[1P3 ROCKTOBER] Ask Ned Raggett, ROCKTOBER EDITION

this just became thread of the year

it should be noted that for the last 6 questions, i checked the thread before we went out, and didn't give them to him until seconds before the camera started rolling.

pure, unrehearsed, spontaneous ned.

ned's voice is classic

next time yer in la, ned (and/or grady), i'll buy you a drink

Thank you all. I should note there is a bonus question that was asked of my sister which has not been posted yet.

This is the best thread ever and it could have only happened on 1p3!!

Maybe we all should do YouTube videos like this and make money from the internet fad that follows.

This is fantastic.

47. ned, will you be returning to socal soon to help battle these wildfires? i'm readying my ax and hose, personally.

47 was asked above but I will call this 47a

47a. Yes, I am returning to SoCal soon (fly back into LAX tomorrow night). On the subject of wildfires, I fear my abilities are somewhat limited, so moral support will be the extent of my help. This will consist of sitting on my balcony, smelling the smoke in the air and cowardly panicking.

This will consist of sitting on my balcony, smelling the smoke in the air and cowardly panicking.

youtube plz

nice job NERD FAGGOT

48. would you read this in your next video interview?

The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess. The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. The ring must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this.

Yeah!!

49. ned, i detect some midwestern in your voice. have you or have you ever been a resident of a midwestern state or perhaps is your family originally from the midwest?

Ned's family had to leave Raggettown, Okla., in the 1930's, thanks to the Dust Bowl and the Great Depression. Fortunately, years of avacado picking paid off and the family now has its own submarine fleet.

Do you think you sound like Harry Shearer?

50.

4 comparison:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keA81ZDKV54

ach, maybe not so much

omg youtube ned nonstop talking omg

he is not fake

51. What is your Black Metal name?

The dude never says "uh" or "um" while staring into a camera and talking for two minutes. That's talent.

Thank you all. Further comments and question answering may have to wait until I'm back home. I'm completely out of it and have to turn in now.

Ned, you are awesome!

Too kind of you.

48. I could do this. I do not know if I could have the appropriately furrowed-brow look, but give me time. It should be noted that among other things I know how to sign my name in tengwar. If you understand the previous sentence, good on you; if you do not, great on you.

49. This is actually a fairly common question, and requires some elucidation by means of an anecdote. (As is the case with all anecdotes, these should be imagined as being heard in a drawing room somewhere while the teller relaxes with some brandy and a cigar. The walls are lined with old leather-bound books with names like The Study of the Bogomils in Their Years of Exile, Vol. 2 and Life Among the Cannibals: An Interrupted Journal; on the floor is a tiger-skin rug, and obsequious servants stand nearby.)

In my younger days, I once visited a friend's family house, which is located not far south of here in the Dana Point region. I was not the only guest, with another person in attendance being a big bruiser of a guy who was both a graduate student in linguistics and a rugby player. We fell to talking, as is my wont and was presumably his. At a certain point, the other fellow noted that he'd learned what I assumed was a common trick among linguists studying American dialects and possibly others -- namely, that if I counted one to ten for him, he would be able to say what my own accent was, whatever it was. I obliged.

He frowned a bit upon my conclusion of the recitation and said, "Hm. You have Midwestern sports-broadcaster NON-accent."

I took this under advisement. However, there is in fact no reason for me to have this particular accent that I'm aware of. My parents are both Californian by birth and raising, while the roots on both sides go back in the state for a bit as well. Meantime, I spent no time in the Midwest when growing up, instead being raised in Hawaii, California and for three years in upstate New York. Given my proximity to the ocean for much of this time, it should have been expected that I would talk like a surfer or somesuch. Not the case, at least overtly, though I am prone to say the word 'dude' and the like. This therefore is the story of my voice.

50. I prefer to think Harry Shearer sounds like me, having been so captivated by my voice without having ever heard it.

51. Balto Flamegurtz

i will now and forever more automatically read every Ned post in Ned voice at top speed.

Good on yer.

52. Since you have rained on my Rocktober parade (this is not a My Chemical Romances song), should I copy you and do the YouTube Q&A videos of thine own?

53. If so, what locale would be best to film said videos?

54. The Spice Girls Reunion: will it last?

55. What emotion should I have after purchasing one of those Heineken mini-kegs, which I did last night.

52. Mentioning My Chemical Romances or anything similar to me is grounds for dismissal. The question is rendered invalid, but we will proceed under the assumption that the answer was 'yes.'

