OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

does stereogum even pay people? because if not then yeah they can write whatever they want.

They pay a little.

yeah thats understood all you have to do is read something online to know that. its pretty dire.

x-post

“You want us to EDIT your piece , kid? Oh sure, let me go down the hall and get Ezra Pound for you.”

when I wrote for XLR8R right before the great dying (2009-2011), I was edited constantly. we made fun of publications that used a lot of flowery prose and flourishes that said little about the actual music. i know i sound like an old man, but yeah, that piece needed a good editor, so that the young writer could get a sense of what it might mean to actually write about music instead of writing a meta-commentary on their own experience of the music and its cultural connotations

Stereogum's "masthead" lists five editors, seems reasonable to imagine they do some editing.

Maybe they all work on the company sailboat

There's also a big gap between line-by-line editing and not touching a piece at all... they could encourage certain things to be rethought, approached a different way, etc. (maybe they did, and the initial draft was even more out-there!)

does stereogum even pay people? because if not then yeah they can write whatever they want.

They pay a little.

― but also fuck you (unperson),

and they pay fastq

i wrote some nothing 100 word thing for an indie rock magazine once and i swear they made me rewrite it ten times. then they never paid me for it. and THAT is all i need to know about indie rock.

see i just learned to write by writing a bunch of crappy garbage and posting it to the internet. after 30 years of doing that i'm actually a pretty good writer now apparently. still haven't ever gotten paid for it, but i'm slowly working on getting rid of my inferiority complex about that.

I learned to write by stealing from most of you all.

but I guess it didn't take.

Great couplet.

😬

(seriously though, lots of phrases that I've adopted into my daily vernacular have come from here!)

like when I go to the dentist I yell "we want hen fap!"

was this written by AI

https://chorus.fm/reviews/greta-van-fleet-starcatcher/

this review sucks, but AI usually doesn't use colloquialisms like "give their right arm" or even say things like "snarky takes".

AI writing tends to be very bland, repetitive, and mind-numbing like this example from a Fuel fansite that seems to mostly consist of weird, overlong, error filled AI-generated articles about drumming:

https://www.fuelrocks.com/chevy-chase-and-steely-dan-unraveling-the-drumming-mystery/

Lmao that is baaaad

thanks for the new name

instantly obsessed with that Fuel piece... amazing work

The fuel website also has useful non-drumming related content: https://www.fuelrocks.com/sustainable-solutions-how-to-properly-dispose-of-55-gallon-drums-of-oil/

Title could be shorter, “Eric”:

https://www.fuelrocks.com/mastering-midi-channel-invasion-for-getgood-drums-a-step-by-step-guideintroductionbriefly-explain-what-midi-channel-invasion-is-and-its-relevance-in-using-getgood-drums-highlight-the-importance-of-ma/

Oh shit:

https://www.fuelrocks.com/kid-rock-iconoclastic-american-singer-songwriter-dies-at-46/

Pour one out for the Kid...

Keep reading those articles, they get funnier and funnier

https://www.fuelrocks.com/prince-harry-and-his-drumming-skills-unveiling-the-musical-side-of-the-duke-of-sussex/

hahaha that's the mother lode wow

Truly we have found the great mystery here

Key Points

The collaboration between Will Ferrell and Red Hot Chili Peppers was an unforgettable and unforgettable experience for both the performers and the audience. A world audience was treated to Will Ferrell’s drumming skills alongside the legendary rock band as they created a musical and entertainment fusion that was both entertaining and popular.

This collaboration will have a long-term impact as well as an immediate impact. As a result, creativity has no boundaries, and artists can experiment and express themselves in a variety of creative ways. Aside from expanding Will Ferrell’s reach into new genres, the collaboration also provided him with new avenues for future collaborations and projects with artists such as the Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Flaming Lips, and many others.

that kid rock article gets his age wrong too, which seems like something AI should be able to get right

Sachin Tendulkar is one of the greatest batsmen of all time, no doubt about it!

It's not "worst ever," but I got irrationally annoyed at a Rolling Stone Lollapalooza writeup that referred to Billie Eilish performing "Oxycontin" (the song is "Oxytocin")

Feels like an argument in favor of A.I. tbh

Or sub-editors

It's not "worst ever," but I got irrationally annoyed at a Rolling Stone Lollapalooza writeup that referred to Billie Eilish performing "Oxycontin" (the song is "Oxytocin")

Not sure if I am doing this correctly, but #OneThread

Oh! I Always Get Those Two Mixed Up!

https://www.stereogum.com/2232515/broadcast-haha-sound-turns-20/reviews/the-anniversary/
god, where to begin, I’ll start with ctrl-f Cargill

yeah I peaced out after the opening, surprised I got through the entire paragraph tbh

first paragraph came perilously close to ruining the album for me. proceed with caution.

confident failure on simple terms like "archetype" and "naïeveté", or calling TNMBP "dissonant experimentation" rmde

One moment the titular Valerie wears a purple dress in an all-white bedroom, the next she’s surrounded by nuns at a church service where the state of being a woman is compared to the state of being a pomegranate (which is to say, split me open at the center and fuck me, daddy).

I am not letting this author near my fruit salad

I'm just the same boy I used to be

My wife almost never mentions music writing, but she sent me this link and was like "???", and... oh boy, whadda piece (turns out it's the one mookieproof posted a screenshot of back on March 4, but I'm not sure if it excellence was fully appreciated): Are We Finally Ready to See Neutral Milk Hotel for What It Really Was?

The last sentence of that piece is a gem

that is way too long to read after being posted itt

I did scroll to the last sentence and oof

aside from the fact that loading slate on my phone is always a painful experience, I thought that essay was…fine?

as far as bad essays go I figured the revive would be about this one

https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/a-close-listen-to-rich-men-north-of-richmond

oh god no

Much like “Idol” contestants, such as Bo Bice or Scotty McCreery, Anthony can really sing. His voice isn’t quite as smooth and virtuosic as the country star Chris Stapleton’s, but it carries a similar depth of tone and his screamy rasp never feels like the affectation of an amateur who is trying too hard, but rather does what it’s supposed to do: communicate emotion.

Counterpoint: No.

Tell it to my rasp, my achy screamy rasp

slate informs me we need to talk about my adblocker

personally I feel the adblocker prevented me from reading this piece, and that's ok

It is (believe me) – though fwiw, activating the ol' Reading Mode (or whatever such browser extension you may use for that) gets around it.