The Top Ten Earning Comedians - who's the worst?

I reflex voted for Larry without knowing that we had that ventriloquist guy (and there's another one??) on the list. Sorry Larry.

Larry the Cable Guy means never having to say you're sorry.

(and there's another one??)

I'm amazed people haven't heard of this guy. Does winning America's Got Talant really mean so little?
Technically he seems better than Dunham, is about all I can think of to say about him.

explain to me what dane cook's stand up is, dean of comedy

― truth bomber ginsburg (J0rdan S.), Sunday, September 27, 2009 7:14 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

observational comedy + yelling

alright, observations on society

how did seinfeld make $85 million??

― truth bomber ginsburg (J0rdan S.), Sunday, September 27, 2009 7:00 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

you know how his show still airs twice a day on three different stations on your cable system? it does that on everyone else's local channels too, and he gets paid for every single one of those airings.

yeah yeah yeah. $85 mill still seems awfully steep tho but \(o_O)/

jordan is like the tuomas of cuomedy

syndication money's crazy. i mean if you created a show like Seinfeld, that's basically the TV equivalent of owning the Lennon/McCartney songbook.

voting Jeff Dunham because until a couple years ago I thought the guy's career was just this little '90s blip and had no idea he had a hugely popular character named "Achmed the Dead Terrorist"

i need to create myself a sitcom

syndication money's crazy. i mean if you created a show like Seinfeld, that's basically the TV equivalent of owning the Lennon/McCartney songbook.

― guccislamic deejihad (some dude), Sunday, September 27, 2009 6:37 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

alright yeah this makes sense

However much you might dislike Dane Cook, I do not understand how anyone could possibly name him the worst of a list that includes Jeff Dunham and Larry The Cable Guy.

^^^

xxxpost yeah the dvd I had to sit through a few years back had a bunch of weird racist shit iirc

i remember kind of enjoying Dunham and Brian Regan in like 1991, and am amazed that they are both amazingly famous and fucking terrible in 2009

Is this top ten American comedians? I'm assuming it is - I have to admit I've only actively heard/seen 2 out of this whole list (Seinfeld and Rock). I've heard *of* about 2 others (Cook and the Cable Guy). Who the eff are the rest.

this is a pretty weirdly skewed list, imo, because there are probably a ton of comedians who crossed over to movies/TV that make as much or more, but presumably aren't on there because unlike Rock or Seinfeld they haven't done a standup tour in years. but at the same time only a fraction of Rock or Seinfeld's totals are from ticket sales.

for instance Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy and Jim Carrey would all be in the top 5 of this list if they'd been counted

Damn, I voted Larry the Cable Guy before I realized who Dunham was.

