Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2023

With Dune, unlike The Color Purple, I think of it as akin to something like the Lord of the Rings films, which I think at this point we would definitely consider a franchise (I think I said something about whether or not to include "potential franchises" in an earlier year's poll). At the very least, I think it's safe to say that Dune is something of a brand name at this point.

I get that; on the other hand, it's just the continuation of the first film.

At any rate, it will almost surely be substantially better than anything else on this list.

lol no it won’t

otoh, it's the Paddington director

And the Paddington 2 writer. Really bummed that they’re going off for something as spiritually moribund as this instead of getting to make something new (or The Bear Movi3).

Would be fascinated to see all the live-action footage that was rotoscoped for Spidey-Verse 1.

What were the good parts of Dune I, the bagpipes and the ornithopters?

Room-temperature-ass movie

I guess, apart from the cast, the script, the direction and the visuals. And the soundtrack.

I assume no-one's mentioned Detective Knight because they're never heard of it, but having googled, fuck me, it's that.

I saw the Magic Mike trailer before The Menu and it looked very bad.

The Son

eagerly anticipating the third film in the trilogy, the holy ghost

That’s literally an on cinema Oscar special joke, Tim does a satirical takedown of the nominees (without having seen any of them) & it’s this note perfect parody of conservative comedy + like daily show type garbage where you read a thing and pull a face and go ”really?!”

& he’s like “the father - oh yeah, what’s next, the son? The Holy Ghost?”

Anyway turns out that is what’s next

saw the trailer for Quantumania in front of Glass Onion in November and that was dire as hell, this Marvel shit is all two (2) jokes and then some greenscreen weird object ballet that has deadly serious implications for the next movie

Nothing properly hackle-raising here, just mostly meh-sville. Blood and Honey might be my vote, if only because, as Neando notes, this edgelord-y 'ooh, what if this children's character was a murderer?!?!' bullshit is so junior high.

never discount soderbergh

re: magic mike 3

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

quantumania seems so drab and dour for a film with theoretically limitless visual possibility

xxpost lol, I was legit about to check to see if Soderbergh was directing the dark Pooh flick.

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

― rob, Friday, January 13, 2023 3:38 PM (two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

First one that comes to mind:
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BYWVjMGI4ZTAtOTJjYS00NjZkLWEzZGUtNDMxZTEyMjE5ODdjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMTczNjQwOTY@._V1_.jpg

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

― rob, Friday, January 13, 2023 4:38 PM bookmarkflaglink

"You're a Mean One" from last December.

oh yeah, ugh

I like killer Santa movies only because dude has the worst job on the planet

https://uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/biff-grid-uproxx.jpg?resize=460

YOU GUYS SUCK

Eat bullets fuckers!

I asked my sister if her kids still believe in Santa, and she said it's sort of yes-and-no. But she also said that thanks to movies like Arthur Christmas (which presents Xmas as a logistical problem solved through technology and an exploited and cult-like labor force) combined with the banal existence of Amazon Prime, believing in Santa is easier/more persistent than when we were kids, when logical consideration of the task could destroy the illusion faster

This was a tough decision until I saw Aquaman hiding at the bottom

I hope the Exorcist film stays untitled

hope it's Exorcist vs Ghostbusters

Hugh Jackman and Laura Dern devastated the Venice Film Festival with the world premiere of Florian Zeller’s “The Son,” which earned a 10-minute standing ovation.

Honestly, watch the trailer for this and tell me you wouldn't rather watch a murderous Pooh bear

i don't get ten minute standing ovations, I've seen movies and/or theatre and/or musical performances that I've found incredible, but there is no way in hell you're going to convince me to spend ten minutes clapping

Do they electrify the seats at Venice and Cannes to make them stand for so long? Or is it just to drunk film journalists on a paid junket to regurgitate press releases that the standing only seems like 10 minutes?

idk probably coke + vibes

saw the trailer for Quantumania in front of Glass Onion in November and that was dire as hell, this Marvel shit is all two (2) jokes and then some greenscreen weird object ballet that has deadly serious implications for the next movie

Don’t watch trailers but the other Ant-Mens at least genuinely feel like Peyton Reed made them, and have at least five jokes each plus both good + funny action scenes. And the first one only has one 3-minute scene with another MCU character in, that could be satisfyingly excised in whole*

* prob bcz the previous Wright + Cornballs script hadn’t allowed for scheduling any other MCU actors with their own careers

otherwise otm ofc

Peer pressure - everyone not wanting to be the first person to stop applauding. When enough people start collapsing from exhaustion, the ovation loses critical mass and ends

seems fair enough to clap if people who made the movie are in the auditorium

standing up and cheering US colonialism in yr local multiplex not so much

‘Untitled Ghostbusters Afterlife sequel’ = a phrase absolutely dripping with inertia, so I choose that.

I actually watched Afterlife on a plane a few weeks ago, I didn’t hate it but nor did I experience any other recognisably human emotion while watching.

bringing back Gozer/Shandor and the original cast ruined what was going to be a feelgood story about the young, shy girl who finds something she excels at.

Finn Wolfhard completely wasted. I still had a good time, but why couldn't they have invented a new ghost rather than saying "we didn't defeat Gozer enough last time"

Bc of the creative bankruptcy of everyone involved presumably

genuinely feel like Peyton Reed made them

and are both legit episodes of the On Cinema universe

"we didn't defeat Gozer enough last time"

more like Ghosthalfbusters

by Fairport Convention

Whatever the results are, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny will garner too many votes, and Dune: Part Two not enough.

sure they will... on backwards day! [now imagine that i'm hi-fiving myself]

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

The book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had an actual, real sequel by Dahl: The Great Glass Elevator

Never knew why no one has ever attempted this

Bc it’s weird as fuck

hah yeah I read that. the President of the US is named something like President Gilligrass or something and he appears in the book

it'd be a good cronenberg movie to get high to

Yeah, iirc there's some bullshit with a space station or something? I sometimes get the feeling with Roald Dahl that after he pitched a good premise his editor asked "and then what happens!?!" and then he just improvised some stuff. "um, and then they talk about witches for 100 pages, and then they turn into mice," or "they talk about the life of giants and then ... they visit the Queen?"

It's a Wonderful Life II, the Revenge of Clarence