Lucky for you, I got all these daddy issues: Queer Summer, 2021 (LGBTQQIAAP+++)

put it here, baby cakes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb5s15LOHPI

(and watch that)

hi surm! i have no idea but i'd appreciate a gif

― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Monday, August 2, 2021 9:18 PM (one week ago) bookmarkflaglink

i'll hit ya up soon bb

Gay bar murder mysteries:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgAHn3SilhQ

O God - I'm on my way to a date and I feel like this is a bad sign!

so like i've always been curious, i don't think i know what most people mean by 'daddy issues.' personally i always take it to mean internalized patriarchy i.e. self-hate. not to get too serious about it or anything.

i have a dj gig tonight and if i have the guts i'm going to play this

https://music.apple.com/bw/album/aww-s-t-single/1039958757

tumblr deleted my porn pic account :(

end of an era that stretches back to downloading pics via irc in the 90s

we watched some olympic wrestling clips yesterday.

this serial post brought to you by nervous jitters

The 🎞️ is thelma & louise & the actress's name is thelma

Saw it on reel 13 because of course i am home watching pbs on sat nites

If by "daddy issues" you mean old issues of Daddy - The Magazine, then yes.

lol

The 🎞️ is thelma & louise & the actress's name is thelma
ding ding ding ding ding!

you win.
https://monophy.com/media/MRGtpcq4o8uOMJHHEy/monophy.gif

this one's for you mappy
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a2/c3/b9/a2c3b9cb7e33b38d9dc01ecf48b790bc.gif

wuuuuut

*wicka wicka*

<3

it'll be great!

i'm at home, we're both stoned as hell listening to Low.

Mrrraow hi kitty cat ... Hope no one has insomnia tonight

Just sayin'

ding ding ding ding ding!

you win.

That's very generous considering I don't have a clue who the actress is <3

But I recognize the drag queen in Murder She Wrote as Bobby Wheeler from Taxi, a dead weight who was wisely dropped from the cast early on and whose friends knew him as Jeff Conway.

(Taxi being probably my 2nd favorite tv series ever after Eerie, Indiana)

I've met all the living cast members randomly in NYC over the years except Danny Devito.

One day I was having dinner at a pizza bar by Lincoln ctr and Tony Danza walked in and sat down next to me.

One day I walked in a midtown bar to find Christoper Lloyd holding court in the center of the room

Etc etc

That's funny because I've met Danny DeVito. He spilled wine on me at an art show lol.

:)

Hope he at least offered to pay for the dry cleaning!!

How was the DJ gig, map?

it was rad as hell! thanks for asking. i had the place with me for a few tracks near the end. always a good feeling.

yall give us your weekend updates.

it's smoky as fuck outside so i am gladly going to be indoors with the plants and the cat all day

i was in l.a. for a few years but the only real celeb encounter i had, probably because i am clueless as hell, was that i am pretty sure i sat across the bar from jake gyllenhall in chinatown

Deflatormouse, I was wearing all black, and plus it seemed like we were both pretty drunk— we ended up just talking about It's Always Sunny, as I did an interview with everyone *except* him during the show's first season.

other than dinner with my nieces and folks yesterday, I've done nothing but hang out on the patio of our local bookstore reading Elena Ferrante and writing.

I need to get laid.

Alfred: the new ferrante? got it sitting on my coffee table right now

slow boring weekend. went on a nice hike yesterday though it was more strenuous than we anticipated. currently putzing around on Serato and maybe making a mix later. but also feeling kinda insecure about my actual abilities/range as a DJ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Alfred: the new ferrante? got it sitting on my coffee table right now

The Lost Daughter.

It's the husband's birthday weekend, so it was dinner and cards at my mom's last night, and tonight we're BBQing and having about ten friends over (I'm making a playlist for that right now).

"Rad as hell" sounds great, good to hear that. What kind of space/crowd? Sorry if you already said elsewhere.

Drunk Danny Devito encounter sounds good too!

I was in fact home watching PBS on Saturday night, true to my earlier post. Spent the day yesterday on my favorite seculded beach in Long Island, wish I was there now.

Which beach?? I hail from the island.
Y'all sound good, I'm getting a peaceful vibe all around which i love!
Last weekend was pretty decent in my world. I enjoyed the date i went on, he's super lovely. I think I'd like to see him again but not sure. I kinda deferred when he asked me. No kiss goodnight but i think there MIGHT be a breath issue... might need to just kiss him to find out!

