xpost honestly infusing humor and being corny is how I deal with my nerves. like...I tell bad jokes on purpose in class, and if I make a mistake, I don't belabor it or draw attention to it, but some light self-deprecating humor is fun and relatable ("hmm I can't speak today!").
LL very much otm.
let us know how this works out if you do go that route. i think it's an awesome idea.
― waiting for a czar to fall (Neanderthal), Friday, 10 February 2023 17:49 (one year ago) link
I mean, I've done volunteer coordination before but it has always been very concrete things like "paint a wall" or "take money at the door" or "sell beverages at the prices listed on this piece of paper" ... this is slightly more complex work
thanks y'all for yr support
― sarahell, Friday, 10 February 2023 17:53 (one year ago) link
oh and my best volunteer coordination task -- "all of this stuff over here is garbage, load it into this guy's truck and he is going to take it to the dump"
― sarahell, Friday, 10 February 2023 17:54 (one year ago) link
Gyac -
I'm responding to you on that alleged 'joke grievance' that you insist on bringing up on other threads (crossing boundaries in fact):
For boundaries to work, you have to enforce them...Many relationships seem to have more complicated arrangements than the Northern Ireland protocol, and with a greater variety of 'no hard border' and 'backstop' solutions, and protracted negotiations and threats to trigger unilateral dissolution.
Many relationships seem to have more complicated arrangements than the Northern Ireland protocol, and with a greater variety of 'no hard border' and 'backstop' solutions, and protracted negotiations and threats to trigger unilateral dissolution.
What I am saying is not entirely a poor joke - what I am saying is that if you identify hard boundaries, and insist on actively them, I can see this getting very protracted, involved, bureaucratic - and unpleasant. I'm wondering it's actually worth it.
To be clear- I didn't hold a grudge on your post for a year or whatever. I simply found my post again when the thread was revived - and noted that you hadn't grasped what I said.
By the way, I wonder if the irony has occurred to you that you were 'hard policing' a boundaries thread with your comments.
― Luna Schlosser, Sunday, 19 February 2023 10:49 (one year ago) link
may the conflict over this post not last as long as the referent
― sarahell, Sunday, 19 February 2023 15:24 (one year ago) link
Has anyone got any good tips for dealing with persistent interruptions? I work in teaching, so of course interruption is woven into the fabric of the job. On a given day, outside of the usual madness of lessons, I might get visited by upwards of 10 kids who just want to check in, which is fine. But it's the stuff after school when I might have an hour/hour and a half to get prepared for the next day and it's just relentless - and complicated by the fact that it's not one person (to whom I could say, 'look, any chance?'), but multiple people, none of whom are really aware that I've just got rid of the last person. I guess I have an approachable demeanour, which is fine, but short of a sign on the door saying 'leave me alone' the only real tactic I have is to get grumpy. Today, I went and hid in another room and got so much done. HELP.
― Shard-borne Beatles with their drowsy hums (Chinaski), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 19:19 (one year ago) link
Can you do your wrap-up work from home or do you have to sit in the office til 4:30
― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 19:25 (one year ago) link
I mean a sign is perfectly reasonable also imo. Come on in/knock/do not disturb/out. Seen those a million times in my life!
― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 19:26 (one year ago) link
A set time for office hours on your door and otherwise not available? A sign up sheet?
― Piggy Lepton (La Lechera), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 19:31 (one year ago) link
There's a weird grey area in teaching (in UK schools, anyway) where you're free to go at 3.30 and no one will judge you but 'oh, you're the kind of person who goes at 3.30 are you?' is absolutely a thing. Eh. Plus, I've set myself a boundary, that I stay at work and get finished up so that I don't let it bleed into my home life, because will it ever if I let it.
And the sign is fine, but certain people - senior management, lolbantz colleagues - would totally ignore it: the former, fine, that's expected; the latter would make it a point to come in and talk to me about the sign and I'm back to being grumpy. ARGH.
― Shard-borne Beatles with their drowsy hums (Chinaski), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 19:34 (one year ago) link
Interruptions by colleagues rather than pupils, right?
― giant bat fucker (gyac), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 19:58 (one year ago) link
I actually think about this gif all the time https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2018-11/28/13/asset/buzzfeed-prod-web-02/anigif_sub-buzz-11354-1543428630-7.gifNot just cos it’s amazing (though it is) but as a slightly unusual example of enforcing personal boundaries in a way most people are going to have trouble responding to. The interviewer asks Mariah about JLo, who Mariah hates; Mariah just breezes straight through with “I don’t know her.” What are you going to say to that? Can you prove it? Are you going to call out someone saying something so brazen? No, most people won’t want to get drawn into awkwardness. The conversation moves on.Anyway in this situation you can probably take a leaf from Mariah’s book - less is more. It might take a while and it depends on what the interruptions are.You can gesture at whatever you’re working on and smile sweetly (if you can do this, I personally can’t) and say “really sorry, can I come back to you, I’ve just got to finish…”. The trailing sentence is important! Don’t specify! There are two reasons: 1) it may not be any of their business and 2) you want to cut the conversation short and not give them an opening to ask about what you’re working on. It’s really important to be nice but firm about it.It’s probably not useful for you but in my circumstances if I have time to volunteer to help people at other times then I’ll do so, purely so when I say no, they know that you are the kind of person who will help, crucially, if you have time. Headphones are usually a good “don’t bother me” signal but you will ofc run into people who cheerfully ignore this. Might not be appropriate in your workplace either.