I’m standing beside this guy, I don’t know this man, never met him before in my life or in a past life, I can sense this. Standing next to this man, never met him before. He turns towards me and he sneezes like this, he goes: FUUUHH!!! He actually did like the robot from 85. FUUUHH! Yea, He turns TOWARDS me and he sneezed and there was no blockage, there was no hand or the mouth. I turned to the guy, I say “God Bless you” by the way when somebody sneezes. I don’t say “bless you” I don’t say that because.. I’m not the Lord. I can’t do that. I’m just a messenger for Big Guns up stairs, you know what I’m saying. And I never go with “gezundheit” I don’t know who even says that. If I say “gezundheit” I feel like I’m honoring Hitler like I should be like “gezundheit!!” I end up on the history channel cause the guy sneezed. God Bless You. This is what guy comes back with, this is where it starts to get out of control. Guy looks at me, and very condescending, He goes “*sniff uh… yea.. I’m an atheist.” Yea, what a jerk right? I’m trying to be polite, I don’t know you’re an atheist, and even if I did, what am I supposed to say when an atheist sneezed, “Uh, when you die nothing happens.” SO now, I start getting into like a religious debate with this guy. And it is awful, he’s questioning my beliefs, “Well what about you, what did you grow up?” And I say “Well I was raised Catholic, I was raised Catholic. As I’m telling him about my religious background he is laughing at me. He is laughing at me, he is giggling. He’s like “You believe this? This is ha ha. ha aw..” Now for his own entertainment, he says to me “Let me ask you this. What do you believe happens to you after you die?” And I said, “Well, ok um. Hopefully I live a good life and my soul goes to heaven. And when I get there, all of my ancestors will be waiting for me like it’s an airport. “Hey! What’s up? Guess who’s dead sucker, Ahaha! Come here.. come here, float over here, check this out.” I’m telling him this, he’s laughing even more. He’s so condescending, he’s so snarky with his f*&#king attitude. Yea, snarky. So he’s laughing at my beliefs, and finally I just snap and I go “What about you? Ok, what about you? Alright. What happens to you? You’re an atheist, what does that mean? What happens to you after you die?” Now he gets very serious, like he’s going to school me. Ok. He looks and he goes “Oh I can tell you young man. I can tell you. I know what’s going to happen to me after I die. After I pass on, my body will become one with this earth. From there, I will become a fertilizer for this planet. And with that, I will return as a huge beautiful tree.” That’s what this guy believes. He’s laughing at me, he’s gunna come back as a f*&#king ficus, Johnny Weeping Willow over here. I wanted to slam this guy so bad for this, right. But then I stopped. I stopped, you guys please hear me out. I let it sink in and I want you to as well. I hope when he dies he does become a tree. I hope he’s in the middle of the wilderness. And he’s doin his tree thing, whatever it is trees do. I know they do alot of work with breezes. And wouldn’t it be fantastic if while he was out there just enjoying his treeness, thru the woods a huge sweaty guy with an axe comes along. Sees him. Chops him down. SMASH! Put a chain around him, drag him through the mud and the muck, throw him into a saw mill, grind him up. Then you pound him down into paper. Once he’s paper, you print the Bible on him.” ~ Dane Cook

^ copy into Word and set font to comic sans for maximum daneage

We should do a separate poll for British comedians. I imagine most of the top ten are individuals most right-thinking people would punch in the face without a moment's hesitation.

i remember kind of enjoying Dunham and Brian Regan in like 1991, and am amazed that they are both amazingly famous and fucking terrible in 2009

― unban dance squad (Whiney G. Weingarten), Sunday, September 27, 2009 7:42 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i know people will throw tomatoes at me for admitting this but this is more or less how i feel about Dane Cook, when he was just some slightly animated stand-up that would pop up on late night shows and Comedy Central showcases now and again i thought he was pretty funny. he's gotten overly loud and annoying over the years but i still don't really think of him as the bottom of the barrel.

that dane cook bit is good to funny until he gets into the vindictive circle of life part

We should do a separate poll for British comedians. I imagine most of the top ten are individuals most right-thinking people would punch in the face without a moment's hesitation.

― Soukesian, Monday, 28 September 2009 00:52 (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

really wanna see catherine tate attempt an american breakthru

Yeah, Cook is like some local comedian that I wouldn't mind seeing in a showcase or something, but not someone I could ever become an actual stan of, and definitely not someone who should be as huge as he is. The thing is, he actually has the ability to be occasionally funny, which several people on this list do not.

So is Howie Mandel still doing stand-up, then?

God, that Dane Cook conversation, if its real

Asshole meets asshole

two butts beating as one

it's real, it's like the centerpiece of one of his standup specials

yep, and everyone in the audience gets all scary "YEAH... YOU TELL THAT GODLESS FAGGOT"

I know a lot of people have problems with Cook, but Dunham and Larry make Cook look like Carlin in his glory days. I mean, this and this and, especially, this manage to sum up everything about Dunham without really accurately conveying just how godawfully BAD he is.

And for Larry the Cable Guy, David Cross's wicked takedown of him is still pretty much accurate.

No results found for "Top Ten Earning Canadians".

i finally actually watched a few minutes of larry the cable guy. it was some special, and he really wasn't bad. if you ignore the schtick pretend his jokes are being delivered by some deadpan hipster comedian most of it's pretty funny. even drole at times!

i taped jeff dunham on a "just for laughs" performance maybe almost twenty years ago, and haven't really heard of him since. agog that he is making 30 million dollars now. when/how did that happen? who likes him?

Dane Cook is a funny guy who needs more funny material, but i kind of like him.

Howie Mandel?

how can you ignore the schtick when he's 99.9999% schtick?

