Elon Musk

Musk is more than enough dongle for the whole place.

Musk himself is a dingle

Elon's college girlfriend from Penn just auctioned off a bunch of old photos of him, a birthday card, and a necklace he gave her:

https://www.rrauction.com/search/results/?lot=&str=elon%20musk&exclude=&cat=0&sort=time&auctions=0&view=gallery&page=1&itemQty=96&catalogLotNumber=&cp=past-auctions&searchType=title

im goin g to buy them

i dont understand why someone would pay thousands of dollars for these snapshots, is there a businessman collectables market

Here's a handkerchief that Elon blew into and never washed. I'll start the bidding at 50,000

Yeah, it's baffling. Almost makes me wonder if Elon bought them himself. xp

get his dna, clone him, set up permanent dunk tank, PROFIT

good for her

it make a pinch

Tesla is recalling nearly 1.1 million vehicles in the U.S. because the windows can pinch a person's fingers when being rolled up. https://t.co/PBT06Hrh6Q

— The Associated Press (@AP) September 22, 2022

haven't worked out the kinks in the self-rolling windows

I'm sure it's fine

lmao

This is the third time my Tesla is getting recalled in just the last year. Getting sick of this shit. I'm sorry @Tesla your cars are amazing but this is not acceptable. If this happens 3 more times I will have to consider trading it in for a different Tesla model

— Wild Geerters (@steinkobbe) September 22, 2022

this is your fourth-to-last chance tesla

Is the pinch really more of a priority than the exploding thing? I’m not a driver so maybe one of you can explain idk

Surprised Musk didn't make them add a cartoon noise when your finger gets caught in the window. "Booiiiiinnnng!" or whatever.

Seems to suggest that at least one person has actually had their fingers cut off.

Is the pinch really more of a priority than the exploding thing? I’m not a driver so maybe one of you can explain idk

― barry sito (gyac), Thursday, September 22, 2022 9:33 AM (sixteen minutes ago)

everyone who buys tesla does so to satisfy the death drive, mere pinches don't go far enough, is how I break it down

Maybe the windows of other cars just don't pinch enough.

been seeing articles about techbros that "want to grow inches" and it's naturally going to take some pinches

Lol what pic.twitter.com/ARiJIZty0i

— Carboniferous Rainforest Collapse Party (@weathergoose1) September 23, 2022

Thought car windows had been figured out long ago, but I guess we gotta disrupt everything nowadays

this man loves to lie

Cybertruck will be waterproof enough to serve briefly as a boat, so it can cross rivers, lakes & even seas that aren’t too choppy

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) September 29, 2022

love that "briefly" followed a few words later by it crossing "seas"

All cars can serve briefly as boats. Very briefly.

!! pic.twitter.com/y6QX5JyAds

— Udit Kumar (@itzme_udit) September 29, 2022

*dies at sea in a car*

tesla boys: that sea was too choppy

https://i.imgur.com/A2BLNdW.png

you make fun of him but this seems like a brilliant solution to the "car keeps lighting on fire" problem

Cybertruck will be waterproof enough to serve briefly as a boat, and also fireproof, if it serves briefly as a boat.

announcing the new CyberTorus

https://i.imgur.com/D29CydT.png

it can bounce along most rivers and water passageways and holds 2 insecure barfing passengers

What is there to protect your ass from rocks?

the idea is that what the torus shape lacks in specificity of function, it overcomes in adaptability and resilience.

https://i.imgur.com/DXLhmyI.png

this group of barges is in a severe river traffic jam. months of FTEs will be wasted on this single problem during intense meetings and intrafleet negotiations.

meanwhile, the tori float on in an unstoppable horde, bouncing off of the bureaucratic red tape and winning the industrial race together

xp josh according to leaked concept footage, the passengers ride inside of the cybertorus. for safety, there are no windows so you can't see them from outside. but they're in there, two of them in each, strapped in.

Ah, that makes sense. I initially confused them for Innertubes (TM).

https://assets.simpleviewinc.com/simpleview/image/fetch/c_fill,h_712,q_75,w_1024/https://assets.simpleviewinc.com/simpleview/image/upload/crm/houston/Woodlands-Lazy-River_3c037f76-eea5-93db-24e77d1b3dcc2c5d.jpg
Artist's conception, Innertube Hyperloop

an innertube commuting corridor is not actually a terrible idea. luckily climate change will make it inevitable

announcing the new CyberTorus

Ford just announced the CyberTaurus

Our derelict vessel crews are begging you to understand that anything that “serves briefly as a boat” should not be used as a boat https://t.co/lcrunbf1DJ pic.twitter.com/j2eL5tGcJZ

— Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources (@waDNR) September 29, 2022

lol

when we stop economy-crippling regulatory agencies from fucking with our freedoms we can have truck boats, libs.

sorry ass shit

who shows up in Musk's texts is interesting (right wingers, reactionaries, tech & media billionaires, etc.). their eagerness to get in on a deal that would generate money & influence makes sense. but it was surprising seeing so many of them grovelhttps://t.co/zAHMhE9J5P

— Edward Ongweso Jr (@bigblackjacobin) September 30, 2022

pretty funny that a couple dudes who always sound like little worms actually are little worms

living that worm life

that Calac4nis dude, damn

lol, the sloppy copy editing of this Vice piece means that that dude's name is spelled like 3 different ways throughout the article, too.

You have my sword

The body language of the actual Tesla team while Musk makes astronomical promises will never not be funny. https://t.co/WaRuC5tr7U

— Justin Pierce (@justinpie) September 29, 2022

very neat

JUST IN: Tesla, $TSLA officially unveils AI bot 'Optimus'

pic.twitter.com/OTyryDdkwQ

— Watcher.Guru (@WatcherGuru) October 1, 2022

sorry ass shit

🐦[who shows up in Musk’s texts is interesting (right wingers, reactionaries, tech & media billionaires, etc.). their eagerness to get in on a deal that would generate money & influence makes sense. but it was surprising seeing so many of them grovelhttps://t.co/zAHMhE9J5P🕸
— Edward Ongweso Jr (@bigblackjacobin) September 30, 2022🕸]🐦

In some ways, Musk could not have chosen a better name for his company. How long before they announce a "Peace Ray"?