This is a thread for ILXORS IN THEIR 50's

^^^thank you for posting this; spouse and I are both in similar predicaments re: “is this who I am?” And very sorry for your loss. And the flu. Harder to cope when we physically feel like shit.

then i hope you find and can make satisfying change. or find a satisfying change of view, from which what you are doing feels more complete for you. and i’m very sorry for the loss of your friend.

sorry my post was xp. but yeah, peace to any ilxors feeling adrift, which def includes me.

Wishing you the best, JCLC, hope you are feeling better soon. The other stuff is a lot to deal with at the same time. Try to be kind to yourself and trust you will make the best decision you can when you are in a better place.

A lot to say about this but I don't think any of it would be helpful.

Commiserating is helpful

honestly anybody reading my thoughts has helped me today, I don't share much of this stuff but here among people with whom I've shared discussions for so long I feel free to unburden myself a little and it helps.

I'm very sorry for your loss, and really can identify with what you wrote. I am often struck by the loss of the feeling I had even 10-15 years ago, that anything was possible. This is definitely a time of narrowing options--but not no options at all. So I hope you can find something that gives you more peace.

update on my health: it was pneumonia & bronchitis. I'm now on a big ol cocktail of meds and just now took pleasure in eating for the first time in a week. I am mad as hell because I'm trying so hard to get back up to my long runs, running is important to me and I've been on a 2-year-plus injury jag but JUST this month I finally seemed to have turned a corner, ran 5k three times week before last....and then last week I was knocked down by illness and I know that recovering from pneumonia is yet another fuckin "take it easy on yourself" situation but there's only so easy I can take it, I'm back to work on Friday and my job involved two hours a night of being pretty energetic. main feeling right now is gratitude for the visit and feeling pleased with myself for resolving "just get your ass to the clinic as soon as you wake up" because I was in "I can't live like this, can I?" territory, it's still bad but the drugs are working.

attention bronchitis & pneumonia: 🖕

I am very much in a "is this gonna be my forever life?" place as well. Part of it's frustration with my publisher, who has not responded for a couple of weeks now to my emails about my upcoming book, but another part of it is getting itchy with the endless treadmill of writing about music generally. I'm starting to think more seriously than I have in years about Writing About Something Else For A Change. Sending three poems to a local literary magazine (no response yet) helped a little, and looking at some fiction projects with an eye toward self-publishing them is helping, too, because putting three older books out there will push me to finish a fourth that's fully plotted but only about 1/4 written. If my current "full-time" job lurches toward greater stability (which it might, soon), I will be in a position to make some decisions.

get well soon jclc.

running will come back soon enough. were you the person who recommended "what i talk about when i talk about running" on ilx? seems like you probly coulda.

possibly? as I am of the age to be on this thread, I do tend to forget a buncha stuff