WWE 2023: Getting Ucey

Fucking hell they just jizzed Mountain Dew everywhere

“I have no idea what I just saw”

The commentators are trying but are still saying this. Fuuuck that was the dumbest thing since… Vince was obsessed with an egg?

was this planned before Vince came back?

why the hell was the Rumble match first? I missed it!

And now a 5 minute Brock video? Between the rumble and the last match was like a 15 minute video. They genuinely could have got another match in. I guess it took forever to change the neon paint.

i still cannot get over that ending. utter perfection. i don't think wwe has a better set of performers equipped to handle this storyline.

It was a thing of beauty. I liked that it was left open too. Roman could realistically fight Jey, Cody or Sami at Wrestlemania and make a great main event. It's a little bit of a shame Cody is attached actually, as he has nothing to do with such a hot storyline but he is the hottest non-bloodline thing they have going and you want to build that momentum.

xxp to Godzilla: The Wyatt match was, predictably, the piss break. Everyone left in droves since all we could see was the glowing ropes and L.A. Knight's trunks.

Wrestlemania is two nights again, so I'm thinking Sami night one, Cody night two, since they've been building up Cody's return for a while now.

Elimination Chamber is in Montreal, so I'm imagining that Sami wins a #1 contender's chamber match for the Universal Championship, and within a few weeks, Cody will declare that he'll challenge for the WWE title.

The two rumble matches were pretty okay, and somewhat predictable as far as outcomes, but the ending of the show definitely made this PPV.

Another great Roman-Sami interaction on Smackdown, leading to an Elimination Chamber match between the 2 of them. This has got me hyped enough to watch 3 PPVs in a row. If only sex pest Vince didn’t come back, I’d have maybe considered getting the network again and not just illegally streaming em online.

Can't believe I didn't post about this, but oh man Sami bringing back "Worlds Apart" popped me huge.

A bit long, but as a longtime Zayniac, I really was amazed at how he sort of pulled back the curtain in this. He's been so protective of his personal life that to reveal all at once that he's married (which I knew) and had a child (which I didn't!) was a treat. Sami is a treasure.

I’ve just watched XPac & Road Dogg v Chyna and Billy for “the rights to DX”.

I know there has been a decent amount of rehabilitation of Chyna’s legacy but god damn was she great. She always made a show better.

Fuck me I am coming to really hate Pac and the NAO though. No wonder it got called X Pac Heat. Their characters are the worst and their matches are monotonous. Thank God I didn’t start rewatching every PPV before Daddy Ass, or I think it would have soured me on the past year.

I can’t wait for Jericho, Angle and the Radicalz to turn up. I’m still seeing Mideon and Al Snow matches.

Other thoughts from Fully Loaded 1999 because why the hell not.

I forgot how bad Triple H’s punches were. The “cradle the head and then punch my own hand” is gonna drive me nuts for the next 15 years of shows.

Also lol at the stipulation for the main event. Either Stone Cold can never wrestle for the title or that we’ll never see McMahon again. If only…

I guess I should figure out what Raw is the reveal of the higher power.

I can’t wait for Jericho, Angle and the Radicalz to turn up. I’m still seeing Mideon and Al Snow matches.

back when I still had the Network I thought about spending some time digging into some 'classic' Raws. When my random 1996 choice started with Ahmed Johnson vs Crush I quickly gave up on that plan.

The late-career appreciation Daddy Ass is getting makes me want to force-feed modern fans some of his attitude-era efforts. Even as a still fairly mark-ish teen he stood out to me as one of the worst workers in a pretty ropey bunch.

Not including anything criminal or morally unjust, King of the Ring Mr Ass has got to be in the top 10 worst decisions WWF made in the 90s. And they made a lot of bad decisions.

Another observation while I'm here: noone has velvet tights anymore! Need more sultry goths in wrestling.

I’m at the main event of SummerSlam 99 and I’ve just seen the 7th low blow of the night. No ref has disqualified any one of them. Every show is like this.

I feel like people who complain about modern booking need to be made to watch some old stuff, wrestlings always been shit.

And awesome of course. This show has still been fun as hell, gotta be top 10 of summer slams. Shame this board doesn’t have more wrestling fans, a “best PPVs ever” poll would be great.

Last night was an all-time great Mania, and you could even argue that it was the best ever. And that's just the first night!

losing my shit laughing at cody losing to roman

It’s so funny. Also Shane’s quad.

