Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2023

i don't get ten minute standing ovations, I've seen movies and/or theatre and/or musical performances that I've found incredible, but there is no way in hell you're going to convince me to spend ten minutes clapping

Do they electrify the seats at Venice and Cannes to make them stand for so long? Or is it just to drunk film journalists on a paid junket to regurgitate press releases that the standing only seems like 10 minutes?

idk probably coke + vibes

saw the trailer for Quantumania in front of Glass Onion in November and that was dire as hell, this Marvel shit is all two (2) jokes and then some greenscreen weird object ballet that has deadly serious implications for the next movie

Don’t watch trailers but the other Ant-Mens at least genuinely feel like Peyton Reed made them, and have at least five jokes each plus both good + funny action scenes. And the first one only has one 3-minute scene with another MCU character in, that could be satisfyingly excised in whole*

* prob bcz the previous Wright + Cornballs script hadn’t allowed for scheduling any other MCU actors with their own careers

otherwise otm ofc

Peer pressure - everyone not wanting to be the first person to stop applauding. When enough people start collapsing from exhaustion, the ovation loses critical mass and ends

seems fair enough to clap if people who made the movie are in the auditorium

standing up and cheering US colonialism in yr local multiplex not so much

‘Untitled Ghostbusters Afterlife sequel’ = a phrase absolutely dripping with inertia, so I choose that.

I actually watched Afterlife on a plane a few weeks ago, I didn’t hate it but nor did I experience any other recognisably human emotion while watching.

bringing back Gozer/Shandor and the original cast ruined what was going to be a feelgood story about the young, shy girl who finds something she excels at.

Finn Wolfhard completely wasted. I still had a good time, but why couldn't they have invented a new ghost rather than saying "we didn't defeat Gozer enough last time"

Bc of the creative bankruptcy of everyone involved presumably

genuinely feel like Peyton Reed made them

and are both legit episodes of the On Cinema universe

"we didn't defeat Gozer enough last time"

more like Ghosthalfbusters

by Fairport Convention

Whatever the results are, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny will garner too many votes, and Dune: Part Two not enough.

sure they will... on backwards day! [now imagine that i'm hi-fiving myself]

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

The book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had an actual, real sequel by Dahl: The Great Glass Elevator

Never knew why no one has ever attempted this

Bc it’s weird as fuck

hah yeah I read that. the President of the US is named something like President Gilligrass or something and he appears in the book

it'd be a good cronenberg movie to get high to

Yeah, iirc there's some bullshit with a space station or something? I sometimes get the feeling with Roald Dahl that after he pitched a good premise his editor asked "and then what happens!?!" and then he just improvised some stuff. "um, and then they talk about witches for 100 pages, and then they turn into mice," or "they talk about the life of giants and then ... they visit the Queen?"

Vermicious Knids that shape their bodies into letters!

Vermicious Knids that shape their bodies into letters!

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey creator wants a cinematic universe with Bambi and Peter Pan

They must be stopped

mad handclaps for John Wick 4 using "Seasons in the Sun" in its trailer and looping the "it's hard to die" lyric over and over at one point

Walter Chaw on the latest Potterverse thing basically sums up my feelings on the IP-ification of Hollywood: https://www.filmfreakcentral.net/ffc/2023/03/fantastic-beasts-the-secrets-of-dumbledore.html

These movies aren't socially destructive in the sense that there's something offensive about them thematically--mainly because there's not a lot about them thematically. They're all second acts in competing Telenovelas: breathless melodramas in which one thing bleeds into the next like cells ravaged by Ebola. There's no hope for an end to the suffering so long as there's money to be squeezed thick from its black buboes: another amusement-park attraction, another opportunity to be relevant in an era where tentpoles are the only currency. Was a time a film with ten sequels was regarded as a cheap joke. That time is now.

not that I disagree, but wow that is a dense thicket of mixed metaphors

Some nice lines in that piece.

There's a scene where the Scamanders are running away from a bunch of scorpions when the biggest scorpion suddenly starts shooting lava out of its stinger. It's magic, I don't care where it learned to do this, I don't need the backstory of it as a larva barely through its first moult trains with a bearded Oriental master on the finer points of shooting lava out its ass. But how can one understand the stakes in an action sequence if there was no establishment of geography and weaponry? If anything can happen at any moment, then nothing matters. There are no terms of engagement. It's a lot like the rules J.K. Rowling made for her Quidditch game: garbled nonsense that is the product of, as time has shown, a disorganized mind incapable of recognizing contradictions and averse to being told otherwise

Coming next year:

The Fall Guy is an upcoming American action thriller film directed by David Leitch, written by Drew Pearce, and starring Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt. It is an adaptation of the 1980s TV series of the same name created by Glen A. Larson, which starred Lee Majors. The Fall Guy is set to be released on March 1, 2024, by Universal Pictures.

"John Wick" director, writer of a "Mission:Impossible"/"Hobbes and Shaw." Kinda weird, because as far as recognizable IPs go, "The Fall Guy" has gotta be scraping the barrel. Don't see why these people bothered resurrecting it when they could have just written an action movie about a stunt man and no one would have made the connection.

Anyway, we can't be that far from an "Automan" reboot.

The director of Deadpool 2 and of Hobbs & Shaw, not the director of John Wick 2, John Wick: Parabellum, John Wick 4, or the credited director of John Wick 1.

Glad we cleared that up, thanks.

Since one guy has directed all four John Wicks, and no other movies, some readers may have thought you meant him (as opposed to a guy whose only directorial credits are in fact for making sequels and adaptations)

haha THE FALL GUY? wow.

next up, do The 100 Lives of Black Jack Savage

leitch is a hack

there was apparently a Fall Guy board game

Bullet Train was fun though

And imagine most people of a certain age (in the UK at least) could sing along to all of "The Unknown Stuntman"

Also isn't Leitch himself a former stuntman?

bullet train… i’d maybe go as far to say it’s diverting…. but fun? it was like sub-guy ritchie

yeah it was very clearly Guy Ritchie pastiche but without the Vaughan-era Ritchie's technique of including actual jokes (or editing to give the impression of them)

also it's 50 minutes longer than those

I really disliked Bullet Train. The film sucked everything out of the book that made it interesting/entertaining.

Anyone who still thinks reboots are stupid needs to watch this NOW. 👇👇👇pic.twitter.com/myeBm9XruR

— Jeremy (@jeremylevick) March 13, 2023

Lego Zapruder

I’m patiently awaiting grimdark Grizzly Adams.

Grizzly

The Apple Dumpling Gang...as you've never seen them before.

Getalong Gang featuring Montgomery "Mayhem" Moose, a 'Nam vet

Come on y'all, Grisly Adams is such a gimme

bullet train… i’d maybe go as far to say it’s diverting…. but fun? it was like sub-guy ritchie

― flamenco drop (BradNelson), Monday, March 13, 2023 6:25 AM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

as cool as the John Wick movies are, any attempts to replicate the films' style and self-contained universe have been almost completely bad. i think they're kind of a terrible influence on action movies, just bc they walk a knife's edge: they're pretty reasonably coherent visually despite being "busy" and they're pretty interesting in terms of character dynamics (despite the characters being types and not people per se...) and it takes a lot of skill to have them not be completely dumb and actually next-level. there's a lot of Walter hill in those movies, just the surreal take on a genre picture like The Warriors or Streets of Fire.

Didn't realize there was a Tetris movie until I saw a review just now, but I guess I'm mildly relieved that it appears to be a movie about the making/marketing of the game (with some Cold War intrigue thrown in) rather than a world-building sci-fi drama set in the Tetris universe or some such shit.

It's ok to think either outcome is shit