football cliches that drive you mad

xp
The first time I heard it, yes, but now (for this one particular commentator anyway) it's every high ball.

Agreed with ahoyhoy - that "they play football in the right way" thing is infuriating. Especially when mixed with reference to principles ("I try to stick to my pronciples"), ugh.

i thought a hospital pass was one likely to put the recipient in danger?

Any mention of "that night in Barcelona" during Man Utd Champions League coverage.

'pronciples' is a beautiful typo

yeah i thought a hospital pass was a pass that's a little bit short in a way that puts the receiver in danger of receiving a clattering tackle.

"He won't be happy with that"
"It's nice, but I wasn't really thinking about [reaching some milestone or other] - the important thing is that we got the three points"
"We're not getting carried away, we're just taking each game as it comes, we've got an important game against Birmingham/Crewe/Blyth Spartans on Tuesday night and we're focusing on that"

The concept of "doing the opposition's team talk for them"

"marginal" for offside decisions that can, with the help of the video replays that we have and the officials don't, be easily determined to be one way or the other is always going to be my no.1 irritant over here

I mean if Steve Bruce's method for getting Blues psyched up for derbies was sellotaping Olof Mellberg quotes to the dressing room door no wonder they kept getting relegated

Yeah, blatant intelligence-insulting lying about what you can actually see happening on screen is the most annoying thing by far

"It's nice, but I wasn't really thinking about [reaching some milestone or other] - the important thing is that we got the three points"
"We're not getting carried away, we're just taking each game as it comes, we've got an important game against Birmingham/Crewe/Blyth Spartans on Tuesday night and we're focusing on that"

I hear ya but from their POV I can see why being considered dull and cliched by ppl watching at home would be preferable to being considered shortsighted and/or self-centred y'know?

Also, "they don't like it up 'em" as if it is terrible to not want to be kicked and attacked.

There was a game two seasons ago where we played Blackburn and in the motd highlights Shearer used this. Which is great and all but while he was too busy spouting this cliche, they neglected to show Gamst stepping on Hleb's neck at one point.

yeah i thought a hospital pass was a pass that's a little bit short in a way that puts the receiver in danger of receiving a clattering tackle.

This may be why I've been confused listening to radio commentary because I thought it was a lofty ball which leads to two or more heads going up, leading to a collision and onto A & E.

Computer says it could be either but earliest use seems to be a short pass in rugby. Which makes more sense. Ouch.

"Last chance saloon"

Black players are invariably described as "athletic", as though non-black footballers were somehow not athletic.

"you've got style, you've got class, but most of all you've got love technique" from Fine Time by New Order sounds like it ought to be a football cliche.

xp
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d0/Foulke-sufc.jpg

"Samba skills" to refer to Brazilians. Especially funny when talking about Lucio or Gilberto etc.

Also, it seems to have gone away but the idea that African players were naive or just happy to be making a few bob and thus respectful. Eto'o, Adebayor etc. doing their best to show that Africans can be just as cuntish as Europeans or South Americans.

good point about samba. It seems to have become an adjective, synonym of Brazilian, cf Toon for anything pertaining to Newcastle

Haha yeah I doubt we'll be seeing much of that that idea for the foreseeable

xp

Never mind Gilberto - "samba skills" is used to refer to literally any Brazilian player. Case in point: Santos Gaia, jobbing, clogging non-league centre half, currently at Truro. (To be fair, he did score for Exeter against top-flight Charlton at the Valley: his samba skill in this case being a big header from a corner.)

rivelinho-esque header, by any chance?

"Get in!"

More Lescottian, to be truthful. Louis will tell you all about it, he was there you know.

"The lads've given me 110%"

"The gaffer's come in and installed a bit of confidence"

On Match of the Day, referring to a non-big-4 player as "the defender" because the pundit can't be arsed to find out what their name is.

referring to foreign or smaller players as lightweight without any reference to their actual aggression/tackling/style of play

"sometimes you've got to hold your hands up"

How teams like Villa/Everton/Spurs etc. will overtake Arsenal in the top 4 because you need an English 'spine' to be successful. Just like those really English invincibles, Cech-Carvalho-Essien-Drogba etc.

"I've seen them given"
Which is particularly annoying in that everyone has seen blatant pens not given at one time or another so therefore doesn't tell us whether the commentator thinks its a pen or not!
Cop Out!!

all the ferguson stuff becomes cliché within about 3 mins of him saying it.

"squeaky bum time"
"wouldn't sell that lot a virus"
"hairdryer treatment"

etc etc

obv yeah 110 per cent or even better 200 per cent, love this sort of word inflation.

"I've seen them given"

God, yeah, I hate that. See also "it could have gone either way" BUT IT FUCKING DIDN'T, DID IT?

When you play Bolton/Blackburn/Stoke/Wigan/any other bunch of unfashionable Northerners "you know you're in a game" because they get "in your faces" and "compete for every ball" and "get it forward quickly". This usually accompanied by the truism that Arsenal don't like it up 'em.

they'll run all day!

"fortress" "hard to play" because of the "12th man". Fucking hell, it must be so bewildering for professional footballers to play in front of people!

"bunker ball"

is a bunker ball like a suicide pass?

"plays with a smile on his face"

seldom said about white players

No morelike "scrub team goes up 1-0, plays 10 men behind the midfield line for the rest of the game". I just hate the term.

lol it's often applied to USA nat'l team ;)

"that was liquid football"

― Chewshabadoo, Wednesday, 26 August 2009 08:37 (13 hours ago)

I am going to shout this in a british accent every time I poo

The one about foreigners and diving (as though British players never dive)

"he's really expressing his artistry" or words to that effect.

No, he's playing football.

''He's used his experience there'' or ''He's been clever there''

No, he's been a cheating bastard

"Won" a penalty <------ only used when players from English teams dive, of course

"Teddy Sheringham is always such an intelligent player" </90's>

The one about foreigners and diving (as though British players never dive)

See also foreign keepers and their preference for punching instead of Properly British Catching.

"One for the cameras" <----- snidey comment made by former outfield players, who know fuck-all about goalkeeping and are quick to blame goalkeepers for every single goal conceded

Germany have been the most consistently entertaining international side for nigh on a decade now

xp since 06 at least? iirc they were still quite dreadful in 02 wc

I thought they were okay in 02, but yeah they've been great since they got a bit cavalier to cover up their vulnerabilities

They were okay in '02 but in '06 their battle against Italy took on almost a moral character for me, like the good vs the dark side of football.

the current Germany is definitely a beautiful machine! Actually so are all good football teams to me. I guess I just love the idea of machines.

Voller took them down a bad path but credit goes to both Jurgen and Jogi for the marked difference in the last 4 years

"just banter"