything to do with "appropriate"): I was pretty vanilla-ish, sexually, during my 20s (a somewhat late start, sexually, and some anxiety about being gay in my very early 20s take the credit for this, I suppose), but the eventual realization that I was pretty definitively a bottom (can count the number of times I've topped in the last 8 years on one hand) has led me to realize that I'm quite fond of being dominated. Now, having a long term partner has undoubtedly made me more comfortable with this than I would be otherwise--there's a level of trust that has been built up that, I believe, has allowed for a degree of comfort that I doubt I would have with less familiar partners.

Lately, though, I've been curious about pushing the boundaries of my relationship beyond our simple top/bottom arrangement. A couple weeks ago, when we were fooling around, my partner rather spontaneously whipped my ass with a belt. Not hard, but hard-ish, I suppose. He didn't ask first; he has a remarkable level of intuitiveness about what I'm going to respond to sexually, and he was right about this one--it was easily one of the hottest things I've ever experienced (he repeated this move once, a couple days later, but lamentably, not again since). Not sure where I want to go from here, to be honest, or if there is anywhere to go from here--just kind of enjoying it and excited to see how it progresses (if at all).

(Hope this isn't too rambling, btw. I am a bit drunk.)

The New Gay Sadness (cryptosicko), Tuesday, 26 May 2015 03:09 (six years ago) link

The New Gay Badness.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 26 May 2015 03:14 (six years ago) link

I spent the last three weeks on vacation with my boyfriend and the couple we're seeing. We were drinking a lot and screwing a lot and there were weird social tensions, it seemed like once or twice a day somebody was getting ignored or shut out. Generally everybody was having a great time except me. More like I was having 75% great time and 25% terrible. I'm the least socially adept of the four of us and so would find myself at any given moment plunging into elaborate food preparation, long walks, or compulsive smoking. I had a few hangovers and with them an accompanying meltdown.

Meltdown #1: I tried to reset the situation to pre-poly parameters, just two happy couples on vacation. The other guys got angry at me for trying to make such a unilateral decision and ignoring their "feelings of love" which I'd neglected to consider. Meltdown #2: I confronted one of the other men, asked him why he was avoiding me in sexual situations, and he told me that as close as we are as friends (best friends, in fact) he wanted to keep our physical relationship strictly confined to snuggling and kissing. At first I was stoic about it. Meltdown #3: We did MDMA and I got blackhole depressed and while I slept the three of them all had wild sex. I woke up and couldn't get the "OMG my best friend and my boyfriend are having an amazing great sexual relationship and that feels terrible" train of thought out of my head. I confessed to my best friend that I wasn't stoic at all about shit and that I felt like I had been broken up with and then forced to watch as he fucked my boyfriend instead. This was not a good day for anyone. Meltdown #4: I dabbed, and not even being a weed smoker, I got higher than I've been in my life. I woke up feeling helpless and terrible and taken advantage of and spent the day in a terrible place of suicidal ideation and awfulness. I felt like I'd fallen prey to jealousy and idiocy, that I'd hurt all my favourite people, and that they'd be better off without me.

And then it all passed? I started packaging my bad thoughts as being products of binge drinking and drug doing and latent depression, and abandoning them. I plunged myself into the long-term domestic love that I have for my boyfriend, the intense platonic love I have for my best friend, and the intense sexual love I have for my best friend's boyfriend. One day me and my best friend were walking and we confessed that with each other's partners we'd had the best sex of our lives the previous night and it didn't feel like there was any jealousy or inadequacy, just gratefulness that we'd found such a functional and terrific group of people to spend our time with, and we hugged and kissed and cried and it was totally fucking beautiful.

Through the whole ordeal I confided in several friends over the phone. Some told me to get out and go home. Others told me that I was with three men who loved me and to remember that at all costs. Still others told me this shitshow was related to professional insecurity or childhood trauma. But one friend said, "this situation is everything you've always wanted. You're too cynical for easy love, too generous for a single lover, in need of more stimulation than an entirely positive situation. This is it, you got what you need, be happy-sad peaceful-angry or whatever but you're at least interested, and upended, and in love, and that's what you've always needed."

got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Tuesday, 26 May 2015 03:41 (six years ago) link

I probably would have anyway, but especially now after reading fgti's heartfelt post, I feel especially silly for drunkenly writing two wordy paragraphs in order to basically say, "hey guys, i like being spanked."

The New Gay Sadness (cryptosicko), Tuesday, 26 May 2015 15:43 (six years ago) link

idk, i feel pretty cavalier abt sex in general. everyone's experience is diff.

i feel like i'm constantly scandalizing my friends lately and i'm not really meaning to be shocking or outre. a lot of soi-disant "liberated" ppl have been super judgy w/ me and it's a bit disheartening and surprising.

O, that last sentence reminded me a lot of a line from rilke's "sonnets to orpheus":

Whatever image you take within you deeply,
even for a moment in a lifetime of pain,
see how it reveals the whole — the great tapestry.

Ric Flairy (clouds), Wednesday, 27 May 2015 01:48 (six years ago) link

clouds, "liberated" gays v often demand RESPECTABLE behavior from the tribe.

fgti i hope everything stays good with you, but all that math!

I never really thought of myself as someone who would be working on a streak with dudes in their early 20s, but they're the ones saying yes right now.

the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 27 May 2015 02:02 (six years ago) link

four months pass...

at a sexytime party a few weeks ago, i accidentally put sanitizer gel on mine.

it burned just a little til i washed it off, but still.

skateboards are the new combover (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 21 October 2015 13:10 (six years ago) link

owwwww

clouds, Wednesday, 21 October 2015 13:38 (six years ago) link

you just washed it off?

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 21 October 2015 13:40 (six years ago) link

takes "clean only" to such new levels

Ina-Garten-Da-Vida (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 21 October 2015 16:14 (six years ago) link

yes alfred, i'm that fuckin butch

skateboards are the new combover (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 22 October 2015 00:29 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

i did unprotected with a random on craigslist. now i have to tell my bf i cheated on him and wait for 3 months to get tested. feel like literal garbage.

mattresslessness, Tuesday, 8 December 2015 23:13 (five years ago) link

i know no one wants to touch this but ugh. i wish i could throw away all my sexual bullshit and start over. repression, depression, all of it. i have no idea how to be a human being.

mattresslessness, Tuesday, 8 December 2015 23:58 (five years ago) link

Have you ever enjoyed sex at all? If so, count yourself fortunate.

