to what extent does your life revolve around alcohol?

When I tried to cut down on the amount that I drank, I would give in if I had a rough day. Eventually I noticed that my definition of a “rough day” kept changing, and it took less for me to feel that “oh, I really need a drink.” Because I was rewarding myself for having a rough day, I started making my days feel a lot rougher than they really were. That realization was a big moment in convincing me to quit. Our brains are slippery fuckers.

― Cow_Art, Sunday, December 11, 2022 9:03 PM bookmarkflaglink

so otm. I had a tendency to romanticize the causes for my drinking for the longest time. "if only I wasn't depressed", "it's what I do to deal with things", but....I pretty much went HARD in my 20s when yeah, I didn't have anxiety meds and had mood problems, but most of the nights I went out drinking was when I was in a celebratory mood. The director of one of the plays I was in actually emailed one of my best friends worried about my drinking back when I was 24. Back then, we'd go to the Bennigans (lol) after the show got out, and they did two for ones all night, so I'd pound Gin and Tonics until my friend Eddy would tell me to sleep over at his place a few miles away, and he'd drive me there. Rinse repeat.

there were definitely sometimes I'd do it to cope, but I couldn't say that was a primary reason. I just liked to party because it made me a different person (to the chagrin of the people around me, no doubt). After driving drunk more times than I was proud of and almost crashing into a parked Fire Truck, I stopped (temporarily) drinking hard liquor and moved to beer, which I genuinely enjoyed, and for a while, mostly cut back on it.

I think my second 'wave' of drinking in my mid-30s did start more out of anguish than previous. First, I was a project manager terrified of losing my job due to abuse from a higher ranking person, working ungodly hours and being miserable 24/7 (and very nearly got a DUI when I wrecked my car, which was the final wake-up call, and why I Uber ANYTIME I go to a show or think I'm going to have a lot). and then my dad (long before his stroke) was living with my brother and I and I felt suffocated with a lack of privacy, so I started taking a lot more trips out of town to get some me time. that was only a few months, but I started enjoying the high of going on these trips, getting lit up and enjoying live concerts in holes in walls around the globe, so even after that bad chapter was over, now it was all I wanted to do. nevermind how hellish I would feel the day after, given how the alcohol interacts with my anxiety meds. I had an outright mental breakdown at Maryland Deathfest in 2016 that lasted the entire trip as a result.

my friend who is married w/ kids now told me he 'envied me' one day in frustration and I said "lol if you think this is bliss, it's usually a few hours of euphoria and cleanup for long after." I do miss some of the trips only because I love traveling, but I'm kinda glad I can't do it as often I was doing back then, cos literally I left FL so often my friend Rene would joke about how she'd go on FB to see "where Neanderthal is this week".

I was a Bennigan's guy in my '20 #copperclover

In my earlier drinking years, I was attracted to it because I thought it helped ease my social anxiety. It was helpful when I was with 3 or 4 other teenagers sharing a thermos of vodka in the woods behind the high school or whatever.

But then social drinking evolved into bigger, louder parties and bars. "Come on Doug, we're going out to the pub." "You guys sure you don't want to go hang out in the woods tonight?"

I would try to achieve those same loquacious results, but it wouldn't work, so I would keep drinking and drinking over the course of a night to try and get there. The end result often was that I'd get sick and pass out on the bathroom floor, or make an ass out of myself in some other way. All I wanted to do was be social with people, but I couldn't understand how other people were able to maintain conversations. The only conclusion I could come to was that I was just not cool*.

I realized a few years ago that I still had those same problems communicating in crowds despite being sober. At some point, it clicked that it has to do with auditory processing disorder related to ADHD.

As I mentioned above, I was at a Christmas party over the weekend, completely sober. When I arrived, there were just a handful of people, and things were fine. But after a while, the room became filled with 10 or more people and I because lost. Conversations were swimming all around me and I couldn't focus. That was a separate moment from the one I described about wanting a drink, but the impulse may have been related.

*Of course, I have not completely eliminated this possibility.

I because lost = I became lost

Day 5 of what's hopefully a mostly dry January (I drank on New Year's Day, of course)... I did a mostly sober October so it wasn't so jarring this time.

I always feel a bit of hesitation with these things, but a couple days in and 1) I feel more positive overall 2) I'm eating healthier 3) I wonder why I don't do this more often.

Still struggling with sleep: I took heroic doses of valerian, melatonin, and even liquid ZZZQuil last night, and was still tossing & turning at 2am. Hopefully that will fade

Ultimately I'd like to get into the habit of doing a sdry week per month, I think this is totally feasible and will help keep me on my toes

I think the line's always going to be to what extent a person -- for a number of genetic, physical, and psychological reasons -- can handle mild to moderate drinking.

