Craigslist hilarity

dude is selling a wii, and at the end it says...

WARINING: I DO NOT SHIP THE SYSTEMS, SPECIALLY NOT OUTSIDE CANADA, ALL SCAMMERS WILL BE REPORTED. PICK UP ONLY PLEASE. I'M A SERIOUS AND YET FUNNY GUY, WE MIGHT EVEN BECOME FRIENDS:)

DROP ME A LINE OR CALL ME: (i took out his number).

PEACE.

I love LA.

VW hot tub

I want an old fashioned courtship - m4w - 23
Reply to: pers-488056✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-11-24, 10:49AM PST

Hi, not sure if this is the right section but here goes. I am a 23 year old christian man looking for a family with a daughter about my age or younger who wants an old fashioned courtship. I get to know you as a family, we abide by your rules, no premarital sex. I am responsible, fairly handsome, white, about average height and build. home schooled, love music, dogs, fishing, spending time with my younger brothers and sisters. I have a good job as a union carpenter foreman. I am honest and hardworking.
She should be a christian, home schooled is prefered but not a must, have an apreciation for music, hopefully play an instrument or two, and strive to be the type of woman described in proverbs 31. and she should be pretty but not just on the outside.
One thing you should know is that I really want to move out of this area soon, and that would mean her too. I want to own a farm in the midwest or maybe tennesee or kentucky.

Location: enumclaw

omg enumclaw for the win.

Enumclaw: fundies and horse-fuckers

Proverbs 31:10-31:

Description of a Worthy Woman
10An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
14She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
15She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
16She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
18She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
20She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and (W)purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
26She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

"She is like merchant ships" sounds like a noize meme.

does somebody with less Catholic baggage than me wanna write the Proverbs 31 parody plz, thanks

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Enumclaw%2C_Washington

lol at the defensive citizens of Enumclaw.

I always wanted a woman who could tend to my wool & flax.

And works with her hands in delight.

I don't know if we need a parody, J.D.

Proverbs 31:10-31:

Description of a Worthy Woman

10 An excellent wife, who can find?
Me. I can. look while I do it.
11 A man looks at her, she makes eye contact.
That means this woman wants you.
12 And yet she is chaste and not wanton
Free from mincing and gnashing of teeth.
13 She screams at the roar of the mouse
For she has not a brain in her head.
14 She is like the princess called Peach
Dependent to me and perhaps bipolar.
15 Cleaving only to me as she suckles our child
as she had succumbed to my bullet train manseed,
and produced something I cannot shake.
16 She considers a dress and buys it;
After she begs for the fruit of my wallet,
and if I think it does not look too slutty.
17 She thinks she is fat although she is not.
How can she be reassured?
18 Her place is known to herself and all.
That place nightly encircles my dick.
19 I picked her up on an exercise bike
At the Y near my house and the Mission.
20 Her spandex shone like the sunset
O'er the mountains of her legwarmers.
21 The VCR is not what she can program.
(I observed this for my stand-up improv.)
22 She sews clothing for our child the youngest,
the likes that Osh-Kosh could not design.
23 And yet she o'erspends of my income
And hers, too, that she gleans from the Applebee's.
24 A serious wife aims marriage,
a serious wife who aims marriage.
25 Pomp and Circumstance are never her garments,
she did not graduate from a high school.
26 Now for you, how to find such a morsel:
A classic want ad may instruct.
27 I first read this in Farmer's Journal:
Woman, must look good on inside & outside
and wish to move to a farm in Kentucky.
28 Her parents would meet me and upbraid me not
For I'll shield the hymen of their daughter.
29 Must love singly, work hard and own tractor,
love always the dog and the catching of fish.
30 She must spend time with my siblings,
but not with games so worldly as Boggle.
31 And the last, most important requirement:
Please send a photo of tractor.

14 She is like the princess called Peach
Dependent to me and perhaps bipolar.

fucking win

lolz

http://gbamedia.gamespy.com/gba/image/article/691/691797/super-princess-peach-20060227004708930.jpg

We met for a drink and you caught me making out with a man - m4w
Date: 2007-10-23, 9:27AM EDT

I'm sorry. You were taking so long in the bathroom and this guy was looking at me. Next thing I knew we were making out and you came back and stormed out of the bar. I just want you to know that I really liked you and I'm not gay, I just have gay experiences sometimes. You are a beautiful girl and I'm glad that you came on date with me. I would like very much to try again. This time I will give all my love to you.

hahahaha

I have to wonder if iiiijjjj ever got a reply from the post-fratboys.

A Band Named Eric
Reply to: comm-489100✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-11-25, 1:41PM PST

Drummer and bassist, both named Eric, looking for like-named musicians to start a new band named Eric. Please, only people named Eric or willing to legally change their name to Eric should reply.