Ballistic: ILX vs. Sever (Eric H.), Wednesday, 9 December 2015 00:39 (five years ago) link

Sorry, that wasn't incredibly supportive. I'm sorry that you feel in a spot that made you lay it all out on the line with the ultimate riskiness.

Ballistic: ILX vs. Sever (Eric H.), Wednesday, 9 December 2015 00:41 (five years ago) link

eric...

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 9 December 2015 03:19 (five years ago) link

mattresslessness i hope your boyfriend supports you as you figure yourself out

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 9 December 2015 03:33 (five years ago) link

thanks. i'm gonna give it a shot.

mattresslessness, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 03:38 (five years ago) link

mattresslessness, the whole "i have no idea how to be a human being" thing is something I've felt way too much in the past (thankfully less so in the present). Your current situation sounds incredibly shitty, but I hope you and your boyfriend come through it all ok.

Fetty Wap Is Strong In Here (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 9 December 2015 03:48 (five years ago) link

i think there are three issues. #1 is legitimate, i want to top more and he has a hard time enjoying it, so looking outside should be on the table (thanks dan savage). #2 is being scared about actually hammering it out so being dishonest. #3 is reckless behavior, throwing basic common sense to the wind. 2 and 3 are terrible and where i am fucking up, 1 is not.

xp aw thanks, you're sweet. glad to hear you're feeling that less. :)

mattresslessness, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 03:49 (five years ago) link

I have to wonder just how much the whole "I wanna top/bottom, but I'm with an exclusive top/bottom" thing fucks with gay relationships. Like, the looking outside option is...ok, but I think it has to be realistically assumed that not all people are going to be fine with that.

Of course, by observing this (and offering no solution), I realize that I'm effectively complicating the one thing about this situation that you feel is legitimate, so I'll just shut up now.

Fetty Wap Is Strong In Here (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 9 December 2015 03:57 (five years ago) link

i have the less discussed problem ("problem") of not really caring for anal sex either way which is kind of an issue in my relationship insofar as i'll do it when he asks but i don't ever push it for it myself so it doesn't happen as much as it needs to

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:07 (five years ago) link

xp no not at all! that's part of it, the feeling where i can't really tell if this person is ok with it or not, the vagueness i think is a defense mechanism on his part, hedging and being passive-aggressive is a defense mechanism on mine and between those two habits the subject is always eluded. like i would prefer not going outside if he could genuinely enjoy bottoming, it's happened a few times i think. it's just this has been an ongoing issue for years, we haven't successfully addressed it, i got impatient and caved in a moment that hearkened back to my furtive and frantic past.

mattresslessness, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:08 (five years ago) link

Which means an additional shitty thing about your situation is going to be having to walk that very fine line between explaining to him "this happened at least partially because of this issue in our relationship that you won't address" and "I did this very, very shitty thing to you." My advice, at least when it comes to addressing the immediate topic at hand, I guess, is to not fall too hard on the former point atm.

Fetty Wap Is Strong In Here (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:13 (five years ago) link

xp it's definitely less discussed that not everyone loves anal sex, nor should they. gay men tend to fixate on it, maybe to an unhealthy degree.

mattresslessness, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:14 (five years ago) link

xp yeah that's solid.

mattresslessness, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:14 (five years ago) link

yeah you gotta take all the Ls on this one before you bring up the culpability he has in whatever sexual incompatibility you guys have

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:17 (five years ago) link

my therapist told me to "speak from the heart" lol

mattresslessness, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:21 (five years ago) link

It's def true that gay relationships end as much for sexual position incompatibility as any other incompatibility.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:25 (five years ago) link

m, you are not garbage

clouds, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 04:47 (five years ago) link

That is true.

Ballistic: ILX vs. Sever (Eric H.), Wednesday, 9 December 2015 05:26 (five years ago) link

I thought t3d was coming back to ILX and shit.

Ballistic: ILX vs. Sever (Eric H.), Wednesday, 9 December 2015 05:27 (five years ago) link

you guys are nice. i did a shitty thing and i have to deal with it. doesn't mean i'm worthless, just that i have to hang in there and try again. shamefaced admission tonight :/

mattresslessness, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 19:14 (five years ago) link

good luck matt, you are one of my favorite posters and definitely not garbage. doing shitty things sucks, it is very difficult ime to own both my shitty actions and the rightful emotions i have about circumstances in which i decided to do take a shitty action. i have to remind myself a lot that it is human and possible to feel simultaneous and conflicting things at once, i am getting better at it but it is hard. i've been working through a lot of sexuality stuff in therapy for the past 5 years or so and the amount of shame and resentment that festered and blew up and manifested in some serious acting out and lying in my relationship is pretty crazy, i am super grateful to have (mostly) moved beyond a lot of that but SO much work remains in terms of honestly and adequately communicating about my sexuality to my partner

marcos, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 19:22 (five years ago) link

ah good to hear you're making progress and i'm not the only one.

mattresslessness, Wednesday, 9 December 2015 19:25 (five years ago) link

that went .. ok. i'm relieved. he talked mostly about how he's been depressed for the last few years. he sort of avoided how he felt about what i did, other than worrying a little bit about me. i could tell it hurt him though. it usually takes a few weeks for him to sort out his feelings about something like this. in the meantime, space.

we could be moving into 'good friends' or maybe 'open relationship'. he is very avoidant of all status talk though so it's confusing if i'm only wishing for the latter and it's not actually doable for him.

he's so strange. very abstracted all the time. he doesn't seem to care for the different arrangements / options that arise from the day-to-day structure of life. he only really opens up when the topic is ideas or other peoples' stories. i appreciate that about him very much because he's brilliant in that regard, but it makes it difficult to work out concrete actions, which i find myself needing in order to navigate a relationship.

anyway, glad i could vent here in the good ole coughdrop thread.

mattresslessness, Thursday, 10 December 2015 20:33 (five years ago) link

he said "if we can't be friends about stuff like this, there's no point" which i thought was pretty awesome.

mattresslessness, Thursday, 10 December 2015 20:34 (five years ago) link

New sexpression: eclair

got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Sunday, 20 December 2015 01:36 (five years ago) link

explain...

