what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

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Okay, NOW this is the all-time greatest thread.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty years ago) link

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000B9E9.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:02 (twenty years ago) link

Maybe the guy is Jess!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:03 (twenty years ago) link

You thought this thread was about me, dean?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:03 (twenty years ago) link

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000032B4.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:04 (twenty years ago) link

This is clearly one of the all-time greatest threads.

Easily.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:05 (twenty years ago) link

Dude just get lunch!

I remember waking from a (monumental, sort of carried home style) drunken stupor on holiday in Prague, to find my mate and some girl going at it on the other bed in the same room.

So I thought, I need to go out again, and got up and got dressed and left. It was kind of funny. I later told ridiculous lies about what they were up to.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:05 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.fabioifc.com/fabio/FAB_GIFS3/fabio_injured.jpg

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:06 (twenty years ago) link

So Gear!, did you discover that your roommate is Tubgirl or something?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty years ago) link

Let's see, Gear's still alive at least, so he wasn't turned to stone.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty years ago) link

So are they asleep on the couch in post-coital happiness yet?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:07 (twenty years ago) link

PLEASE tell me you walked into the room unassumingly and then saw the unholy acts being performed and sacrificed your roommate like a goat immediately?

Or at least ran shrieking from the room?

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty years ago) link

I hope they were both wearing your clothes.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty years ago) link

would "spill it" be an unfortunate wording here?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:08 (twenty years ago) link

okay so I figured "this won't be bad, maybe some awkwardness and depending on how it is I'll either keep going to the kitchen or run back to my room"

so of course I walk out there and she's got her ass in the air while this scrawny indie fop WEARING A TRUCKER HAT AND NOTHING ELSE is attempting to INSERT HIS COCK IN HER ASS.

ON MY COUCH

I go out and this sight actually caused me to go "oh ugh god!" My roommate tumbled out of her awkward position onto the floor landing on her shoulder and Trucker Hat fell to his side with a grunt. my roommate shrieked "what are you doing home?!" and scampered into her room, almost on all fours, past me. she slammed the door behind her. Trucker Hat gathered his pants and RAN INTO THE KITCHEN

of course i followed him and he was sputtering "sorry dude sorry dude" and I just said "let me get my sandwich and you go clean up MY couch!" he again said "sorry sorry sorry" and ran out of the kitchen and to the bedroom, he pounded on the door and asked to be let in, and my roommate let him in.

MY LIVING ROOM SMELLS LIKE NOTHING I'VE SMELLED BEFORE

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:10 (twenty years ago) link

so needless to say Trucker Hat didn't stop to clean my couch before running and hiding!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:11 (twenty years ago) link

HIPSTERS BE ANALIN'

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:11 (twenty years ago) link

I'm so happy I'm crying.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

what am I doing home???? what are YOU doing having ass sex on MY couch???? goddammit!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

This is the most brilliant thing I've ever read.

― Cameron (Cameron), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

Ah you've probably smelled it before

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

Bang on the door and tell him to clean his dirty trucker hat indie fuck fuckjuice off your couch - simple!

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

I was having such a crappy day. It has suddenly turned pretty great.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty years ago) link

why should the couch be dirty?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty years ago) link

I'll bet that turned them on even more.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty years ago) link

Did you get your sandwich?

― Cameron (Cameron), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty years ago) link

"IS THIS COUCH DIRTY?"

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty years ago) link

That disgusts even me.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:13 (twenty years ago) link

post a picture of your roommate...in happier times...

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:14 (twenty years ago) link

You have brought joy to us all, Gear.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:14 (twenty years ago) link

The trucker hat. Oh man.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:14 (twenty years ago) link

http://haddingtonfarms.com/rc/bbcash.jpg

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:14 (twenty years ago) link

The phrase "scrawny inde fop wearing a trucker hat and nothing else" may haunt me until the end of my days.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:15 (twenty years ago) link

DOO DOO BROWN (censored by the fcc)

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:15 (twenty years ago) link

this isn't just the greatest thread ever, it's gotta be the dawn of a new era or something

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:16 (twenty years ago) link

"scrawny inde fop wearing a trucker hat and nothing else"

is she fucking the guy from the liars?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:16 (twenty years ago) link

THEY WERE WRONG SO WE CORNHOLED YOUR ROOMMATE ON YOUR COUCH NATCH

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:17 (twenty years ago) link

Phone her Mom.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:17 (twenty years ago) link

Does he have a moustache?

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:18 (twenty years ago) link

I'll bet it's more of a moustachio.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:18 (twenty years ago) link

i think it would be awesome if you insisted on wearing sunglasses in the house for like the next two months.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:18 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.soundgenerator.com/pix/articles/2002/05/angusposed_170.jpg

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:19 (twenty years ago) link

"Oh, I just think I'm gonna barf... Well, that passed." </ fargo>

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:19 (twenty years ago) link

Moustachio is coming. (on your couch?)

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:19 (twenty years ago) link

u+k detail: what colour is yr couch?

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:20 (twenty years ago) link

and/or: what colo(u)r WAS yr couch?

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:20 (twenty years ago) link

Does he still have the trucker hat on you think?

― Clarke B. (Clarke B.), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:21 (twenty years ago) link

Gear, seriously -- come to the next LA FAP, whenever it is. The beer is on us. It is well deserved.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:22 (twenty years ago) link

can you be sure he wasn't bald

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:22 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.binc.org/videolink-kids/330games/images/guesswho.jpg

― Lil' Fancy Kpants (The K is Silent) (ex machina), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 20:22 (twenty years ago) link

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