Favorite lines from Seinfeld?

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Jerry: "Ah, you're crazy."
Kramer: "Am I? Or am I so sane that I just turned your whole world upside-down?"
(There's a whole string of these)

Also, everything that Philip Baker Hall says as the Library Cop.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 22 August 2003 11:35 (twenty years ago) link

Pretty much everything that Jerry Stiller says makes me laugh.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 22 August 2003 11:36 (twenty years ago) link

My favorite bit is still the one where Putty decided Elaine was going to hell for not being his religion and every time they'd argue, he'd just reply, "Yeah, well, at least I'm not going to Hell."

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Friday, 22 August 2003 12:40 (twenty years ago) link

when i think of tepid sitcoms i think of 'something about raymond' or 'frasier' or pretty much any other sitcom ever.

1. "Something about Raymond" = !!
2. Frasier is the smartest sitcom on tv, e.g. "Frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around a fabulously furnished Tuscan villa, you sit *around* the fabulously furnished Tuscan villa."

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 22 August 2003 23:20 (twenty years ago) link

"I'd like to have SHOEHORN hands!"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 22 August 2003 23:50 (twenty years ago) link

2. Frasier is the smartest sitcom on tv, e.g. "Frasier, you're so corpulent that when you sit around a fabulously furnished Tuscan villa, you sit *around* the fabulously furnished Tuscan villa.

aka the nerdiest :-p

― minna (minna), Saturday, 23 August 2003 00:13 (twenty years ago) link

" i always get the feeling when Lesbians look at me they're thinking - thats why im not a heterosexual"

― colin o'hara (jed_e_3), Saturday, 23 August 2003 00:15 (twenty years ago) link

I kind of like Raymond.

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Saturday, 23 August 2003 01:07 (twenty years ago) link

but do you love him?

― minna (minna), Saturday, 23 August 2003 01:12 (twenty years ago) link

Honestly, no.

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Saturday, 23 August 2003 06:01 (twenty years ago) link

Fraser is just so shit. It causes no emotion other than irritation,I have no sympathy for characters whatsoever, and they are all convinced they are decent people and deserve empathy.
Whereas Seinfeld never asks you to like any of their characters and consistently point out that they are shallow/arrogant etc etc so when they get their comeuppance no-one ever denies that they deserve it. Hence George running out of the bathroom with his underpants round his ankles screaming 'Vanderlay Industries!'= hilarity

― Nellie (nellskies), Saturday, 23 August 2003 07:30 (twenty years ago) link

I keep reading this thread title as "Favorite lies from Seinfeld?" and then the tiny devil perched on my left shoulder sez "That he's funny?"

Then I think "Great. That's highly entertaining brain, thanks. You can stop now." lather, rinse, repeat.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 23 August 2003 07:52 (twenty years ago) link

I heart Kim.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 23 August 2003 13:41 (twenty years ago) link

GEORGE: Well, it worked when I met George Peppard last week.

JERRY: George Peppard has been dead for years.

GEORGE: Well, whoever he was, he knew a lot about The A-Team.

― Ally C (Ally C), Saturday, 23 August 2003 18:18 (twenty years ago) link

The posts immediately preceding Ally C's are exactly why I don't want to read this board anymore. That and the fact that it's apparently ok for another person on this board to be nasty to me nonstop without impunity. Ciao.

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Saturday, 23 August 2003 18:34 (twenty years ago) link

(Who is nasty to you Ally? Who is nasty to Ally? I think I might know, but he's joking?)

GEORGE: What are you gunna say to her?
JERRY: Ur, 'hello'?
GEORGE: You're not going across THE LINE with 'hello'!!!!

― David. (Cozen), Saturday, 23 August 2003 19:37 (twenty years ago) link

Things I like about Seinfeld:

1. interpersonal relationships are too good to be a game so let's reduce it to one
2. every episode always resets the characters: if they have something at the start it will be gone by the end, sure they'll have learned but they always seem to lose
3. the deliveries
4. he knows the stand-up bits are rubbish - ts: reading an essay & comment about the painful idiosyncrasy of unrequited love vs Spike-Buffy acting it out for you, hullo?! Hm?
5. so funny, so so funny
6. &c. or "I have run out of things to say right now, really, so I should stop 'saying', full stop".

― David. (Cozen), Saturday, 23 August 2003 19:42 (twenty years ago) link

George's answering Machine

sung along to a synth pop jingle type background:

"believe it or not George isn't at home
please leave a messaaaaage at the beep
i cant be here or id pick up the phone
where could i beeeee.......?

pah pah pah

Believe it or not - im not ho-o-o-ome!"

― colin o'hara (jed_e_3), Saturday, 23 August 2003 19:44 (twenty years ago) link

4b. the rest of the show, this is why the stand-up bits are bookends, most always is about the things that fill these segments but they're so much funnier when acted out - life contains more possibility for comedy momentums and towel-whips in its various wonderful vagaries than you can possibly capture in the out-dated 'form' Stand-Up Comedy
4c. I don't know if this is Jerry's intent, actually, but it's the way I take it
4d. from here on in
4e. I'm thinking on my feet
4f. ilx: thinking on yr feet while sitting on yr ass

― David. (Cozen), Saturday, 23 August 2003 19:46 (twenty years ago) link

7. they talk about ideas (^TM Kogan) and then bang or debang them by giving them names - which we can all then talk about and refine and re-read into and then out of
8. 'the bro'
9. everyone likes a bit of etiquette talk
10. I mean, what do you talk about, then?
11. which means, I'm a ditz and am genuinely interested in all these minutely detailed reliable maps of relationships
12. which can be boiling hell
13. and who goes to boiling hell without a map?

