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wtf, how was i sleeping on eris drew, this shit is fucking amazing, maybe it's because i don't go see a lot of djs - soon as i came out covid hit and since then ... i guess i could do dance nights and stuff, i don't really sleep these days, i'm just out of the loop what with not doing the socials and all.
― Kate (rushomancy), Saturday, 4 March 2023 19:41 (one year ago) link
i think one of the things that is really clicking with me right now, revisiting octo octa and eris drew's music, is this sense of _emergent_ transness. early in transition, octo octa's music was... not life-_saving_, but life-_giving_ to me. it gave me something to hope for. so much trans music is this sort of 4tran miserablist stuff and dysphoria is a _thing_, feeling bad is part of being trans. transition is a huge change, and that change is a good change but it's often difficult and it hurts, and sometimes it feels hopeless.
t4t luv nrg gave me something to look forward to, trans not as _becoming_ but as _being_. not just being, but t4t was this vision of a _community_. the worst thing about the dysphoria, for me, was feeling like i was the only one who felt that way, and so when that song with that hook, "i know exactly how you feel" came in, i knew she was right, she did.
and then covid and the slow collapse of my marriage fucked that all up. community stopped being about joy and was just about survival.
once we decided to all pretend covid was over and my marriage was dead, i wound up finding joy in community in other ways. that's the thing that i love about maya and eris's music now, just seeing how _many_ ways there are to be trans. when i look at maya and eris, i see accomplished, passionate, and fiercely loving women, women who know who they are and who love being who they are. maybe that's projecting, maybe they're just mirrors and i'm saying that because that's how i see myself.
but the thing is i also now see and value the ways in which i'm _not_ like them. i got friends who go out and dj all night and i think it's super cool and it's just not something i've gotten into really. i guess i could, i'm not really sleeping anyway, but the drop is brutal, and mushies don't play well with my mood stabilizers, and when you try to set up a date with molly a lot of the time tina shows up instead, and i just wind up doing t4t in other ways. my friends and i, we lie together, quiet and still, and hold each other and tell each other it's going to be ok.
anyway that's one of the things i love about their music now, the way it's about the joy of being in the moment, that it's one sort of transfem music and black dresses is another sort and tami t is another sort and that's without even getting into the whole panoply of _transmasc_ music which is its own amazing thing.
but what i also love about it is something that confuses a lot of people, in that it's not necessarily _obviously_ trans music in the way that, say, _transgender dysphoria blues_ is. trans music doesn't mean singing songs about being trans, it doesn't even have to be music that's _universally recognizable_ as trans. i got trans friends who hear maya and eris and they're like "wait, what's trans about this?" because transness isn't universal, because t4t doesn't mean every trans person for every other trans person. that used to bother me but now i think it's beautiful, that we're as different from each other as cis people are from each other.
― Kate (rushomancy), Tuesday, 7 March 2023 18:09 (one year ago) link
six months pass...
three months pass...
two weeks pass...
one month passes...