― Malevolent Arugula (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, December 11, 2022 3:38 PM (three weeks ago)

This is super otm ... I have friends that are alcoholics and can't just have one drink, I have friends that are totally sober for the same reason ... I have the friends that will do the equivalent of fasting in re booze, then go back to being functional lushes. My life currently revolves way less around alcohol than it used to. I haven't had a drink in a little over a month (since unofficial work holiday party where I had 3 ciders ... only 3 ... no shots, no cocktails ... I felt good about being able to moderate) ... Like that's basically my goal: to be able to drink in moderation and to be able to stop when I need to, AND to recognize the negative affects of alcohol in terms of being able to distinguish them from the anxiety/depression that are my rock and hard place tbh.

one fun "life hack" I've discovered is that smoking weed or taking an edible and then having 2 drinks gets you as messed up as like, 8 drinks. but you don't feel shitty afterwards, nor are you risking a DUI (obviously I try not to drive until I've come down but you know how it is sometimes). the hard part is sometimes those 2 drinks turn into like 6-7 and that's when you get those really weird hangovers, it's not like the throbbing pain of taking too many shots but you do feel utterly emotionally drained

Edibles or weed have done wonders to blunt the effect of alcohol, but tbh age is doing it already. In the last month with friends in town for backyard hangouts I'm likely to mix two cocktails, have a hit or two of weed, and I'm fine. I wake up in the morning even finer.

Historically I did it the other way round: if I was uncomfortably high, drinking a modest amount of wine or beer would help center me (because my body knows what to do with booze. I know tipsiness and am more used to it).

Nowadays I have dramatically reduced drinking (due to a health scare), and turned to newly legal weed (and weed-adjacent products) as recreation/relaxation/sleep aid.

I genuinely like beer and for a good long while, my primary reason for drinking alcohol at all was to try new ones at dinner.

I still like to do that but my primary motive is often being buzzed and in a zone so I've started drinking shittier beer with higher ABV more often.

Edibles are cool but my resting heart rate hits like 150 on em

St Bernardus is my fav, and I used to savor it, sipping for an hour, now I wind up gulping it and ruining the experience.

xp frogbs -- my anti-anxiety medication also has this effect. Like, i have a baseline quantity I take, but if I take the maximum prescribed, I can have one drink only and feel the same fun euphoria "I'm a charming social person" feeling that normally it would take 3 drinks to achieve.

I also like the taste of good cocktails and I recently discovered a blackberry cider that is super delicious

Neando, I find that if I was t to savor a beer but also really want to chug one down I drink a cheap beer first to get full then I am physically and psychologically able to nurse the next one.

Been busy af with work and family this week so have thankfully been back on my no drink / no smoke during the workweek schtick. Feels good but will probably have some spare time to get stupid soon enough

Christmas is usually a difficult time for me with booze but, one blowout on Christmas Day aside (which, tbf was a 12hr blowout), I pretty much avoided booze altogether. I went to a party on the 29th, where I drove, had a couple of non-alcoholic Guinness and two moderate beers and drove home. I felt *magnificent* the next day. I think this could be sustainable in the future.

1) The non-alcoholic Guinness is really *good* but 2) I still hid the cans when I'd poured them. Coward.

Agree that it's basically down to metabolism. After my Christmas Day session, I was out of action for basically 3 days; the people I'd drunk with were back down the pub Boxing Day. I have no idea how.

yeah my metabolism re alcohol has gotten slower as I've gotten older ... it used to be I'd be drinking, out of action for a day, and then back to drinking the next, basically, every other day getting wasted. Now, it's definitely two days of recovery time, if not 3.

I've gone out two nights this week and have my godson's birthday tomorrow plus lunch with a former ILXor, which means tonight I stay home, mix a Negroni, and have two glasses of wine for dinner. In bed by 10 p.m.

One thing that's definitely a corollary of the metabolic slowdown: not wanting to stay up late. I can't be doing with 3am sessions any more. I can't be doing with midnight sessions, tbh.

two cocktails, have a hit or two of weed, and I'm fine

This is kind of my ideal, a mild mixed buzz.

My wife and I are actually doing dry January this year. In the past we'd maybe do a week, but it's joined to a broader New Year's health rededication. Doing fine with no booze so far though granted it's not even a full week yet. Mostly just drinking a lot of La Croix, kombucha and tea, though we did buy some of the fancy new NA drinks to try for fun.

what about weed or is it not a part of your lives?

