transferring my reviews from LtRbXD. because i never go there. i got enough OCD in my life:
Fever Dream 2021
Have you ever waited 93 minutes for something truly horrible to happen? I have.
Maria Valverde has an excellent nose.
The single greatest moment in this film is when the sullen horseman husband is grooming his horse on a step-ladder and it looks like he has turned into a horse-man! Who needs CGI when you can come up with a shot like that?
Also, If I had fashion model children like the kids in this film, I wouldn't care how evil they were. Mucho dinero!
The Trip 2021
What do you do when there are so many bloody, brutal, torture/revenge Home Alone-for-adults "comedies" out there in the streamaverse? Flip a coin. You can watch this movie and pretend that the lead who plays the husband is actually Bill Burr playing the part and it makes the whole thing funnier. Also, you can totally see Netflix re-making this movie with Bill Burr in 6 months. Heck, in 6 weeks.
The Green Knight 2021
I could have sworn that I only watched the trailer for this film, but, nope, one quick GIS confirmed that I did indeed see it. I swear I haven't been near an edible in months. Dev Patel is definitely the new Adam Driver. Just as Adam Driver was the new Adrien Brody. Just as Adrien Brody was the new....uh...Vincent Gallo? Billy Crudup? Jim Caviezel? The guy who played Fredo? I don't know, he must have been replacing someone out there.
This movie kinda looked like a Beyonce or Gaga video, but didn't cost anywhere near that much to make. So, kudos for being frugal.
Blood Red Sky 2021
Moms on a plane! This was fun. I guess. Who can tell anymore.
Take Out Girl 2021
Not great! But I sorta enjoyed it anyway. Mostly, it made me hungry. For drugs! Kidding. For lo mein.
Oxygen 2021
My first take: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! That was pretty much my second take as well. For some reason I love torturing myself with my biggest fear which would be being buried alive. Or stuck in a cave. Or buried alive in a cave. Mining disaster. So helpless. Handcuffed and thrown in deep water! Jesus, I just scared the hell out of myself. Remember The Vanishing? The original version. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
This movie is cool. It actually does resemble a science fiction short story. And I am a fan of movies like that.
The White Tiger 2021
It wants to be weightier than it is? It's fine. It smells like Netflix. Everyone is fine in it. I love Priyanka Chopra. Oof. I would never ever complain about being her maid.
Space Sweepers 2021
You should watch this. It's a lot of fun. More fun than a lot of things that are sold to you as "fun". You will like it. Its better than The Wandering Earth which cost China a dollar to make and which made about 400 billion zillion dollars. Don't believe me? Fine, don't believe me. (I mean, I definitely like everything up to the point where I stop watching The Wandering Earth...which I have done like 3 times now because I get so sleepy lately...One of these days, I will see the end. And it well end up being the end of There Will be Blood which has lulled me to sleep at least 5 times now. And Daniel Day-Lewis will save us all.)
Wonder Woman 1984 2020
Remind me what happens in this movie again? Ha! You know you can't. It came out 800 Christmases ago and you have been sooooo drunk ever since and this movie is sooooo long. It's bad too. We love you though, Gal! Never fear. You are the Catherine Zeta-Jones for a warming world. You seem like a good enough icon to follow as any other out there.
The Forgotten Battle 2020
This movie looks like a dream. So nice. The plot? Eh, you've seen it all before. But it doesn't matter because you are busy testing out your hi-fi and your fancy t.v. just like your post-war grandpa used to do with his Zenith and RCA console. You are a shameless consumerist like he was and you might not smoke Lucky Strike but you have legal weed up the wazoo and beer with 50 kinds of hops in it!
The Midnight Sky 2020
Sad Clooney is sad. This movie is pretty to look at. It has something to do with...uh...space...the sky. He's not actually alive and Sandra Bullock....wait...that's not right. Eh, who cares. It's pretty to look at!
Riders of Justice 2020
Mads is mad. When isn't he? His gang of idiots are pretty entertaining. The Ukrainian sex worker who is played for laughs more than once? I don't know what to think. He's a very sympathetic character and the long pointless story he tells is fine indeed. His daughter is a faceless dud but most movie kids are these days. Which is sad! But they aren't really the point of anything. Any more than all the dead movie mothers are. They are devices. Hurdles to jump. This movie ends pretty bleakly for one with so many laughs.
In the Earth 2021
The great thing about all the folk horror movies coming out now is that you get to spend so much time outside. It's very pretty out there apparently. If only we could get David Attenborough to make one before he goes to the great veldt in the sky. He has the best cameras! It could be about a nonagenarian penguin death cult. In Imax obviously.