You know what’s not funny? The fucking hour of adverts and bollocks filler between the HIAC and the main event. Feel like I lost my mind just wanting to get to the fireworks factory.

"Triple H doesn't forget" bro i'm cryin 😭😭pic.twitter.com/Ms8SVE4fal

— iBeast (@ibeastIess) April 4, 2023

have to imagine there are a decent number of ex-WWE wrestlers having to reconsider returning to the company after the last few days. FTR probably getting Ucey Hot flashbacks.

Dear god the invasion is the worst. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of 2001 without my eyes getting stuck rolled permanently into the back of my head.

I know none of my insights will be original but I’d stopped watching when this happened first time around and I’ve never seen it before.

The DDP stalker angle is one of the worst things I’ve seen in my rewatching. He’s such a natural Babyface too! And I’ve had to watch Earl Hebner v Nick Patrick.

The face and heel dynamic is the worst part though. Vince (heel?) owns the WWF (face). Linda (face) also runs it. Regal (heel) is the commissioner. Austin is the champion. He was a heel until he joined the WWF side (face) and then screwed them (heel). Angle was a heel but he’s the main focal point of the WWF side (face). The ref Nick Patrick (heel) helps Austin win for WCW. No other ref makes one sided positions, despite Hebner (face) fighting Patrick when WWF refs (face) fought in a schmoz against WCW refs (heel).

The second most important WCW figure after SCSA is Shane (was face, turned heel) who owns it. He is feuding with Vince (face?) and his champion is Booker T (WCW face, turned heel). Booker makes his name heeling on SCSA (heel?) and then leads the WCW fight. He fights The Rock (face). Booker still wrestles like a face, doing the face move Spinaroonie, that Jim Ross (face) thinks is the biggest travesty of a heel move ever done. WCW’s third biggest wrestler DDP (WCW face, bought in as a heel) doesn’t seem to care about brand supremacy and is instead stalking the Undertaker’s wife. Limp Bizkit Taker (face) is running the WWF side (face) but doesn’t seem to do much for it, and is instead busy counter stalking DDP. Kane (face) is helping him.

Paul Heyman and Steph (heel) are running ECW. WWF seem to have no trouble still hiring Heyman as a commentator despite him making others run in to hurt WWF wrestlers. Jim Ross (face) hates him. Paul Heyman supports wrestlers like Rhyno (heel) and RVD (face) against the likes of Jeff Hardy (face) and Edge (heel). XPac is involved a lot (face, biggest chants outside the main event are “XPac sucks”). The APA, who wrestle like heels, are the face team who basically run the WWF side. The Dudley Boyz basically run the other side (heel) but do their face wrestling.

Honestly I’m unsure who is the 5th most important WCW guy, after Shane, Austin, Booker and DDP. Lance Storm? Shawn Stasiak? I know a lot has been said about people sitting about big contracts but fucking hell. You can’t do an invasion angle with only Booker T and DDP, who are both best as mega faces!

I love just seen The Rock saved by a… Mike Chioda run in.

I’m watching Wrestlemania X8 and having to sit through the second nu metal performance in the first hour. Also Maven lost to someone who wasn’t in his match after 1 hit of a bin lid, what a way to push your reality tv star.

Thank god this show has Rock-Hogan.

——

2001 was a slog. Nothing made sense, the Radicalz disappeared and I’ve not got Rollin by Limp Bizkit out my head for the past week. Also the fucking What chants started, along with “You Suck” for Kurt’s theme.

I was at X8, in the nosebleeds. We couldn’t see the ring for the Regal vs RVD opener due to all the pyro smoke but could just about make it out on one of the big screens behind the logo banners.

Edge’s Rob Zombie is in my top 5 worst entrance songs. How he ended up a main eventer I really don’t know.

So strange that the young whippersnappers really outlasted their opponents in this passing of the torch show. Scott Hall (last match 2016) outlasted Austin (retired in 2003), Roc Flair (LM 2022) outlasted Taker (LM 2020) and Hulk Hogan (LM 2012) outlasted The Rock (retired 2004).

(Yes I know Austin fought Steen at wrestlemania and Rock fought Erick Rowan too, but let’s ignore this for how funny my realisation is)

The Rock main evented Wrestlemania in 2012 and 2013

Tried to do a 2002 rewatch recently inspired by the OVW grad DLC in the new 2k game, but the pre-WMX8 "dogshit nwo reboot and Chris Jericho losing his title rematch because Triple H pinned his own wife" era is a slog

I know he did, who can forgot once in a lifetime and also once in lifetime Pt 2.