Garvies Point. I know all the north shore spots as far east as Callahan's in Fort Salonga. Probably better than any other human who can't drive. Love the crazy geology, Garvies is the craziest of all.

Where in LI do you hail from? Lived in Sea Cliff for a couple of years in my mid 20's.

Super lovely guys deserve a second date, if you ask me. Which of course you didn't.

;)

I took so many dates to that beach, all year round. I'll never forget their gratitude.

Ha! 🤍 I started out in Stony Brook and then moved to Cold spring Harbor which is right next to Huntington. Stony Brook had some amazingly unique terrain.

I think you're right about the date. Since this is all somewhat foreign to me in this moment, I'm not so good at how to navigate things if the chemistry isn't right. Guess I'll have to figure that out sooner rather than later

PS I also can't drive! Wrestling with whether or not to try and learn in nyc...

I didn't realize that about the chemistry. It's definitely tricky to navigate, sometimes it can be dormant until you start making out or w/e other times it just isn't happening. It's all very foreign to me as well, has been for years <3

I know Cold Spring Harbor intimately well, of course. I was just there a couple of weeks ago en route to Caumsett. Had a bunch of friends scattered around Huntington at one time (it's huge!!) but I've still gotta make it out to Stony Brook/Pt. Jeff area.

I'm too nervous to learn to drive actually. I am a space case with a slooow reaction time. Someone once told me if I can walk around without bumping into stuff, i should be ok to drive. But like, I've broken my nose 3 times walking into walls.

Omg. No I totally hear you, I'm deathly scared because I'm such a nervous nelly. But honestly nothing would make me feel more liberated than to be able to get the f*** out of the city. You're also right about the chemistry, I really don't know if it's there or not yet. I think I just have to figure out how to move forward if it isn't.

Port Jeff is actually pretty beautiful. It's charming over there, without being fussy.

my favorite hang buddy is back in town after a long time - i have to tell u I'm honestly not sure when the last time I had sex is and i think I'm def ready lol

I had a fun night the other night going out to the local bar and hanging with a really cool trans lady I met there. we came back to my place after and just talked and hung out for the rest of the night it was super nice. sometimes you just meet somebody who's flow goes with your flow ya know?

Had my first hookup with a young feller; we'd danced around each other since late June, a friend of friends. He's quite young, and for the first time ever in this sort of thing I sense the differences

I sense the differences

uh, vive la différence?

go away

I've given this a lot of thought and here's a broomstick. Go fuck yourself.

Wtf

Flagged

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6d/66/26/6d6626999a0306532878ecb034966a47.gif

omg what's happening in here!

Alfred what's he look like? good chemistry?

Fight, fight, doesn't anyone eat anymore?

i'll tell you what i'm gonna be eating is popcorn when i go see CANDYMAN tonight

I'm going to be eating candy when I go to Popman tonight!

what is popman??

ok candyman was good y'all

I ate candy last Friday night!

what kind?? i'm also here to tell u that if u come across a twizzler alternative called RED VINES - run, don't walk, away!

i think me and a fb have set a date for Saturday - it's been a minute i hope i remember how it's done

The hairy moist kind. It tasted good.

Red Vines are really good

omg

lol! i respect this opinion my friend.

my thing fell throughhhhhgggg grrrrr 😶😶😶 although i did bring home an amazing human the other night, a trans chicka who i met at the pool table ( she was kicking ass ). we had a great time but there was no sex. it definitely fed my mind tho.

um SO - i talked to another man this weekend who loves red vines. i honestly think this might be like a missing taste bud issue for me. wassup y'all. give me the late summer updates. i want it all.

red vines are ok, just think of the mention of them as sexual come-ons

just that that kind of banter sounds flirtatious to me

hey so i went on a date with a costume designer with a mustache - i think there might be a second date - he's real sweet. tall and handsome, thinks i'm cute. not mad about it.

Elvira is one of us!: https://www.avclub.com/elvira-actor-cassandra-peterson-comes-out-1847719555

Just in time for Halloween!

i saw that! she's so gorge

hey so what are our thoughts on manscaping

i've just had a bit of a buzzer accident lol....

