Ask A Drunk

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I found myself! I am Calimaty of course. Here is my last MP post from 2005 and the prophecy:

My eyeholes leak. Maybe five or ten years down the road, long after Dr Greenspun spontaneously combusts amidst twenty-seven prostitutes, and the empire of Lusenet falls, yon weary and ravaged prattlers will remember... And with those fingers you'll caress the buttons and fondly reminisc about these times. How could you forget? The cathode rays have burned your sillhouette into the peeling "rustic look" wallpaper. When that day comes, you might remember names, but no faces, and you might consider that your mind has since turned to sand. (By the way I have constructed faces for all of the regular contributors. Rex, you once looked quite similar to that glass you raised). You might search the WWWW (yes, it'll one day reach that level) for one of these names and come across a new forum. One that contains these names as keywords on the front page, welcoming you back home. Then again, maybe not. Maybe we'll all completely lose our minds and we'll see each other in Prattle Heaven / New Heaven / Some Dissociated Plane Where Everyone that Doesn't Have a Place to Go Goes. Excuse me for now, I must get back to putting babies in my freezer. Did I ever tell you of the mocking bird that would'nt sing?

-- Calimaty (notmyadr✧✧✧@hotm✧✧✧.c✧✧), February 03, 2005.

whatwasmyname, Thursday, 3 September 2009 10:27 (nine years ago) link

WWWW == When We Were Witty?

Aimless, Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:37 (nine years ago) link

When we want whiskey, surely.

l'homme moderne: il forniquait et lisait des journaux (Michael White), Thursday, 3 September 2009 16:52 (nine years ago) link

Ho! Salvinorated Absynthe too. They say there are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

whatwasmyname, Friday, 4 September 2009 05:51 (nine years ago) link

what's this e in whisky business? poor show. I mean, I've heard of it, but I never gave the rumours credence. Or clearwater revival, for that matter.

Matt, Thursday, 10 September 2009 22:49 (nine years ago) link

The Irish and us like to do a little 'e' from time to time.

l'homme moderne: il forniquait et lisait des journaux (Michael White), Thursday, 10 September 2009 22:55 (nine years ago) link

Well naturally, you're only human.

Matt, Sunday, 13 September 2009 18:58 (nine years ago) link

four months pass...

I feel like I have to go out and buy a beer as soon as I'm done drinking the last one in my hand. And I;m almost done. I haven't drank since new years eve but this is not good... I mean I would love to have a beer accompany me for the wahhhhhhhhhhw hahhhhhhhwahhhhha I just want beerrrrrr

stop assuming I assumed something LOL (CaptainLorax), Friday, 5 February 2010 04:45 (nine years ago) link

I miss being drunk and its really been a long time and I was letting tonight be a night where I can drink freely

stop assuming I assumed something LOL (CaptainLorax), Friday, 5 February 2010 04:47 (nine years ago) link

So, I wake up from a comfortingly deep, snoring coma and find this, this, this Lorax draped over my supine body, like a foxtail boa around a silent film star's neck, except it stinks of gin and halitosis. Now I am pinned here and I cannot reach anything but empty bottles and a soggy ash tray that smells almost worse than this Lorax. I am getting annoyed.

Aimless, Saturday, 6 February 2010 18:17 (nine years ago) link

(prods the Lorax with forefinger)

Aimless, Saturday, 6 February 2010 19:28 (nine years ago) link

(gives up, starts to daydream about walruses)

Aimless, Saturday, 6 February 2010 21:54 (nine years ago) link

one month passes...

I'm here and now

Last night was the only day I let myself go this past month. I did nothing I regret. However I am still regretful this morning if only because I spent $20

I was offered money to snap a girl's thong (she was showing way too much crack). Thankfully I would never do that

CaptainLorax, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 11:26 (nine years ago) link

I must say that my friends put a little too much effort trying to get zings in on me last night (2/3 of them were drinking).

IMO doing an Andy Bernard impression (The Office) and singing the "pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty girls" part of Beasts of Burden isn't zingworthy. And especially not pointing out that I'm a constant drinker (obviously untrue) or that I'm swearing (big fucking whoop) or that joke I said wasn't funny enough for insecure non-drinker friend or that interesting thing from mythbusters was somehow an opportuinty to try to zing me for telling it... I think I just have a lot of insecure friends.

CaptainLorax, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 11:39 (nine years ago) link

funny how the girl in our group can get away with saying some absolutely boring stories (and I just smile and nod) meanwhile I got a target on my back just because insecure dude's try to zing the lady's man (Leon - that's my nickname when I go drinking LOL I like that nickname)

CaptainLorax, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 11:46 (nine years ago) link

one year passes...

-played a steam punk board game with my friend. I lost but that's how it goes when you play a new board game for the first time
-went out to eat at subway. Enjoyed the tunes on the radio
-bought a 6-pack of PBR tallboys. Watched Macgruber with my friend
-he thought it was dumb (he didn't drink). I thought it was hilarious. Thank you ILX for the recommendation
-friend left. Just chillin' by meself watching Project Runway. Waiting to get a bit more sober so I can drive and buy some smokes of some sort. I barely ever drink or smoke these days
-beach boys poll rocked you guys

stop listening to the lyrics so much. you're ruining music (CaptainLorax), Friday, 19 August 2011 04:24 (seven years ago) link

Be true to your school even if you don't give a shit about it

stop listening to the lyrics so much. you're ruining music (CaptainLorax), Friday, 19 August 2011 05:04 (seven years ago) link

hey lorax!

Shaq Fu, I wont do what you tell me! (jjjusten), Friday, 19 August 2011 05:06 (seven years ago) link

Wacka wacka wacka let's have a night out in the town

stop listening to the lyrics so much. you're ruining music (CaptainLorax), Friday, 19 August 2011 05:08 (seven years ago) link

partytown usa!

Shaq Fu, I wont do what you tell me! (jjjusten), Friday, 19 August 2011 05:10 (seven years ago) link

i have steadfastly avoided smokes tonight, but not beers. or snus. god help me.

Shaq Fu, I wont do what you tell me! (jjjusten), Friday, 19 August 2011 05:11 (seven years ago) link

While it may seem to you two that AAD occupies the same metaphysical space on ilx as an unoccupied chat room, it is far from unoccupied. As a matter of fact,when you came barging in yakking away I was dozing peacefully in the bathtub, where I was taking a short rest from whomping up a batch of bathtub gin.

Aimless, Monday, 22 August 2011 16:11 (seven years ago) link

Fine use of the verb whomping, there, Aimless. Carry on.

Vagin the vaguine (Michael White), Monday, 22 August 2011 17:49 (seven years ago) link

one year passes...

That man has recently immersed his head and left hand in a bucket of ink. And he has a pointy growth under his nose. What kind of a freak are we entertaining here?

Aimless, Thursday, 6 December 2012 04:59 (six years ago) link


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