Depression and what it's really like

I'm glad you're here jon. I don't actively post on many threads and I lurk on maybe a couple dozen, but your posts on the annoying coworker threads get me smiling and shaking my head in recognition and commiseration every time.

Most days I’m good at just suppressing it and “carrying on”, as it were, but then it sneaks up on me and hits me all at once to be reminded … Hell, I’ve been posting here for the better part of two decades and I don’t have a single one of you I interact with outside ilx (I mean, considering how often my threads sink to the bottom, it’s not like I actually “interact” with many of you on here either lol). Yet I stubbornly persist.

Jon, I hear you. I often think to myself who I would call if I were in trouble or needed someone and the answer is always "shit, no-one". Then I get depressed and this is exacerbated by remembering how I don't have anyone to call when I'm howling and crying and then I howl and cry more. Then I fall asleep and I wake up and it doesn't matter until I start remembering it again hours or days or weeks later. It just sneaks up.

Sorry, didn't see this had been bumped. Appreciate the thoughts.

It's just been hard, as my son has gotten older and is spending more time with friends and I've found a little more free time, the lack of friends has become more glaring. I keep thinking, "hey, it would be cool to go see that band with someone" and then remembering there are absolutely zero people I could reach out to for that sort of thing. Not that I'm afraid to go to shows solo, I do it a lot, just would be nice from time to time to go with someone to talk about it with afterwards or w/e.

Part of the challenge, beyond just how hard it is to make friends as an adult, is that most of my interests don't alight with chances to get to know more people, even those who share said interests.

Not going to most of the gigs I'd like to go to is a thing I accept nowadays to the extent I mostly forget that I could even go on my own. I just...don't do stuff.

^^^
i used to buy advance tickets in an effort to make myself go, but soon realized it was just a waste of money

hey jon, i just wanted to say that i really appreciate the breadth of your knowledge and your generosity on ilm, and all the times i make a post about a random harder rock band and see an enthusiastic response from you it raises my spirits. you rule!