53. The best locale to film said videos, quite obviously, is a tacky theme bar dedicated to the use and abuse of the native culture which was supplanted by loud and boisterous European adventurers that cared for little aside from cheap labor, sex and otherwise living off the fat of the land (earned by others). Therefore you must consider your options. You live in Australia, a land well known for its cheery bigotry among far too many of your fellow citizens, as personified by the doof you have elected over there as your leader, who makes ours seem like Stephen Hawking crossed with Mahatma Gandhi. Ergo, you must find a bar featuring these essentials:

* cartoony representations of smiling Indigenous Australian children who are thoroughly pleased to be raised by stern government officials for the express purpose of wiping out any sense of core identity

* kangaroos happily leaping into an abattoir for the express purpose of creating rooburgers or whatever the hell you people eat (when not eating that finest of foods, koala tacos)

* stoned rich kids from the Gold Coast who think that they know what the Dreamtime means because of that good grass they smoked once with a putative 'wise man'

* lots of uranium, which you ship to the US on the grounds that that way you won't be invaded

Failing to find this exact theme bar, please go to your local Liberal Party office and film it there. The effect will be similar. (Bonus points if you include that elegant and well-spoken ambassador of Australia's qualities to the wider world, Lleyton Hewitt.)

54. It is the far future. Space has been colonized. Endless worlds have been opened up for human settlement. Theme bars featuring the exploitative themes elucidated above but with reference to nonhuman civilizations now cover many planets. Humanity has happily survived its most self-destructive impulses to infest a galaxy, and the universe yawns its approval in the hope that we will disappear like the festering itch we generally tend to be.

It is in this context that the reengineered DNA of the original Spice Girls will hold their press conference on a discarded moon of Sirius 7-A, beamed to all of creation. They are unstoppable. They exist beyond time and space. They will live while we all die.

(Well, I won't die. I've made arrangements. YOU people, you have your own problems.)

55. There is a line often quoted by philosophers and/or drunks (really, the 'and/or' part should be replaced by an 'aka'). This is the Latin phrase "Post coitum omne animal triste," whose antecedents, as this article demonstrates, are muddled. The express intent, however, is to assign a feeling of sadness among men after sex, presumably because having too much 'waste product' retained. (I refuse to delve into this filth any more than necessary -- I've provided you the link, take it from there.)

Clearly, the philosopher/drunks that Plato refers to (the idea that 'philosopher-kings' existed is a sign of pretension made by an errant scribe, clearly having imbibed too much retsina) meant this expression of emotion at the emptiness of their lives when concerning matters of the flesh to be matched by their own attempts at alcohol consumption, leading to other such psuedo-learned aphorisms as 'in vino veritas' and similar excuses that led to drowning their sorrows in the fruit of the grape and of similar foodstuffs.

The emotion you have, therefore, is that of anticipation. You already know, in your heart and head, that you will eventually be staring at said Heineken mini-keg, having consumed it while sitting amid your local Liberal Party headquarters. The stoned rich kids will have left. Lleyton Hewitt will have made his excuses because he has to go shout insults at people of different sexual orientation to his own. Even the smiling kangaroo cartoons seem wan and forlorn. You will sit, staring at your Heineken mini-keg, and wonder why on earth you did something so wretched, so foolish. Overwhelmed by emotion, you will weep bitter tears, and it is this delicious melancholy which you sense, happily, having purchased it the night before.

The situation however could have been worse. You might have bought a Foster's.

I was annoyed that nobody told me that the first glasses would be head (and not the good kind of head, haw haw) but anyway.

56. I recently moved and now live about five to ten minutes away from the suburbs where Lleyton used to live, West Lakes (before he sold out and moved to Sydney) - how will this affect my lifestyle?

57. Why were Americans so impressed when they found out that I come from the same city as Lleyton?

58. Do you think Lleyton and the Adelaide Crows' Andrew McLeod will patch over their differences and become best buds again, chillin' and illin' 'round West Lakes?

59. What do you think of Lleyton's sister, Jaslyn, and her exciting and fashionable new look?

http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,5718225,00.jpg

56. Your lifestyle is yours to abuse in whatever location you see fit. I would not abuse it in a place called West Lakes.