Mandatory for much of the population.

yes ... granted it does make me look beefier lolo

the only thing i take a razor to is my face

ok let's be VERY CLEAR - i take no razors literally anywhere on my face or body lol

ugh gross

Having my first come-over date since early 2020!

ok let's talk about this - have you met in person before?

No razor except for the neckbeard, but clippers in plenty other spots.

you can't have that much fur tho yah?

xp i'm just sayin' - i had my first coming over date since lockdown started a few months ago and i realized only AFTER i opened the door that i should have done a more exhaustive quality check

Yes! We had one petting session four weeks ago; now I hope to perfect it.

<3<3<3<3<3 excellent!

I'm can only accept a beard for the first couple of days, it looks good for those two days only, then I have to shave

i don't really do any manscaping but you know what bothers me more than ever these days is my eyebrows. i have to snip random wild hairs every few days, they drive me crazy. there are always more a day or two later. i had a dream about it last night lol.

honestly trimming and shaving is such a pain in the ass but i always feel so much better afterward. i'm still doing the covid buzz. i've gotten used to it. going to a barber used to feel like a luxury but now it just seems like a big headache.

i much prefer under manscaped to over manscaped tho i generally found most guys to be w/in some acceptable normal range. a teeny little trim is prob all i require tho in the end

i had a fun summer, we went to provincetown for the first time and wow, lots of naked guys and having sex on the beach. we had sex on the beach! (twice). we met this one kid there (he was prob like 22 or 23) who came down from montreal by himself & had just had sex w/ a couple behind us while we were having sex. we talked for a while and then went and got drinks, then we dragged him to a party w/ some of our friends from new york who happened to be there at the same time. then the three of us went back to our hotel room but he had taken too much ketamine so we didn't end up doing anything except sleep in the bed chastely & then he had to leave the next day. i really don't like ketamine! i've never taken it but it's very popular here & i find it turns ppl into zombies

I tried ketamine once on Fire Island, I liked feeling loose but it was only momentary bliss. We had to prop my friend Joe up because he almost passed out

I trim my underarms and my chest hair, but not down to the nub, just to a manageable level. Having a haircutting kit with multiple different sized stand-offs is very useful.

Keta is a gross thing that I'm convinced has taken root in the back of my brain waiting to jump out like the old couple in Mulholland Drive.

I don't even drink rn.

Probably why the hair's growing faster than ever.

am a little concerned about by my eyebrows too since my haircutter always trimmed them, but am wondering how long they can grow

with my head I just bend down over a hardwood floor with a mirror and trim it in every direction using a #3 standoff until I'm sure I've done it all, then use double mirrors to completely shave the back of my neck. it is so much better than sitting for a $96 dollar haircut

sex anywhere outdoors is kind of a logistical challenge ime. how did you deal with sand or was it just like bjs and such? lol i guess that was an angle for more details.

i think i still have some 'gay party' itches to scratch but i don't know what to try / where to go next. guerneville sounds like fun. i've always been attracted to the eagle type crowd and so has my boyfriend but gosh there's a lot of masculinity theater and insecurity and general conservatism and bad vibes with those folks and i'm feeling a little burned out on that. it's hard to know where i'd be comfortable and enjoy myself. we want to open things up but we're both pretty hesitant about the locals here for various reasons. doing it when on vacation seems like it would be ideal.

i've never tried ketamine and it's confusing to me - like it's for depression but also a party drug? i spent a year doing a lot of gbh when i had access to it, that was fun and i miss it tbh, it was a better social lubricant than alcohol, the second dose made you really horny, and no hangover to speak of (although i would get g-overs which were like, just feeling pleasantly haggard). i've been totally sober for about a month because i ran out of w33d (and i quit drinking a year ago) but we're going to colorado next weekend thank god. it's been good to take a break i guess.