― giant bat fucker (gyac), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 20:08 (one year ago) link
Oh yeah and importance of saying along the lines of “I’ll come back to you” factors into Mariah example. You may have zero intention of doing so, especially if it’s a trivial interruption, but it softens the excuse and it actually works with your reason: if you don’t come back to them on their timetable, you can simply point to the thing you’re working on (sorry, you know how it is!) & eventually they may get the message. Either way it’s good to get practice at saying no.
― giant bat fucker (gyac), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 20:13 (one year ago) link
That all makes a lot of sense, gyac. And I'm here for a Mariah solution. I like the 'playing the long game' vibe of it. I do that 'turn back to my computer and just get on with it' thing but, it's either all teachers or I work with a particularly thick-skinned subset of teachers, my colleagues have a remarkable facility for just carrying on rabbiting at me.
I'm second in the department, so it is sometimes work-related, which is obviously fine; but mostly I think it's either a) someone avoiding making a decision and fixing it through me or b) plain boredom/distractedness.
― Shard-borne Beatles with their drowsy hums (Chinaski), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 20:30 (one year ago) link
If you’ve ever been on the tube at night & had someone fall asleep on you, I liken the kind of people who cheerfully ignore these signals to people slightly impaired from drink. They probably don’t mean any harm but they don’t know what they’re doing and you don’t want them in your way, right? So the gentlest nudge to move them on. That’s why it’s important you say “Sorry can I come back to you…” cos it makes it impossible for them to ignore the other signals you’re sending out.
― giant bat fucker (gyac), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 20:53 (one year ago) link
and, if you let it slide enough times without pushback, eventually it can become a much more angry "leave me alone" that comes out of you out of nowhere as the frustration builds up and isn't processed.
― hootenanny-soundtracking clusterfucks about milking cows (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 21:13 (one year ago) link
i was pleasantly surprised the first few times I said "I actually am a bit tied up at the moment" gently how well it was received. sure, every now and then someone gets cranky about it but wasn't very often.
― hootenanny-soundtracking clusterfucks about milking cows (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 21:14 (one year ago) link
Amen gyac.
I've got a sense of being much better at putting boundaries in place as I get older. I've stopped commenting on a bunch of different WhatsApp groups, and have stopped going to a bunch of things I used to out of duty, and I honestly don't miss any of it but I do get a twinge of worry sometimes, and am conscious of becoming an 'only on my terms' guy and isolating myself. I don't know. Does that ring true with anyone else?
― Shard-borne Beatles with their drowsy hums (Chinaski), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 21:20 (one year ago) link
You make it sound eminently achievable, Neanderthal, which is totally what I need to hear!
― Shard-borne Beatles with their drowsy hums (Chinaski), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 21:21 (one year ago) link
I do that 'turn back to my computer and just get on with it' thing but
genuine pro tip, stop turning away from your computer when you dont eant to be disturbed
its something i was told a few years ago, working in an open office, and it's a genuine game changer
― Ár an broc a mhic (darraghmac), Wednesday, 15 March 2023 21:36 (one year ago) link
i am way too hungover to have boundaries convos with not one but two people today. jfc.
somewhat shockingly though I remained calm through it and weirdly perversely enjoyed it the second time.
― Trout Fishing in America (Neanderthal), Saturday, 8 April 2023 20:17 (eleven months ago) link
what it tells me is that these people are used to having people in their life who are willing to shit on their own needs to appease these people
― Trout Fishing in America (Neanderthal), Saturday, 8 April 2023 20:18 (eleven months ago) link
i have realized after 3 years of covid, that if i am not physically in the same place as someone, it's really easy to ignore them ... also, if i am in the same place as them (this doesn't work if you live with the other person), it is fairly easy to leave because there's this thing you have to do for someone else.
― sarahell, Saturday, 8 April 2023 20:31 (eleven months ago) link
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jul/14/what-are-relationship-boundaries-jonah-hill
― xyzzzz__, Friday, 14 July 2023 09:56 (eight months ago) link
It's amusing AF when the people who tried to puppeteer me when I was in a serious wave of depression recoil now that I've been putting a stop to it since I've been feeling better in the last week.
I don't get it. I'm by far not a perfect person but there is zero part of me that would ever want to see a friend loved one only through the lens of what they could do for me.
― Ghidorah, the three-headed Explorah (Neanderthal), Friday, 22 December 2023 01:27 (three months ago) link