Bitch I'm in the 2112 (cryptosicko), Sunday, 20 December 2015 01:44 (five years ago) link

When it gets really really dirty

got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Sunday, 20 December 2015 02:11 (five years ago) link

dude EW

cory artangel (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, 20 December 2015 02:21 (five years ago) link

two months pass...

hey guys. things are pretty interesting these days!

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 14:43 (five years ago) link

many ports of call?

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 14:50 (five years ago) link

this past friday night was my boyfriend's 38th birthday. we had a big dinner snd had a whole mess of friends to the bar. afterward, we ended up meeting some gays at the eagle, including this one super cute guy who we've both had a HUGE crush in for years. anyway, we ended up at his house at the end of the night and my boyfriend & i basically devoured him alive. at one point my boyfriend and i were greedily eating out his hairy muscular armpits as he writhed in agony. ugh, it was stupidly hot. the next morning we ended up walking a couple miles back to the car and processing the experience. it's the first time both he & i had fooled around together with a 3rd -- up til now we've always fooled around separately. needless to say my guy had a really good birthday.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 14:58 (five years ago) link

but besides that the last week and a half has been more action than i've seen in a while. ended up have my 2nd experience bottoming during a flip-fuck with a good friend. ended up topping the hell out of another acquaintance after running into him at the bar. plus things between my bf and i have been getting hotter & more frequent.

my boyfriend's been getting together with a good bisexual friend of his and doing some sexual surrogacy type shit, i dunno.

oh, and i bought a buttplug. which i'm wearing.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 15:04 (five years ago) link

guys he's wearing a buttplug rn

make sure to clean out before you plug!

a booty cleaner, Wednesday, 2 March 2016 15:26 (five years ago) link

part of this has to do with the fact that my boyfriend & i don't have anal sex so after 8+ years im suddenly getting to explore that from both sides, as it were. plus the relatively recent opening of the relationship and me having the sort of confidence in my sexuality that i didn't when i was single. altogether it feels like i'm going through a 2nd puberty, hormones on full blast right now.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 15:28 (five years ago) link

that's exciting, ps. i sort of miss openness, we stopped because of (reasons) but those sloppy bar makeouts were really fun/sexy. and yeah, it was...interesting having my long-delayed slut phase concurrent with being in a loving LTR

also are you wearing the buttplug like, out and about?

donna rouge, Wednesday, 2 March 2016 18:18 (five years ago) link

heh, i wore at work for a few hours this morning. it got uncomfy but only because the base wasn't sitting comfortably between the cheeks.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Wednesday, 2 March 2016 20:54 (five years ago) link

i think i'm about to embark on my slut phase

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 2 March 2016 21:03 (five years ago) link

first bananas and now this

like it's unrelated

we can be heroes just for about 3.6 seconds (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 3 March 2016 01:59 (five years ago) link

Spring strikes ILE gays...hard.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 3 March 2016 02:01 (five years ago) link

first bananas and now this

who do i have to top to get a banana around here

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 3 March 2016 15:37 (five years ago) link

three weeks pass...

im officially a dildo owner now

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 24 March 2016 16:12 (five years ago) link

Welcome to the, er, club!

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Thursday, 24 March 2016 16:17 (five years ago) link

thank you, i've yet to come up with a nsme for the little bugger

i mean is that what people do with dildos, name them? ive always assumed

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 24 March 2016 16:59 (five years ago) link

My husband (jokingly?) calls mine "my competition."

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Thursday, 24 March 2016 17:32 (five years ago) link

what abt Cynthia or Andrea or Jennifer?

sexy dander (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 24 March 2016 20:10 (five years ago) link

i was thinking the way people name boats. or racehorses. or akc show dogs.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 24 March 2016 20:49 (five years ago) link

"tradewinds"

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 24 March 2016 20:50 (five years ago) link

"baby's new shoes"

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 24 March 2016 20:50 (five years ago) link

"daniel's most auspicious sterling whisper"

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 24 March 2016 20:52 (five years ago) link

"problematic fave"

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 24 March 2016 20:58 (five years ago) link

Straight Fire Beautiful Dong

sexy dander (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 24 March 2016 21:13 (five years ago) link

Sausalito II

sexy dander (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 24 March 2016 21:14 (five years ago) link

"bashful"

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 24 March 2016 21:25 (five years ago) link

I had one called Hebron

got a long list of ILXors (fgti), Friday, 25 March 2016 00:27 (five years ago) link

are anal beads even worthy of a name

donna rouge, Friday, 25 March 2016 03:18 (five years ago) link

Not if you have to name each one,

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Friday, 25 March 2016 03:19 (five years ago) link

i don't think i've ever used a dildo in action...

beads only at a bachelor party. with a woman.

we can be heroes just for about 3.6 seconds (Dr Morbius), Friday, 25 March 2016 03:50 (five years ago) link

dying @ "tradewinds"

map, Friday, 25 March 2016 04:18 (five years ago) link

are anal beads even worthy of a name

they're like one of those families who name all their kids with the same initial

kimberly, kyle, kristin, kathleen, and little kevin

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Friday, 25 March 2016 13:23 (five years ago) link

The Sandpiper

sexy dander (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 25 March 2016 14:24 (five years ago) link

Bird of Song's Elegant Graceful Regal Grains of Paradise

sexy dander (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 25 March 2016 14:26 (five years ago) link

rosecliff

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Friday, 25 March 2016 16:39 (five years ago) link

they're like one of those families who name all their kids with the same initial

i have cousins who were named this way :/

(i like my beads btw)

donna rouge, Friday, 25 March 2016 18:02 (five years ago) link

Beads > dildo, imo

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Friday, 25 March 2016 18:06 (five years ago) link

five months pass...