I learned a great deal from MDMA, life-changing shit.

have had sex a few times on North Baker Beach in SF, that part of the beach is separated and is hard to get to

I was sleeping nude on the main Baker Beach and was awakened by a ranger on a horse, asking me to cover up! It was embarrassing

I met a hot bisexual guy there

if it could teach me how to stay up past 9 pm on weekends i would ask you to mail me some. xp

i think i've been to north baker beach! it was fun. i like nude beaches. i've had some fun at san onofre in san clemente. it's really beautiful there.

aren't there like some old cement-block ruins on north baker beach? i seem to recall having a few encounters around something like that lol.

honestly at least once a week i wonder why on earth i'm not living in california, i really like it there. oh right no money. but utah is so incredibly shitty it will drive me out of here one of these days.

xps It could teach you how to stay up past 9 a.m. on weekends

lol i forgot it's a stimulant. i've done it once! but it was after 2-3 g doses so i didn't really feel the effect.

re North Baker Beach, there are old WW2 military fortifications above the beach

sex anywhere outdoors is kind of a logistical challenge ime. how did you deal with sand or was it just like bjs and such? lol i guess that was an angle for more details.

yeah i just mean bjs and such. tho we did see a couple one day having actual sex. otherwise it was just guys sucking each other off & the like, pretty cruisey, some impromptu group action (of which we were observes not participants) etc. quite fun to be around esp this summer after like a year plus of not being able to go to parties where you might run into such a thing, tho in nyc that's not quite my scene

i've not minded being around ppl on ketamine when it's like 6 am and they're coming down off ecstasy and looking to taper off or whatever, in that context i get it. you can smoke some weed and chill out in a similar manner. but at least ime recently it's replaced molly, coke etc as a night time party drug and while i'm sure it's fun to be on, it's really not fun to interact w/ ppl while they're on it. they kinda just stare you in the face and you're like "is any of this going thru?" mdma is a more social drug and more fun to be around ppl who have taken it

guerneville is fun map - we went to lazy bear with friends a few years ago and mostly found it very friendly/flirty

shrooms are the hardest thing i’ve ever done, when they hit right i get real cuddly on them. never tried gbh but have kind of an unpleasant association with it from a grindr hookup i had years ago where the guy seemed incapable of doing anything in bed without it

It's strange, I feel like maybe I scratched all my itches a long time ago...gay destination stuff and gay bars just don't ever really appeal to me or enter my mind anymore as something I'd like to do. I'm still pretty gay, tho, and have a lot of gay friends...just kind of left party culture.

❤️
I go back and forth. I was super relieved to have all my gay places reopen after lockdown. but also super unimpressed with myself that I could still so easily get stupid sloshed and forget how to talk to anybody before winding up at the all-night diner at 3:00 a.m. eating banana cream pie all. by. myself. although TBH I was grateful for the reminder of the pie, which I had totally forgotten was a thing.
I used to micro dose MDMA and special K back in high school. for a kid with crazy nxiety but it really is a whole other thing tbh

Oh man, come-over petting sessions are what I miss the most. NYC transit-dread and had pretty much killed any interest I had in going out at night by the time I was 21.

Are shrooms harder than coke? If so, they're the hardest thing I've ever done, too. Coke never really did anything to me other than give me a headache, so I have to assume I'm doing it wrong. But the last time on shrooms was a nightmare, curled up in the foetal position for hours in absolute misery. I've had the cuddlies with them, mostly coming down. But never again.

I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all approach to manscaping. I think the ideal is a moving target for most people, too. Age does its thing. I still trim most places but not as aggressively or as frequently as I used to when I was 25.

I recently buzzed my hair for the first time in a few years. I am embarrassingly good at doing haircuts of all kinds, and my short, brushed back curls were simple enough to maintain at home - I just felt the urge. Buzz cuts are hot, I would have loved to have a date do it for me.

The thing I remember about outdoor sex (it's, uh, been a while) is not thinking about the logistical stuff, having a reckless attitude, invariably having an even more reckless partner, doing unnecessarily stupid things like trespassing and generally being sloshed enough not to notice cuts and bruises until the next day.

Eating a banana cream pie alone in an all night diner probably appeals to me more than talking to people in a club most of the time, I never know the right way to talk to anybody no matter how sober I am. I've unwittingly rejected every guy who's made a move lol.

I loved reading the last several posts. This weekend I’ve been reflecting a little more about where I’m at, what I need or want. We’re in rural western Colorado - nice outdoors, grim town.

Had great birthday sex last night after a lovely day of smoking weed and tromping around with the dogs.

good to hear, 💯

<3

jeremih's power....

No manscaping ever!!!!!

