Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

http://a261.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00594/06/20/594990260_l.jpg

philipplahmforum.jpg is a better and more widely-applicable jpg meme than your crummy attempt mr acrobat

xpost

Those guys have never seen the inside of a Lush store.

Again, instead of buying Lush products you can just blend seaweed, olive oil and lye in a rectilinear mold, give it two weeks to "set" and bob's your uncle.

It's not the same if you don't buy it off a floppy fringed pierced guy called Jason for 28.95

they have guys working in there?

(xxpost)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f6/Fight_Club_bar_of_soap.jpg

Jason work in Boots. Hugo and Louis work in Lush. xxpost

anyone who catches me working in lush has the right to drown me in shower-gel

"he died of natural ingredients"

LOL

oh oh oh I can make a crap joek here!
Q: Did you hear about the robbers who held up a branch of Lush?
A: They made a clean getaway...

Today I went free to a big charity cricket function, ended up captaining the Popbitch XI, won us a game, and drank about 7 smoothies.

I have been on some sort of completely ridiculous sugar-rush ever since.

But there is more. Vitamin Water from Glaceau (owned by Coca-Cola) is a new product aimed at being our fucking mate. It puts Innocent to SHAME in terms of bloodcurdling label blurb. I collected the labels of all five different flavours, and if you're lucky, when I wake up I'll reprint them here.

They are, without exception, criminal.

http://www.glaceau.com/

Fucking destroy

OMG IN THE TOP CORNER ON THE SITE THERE IS AN ACUTE ACCENT ON THE E OF GLACEAU

THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MICROSECOND

THEN READ ALL THE BLURBS ON THE SIDE OF THEIR VITAMINWATER BOTTLES

THEN SCREAM A LONG LONG SCREAM

I THINK IF YOU ARE SO EASILY REDUCED TO SCREAMING

THEN YOU AREN'T GOING TO LAST VERY LONG BACK IN LEWISHAM

SERIOUSLY CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN YOU PASS A NEWSAGENT

FUCK'S SAKE

';)'

Did not 50 Cent originally own Vitamins Wadders and then sell it to Coke for many a pretty penny?

Yeah, $100 million. Credit crunch really hitting him hard.

Or $400 million. Or a coupla million. Anyway a lot.

so is this like the smoothie version of http://www.muffinfilms.com/ ?

Never heard of this product, but hating it so much already:

We'll spare you the cheesy "on hold music"

Thanks... Oh wait a minute it's a website oh that's sooooo meta FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

vitaminwater - it works

You know, because there are so many other beverage products that don't work. If I had a dollar for every time I've drunk plain old stupid water out of a tap and I've ended up feeling more thirsty...

fruitwater - natural is healthy, artificial is not

Here's some water containing extract of deadly nightshade - it's healthy, because it's natural!

so is this like the smoothie version of http://www.muffinfilms.com/ ?

I bet a lot of people go to that site expecting a different kind of muffin film. I also suspect that their muffins taste like styrofoam.

muffinfilms isn't actually a muffin company lol

Anyone who spends $4 on a bottle of Vitamin Water is a dead set cunt.

b-b-b-but it's got electrolytes!

It's got what plants crave?

(xpost) so does battery acid

I wrote to them two years suggesting that since they were on a mission to make the world a better place for you and for me and the entire human race, they might want to make themselves a worker and consumer co-op, so their groovy staff got a share of the business, and they could share the love with the punters, perhaps linking dividends to a scheme to incentivize recycling the bottles or returning them.

Amazingly, they never replied.

revive

fruit punch (b+potassium)

ahh home at last. it's late. you've looked and smelt
better. it takes a full five minutes to find your house
keys (plus another five to fit into the locks they were
uniquely made for) and now you have just bitten a
chunk out of your flatmate's block of cheese.
we've all been there, and it's not pretty. actually,
it's pretty ugly. but there is hope. here at the center
for responsible hydration we have developed a
revitalising livener of potassium and b vitamins to
help you wake up feeling like last night never
happened........unless you snogged your boss.

power-c

dragonfruit (c+b's)

popeye had it easy. a can of spinach and he
bulked up to save olive from the clutches of evil
bluto. sometimes we all need an injection of
strength. just ask dave who spent three days
wading through the mud at glastonbury (and three
days after in bed) or fiona who left early, minus her
modesty, when her portaloo® was washed away
into an adjoining field. oops! the nutrients in this
bottle won't enable you to walk on mud, or
become a strapping sailor man, but they will help
you beat your granny in an arm wrestle.

