Sad, not depressed. A thread for a proper sook.

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Just taking tentative steps towards teenager status here and only just starting to see small hints of the pulling away, this thread hits home.

Maxmillion D. Boosted (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 1 April 2024 20:45 (one month ago) link

Yep, adolescent separation is a real and necessary thing, but obviously all kids and parents are different so it takes different forms. My oldest (now 19) has actually become more open to candid and thoughtful conversation over the course of his teenhood, but that's mostly because he's on the spectrum and was kind of slow to develop levels of mature self-awareness. So having the insight to understand and talk about things has been kind of revelatory for him, it's stuff that he was simply less capable of when he was 9-13 or so. (He has a therapist he sees who I think has helped him with building that emotional/mental health vocabulary.) My younger, who's 16 tomorrow, grew out of a lot of his "kid" stuff over the last three years — no more stuffed animals, wanting to read together at bedtime, wanting to be tucked in, all that stuff. I recognized it and let it go as part of the natural order. He's much more interested in his friends than he is in any family stuff these days, and I also recognize that as good (and remember feeling the same way myself).

Part of me welcomes their growing independence, of course — it's what we want, right? But there are things about being a parent to a kid that are magical and particular, and once they're gone they're gone.

Hope it's okay for a non-parent to post here. I've gone through this numerous times attending grade 8 grad for students I taught anywhere from two to five years earlier. Usually it's only one or two students in each group, but last year--I'd taught them in grade 4--it was like the reverse: one girl who still pleasant, the rest either indifferent or, with one boy, bordering on hostile. I'm going back again this year for my very last group before I retired. I had them when they were in grade 3, and I've been away from the school for three or four years (I supplied there a little bit after retirement), so I have no idea what to expect. Even as a teacher, it can hurt.

clemenza, Monday, 1 April 2024 21:04 (one month ago) link

the sort of inverse of this is my 22 yr autistic son. There is a low chance he'll ever be able to live independently although there have been some incremental progressions, he's not safe on his own. I have to brush his teeth, shave him, do the laundry, cooking, cleaning, help him manage his anxiety issues/ocds and I have to wait in the adjacent bedroom while he's in the bath in case he has an epileptic seizure in there. But similar to other experiences on here his stock response to me ever entering the same room as him is Get Out! Can't blame him tbh because I spend way too much time with him, it's not good for either of us. His college ends in July as well - that was the only thing he has independent from me and the only support I get. I made a double referral for both of us to social services and made sure I rang them after a bad day in I had only 3 hours sleep and would sound authentically drained and depressed.

vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Monday, 1 April 2024 22:31 (one month ago) link

Clemenza this isn’t a parenting thread. Just a place to a have a big sook (whine).

All of you have made me feel a lot better about my own situation, so thank you <3

Esteemed character actress (sunny successor), Thursday, 4 April 2024 00:04 (one month ago) link

Clemenza this isn’t a parenting thread. Just a place to a have a big sook (whine).

All of you have made me feel a lot better about my own situation, so thank you <3

Esteemed character actress (sunny successor), Thursday, 4 April 2024 00:04 (one month ago) link

I had a bit of a tantrum about work the other day and seriously considered spraying myself with pepper spray just to get a few days off. Reason prevailed though.

Esteemed character actress (sunny successor), Thursday, 4 April 2024 00:06 (one month ago) link

calzino, that sounds very intense!

Dan S, Thursday, 4 April 2024 00:15 (one month ago) link

teaching your child how to drive, getting those 50 hours of on the road practice, is likely the last sustained time you will ever spend with them.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, April 1, 2024 9:30 PM

I thought since fewer young people are able to move out that people would be getting closer to their parents now? I'm probably staying with dad until he dies and I have dinner with him everyday and he still gets frustrated that we don't spend enough time together but we don't really have any common interests, so it's not easy to talk about much.

Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 6 April 2024 17:40 (one month ago) link

“ He's much more interested in his friends than he is in any family stuff these days, and I also recognize that as good (and remember feeling the same way myself).”

This has been my experience as the parent of a now 17 year old. The last few years haven’t been fun.

Marten Broadcloak, mild-mannered GOP congressman (Raymond Cummings), Saturday, 6 April 2024 17:45 (one month ago) link

My kids are 18 and 15 (going on 25). My wife grew up in a house where the teenagers tended to congregate. Not in a lawless way but in a welcoming, 'well, you might as well do it somewhere safe' way. I sort of did too, but in a more covert, 'come and hide in our garage' kind of way. Consequently, our house has become a version of that and we've had a few parties now. We had my son's 18th here; there have been a few weekends where some of the friend group has ended up here after the pub etc. It's lovely*, tbh and I'm thankful my wife is so easy going and welcoming because, as much as I love it, it wouldn't have happened under my watch!

*there have already been a few occasions when I've fucked off upstairs and hidden and cursed the noise at 1am but I guess I'll take it.

I would prefer not to. (Chinaski), Saturday, 6 April 2024 21:43 (one month ago) link

That sounds great. Count yourself fortunate

calstars, Saturday, 6 April 2024 22:54 (one month ago) link


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