OH HI

2 weeks pass and i'm no less gay. alright who's broken out the sweaters be honest

Hardcore makeout last Friday evening with a 20-y-o arrested Monday night for protesting the Biden administration's Haiti policy. I'm proud!

o snap son! a 20-yo he says. what color hair?

Dark hair. Covered in tats. Wants to be a designer.

I have broken out my winter clothes, tho it's warm today in Philly.

spent the last few days in big bear where it was reeeeeeal cold, but the hot tub was very nice!

oh cool!! do u ski?

Dark hair. Covered in tats. Wants to be a designer.

― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, October 20, 2021 6:54 PM (thirty-six minutes ago)

well damn! sounds perfection

tabes wish i could cuddle up wit ya and have you read me a poem

lol i def do not ski, and there’s no snow in BB now anyway. there’s a month-long oktoberfest thing happening there now but we did not partake. curious to check out what they do for pride there some year tho

Hardcore makeout last Friday evening with a 20-y-o arrested Monday night for protesting the Biden administration's Haiti policy. I'm proud!

― So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn)

awesome.

Haven't worn a pair of socks or long pants since April, and not gonna til the temperature drops below 50 during the day. Maybe even 45.

I've worn a light jacket a couple of times tho.

I've worn a sweater for just about every dog walk I've been on (twice a day) for the past week or so.

Feeling great and productive these days after what was a shit month or so: my grandfather/last remaining grandparent died at the end of September, and I was hit by what, to my intense relief, turned out to be a particularly rough sinus infection (and not COVID). Nothing specifically queer to report, but I have a couple of gay-themed books (Garth Greenwell, Cleanness; Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Dive into the Waters of the World) that are up next on my to-read pile.

i love fall getaways. we went to grand junction colorado two weekends ago. mainly to get weed, but there are some nice trails there. it's at the very northeastern corner of the colorado plateau, so uplifted red rock starts to happen along the colorado river west of town. that side of the valley feels very much like the sticks, though we had good indian food at a newish place there.

weed can't be sold in grand junction itself, you have to drive east to the mouth of the canyon where the colorado exits the mountains in a town called palisade. wood frame houses, looks like early 20th century iowa, and sure enough, the town's settlers were largely from iowa. it was a mining town at first but some time along the way someone discovered that it was a good place to grow fruit trees, so that became a second, gentler industry. there are also vineyards there. and now, of course, two weed stores/farms, and some brewpubs and that kind of thing. cute vegan-friendly coffee shop. we had an excellent dinner at an au courant restaurant. one table over was this family of asshole conservatives who did the thing where they tested the waitress to see how servile she would be. they rudely called attention to her speech impediment. real pieces of shit (incredible waitress though). outside were what looked like a family of hoi polloi liberal types from further upslope who had come down for the warmer weather. colorado, man. the burger was very good, the peach pie was incredible.

not 'hoi polloi,' the opposite, lol

Ugh I miss the mountain west so much sometimes.

it really is incredibly beautiful sometimes. but it's hard to shake the feeling that everything is all wrong, culturally speaking, because we aren't supposed to be there.

tabes if you ever pass through utah, you have a place to stay

colorado is something i've only glimpsed in coors light and mountain dew commercials. lovely post, apart from the waitress abuse (ugh). how's the weed?

and anyone else itt for that matter! xp

thanks deflatormouse! the weed is good, i got some very nice microdosable 1:1 cbd/thc gummies and a decent vape cartridge.

Thanks map. Tbh don't know when I'll ever be there, but I do appreciate the offer. Likewise to you, if you're ever in Philly.

(And all of you, duh. Just need a heads-up, and you have to be okay with dogs and two sloppy gay men being crazy around you)

never tried that! i started smoking again in very small quantities during the pandemic after quitting several years ago. it affects me very differently now and i only seem to enjoy it when also drinking. otherwise, the smallest amount gives me the fear :(

xxp

you have to be okay with dogs and two sloppy gay men being crazy around you

^^that sounds great! who wouldn't want that??

