Are you good at performing oral sex?

SBing = SuperBowling

increased calcium diet = a whiter shade of pale

one advantage of same-sex relations is genital empathy

WRT cervixes, I think men learn quite slowly. The first time you get all up in that enough to hit the cervix, of course you are immediately told to stop it and warned never to do that again if at all possible (often in much filthier language). And half of your brain understands the instruction it has been given, and the other half is like, "Aw yeah. I'm hittin' that shit for REAL. Just TRY to tell me I'm not HUNG!" You don't believe at first that this girl will stop fucking you altogether. It's like, "She seems to hate me right now, and yet I know that I am King Dong. What's going on here?" This can take months or years to figure out.

if no one has mentioned rimming itt yet, please allow me to be the first.

how good are you at eating a butthole?

lj do not join the glee club you will be v v disappointed

or v v satisfied, depending on the glee club

the first rule of glee club is do not refer to relish in the glee club

I dunno, folks. I think it's too easy to say that all guys like x and all girls like y in bed. I think you have to find out what your partner likes on a person by person and case by case basis.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/47/151580106_838efc812b.jpg

"with the help of an 'egg beater' and 'meat tenderizer,' I was able to make her cum"

The first time I was told by an ex-girlfriend that she faked it, it stung a bit. The second time I was told that, it downright hurt.

Time for a new game plan, because this whole "my cock is an awesome cock" thing apparently doesn't work 24/7/365.

try substituting "vengeful" for "awesome"

ooh... Old Testament cock. I've never tried that. I like, I like...

one of the secret benefits of a tonsilectomy = increased oral capacity for dong (not referring to myself fyi)

Oh, I didn't know that, I had a tonsilectomy a couple of years ago. Maybe I should finally try the dong?

when oh when will there be an "are you good at receiving oral sex" thread

let's go on a dongventure

LOUIS!!!

vent ur dong

a summer holidong

(don't worry, these are all getting red-taped at birth)

Interesting, kenan. I don't think I care much if a girl fakes it. Mostly girls have just said something along the lines of, "I give up. It's not going to happen." I can empathise. I've been there, too, and if you want to fake an orgasm to just end everything abruptly (and possibly assuage someone's potential hurt feelings), it's not the worst thing in the world. I guess I don't expect to be everybody's ideal lover and I don't expect everything to always work out on any given occasion.

when oh when will there be an "are you good at receiving oral sex" thread

This^^^

Dong is like wiener; there's no way I could ever utter those words.

"I give up. It's not going to happen." I can empathise. I've been there, too

I can't even fathom this.

(it not happening, I mean)

tuomas ideally you should have already sampled dong to make an informed assessment of your capacity for dong with and without tonsils

It may be asking a little much to ask him to have his tonsil put back in in the name of preserving the scientific method!

http://www.gupuds.com/
http://www.gupuds.com//static/images/promo/fred-large.jpg
^^^ suspect that there's a wheel of Camembert in there...

I can't even fathom this.

Never been too tired/drunk/uninspired?

Oh, I've given up before. Sure.

Never been too tired/drunk/uninspired?

Nope!

try substituting "vengeful" for "awesome"

On second thought Old Testament doesn't work any better than anything else. What's the threat? "Fear me, for I am turgid! If you dare to ignore me, I will fall asleep in the middle of the movie you rented." Ok, see you in the morning.

That's another thing I learned the hard way. If you find a perfect awesome woman, the one who really gets the things that you get and digs the movies that you dig, and you show her the perfect awesome movie that she has never seen before, she does not want to hear from you during it. At all. Just shut up, dude. She's watching the fucking movie. I mean, what would you be like if you'd never seen "A Touch of Evil"? You'd want people who are talking to shut the fuck up, right?

I'm still bad at being "on" or "off".

And there's little more annoying than someone thrashing around on your junk 'cause their self-esteem requires that you come. If I'm going down on a girl, it's 'cause it turns me on and hopefully it turns her on and even more hopefully it makes her come, but if not, no biggy, I won't take it too much to heart 'cause I will know I tried with dedication, genuine attraction, and enthusiasm. I feel that combo usually wins out anyway.

That's another thing I learned the hard way

imo enthusiasm is what separates "good" from "great" head, much more so than technique

I concur. Very different techniques offered with similar enthusiasm will provide very similar (and delightful) results.

enthusiasm is what separates good from great sex, whatever form it takes.

stop making sex into a pep rally, guys

wait, I just thought about that and nvrmind

HAHA

Give me a B!
Give me a L!
Give me an O!
Give me a W!
Give me a J!
Give me an O!
Give me a B!

imo enthusiasm is what separates "good" from "great" head, much more so than technique

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Thursday, August 6, 2009 4:17 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

Truth bomb.

pep squad vs glee club

I prefer the pipe squad.

It's not just "enthusiasm", like it has to be about being as vigorous as possible. It doesn't have to look good on film or something. But as for me, nothing makes me cum as hard as someone who sincerely wants me to cum. Even a step back from that, nothing turns me on like someone who is turned on by me. There's a feedback loop that's always there if it's working, and always not quite there if it's not working, and you both know. You can have adequate sex with someone who isn't really interested in getting you off, but you can't even have GOOD sex with that person.

can't eveR, I meant.

Well put, kenan.

Ye lusty men of relish zeal OTM. And and and - Faith No More's "Be Aggressive" to thread.

I don't think I could get off to the dulcet tones of Mike Patton -- we have too many injokes about the guy.

this is actually the central point of my thesis on gender relations, which is that ppl project their needs onto their partners and u end up w/women all tenderly makin love to your dong when u just want it to get beat the fuck up, and meanwhile dudes are all trying to jackhammer cervixes and fingerblast a broad with a hand covered in superbowl rings

the central point of my thesis on gender relations is that sex is a lot better if partners communicate to each other what they like and what they don't. I'm not sure if it was my "nice middle class upbringing" where "we don't discuss such things," but I spent too long expecting the guy to magically know the best way to do things, and if it wasn't passing muster (not mustard) then we just weren't compatible. As unsexy as the "hanging a painting" talk initially felt - "a little to the left, up a little ..." - it worked out a lot better than not communicating.

the central point of my thesis on gender relations is that sex is a lot better if partners communicate to each other what they like and what they don't.

ding ding ding

And what's wrong with getting hot and heavy to the strains of Squeeze Me Macaroni? I ask you...

IRL M1ke P@tton is a class-A creep.