57. Americans, you must understand, are a simple species. Anything beyond their borders is viewed as an extension of EPCOT Center in Walt Disney World, and as such implies reduction of the world to something easily digestible. The Pacific is but a puddle, the Himalayas some foothills, and all has been organized for the existence of corn-fed people from the Midwest to come and go "Golly!" at when not eating something deep-fried. (People on the coast of course are wonderful and cosmopolitan souls in comparison, a viewpoint that we repeat to ourselves unceasingly in the misbegotten belief that it is in fact true, and thus does our great nation continue onward in its own very stumbling way.)

Somewhere in the mass memory in the US is the vague recollection that there were some Olympic games held in Sydney and that we won all the medals except those we didn't. We therefore have a kind and benevolent feeling towards Sydney and its surrounding environs, and assume all Australia is like that too. Saying you are from the same city as Hewitt implies to an American that you cheerily go along the beach saying 'g'day' to people all the time, as opposed to beating them up. And thus do you imprint yourself upon the mass mind.

58. They will not. Instead, they will fight the traditional Australian duel of stuffed wombats hurled at each other from a distance of twenty paces. Whoever misses the most times will be hailed as the most drunk.

59. You're not fooling me. That's the Aphex Twin.

60. Which member of Aphex Twin?

60. The dead one.

43. Why do you fagz on AMG give ***** to Dylan? Dylan is the most boringest thing ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWUgJwn12mg

-- gr8080, Sunday, October 21, 2007 8:40 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Link

<3 <3

Ned and gr8080 you guys are too awesome.

We do try.

ned did all the heavy lifting.

61. When can we expect NedsNudes.com?

62. WHY U BREAK MY HEART?

61. NedsNudes.com is a prospect, to be sure, but one that requires contemplation. This has to be determined first, namely, whether the domain refers to:

* images of one Ned, presumably myself, in various states of undress.

* images created by one Ned, again presumably myself, of others in such a state.

This is an important distinction. Some might well enjoy the former option, and I am flattered, but it might be that the latter would be more acceptable to the general public, depending on the exact content. Body fascistic standards of 'acceptability' are, of course, deeply problematic in this regard, since what is acceptable to one might not be to another, what is desirable to another might not be to one, and so forth. The result might be bitter arguments, recrimination, public embarrassment and ultimately bloodshed, which if it occurred during the photo sessions themselves (assuming the medium would be photography; it could just as easily be pen-and-ink drawings, Crayola scrawlings, or graffiti, for instance) would lean to staining.

Lawyers are currently working on this question. An answer is hoped for in some years.

62. You have confused 'BREAK' with 'BJORK' and 'HEART' with 'HEAD.' The only person guilty of bjorking your head is yourself. Do not trouble me with these petty complaints within your control.

Attention, attention. Rocktober concludes tomorrow. Last questions to be filed, plz.

63. Who do you prefer out the following people: Dan Perry or John Darnielle? 0P0.

64. Besides hanging out with me, what was your favorite part of your Hawaii trip?

65. Heave Ho (1:35:21 PM): can you ask ned on my behalf if he needs to empty his bladders and defecate like us lesser mortals?
Heave Ho (1:35:38 PM): http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=63&threadid=703#unread
gr8080 (1:35:59 PM): i thot u could post now
Heave Ho (1:36:10 PM): barred from 1p3
gr8080 (1:36:18 PM): oh.

63. Both are incredibly great people and it is my pleasure to have known them all this time. But forced to make a choice, it must be Dan. Our visions of the universe are too much in sync for it to be otherwise. (See, I can do a serious answer.)

64. My favorite other part was thinking how great it was to have time away from gr8080. (Likely this was your favorite part too.)

65. Regrettably yes. I say regrettably because I've been home for the last two work days with an intestinal bug. I trust I need not elucidate.

Poor Heave.

66 cure or chameleons

(you can only pick one)

66. Okay, it is official -- you are an evil bastard for making me choose.

67. mbv vs smashing pumpkins

67. Mr. Little seems to have missed out on the fact that Billy Corgan has spent the entirety of the past two years cheapening himself, the good name (in my eyes) of his most famous band, and pretty much a fair chunk of his overall existence with the awful travesty and everything associated with it that is Zeitgeist. Pissing on Mr. Corgan were he on fire is pretty much no longer an option, sadly. I would weep but I am made of stone.

MBV, now, forever. And amen.

68. will corgan ever stop loving god and wearing weird white raincoats on stage and come back to us as the cynical bitter serpent-tongued fucker we used to know and love?

ps. do you not think there are at least a couple of good songs on zeitgeist eg. 'bleeding the orchid'?

69. What if the next MBV album (lolz) is as bad as Zeitgeist?