sorry people, i have to blab somewhere. i had sex with this sweet guy twice last week. kind of a lucky draw on scruff. today we're going to hook up and he asks if i want to do a threesome. having had a fun one last week i say yes. the third guy shows up a half hour late. i can immediately tell i'm not on his wavelength. starts playing circuit music on his phone. i basically tell him to turn it off, i don't like music while playing. i do it with sweet guy while third kind of lays there in various configurations. he tries to drag me to a different position at some point, i say "would you like me to move somewhere?" anyway, it's not bad for a bit and i cum. then while 3 is doing this gross kissing all over my back i check my watch and i'm like "omg guys i've got to run." very awkward scrambling for my clothes with strained faux-polite conversation. i know i'm being the pooper but oh well, life is too short to endure the guy you don't like in a threeway, right, just as long as you aren't actively rude?

in other news, i told my seven-year bf that i wanted to be just friends on thursday. it went pretty well as far as those things go. it helps that we're pretty much there anyway. i'm still emotional though. it took me months to make up my mind because he's an amazing person but it was just not working. and now i don't want to date anyone for years and years. but i still fucking love sex. on the other hand my emotions are raw right now so i should probably hold off for a while. the hook-up apps! i signed up a week and a half ago and have been basically trying to gulp the sudden spray from a fire hydrant after not having had water forever, but now i'm like this water is kinda gross.

and prep, i mean i know it's reductive to think this way about it but goddamn does it feel good to not use a condom and feel like you aren't expressing a death wish.

map, Saturday, 27 August 2016 21:53 (five years ago) link

basically trying to gulp the sudden spray from a fire hydrant after not having had water forever, but now i'm like this water is kinda gross.

wow otm

laraaji p. henson (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 27 August 2016 23:04 (five years ago) link

:)

map, Saturday, 27 August 2016 23:24 (five years ago) link

on this front: we're having this guy over for dinner tomorrow who's come onto B pretty strongly before and i think the expectation is that hanky-panky will ensue afterwards. my first planned-in-advance non-sex-app-initiated threesome! this guy is tall and very handsome and a dancer so he has a dancer's build and is covered with tattoos and he kind of oozes sex out of every pore (he posts lots of v sexy photos of himself on insta) and part of me is kinda like oh lord i can NOT deal

donna rouge, Sunday, 28 August 2016 01:27 (five years ago) link

lol, ooh la la

map, Sunday, 28 August 2016 01:48 (five years ago) link

i had a pretty good month, ie only had sex twice but both were great. Once with the Pianist, who really likes me I think but i'm not in his world and he's very popular. (I think I am going to see him perform in a new opera but not tell him.) Also with the Bad Muslim, who flies off to medical school in the Caribbean this week and will be back in December.

The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 28 August 2016 02:20 (five years ago) link

oozing, fire hydrants, pianos, love this thread.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 28 August 2016 03:02 (five years ago) link

I have to say something about this couple I've had a few interactions with, an older man in his 50s with two children who divorced and came out, a younger man in his 40s who seems a little stifled but maybe I'm reading into that. They're very typical Wasatch Front mormons in how they seem to be leading their lives, especially the older one. He can't talk about many subjects comfortably for longer than five minutes except for what people in his large extended family are doing, have done, or will do, and he relates everything back to that (this is extremely common in Mormon culture). To me he seems like an anxious mess under a thin veneer of friendliness, and I think the expectation that Mormon men be domineering and controlling but so freaking nice about it is part of the picture and something that is obviously causing him a lot of discomfort. Sex with them is rushed. They can't settle for long enough to breathe or let something honest happen. The younger one doesn't seem very enthusiastic about it but is maybe resigned to that dynamic for the sake of a protective figure who will take care of him, and maybe opening up their relationship is an attempt to deal with a lack of connection sexually. The older one seems to distractedly pursue me as a toy for his boy with a fleeting enthusiastic desperation.

It's all a little sad and off-putting, which I finally realized last night after I visited their large empty-space home in the suburbs, the kind of geometric boxy construction finished with materials popular in the 90s that housed a hundred kids I knew and their families growing up. Everything about it was weird and disconnecting. I brought a library book and left it with the younger one (who is still ten years older than me!) in spite of my better judgment so I have to go back at some point.

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Tuesday, 30 August 2016 17:58 (five years ago) link

In the meantime I'm definitely feeling a broken heart and will be for a while I'm sure. *sigh*

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Tuesday, 30 August 2016 18:16 (five years ago) link

:( sorry to hear about it - maybe it's best if you get your book and then skedaddle? is anything about it worth sticking around for?

donna rouge, Tuesday, 30 August 2016 18:31 (five years ago) link

My ridiculous poly scenario has resulted in me splitting from my ltr, moving to another country, taking on a new job. The high point of my day these days is a half-hour swim and five-mile run. I been casually PG-dating a new guy in my new city. Hangs and cuddles and kisses but no sexy sex.

See, I was still feeling tied-to one of the polydudes of yore (and him to me). A couple days ago I decided to put any prospective intimate relations on pause with the polydude (he lives far away anyway and his primary relationship is just fine), so I could feel free to take things with this new guy to the next step. Tough conversations, some tears, full nine steps of grief in 48 hours, but it seemed like a good decision and seemed positive.

First night seeing the new guy after making that decision that decision (the new guy is as beautiful in the face as he is picky in the eating) and I'm cooking for him and I go to grind some pepper in the sauce and he says "ohhhh I kind of hate ground pepper" and I think about all the meals I've cooked for him thus far including twice cacio e pepe (once as eggs and once as linguine) and I internally sigh and see a dead end ahead of us and I uber home alone after dessert.

fgti, Tuesday, 30 August 2016 18:45 (five years ago) link

:( sorry to hear about it - maybe it's best if you get your book and then skedaddle? is anything about it worth sticking around for?

― donna rouge, Tuesday, August 30, 2016 7:31 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

thanks. yes to skedaddling. i'm making poor decisions at the moment but only dimly aware of it.

sorry to hear about your picky eater fgti. gay dating lyfe is a poorly regulated and unsafe rollercoaster ride.

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Tuesday, 30 August 2016 20:20 (five years ago) link

we should do a fall thread. i promise to be civil.

