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The Bible: the Conservapedia reboot

Jesus fucking Christ

I'm sorry that's a liberal interpolation and must be removed.

I assume the commandment about not coveting their neighbour's oxen will get promoted to number one?

love these guys

First Example - Liberal Falsehood

The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34:[7]

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.

A conservative Bible uses the richness provided in part by conservative language to fully convey the concepts. The original Greek and Hebrew may help sometimes, or they may be inadequate. "Logos" in the beginning of John illustrates this point, as the term is merely the best the Greek has to offer. "Truth" as fully understood and used today, as developed and popularized by the conservative movement (it's rarely used by the Left), is a better term to convey the concept.--Andy Schlafly 16:56, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

do these people know that they're leninists or what

Here are possible approaches to creating a conservative Bible translation:

* identify pro-liberal terms used in existing Bible translations, such as "government", and suggest more accurate substitutes

I don't agree that "if some concept was not adequately expressed in Hebrew or Greek it cannot be adequately expressed in a translation into another language." Parables, for example, transcend inadequacies in language and it is fully possible to take a parable written in a simplistic language and express it more fully in a richer language.
A conservative Bible uses the richness provided in part by conservative language to fully convey the concepts. The original Greek and Hebrew may help sometimes, or they may be inadequate. "Logos" in the beginning of John illustrates this point, as the term is merely the best the Greek has to offer. "Truth" as fully understood and used today, as developed and popularized by the conservative movement (it's rarely used by the Left), is a better term to convey the concept.--Andy Schlafly 16:56, 18 August 2009 (EDT)

oops.

From the Obama entry:

Barack Hussein Obama II aka Barry Soetoro[1] (allegedly[2][3][4][5][6] born in Honolulu Aug. 4, 1961)

wow that last one is super dumb; "logos" is an extremely important Greek term, and it most definitely doesn't mean truth in anything like the contemporary sense.
xxxxp

The Ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop (allegedly [1][2][3][4])

This is interesting. Pretty soon there will be conservative deconstructive readings, conservative hermenuetics, etc.

i wish they let you write on the talk page so i could ask when will this New Fascist Bible be available to the public

I guess this is an overly sincere response but it always depresses me when people subordinate their religion to their own complacency, ideological or otherwise

can't wait for the inevitable splitters groups to form, the arguments ought to be classic

this sort of collaborative effort seems pretty commie

do these people know that they're leninists or what

goole this is maybe my favorite politically related ilx post ever and I fucking salute you for real

this is so awesome

ha! thx j0hn

Accept the Logic of Hell!

Andy Schlafly 16:56

I briefly got super-psyched about the idea that these guys were actually inventing new books for the Bible named after themselves before realizing that was a timestamp.

I would be down with reading the Gospel According to HI DERE

ha hahhaa

In the beginning, there was the word, and the word was with Moz, and the word was Moz

I really hope that was not an attempt to write my Gospel, as it means nothing to me or to my life.

Jesus hung from the cross (in abasement)

This is much more likely to be part of my Gospel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxHCXoM2SGg

Also this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chYba6bt4aA

lol "(Radio Edit)"

i wish they let you write on the talk page so i could ask when will this New Fascist Bible be available to the public

I know. I want to ask them if it will be available in time for the holidays.

Looking at the current draft of the Gospel of Mark (at http://conservapedia.com/Gospel_of_Mark_(Translated) ), basically it seems like what would happen if the RSV was attempted by some dudes on the internet working off the KJV instead of a consortium of scholars working from Hebrew and Greek texts. Shocking, I know.

I was looking to get all het up about them bastardizing it, but really the only thing that rubs me really wrong thus far is that they do not seem to get the point of the difference between Jesus and the Pharisees, at all. The translation of Mark 7:2 as "They observed several disciples eating bread without first washing their hands, and used that to criticize Jesus" with a note asking "is defiled necessary here?" makes it seem like their whole conception of the Pharisees is of a group of people who wash their hands before eating, because it is a tradition and traditions were important to them. But Jesus was different! (Presumably not different in a liberal way; if anything, Jesus was opposed to the liberal fear-mongering of Pharisees subjugating an individual's right to not wash their hands.)

I am kind of amped for the translation of "outdo one another in giving honor" and "live in harmony with one another" stuff from Romans, though.

King James Version
And commanded them that they should take nothing for their journey, save a staff only; no scrip, no bread, no money in their purse:

Proposed Conservative Translation
He instructed them to take only a walking stick, and to bring nothing else: no bag, no bread, and no money in their belts.

Cause, you see, men don't carry purses.

I am kind of amped for the translation of "outdo one another in giving honor" and "live in harmony with one another" stuff from Romans, though.

i'm 100% sure they will translate this to mean those liberuls needs to get in line and stop dishonouring conservatives by disagreeing with them.

Benefits include:
* liberals will oppose this effort, but they will have to read the Bible to criticize this, and that will open their minds

for the record I fully support this effort of Phyllis Schlafly's son to "improve" the Bible.

Can't wait to see what happens to Matthew 6:6.

King James Version

No man can enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house.

Proposed Conservative Translation

"No one can break into a well-armed man's house to destroy his property, unless he first tie the man down. Only then can he damage his home."

Do any of these translation dudes actually speak Greek or Hebrew? Cause super lolz if they're rewriting the Bible from an already exciting translation.

It might not have been THAT exciting, you see.

Haha. Meant to write existing, but exciting works too.

http://conservapedia.com/Bible_Retranslation_Project#Examples

Conservapedia -
"Thou shalt not kill" Exodus

Real meaning - to murder or take up arms without sufficient justification

Animal Farm -
No animal shall kill any other animal

No animal shall kill any other animal without cause

New Term - homeschool
First Developed - 1980s
Potential Uses in a Bible Retranslation - relevant to Jesus teaching the younger Apostles

"Footnotes are a cowardly choice."

But Ann Coulter loves them!

New Term: media
First Developed: 1841
Potential Uses in a Bible Retranslation: relevant to prohibition against false idols

this website is a fantastic website

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another." John 1:16 (NIV)

"grace" has become a female name and a sports term to refer primarily to smoothness in style

Oh no! We cant have a Smoov Lord.