Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

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So have you soured on your workplace, grady?

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Friday, 23 March 2007 02:59 (seventeen years ago) link

That sounds like something I might've heard or believed in 2nd or 3rd grade.

Did your co-worker have any suggestions about what kind of ruse might work for putting a twist of lime on a potential partner's snatchhole?

― Oilyrags, Friday, 23 March 2007 03:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear annoying co-worker now confirmed to also be stupid - if you are going to use another person's laptop to send email, log them out and log yourself in. Especially if you are using it to job hunt.

PS. The Montana State Highway Patrol would like you to know you are not qualified.

― Jaq, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 15:36 (seventeen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

i paraphrase, but basically:

"dear grimly. thanks for the e-mail you sent my colleague, which has been passed on to me. i'd like to open the attachment [nb, fact fans: the attachment was a fucking .txt file] in MS word. could you re-send the e-mail with the attachment pasted into the body of the e-mail so i can then cut and paste it into word?"

i despair. i really do.

― grimly fiendish, Sunday, 22 April 2007 22:15 (seventeen years ago) link

"Have a GREAT day." Sweet Jesus, George Carlin is right, in 80 years we get about 6 great minutes, so STFU.

― Dr Morbius, Monday, 30 April 2007 19:48 (seventeen years ago) link

now that i've identified the pattern, this has become more amusing than annoying, but one of my coworkers always waits until i'm one bite into my lunch to come over to my desk and ask me to do something for her. this happens at least 3 times a week...

― anhell*ca, Tuesday, 1 May 2007 18:57 (seventeen years ago) link

There was a sales rep who used to pull that shit on me, and the amount of "I'm sorry I'm not organized" humiliation I would put her through depended on the number of witnesses in the break room.

― Rock Hardy, Tuesday, 1 May 2007 20:06 (seventeen years ago) link

There is a woman at work who knows everything. Another lady just brought in her 6 week old puppy for a visit.

Mrs Know-It-All in a know-it-all tone: Oh I can clearly see he's going to be huge.
Mrs Puppy Owner, deadpan: It's a Pomeranian. How big do you think it's going to grow?

― Hard like armour, Thursday, 3 May 2007 03:03 (seventeen years ago) link

dear secretary,

you are a v. v. sweet lady, but the countries kazakastan, byran, mynamar, omad and mylasia do not exist. please consult a map, an atlas, a globe, your 9 year old's geography book... something. it's driving me crazy!

love,

-t

― tehresa, Thursday, 3 May 2007 03:11 (seventeen years ago) link

and oh yeah, please stop saving over documents in the database with new material. COPY and open as a new document, then edit and save. when we need to access it in 3 years and the doc id number brings up something entirely different/unrelated, it won't seem so harmless!

― tehresa, Thursday, 3 May 2007 03:19 (seventeen years ago) link

gawd anybody knows it's mylanta!

― lfam, Thursday, 3 May 2007 04:08 (seventeen years ago) link

Co-workers who keep 1) shrieking 2) cackling 3) talking loudly and condescendingly with that faux-posh-brit accent, today I hate you all. Please stop now.

― Jaq, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 23:13 (sixteen years ago) link

colleague who told another department that no, nobody on the features desk would be interested in having a ferrari for the weekend: i don't yet know who you are, but when i find out you are toast.

― grimly fiendish, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 23:17 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm not one to complain about people using certain words, but saying "AHAHABsoLUTEly" after any statement ever is really greating.

― the next grozart, Thursday, 10 May 2007 00:57 (sixteen years ago) link

Yeah, keep filling my inbox at 3:50 on Friday, you tubercular ass

― Dr Morbius, Friday, 11 May 2007 19:56 (sixteen years ago) link

Ha, Grimly, we had a similar situation with a vintage Rolls last year.

― Madchen, Saturday, 12 May 2007 07:55 (sixteen years ago) link

FUCKING STOP CRUNCHING ON ICE CUBES ALL DAY LONG, you perpetually thickheaded lazy ass cuntbubble who sits next to me!!!!! RAAARGH.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 05:08 (sixteen years ago) link

I don't know where to start with these cnuts this week.

