thread for KING CHARLES III (regnal name george vii)

Signalling at an aide through clenched teeth to move something out of his way pic.twitter.com/SSe8j8VeUz

— Emma Devlin (@theactualemma) September 10, 2022

wait i thought his regnal name was charles iii i’m confused

this is one of literally dozens of hills i am setting up to die on currently

suspect that elderly tantrum-boy here is gnna turn out to be very bad at a lot of similar things the recently departed was in fact better at

― mark s, Saturday, 10 September 2022 16:38 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah, I think that's he'll be a force for republicanism in form and content! If he carks it in the next week and we move smoothly on to William the Bald, the window will have closed.

AIUI, bumping off Andrew is now his job, Harry is William's problem but can still be attempted while William is the Prince of Wales.

The lipless equine grimace is so quintessential

a deeply ugly man indeed

The whole succession process being televised has been a great advert for republicanism. The more people see of the behind-closed-doors workings of the royals and their intersection with government, the more they'll want rid of the whole lot.

pic.twitter.com/piuD2NQ6LH

— HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) September 11, 2022

I saw that King Charles addressed a compliant Parliament today.

A week or two ago I went round Oliver Cromwell's house in Ely. I am aware that the events of the 1640s are controversial but I wonder how far we have progressed in coming from executing King Charles I and establishing a republic, to Parliament abasing itself before King Charles III.

went there once when I lived in Ely in 2016/2017, enjoyed the bedroom at the end which is "haunted" by some concealed lighting & speakers and a device which makes the bed move slightly.

A week or two ago I went round Oliver Cromwell's house in Ely.

Was he in?

"Yeah, I think that's he'll be a force for republicanism in form and content! If he carks it in the next week and we move smoothly on to William the Bald, the window will have closed."

Where is the assumption that William might be better coming from?

The Prince of Wales

Yes, I don't see it at all. How is he in any way better? Nothing I have seen goes beyond the utterly superficial and ephemeral...he is young and has an attractive young wife. Oh, and he occasionally speaks vaguely like the people we converse with on a day-to-day basis, in Estuary English, rather than in an antiquated upper class way to rhyme 'home' with 'game' and 'perhaps' with 'crepes'.

Like, hello? People with normal accents, young people and attractive people can still hold (C/c)onservative views.

Other than that, it is just the MSM editorialising by linking anything vaguely charitable he does or says with the "caring nature of his late mother".

William is much more agreeable for most actual Royalists who think Charles is too much a weird boat-rocking hippie (think Farage and the like) plus that William has always felt to them more Diana's son than Chuck's.

William's statements are usually about conservation, climate change & mental health, which is a bit more palatable than architecture and alternative medicine.

he is young and has an attractive young wife.

He's 40. Charles has got increasingly crankier and unpleasant as he's got older - not that he was ever not cranky and unpleasant - I fully expect William to go the same way.

My wife and I (both Americans, FTR) discussed this weekend the idea that maybe it would be a good thing if Chuck were to say "Fuck this shit, I'm the king, I'm gonna be the fucking king" and rescind your new prime minister's position, dissolve Parliament by royal edict, and turn your little island back into an absolute monarchy. I mean, how much worse could he shit the bed than your last three leaders have done? And before you say "constitutionally, he can't" I say that it would be highly amusing for the prime minister and Parliament to be forced to deploy the military against a rebel king, and I genuinely wonder which side the population would land on.

Don't 'your little island' us you cheese-murdering ingra---ahaha I mean why yes that would be splendid good sir.

Population would side w/ the military, as they would not want to get shot.

But of course Charles also has zero motivation to embark on this fantasy scenario - why would he want the headaches of ruling, he's got the royal veto to maintain the family fortune and that's all that really matters.

"My wife and I (both Americans, FTR) discussed this weekend the idea that maybe it would be a good thing if Chuck were to say "Fuck this shit, I'm the king, I'm gonna be the fucking king" and rescind your new prime minister's position, dissolve Parliament by royal edict, and turn your little island back into an absolute monarchy."

I hope you were both really drunk during this convo.

its not really that small of an island, ranks in the top ten biggest iirc

You can still indulge in silly speculation while sober, xyzzz. Ain't against the rules.

He's 40.