Well, let's just we're not the cleanest people.

i haven't cleaned the toilets in weeks though i pour a little bleach in every once in a while to cut the smell.

i never fold laundry. i take it from the dirty pile on the floor, wash it, put it in the clean pile on the floor.

omg

lol

i just spent a $135 on dry cleaning. but differences realllllly do make the world go around. i would hate me if i were another person. 100% on the place to stay in Brooklyn btw.

that waitress story though. so, funny thing - "incredible waitress". it's just a great thing to say, and think. it happened to me the other night when i was out with a girlfriend. i was like - that waitress is incredible. my friend was like she literally just smiled at you and took your order. i was like yea and i guess you were probably pretty used to that growing up as a gorgeous straight white lady. i cannot hold my tongue in situations like that. wd prolly get beat up quick in CO

i plan on being baked all wknd btw hope yall can join in on the fun. movie recs pls. i v been wanting to watch dazed and confused lol.

have 2 films I'm currently in the middle of - Only Lovers Left Alive and The Holiday

it's Practical Magic time of year as well weeeee how's everyone's weekend?

I hope you mean the Cary Grant/Katherine Hepburn Holiday!

spent the last few days in big bear

o my gosh no i'll add it to the list! xp

ugh i was having the best morning, y'all, and then i was about to go for my favorite bike ride and i had a flat— a pinprick puncture, very difficult to keep track of, and by the time I'd done everything I need to do, I didn't have time for the ride anymore.. :-(

nooooooo. that's so annoying! what are you going to do to make yourself feel better with your day?

Get baked and listen to nice music while I work, seems like!

lol

listening to this one in anticipation of the LOW poll. am i the only queer who adores LOW?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYhIcT1nFsw

me!! had been an on-and-off fan starting with ‘secret name’, then ‘double negative’ made me reevaluate their whole back catalog and am now a permanently-on fan

i used to be but i'm just not feeling em these days.

i've posted about this before but i have baggage re: mormonism and this band that makes it hard for me to respond to their music at this stage in my life with anything other than an eye roll. it makes me happy that other people get a lot out of their music though, we all need that.

i do still love "sunflowers" though

i used to be but i'm just not feeling em these days.

Same, although I always like two-step and a few others.

I'd loved them long before I knew they were Mormons, and tbh, I just don't care. But I wasn't raised in the church, so it's easy for me to say such a thing.

your day sounds great T
I'm trying to make edibles my regular jam as opposed to flower
it's a work in progress

(can't beat flower for making music though)

I use a vape pen of a light sativa hybrid during the day and switch to straight hi-thc indica in the evening.

did i tell you guys about my crazy THC overdose situation early in the pandemic? last may i was having several nights straight of bad/no sleep and my husband suggested i try this THC oil that he had gotten from a dispensary. we both ended up taking some that night, the same dosage each, sublingually, except i'm a lightweight and i woke up in the middle of the night giggling my head off because i was SUPER stoned. like, higher than i'd ever been in my entire life probably. it was fun for about five minutes and then it swiftly became extremely not-fun. i kept having to get up to go to the bathroom (steadying myself along the wall as i went because i felt so woozy/disoriented) in order to drink water to counteract the dry mouth - like four or five glasses at a time, and then i'd feel parched again fifteen minutes later. i then somehow managed to convince myself that i'd choke on my own tongue if i fell asleep (???) and i started panicking. woke my husband up (he had none of these issues and fell asleep promptly) and i made him hold me and calm me down and then maybe after an hour or so i eventually fell asleep. good stuff!

anyway, w33d remains a once-in-a-while thing for me. been doing a lot of reading about vitamins/micronutrients lately. i've started taking magnesium glycinate pills before bed and i think they've helped with sleeping, plus i feel a lot less groggy in the morning when i take them.

the pandemic turned me into someone who had weed around but didn't use all that much all that often into someone who has a medical card, a vape pen, and several methods for smoking flower, including a bong shaped like a dick that Theo made me.

woke my husband up (he had none of these issues and fell asleep promptly) and i made him hold me and calm me down

awww this is what husbands are for lmao <3

and kitties tbqfh

had a bad day at work where my supervisor made a decision for me about some stupid nit-picky little thing that doesn't make any sense and said she was "pulling rank" :((((((

ew

who says that

clearly anyone who says she's pulling rank doesn't have much rank to pull. doesn't sound like a good human day for her.