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Tuesday, 30 August 2016 21:43 (five years ago) link

btw our dinner/sex date on sunday was about as close to ideal as we could've hoped. he was v. smart, funny, interesting conversationalist, very attentive to us both, forward/assertive w/o being domineering/aggro, and the sex itself was just super-fun and sweet, and we cuddled for nearly an hour afterwards, then he called a cab. he even brought us carnations! we all seemed pretty eager to do it again sometime

donna rouge, Tuesday, 30 August 2016 21:53 (five years ago) link

that's awesome.

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Tuesday, 30 August 2016 21:54 (five years ago) link

We had a weird one a few weeks back.

We've been looking for other couples to play with and my husband started talking to this one married guy who expressed an enthusiastic interest in the four of us getting together. Every time it was convenient for us, though, his husband was always at work or whatever, and the guy finally asked us if it would be okay if he just came over and watched us (he and his husband have rules against participating without each other, which we both wholly respect and were not going to even attempt to violate). He came over and the three of us talked for an hour or so, after which I was finally like "so...are we gonna go to the bedroom or not?"

As planned, it was my husband and I having sex while he watched, but his version of "watching" was standing like an inch or two apart from us, and constantly moving around to catch all the action. I didn't mind, but it was definitely odd and I don't understand why we didn't just all wait for his husband to be available. My husband has messaged back and forth with him a couple times since, but no plans have even come close to being set so idk.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Tuesday, 30 August 2016 23:19 (five years ago) link

wow, u folx are busy

The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 31 August 2016 02:15 (five years ago) link

fgti, i'm glad you have kinda remade things, you seemed so despairing while all that stuff was going on. wishing you well.

The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 31 August 2016 02:17 (five years ago) link

Thanks guys

Today was weird, polydude called me up and screamed at me for an hour, accused me of being insane, listed all these things I'd done wrong, and how I was nothing but shit in his life and his partner's, who I both consider still to be my closest friends, and I'm the sort of person who is easily convinced that all wild accusations are actually true, as insane as that was, and so I had to deal with the grief of that all day

Positive note was that picky-eater asked to hang out more in the future, and talking to him after all the fire and brimstone tasted like a bowl of cool gazpacho (odourless and tasteless gazpacho but soothing nonetheless)

fgti, Wednesday, 31 August 2016 05:27 (five years ago) link

literally writing out the very short voicemail i'm going to leave my new just-friend today to stay on track.

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Thursday, 1 September 2016 20:24 (five years ago) link

So, is this pretty much the new gay thread? Fine if it is; I'm just wondering if this is the place to post PG-rated gay stuff as well.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Thursday, 1 September 2016 20:29 (five years ago) link

i cried a lot monday. felt much better yesterday and today. lots of sleep. somewhat more put together. and i think i'm finally over whoring it up to distract myself because it's not helping me at all right now. but lord i'm going to read so fucking much and eat all the nut / trail mix varieties sold by trader joe's while doing so.

xp well there isn't a fall thread and honestly imo maybe someone should break tradition and start a rolling queer life thread that people can update whenever.

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Thursday, 1 September 2016 20:34 (five years ago) link

or, it's technically too early for a fall thread and the seasonal thing has been sidelined for a while

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Thursday, 1 September 2016 20:35 (five years ago) link

Rolling Queer Life 2016

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Thursday, 1 September 2016 20:51 (five years ago) link

earlier this month my boy went to europe for a few weeks and i had sex w/ someone else for the first (and then second) time in like 5 years. the first time was not un-fun but i think i was too much in my own head because i was very aware of the fact that i was sort of like re-learning to ride a bike or whatever. the second time otoh was very very fun, maybe too much fun, we had very mature conversations about the whole thing but then he said a few things that i thought were a little over the line in terms of where our feelings were supposed to stop. he's cool tho & i think he was prob testing the waters or something, we still chat and i might see him again at some point.

meanwhile my boy met a guy off tinder in europe and when they started having sex he stopped cuz he said his dick was gross and weird, which i'm not sure but is funny (problematic?) nonetheless

J0rdan S., Thursday, 1 September 2016 21:01 (five years ago) link

your boy's dick was gross or weird or his?

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 1 September 2016 21:20 (five years ago) link

if his, maybe it's his idea of sexxytalk

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 1 September 2016 21:21 (five years ago) link

:-/

J0rdan S., Thursday, 1 September 2016 23:01 (five years ago) link

every dick is special

until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Friday, 2 September 2016 00:38 (five years ago) link

four weeks pass...

so i'm having some fun. i unexpectedly became the owner of 4 poppers vials including one that is pressurized: you spray it onto a towel and then huff it. uh yeah. i just tried it out solo and i'm pretty sure i've never come that fast in my life.

savvinesslessness (map), Friday, 30 September 2016 03:48 (five years ago) link

i randomly hooked up with a guy who turned out to be a bear bar dj visiting from dc. we did it in the back of his rented yukon on a dirt road west of the city and got spotlighted by a cop after we finished, scrambled for our clothes, gave him our ids, left with a warning. last night we got a room. i like him. i'm going to try to parlay it into a dc trip but we'll see.

savvinesslessness (map), Friday, 30 September 2016 03:59 (five years ago) link

apparently he had ghb but we skipped that. he's a house music producer burner tattooed beard kind of guy, went to byu years ago, sweet and smart and reassuringly corny and it's nice to know i can still connect with someone and thaw out a little.

savvinesslessness (map), Friday, 30 September 2016 04:05 (five years ago) link

all the djs from my white little town got turned on to it either by progressive house (90s), electro house (00s) or erasure (80s).

savvinesslessness (map), Friday, 30 September 2016 04:09 (five years ago) link

i'll never come to any of that music

The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Friday, 30 September 2016 04:40 (five years ago) link

bf and i tag teamed a cute and fun furry bottom, making that our first non-terrible threesome (the last time we tried the guy couldn't bottom, couldn't top and had a huge frizzy lion's mane of hair that kept getting in the way)

clouds, Friday, 30 September 2016 15:32 (five years ago) link

i feel like it isn't possible for a threesome to be anything but really good or really bad.

savvinesslessness (map), Friday, 30 September 2016 15:37 (five years ago) link

congrats on a good one

savvinesslessness (map), Friday, 30 September 2016 15:39 (five years ago) link

from experience, it's possible for them to be both :|

clouds, Friday, 30 September 2016 15:44 (five years ago) link

thanks! and your new confidence is heartening to see

clouds, Friday, 30 September 2016 15:44 (five years ago) link

:)

savvinesslessness (map), Friday, 30 September 2016 15:46 (five years ago) link

so i think i'm going to dc to hang with this guy and i feel good about it. 💯

savvinesslessness (map), Saturday, 1 October 2016 03:34 (five years ago) link

http://data.whicdn.com/images/135265005/large.jpg

savvinesslessness (map), Monday, 3 October 2016 19:56 (five years ago) link

where are good places to view porn. my usual stuff is boring me.