I’m just waiting for Brock to turn up, I’ve never really watched his first run.

lmao brick’s first ppv match is about lita’s thongs. The attitude era was a fucking mess. I presume I have Katie vick coming up soon too, because, ya know, triple h is currently a face.

WTF HOGAN WON THE TITLE FROM TRIPLE H IN 2002? How did I not know this?

It’s a shame Triple H was never in a position to do angry shoot interviews. I’d love to know what his opinion of 2002 Hogan is. The Rock X8 match outshined his main event so much that he lost the title to him a month later and at the next ppv he can’t even main event in a Hell In A Cell match so Hogan can.

I agree completely re: the invasion. It made no sense while it was happening and the blow off match was five WWF guys vs three WWF guys, a second gen ECW star (Van Dam), and Booker T. When it was over the alliance was "gone forever", with the exception of everyone holding a title (i.e. everyone important). So basically nobody went anywhere and the match had no stakes. Booker T was gone, sort of, but came back a month later.

I went to WM X8 and people were streaming for the exits within seconds after the three count in the main event. Not only were they outshined by Rock vs Hogan, the feud itself was probably booked more horribly than any other WM main event ever. Instead of the culmination of two year blood feud between the returning megastar vs the arrogant heel champion defending in his home country of Canada, they had to feud over Jericho accidentally running over HHH's dog.

Hogan did kind of sabotage HHH's post-WM run, but he was kind of DOA anyway because he was too big and too slow to have the great matches he regularly had during his 2000-2001 run, and the Jericho feud just sealed his failure.

And with the benefit of hindsight (plus several more HHH heel/face turns), babyface hero HHH was never a success in any era.

I went to WM X8 and people were streaming for the exits within seconds after the three count in the main event

I was in the nosebleeds and I could see that thousands had left well before the main event started, probably after the Rock/Hogan match. In fairness, it was a fairly late show; it took my group about 10 minutes to get down the ramp and outside after the main event and it was almost midnight.

I watched WM19 yesterday. I think Triple H - Booker may have had anti-reaction from the crowd. 50+ thousand people and it sounded like a Bobby Fish promo. Possibly the least over Mania match I’ve seen; even Lex-Yoko got a boo for the bullshit finish. If he wasn’t married into the company, Mr. Hearst would have been fucked after that and the Steiner feud. But instead now I get 2 years of Evolution.

And hoo boy the shooting star press. It was even worse than I remember. God knows how Brock got up from it to throw another F5 for a new finish. He literally then couldn’t stand up to celebrate winning the main event of Wrestlemania. Excusing people dying or being paralysed in the ring, it has to be the biggest botch in wrestling history. It’s definitely the high profile and most spectacular. I can’t imagine what would have happened to wrestling if the winner of the main event of Wrestlemania, the new golden boy, paralysed himself doing a dumb fucking move he’s never done before.

Damn. RIP Bray

Heartbreaking news.

It's been a rough week in the wrestling world, man. Terry Funk yesterday, and Bray Wyatt today...

Picking back 2003 WWE and with this phrase, I’m unsure I’ve made a good decision: “here comes the undefeated Rodney Mack”

Spoilers - he won. Is he gonna have a streak? Goldberg is back, maybe he gave him some tips.

The second ummm match is a burping contest that has lasted about 10 minutes.

This is possibly the worst PPV I’ve ever seen so far. Knowing I have to sit through Scott Steiner v Test and HIAC Nash v HHH doesn’t bode well either.

2003 has been so weird. Thank God I’m not watching every Raw.

On one hand, Brock v Kurt is great and one of the best in ring feuds WWE ever had.

On the other hand, almost literally everything else is terrible. So maybe weird isn’t the right description. It has felt weird though. Like Cena obviously being pushed to the moon one month, then tagging with the FBI the next month. And how much you can hear people yawn and groan when he taps. Or Roddy Piper as the manager of the creepy cult leader guy. The rape vibes continue with storylines with Stephanie, Sable and Stacy Kiebler while it is definitely implied that Eric Bischoff has raped Linda. Talking of which, there is soooo much McMahons. They can have multiple matches on each card. They had go home heat with me THREE YEARS before at WM2000, and they still won’t go away. Coach had a heel turn. Kane electrocuted Shane’s testicles. Bob Holly continues to feature.

