Kids say the darndest things

Ha!

Apparently my daughter asked at bedtime last night - "How old was Abraham Lincoln when he started Kentucky Fried Chicken?"

(leaving the house this morning, a small grey plastic bin has deposited itself on the front lawn, presumably blown in from a neighbour’s garden)

ME: oh look, a grey plastic bin

MY FOUR-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER: a grape bastard bin?!?

ME: oh no

lol

Opal's finally really into reading, and asking all the time "what's that mean" after reading things. The other day she says "There's a sign in our classroom that says Not Ice". Wife and I were very confused and spent minutes asking, is there usually ice? Are you sure that's what it said? Why would it say that.

Finally it hit me and I said "are you sure it doesn't say Notice:" and she says "NO, it says NOT ICE. N. O. T. I. C. E., not ice"

So I ask her if there's a space between the T and the I and says no.

"Chickens are nice! They give us eggs! Why do we eat them?"

Not wrong

Facebook memories resurrected this peach for me today, from when N was four and a half:

Popped in Sainsbury's to get some bits for tea.
"Why is daddy buying so many things? He said we just needed pizza and a pepper and now he has bread and all sorts of other things. He is such a dick."

hahahahaha

“Daddy, who’s the owner of Facebook?”
Well, its founder is a guy named Mark Zuckerberg.
“Oh yeah… I get his name confused with that blimp.”
What blimp?
“You know, that famous blimp that caught fire…”

Mark Zeppelinberg

lol

if someone disbelieves you:

"mums! mums bro!!!"

short for "mum's life" eg "i swear on my mother's life"

Opal (age 6) came home today and decided to write some song lyrics. Says it’s not done yet. Yes we’ve been listening to the Ramones. Yes we are very proud.

text reads:

"I wana wana wana do it now!
But I can't I wana wana
wana dot now!!!!

But I can't yeah
Yeah I can't I just can't
I want to eat all the candy
but I can't yeah yeah

I just want to play all the"

It ends there. She's still working on it.

third line should read "do it now"

Mine did a Dua Lipa parody:

If you don’t want to see me pooping on somebody

lmao

10you daughter apropos of nothing: "You know that song, The Monster Mash? People should only have to hear that once in their life."

ha. I had weird hatreds of things as a kid too. Grease soundtrack and Abba in particular. No idea why.

tbf i was that kid who despised ABBA because my only knowledge of them was being played at weddings i had no say in attending.

I think mine was because of this one girl I hated at school liked them?

God I'd be so miserable if I'd only have gotten to have hear the Monster Mash once in my life.

ok this is annoyingly pvmic* i guess but as a kid i disliked that this guy was creating a monster on a slab and the eerie sight was when it came alive -- why was he building it if not to come alive!?

*also it belongs on the "according to me *i* said the darndest things as a kid" thread -- except i don't think i ever voiced this complaint till now

The eeriness is in that the monster, which the scientist previously thought to be under his control, rose of its own accord in order to engage in a dance craze.

Monster Mash gets better every time I hear it

darlene love on backing tracks iirc. not her best work.

my son has changed his Apple ID username to 'rasting clart'

“Daddy, are you familiar with the show Seinfeld?”

LOL

my 8 year old loves to watch those "try not to laugh videos" on Youtube. I try to supervise it because some of those get pretty adult but we had people over today and I couldn't. anyway he comes out and asks what "deez nuts" means. that made me laugh pretty hard, which in turn inspired him to say it four dozen more times.

My kid’s been reading Tolkien, who uses the adjective “queer” a lot… the kid only knows it in the modern context, and he asked me about a section where I guess someone says, “Everyone in this town is queer”; and Bilbo goes, “But even I, myself, am queer.” My son said he was like – huh? (I couldn’t help but chuckle at his genuine misunderstanding, even tho this wouldn’t be something to remark upon otherwise)

ha that's the mirror of an unusually memorable middle-school experience caused by the exact same passage: asked by jeering classmates if i'm queer i answer earnestly "sure but everyone's queer" to great hilarity+alarm. otm tho

I'm reminded of us being read a passage from (I think?) Lion the Witch & the Wardrobe, where there was a passing comment about a "dead bluebottle on the windowsill".

I distinctly recall all us kids going "ew gross!". Becasue where I grew up, that meant a dead jellyfish on the windowsill.

"How many subscribers do you have?"

"You what's strange is that Taylor Swift has been singing for a really long time, and she's still not good at it. I thought if you practice so much at something you're supposed to get better."

she is hilarious

https://i.imgur.com/ZkS17m0.jpg

Couple of kids around 8 years old fist bumping everyone getting off the overground. Then announce triumphantly "NOW WE CAN MAKE DNA".

I went and visited my buddy to drop something off today, and his 5-year old and 7-year old were home. I hadn't seen them in a while, so daddy and Uncle Neanderthal and the two kids were having a good time being silly, and then 7-year old asks my buddy if he was alive during the Titanic sinking. so my friend, being a wiseass, says in actuality, it wasn't an iceberg that sunk the Titanic, but Godzilla, but few people knew that. and we said that Godzilla sunk the Stockton Rush submarine because they "got too close to the truth".

so both the 7-year old and 5-year old started giggling, ran with it and began spinning wild Godzilla tales, but the 7-year old busts out with Jesus coming down and fighting Godzilla, initially bodyslamming him, WWE style into the ocean, killing him. before he was mysteriously resurrected, and came back and fought Jesus again, only for God to show up and kill BOTH God and Godzilla. and then both came back to life, but according to the 7-year old, not until he took a humongous dump in the ocean.

*both Jesus and Godzilla

Happiness is submission to Godzilla

I’d watch that movie

My 6-yr-old asked why Neanderthals died out. I said, “I think they were outcompeted by humans… Humans were better at finding food.”

She said, “That’s when restaurants started, right?”

Ahem...

lol - present company excepted (sorry, N)!

"What's a good present for adults? Batteries?"

well

I mean, yeah

it’s not NOT true

On hearing Devo's "Whip It" in the car.

"This is like a song they would sing in a musical when they're getting ready to go fight a giant crocodile."