That's still 'young' in terms of the mean & possibly also median age of the UK populace, Tom D., and also in the eyes of the Tory-voting, Countryside Alliance supporting, on-shore wind vetoing, curtain-twitching types who are the only people the govt/MSM care about the opinion of these days.

btw ppl saying in his defense that charles is an environmentalist i assume its just some neoliberalfeudal bs but i havent looked into it

environmentalist in the organic-farming-and-maintainance-of-parks sense.

well parks are nice

his type environmentalism is like Attenborough's, all about eugenics and thinning out the population - "they breed like rats". He talks a lot about food waste while his servant ends up boiling 43 eggs if he decides on a whim to go on a 3 hour morning walk.

lol perfect

Did unperson divorce his curvy Colombian wife or did she just pick up his shitty sense of humour along with her citizenship application

How about a revolution instead

Sky News just challenged the public to overthrow the monarchy pic.twitter.com/QyAiceIDVk

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) September 12, 2022

xp

"You can still indulge in silly speculation while sober, xyzzz. Ain't against the rules."

Sounded like the kind of chat you'd be saying while drunk or brain dead.

Sounded like the kind of chat you'd be saying while drunk or brain dead.

...if you lacked an imagination, maybe! :-P

Where is the assumption that William might be better coming from?

William seems to more capable of following his grandmother's example of never saying or doing anything interesting in public ever, and therefore remaining a popular 'apolitical' figure. Some of the royal reportage in Private Eye painted him as quite a ruthless and effective operator behind the scenes, as opposed to Charles who dithers and equivocates, e.g. they credited William with making sure that Andrew was fully cast out into the wilderness when the Queen was more inclined to be forgiving.

the uk press have been sitting on stories about will's alleged infidelity for years now, so wills' ramrod compliance may be lubricated by a fear of being thrust onto tabloid front pages under straplines about his bedroom preferences

Yeah seems like a bit of a shoogly peg for the institution

sad to see royalty forced into a prostate position like that

A far cry from the previously dominant position.

i think he's just really anal about details

just a square peg in a round hole I guess

I confess that this american is (with some guilt) delighted with the lol opportunities presented by KCIII. Sorry, UK, really I am, but also good god the tragicomedy. . .

I mean we gave you Trump (also sorry about that), surely it was your turn.

tabloid features from the 80s make the best heads of state, trust us

lol i fucking told you

'Judging the right moment for a joke is always tricky...'

My latest cartoon for tomorrow's @Telegraph

Subscribe to my weekly newsletter to receive my unseen cartoons: https://t.co/JNDhrYJMFH pic.twitter.com/AhAJmld9TB

— Matt Cartoons (@MattCartoonist) September 12, 2022

that's the power you wield when you are the UK's richest sketcher of cock-noses

nashwan otm, William will be more palatable to the average subject (because he is more palatable to the papers, as evidence: the last decade of papers)

move fast! break things!

King Charles’s staff given redundancy notice during church service for Queen

Exclusive by ⁦@PippaCrerar⁩ and ⁦@ccdavies⁩ https://t.co/nAcSngcBAI

— Owen Gibson (@owen_g) September 13, 2022

psyched for some wild stories from disgruntled former employees

this man hates pens

How is this real? How is this public?! pic.twitter.com/dZlsNOVREI

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) September 13, 2022

He is going to machine gun the rest of the Royals

he has wanted this for 60+ years and already he hates it *so much*

*prepares the popcorn*

a woman in her early 40s being diagnosed and treated for cancer is sad, and it's the kind of thing that would easily garner sympathy from the monarchy agnostics, so the idea that they didn't initially reveal it is bizarre to me.

This is an old school WASP thing, I thought? Having disease is a symbol of being impure and thus, lesser than. There's not much more to it than that, I think.

Yeah fuck em tbpfh, the health travails of oligarchs is just not something I’m about to lose a moment’s peace about, not even the bad one that begins with C, not even a ~mum~

wgaf

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/65/Dance-death-ridinger-german-18thC.jpg

xps

If she had to apply for PIP (yeah of course she doesn't need to) even if you are going through chemo that isn't a guarantee it will be awarded to you. The accounts of cancer patients being turned down or needing to appeal/apply a 2nd time while falling into financial hardship has been a constant since it replaced DLA.

If the Royal Family thought they could cure Kate Middleton’s cancer by killing 10% of the population, the death camps would be open by dawn.

— Women for Wes (@Women4Wes) March 23, 2024

China, Russia and Iran are reportedly behind the spread of conspiracy theories, slurs and rumours about the Princess of Wales. Senior government figures are said to believe that the states deliberately peddled lies on social media in a bid to destabilise society. pic.twitter.com/xfDUlZ7gdf

— Good Morning Britain (@GMB) March 25, 2024

the ayatollah, Putin and the CCP did a good thing!

they at least did the funniest thing

Better if they helped us get rid of the lot of them, cancer mum and all.