I could continue for a while listing these things. I don’t think I watched a single show between 2002 and 2009, and have only seen some better WM matches and the Rumbles, so I’m very intrigued to see the years I missed, the ones that made wrestling today what it is. You know, the Benoit years.

First though, fuck. A Shane McMahon-Kane ambulance match and then his dad v Biker Taker in a buried alive match.

I am not watching every Raw, so I do understand I’m not seeing what everyone hated at the time but fuck it…

I’m absolutely loving Goldberg v Evolution

WWE was so bad in 2003 that I nearly gave up watching wrestling completely, and that's no joke. If it wasn't for Chris Jericho, who still delivering great performances nearly every week even though he was stuck working with useless stiffs, I probably would have stopped.

On weekly TV, nearly everything between the Angle vs Benoit feud (ending in January) and Shawn Michaels coming back full time in the fall, was awful.

But there were still some gems here and there -- WM 19 was one of the best ever, Brock and Angle had a good rivalry (with Angle's neck hanging on by a thread), Ric Flair was still entertaining.

By the end of the year, Eddie was becoming a superstar, Evolution was coming into their own, and 2004 ended up being a fantastic year. Go figure.

Only watching the PPVs it seems really strange that Benoit and Eddie have been seemingly hotshot into the titles. I wonder if they wanted to actually do it or it was just a reaction to Brock and Goldberg leaving. Both WM matches are terrific though.

Fascinating how much heel Angle’s character was just being a racist.

At 4 1/2 hours, WM20 is a bloated show that could have been great. It definitely didn’t need an evening gown tag match or Jesse Ventura chatting to ringside Trump or 2 tag team 4 ways, for example. By the end I was worn out, not getting into an amazing win for Benoit.

Obviously Vince never saw a problem with it.

Oh my God, Klansman Mordechai has debuted. His white spandex and dyed white facial hair is absolutely hilarious. How could Vince have thought anyone could take this guy seriously?

I guess Piper’s leather jacket cult leader dude from 2003 has gone. Did Vince just have an awkward spooky guy once a year up until Bray?

Just about to watch this at Judgment Day 2004:

Rico and Charlie Haas (c) v Bob Holly and Billy Gunn

This looks like the worst tag team combo I’ve ever seen.

Billy Gunn won’t get in the ring with Rico because he seems like a homosexual stereotype (despite walking out with an attractive woman). Billy Gunn nearly kayfabe married a man 2 years prior.

Surprisingly good match between Cena and Rene Dupree. I think it’s the first time I’ve seen how over Cena is.

And then a Kenzo Suzuki promo

A “rare” sight of the Undertaker (who afaict was on WM, multiple Smackdowns on the lead up to the PPV and will be on the next SD PPVs) v Booker T has Booker kayfabe throw a persons ashes* in Takers eyes, only to have him no-sell it. The indignity of what Booker and Vince think of whoever’s ashes it was.

*or “sand”, as Taz changes his mind and calls it.

To mix it up, I’ve watched the first two Starrcades. Fuck me, I was already annoyed by people who say old school wrestling was better but god damn so much of this is bollocks. A lot of the matches have absolutely no storytelling and the finishes all come out of nowhere. I started looking at my phone as Flair beat Race at SC83 and missed it , I just never saw him going to the top rope and them rolling on each other as the finish to the first ever PPV.

That said, Dusty’s sexy r&b theme music is awesome. Absolutely the opposite of fight music, but I love it none the less.

Definitely need your antennae tuned to a favourable frequency in order to enjoy a lot of 80s wrestling (particularly if you’ve recently been binging early-mid 00s WWE (which is surely the nadir, at least until the back end of the 2010s))

Definitely need your antennae tuned to a favourable frequency in order to enjoy a lot of 80s wrestling (particularly if you’ve recently been binging early-mid 00s WWE (which is surely the nadir, at least until the back end of the 2010s))

shitty finishes in old wrestling were ubiquitous (try watching some old All Japan) but that doesn't invalidate the things that ppl correctly point that used to be better.

I think a lot of that is the commentary. Gordon Solie sounds the same at minute 1 as at minute 15.

I have enjoyed some things. The Briscoes v Steamboat/Youngblood was most probably my highlight. My lowlight is possibly how little character a lot of wrestlers have - you are lucky if you get the dude love shakey leg dance* out of some. Contrasted with Jimmy Valiant, who can’t wrestle but is driving people WILD, it really stands out. Maybe wrestling needs more crazy hobo beards.