spark

tropical citrus (b+guarana)

ever wanted to skateboard down a really high
mountain but can't muster up the energy? ever
thought about doing a handstand on the wings of a
747 at 20,000ft but lack the get up and go? ever
felt like racing a greyhound but feel exhausted just
at the thought? this might help. with added
b vitamins, guarana extract and natural caffeine,
this drink will give you that extra spark, but please
note the word 'might'. after all, it would be
preposterous to think that a bottle of glacéau
vitaminwater, however delicious, could actually
help you do those things.

essential

orange-orange (c+calcium)

waking up with a mouth that feels like a hedgehog
slept in it. bbqing your finger on the toaster
because your eyes are glued shut with morningitis.
viewing a packet of prawn cocktail crisps as a
nutritional breakfast option because of the seafood
content. ah, glorious mornings. but, here's the thing.
set yourself up for better a.m's in one easy swig.
a gulp from thie bottle sends a bunch of essential
calcium and vitamin c swirling around your body.
so start as you mean to go on, every morning.
get this down you and ditch the hedgehog.

multi-v

lemonade (b-zinc)

today, it's simply not enough to do one thing.
trainers double up as roller skates, and printers
also fax, copy and scan. actually our friend gloria
swears she even found one with its own page on
facebook®. as for mobile phones, just about the
only thing they can't do is make dinner (we know
because rob tried to make pancakes - he didn't
quite get the idea behind a 'flip' phone, ahem),
to help you find direction in our mad world, we
created this drink which is full of nutrients, from
b vitamins to zinc. and no annoying ringtone.

made for the center for responsible hydration (aka glacéau).

30 may be the new 20, but green is definitely the
new black. please recycle.

These descriptions have either a) a subtle gay subtext, b) the names of people who don't exist, or c) both...

Someone, anyone, please attempt to pronounce 'glacéau'.

You worry a bit too much about this, Louis.

I don't think that "glacéau" is even a real word? It's like "safrane", it's just a made up word that's supposed to sound French and sophisticated.

what amazes me even more is that people are apparently still purchasing fruitopia drinks.

the innocent smoothies sounds like a terrible 90s swing or lounge act or something. or worse A CAPELLA.

"Lush" the soap shop (as opposed to Miki and Emma) you could not walk past as they would pump out horrible soap fumes to 'entice' you in.

I think they've stopped doing that.

Still, never been in.

They've been doing this on purpose? I've never been able to walk past their sodding shops without bursting into a sneezing fit, but I couldn't really be mad at them because it's not their fault, it's me and my stupidly sensitive allergies. Screw them then.

glacéau is pretty fucking wank-sodden. i think we reached critical mass on twee drinks labels some time ago, which is why i still don't mind innocent but want to gouge out my their eyes when i read that.

also, this:

but please note the word 'might'. after all, it would be preposterous to think that a bottle of glacéau
vitaminwater, however delicious, could actually help you do those things

is just vile.

That one, the 'spark' one, is I THINK meant to be a parody of Lucozade-style "giving you the edge" marketing, but it comes across as totally fucking stupid and condescending, much like the other 4.

Innocent is, well, innocent compared to this pile of shite. Glacéau. HOW DO YOU EVEN FUCKING SAY THAT

GLASS-YOU

IN-THE-FACE

WITH-A-BROKEN-TIN-OF-IRN-BRU

Get with the programme dude, it's called KTTN-BRU now.

I FORGOT TO SAY GLASSAYOW

YOUR DRINKS TASTE OF WATERED-DOWN PIPE CLEANER

YET SOMEHOW I HAVE NOT AIRED THIS GRIEVANCE YET BECAUSE YOUR PACKAGING IS SOMEHOW EVEN MORE HEINOUS

This thread = Glasso astro-turf.

They could become sponsors of next years Glastonbury, and rename it Glacéau-berry, along with a limited edition flavour of the same name that tastes of mud...

the dragonfruit "flavour" already tastes of something approximating 3-day-old sewage

seriously that rogue "we're so continental and classy" acute accent makes me want to drive an armoured vehicle into the G*****u headquarters, all covered in Innocent logos