DONNA - that is terrifying! i've had some horrible experiences involving too much weed but i don't think anything that bad. geez. you made it <3

my weed smoking hit its peak during the pandemic… spending like $400/m. then i quit for two months and now only smoke socially, don’t have it in the house. i still haven’t completely rewired my brain to not want it after a long day or on a rainy weekend afternoon but i get by

i will say I'm not sure it's done any wonders for my short term memory. have absolutely no idea why I walk from room to room half the time.

ugh i was having the best morning, y'all, and then i was about to go for my favorite bike ride and i had a flat— a pinprick puncture, very difficult to keep track of, and by the time I'd done everything I need to do, I didn't have time for the ride anymore.. :-(

― I'm a sovereign jizz citizen (the table is the table), Monday, October 25, 2021 12:20 PM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

I got puncture-proof tires from Firehouse (above Satellite) and have never looked back. One's a Gatorskin and the other's some other brand I don't remember bcz I got them several years apart but I've had the Gatorskin for like 5 years without a single flat. They're pricey but worth it in the long term imo.

gay sex is gonna be in my life this year, after about 20 years. been talking out non-monogamy w/ my partner over the pandemic and it's going really well. i'm so excited tbh. when i was last with guys i was a teenager and i didn't know who the fuck i was, sexually, emotionally, in any regard really lol

look at you!

i know! i am proud tbh. i want it all

I know it isn’t for everyone, but I heartily endorse exploring non-monogamy! It’s improved many aspects of my life in the five years I’ve been practicing it. My pandemic would have been so much worse without my metamour in the picture!

Oh, metamouuuurrrrrr
Expanded my heart
now I'm achin' for youuuuu

LOVE these posts. marcos that's so exciting!! nicole how wonderful <3 yay options!

We've been happily non-monogamous since 1985, with very few problems along the way (I mean, there's always scope to act like a dick, and sometimes that's inevitably happened on both sides, but with no lasting damage done, and the good times have vastly outnumbered the bad). The same level of trust is required as for monogamy: instead of trusting that he'll never stray, you trust him to always return. Full disclosure on both sides; prior disclosure to any potential third parties; and them's all the rules we've needed.

That said, I reached the point about eight years ago where hook-ups were no longer for me, and so I stopped. The last time it properly happened, I had a moment of clarity halfway through, and that was that. Meanwhile, his activities have now mostly reduced to a long-time shag buddy in another part of the country. So there's been an arc.

had a bad day at work where my supervisor made a decision for me about some stupid nit-picky little thing that doesn't make any sense and said she was "pulling rank" :((((((

― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Tuesday, October 26, 2021 12:45 AM (eighteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

lol that i blurted this out on this thread, but we talked about it and cleared the air.

on the non-monogomy subject, i've been talking with my boyfriend about opening things up. we played with a third once in the summer, but my boyfriend wasn't that into the guy, and the guy ended up becoming too demanding, so i guess our first foray wasn't successful. i've always liked dark rooms and cruising and that sort of thing, and my boyfriend isn't necessarily opposed to that, but i'm honestly not sure what i want. we're going to try a couple scruff profile - that way we can block the ex and look for chemistry and so forth.

Full disclosure on both sides; prior disclosure to any potential third parties;

^^this is def necessary if you're gonna be open. we had a long talk about it at first where we laid down ground rules (friends are off-limits, if we do anything with anyone we tell the other person no matter what, etc), even bought a book to guide us through the process. our openness has evolved as time has gone on; at first we were doing things with other people whenever, but right now we're at a stage where we only do things with other people if one of us is out of town. having said that, i quit using hook-up apps even before COVID struck, haven't rejoined and don't particularly want to. (i did have a finsta for a spell but have since deleted that too.)

I'm glad that hook-up apps weren't around in my heyday; they're not for me. I had Grindr for about a year, 2010 to 2011, but mostly used it to chat to my friends. It did come in useful while I was working in Manila for six weeks, when the only other social alternative was visiting the same ex-pat sports bar with my colleagues night after night. My best hook-up from that time is still a friend to this day, and he's stayed with us a few times.

We've been with friends! Hasn't been a problem!

We've had hook-ups here and there and had a regular third with a friend for a while, but nothing in a long time. I think if Covid hadn't happened, we'd probably have had a more recent conversation about opening things up, though we're still technically open. Tbh, I just really want to suck dick more often! But I'm fine with waiting, too.