Actually I do.

Dear Mr Big Boss Man,
Don't waste an hour of my staff's time asking them why they are leaving half an hour early for the airport. This wastes everyone's time including your "valuable" own and negates your original cuntish intention.
Regards,
O

― onimo, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:06 (sixteen years ago) link

Woman who comes in two days a week and does nothing,

Turn you fucking horrendously loud obnoxious ringtone down or at least be at your desk once in a fucking blue moon to answer the fucking thing. Even better, carry it with you - it's a MOBILE phone!

Regards,
O

― onimo, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:08 (sixteen years ago) link

Self confessed "luddite" bloke,
Yes we can check all the links in your document for you if you really can't work out how to do so yourself (if you put them in, surely you can fucking CLICK A MOUSE BUTTON?!), but can you at least get ONE of them right? Just one? Surprise me.

Regards,
O

― onimo, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:11 (sixteen years ago) link

Oh man that phone is ringing again. I'm going to smash the fucking thing.

― onimo, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Dear bosses everywhere. Team meetings do not automatically become "fun" just because you let us wear our jeans to them. And don't tell us you'd thought about having the meeting in the pub then decided against it because then we just spend the whole meeting thinking about how it might actually have been a teeny bit more fun if we were all pished instead of listening to people talking about sales targets.

love, staff everywhere

― ailsa, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 07:19 (sixteen years ago) link

Daerest commercial manager,

Sitting at the other end of the office bitching loudly about how the event I've organised for Monday and Tuesday next week doesn't achieve what you want it to achieve, when you haven't offered any input to the agenda at all, and you don't even have to go anyway since one of your staff is.

Teambuilding can be sitting round in the evening with a beer instead of abseiling down Cheddar Gorge, the difficult thing is getting a lot of quite important people in the same place, at the same time, and justifying it. Plus we're not allowed to refer to Teambuilding at all any more, the word is banned.

Hugs 'n' shit,

aldo

― aldo, Friday, 18 May 2007 15:09 (sixteen years ago) link

[iTurn you fucking horrendously loud obnoxious ringtone down or at least be at your desk once in a fucking blue moon to answer the fucking thing. Even better, carry it with you - it's a MOBILE phone! [/i]

cant you pour some water on it when no one is looking. and then when she comes back, go, oh weird, i didnt see anything, but i only just got back myself

― 696, Friday, 18 May 2007 15:19 (sixteen years ago) link

delivery of chairs this morning, sat there outside the office. so i pick one up and carry it in. it's bulky and there are two half-flights of stairs but hey... 30 minutes later and 5 people, all seemingly able-bodied, have since arrived and yet the other 3 chairs are all still sat outside.

― koogs, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 07:57 (sixteen years ago) link

"Can we all get together to discuss tomorrow's meeting?"

No, that would make it today's meeting!

― onimo, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 08:04 (sixteen years ago) link

I often wonder why people gossip so much. Don't they realize that if you talk everyone's back, people get easily bored by it?

― nathalie, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 08:10 (sixteen years ago) link

Memo to receptionist at magazine: when scheduling lunch cover, please feel free to staff the phones with someone who is not patently terrified of answering them or routing calls.

― suzy, Wednesday, 23 May 2007 08:51 (sixteen years ago) link

Stupid, annoying manager of support team just brought down part of our website running a ridiculous SQL query on our live production table, not using NOLOCK and doing a LIKE on a fucking TEXT field. When oh when will DBA just revoke her access FFS.

― Colonel Poo, Thursday, 24 May 2007 15:18 (sixteen years ago) link

Lately I've been working in an open-plan office room in which there are no cubical walls and only chairs and tables. The programmer one table over has a Star Wars Imperial March ringtone and its loud enough to piece through whatever I'm listening to on my iPod.

― Elvis Telecom, Thursday, 24 May 2007 23:14 (sixteen years ago) link

You have non-leaking headphones, I hope?

