Last (x) Movies you are going to Avoid

Yeah it looks stupid as shit

The O’Silverscreensons

MOM: "You go ahead and make those movies!"
DAD: "There's more to life than movies!"
LIL STEVIE: "Movies: The Movie"
THE ACADEMY: "Give that man 1000 Golden Moviemans, hereafter known as Oscar Fabelmans"

I’m pretty sure I’ll avoid it but I do want to hear from someone who’s seen All Jacked Up And Full of Worms.

I want to see the bit of The Fabelmans where he finally meets John Ford and it's David Lynch, but YouTube will probably sort me out for that if I wait a few months.

Morbius would have defended this, miss him.

Something about the Violent Night premise is intensely irritating to me.

Yeah, that looks like garbage.

gleefully smug transgressive action movies kinda wearying to me in general, maybe moreso these days. santa claus as a skilled wildcard killer foiling the bad guys' plans almost too dumb to be real. the die hard in a chimney premise almost feels like a simpsons parody.

I’ll possibly end up seeing it anyway, but The Whale looks miserable.

hard hard avoid from me

Babylon, AMPAS indifference willing

avatar, obvs

I still can’t believe I saw the last one

Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths

The theatrical version of The Whale is an incredibly moving piece of theatre. No idea how the film version will shake out but I'm going to give it a try.

Violent Night ruled. It's a bit weird in that its core, it's really a traditional family Christmas movie, but then eventually bad guys get decapitated.

It's more like Miracle on 34th Street with Santa ruthlessly killing bad guys to protect a little girl from harm.

Pretty sure The Whale.

seconded

Enys Men, Tar, The Banshees of Inisherin

Aftersun looks kinda lame tbh.

It's terrific.

It gets the Alfred B+ by me

Aftersun rules

Despite my reservations, Frankie Corio gives the best youth performance I've seen in a very long time

it's a heartwarming, wistful memories of dad movie isn't it? I've seen people praising it but I've not felt very tempted to watch it as yet.

Wistful, sure. Dunno about heartwarming.

Saw a poster for Tar after coming out of a re-screening of Roman Holiday (Wyler, 1953). I can see the value of wanting things like this: light script (with stuff beneath if you wanted to go there), beautiful leads with chemistry, the right length of 90 minutes so no overstaying.

Films are absolutely all too long these days. Or rather, they spend too much time in the 2 1/2, 3 hour zone. Give me 80 min or give ne 4 hours.

Very few films justify the length of over two hours.

And the most repetitive but truthful comment is to say that x film was great but 20 mins too long.

It's become especially noticeable since 2020, as if COVID killed editors.

It's weird because something frivolous, fun, but also nicely made and played, that doesn't speak to anything contemporary and 'short' would be just the ticket after 2/3 years of no cinema.

(I am not looking too closely so I'm sure those things are about, but what dominates attention -- and is sadly on my radar -- is stuff like Tar rn)

Length=$ in the streaming era, everyone wants inventory

A nice side effect of this for me personally tho is that Bollywood/Kolywood/Tollywood productions no longer seem daunting. I used to avoid that territory because of lenght issues but now they're just the same size as yet average thing at the cinema.

On my most tinhat days I suspect Hollywood is actively killing off the movie format in order to force people toward prestige TV, where minutes watched is the base metric, not admissions.

It's like one of the metrics for an app. The 'best' ones are usually judged as the ones you never log away from.

I tend tor reserve posts here for awful-looking prestige-y things, rather than bullshit that has no reason to exist in the first place, but: 80 for Brady

^^Ditto for that gruesome looking Tom Hanks thing; too obvious x 10 for this thread, but some kind of nadir for him based on the trailer I saw.

fuck yeah I don't need to see Hanks play a lovable ignorant racist dummy

this scene so fucking unserious son pic.twitter.com/Cqjk7gUqky

— yo raheem is dead somebody shot em (@mrmovedathand) March 16, 2023

i rewatched john wick 2 last night and that scene is so fucking good

these movies do not take place in the real world hope that helps

Yeah it's no different than a film in the John Wooniverse

The John Wick thing has totally passed me by so "doesn't take place in the real world" helps.

I have news for you about every other film.

No please no more news I can't cope.

Air

who fuckin cares about this story

And it played on many screens at my local arthouse in a city where two shut down in the last year.

trailer feels like a parody...like in Maxx Barry's snarky ad-firm satire Syrup, where the characters sell the idea of a film "starring Coca-Cola."

Brand origin stories are the new biopics -- Air, Pinball, Flamin' Hot, etc.

Avoiding on squeamish grounds rather than quality control grounds:

DE HUMANI CORPORIS FABRICA
Verena Paravel, 2022
Plunging into the viscera of human bodies, the directorial duo behind Leviathan open up glistening worlds of ecstatic abstraction. Never shrinking from grit or guts, this fascinating documentary surfaces in underfunded Parisian hospitals, where doctors inject a good dose of humor into disrepair.

This weekend I sat through the trailers twice for About My Father and You Hurt My Feelings; this was three times too many.