No results found for "Top Ten Earning Canadians".

― Aimless, Monday, 28 September 2009 00:31 (6 hours ago) Bookmark

Russell Peters is a Canadian.

Is this top ten American comedians? I'm assuming it is - I have to admit I've only actively heard/seen 2 out of this whole list (Seinfeld and Rock). I've heard *of* about 2 others (Cook and the Cable Guy). Who the eff are the rest.

I think this is a worldwide list. I don't know of any British/Australian/Belgium comedians who make this kind of money? Although I wonder if Ricky Gervais might have made it on a good year with the right exchange rate. Although I don't know when the last time was he did a tour.

he's probably not in fact the worst, but I felt howie needed a vote. The other 9 don't make annoying Boston Pizza commercials on my teevee every day

I hate Dunham a lot, but I think he exhibits a sort of folksy craftsmanship. He seems like a guy who should rightfully be a big hit on the local scene, but has achieved more fame than he rightfully deserves ... whereas Cook is just this useless douchebag.

The others are all clearly better than either of them apart from Peters, who I don't know.

"a useless douchebag" is a pretty 100% otm description of dane cook

i finally actually watched a few minutes of larry the cable guy. it was some special, and he really wasn't bad.

yeah he's def. better than i thought he was based on probably the same some special. don't really know the deal w/ dane cook, i know i saw at least 15 minutes of some set, whatever

a poll where i didn't have to read from option 2 onwards. nice time saver.

Russell Peters is nearly funny on occasion. For instance you think he's going to do a bit about how it's kind of amazing that doing an Indian accent is still considered hilarious in many quarters and then he gets the lols from...doing an Indian accent!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw6RgIf6epQ

a poll where i didn't have to read from option 2 onwards. nice time saver.

Wait, are you saying Rock is the worst?

no 2 inclusive

We should do a separate poll for British comedians Did a search and this is the best I could find from 2006, http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2006/12/29/4870/where_the_funny_money_is I guess SBC, Ricky Gervais and Russell Brand would make the list now.

ricky gervaise and SBC would be the list

xxp saying Seinfeld is a lock for worst is only slightly less challopy

imo, imo

If I was to make a list of all the UK comedians who do arena tours I guess it would be close to a list of the biggest ones? So it'd be Brand, Gervais, Michael Mcintyre, Eddie Izzard, Harry Hill, Al Murray, Little Britain ppl, Mighty Boosh ppl and apparently Russell Howard (! - or is it?)

better keep his kids away from them

I think Dunham started to gain popularity when he created that horrifically offensive terrorist puppet. At least that's when certain relatives of mine started fwding his shit to me all the time.

http://videogum.com/archives/hate-watching/the_jeff_dunham_show_is_the_wo_097221.html#more

^^^fire post

also

http://videogum.com/archives/backlashes/you_continue_to_only_hurt_your_053971.html

every single time i see this thread i see it as *The Top Ten Ealing Comedians* and i think what a good idea for a thread but then it isn't that at all it is this.

yeah how is jeff dunham getting popular is jaymc stopped following his career

if jaymc

managed to avoid this guy until right right now; sounds spectacularly shitty

kept seeing these halloween decorations everywhere that reminded me of the dunham terrorist puppet

http://i37.tinypic.com/2iuthew.jpg

His Christmas special was the most watched program in Comedy Central's history.

...

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2009/11/01/magazine/01ventriloquist-span/articleLarge.jpg

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/01/magazine/01ventriloquist-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine

I'd wager Lee Evans (did the largest sell out comedy gig in brit history) and Lucas/ Walliams (Little Britain guys) would be in the UK list? Maybe Izzard?
Also i'd have guessed maybe the likes of the old-skool mob like Jim Davidson but then i recall only recently that he was in the news for being potless.

Making a good living in Dubai last I heard. Lucky old Dubai.

I think Dunham started to gain popularity when he created that horrifically offensive terrorist puppet.

I'd never heard of this guy but, as I am typing this, one of my workmates, who is a Muslim, is watching this on YouTube - he seems to know the routine off by heart too

my little brother complained the broadcasting complaints commission when they started advertising dunham's achmed the terrorist ringtones