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 4 October 2016 02:47 (five years ago) link

I usually rely on P0rnhub these days. The quality varies, but its got a decent range and plenty of filterable categories.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Tuesday, 4 October 2016 02:50 (five years ago) link

yeah same actually it's pretty decent. tumblr mostly sucks for these purposes now.

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 4 October 2016 02:51 (five years ago) link

porn: almost as boring as football

The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 4 October 2016 02:55 (five years ago) link

tumblr has gone downhill.

savvinesslessness (map), Tuesday, 4 October 2016 03:34 (five years ago) link

i sent this dc dude my unwashed jockstrap

savvinesslessness (map), Sunday, 9 October 2016 03:53 (five years ago) link

in a 6"x9" mailer with a mix cd 😎

savvinesslessness (map), Sunday, 9 October 2016 04:06 (five years ago) link

well i bet the jock is fresher

The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 9 October 2016 06:40 (five years ago) link

6 by 9, oh my

clouds, Sunday, 9 October 2016 13:33 (five years ago) link

xp i guess you can judge for yourself: Your Favorite Song On This

but n.b. i don't give a shit what you think so why not share your own tmi on this thread instead of... riding my jock.

savvinesslessness (map), Sunday, 9 October 2016 19:46 (five years ago) link

man mailing me unwashed jock is on my list of small but realistic dreams

i've been wearing one recently, pretty fun of course tho not quite sure how to work it into my life

J0rdan S., Sunday, 9 October 2016 21:06 (five years ago) link

I've never worn one; it feels like a garter belt.

I've removed them though.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 9 October 2016 21:17 (five years ago) link

i actually like them as regular underwear and i'm pretty used to wearing them now. a friend is into them so i ground his face in the pouch, that was fun.

savvinesslessness (map), Sunday, 9 October 2016 21:48 (five years ago) link

man mailing me unwashed jock is on my list of small but realistic dreams

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/12/We_Can_Do_It!.jpg

savvinesslessness (map), Sunday, 9 October 2016 21:49 (five years ago) link

i'm just going to blather here. i got a jock in return (whew), along with "masculine studies" "classics" iron john and king, warrior, magician and lover, and the prophet by khalil gibran. *rolls eyes*. ok i'll go with it, at least he isn't sending me atlas shrugged. i'm giving iron john a go but i don't think i'm going to make it. the weird thing is i totally had a "meaningful" dream last night like one of the ones in this stupid book. i mean it's fine, just boring in its self-help mode and weirdly non-commital and non-water-holding for a book about grabbing life by the balls or w/e, 274 pages of hedging vague suggestiveness. i cracked open king, warrior and yeah i don't think that one's for me, stuffy pseud windbag tone, no thanks.

my ex spoiled me by being well-read and having good taste in books.

i'm gonna send him spinoza: practical philosophy by deleuze for that beautiful, bomb-ass intro and stars in my pocket like grains of sand because that's the kind of thing i want a unicorn lover of mine to read and i think he could maybe get into it.

do i look sexy today 564 (map), Thursday, 13 October 2016 04:25 (five years ago) link

J why did no one believe you when you came out? Didn't you show them your music collection?

The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 13 October 2016 05:08 (five years ago) link

holy shit I send that Deleuze to possible persons over-30, under 30s get Anne Carson

fgti, Thursday, 13 October 2016 07:22 (five years ago) link

fgti which book would you send me? *flutters eyelashes*

laraaji p. henson (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 13 October 2016 13:14 (five years ago) link

well now anne carson is going on my library list.

do i look sexy today 564 (map), Thursday, 13 October 2016 14:28 (five years ago) link

i'm 34 and available btw

do i look sexy today 564 (map), Thursday, 13 October 2016 14:45 (five years ago) link

J why did no one believe you when you came out? Didn't you show them your music collection?

― The Hon. J. Piedmont Mumblethunder (Dr Morbius), Thursday, October 13, 2016 1:08 AM (nine hours ago) Bookmark

my thing was that i listened to tons of rap music!

J0rdan S., Thursday, 13 October 2016 15:00 (five years ago) link

I still get way too many people surprised when they learn about me.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 13 October 2016 15:21 (five years ago) link

I shocked no one.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Thursday, 13 October 2016 16:15 (five years ago) link

i didn't know anyone to shock, except for my mother who screeched at me

do i look sexy today 564 (map), Thursday, 13 October 2016 19:19 (five years ago) link

i really have no clue how much i pass or not, i feel pretty gay on the inside and love it

do i look sexy today 564 (map), Thursday, 13 October 2016 19:21 (five years ago) link

and you all rock btw, even dr morbius, who obv needs some help ilx is not giving him

do i look sexy today 564 (map), Thursday, 13 October 2016 19:23 (five years ago) link

hello my beautiful gaywads

it's been 6 weeks since my boyfriend's mom died and he's been depressed for months prior to that. we haven't been kicking it very often lately, which is understandable. i've not played outside the relationship either since then because i know it's been a tough time for him, but i'm feeling pretty frustrated.

anyhow he's out of town for the next couple days and i'm not sure what i want to do about it.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 17:14 (five years ago) link

a friend with benefits? porn, dildo, weed, poppers?

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 17:41 (five years ago) link

i have... all those things.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 17:48 (five years ago) link

naked macrame bacchanal?

laraaji p. henson (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 17:55 (five years ago) link

i guess more broadly i'm just not sure how to navigate the intersection of an open relationship, mental illness, and grief. it feels like my identity as & obligation to be a loving and supportive partner leads to this self-sacrificing behavior where i just go without sex, sometimes for weeks, because it feels selfish under the circumstances to assert myself & my appetites.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 18:46 (five years ago) link

like I don't know how to broach the subject because I worry it's just going to sound like "okay your mom's dead & you're depressed but i still need to nut"

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 18:49 (five years ago) link

although my boyfriend is going to starting an antidepressant shortly, so the situation is either going to get better if his mood stabilizes or get worse because of side effects

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 18:54 (five years ago) link

anyway, sorry to kvetch on the sexxxy thread!