*which a bunch of people have done and always get a huge pop.

you didn't enjoy Piper / Valentine?

It was good, possibly great. Better than all WWE dog collar matches, not as good as the AEW ones. Maybe my second favourite match. Found it very strange to see people pop for Valentine, who I’ve always treated as a cretin.

So according to Starrcade 85, a Mexican Death Match is… actually a sombrero on a pole match.

Omg Barry Darsow never even pretended to do a Russian accent as Krueger Khrushev? This is possibly the worst breaking of kayfabe I’ve ever seen. Wrestling should have died the year of Wrestlemania 1; Demolition Smash killed it.

There is so much blading. The people who complain about Moxley doing it should never watch these shows.

How the hell was Buddy Landel allowed to do the Natural Boy gimmick with Flair in the main event? I would get it if it was a Big Poppa Pump/Lil Petey Pump situation, or maybe like Mizdow. But as far as I can tell, I’m supposed to take him seriously as just as different nature boy. It’s like if idk Jungle Boy comes back and is suddenly wearing Burberry and calling himself the devil.

More observations:

It’s strange seeing baby Earl Hebner in a different company, even more so than any wrestler. He looks clueless in the excellent Magnum TA-Tully match. Would recommend.

No one really celebrates winning a match. The best you’ll get it as an arm raised, but more likely you’ll get a heel smack the winner to get their heat back. Hogan’s post match routine must have felt so different.

I've been watching a lot of early 80s Mid South and I'm a big fan of the sleeper being a babyface finish, and the face being instructed by the ref post-match to wake up the sleeping heel with a stiff chop to the back of the neck so that they don't stay asleep until brain death presumably occurs

Took me a while to figure out why the then-upstanding Mr Olympia was sitting all of his beaten opponents up to do a post-match beatdown that involves hitting them exactly once

Americans - how was Cena ever allowed to be a face wearing different teams jerseys every week?

If someone went on British telly wearing like Liverpool shirt and then next week a Chelsea shirt and the week after a Rangers shirt and then the week after a United kit etc. - everyone would fucking hate them.

Great American Bash 04 and what is more patriotic than… Paul Heyman threatening to murder a kidnapped Paul Bearer via pouring concrete all over her and the company thinking that’s fine, hiring a concrete truck in case the Undertaker doesn’t “do the right thing” and Heyman just had to murder his colleague.

I’m not sure there is a worse main event you could book than Undertaker v the Dudleyz (w/ Heyman) for whether Paul Bearer should be murdered.

But I’ve just seen Eddie lose his title like a little bitch to JBL in a dusty finish, so who knows. This hasn’t even had the worst wrestling but it’s gotta be one of the worst PPVs I’ve seen since starting to rewatch them all at Summerslam 96

Undertaker won and still murdered his father figure.

Now watching Vengeance 2004. Eugene is basically the main event storyline. Maybe all the companies should have gone bust in 2001.

Oh and Lita had sex with Kane to protect Matt Hardy and now may be having his demon baby. Vince loves a cuck angle, doesn't he? It makes this professional wrestler seem like such a bitch that in the same year Rey Mysterio can fight Big Show, Hardy's gf thinks he's too small and shit to fight regular loser Kane and would prefer to bargain sex for his safety. I guess this leads to Heidenrich punting the baby into the crowd, a Raw I may have to stop and watch.

You can tell Eugene is very talented, it is such a shame to see him be given such an offensive gimmick.

I know its a mute point now for many reasons but the way Vince treated Benoit and Eddie as champions was absolute dirt. IIRC Orton beats Krispin at Summerslam and then I've got a year of Mr. Headlock and JBL as champs. It's going to be brutal.

punk is back baby

have fun with that, wwe

Welll I’m sure this will drama free

I am quite eye-rolling to big jumpy spots these days. Kairi Sane spending ten years putting a bin on her head to jump off the cage was too much for me, and I’ve given up trying to watch survivor series in the first match.

This is a million times worse than most of the shit people call AEW out for

Lmao

the first dance: twice in a lifetime

“I’m home” had me rolling. This run is gonna be dreadful. Or it would be if I could watch wwe more than a handful of times a year.

Not usually a fan of Reddit but I weren’t watching raw. My favourite comment:

Cm punk to his barber: yeah, please fuck my shit up.