It's not included in the "dry January" because they're separate things to me (and alcohol is obviously a lot unhealthier than weed). But so far limited to a few nighttime gummis.

My current go-to NA drinks are the Ritual gin alternative (good and peppery, great with tonic and lime) and of beers, Athletic (mainly the Upside Dawn). The NA Heineken and Beck's taste pretty much like their alcoholic equivalents. OK in some contexts but not mindblowing.

We have some Canadian NA beer in the fridge — Sober Carpenter — but haven't tried it yet. Had a "Phony Negroni" last night that was basically Campari-flavored soda, not bad.

think I am the only person in the world who those unrealistic 'just say no' to drugs adverts/ kids tv shows worked on. ie the whole one drag of weed will lead to being a heroin addict within the week. therefore I have never been high. the most alcohol I have ever consumed in one night is two beers, so i've never been drunk either. Haven't actually drunk alcohol since I was 18. I guess being a bit drunk must be nice otherwise noone would do it but i'm too old and probably too incurious to give it a go now.

bravo!!

Definitely no reason to start if you haven't. I enjoy mild-to-medium mood- and mind-alteration, it works for me but I don't have any illusion that it's "healthy" per se. And it's nice to take a break just to know for sure that I don't "need" it.

I can thank/blame my school's anti-drug classes for introducing me to the existence of LSD and accidentally making it sound like the best thing ever (and it is, as well as the worst)

idk if more focus on the perils of booze beyond the already-outdated-by-then scourge of "alcopops" would have helped or hindered me but every time I'm drunk like now I'm reminded what a nasty piece of shit drug it is

anti-drug propaganda was so embedded within the school, one of our typing assignments was reproducing a three or four page anti-marijuana paper, which basically suggested a high school girl basically ate her baby and couldn't play the piano anymore because of weed

I've done my share of drugs and would not recommend starting over forty.

xpost Professor Longhair would have some things to say about that. (The piano, not the baby-eating.) There's a great passage in Dr. John's memoir where he talks about Fess smoking spliffs the size of your arm before he went on stage.

these days staying sober seems way more fucking cool than whatever bullshit 3rd hand hippie hangover drug romanticism we inherited which I really hope has finally run its course by now

you can never have enough posts on here about Professor Longhair, what a ledge!

I remember being mighty confused in 4th grade about how weed was supposed to ruin your life and possibly kill you when at the same time they considered it a "gateway drug" like the cigarettes and beer my Dad had. I still remember being terrified to try it, then when I finally did I kept laughing and thinking "wait, this is it?". in retrospect the shit I smoked was probably 95% oregano

"I don't smoke
I don't drink
I don't fuck
At least I can fucking think"

if he's so straight edge why does he sound like barney gumble

i don't care about being cool i care about getting through a day

Also: Negronis taste better than Jake Gyllenhaal's lips.

I only drink on fridays and saturdays now. I'm teetotal the rest of the time, that's my latest thing!

Negronis taste better than Jake Gyllenhaal's lips.

Discarded Taylor Swift lyrics

https://www.shockcinemamagazine.com/stoned.jpg

These days I take frequent and extended breaks from drinking (or, more accurately, I drink only sparingly except for special occasions).

So I am genially amused by my local bar advertising specials for dry January: dry white wine and dry martinis.

Just listened to a long podcast episode about alcohol and its effects and boy did it make a great case for not drinking at all. Then again, I've never had any problem related to drinking, not that I know of, and compared to a lot of folks really don't drink that much; I chalk it up to not starting until I was at least in my late '20s. Of course, the podcast repeatedly emphasizes that there is no "safe" amount of what is essentially poison to imbibe, so who knows.

Anyway, here's the podcast:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkS1pkKpILY

One thing that's definitely a corollary of the metabolic slowdown: not wanting to stay up late. I can't be doing with 3am sessions any more. I can't be doing with midnight sessions, tbh.

― Shard-borne Beatles with their drowsy hums (Chinaski), Friday, January 6, 2023 2:38 PM (five days ago) bookmarkflaglink

This is a point of amusement with friends I’ve known since we were 18-19 - the point in the evening where we’re like “well, looks like I should get home - gotta do some laundry, maybe catch up on reading.” In the old days we’d have been drinking until dawn.

Or, if not drinking, then talking, etc.

i still love staying up late. just not with other people.

❤️

(I don’t want to throw this thread off course, but to expand on Neanderthal’s point: there are few things in life as wonderful as a killer book, a third wind, and a Friday or Saturday evening. MIDDLE AGE RIOT)

yeah, 11pm is my current witching hour.. that's when I'm either home in bed, or trying to get home to bed. (Shows, of course, don't count)