Thanks,

Eric

2 small real pumpkins

Reply to: sale-489-✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-11-26, 10:54AM EST

Does anyone have any use for these?

lolcollege

To My Five Dumfuck Roomates
Reply to: pers-569989✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-02-10, 10:49PM CST

To start this on a lighter note, YOU ARE ALL FUCKING RETARDS.
Now that I've said that maybe ill try to tell you why you all deserve to have the right to add to the genetic pool removed.
1. I have a life outside of the house, None of you do.I go out to bars, restraunts , museums, coffe shops, I read indie magazines, I do not like any stereotypical male activities. (exception for sex but read on for that.) I have a life where it does not involve watching the game, drinking a couple of beers, and laughing at something that is hip on youtube. It is precisely this reason that I throw myself into school, culture, and not being at home. You're all 21 get a life past high school shit.

2. I have a double major, one in art and one in theoretical mathematics , which requires approximately 9000 percent of my time not spent sleeping and making myself not look like a bum. So if I on occasion forget my laundry in the dryer, or dont get to the single plate, cup, and pot that i dirtied ten seconds ago, please do not get outrageously bent out about it. Next time I find that my clean clothes were thrown on the disgusting basement floor, or dishes that I had used half an hour ago to make dinner with are in my nice clean bed, let me say that I will burn your section of the house down.

3. Please dont remind me that I'm not from a wealthy family by making sarcastic jokes about having a job, I can hear you and I swear to god that your car will not start ever again if i have to listen to how nice it is to be rich. Also eating all of my food, and then ordering pay per view which you expect me to help pay for is also off limits, along with running a space heater in your downstairs bathroom because you dont want a cold ass. Deal with it, I paid an extra 80 bucks for that shit last month, and trust me I'm going to fucking send you the bill.

4.On the topic of school, you are all unable to find majors that involve sports and burping, so you choose bullshit ones. Great for you, I didnt. Mr. Business major who never does homework, never leaves from the couch, and will not let me check the weather, You will probably make more money than me ever. But you're dumb, and so is that barely legal freshman you rail every weekend. My history major roomate, your parents are rich beyond absurdity ( they seriously bought you a thirty thousand dollar car after you smashed up your used bmw) and you will live off of them till you get your phd, good luck on doing anything with that when you can barely write a paper, or hold a conversation (exception for those about sports). The industrial engineer who lives with me, you are my best friend, but you are still dumb, you couldnt cut it as an ME, or a CE, or even as a consulting major, so you took engineers for business. Sorry. The ornmantel horticulture major, you're nice, but going to school to learn how to cut grass is a waste. and finally my construction management roomate. Actually you're not dumb, just never there to talk to.

4. I am not dumb because I am studying art. Once more and ill make art from your fucking cd collection.

5. Hour shower roomate, get the hell out of there, i want to be naked and wet too.

6. If I listen to a record, using headphones, at two in the morning with my door shut and the light on dim, please do not disturb me, Im tired and relaxing.

7.All of you drive nicer cars that your parents bought you, and I can understand that you dont want them scratched, but just because I drive a nicer used VW that I am personally paying for each month does not mean you can take my keys and park it in the little old ladies driveway she lets us use. I have a 4 inch clearence, and if my bottom if fucked, all of you are getting the bill. Trust me and let me park in the spot my rent is paying for, I promise i will not dent your car.

8. On the topic of sex, I have it on occasion, with the same steady partner, who no longer wants to come over due to the catcalls, pounding, and yelling. When you all are getting some, I have the curtesy to be quiet and in my room. Do the same or i swear you'll never get any again.

9.I work about 35 hours a week, and study for about 100 or something, so when i sleep i try to be quiet and not wake you up, six in the morning shouting about lifting when I've been asleep 45 minutes is not acceptable. A bat to your face just might be.

10. I'm done with this one. Nicknames are stupid, use my full name when i am around my friends and collegues or so help me god, I will tell the world all of your drunken secrets. Including the one about doing a chick who used to be a guy mr business major.

Thank you and goodnight I fucking hope.

He's got some atrocious spelling and grammar for someone so "smart".

I pity whoever this man marries. If he really works that hard, does he really have a life, outside the house or otherwise?

Although the dumping laundry on the basement floor or putting dishes into beds is kind of bullshit, unless its a chronic thing.

I REALLY don't miss college at all.

if these douchebags are so rich why do they need roommates?

Wow

I have a life where it does not involve watching the game, drinking a couple of beers, and laughing at something that is hip on youtube.

^^THIS IS THE ROOT OF YOUR PROBLEM DUDE

If he's so hung up on wealth he probably shouldn't be doing a double major in arts & theoretical maths

ts:

1. I have a life outside of the house

vs

I work about 35 hours a week, and study for about 100 or something

EXACTLY.

I think this guy will go on to become a real life Frank Grimes.