Fwiw, we were friends with that regular third, and while I wouldn't say we're "not friends," let's just say that they tested our boundaries in a way that pissed us off, and we won't be inviting them back to bed any longer

part of our issue with opening things up is where we live. my boyfriend has lived in salt lake city for a long time and let's just say he has a history with a lot of guys here, lol (it is truly a small town). his last partner was super dishonest but they were playing around with a more visible cohort of play-around types who he feels were also disrespectful. i feel like both of us would loosen up a little bit if we could turn over a new leaf somewhere else. thankfully we mesh as far as what we want from play, except he is more cautious about protection than i am (understandable considering positions iykwim), but we already have some agreements about disclosure and testing etc.

typing all this out is making me think that we might want to revisit the discussion and focus less on play-together, more on play-apart, since we have different needs, histories and comfort levels. but he's a voyeur and i'm an exhibitionist, so if we can find something that works together, it would be fun for both of us.

my previous bf and i were open & it worked great bcuz he was traveling to DJ a lot or playing late in nyc & staying out all night etc, we had a lot of time apart where seeing other ppl made sense and was clean & easy. (mostly, anyway -- i had a lot of fun w/ one guy for a while but eventually he wanted more out of me than i could give.) tho it did eventually trigger our (much needed) break up (my ex met a guy in europe he thought he could be with & that did not end up being the case) it did, for the last year plus of our relationship, relieve a lot of latent tension and bring us closer together. (we're still very close friends, probably closer in a lot of ways than we were as partners.) i'd like to be non-monogamous to some degree in my current relationship but our social lives are much more intertwined and i'm not sure what i would want, or what would make sense, given that we rarely spend nights apart, neither of us regularly travels w/o the other etc. i don't think i want to be on apps & stuff like that, but i would like to enjoy the scent of another pair of balls, basically. we did have an aborted threesome in ptown this summer because the third took too much K and passed out in our bed, but i'm not sure i'd want to become a threesome couple. but maybe i would! i guess i've never tried it, perhaps it's a path forward

lol at "threesome couple." there is a funny power dynamic to that arrangement, isn't there? is it a cliche? i'm so unfamiliar with whatever the standard-issue open relationship arrangements are, haha. sometimes i feel a little bit weird about how uhh object-oriented i am when it comes to playing around. but i guess it's not that weird if my emotional needs are met in a primary relationship? and there are plenty of guys out there who enjoy being objectified i guess.

i have this fantasy of getting to know some other men through sex and then just being friends or even just smile-and-hug-on-the-street friends.

sometimes i wonder about just keeping things closed - that can have a really hot element to it. and if it's more of a bother than a stimulation opening things up in the first place, it would make sense. but i definitely have the itch for some variety. and sorry to go there, but let's just say there are two votes itt already for one of the activities i like to be on the other end of, lol. my boyfriend has a very small mouth - though he does an admirable job with what he has! - and that's probably the thing i would most like more of.

more small mouths?

we had a lot of time apart where seeing other ppl made sense and was clean & easy

i have this fantasy of getting to know some other men through sex and then just being friends or even just smile-and-hug-on-the-street friends.

One of the joys of the gay life. I still talk to tricks and ex's from two decades ago.

I have definitely stayed friends with a number of former flings and exes. I also hate-follow a few of them, one guy in particular is the most annoying type to me: US expat into leather and sex culture in Berlin, makes so called "art" related to leather and sex culture, clearly works out a fair amount. He was fun when we were in an orgy together but Christ he's such a cliché, it makes me embarrassed.

such a wide array of experiences! i never fully realized how open my x and i were (wouldn't need to tell the other, friends not excluded...)

sometimes i look around and get really judgy about it, and then realize i'm not in an entirely different boat. i think judginess in the gay community can strongly mimic the way girls judge and are mean to one another, which is its own issue and something i'm trying to watch out for. don't want to be like that, or get embittered like that etc.

and of course, all of this with a grain of salt since my relationship is no longer. anyways, i'll be conjuring up a fall thread title shortly but talk amongst yourselves until then!

I'm Only Happy When It's Gay // LGBTTQQIAAP+ // Fall 2021

i have this fantasy of getting to know some other men through sex and then just being friends or even just smile-and-hug-on-the-street friends.
― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Tuesday, 26 October 2021

In the meantime you can disabuse yourself of sex and treat this existential problem by reading all 1200 pages of Juliette. No shirking when it gets too sadistic!