― Mark C, Friday, 25 May 2007 00:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Hey, everybody loves Spaceman 3!

― nickn, Friday, 25 May 2007 00:18 (sixteen years ago) link

coworker says revelant rather than relevant..

― Drooone, Friday, 25 May 2007 01:45 (sixteen years ago) link

Coworker says "Elementary my dear Jackson". Dick. Head.

― Hard like armour, Friday, 25 May 2007 01:47 (sixteen years ago) link

I got sent a "Ho ho those illegal immigrants" poem a PFW today. The person in question is not the brightest, so she probably does not mean to offend. I reckon that the world would be happier if I smile politely rather than if I go all special voice on her.

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Friday, 25 May 2007 12:24 (sixteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

iPod's playing "Summertime" by Herbie Hancock

CO-WORKER: "That's not you, is it?"

― Pleasant Plains, Friday, 8 June 2007 15:45 (sixteen years ago) link

Bitch taking a day off even though she was told not to (this week).

― stevienixed, Friday, 8 June 2007 16:09 (sixteen years ago) link

(Not stupid, but EXTREMELY annoying and rude.)

― stevienixed, Friday, 8 June 2007 16:10 (sixteen years ago) link

I messed up a program at work and may have caused several hours of repair to database. Today, I am the stupid, annoying co-worker.

― Will M., Friday, 8 June 2007 16:18 (sixteen years ago) link

That's just a mistake.

Annoying is when they slam the microwave door or put their up on shared furniture.

― Ms Misery, Friday, 8 June 2007 16:32 (sixteen years ago) link

Well, it's a gray area. I should have been checking more thoroughly, so I should have caught it before it was a mess, but it also should have been coded properly. Either way, somebody fuxed up and it sucks now. :(

― Will M., Friday, 8 June 2007 16:43 (sixteen years ago) link

Annoying WCG* dude now has the fucking "pook.. pook.. PWWEEEEWWWT" walk signal noise as his cellphone txt notifier noise. It is holy crap loud, and goes of CONSTANTLY. Jesus fuck this guy is irritating.

(*windows calendar guy, see previous)

― Trayce, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 03:46 (sixteen years ago) link

you are easily annoyed, trayce.

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 18:48 (sixteen years ago) link

Dear my boss

I do not want or need to be friends with people I work with. I have ~~the internet~~ a life outside the office for that. I go in, I am civil and professional and polite for 8 hours, I go home. Stop making me try to discuss stuff I don't want to discuss with people I don't want to discuss it with, and then telling me I'm not a team player because I don't want to be bestest mates and drinking buddies with the people I just happened to end up in an office with.

Just let me do what you pay me for. I'm pretty good at that really. Msybe you might stop worrying about my ability to gibber on at length about Johnny Depp's attractivness or what happened on River City last night long enough to notice that.

love

P.S. if you ask me how to spell "supersede" and I tell you, if three other people tell you that it's spelled "supercede", that doesn't make them right. Get one dictionary.

Cheers
A

― ailsa, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 21:14 (sixteen years ago) link

Um. Both spellings are acceptable, Ailsa.

― Venga, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 21:17 (sixteen years ago) link

Not in my world they aren't. Grammar fiends and copy editors to thread!

supersede
not supercede

(from http://www.guardian.co.uk/styleguide/page/0,,184832,00.html)

― ailsa, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 21:27 (sixteen years ago) link

Heh, I like how my big post there was all ridden with typos. I can spell "maybe" and "attractiveness", honest. I just can't type on this crappy laptop.

― ailsa, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 21:30 (sixteen years ago) link

you are easily annoyed, trayce.

ONLY BY HIM GOD DAMMIT RARGH *flails arms* ok maybe youre right.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 22:04 (sixteen years ago) link

When you hear his phone go off, do you step away from your desk and stride down the hallway?

― Hard like armour, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 22:15 (sixteen years ago) link

i cannot believe how much my coworker complains about the heat. we work outside, in miami! what the fuck do you expect?

― lfam, Tuesday, 12 June 2007 22:55 (sixteen years ago) link

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