This film might remind people, superficially, of Annihilation, but I actually like it more. I loved the Southern Reach Trilogy books but the movie tried to cram too much into too little time and...I don't know, it just wasn't very good? It should have been a t.v. series. Even though nobody needs a new t.v. series. There are more now than there are stars in the sky. Anyway, Alex Garland wrote the screenplays for Dredd and 28 Days Later, so, he's golden in my book.
In The Earth is not reinventing the wicker wheel, but the visuals alone make it worth watching. Psychedelic visions abound. There are also some very fine trees to be seen.
Warning: Combat surgery on the go is all the rage these days in film and this movie has some doozy moments. You've probably become expert at turning away at the right time by now.
Hillbilly Elegy 2020
I hope this gets the midnight movie treatment someday a la Rocky Horror Picture Show. The only problem with that is that everyone will come to the theater dressed as Glenn Close! I don't know whether to give it half a star or five stars. It can go either way.
Everyone is so self-aware now, and I was beginning to think that good old camp fun was a thing of the past. Not so! Thank you, Opie.
Stray 2020
I give it two stars just for the cuteness of the dogs. The full story of those homeless Syrian kids would have been a better movie. Not filmed very well or very compellingly. It made me never want to go to Istanbul which is sad. The Turkish tourism board will not be thanking the director. My main takeaway was that I REALLY wanted to find some tulumba like the kind that vendor was selling on the street. I heart fried dough.
Ava 2020
Jessica Chastain had John Malkovich inside HER brain. What a switcheroo. Jessica is a very charismatic actor. I hope she gets to be in better movies someday. Actually, why would I hope that? She's living large. producing and starring in streaming movie after streaming movie. She's not young by Hollywood standards either, and I hear that can be a problem for women. Maybe that's just a rumor. I wish her well. She's cool! She's remaking Bergman in her own image for crying out loud. She is making bank and then putting that bank in the bank. Love that tiny scratch she has in the poster. That's about the size of the reality-based behavior in this movie. You will forget it as soon as your popcorn bag hits the floor.
Lucky Chan-sil 2019
Wonderful! Just watch it. You don't need to know anything else about it.
The Cave 2019
Relentlessly horrifying. One of the saddest and most brutal movies I've ever seen. I had the luxury of pausing this film or looking away. The people in this film had to keep living a nightmare day after day. How anyone could do this...drop those bombs...it's impossible to understand.
Tormento 1950
The wicked stepmother in this movie has to go on any all-time wicked stepmother list. She's evil! Kinda one dimensional too, but that's the kind of melodrama that this is. Operatic.
Censor 2021
The best thing about this movie is the digitally-enhanced colors. I feel like every new horror movie has to have those wild reds and blues. It's fine by me. I love them. The movie isn't much though. A prolonged Tales from the Crypt episode. And you can call someone Enid and give them granny glasses but we can see that your actor could get work as a model. Maybe cast a great actor who looks like your audience? On second thought...
Over Your Cities Grass Will Grow 2010
Don't get me wrong: I love Kiefer. I feel like Keifer and Gerhard Richter might be the most compelling Western artists that post-war Capitalism has created. And the fact that they were both born out of some of the worst evil the world has ever been subjected to is probably no coincidence. As artists, they understand people and the earth almost as well as beavers and woodpeckers understand people and the earth. And if some people find them to severe or too monochromatic or too doomed by the past (everything built in this movie made me think of concentration camps), well, that's their problem. I think they're cool!
Having said that, boy does this movie have a boy energy. "Boy" used in an olde-tyme way as in the Boy Scouts or Boy's Town or a Boy's School. When Kiefer is being interviewed and starts talking about the boredom of childhood, you can imagine him daydreaming in his room about what he would do if he ran a town and what he would put in it. The only thing missing from his adult playground in the film is a grey choo choo train made out of broken glass, baling wire, and concrete. The almost parodic SERIOUS music played in the film is distracting. Turn the sound down and crank up some Spike Jones. It's an awesome film to watch! Other than that: Worst. Theme Park. Ever.
Ziyara 2021
This film is fascinating. Its a little short on history lessons, but I guess that's why God invented books. I can always read more. The structure was strangely addictive. I just wanted to meet more caretakers of these relics and graveyards and buildings! Which I totally was not expecting. If you are a Muslim, Jew, or Christian, or just a curious human, you will enjoy this.