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 19:32 (five years ago) link

it's a def a weird situation... i wish i had some sort of answer. i think you should bring it up tho or else it's going to drive you crazy and the sublimated resentment will prob make the situation worse? i think if you make it very clear that you're willing to close the relationship until he feels comfortable opening back it up that you guys could at least have a discussion about it.

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 18 October 2016 20:24 (five years ago) link

part of the dynamic is on me for sure, i didn't decide that i wouldn't mess around with other dudes because of a conversation we had but because i felt it was the considerate thing to do during this time. so i guess what i'm really contending with is giving myself permission to ~enjoy pleasure~ when it feels kinda scummy and shameful and inconsiderate -- even though i know that none of that is necessarily true

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 22:15 (five years ago) link

i'm curious why you would think it inappropriate to keep pursuing side interests in an open relationship in these circumstances. i mean it makes sense to me that maybe you wouldn't be in the mood to have nsa sex when your boyfriend is dealing with grief and added depression. on the other hand i think you can make a case that it would be inconsiderate to him not to give yourself access to pleasure and fun -- you're in support mode and you need an outlet -- and also, outside of your felt obligations, it's something you deserve on its own.

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 18 October 2016 22:38 (five years ago) link

sounding - A+++
piss play - roughly A need more info
rim chair - A- a little corny tbh
shoving fingers down throat - A

a spooktacular weekend with nothing below a 9

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 00:38 (four years ago) link

oh yeah, ghb was fun but i wouldn't want to make a habit out of it

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 00:41 (four years ago) link

E and i had our first foursome with a really cute couple -- we hit it off amazingly and are planning a hike next saturday :D

clouds, Tuesday, 1 November 2016 01:44 (four years ago) link

map good lord

laraaji p. henson (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 02:43 (four years ago) link

yeah awesome

clouds, Tuesday, 1 November 2016 02:51 (four years ago) link

<3

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 02:52 (four years ago) link

I feel like it was a mistake to do a checklist like that when really the whole weekend was transporting and it's hard to describe and I'm falling for this guy who seems to be falling for me too. The weird thing was we tried all these piggy things together but it felt super safe. The sounding was really really really hot, like seeing white lights with your eyes closed hot.

clouds your foursome hiking crew sounds super fun.

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 02:58 (four years ago) link

Reading anything about sounding is literally TMI for me.

Carry on, please; that's what the thread's here for--just know that I'll be sitting here crossing my legs.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 03:02 (four years ago) link

this guy just fucking came out of nowhere and now i feel like i'm sprouting or shedding old skin or something.

xp lol

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 03:06 (four years ago) link

also i got a new fb friend, this gorgeous black-jamaican model with a seventh day adventist upbringing, by calling him 'unfailingly polite'. he was expertly fielding advances from an annoying af son of an R-Ohio congressman who honestly just needed a spanking but wasn't appealing enough even for that. i could have a lot of gay friends in town if i just moved towns. salt lake city feels like a soiled crib to me right now. which reminds me, the guy i was with this weekendpissed on his mattress and we bought a steam cleaner from target for it and it took three days to dry out. i also peed in a glass and threw it on him while he was in the tub like surprise!

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 03:18 (four years ago) link

still gotta sing tlc's waterfalls for like two minutes to get the yellow tho ;_;

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 03:21 (four years ago) link

home alone and bored once, i tried sounding with the wooden end of a paintbrush. i get it.

clouds, Tuesday, 1 November 2016 14:37 (four years ago) link

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 1 November 2016 15:18 (four years ago) link

not sorry (^ ^)v

clouds, Tuesday, 1 November 2016 15:24 (four years ago) link

sounding is fucking terrifying to me, y'all are brave

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:31 (four years ago) link

why does it have such an innocuous name

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:34 (four years ago) link

lol

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:35 (four years ago) link

during a frenzied bout of drunk sex last weekend i hurt my boyfriend's butt real bad, he's still in discomfort. i'm not sure exactly what i did but it involves (whispers) hemorrhoids. he's going to the doctor about it so i feel pretty beastly and horrible.

in exchange, he gave me a big, angry-looking hickey.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:40 (four years ago) link

oh ouch

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:40 (four years ago) link

the hickey is pretty hot though

i have a fissure from years ago that never really healed. i finally have a gp i gotta see about it. before i fly out to dc again over thanksgiving XD XD XD

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:42 (four years ago) link

his hemorrhoids are one of several persistent factors that conspire to make anal sex more or less impossible for us, i hate them

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:44 (four years ago) link

ugh that sucks. does sitting on it help? i feel like that's the gentlest way. let's be honest, anal is a bit of a war zone and the scars / ptsd are real.

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:53 (four years ago) link

of course my gp's next available appointment is january 3rd. wtf?

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:53 (four years ago) link

yeah he does have ptsd from a history of childhood abuse and then there's the question of, uh, fit.

i mean it's not a threat to our relationship after 9 years together but i know he'd like to, i'd like to, we just... can't.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 17:58 (four years ago) link

yeah i hear you. is that one of the reasons why you guys opened it up?

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 18:03 (four years ago) link

not particularly, though i have enjoyed the new freedoms

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 18:29 (four years ago) link

Inspecting with a frown the makeup aisle at Target for covering cream to take care of a hickey while surrounded by young girls + their moms was one of last spring's best experiences.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 18:35 (four years ago) link

hahaha

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 1 November 2016 19:36 (four years ago) link

damn y'all

i don't think i'm cut out for sounding considering how irritating i find it when like, a stray pube gets stuck in there

also i didn't know rim-chairs were a thing! seems like kind of an investment for a v. specific purpose (one site has them for $150-170)

one of my worst hookups ever involved him giving me a hickey so i'm sort of pre-disposed to disliking them

i've had a WS-in-bed experience - my stream was kinda watery so the clean-up wasn't too bad

donna rouge, Wednesday, 2 November 2016 04:55 (four years ago) link

it's getting serious. there is a very abnormally close and comfortable connection happening, and i can see it working over time. i want to be there for it. i'm probably moving in the next three months. i'm really stoked.