― David. (Cozen), Saturday, 23 August 2003 19:51 (twenty years ago) link

>sung along to a synth pop jingle type background:

Its a parody of the song "Walking on Air", which I wouldn't ever describe as synthpop.

The deal with the stand-up bits is that the show debutted during the early 90s standup fad, and the gimmick was the "its part stand up comedy, part sit-com!" They gradually phased out the standup bits, and with good cause.

― fletrejet, Saturday, 23 August 2003 20:16 (twenty years ago) link

it sounds pretty cheap synthy.... and pretty poppy.... perhaps because it's a parody?

― jed_e_3 (jed_e_3), Saturday, 23 August 2003 20:20 (twenty years ago) link

Fletrejet is probably otm but I prefer my reading. Because I'm self-obsessed and a bad listener.

― David. (Cozen), Saturday, 23 August 2003 20:23 (twenty years ago) link

"The whole reason you watch a t.v. show is because it ends - if i wanted a long boring story with no point to it i have my life"

― jed_e_3 (jed_e_3), Sunday, 24 August 2003 01:42 (twenty years ago) link

high-five.

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 24 August 2003 02:45 (twenty years ago) link

"Am I really insane, or am I so sane I just blew your mind?"

― m.s (m .s), Sunday, 24 August 2003 04:32 (twenty years ago) link

Oh, someone else loves this line too and already wrote it, but a bit differently! Good, I was hoping it would stick in someone elses mind too. And I loved that line about leaving the pony country to come to the non-pony country. That whole pony thing was so great.

― m.s (m .s), Sunday, 24 August 2003 04:35 (twenty years ago) link

Guess what I am watching tonight if I can stay up for it - the movie 'Sour Grapes'. If anyone has seen this and can tell me something about it please do. I know it's supposed to be terrible but I don't believe it.

― m.s (m .s), Sunday, 24 August 2003 04:39 (twenty years ago) link

Pot, shake hands with kettle.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Sunday, 24 August 2003 19:23 (twenty years ago) link

high-five.

That chimp's all right.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 25 August 2003 04:09 (twenty years ago) link

Putty: Why does dip have to be a snack? Why can't it be a meal? I don't get stuff like that.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 25 August 2003 04:10 (twenty years ago) link

(Nick H is probably right about having to hear the characters say these lines, because that one is all about Warburton's delivery.)

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 25 August 2003 04:12 (twenty years ago) link

George's parents at the diner:

ESTELLE: I feel a draft. Let's change tables.
FRANK: Get outta here! We have a booth.
ESTELLE: Frank, I'm cold!
FRANK: Order a hot dish.

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Monday, 25 August 2003 04:18 (twenty years ago) link

"A Festivus for the rest of us!"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 25 August 2003 04:21 (twenty years ago) link

I've seen Sour Grapes. I remember it being amusing, but very cynical, enough so to be disturbing. OK, but not great.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 25 August 2003 13:38 (twenty years ago) link

It's a Junior Mint. They're very refreshing.

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Monday, 25 August 2003 17:01 (twenty years ago) link

"Oh Jerry the air is cold the tub is warm...its like Sweden Jerry. Sweeeeeeden."

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 25 August 2003 17:12 (twenty years ago) link

"Ooh, how luxurious!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 August 2003 17:15 (twenty years ago) link

GLAMOUR magazine...?

― jed_e_3 (jed_e_3), Monday, 25 August 2003 17:19 (twenty years ago) link

"Oh I SPEND BABY!"

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 25 August 2003 17:22 (twenty years ago) link

Puddy: "Don't mess with the Devils, buddy. We're number one, we beat anybody! We're the Devils! THE DEVILS!! HAAAAAA!!!"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 25 August 2003 18:46 (twenty years ago) link

newman, after eating a piece of broccoli and spitting it out in the kenny roger's roasters chicken episode: "out, vile weed!"

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Monday, 25 August 2003 19:06 (twenty years ago) link

four months pass...

George: "She scooped the niblets?"
Jerry: "Yes! That's what was so vexing."

― Aaron A., Tuesday, 6 January 2004 16:15 (twenty years ago) link

Soup is not a meal.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 16:28 (twenty years ago) link

Elaine - "It's ironic."

Woman - "What's ironic?"

Elaine - "This. That we've come all this way, we made all this progress, but, you know, we lost the little things, the niceties."

Woman - "No, I mean, what does `ironic' mean?

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 16:57 (twenty years ago) link

I think the whole segment where Elaine is on her way to a "lesbian wedding"(much to one lady's disgust) and the tram stops is just about as funny as sitcoms can get.
MOVE!

― Øystein H-O (Øystein H-O), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:19 (twenty years ago) link

George: He speaks to me, Jerry. He's the voice of my generation.

Jerry: We're four months apart!

George: Nevertheless.

(possibly botched from memory)

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:34 (twenty years ago) link

I think Seinfeld doesn't really translate well to the fave lines format. Most of the jokes are only funny in context of the situation. While Simpsons is all just clever verbal humor, I find Seinfeld funny because of the plot and the situations.

"I've always wanted to pretend to be an architect."

― sym (shmuel), Wednesday, 7 January 2004 08:02 (twenty years ago) link

"I'm sorry but I'm not at home,
Please leave a message, after the tone,
I'm not here or I'd answer the phone,
Where could I beeeee???"

Absolutely my favourite bit ever. Or at least in the top 10.

― pete s, Saturday, 10 January 2004 00:42 (twenty years ago) link

Elaine: "It's a tale of greed, lust, and... unbridled enthusiasm."

― Baked Bean Teeth (Baked Bean Teeth), Saturday, 10 January 2004 01:26 (twenty years ago) link

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