I can't tell if this one is as funny as I think it is or not:

hot blonde waitress at Max and Ermas - m4w - 53

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-604782✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-03-13, 9:02AM EDT

You waited on us. Group of 10 by the Sundae bar on Tuesday the 11th. You are so hot. I don't know if you come here or not, but it is worth a shot. You are so HOT!!!

LOOKING FOR THE WOMAN WHO TRADED HERSELF FOR MY TV - m4w - 40

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-612224✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-03-19, 10:58PM PDT

Spring 2003.

I was moving out of L.A. and selling some stuff on Craigslist.

I wanted $175 for my television. You answered my ad.

You said you needed a new TV but offered me something other than cash.

I waited for you downstairs.

You came rollin' down the sidewalk.

Two guys bumped into one another while looking at your delicious apple bottom.

I showed you that my TV worked. I put the cat outside.

Much better than $175.

I'm back in L.A.

I have another T.V.

Freddy Crooner is o_O

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/muc/612752647.html

his homepage is even more fucked up

Bloeing (???)

The left channel is a Boeing "feel good about us" promotional ad which I mess up by shifting pitch and playback speed via Photon X25 midi controller & Ableton. The right channel is a text-to-speech synthesized voice reading descriptions of weapons from their web site.

Holy shit!

Police offer amnesty to people who stole from Craigslist hoax victim

12:17 PM PDT on Tuesday, March 25, 2008

By AP and kgw.com Staff

JACKSONVILLE, Ore. -- Police say belongings removed from a Southern Oregon man's property have begun slowly reappearing at his home, a day after a pair of hoax ads on Craigslist cost Robert Salisbury much of what he owned.

And police said people who return the items voluntarily will not be prosecuted.

The ads popped up Saturday afternoon, saying the owner of a Jacksonville home was forced to leave the area suddenly and his belongings, including a horse, were free for the taking, said Jackson County Sheriff's Detective Sgt. Colin Fagan.

But the ads were a hoax. Robert Salisbury had no plans to leave.

The independent contractor was at Emigrant Lake when he got a call from a woman who had stopped by his house to claim his horse.

On his way home he stopped a truck loaded down with his work ladders, lawn mower and weed eater.

"I informed them I was the owner, but they refused to give the stuff back," Salisbury said. "They showed me the Craigslist printout and told me they had the right to do what they did."

The driver sped away after rebuking Salisbury. On his way home he spotted other cars filled with his belongings.

Once home he was greeted by close to 30 people rummaging through his barn and front porch.

The trespassers, armed with printouts of the ad, tried to brush him off. "They honestly thought that because it appeared on the Internet it was true," Salisbury said. "It boggles the mind."

Jacksonville police and Jackson County sheriff's deputies arrived but by then several cars packed with Salisbury's property had fled.

He turned some license plate numbers over to police. By late Monday, s ome people who learned of the hoax began to return items taken from the home. Authorities weren't able to say how much or what had been returned, but did say that by late Monday afternoon, items were "starting to piling up" in Salisbury's driveway.

Michelle Easley had seen the ad that claimed Salisbury's horse had been declared abandoned by the sheriff's department and was free to a good home.

"I can't stand to see a horse suffer so I drove out there and got her," Easley said. "The horse didn't look abandoned. She is in good shape for being 32 years old."

But it looked odd, so she left a note on Salisbury's door explaining the ad. She then decided to call to make sure the ad was legitimate when the second similar ad appeared.

"I feel bad because I was a part of it," Easley said. "It felt right to call the police."

Fagan praised Easley's honestly but said prosecution was likely for anybody caught with Salisbury's property.

Officers were still contacting people who were seen leaving Salisbury's house with his stuff. If they return the taken items, no charges will be filed. But people who don’t return what they took may face charges.

Items can be returned with no questions asked, Fagan said.

Detectives have contacted Craigslist's legal team to try to trace the ad.

Meanwhile, Salisbury could not even relax on his porch swing -- someone took it.

Apparently it was a disgruntled niece who done did it!

"They honestly thought that because it appeared on the Internet it was true," Salisbury said. "It boggles the mind."

Allegedly real ad in bay area cl. I got it in email. Smells like bs, but whatever

<img src=http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j278/oilyrags/ATT00001.jpg>;

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j278/oilyrags/ATT00001.jpg

Who is alleging this ad to be real?

whoever began sending it round, I guess.

According to Snopes it's a non-doctored pic, but that's bigger than any mastiff I've ever seen so I'm guessing there is either some trickery going on here.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/bigdog.asp

The easiest sort of 'trickery' I can imagine that doesn't involve doctoring the pic would be if that woman is unusually petite.

And the dog disturbingly massive.

look at her hand on the dog's leg. it's not that big, its just closer to the camera.

http://shipdisturbers.com/bestofcraigslist.jpg

stomp around on the buildings, just don't break em'!

imitation crab meat

omg

if that doesn't top the ad from the dude who wanted to jerk off into a tornado, then surely it's a close second

lock thread, surely.

25-70