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Saturday, 12 November 2016 17:04 (four years ago) link

My ex-lover in a particularly abusive convo among many abusive convos told me "you're a lousy bottom" so I've been practicing on my own and it's been a real eureka

fgti, Saturday, 12 November 2016 18:48 (four years ago) link

Also, I was urged by a friend to "date normal people for once in your life" and so I went on two dates with a very normal man, and toward the end of the second date we agreed that there was no attraction between us but that it was nice to have a new friend!

On election night he told me that I was actually one of his closest friends now (less a result of quantity of time spent together and more the level of friend-rapport we have) and I was touched. I told him I didn't want to wake up alone in TrumpLand and he enthusiastically agreed to stay over and we had sex that was a. extremely good and b. free of emotional fraughtitude. Didn't know this was a thing that could happen, that sex could have all the romance of a game of squash but still be terrific.

fgti, Saturday, 12 November 2016 18:51 (four years ago) link

"Sex with all the romance of reading The New Yorker" is my life.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 12 November 2016 23:23 (four years ago) link

omg omg fgti welcome to this new and magnificent world

Fluffy Saint-Bernard (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 12 November 2016 23:44 (four years ago) link

that sex could have all the romance of a game of squash but still be terrific.

oh-yeah.gif

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 15 November 2016 21:02 (four years ago) link

but romance tho. guys. i gave two weeks notice at my job yesterday. i'm buying a one-way ticket to d.c.

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Wednesday, 16 November 2016 15:29 (four years ago) link

fuck yes

clouds, Wednesday, 16 November 2016 20:38 (four years ago) link

big moves!!! wtg map, it takes courage

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Thursday, 17 November 2016 03:58 (four years ago) link

I'm sorry if this isn't allowed but I am bored and I just read a bunch of this thread and holy fucking shit I just looked up sounding and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. You are brave and I salute you.

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 17 November 2016 18:09 (four years ago) link

not me, that kinda brave i want no part of.

had me vacation sex already, bloke from Reading.

Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Monday, 28 November 2016 11:37 (four years ago) link

good job!

clouds, Monday, 28 November 2016 14:35 (four years ago) link

an inspiration to us all

J0rdan S., Monday, 28 November 2016 15:04 (four years ago) link

Was it on the plane?

sad, hombres (sic), Monday, 28 November 2016 16:39 (four years ago) link

that wd be gauche

Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 29 November 2016 00:13 (four years ago) link

My Uber driver and I had a moment. He was streaming Trump's speech on his phone. He voted for Hillary, but he said he wanted to hear everything Trump said so he was always prepared. He was from Sudan. Gay and lesbian issues came up and he said he had 2 gay male friends in Sudan whose lives were in danger and a straight fried here who was "almost gay" (and he said that Kuwait has the biggest population of MSM in the world??). He asked me stuff about being gay and said he'd always dated women but it wasn't weird for him for being men to like men, or women to like women, but he'd never tried it. I asked him if he'd thought about it and he said yes, but it just never happened. We got to my stop and we chatted for a minute and he said he enjoyed talking with me and said he'd give me 5 stars. I asked if he ever wanted to try anything and he said "Yes... but maybe not right now." He asked for my number, but I declined and we chatted for a couple minutes, touching lightly on sex stuff. I stepped out of the car and he talked a little more while I was standing there, saying he enjoyed our talk. I asked if I should get back in the car, but he was reticent and I wanted to go home, so I said goodnight and he said, "Goodnight, Jesse. Maybe see you again, yeh?"

Je55e, Friday, 2 December 2016 02:26 (four years ago) link

Hoping for yeh

The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Friday, 2 December 2016 04:50 (four years ago) link

Planned to go with a friend to the bar on Friday night but we ended up hanging & making out, resulting in my first honest to goodness dicking down. I'd flip fucked once before with this friend but that was about the extent of my experience bottoming, but this was a for-real pounding & it was great. I'm evolving, or something.

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Monday, 12 December 2016 15:02 (four years ago) link

stretching is good for you

clouds, Monday, 12 December 2016 15:05 (four years ago) link

I truly need to work on my hip flexibility, tbh

gwyneth anger (patron sailor), Monday, 12 December 2016 15:16 (four years ago) link

three months pass...

A new addition to the lexicon of smut:

We're all familiar with spit roasting, and hopefully God has smiled on many of us. But for those of us who are craving that particular experience, but cannot fulfill the personnel requirements, there is a solution. While allowing your lucky roastee to suck your d, manage a dildo in their ass end. Sort of an automated two-person spit-roast. This is called: a rotisserie

fgti, Monday, 20 March 2017 22:46 (four years ago) link

guys i have so so so much to add to this thread now that i am newly single

Fluffy Saint-Bernard (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 20 March 2017 23:24 (four years ago) link

funniest being that i just got a call from the guy who left my house 30 min ago bcz he left his wedding ring on my nightstand but can't come get it bcz he's driving home to baltimore rn

Fluffy Saint-Bernard (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 20 March 2017 23:25 (four years ago) link

I had

Wait is this thread or board googleproofed? I hope so.

I had a wild night with a straight muscle boy. Sex and drugs and electronic music. He had been at work and showed up with high viz gear on and covered in work-dust. "Can I have a shower?" ( this was pre-discussed) yes of course. He strips and, fuck, crazy hot bod. Lovely face, wonky teeth that I liked. Made him look more interesting.

Anyway! Yeah. 12 hours of naked fun including wearing jock straps and cowboy hats and taking lines. It got a bit depraved, I may expand later. Said he'd been doing manual labour but was driving himself crazy during work thinking about cock!

He says he's straight but bored with women. I'm not one who cares that men call themselves straight and have gay sex. People cAn call themselves what they like IMO.

Probably the craziest sexual night I've ever had.

Heavy Doors (jed_), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 01:36 (four years ago) link

I mean I'll say more once I know the deal with privacy here.