Obv. the Great British Public (GBP) would never invent these dumbshit stories by themselves, yes it must have been Bad Foreign Actors attempting to destabilise the very stable nation of Britain

LOL that is such a blatant "it wasnt me" deflection from the shitty UK press.

King Charles has spoken of his "great sadness" at missing the traditional Maundy Thursday service.

The King is not attending public events while he has treatment for cancer but recorded a message that was played at the service at Worcester Cathedral.

Queen Camilla was instead at the service, where she handed out Maundy money.

In his message, the King reaffirmed his coronation pledge "not to be served, but to serve" with "my whole heart".

He praised those who "extend the hand of friendship, especially in a time of need".

He added: "It is for me a great sadness that I cannot be with you today."

The number of recipients of Maundy Money matches the age of the monarch - so 75 men and women will receive this symbolic gift.

The King's message, recorded in mid-March, included a Bible reading and a call that as a nation: "We need and benefit greatly from those who extend the hand of friendship to us, especially in a time of need."

audio-only message recorded a couple of weeks ago u say, king charles iii (regnal name george vii) is surely in fine fettle

AI voice scams are on the increase I hear

"Queen Camilla was instead at the service, where she handed out Maundy money"

this maundy money bullshit goes back to Edward I, they all went to hell for various reasons but surely hijacking a holy day mass to put on some bs ceremony of monarchical generosity that has as much to do with christian Easter as cadbury's creme eggs is amply disrespectful enough for a ticket to hell.

They all spill out onto the high street after to be confronted by endless signs saying "Maundy Money not accepted here"

I mean it's the Church of England for a reason

Maunday money (bah-da bah-da-da-da)
So good to me (bah-da bah-da-da-da)

after Jesus cleansed the temple he told those lads to fuck off, he didn't say well I guess you can hand out fake money to make yourself look good if you want to!

wait it's not real money?

I don't like maundys

Just another manic maundy?

They always get me down

wait it's not real money?

Being an ignorant lout of an American, I looked up Maundy money in wikipedia and discovered:

the British monarch or a royal official ceremonially distributes small silver coins known as "Maundy money" (legally, "the King's Maundy money") as symbolic alms to elderly recipients. The coins are technically legal tender, but typically do not circulate due to their silver content and numismatic value.

SO, this is one of those weird holdovers like touching for "the King's evil" See:
https://history.rcplondon.ac.uk/blog/touching-kings-evil-short-history

when William's king they're going to modernise it and hand out £15 Playstation Network cards

they're ceremonial coins, the US also does this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_commemorative_coins

i image most states do tbh

why not gelt, at least you can eat that

im sure you could sell the coin, but maybe you want to keep it, as a keepsake

or launch them at William's ugly slaphead next time he cries at an FA cup final cos all those nasty scousers are booing the national anthem.

These fucking ppl

it's ok bud they're all dead now

rip big family

thoughts and prayers

Less than two months after Buckingham Palace confirmed King Charles III was diagnosed with cancer, sources exclusively reveal to In Touch that the king is battling pancreatic cancer and has been given two years to live.

While the royal family has kept tight-lipped about the specifics of Charles’ illness, including the type of cancer he has, a source exclusively confirms to In Touch that the king’s diagnosis is known to be an open secret among royal staffers.

“Many courtiers believe Charles’ cancer is worse than they’re making it out to be,” a second insider adds. “Even before the diagnosis, there were concerns about his health."

come on i can't wait two years for an extra bank holiday

Ouch, that's one of the worst cancers to get iirc

What's In Touch?

^ out of touch

2 years might be optimistic - it is usually incurable and when the end comes it comes quickly

He might even win some sympathy over this. Too bad he has such a grossly unsympathetic personality. The problem with being heir to a throne is it leads to an all-pervasive sense of entitlement.

er

What's _In Touch_?

sorry that was a typo, it was supposed to read According to Zing Touch…

It's time for a return to old-style king-naming. I look forward to the reign of King William the Bald.

ivar the boneless and olaf the flashy
were a very notorious couple of kings

Harald Bluetooth would often stay rooted to the same spot in his great hall

Ivar the Boneless one of the few monarchs to have a KFC meal deal named in his honour

don’t forget æthelred the zinger tower

Pancreatic cancer was the same thing that killed Steve jobs. Charles seems like the kind of person to try the same treatment (nuts and berries etc).

nuts and buried morelike