The Booksellers 2019
I had an irrational desire to hit all the male booksellers and collectors in this movie over the head and steal their books. They are, in living form, the reason a lot of normal people hate going into a used book store. Or an antiques store. Or a used record store. They are all members of a bygone noxious brotherhood. Not bygone enough unfortunately. The keepers of the keys (ugh, the Grolier Club) need to go. Thank you for keeping the books safe. That much I will give you. But I didn't feel this way about the women in this movie! They were all great! What a breath of fresh air. I hope I live long enough to see that 85%/15% talked about in the film switch around. I probably won't live that long. Luckily, NYC will be underwater in a few years and nobody will have to lament the loss of ancient retail outlets. They can lament the whole thing! I particularly enjoyed St. Mark's Bookshop in my youth.
Bestiary 2012
This movie is a nightmare and very hard to watch. I didn't think I could get through the whole thing. Just a horror film from beginning to end. Those poor animals. The heads of beautiful African animals lining the walls of some dirty French basement. I pray for the quick destruction of humanity. Maybe there will still be a few animals left to enjoy the silence when people are finally and blissfully gone. The firenados and bomb cyclones I see on the news tell me I might not have long to wait.
Mockingbird Don’t Sing 2001
I had to read about the actual case after seeing this, and the true story is so much more horrible and what makes it so tragic is how awful Genie's life was for years after being freed from her father. This world can truly be a living hell for people and it makes you wonder how people can even have hope for the future. This movie is bizarre. Worth watching? I don't even know. It's definitely memorable though. And I am always up for some Kim Darby and Sean Young weirdness. What a frightening planet.
Red Notice 2021
Please please please do not encourage these people by watching this movie. They need to be stopped. It's getting to the point where I can't even remember what movie The Rock made that I thought was worth watching. It has been so very long since that time. How rich does Ryan Reynolds need to be to unfunnily mug like that through movie after movie? Doesn't it make him sad when he sees actual movies? Gal, I dunno, maybe I just have a soft spot for her. She was a model for years, right? She's thinking of her retirement? I don't actually have an excuse for her. You know its a bad sign when you are watching a movie and all you can think of is the environmental toll on the planet that filming must have caused. All the materials and money needed. How that money could have been better spent. This screenplay was definitely written by AI. If there was a screenplay. According to the internet, so, it could be completely wrong, these three people are worth a combined 600 million dollars. Los Angeles has a projected budget deficit of 600 million dollars. I now know what the penalty should be for making this film.
To the Wonder 2012
I'm so glad I didn't see this at a theater. They would have thrown me out for laughing hysterically. So bad. Like an SNL parody of an Obsession ad. You just have to shake your head. We will always have Badlands and Days of Heaven. He can't take that away from us. Even his wheat fixation is lackluster in the 21st century. That hand slowly petting the wheat is something filmed in about 400 American movies. Maybe just ban American movies. They are empty. decadent. self-indulgent. Every other country on earth is making astounding cinema as we speak. This country gets Nomadland. A love letter to Amazon. It deserves Nomadland. So flat. So one-dimensional. Seek out films from South America and Iran and Turkey and South Korea and China and Nigeria. This kind of film is a waste of your time. It really is. Twirl back to your cave, Terrence. Twirl, twirl, twirl.
This Is Where I Leave You 2014
Why did I watch this? Why does anyone do anything? Why are we here? First: there is no way in hell that any of these people are related. Not that that really matters. The whole thing is so dumb. And endless. It never ends. The first time I checked to see how much longer this thing was there was 40 minutes left! Oof. That hurt. I hope these people spent their paychecks wisely. Diversified their holdings. How much money could they possibly need? They could, collectively, fund a hundred small interesting low-budget films where they get to stretch and take chances. They will never do this. They looooooove money. Who doesn't?
Pig 2021
Kinda like a really dumb Nomadland for Chuck Palahniuk fanboys. I mean, that restaurant industry underground fight club where the waitstaff gets to beat hobos to death is one of the more ridiculous things I've seen in a long time and I've seen Nic Cage movies from the last decade. This wouldn't even make a top 20 dumbest Nic Cage films of the last decade list though. Not even the one where he fights the animatronic animal ghost robots would. That's how dumb his latter-day movies are. The only thing missing from this movie was the end of the world. Maybe they ran out of money. I liked the pig though. I gave this film an extra 1/2 star for the pig.
Hell and High Water 1954
This movie looks so cool. And I watched it on Youtube! I guess I need a Blu-ray if there is one. Those colors. Wow. The plot doesn't really matter. And when the lights go red in that sub you will see why. Did I mention how cool it looks? Kudos to Mr. Fuller.
The Comedian 2016
This is such a warm, soothing bath of aging American movie icons. Comedy icons. Its not that everyone is so hilarious in this film, it's just comforting. Comforting can be nice! These are troubled times! Their voices are like a lullaby. I love that they got an ACTUAL Jazz musician to do the score. It makes a big difference. I was digging it.
― scott seward, Friday, 4 October 2024 17:27 (one month ago) link
two weeks pass...