abysmal real names

i agree honestly, except think the 'oh' sounds are awkwardly situated. abysmal names to me are like hard white consonants and vowels mashed up together. parents who should have known better, somehow they missed that the full name was objectively ugly. mr. and mrs. gardner thinking that 'demarr' is fab just because grandpa was named that or w/e. when you say demarr gardner you sound like a yorkie barking at a passing car imo. that is probably way too much thought about what an abysmal real name is that no one asked for.

indigo is a lovely name but i'm a hippie so *shrugs*

It does sound like a refrain from an English folk song/ sea shanty

Young Boozer https://www.google.com/search?kgmid=/m/0dgpy28&hl=en-AU&q=Young+Boozer&kgs=93908d333ac907d9&shndl=17&source=sh/x/kp/osrp/4&entrypoint=sh/x/kp/osrp

legit thought that was a rapper

Is the Onion's head writer *really* called 'Chad Nackers'... Because, that.

let us not forget
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0ATPKgadF4

one of my mom's friends just had a grandson whose middle name is "Hercules". his first name? Milton!!!!!

xp featuring a starkly serious CBC interview of Lewis Lapham! Canadians are funny.

xp so sad just name your kid hercules, you can call him herc, great name imo

Hey Herc! Hey Herc!

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BYzdhMzIwMmQtNGIxMS00M2ExLWI1M2MtMDQ4YTcwODZmNzJjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNDcwNDI2MTk@._V1_.jpg

Two from the realms of football coaches:
Jeff Saturday
Hugh Freeze

speaking of I saw an NFL coach (iirc?) named D3an Pees

I would change my last name if I were named Pees

Ppl with last name 'F4rt1ngt0n'

in the first place i worked we had someone called Txxxx Far who wasn't best pleased with the company's SurnameInitial email addresses

LL - there's also an Isaiah Peed, putting things in the past tense

I was playing an American Football GM simulator game and decided to play with fake players and two of the names it came up with were:

Pooh Brown
Oliver Schmuck

LL - there's also an Isaiah Peed, putting things in the past tense

― Fash Gordon (Neanderthal)

I say, I peed. Cruel parents.

One of the Jan 6 rioters is named Albuquerque Head.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/10/27/politics/capitol-attack-january-6-fanone-albuquerque-head-sentenced/index.html

https://www.espncricinfo.com/player/liberty-heap-1184036

one of those 50/50 decisions that could have gone into 'great' but honestly i can't cope with this one

That cricket website is a goldmine for anybody writing a novel set in the late 1800s where the villain is a British imperialist. It's almost like a random name generator but with actual names. All you have to do is smush together a forename and some surnames. Obviously you can't use real names otherwise the people who owned those names would take legal action. As per e.g. Ernő Goldfinger, who tried to sue Ian Fleming for using his surname but decided against it, perhaps foreseeing what would come to be called the Streisand Effect.

William Conrad Francis Smeed is an evil-sounding name, and yet instead of dedicating his entire life to evil he decided to occupy some of his time with cricket, so he can't be entirely evil. He might not be evil at all! NB I'm writing this in case he googles his own name and finds this thread. He's a trained cricketer with access to body armour and a cricket bat. It's sad clicking on some of those names and seeing that they last played in 2020. Sometimes I forget that COVID ever happened, and then something comes along and reminds me.

Do you know how see the cuckoo cloths. Cookit cloths.

Guy just joined my company called hunt3r f1t3

m4lissa l4ws

GREAT spelling of melissa and such a melodious combination with 'laws'

fanny ardant

https://scholars.uow.edu.au/hugh-forehead

Ellinor D’Melon

Priscila Chinchilla

that is an amazing name!! i am a fan

(a fan of the name, i am not familiar with the person whatsoever)

I've got a feeling I posted it on the Great Real Names thread

There's a guy where I work called Charles Manson.

Thangam Debbonaire

That is a fantastic name.

Abysmal politician though.

we have a trainee named J3ss!ca Death

this is simultaneously abysmal and great

We don't need that fascist groove Thangam Debbonaire

So, how long has this been going on? This...this Thangam Debbonaire?

Good name, imo.

Apparently she changed her name from Thangam Singh.

Thangam Style

Sorry again that is an amazing name

I meant they in reference to Jessica D3ath

Ugh!! *that
banning myself from posting til I can get my typos under control

we only soured on the name because we encountered it minutes after Pee-Wee died

Kenneth cheesebro

Will Witt

https://www.lansingcitypulse.com/stories/bernie-porn-pollster,19529

bernie porn-pollster, a winning platform for 2024

i'm into Bernie Porn's glamour shots

president of EPIC MRA

Cumberland "Cum" Posey